Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver.
This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. For those who are putting themselves between a vulnerable loved one an even worse disaster. Maybe you're pushing a wheelchair. Maybe you're staying up late at night with a child with special needs that's having a bad night.
Maybe you're spending a lot of time back and forth to hospitals, hospice, rehab centers, court. All kinds of scenarios are affecting those out there who are living with somebody with an impairment. How do you help that person?
What does it look like? What are the needs? How do you ask for help if that's where you are? How do you work up the courage to ask for help and then hope somebody will follow through with it and not mess it up even more? All these things plague the hearts of those who are putting themselves in this situation day after day after day after day. And this show is committed to helping them. This show is committed to strengthening that individual, pushing them away from, pulling them away from some very dangerous places and helping them find a better path to safety for themselves. Sometimes physically safety and certainly spiritually and emotionally. These are not easy things that so many millions and millions and millions of people are living with. You're reaching them with a clear message of help, strength, and pointing them to Christ. And your number to call if that's where you are and you just feel like, man, nobody understands what's going on with me. Nobody gets this. I am so alone. Guess what?
You're not. 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840. I'm Peter Rosenberg. I'm bringing three decades of experience on this. And I've had a long time to look at this mountain and go down dark paths that you don't have to go down. You know, you can avoid mistakes.
But in order to do that, you're going to have to listen to folks who have made those mistakes and find out what went wrong and then avoid making those same decisions. I mean, you know, that's that's pretty much my life right there. It's a lifetime of wisdom that I've received from so many others and put it in a way that it makes sense to family caregivers. The show is called Hope for the Caregiver. My book is Hope for the Caregiver. The website is hopeforthecaregiver.com.
The podcast is free. Hope for the Caregiver. It's all there. And what we've done is try to, in a cohesive way, offer meaningful tasks and steps and principles that caregivers can grasp a hold of today. A lifeline is not much good if it comes next week. We may not be around next week to do this. And one of the things that we want to do on this show is equip you right now with things that you could put in your hands.
Right now. Things that you could do. And I've looked at this. Longevity breeds clarity. Longevity breeds clarity. And when you've done this as long as I have for now, I mean, almost 33 years, for a wife with severe disabilities, you start to see what the real issues are. You start walking back from there.
And that's the purpose of the show. And if that's where you are, 888-589-8840. My new book is Seven Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them. And it's a very small book that's easy to get a hold of.
It's easy to go through multiple times. It's just kind of a field manual for caregivers. It's a little gift book size. You stick it in your purse. Put it in your pocket.
Just carry it with you back and forth to all these places. And you can easily remind yourself of these little things that will trip you up and hurt you. They really will hurt you. I talk about isolation. I talk about loss of identity. I talk about fear. I talk about guilt.
I talk about excessive weight gain. All the things that affect us as family caregivers. And it's called Seven Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them.
It's all at my website. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. And let's start off with the scripture. It's one that you're probably going to be very, very familiar with. You're going to know this and you'll probably recognize the words real quick.
But I want you to think about it in terms of being a caregiver. And it's Philippians 4, 6-7. Christ Jesus. Now let me ask you a question. As a caregiver, how do you feel about that verse?
Let's go back and just go slowly through each line. Do not be anxious about anything. Anything. A loved one who is slipping away. A child with special needs that goes into seizures on a regular basis. An alcoholic. An abusive alcoholic.
A family member with a drug problem. It says do not be anxious about anything. But in everything, and everything means surgery, rehab, funerals, everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God. This is all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. For me, I'm just saying for me, that's a hard verse.
Because I'm anxious about anything. I still struggle with all these things. And it's hard with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving.
It's hard to do those things. When you are dealing with the kind of things that we deal with as caregivers, and what we have to watch, and what we have to endure, and what we have to witness on a regular basis and experience, that's a hard verse. And yet there it is, right there in the text, black and white, saying this is the path. And we come back over where Paul says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Now this is the same guy, both verses, when he was writing to Romans, I can do all things. When he's writing in Philippians, he's in a jail.
He's chained up. And it's towards the end of his ministry. Yet he's saying I can do all things. He's saying don't be anxious.
He's saying with prayer and supplication, give thanks to God. Can you do that as a caregiver? Can we do that together? Somebody has gone before us and said yeah, you can. And Scripture is right there saying yeah, you can.
It didn't say it's easy, but it says you can. Let's do it together. Friends don't let friends care give alone. And that's what this show is about here on American Family Radio 888-589-8840. That's the number to call and let's strengthen each other on this. Are you anxious about something today? I bet you are. If you are, that's the number to call. If you're not, hang tight.
It'll come. And then we call the number. We've got to reach out to each other. We've got to strengthen each other, remind each other of these things. This is Peter Rosenberg.
This is hope for the caregiver. We'll be right back. This is Paul who speaks for Jesus. And so he spoke in his writings with the highest possible authority you could speak with.
He was speaking in one sense the words of God to people, and people received it as such. They were to obey Paul's letters. They were to follow Paul's letters as the words of Christ. They were to read Paul's letters publicly. So the idea that these books started off just as occasional letters or historical documents and that only slowly, gradually over time did they gain authority of Scripture. I don't think it's borne out by the historical evidence.
The evidence indicates that the authors knew they were writing Scripture and the early church received the Scripture from a very early time. Visit the God who speaks dot org. No matter the bumps, no matter the bruises, no matter the scars, still the truth is the cross has made, the cross has made you strong. Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver. I am Peter Rosenberg bringing you three plus decades of experience as a family caregiver to help you stay strong and healthy as we both care for those who aren't. And that's what we do on this show. It is exclusively for the family caregiver 888-589-8840.
Now let me ask you a question. What is a caregiver? Well a caregiver is somebody who puts themselves knowingly, willingly, and regularly between somebody with any kind of an impairment and even worse, disaster. Now that impairment may be in a wheelchair. That impairment may be dealing with alcoholism. It may be dealing with addiction. It may be dealing with all kinds of things. It could be Alzheimer's, stroke, traumatic brain injuries.
I don't know. There's so many different scenarios. But whatever the impairment, there's a caregiver somewhere around. And that's what this show is for. And if you try to do this by yourself, it's only going to make it harder. The goal is to not do this alone, not try to white knuckle it. And if you can hang on to that concept and realize that it's okay to talk to someone else, it's okay to reach out about your own needs, about your own issues, then we are making real progress at that point.
Because that's what it looks like to go through this together. 888-589-8840. I love that commercial, by the way, if you're streaming on AFR or if you're watching.
If you're watching on Facebook Live, I may be having some audio trouble, so bear with me. And I'll get my crack staff on that right away. It's me. I am the crack staff. That's the ED at the end of crack. But if you, on the commercial that was just going on about the writings of Paul, and Jim, I'm going to jump in there with you for just a second. Tell me again who that was.
Hold on for me one moment, sir, and I'll have that information. Because as he was doing it, he was talking about, these were not just things that Paul just scribbled down and everybody over time accepted it was Scripture. These folks said they knew, Paul knew at the time that he was writing under the tutelage of the Holy Spirit that this was Scripture as he was writing it. And those are the Scriptures, those are some of the writings we did at the first segment talking about what Paul said in Philippians. Because Paul wrote those things, and most likely he probably dictated it. He knew this was Scripture. This was Holy Spirit breathed into him. Peter, I'm sorry.
My apologies. That was a small segment from our study called The God Who Speaks. The God Who Speaks, yeah.
It's a production of American Family Studios and is available at afastore.net. See, I give you everything. I'm one stop shopping right here.
Yes, you are. Well, I mean, that was just so timely because we were just talking about that in the first segment. And these are not just nice words that Paul wrote. He knew this was Scripture. He knew this was Holy Spirit inspired.
And therefore, it carries far more weight than just somebody's opinion. This is Scripture, and you can count on this. And so if you're reading this verse, do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your request be made known to God. Now, one of the reasons the Holy Spirit is putting that in there is because God knows that we're anxious about everything. But now there's the path.
There's the path. And we're not in bondage to that. We don't have to be in that. We can have peace, the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding.
Now, think about what he's saying there. The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding. In other words, we're going to have peace that we just cannot comprehend. And you understand that in a situation like we're in as caregivers, that that peace is elusive. It is hard to find.
It is hard to find. It is truly elusive. And if we are not constantly refocusing our mind on this, we'll stay in a state of turmoil. And as a caregiver, you understand that, don't you? You get that level of turmoil. That's just no way to live. That's torturous, isn't it? And I know this audience.
We've been doing this now on American Family Radio for many months. And I know the calls that we get and I know the heartache and I see the emails that I constantly get. And the turmoil that's heavy on us as caregivers. Well, we just don't know where to go. We don't know what to do.
And I can't map out your next five years anymore than you map out mine. But what we can do is reinforce with each other basic principles. And sometimes it comes down to something very simple, like do the next right thing. The next right thing. So if you're listening right now and struggling, you're just thinking, Peter, you just don't understand.
Well, first off, I do understand. But number one, number two, I don't know what to do. I don't know where to go. What's the next right thing? And we may have to micromanage it all the way down to maybe the next right thing is for you to take a nap.
And just that's it. Just turn it off and take a nap. Maybe the next right thing is for you just to have a quiet bowl of soup. Maybe the next right thing for you to do is turn off the television and just sit and be still for a moment.
Maybe the next right thing for you is to walk around the block and just kind of air out. These are things that we this is the way we do it. I'd love to tell you that there was some kind of, you know, six point plan to whatever. There's not.
There's boiling it down to its absolute core. The next right thing may just be for you to drink a cold glass of water and not try to talk right now to a loved one that is just making you nuts. I was listening to somebody the other day. They're talking to a family member with that's slowly starting to have dementia, and they're trying to reason with them.
How do you reason with dementia? How does that? What does that even look like? My wife is missing both legs. How do I tell her ankle on her prosthetic leg to move normally? It can't. It is inanimate.
It will not do. It looks like an ankle, the place of an ankle, but it's not an ankle. It is a prosthetic device.
I cannot tell it or or command it or in any way engage it to do anything other than what it is built to do or is capable of doing. Dementia is the same way. How do you argue with diabetes?
You can't. So why would you argue with dementia? Why would you argue with impairment? Why would you argue with somebody who is under the influence of alcoholism or drug, chronic disease of addiction? You don't argue with addiction.
You do the next right thing, which may mean to detach yourself from that so that you're not getting pulled into these loops all the time. Let's go to Jean in Texas. Jean, good morning. How are you doing? I'm doing good and I'm driving so I and I'm following my husband. I hope I don't lose you.
I hope we don't lose you either on multiple levels. So be careful. Can you turn your radio down a little bit? Well, it's down. Okay, I'm just hearing a little bit of an echo.
Well, it's down as low as I could get it. All right. That's all right. Well, what's on your heart and mind? Okay, what I wanted to add to the list, you're talking about caregiving. And I so agree with you because we were really blessed, my husband and I, to take care of his mother about eight or nine years before she died. And she had had this dementia at night.
She passed away at 92. We both were able to retire. And my husband and our oldest oldest, our son, had built our little house by us where we had a small acreage.
Okay. That that was a blessing for us to do that. We thoroughly enjoyed it. And, you know, at times it was tough. But God's gracious, sufficient daily.
We, you know, I was taught that growing up from my parents. So we relied on, you know, God's grace. After she died a year later, my husband was called to a little country church. And he said he pastored. We're still pastoring there. And so anyway, a year after we had been there, a daughter and her husband and five children that lived about 30 minutes away, he was a pharmacist.
We lost him to suicide. Now, what I want to add to that is caregivers. We have been caregivers for those, for that daughter, that although she had a home, she was able to buy a house and she lived in the rural community with us. But it's like another blessing that the Lord let us go through with she and still going through it with her and those five kids.
Okay. That is almost like caregiving. Would you agree with that?
Not really. You know, it's got some similar principles, but caregiving is when you are in the throes of it every day. You may have some of the principles, but does she live with you? Are you responsible for her?
No, no, no. Well, basically, she's like three streets over. You do things for her and you check on her and that kind of stuff. But ultimately, you're not really responsible for her. You're not in a situation where you're having to do this every day. This is something you're doing out of just the love of your heart, which is great.
But what you did with your mother, what you did with your mother was far different. And this woman is an adult who has some troubles. She has some needs and you guys are being there like the body of Christ and you're doing that, that kind of thing. But at the same time, you're not responsible for her and you're not having to carry this. You're choosing to bear one another's burdens in that sense. But she is not a family member or a spouse or things such as that where this is your responsibility. And if you're not there, she's out of luck. I mean, that's it.
It's going to go over the cliff kind of thing. That's the kind of focus I'm looking for on this. But at the same time, the principles still do apply.
They always apply. You guys can use everything that we're talking about in this situation with this girl because she's still traumatized. She's still wounded. But she's not dependent upon you. At least I hope not yet. I guess that probably, you know, there were times whenever physically, emotionally, even maybe spiritually, she has been in the last two to three years.
No, but I don't believe that a person that is in that situation, I just think it takes a few years. And there's no doubt that she's wounded on this. Is she impaired?
No. I mean, she's not mentally impaired and she's not physically impaired. She's emotionally traumatized by what happened.
And I get that. But she's not impaired. And the people, most of the people that are functioning as caregivers are dealing with somebody who has an impairment, whether it's age-related, disease-related or trauma-related. And it's prohibited and it's not necessarily going to get better.
In her case, she's obviously getting better and she's moving through that. But Gina, it just reflects your heart. It reflects your husband's heart that you guys are modeling what it says to bear one another's burdens. And that's just awesome. And thank you for that. And I do appreciate very much the call.
I really do. And I thank you for leaving. And now, I want you to be careful while you're driving, okay? Okay. We're doing our best to be careful.
We don't have to worry about it. Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver. This is Hope for the Caregiver on American Family Radio. I am Peter Rosenberger bringing you three plus decades of experience as a caregiver to help you stay strong and healthy as you care for someone who's not. And that is the definition of a caregiver.
It's like our last caller was talking about. Yeah, we will come alongside some folks and we may function as a – with caregiver principles. You know, a lot of people make an argument, well, I'm a parent. That means I'm a caregiver.
Well, not really. A caregiver is somebody who is knowingly and willingly and daily and regularly putting themselves between somebody with an impairment and even worse, disaster. Children are vulnerable but they're not necessarily impaired.
They are growing and they're going to get better. Grandchildren the same way. If you have a professional carpet cleaner on retainer, you're probably a caregiver.
That's an old joke I did. 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840 is the number to call if you want to be on the show. By the way, 7 Caregiver Landmines is the book.
You can get it wherever books are sold, certainly on all the dot coms like Amazon and so forth. 888-589-8840 is the phone number. Hopeforthecaregiver.com is the website and you are welcome to participate in the show. The Facebook is Hope for the Caregiver on Facebook. Like our page and share it. The podcast, you can sign up for it.
It's free. I put the show out there. I put different clips of the show and special features that we do as well as different songs or music or whatever from Gracie.
You'll hear from Gracie in the next segment, I mean between the next segment on her ad for Standing with Hope which is the ministry she and I founded many years ago when she gave up both of her legs and she wanted to give prosthetic legs to her fellow amputees as a way of sharing the gospel. And we've been doing that now for 14 years. As of this month, 14 years in the West African country of Ghana and patients come from as far away as Nigeria to this clinic where we work.
We partner with the government of Ghana over there and they go walking and leaping and praising God. We do this several ways. One of them is we collect used prosthetic limbs from all over the country. So if you know somebody who has passed away or a child who has outgrown a leg, don't throw it away.
We will take it. Go to standingwithhope.com and click on where it says prosthetics, donate a used limb. It goes to a local prison in Tennessee where inmates volunteer to disassemble that so we can recycle the parts of it like the screws, the adapters, the connectors, the feet, the pylons, the knees. All those kinds of things that can be recycled and then we'll ship all that along with purchased items which I just purchased this week from the prosthetics supply manufacturers like pylons that are longer. We don't always get enough of those in so we need to sometimes purchase those or resin so that we can make a brand new socket for the patient right there on site. And then they get a brand new custom fit leg, same quality, same style that Gracie herself wears.
She says, look, I'm not putting a leg on somebody that I'm not willing to wear. And they go walking and leaping and praising God. It's really a remarkable ministry and you could be a part of that. We have two program areas at Standing With Hope for the wounded and those who care for them. And this show is the second program.
The first one is the prosthetic limb ones. You know, if you ever want to give somebody a gift that keeps on walking, this is it. StandingWithHope.com and your help makes that all possible.
Go out and take a look today. StandingWithHope.com All right, let's get to Martha in Tennessee. Martha, good morning. How are you feeling? I actually set my cell phone alarm so I could hear you.
Thank you for that. This is my third time to hear you. And I did talk to you the first time I heard you. But since then I wound up in the hospital and also in rehab. So I'm home again.
What happened with you? Well, first off, let me go back. Let me go back, Martha. How are you feeling?
Yeah. All right, let me go back and read our scripture, Martha. Do not be anxious about anything. Say it with me. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with what in your heart? Thanksgiving. Let your request be made known to God and the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. All right.
That doesn't mean it necessarily goes away. We may have to say that to ourselves about 100,000 times. I know I'm on my 100,000th and 12th time, and that's just from this morning. But tell me what's going on with you. Let's see what we can do together. Well, I'm just, you know, I have been overwhelmed. But before I say anything else, I just want to thank you for this program because the encouragement is beyond words, and I thank AFR for carrying this important work that you all are doing together. And I just, first of all, have to be thankful for you all.
And I am. Just want you to know. And the songs you play between sessions are helpful, too. They just make a difference.
They really make a difference. We're glad to hear that, Martha, because we do put a lot of thought into how do we want to do this with the song selection and everything. So I really am glad to hear that it's connecting with you because all of this is intentional. And we can hear it in your voice a little bit right now that you're struggling with it. So let's go ahead.
But thank you for those comments. Well, I'm so far behind on housework. But I can't. Get in line, Martha. Get in line.
You know what? Get in line because I am, too. But there's times in my house, OK? There's not just housework.
It's just total destruction right now. But I will get things right. I think that scripture was meant for me today. I think it is. I think that's a good place to stay. You know, Martha, I see things around my own place. And if a caregiver is frazzled, I guarantee their house is. All right.
I mean, that let's just be blunt here. And I have found that sometimes it just it gets overwhelming to look at all the things that have to be done. And so what you do is you boil it down to something you can do right now. Sometimes it's just a matter of just cleaning the microwave. You know, you get one task done.
OK, I clean the microwave and give yourself an add a girl for that and and then do the next task that's in your hand to do. But I do martial arts, Martha. In fact, I'll be going to teach a class right after the show. And I'm a second degree black belt.
You've heard of show enough. I mean, that's that's what I am now. I'm just kidding. But it's.
But one of my things my instructor tells me is. Fight what's closest. Fight what's closest. So if you've got an enemy or an opponent 100 yards away and you've got one that's five yards away, fight the one that's five yards away. And I still that someone said, well, what if the one that's the closest whoops? I said, well, then you don't have to worry about the one that's farthest away. And so whatever is close to your hand to do, do that. But don't try to take on the whole world, the whole house, every room in the house, everything that needs to be done.
You can't. You're not living a normal life. You're taking care of your husband, it says.
You're not living a normal life where you could just give yourself the luxury of of being a flurry of activity, of doing all these tests, because you could be interrupted at a moment's notice. And we're in stop and go traffic as caregivers. Rarely do we get out on the interstate and let this thing get wide open.
Rarely. We just don't get to cruise, put it on cruise control very often. So we're in stop and go traffic on a regular basis.
And we quit fighting it and we just deal with the next right thing. What's what's at your what's what's something you could do this morning that you can say, OK, I did that. That's manageable. That could be completed this morning.
I mean, like I said, it may be just something as simple as cleaning the microwave. I know you. You're in Tennessee. My my my wife has a great.
The last color was from Texas. That's right. But my wife has a great aunt lives out in in Waukesa, Texas.
Yeah. And she is just a delight. I just love her to pieces. Her name is Lila and I just love her. And I hear her voice in my head because she used to tell this to Gracie all the time when when Gracie would go out and visit her when she's a little girl.
And now and I still talk to Lila periodically, but but I still hear it in my head at night. I try to clean the kitchen before I go to bed every night because nobody wants to walk out to a messy kitchen. And so sometimes it's late at night and I'm looking at the kitchen. I'm thinking, oh, I'm just it.
Lila, I'm just going to have to disappoint you tonight. But I still sometimes will punch through it and go ahead and get it all nice and clean. And I'm so glad I did the next morning when I come out in the kitchens clean. And sometimes it's that level of personal victory of something of accomplishment that I did. OK, that made my life a little bit better. I punched through it for an extra 10 minutes, got it all cleaned up, you know, and there's a great deal of satisfaction of coming out in the morning and not seeing just a kitchen in disarray.
And I know that sounds elementary and sounds kind of basic and a little bit embarrassingly simple. But when you deal with the kind of things we deal with as caregivers, those moments of feeling like we did this, we got this done. Don't underestimate how important those are to us as caregivers.
Just the little things. Martha, we got to take a quick break, but let's thank you for calling and thank you for just sharing your heart. And thanks for just being a listener and being along this journey with us. I'm very grateful for you. And if you want to be on the show, 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. This is hope for the caregiver.
We'll be right back. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger. And in 1983, I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me.
But over time, my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs, led me to establish Standing with Hope. For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies.
And with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's standingwithhope.com.
I'm Gracie, and I am standing with hope. Unplanned, a true story of one woman's journey across the lifeline. This is Abby. She's our newest volunteer escort. Abby Johnson was passionate about a woman's right to choose. I'm not going to apologize for doing a job that helps women in crisis. She rose in the ranks of the world's largest abortion provider.
And the award goes to Abby Johnson. Until the day she saw something that changed everything. It just moved away from the catheter. They always move.
That's why I do it this way. What she saw changed her heart. It was like it was twisting and fighting for his life. It changed her mind.
A tiny, perfect little baby, and then it was just gone. They tried to silence her. Don't underestimate the repercussions of this. You've got to be careful. But nothing could hold her back from exposing the truth. Congratulations.
You've managed to make an enemy of one of the most powerful organizations on the planet. Unplanned. In theaters everywhere.
March 29th. Good morning and welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio. I'm Jim Stanley, general manager for AFR, and you may have just heard the spot for Unplanned, the movie. And that's a very powerful movie, but it also carries an R rating. It's the only it's only the second movie that AFR has ever promoted that has that R rating. So we want to caution you about your children. I probably wouldn't take young children to it.
It's not a bad movie, per se, and it got the R rating because of the content, because there are some abortion scenes in there. And we believe it will change. We hope that it will change lives for the better. And Peter, I want to get back to you now here on Hope for the Caregiver on AFR. Thank you for that, Jim. And I do appreciate that. And yes, we will be seeing that.
But it's you know, there are certain things that we just have to look at in order to effectively go out and start speaking life to our culture because our culture is so obsessed with death. And I appreciate AFR and AFA supporting that movie. Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver. I am Peter Rosenberger, 888-589-8840.
If you want to be a part of the show, hopeforthecaregiver.com. And Jim, let's go to Nancy. Nancy from Ohio.
Nancy from Ohio. Good morning. Hey, Nancy, how are you feeling?
I'm fine physically, but emotionally my heart is hurting. I have been listening to your show for over two years, and it is one of the most wonderful, thought-provoking, and inspirational shows ever. And I just want to say thank you. You are anointed as God to give good advice to caregivers. Well, thank you very much for that.
You have helped me. Yes, so many times you have helped me as I've listened to you on Saturday mornings. I have been a caregiver for three individuals for the last two years. I moved from Oklahoma to Ohio back to my home place to care for my mother who had beginning stages of dementia. And I also took care of my 94-year-old uncle, and my husband was dying with heart disease all at the same time. I had lots of energy, and I was able to take care of each one of them every day, and I thank God for the energy that I have to do that. Now, bringing you up to date, each one has passed away within the last two years, my husband nine months ago, and my mother just a week ago. She was 100. And the problem that has arisen is my mother had five children, and when I was with her, she would say to me on a daily basis, I had Tom, the youngest brother, he had me sign my will, and now everything is equal between you children.
I have distributed everything equally. Well, Mom would say that to me as I would take care of her, and the next minute, of course, she would not be talking quite right. But anyway, the day before she passed away in hospice, my brother came in, and I love my brothers dearly, but he came into the room and he said, the will is laying on the windowsill. My brothers and sisters had asked for the will for years, and he would never bring it forth.
He's a POA. So I took it home and read it, and when I read it, I just about lost it because in the will, it stated that everything was given to my youngest sister, including the farm, including all the farmland, the bank accounts, the home, which is separate, which she rents out. And I was just a little mortified. Do I have a bad attitude about this? What do you think? Do I need a psychologist? Do I need the Lord?
Well, let's go with the latter first. Yes, you always need the Lord. Let's go back to our scripture today. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, including wills that get messed up, by prayer and supplication, let your request be made known to God. I mean, we got to go back to the text on this. However, that doesn't mean you don't take action.
That just means that you don't go rushing in and waving a sword and start just beating the people over the head with stuff. You need to go at this matter of factly. How does your brother feel about this? I have three brothers and two of the brothers, they feel exactly the way I do.
They're just mortified that they're all farmers. And does your sister know all this? Pardon me? Does your sister know all this going on? Yes, she does now because I became emotionally upset and I told her how I felt about it. Did she influence your mother to redo the will?
No, she is a puppet. She does everything the youngest brother says to do. So why would your mother leave everything to the sister then? Because my youngest brother told me that because mom lived in Patty's house, that she deserved to have everything. So I was so confused because mom said everything is divided equally now. Well, my mother was blind and she couldn't even hardly write her name.
My brother put the paper in front of her hand and put the pen in her hand. The youngest brother did when this was all done. Do you have an attorney? I don't know how to handle this.
Pardon me? Do you have an attorney? We have called attorneys and the bottom of the will says it cannot be contested or we lose everything that was written. The brother had that put, the youngest brother had that put in the will. Well, I would probably still seek legal advice on this. There's a service that I use. You can see it at my hopeforthecaregiver.com page where it's very affordable legal advice. But I would seek legal advice on what you can and cannot do. And I think that you don't need to do this alone. You should not be leading the charge by yourself on this one because you have two other brothers that are just as upset as you are.
Yes, and it's so bad. Our family is so split and we are a family. My mother played the piano for many churches all her life.
And we were raised to be a Christian in a Christian family. And we've always enjoyed each other, all six children. One daughter died, one of her daughters. But anyway, we've always enjoyed each other's presence and now we aren't even speaking to each other and it just breaks my heart.
And I feel like all this death and now my heart is just ripped. All right, first things first. Not that I want the money, it's just the principle.
Well, I get that. But there's nothing like this kind of stuff to really split up a family and this is one of the reasons we do the show. First things first. Sit down with the brothers that are upset about this and then lay out a strategy of what you guys want to do about it. And then maybe you can dig a little deeper and find out why this other brother chose to put everything in his sister's name versus himself. Well, he is the POA and he's next so I think he just basically wants to buy the farm from her. Well, and that's fine and then if he buys the farm from her then work it out with your sister to whatever he pays for the farm to be split among the family or whatever, I don't know.
There's a lot of different ways you could do this but it sounds like you and your other two brothers need to sit down and have a frank discussion about what are your options. And I don't know that I wouldn't, I think before you just throw up your hands and say, you know, we can't contest the will. I would really, really, really encourage you to seek legal guidance on this. Okay? And it's available out there and this is probably... Well, my brothers did seek attorneys and they said when they read the will, this is fraud.
Well, okay, it's one thing to... They didn't even give a dollar and they claimed the dollar. Everybody has, there's jokes that we should frame our dollar and we all said, well, we haven't even received a dollar from my mother and I was, you know, I was just as much a... Well, if your mother had to mention she was blind when she signed it, you know, again, seek legal help.
If you've already got at least one attorney saying this is fraud, it's not enough to say it's fraud, then you need to act on it. And it may mean pushing extremely hard against this one brother who has the POA. It may mean that but don't try to do this by yourself. You have two other brothers and the three of you along with sound legal advice may be able to make some headway in this. It may fracture the relationship, but the relationship is already fractured. And, you know, I mean, it may cause some significant damage to the relationship, but that's already happened anyway.
So I don't know that you have a whole lot to lose by seeking strong legal advice on what you can do about this. And, you know, it just reinforces on why we do this show because these are the kind of things that just rip families apart. And it's not enough to go through the death and the funeral and all that kind of stuff. But then you got to go through this whole mess of the families coming to odds to blows over this. Emotional blows, sometimes physical ones. So please get sound legal advice on this and don't just throw in the towel and say, OK, this is done.
There's there's more that can be done on this, I believe. I want to try to squeeze in one real, real, real quick here, Jim. Kathy in North Carolina, let's see, caregiver to mom and brother, Kathy, good morning. How are you feeling? I'm sorry to give you such a short amount of time, but how are you feeling? Well, this week I'm doing OK. About a month ago, my brother was in the hospital. I had to take care of him. I had to take care of my mother. And then I've taken on a friend's sister who had a major stroke. And a few weeks ago, it was just if I had called you, then I would have broke down. Well, that's OK. By the way, you're welcome to call and break down on the show.
OK, well, Kathy, sadly are. Oh, man, we're up against the clock. Real quick, real quick.
Ten seconds. He doesn't understand that I have to take care of my family. And the other week it was just too much. Well, you know what? He may not understand. He may not like it. He may not be happy with it.
That's OK. He's just going to have to get happy. The same shoes you guys sat in or mad in because you're going to have to detach from that and do the next right thing for you and your family. And that's all you can do. We'll talk about this more next week. Hope for the caregiver dot com.
We'll see you next week. The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family Association or American Family Radio.
Whisper: medium.en / 2024-01-22 02:37:49 / 2024-01-22 02:55:53 / 18