Even good marriages need work. Whether you're newlyweds or you've been married for several decades, good relationships, even the healthy ones, take intentional effort. Today on Insight for Living, Chuck Swindoll continues a practical message from the book of Genesis Chapter 2, where we find the quintessential passage on fireproofing a marriage. By the time we're finished today, Chuck will have cited four time-tested principles that will keep your home from burning down.
You might want to take notes. Chuck titled today's message, Healthy Marriages Start Here. If you are in the category of one seeking marriage or one engaged in it, I urge you to keep these four essentials in mind. Without them, your marriage will never work.
Never. They are essential for the survival of a happy, healthy, strong marriage. Let's take them one at a time.
First, Severance. This is the first directive God gave the first couple. As you grow up, you find your security, your emotional strength, your protection from your mother and father. And that's essential for a healthy childhood.
Without it, you're not healthy. But when you marry, you separate from that tight emotional tie that was essential to you during childhood and adolescence in order for the marriage to grow. And this doesn't mean we abandon our folks or we mistreat them or we cut them off of all relationship.
That's not what's meant by severance. It means we sever the emotional dependence we've had on them throughout our earlier years. We don't rely on them for our physical or financial or emotional or social strength. We're adults. We're moving toward maturity and we're doing this with another individual in marriage. The security by now has transferred to ourselves and there is a sense of purpose and confidence we have on our own that we bring to the marriage.
Then there's permanence. In order for a marriage to be strong and to stay healthy, both husband and wife must be committed to each other in an irrevocable, unbreakable bond. See the word in your Bible, joined?
They will be joined together. The word means to glue in the Hebrew language. It means to bond. It's a permanent bond. You enter into a relationship with this individual like you do with no one else. It's a marriage to one other person. And it is a marriage forever. Don't ever sell short the statement that the vows include till death do you part. There's no other relationship you pledge such a commitment to.
Marriage, you need to do that. So think. Think before you say, I do. Serious stuff. I know, I know a lot of stuff goes on.
This isn't about a lot of stuff. This is what God hears when you promise before him. Better that you not vow than that you vow and not keep it, says the scriptures. God takes our vows seriously. Which brings me to a union or a unity.
This gets even closer. Listen again to the statement God made to Adam. A man shall leave his father and mother at severance and be joined to his wife, that's permanence, and the two are united into one, that's unity. Here's an amazing thought. Think about it. Two opposite genders, two completely different people. Let me spell that out. Different childhoods, different sets of parents, different heritages, different temperaments, different giftedness, different history of struggles and scars, all different, joined in one, a union that's never set of a friendship, that's set of a marriage. That's unique. That's a marriage.
They're strong because they are in union with one another. After saying a few words, think of it, two single syllable words, I do linked, linked up. And by the way, I've stood at that altar hundreds of times. I've never seen magic. No one has magically changed because they stood before a preacher or a justice of the peace. There's no magic in words. This isn't about magic. How often I've heard couples talk about how the other one really chose their colors at the honeymoon.
They don't even seem to be like the same person. Part of the reason is we lie a lot when we date. We say things that aren't true. The guy who says he loves opera is because she likes opera.
When he gets married, he says, I'm not going to go to that opera, please. Well, I thought you said you liked it. Well, that was then. This is now.
I lied. And on and on it goes. You see, at the beginning of the marriage, adjustments begin. And all of those differences, some of those things you cannot change and you should not change. But many of those things become blended into one. Because God sees you from then on as one. As one.
Let that land on all fours. One. No one's ever said it better than the late chaplain of the Senate, Peter Marshall, I quote, marriage is not a federation of two sovereign states. It is a union, domestic, social, spiritual, physical. It is a fusion of two hearts. The union of two lives.
The coming together of two tributaries, which will flow in the same channel, in the same direction, carrying the same burdens of responsibility and obligation. Oh, that's so good. The longer Cynthia and I live together, the more we say to each other, we can make this. We can get through this together.
That's the key word. We may not be able to do it if we were all alone, but we've got each other. We'll make it with each other. We have to have one another to share the burdens of responsibilities and obligations.
And there are so many. By the way, before I go to the last, I don't want to leave out just the fun of allowing yourself to become so close that fun is just a part of your lives together. It's just a part of life. And you're relaxed with each other and you're enjoying each other and funny things happen that you share with each other. What a delightful way to spend one's life with each other. So there's intimacy. As I told you earlier, it means to lay bare.
There seems to be an emphasis on being totally and completely unguarded and vulnerable. The two of them were unguarded and vulnerable, open without secrets. The verse adds that Adam and Eve felt no shame.
The idea in the original Hebrew is reciprocal. They weren't ashamed before or with one another when with each other. As we amplify that thought, they had no hangups.
They had no embarrassments, no awkwardness. You see, when couples are engaged in a lot of sex during the premarital months, they drag that anchor into the marriage and with it comes shame. The man has violated the woman and the woman ultimately resents the man.
And that complicates the beginning stages if not ongoing stages of the marriage. But there is an intimacy, there's a transparency, a sharing of life. It's interesting that when you read through the story, this is all in a state of innocence, okay? They're in the Garden of Eden, sin has not entered, and they're totally given to the other person. There's a reason I'm saying it like that.
They're preoccupied with the other person. That's all in chapter two. When you get to chapter three, sin enters, remember? They ate of the tree and the snake came and Satan in the form of a snake tempts them and they eat of the tree that brings to them a self-consciousness they never had before.
How do I know that? Because the very first thing they do, they cover up. Very first thing, they've not covered up before. But now they cover up, it says, with fig leaves and they hide. And when God comes walking in the cool of the day, he calls out to Adam and Adam, in hiding, the Lord brings him out and he says, why are you there? He says, to God, I was afraid because I was naked. And God says to Adam, who told you you were naked.
Is that a surprising question? Do I have to tell you if you're naked? I don't even want to tell you that your zipper's open. I don't want to tell you that you cut your bottom of your dress and your pantyhose. I don't want to tell you anything like that because it's so embarrassing. It's so awkward. And we don't want anybody to see nakedness because we are all so self-preoccupied.
They never noticed before that they were. You ever think about that? Who told you you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree?
Has sin come? With it came a twisting of the mind. And now I'm in it for myself.
I cover myself up. And I've introduced a statement in my conversation with God I've never used before. Fear!
Why would you be afraid of me? I made you to be like you are. You're a beautiful creation. Sin has come. You and I have never been anywhere near a state of innocence. We're born in sin. We're sinners by choice. Sinners because our parents were sinners. We choose sin. We live under the domination of sin.
Sin directs our lives. We don't ever have to teach a child to be selfish. It's like planting weeds in a garden. You don't have to plant weeds.
They grow naturally. A child is naturally selfish. Why sin?
Adam and Eve were not created selfish. It came with the fall. And it assaulted marriage. Just assaulted it. And what was smooth and beautiful in joining together in union is now spent in hiding in fear and cover up and ultimately in the very first family murder of one brother of another.
What a toll it takes. I've come to an end of this message today, but I need to tell you that the first time I delivered it was back in the 1970s. I recall it was toward the end of the 70s and I was grateful for the insights God gave. Our marriage, much younger at that time, children were all small. We were in the process of cultivating a lot of these things from the scriptures. We hadn't been taught these things in our families. Even though we were from God-fearing families, we hadn't done studies on marriage and all.
And we were growing in our relationship. Anyway, I remember in teaching it, I would say to congregations and conferences, I would say you need to know that these four essentials, severance, permanence, unity and intimacy, they fireproof your marriage. They fireproof your marriage. If your home were to burn to the ground, not one of them is affected.
They're all in place. One lady who happened to hear me at that time, I still remember the letter. I still have it. Six months after the Bible study where we were together and learning these things together, six months later she wrote me a letter. Dear Pastor Swindoll, she wrote, I drove onto my street and found our two-story house had been reduced to a pile of burning embers.
Fire trucks, emergency vehicles were all over. The Lord prepared me six months earlier when I memorized those four simple essentials. And as I sat for a few moments, staring at what was once our lovely home, I realized I hadn't really lost anything essential. She's right. I want you to bow your heads, please, just for a few moments. I won't keep you long.
My time is up. I want you to take a good, long, honest look at your own marriage. Forget the marriage next door or your parents' marriage, whatever it was like. Forget your best friend's marriages, your marriage. That's what concerns me the most, because that's the one you're responsible for.
How you doing? Have you severed unhealthy relationships and close ties with mom and dad? Have you committed yourself to permanence so that no other life can ever come and interrupt what you have with your partner? Or are you doing things on the side that are weakening the permanence and will soon destroy the bond?
How about that unity? You deliberately working toward it, adjusting your life to this day to your partner so that you are cultivating this sense of oneness, of purpose, obligation, responsibilities? Intimacy is the real intimacy.
Are you really open, unguarded, vulnerable, finding delight in one another's life because you have nothing to hide, no shame? Start here. There's only one reason you can't put this together, and I've left that until now. It's possible that you're trying to do all of this in the energy of your own strength and flesh.
You can't do it. You need Christ. You need the Savior.
He's the master of making weak marriages strong and sick marriages healthy and broken marriages whole. Turn to Christ. Give him your life. He who has the Son has the life.
The one who does not have the Son of God does not have the life, but the wrath of God abides on him. Come to Christ right now. I urge you.
Let us hear from you. We'll help you on your journey in your walk with Christ and your marriage as well. Thank you, our Father, for speaking truth in these troubled times.
How rare it is for us to meet up with harmony in homes and true fun, enjoyment, security, laughter, commitment till death separates them. So I pray that you will use these words to bring about changes that are needed and that you would start now. Lest we stay until we drift farther and farther apart and look back with anguish that we fail to heed what you said in your word. Thank you for Jesus who loved us and gave himself for us. May he have his way in all our lives. We pray in his name.
Everyone said, Amen. This is Insight for Living. As Chuck Swindoll said a moment ago, we're here to help you on your journey in your daily walk with Jesus Christ and in your marriage as well. If you'd like some suggestions on how to take your next steps, we'd love for you to visit us online where you can explore Chuck's latest books and articles.
You'll find this and so much more at insightworld.org. Well, Chuck has written a book on marriage that's become a classic, and the principles contained in this book have stood the test of time. It's called Marriage from Surviving to Thriving. Whether for yourself or a young couple just getting started, we believe this practical book will fireproof any marriage.
It's practical, it's fun to read, and most importantly, it's founded on biblical truth. To purchase Chuck Swindoll's book, Marriage from Surviving to Thriving, go to insight.org slash store or call us. If you're listening in the United States, call 800-772-8888. And then we'd like to say thank you for your generous support of Insight for Living. It's possible you've been listening to Chuck's teaching for a long time. Well, perhaps your gift today will do for someone else what his teaching has done for you. You can be the one who invests in young families through this daily Bible teaching program. So as God leads you to give, please follow his prompting. You can give a donation today by calling us. If you're listening in the United States, call 800-772-8888. You can also give online at insight.org slash donate. And then did you realize you're invited to participate in an online worship service this Sunday morning?
That's right. Thousands around the world are taking advantage of this opportunity to enter the worship service where Chuck serves as the senior pastor. To watch the service at a time that suits your schedule, just go to insight.org slash Sundays. Cruise ships leave the harbor for Alaska all the time, but there's only one that's hosted by Insight for Living Ministries. You're invited to travel with Chuck Swindoll this summer. Every moment of your vacation is thoughtfully prepared and protected so that you can enjoy the perfect balance of rest, adventure, relaxation, sightseeing, and just plain fun. All in the company of those who share your respect for God's word and God's creation.
Yeah, I'll put it this way. God had a very good day when he created Alaska. I was awestruck by the majestic mountains, the wildlife, the quaint little seaports. All my life, I've wanted to see a glacier.
When I stepped out on the deck of our ship and witnessed the massive wall of ice, wow, it was truly breathtaking. Escape with Insight for Living Ministries to the great frontier, July 1st through July 8th, 2023. Call 1-888-447-0444. That's 1-888-447-0444. Or learn more at insight.org slash events.
The tour to Alaska is paid for and made possible by only those who choose to attend. I'm Bill Meyer, urging you to listen next time when Chuck Swindoll poses a relevant question. Do you really know your child? That's right here on Insight for Living. The preceding message, Healthy Marriages Start Here, was copyrighted in 2022 and 2023, and the sound recording was copyrighted in 2023 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited.
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