Today on the verdict with Pastor John Monroe. I would considering the biblical teaching on the home, remember the context of the verses that we've read. Remember the context of Ephesians? It is the supremacy of Christ. At a Christian home Is where Christ is at the center and foundation.
These verses help us practically. To build a house on Jesus Christ. Christ. Welcome to the verdict with Pastor John Monroe, Senior Pastor at Calvary Church in Charlotte, North Carolina. We know that there are no perfect people and no perfect families.
but with so much hurt and brokenness in our world today. What does it take to build a happy home? Today, on the verdict, we're applying the principles of the gospel in our homes and relationships.
Now, here's Pastor John Monroe with today's lesson. How is your home life? There are no perfect homes or perfect relationships, but we all agree. That our relationships in the home are extremely important for the enjoyment of life. and our development as human beings.
We're continuing our study of the letter written by Paul in the first century to the Colossians. where he presents the preeminence and sufficiency of Jesus Christ. Towards the end of the letter, the Apostle Paul is helping us think through the implications of the Lordship of Jesus Christ in the various areas of our lives. Authentic faith should make a difference.
Now is going to deal with their home life. Parents like to remind children that they are to be obedient, but Paul challenges fathers not to discourage their children. Let's read then. Colossians 3 verses 18 through twenty one Wives, submit to your husbands. as is fitting in the Lord.
Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Children? Obey your parents in everything, for this Pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children. Unless they become discouraged.
Four verses: one for wives, one for husbands, one for children. and one for fathers. Our subject is the Christian At home. And in these verses, Paul emphasizes: you will notice not a rights. We're so concerned with our rights, aren't we?
But Paul doesn't emphasize our rights, but rather our duties. He emphasizes our responsibilities in the home. That is what we are to give and do rather than what we should receive from other people. That shouldn't surprise us because basic to the Christian faith as we follow Jesus Christ is not to be self-centered and self-focused, but other focused. Remember Paul says in Philippians 2, verse 3, we are in humility to count others as more significant than ourselves.
That's a difficult principle, and it's particularly difficult In the home.
Now how this principle works out in the home is seen in these Let's look first of all At verse eighteen. where we will learn Of submissive wives. Verse 18, wives. Anywise here today? Here's God's word to you: Submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord.
What's the duty of the wife? According to Paul, it is to submit. It is very, very clear. Wives, submit to your husbands.
Now, Paul is not saying that all women are to be in submission to all men. He's not saying that women in the marketplace, the workplace, cannot be supervisors or leaders or employers of men. No, men and women, we know from scripture, stand equal before God. This is not a matter of inferiority or superiority. This submission that Paul is addressing here to the wives is very, very specific.
It is, wives, submit to your husbands. One of the things that characterized our Lord on earth was that he was submissive to his heavenly father. In the Christian home, Wives are to submit to their husbands.
Some of you don't like me saying that, but that's what the scripture is saying.
Now what do we mean by submission? The submission of a wife is a willingness for the wife to yield to her husband out of love for him. It is a surrender of her interests in marriage to those of her husband. Paul is saying that the wife's goal in marriage, then, is to put her husband's needs above her own. Notice the mit the motivation to submit.
Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting. in the Lord. Part of the submission of a wife to the lordship of Christ. Is this submission to her husband? Wives, God is pleased.
When you submit. to your husbands.
Now the husband's duty in verse 19. Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Here is the husband's duty to love. Husbands are commanded to love their wives with an agape love. This is the love of John 3:16, for God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.
This is the love of Ephesians 5:25, that Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. Husbands? We are to love our wives. with this costly. sacrificial love.
Which gives A love which continues to give even when it is not returned. It is a love, of course, supremely modelled. by our Saviour Jesus Christ.
Now there is an injunction verse twenty to children. We have first submissive wives, secondly, loving husbands, third, obedient children. Verse 20, children obey your parents in everything, for this pleases. The Lord. What does God want from children?
To obey. Their parents. Honor your father and your mother, Exodus 20, part of the Ten Commandments, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. Children, God wants you to obey your parents.
Now I think of the meaning of obedience. Paul is assuming that parents take personal responsibility for the spiritual training of their children. Parents have a God-given responsibility to teach their children the Word of God, values, standards, and the Word of God. Children. Are to obey their parents.
They are to obey their parents when their parents tell them to go to church. Parents have a right to tell children what television programmes they can and can't see. when to impose a curfew. to ban certain music. It's tough.
for children sometimes to obey. Children can be strong-willed. argumentative and ha and headstrong, in other words, very much like their parents. But children are to respect their parents, they are to honor them, they are to obey them. And as long as children are at the home, they are to obey Their parents.
Here is the motivation for this. Pleases the Lord. When children obey their parents, when we respect our parents, we please the Lord. When we disobey our parents, when we dishonor our parents, when we're disrespectful to our parents, neglectful of our parents, we do not please the Lord. Here's a wonderful motivation, isn't it?
to please The Lord.
So we have in verse 18 submissive wives, we have in verse 19 loving husbands, we have in verse 20 obedient children, and we have in verse 21 Understanding Let's read again verse 21. Fathers, do not provoke your children. The less they become Discouraged. What is the duty? The duty of fathers is not to discourage their children.
Do not Provoke your children. How many of you here, I wonder, were discouraged or exasperated by your father when you were a child. How many of you are provoked by your father? One of the most frequent hurts I hear from men of all ages. that they have had or have a very poor relationship with their fathers.
And many men go through their life hurt disillusioned, even angry, bitter. Against all authority because of a poor relationship with the fathers. What's gone wrong? In many cases, Fathers. have discouraged They're children.
This is very, very practical, isn't it? Fathers provoke and irritate their children in many ways, which leads to discouragement. Let me very quickly. mention four common ones. Fathers provoke their children.
By neglecting them. Many fathers are disconnected or distant from their children. They simply don't spend time with their children. And some fathers are so focused on their work or their sport or their own interests that their children. are neglected.
Other fathers may spend time with their children, but there is no emotional connection. Or they may neglect the spiritual training of their children. And we discourage our children, don't we, when we don't show them affection or are not interested in what they are doing. A parent's love for a child means everything to them. to the child.
You knew that as you were growing up, didn't you? To know that you were loved by your Father meant so much to us. Fathers, We are to model Christ's grace, His compassion, His truth. His forgiveness to her children and to her wife. Men, your children need you.
They need your godly example. They need your godly teaching of the Word of God. And they certainly need Your prayers. Man. I trust every day of your life.
You pray. for your children. Mothers are more likely to do that. Fathers, because of our busyness, Because of our self-centeredness, we're apt to neglect it. Don't neglect your children, love them.
Worship with them. Pray for them.
So we can provoke our children by neglecting them. Secondly, we can provoke our children by being too demanding.
Some fathers hold their children to a standard that is impossible to meet. And when they don't meet that standard, They criticise them, they they humiliate them, they put them down. I remember watching Christopher, my son, when he was at high school practicing for the shot putt, and there was another boy there. And he wasn't doing as well as a father. Say it.
And the father cursed him, and the father swore at him. And I thought how Terrible. for a father to speak like that. to his son. It was about sixteen or seventeen years.
of age. What a discouragement. To a son. What discouragement to a son? Yeah.
Your son may not be an Olympic champion. Your daughter may not be the best student. He or she may not be the most accomplished musician. And your children's interests and gifts and talents are very different from yours. I realize, as fathers, that can be difficult.
I spent ages and ages, hours and hours and hours trying to teach my son soccer in our backyard in Pittsburgh. I taught him how to dribble, I taught him how to trap the ball, I taught him to pass, I taught him to be how to be a goalie, I taught him how to head the ball. And I loved it every minute of it. But the problem was he kept talking about the other football. Where they don't even kick the ball, right?
What he said was the real football, American football, and it took me a little while to understand. that my interests And my passions. are not necessarily the same. as my sons. Could it be, Fathers, that we are unwittingly, none of us would want to do this deliberately.
But could it be that we are unwittingly given the impression to our children That our love and our acceptance of them is based on their performance. Whether it's in a sport, or whether it's in music, or whether it's in the academic, or whether it's in some other way. We are to reflect on God's grace. We are people who believe in grace, we are people who believe in forgiveness. We believe in God's unconditional acceptance of us and love for us.
We dare not provoke our children by being too demanding. There's a third way, I think, in which fathers may provoke their children, and that is by a lack of trust. A child certainly must Children will be discouraged if you are an overprotective or controlling parents. And I think this is unfortunately rather common. in our society.
Don't treat your teenagers as if they're still little children. Don't be so restrictive and suspicious. I'm not advocating that you be naive. But it seems to me that we have the phenomenon in North America of prolonged adolescence where we have. 19-year-olds and even 29-year-olds who have difficulty functioning as adults as they're still tied to their mother's care.
Apron strings. They've never been given the trust. And responsibility by their helicopter parents who are constantly hovering over them. who mean very well, but never exhibit trust and responsibility. My parents got some things wrong, but one thing was they did exhibit trust in us.
And we were allowed to do things. And I remember when I was about 16 or 17, how my father started talking to me in a different way. And I suddenly realized that my father no longer looked on me as a little boy. but was relating to me in a different way. as a young man.
And how much that meant to me, that my father had that trust. in me. that he spoke to me in a different way than when I was thirteen or twenty. or 14. And I think we do provoke our children.
By a lack. Here's the final one, and it's an obvious one, but it has to be said. Fathers provoke their children by abuse. Too frequently Even in Christian homes, angry, sullen fathers are abusing. The children.
Now, I believe in discipline. As a young boy, I needed to be disciplined, so I believe in discipline. But discipline should be done in love. Not erratic. Not done in anger.
Not done when the parent is out of control. And fathers, If you are verbally, physically, or emotionally abusing your children, end it now, today. Don't humiliate and degrade your children by sarcasm. Shouting at them, hitting them, or demeaning them in front of others. Can you think of anything worse?
to the welfare of a boy or a girl. Children, all children. are a precious gift of God. They are made in the image of God, and God in His grace entrusts these precious lives to us. Whether They're born Whether we're their natural parents or adoptive parents, but they come into our families that God gives you.
The very children, that boy, that girl that he has for you. What a privilege that is. And here Paul is saying something that we need to hear as well. Don't. Provoke.
your children, lest they become Discouraged, and we all know of children and teens and older people who are discouraged. because of fathers. who were harsh. And over. demanding.
The warning lest they become discouraged. When children are exasperated or provoked or irritated, they will lose heart, they will become discouraged, they will become dispirited and resentful. You will crush their fragile spirits. You will impede their emotional and spiritual development. And writing under the inspiration of the Spirit of God, Paul gives this very pointed warning to fathers.
But think of a child. a child who is encouraged in the home. A child that knows the security of the love of a father and of a mother. Not that there's any perfect homes, we know that. But when Children are raised in that atmosphere, in a home of joy.
There is a confidence, there is a hope that they have in the living God. that they are taught that God has purposes for them. That they are being brought up Not to be controlled by the parents in an oppressive way as if we own our children. No, but rather we are to guide them. We realize that a precious gift that God has given us.
And we, as we pray for them, as we exhibit Christ to them, we can guide them in the paths of righteousness and point them. to the Saviour.
Now, when considering the biblical teaching on the home, remember the context of the verses that we've read. Remember the context of Ephesians? It is the supremacy of Christ. And the Christian home is where Christ is at the center and foundation. Psalm 127, verse 1, Solomon says, Unless the Lord builds a house, they labor in vain.
Who build it? These verses help us practically. To build a house on Jesus. Christ. It is to center around the Lord.
Did you notice that, verse 18? Wives, submit to your husbands as is fitting to the Lord. Verse 20, Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. All of us, whether fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, children, or singles, all of us must submit. To the Lordship of Jesus Christ.
for our lives. and for our homes. But as I end, I can't. I would be remiss if I didn't remind you of this. Before you can have Christ in your home, You must have Christ first in your heart.
It's a wonderful thing to have a Christian family. But you can never have a Christian family. Unless Christ is in your heart, is in your life. And before you have a Christian family, you must first be in the family of God. And the only way to be in the family of God is to be born again by the Spirit of God.
And because when we're born again, God in His Spirit, the Spirit of Christ, indwells us as we receive Christ, this one who dies for us, who is aware of our shortcomings as moms and dads and husbands and wives, because as we read these verses, we realize that all of us come short and Those of us who have raised children look back and say, Well, we wish we had done things differently. And all of that is true, but God, in His grace, saves us. and forgives us. And indwells us with His Spirit to give us this supernatural. resource.
And I do believe That one of the strengths of church is this: that we have many. husbands and wives and moms and dads who take seriously This injunction. that they want a Christ-centered home. And we applaud you, and we respect you, and we help you. And as pastors and elders, we want to do all we can to help Husbands and wives and fathers and mothers raise their children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.
That's why we have such a focus on teaching the word of God to your children. And if you've never received Christ into your life, what an opportunity to do that, to humble yourself. and to open your heart and life to Christ. And to receive him. Let's all bow.
before the Lordship of Christ. And let's ask for his help. Because we need it. that our homes are places of love. Places of joy.
Places of grace. Places of grace and that in the street that you live. People will know not that you're a perfect family. But that you're a family that honors Christ. and that we Submit to the Lordship of Christ.
So let me Pray. Our Father and our God, as we bow before you, I pray that each person here. Will know Christ as their Saviour and their Lord. And I pray for the mums and dads. I thank you for the Christian homes.
And I thank you for men who are strong spiritual leaders. I thank you for godly wives. Wives who would do anything and are doing anything. to raise their children in the ways of the Lord. And I pray that our homes will be built.
On Jesus Christ. Father, we need your help. We think how the enemy comes in. We think our own ego, our own selfishness. comes into the home.
I pray. For our husbands, Father, that we will love our wives as Christ loved the church. I pray for the godly wives here and for the mothers. I pray for children that they will be taught to be obedient, that this is fitting to the Lord. that there will be children who respect and honour.
Their parents. And I ask for your help, Father. And that this would be a great testimony to the unbelieving world that our homes would be different. Because they're built on Jesus Christ, in whose name we pray. Amen.
This is the verdict featuring the Bible teaching of Pastor John Monroe. There's still more to hear when John returns in just a moment, so stay with us. From matters of truth and identity, to the subjects of love and grace, our world seems more confused than ever. but to find truth and certainty about who we are and find peace, we must turn our attention away from the world and look to the Word of God. To help you do that, John wrote a booklet titled Eternal Security, Finding Certainty in a Chaotic World.
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Now, here's Pastor John Monroe.
Well, what's your verdict? If you are a parent, how would you assess your parenting skills? If you're a father, you know. It is so easy to provoke your children in these different ways. Yet If we acknowledge the Lordship of Jesus in our own lives, His love and His grace will overflow to how we treat those in our homes, including our children.
Do you know Jesus Christ? If you are following Jesus, do you see the impact of your faith in your life, in your home?
Next time we'll think of the Christian at work. Thanks for joining us today on The Verdict. I'm Michelle Davies. Today's program with Pastor John Monroe was produced and sponsored by Calvary Church in Charlotte, North Carolina.
