What Advice Would You Give a New Father?

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A daily program powered by the Truth Network. This is kind of a great thing, and I'll tell you what. Where pop culture, current events, and theology all come together. Speak your mind. And now, here's today's Truth Talk Live host.

Sunday is Father's Day, something that was established in 1972 by President Richard Nixon, but it goes all the way back to the early 1900s. Mother's Day had been established, and then there came other ladies who said, We want to honor our fathers and Calvin Coolidge. Jumped on that and thought that's a great idea. Little by little, it took hold, and now this Sunday, Father's Day.

So, with that in mind. What advice would you give a man who will at some point later this year become A father. That's today's question, and I'm framing it this way: the man that I speak of is my son. Uh earlier this year, he got married and um Uh shortly after that, um He got the news from his wife that she was she is expecting and looks like he's gonna have a honeymoon baby. I I'm a honeymoon baby.

My mom and dad married on March the 12th. And I was born December the 23rd.

So Kirk has followed in his grandfather's steps and is going to have a have a honeymoon baby.

So he's going to be a father. And I thought today It'd be great to give him some advice on what does he need to be doing as a father. The number is 866-348-7885. And we would love to have you call and share. I thought as going into this show, who better to share with my son?

Advice about being a father than our listeners. And unfortunately, he's not able to be in the studio with me. He lives in Phoenix, Arizona. But today he finds himself in London, England with business.

So he's going to be able to listen to the the show later on. We're going to record this for him. But I need your calls 866-348-7884. And let's give to my son. Uh, advice for being a father, but also think about this: as you give that advice, as we get it personal for my son.

How many other fathers may be listening today that needs to hear the advice that you have that can be shared? You know, Titus chapter 2 is older men, we're supposed to be teaching the younger men.

So here's your opportunity. Call in and share with our listeners, with one another here, about what does it take to be a father? Um I was blessed. As I went into my role of being a father in 1990, I have four children. And I'll tell you.

Uh It's sure, when I look at scripture, a heritage from the Lord. God has so blessed me with our four children. And as I stood at the hospital there each day, each time one was born and just held them, I knew I had a precious gift from God. And I wanted to be a godly father. And I had early on, even before I became a father, a chance to be with Josh McDowell.

And some of you will know that name back in the 90s was at the forefront of teaching purity. And we had him come and speak at Liberty. And Josh McDowell said something to me. that I just have never forgotten. He said that the most important thing I would ever do as a campus pastor for the students of Liberty was to love my wife.

And then he followed that up with... Uh, the most important thing you'll ever do when you have children, Dwayne, is love their mother. And so, uh, the first thing I want to say to Kirk myself is his dad, uh, Kirk, uh, love Brittany, love your wife, love your children's mother. When you put her first and you and you love her, uh, that is going to just make one of the biggest differences in the lives of your children. Uh, love your Uh wife.

the way Christ loved the church. Um That's my first piece of advice.

Now, I'm looking for your calls, 866-348-7884. Obviously, as a pastor, I can talk about being a father in a lot of different ways because we preach sermons, and I've tried to avoid on Father's Day. This is the day to beat a man up. I wanted to build up the fathers in my congregation through the years and give them insights on how that they could truly make a difference. I know some fathers feel like Father's Day is the Sunday you don't want to go to church because you hear about how bad you are.

Mother's Day is the great day because all we talk about is how wonderful mothers are.

Well, we do need to have fathers out there being challenged. No doubt about that. We've had some days over the last. couple decades where we've seen fatherlessness and it's it's it's it it is a stain on us. But Father's Day, A time to really reflect on what a father does, means, and so some things I've written down for me personally as a father, I want it to be one that fears the Lord.

I think that's where it really begins. If you have the right relationship with the Lord and then you walk by faith and you're faithful. You're going to find that Um That that you have the the right priorities And then, because of that, you're going to want to make a difference in the lives of your children. And as I wait for your calls, 866-348-7884. Nick's standing by, he's ready for your calls.

I want you to know one of the thoughts I wrote down years ago. was for me to have a After The action thought. After the action thought, What do I mean by that?

Well, Proverbs chapter 20, verse 7 says, The righteous man walks in his integrity. His children are blessed after him. Children are blessed after the man who walks in his integrity. The decisions you make as a father have tremendous impact on your children's future.

So I want you to be thinking about that. 866-348-7884. What advice would you give? to a person who's getting ready to become a father so that he could be as successful as can be as a father. What advice would you share?

We have Mark From Jacksonville, Florida. Mark, you're on Truth Talk Live. What, what. What thoughts do you have for us today? I got two ideas for what it takes to be a father.

One, absolute patience. And uh my dad Tell me to fear God. That's two things I learned. You say fear God. And my dad taught me to fear God.

Yeah, patience of the saint, I tell you right now. Um Three kids. Two boys and a girl. Um And uh I can't I don't know, I mean For me and my brother, it's probably stopped us from killing each other. You know what I mean?

For my sister it was she was a wild child, so I don't know. I mean Should So yeah, he's got he instilled that discipline in us. And he had that absolute patience that I learned from him. Man, that's two things I can think of. To be patient.

You know, children. Do make mistakes. And they need to know that they can turn things around. And our Heavenly Father, He is so patient with us. Um And then teaching the fear of the Lord, that's where it's at.

They get that right relationship. Mark, thank you for your call. We're going to be going to a break. And if you want to hang around, you can, but we've got to go to a break right now. You're listening to the truth network and truthnetwork.com.

Sunday is Father's Day. And uh we want To honor our fathers. For some, it's going to be a time of remembering. For others, you've got a great opportunity to do something to let your father know how special he has been in your life to show appreciation. And um For others, it becomes that opportunity to learn some thoughts about what's it going to take to be a father, because a lot of times in churches around our world, we on Father's Day have messages about what does it take, what does God expect?

For a father. My name is Dwayne Carson. I have a ministry called Date the Word. And I know one thing: I want my son. Whom we pour God's word into, to be a teacher of God's word to his children.

I think one of the greatest joys we have, it's a scary one. But it's passing our faith on to our children, teaching them God's word. Deuteronomy 6, Deuteronomy 11. Calls for us to teach our children when we rise up, when we sit down, and when we go to bed, when we get up in the morning, Stu Efferson likes to say, Bible before breakfast, Bible before bed. We get God's word in their lives.

And. You know, there's just something about the the joy of watching our children learn truth. John said, I have no greater joy than to watch my children walk in truth. We've got our buddy Mike. From Ohio, Dayton, Ohio.

Mike, you're on Truth Talk Live. Welcome, sir.

Well, welcome.

Well, thank you for having me. I felt this win was a great one. I think we need to be a good example. Oh, yes. Yes, yes, yes.

Good example. what God wants You to do, you need to do it. Uh uh uh read your Bible, pray. Let them see your kids and your family and your wife see that. Pray.

Go to turbs. They see that you go to church, they see that you pray, they see that you care about them being a good example. Is you don't really need to tell them too much by being, you just really need just to be a good example, and by being a good example. And sharing with them, you know, about your relationship with God. I really believe I wish I'd learned that a long time ago when I was when my kids were five.

You know what I mean? It's amazing that statement about more is caught than will be taught. And um And you don't realize it. You don't realize that they just picked up something that you're doing, and they're doing it like you. And sometimes it's, oh no, where did they learn that word?

Where did they learn that temper? Oh, they've been watching me. Yeah. and they watch every move you make and every s Talk you talk and every word you say. You know what I mean?

And it's so important to be a good example. I think, Mike, at some point, all four of my children. Un un um how do I say it? Unplanned, we never told them to go do this. They just at some point, they came walking into a room where I was going, Daddy, look, I'm walking in your shoes.

Yeah. What a reminder. They're walking. Dead, I'm walking in your shoes. And uh I don't want them to learn bad habits.

I want them to learn good habits, like you said. Seeing us in the word, seeing us. Um Yeah. Prayer example, good to your wife, you know, just going to church, just just being a godly man, good example is everything. And, you know, and then also when you when you realize that you made mistakes.

Tell them Hey, I made a mistake here. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. uh being honest with them and and tell them you know that uh you know, you you I made these mistakes and um And then when they're adults and you realize that you made these mistakes when they were kids. Tell him then to you know that's it i just told my i just told my son the other day hey i'm sorry for making these mistakes with you i I d I I did those things just because I care about you, not not because They were right. I did them.

They were mistakes. And I still love you, sir. Love you, man. You know what I mean? And telling them that.

That's crucial. Hey, Mike, we've got Rodney from Orlando. Uh okay. And I know you'll hang on with me here. Hey, uh, Rodney, you there?

Hey, Dwayne, I'm here. Can you hear me okay? Yes, sir. How are you today? Man, I'm doing great.

Doing good.

Well, we're talking about giving advice to fathers, and I know you have raised some kids. that they're becoming fine young men and women.

So what what advice would you give my son?

Well, first and foremost, thank you, Duane, for giving me a moment to just to give a word of encouragement to all the dads and future dads that are potentially listening. And that's a big question because you try to or at least we attempt to answer that question with fear and trembling because I don't think there's any perfect advice But the one thing that I would pass along to any dad, and especially uh maybe a dad who's expecting um their first child I just want to encourage the thought Think who before do. that's the statement, think who before do. And what I mean by that is, is who do I want to be as a dad? Who do I want to become as a father?

Who do I want to become as a husband? Because you know, so often we instantly go to the things that we should do We think about all the responsibilities that we're going to have, all the expectations. Often we're met with those emotions of uncertainty and fear or inadequacy and Walking into the single greatest responsibility given to us. With, in many ways, um No script. We have no.

there's no guarantees. There's no five point plan to guarantee success. There's no guaranteed outcome. But The one thing that I'm constantly challenged and reminded by is the story. That Elijah, the great prophet in Second Kings.

Right before he left this earth and ascended to the Father. to be in heaven, his protege Elisha Um In this moment of confront well, it wasn't a confrontation, it was a conversation that these two exchanged. And Elijah, in his parting words, said, What can I do for you? And I'll never forget the statement that that the young protege Elisha Made, and I love how it captures it in the message, the paraphrase translation of the Bible that says, I want to be a holy man of God, just like you. I want your life repeated in mine.

And That statement is a Wow, what a statement, what a challenge. Because at the end of the day, all we can do is live our life For an audience of one, To honor the Lord with the way we live, We're not going to get it right. We're not going to get it perfect. But it is our it should be our heart's desire and our greatest. um motivation to become That godly man, that godly husband and father, to where one day our children will say, I want to be a holy man of God like yours.

I want your life to be repeated in mine. Rodney, Mike, we've got to go to a break, and we've got a couple more callers. Rodney, a guy named Jay from Palm Beach, Florida is online. We want your call. Mm.

You're listening to the Truth Network and TruthNetwork.com. Welcome back to Truth Talk Live. I'm Dwayne Carson and today as we think about Father's Day on Sunday, I'm pitching a question to you to help me out as my son Kirk is going to become a father at some point later this year. He not long ago got married back in March, and they're expecting. What advice would you give my son about being a father?

And we've got Mike from Dayton. He's been telling us about the importance of an example. Rodney from Orlando. And Rodney has laid out, I just love this, think who before do. And we're bringing on now a guy named Jay Strack.

Doctor Strack. Welcome to Trooftalk Live. I'm fine. How are you?

Well, I'm doing great. I got my sweetheart here. The Lord's been real good with her health. I'm excited about giving my two cents on advice to Kirk, because Kirk's a remarkable young guy, so you got to bring your A game. That's right.

That's right. And he's got that because he'd been in many of your sessions called Student Leadership University.

So bring your A game. And we've got other fathers listing right now.

So talk to us because you've been around the block quite a few times.

Well, I tell you, buddy, I'm one of those young people that would have given anything to have a godly father listening to Christian radio and and trying to gain insights on what I could do to be more effective and more more of a help and more of a protector. But having gone through about six different broken homes, I've had to work real hard on this thing called being a dad. And Duane, I know you've had a lot of good advice and wisdom so far, but I really believe it comes down to three words, and I had to kind of teach myself, so I would try to do a good job. For my children. Number one, I guess it's because I never really felt love and acceptance.

But I think the first thing is affection. We've got to teach our children and demonstrate to our children, we love them. They're the most important things in our life. And that's that heartfelt, deep You not only communicate it, but you show it, demonstrate it.

So affection. I would put first and foremost the second Yeah. Protection. as a father, our lives and our examples and protect our children. If I don't smoke, if I don't drink, if I try to have good language, if I keep my eyes for my wife, you know, there's so many ways we protect our sons and daughters And you don't even say anything, it's by how you live.

So I think affection, that deep, unabiding, lo that deep, abiding love. protection and then last of all, imitation. And I think that's really when all's said and done, when Kirk looks back. He's going to know you've told him you love him. He's going to seen you love and care about your mom.

But I think he's also going to realize my dad's walked it and he's shown me how I should try to live as a man of God. That is so good. I just, I'm right, I wrote down all three words: the affection, protection, and imitation. That's just great. That's tremendous insight.

And that affection, a father's love. is absolutely essential. Um I I learned from Chuck Swindahl, Jay. Um that that it was so important for me to hug My daughters. Hug them.

Um and then with my boys, put my hands on them. Not, you know, just to wrestle around, but put your hands on them. And um Let them know through that affection that you really, there's a bond there. And uh and they should always know if If you ever need somebody, dead is here. Dead is here.

And I love your story that even though it may not have been the way you wanted it, you were able to make it for your children different. And that's some of my story as well. I didn't have the best example, but I did have some example. But I wanted to be a father with, I've got to learn how to be a Christian, godly father. Um Jay, thank you for your calling.

I admire what you're doing. I admire your emphasis. On this and keep it up, my man. Thank you. And we're praying for Diane.

Thanks, buddy. She's doing good. Awesome. We've got, along with Rodney. Rodney, I do want to come back to you, but we've got Chris.

from Arkansas. Chris, welcome to Truth Talk Live today. Hey, good afternoon, Dwayne. How are you?

I'm doing great. We're talking about helping Kirk when he becomes a father, some advice for him. And I know. That you've got some great advice because you yourself are living it out right now. How many years have you been married?

I've been married 15 years, and we got five kids, 11 and under. Man alive, your wife's gonna get some rewards in heaven. Amen. Because she married me. That's right.

That's exactly right. Um. Chris, Kirk's going to be able to listen to this, and for our listeners, Chris is kind of like an adopted son to me, and so he's an adopted brother. to Kirk.

So give him some advice. Yeah, well, first let me say congratulations to Kirk and congratulations to you and Danita on another grandbaby. And man, what a joyous time and blessings from the Lord. And I would just say as I thought about today, and man, I was really, I really enjoyed listening to Dr. Stratch talk about that.

So it's kind of hard to follow him. But I think the thing I would say to Kirk. is focus more on who you want your child to become than what you want your child to do. And I would say start focusing on that even when they're young. And I think I've found with our kids, and the proof will be in the pudding many years from now.

Um but uh one of the things that Rachel and I have tried to do is celebrate the character attributes of what we want.

So a simple example of that is we don't celebrate A's in school. We celebrate did you give your best effort? And so before we ever look at the grades on a report card, The question is, did you give your very best? When they bring home homework assignments, did you give your very best? Because we want our children to be people who honor the Lord with their effort.

And we also just believe from the flip side of that If you give your very best effort, then you'll be exactly where God wants you to be and do whatever God wants you to do. And so that's one area. And I would just encourage Kirk and his wife to really, as a family, decide what are these things that mold who we want our child to be more than what we want them to do. And let's make sure that's what we celebrate. Like leadership's a big deal for us.

So when one of our kids gets in a fight with the other kid, We stop the fight, of course. We don't just try to talk about leadership while they're still throwing things at each other. But then we talk about. Not you got in a fight with your sibling. We talk about are you being a leader to your siblings?

In the way that you're asking, and then we're able to talk about response as a leader. And so we don't. we don't put the fight as the centerpiece. We put the character attribute we're trying to raise up in them as the centerpiece. And the fight is simply a symptom of them not living out the character attribute.

No, no. That is good. Rodney, you're singing. Think Ooh. before do And Chris, you're saying think of about what you want the child to become.

rather than what you want the child. Uh, doing. I love that the character comes first. Um And teaching them on that leadership, the first person you lead is yourself. You've got to get that self-discipline down.

And I've watched you with your kids when they're at our house. You're raising them up. to think about that character component. And Rodney, I liked what you said because the component of a father. who is walking with the Lord.

Who are they? And then with you, Mike, we're getting an example. They can follow in the footsteps. They can be right there. Rodney, thoughts you might have, other thoughts you may have, or thought you have on what Chris has said.

Okay. Yes. There is a lot of great advice that's been shared that I've heard so far. And obviously, this is coming from a lot of Um Practice and sacrifice that has been passed on. But I think the other thing, too, is.

as it relates to character, Duane, that you just emphasize, it's not only what we're trying to instill in the lives of our children, but as you stated, we have to lead with ourselves first. And that's so important because at the end of the day, You know, we're gonna we're gonna give an account for how we live and how we lead. And that's a great way. That's a great responsibility that we carry as men.

So we gotta we gotta get it right. And we need help. We need encouragement. We need uh wisdom from other men. And um we we just need to have as much godly counsel as we possibly can get, what Psalms one demonstrates about not sitting with those who are unwise, but surrounding ourselves with wisdom and godly counsel so that our lives are rooted and planted And we we can flourish because we have the support system that keeps us accountable and keeps our feet to the fire, so to speak, of walking what we say we believe.

We got to live it out. And that's easier said than done. But iron sharpens iron, as the scripture says, as so one sharpens another. And so men need great accountability, support, encouragement from other men who are in alignment with them To encourage them along the journey because it's hard doing it alone. And man, we live in a a world that is constantly defeating us and distracting us, and it's easy to get defeated and discouraged.

But there's no greater Reward than fatherhood, and it's a great responsibility, but a great joy and reward. As 3 John teaches us, there's no greater joy than seeing our kids walking in the truth. Yeah, yeah, guys, we got to go to a break, and if you can hang in, but we need your calls: 866-348-7884. You're listening to the Truth Network and TruthNetwork.com. Welcome back to Truth Talk Live.

Sunday is Father's Day and um Let me say to you fathers out there, thank you. for what you are doing to make a difference in the lives of your children. It's not easy. It's not easy. We're getting advice today to give to my son.

It's one way of approaching the show today to get advice for all of us. And I'm telling you, I still need it. I'm a grandfather now, but we know that the role of a father, even though they may be out of the house, you still have it. I still have a fatherly role. Relationship with my two daughters, my two sons.

It doesn't end. But early on, again, as that fathered while they are a child, it's so crucial. And Rodney, I wanted to come back to you because. You were talking about the importance of iron sharpening iron. And I got to tell you, we as men.

We as men find it hard Mike, this might be true with you, to ask for help. But tell our listeners why it's so important to get into a men's group, why it's so important to get around other godly men and just say, How in the world are you doing it? Yes. There's a study that was done by Lifeweight Research where they discovered that eighty three percent of parents admit the feeling inadequate when it comes to Really talking to their kids about spiritual and moral matters. And You know, when you think about where we are with so many parents in today's generation, They didn't have good modeling.

They didn't maybe have godly role models or examples. And so many of them. they're walking into this responsibility of parenthood with a in many ways with a blank canvas and They haven't really been shown the way. And so this is where mentoring comes in. And we need to surround ourselves by other godly men who are maybe a few steps further than we are in this journey.

Who can sh Share their wisdom from both successes and failures that they can pass on so that we can learn and grow. From others' mistakes, as well as the things that they did right. Yeah, there's a bunch of bugs. Yeah. Good enough.

Listeners, we'd love to hear your thoughts here. 866. 348-7884. You might have a question for us. Feel free to call.

But again, that advice that will help a father. As they Go through a journey that's usually about 25 years. And Rodney, you're so right. Gosh, we beat ourselves up. I look back and I feel like I did a.

Decent job as a father, but there's so many times I wished I'd have handled things differently that I would have. been there more um And I had great accountability, but still Um I just want to for our fathers listening Uh There's always room for improvement. There's always room for improvement. Don't beat yourself up. We're on a marathon and keep learning, learn from others.

And as Rodney said, get around those other guys and just say: so, how did you handle this? And what did you do when your child started? doing this um Yeah. De Duane, are you still there? Yes.

Or can you can you hear me? Sure can. Yes, one of the opportunities that is so important, I think, for men to realize is that you know, there's grace and there's forgiveness. That we receive from our Heavenly Father. And so even though we may were born in a home that did not have godly examples, maybe we didn't have a godly Father, or even a spiritual father in our lives.

And maybe we grew up maybe somebody who's listening grew up in a home or an environment of dysfunction and chaos or addiction or whatever those patterns may have been.

Well, according to Psalm seventy eight, one of the things That we can do is we can break, we can break those cycles, we can break those. Um Spiritual patterns of dysfunction. And at the same time, we can the Bible says to set our hopes anew on God, we can shift the next generation and we can allow that generation to start with us.

So we can pass on maybe what was never given to us, but we can pass on what we learn through other godly influences. That we can pass on to our children. And so, even to the third and fourth generation.

So, it's important that we. Draw that line in the sand, as Joshua said in Joshua 24, for me and my house, we're going to serve the Lord. Just make that commitment. and surround ourselves with godly influences And be committed to become who maybe you should Be the dad that maybe you never had. And be committed to Really, just honoring the Lord in all areas of your life, and as we do that.

I just really believe that God will give us the grace and the wisdom that we lack. to help us accomplish the assignment given to us as dads. Mike, go ahead. Yeah, I I I totally agree. Uh, this is awesome, uh, conversation.

Too bad it's not two hours or three hours 'cause you know I mean, um you know, our my the giving people wisdom sometimes is is really easy. I'm just telling the story about your father and what he did for you. I really believe that. Just telling my dad one time was we were as a kid when we were a little smaller, you were the moat control. You went up reached up and you turned the T V and you were the remote control.

But my dad pat he reached down and patted my head and told me, Thanks, Mike, each time I turned the T V. You know, I mean, it was those thoughts that stick with you. You know, I mean, this, the, the, the caring and the loving that, you know, that you give your children is more important than anything, you know. And like I said, being that a good example. And my dad didn't have an example.

His dad died when he was five years old. That's right. And he was five years old, and he became one of the best examples I would say for and raised me. And I am so proud of my dad and what he's showed me over the years. Like I said, we need about three hours of time to say everything that needs to be said about how to be a father.

But it's a wonderful, wonderful thing to do. Just Give him give your whole heart. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he'll make your path straight. And that's in fatherhood, too.

Uh it sure is, Mike. And and you know, as we Talk together here right now to all those listening right now. I just want to say this. My son already knows the Lord as his Savior, but I would say one of the most important things a father needs to do is to know the Heavenly Father. If you haven't been saved, if you've not been born again, that you give your heart to the Lord Jesus Christ.

That's where it starts. You get to know the Heavenly Father. Then you know love. Then you know forgiveness. You know that grace.

And then you have that ability because you have the relationship with your Heavenly Father to be a father to your child who will make mistakes and they'll need to be corrected. Uh they'll they'll need to be disciplined. Boy, I had to write a statement down. It takes discipline to do discipline because uh I don't know about you guys, but my children. Very seldom.

if ever, misbehaved at an opportune time. Like, what in the world? I got to stop my world to go and discipline them. But if I love my child, I will discipline them. But I also, if I love my child, I'll disciple them.

And I'll pour God's word into them. I love what Chris said. You're training them for character. Um, affirm the character. I got a D in physics, and you know what?

That was the best I could ever do. I worked harder than ever to get that D. And I appreciate what Chris said about that because when you know you're giving your best, that's all you can do. Um We've got just a minute or so here. Rodney, to a father out there, last.

Big piece of advice. I mean, Now's the time to hit the home run. Tell him what he needs to do.

Well, whatever you do, don't, um. Put unrealistic expectations on yourself or even your children. you know, each and every day is a gift. We can't control tomorrow. There are no guarantees.

But through prayer. and through persistence and through believing faith, persistent faith, God knows our heart, and as long as our hearts are aligned with His good, pleasing and perfect will, God will do what we can't.

So we do what we can, and God will step in and fill the gap and do what we can't. And so at the end of the day, we're planting seeds. And God will bring forth the fruit and the increase in the lives of the next generation, our children. There you go. It's a wonderful, wonderful privilege that we get to have.

Children are a gift from the Lord. They are truly our inheritance from the Lord. Yes. And there's nothing like a praying father. And Kirk knows this.

Pray Colossians 1, 9 through 11 for your children. That's what I prayed for you guys. Colossians 1, 9 through 11. Hey, this has been Truth Talk Live. We've been talking about Father's Day.

Thanks for listening. Have a wonderful rest of your week.