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"I didn't expect it ...did not see it coming!"

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
April 9, 2019 4:25 pm

"I didn't expect it ...did not see it coming!"

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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April 9, 2019 4:25 pm

Tammy in Texas shared her frustration and discomfort with a caregiving situation involving her mother-in-law. Despite the family wanting to help, her sister-in-law kept tight control of the caregiving tasks, but would then find time to complain about it. The family struggled with how to get along in this situation.

To Tammy's surprise, I offered a suggestion that caught her off guard ...and renewed her passion to try this new path. 

While initially frustrated at the top of the conversation, Tammy, within minutes felt excited, hopeful, and was even laughing while exclaiming about my suggestion,"I didn't expect it ...did not see it coming!"

Hope for the Caregiver is the conviction that we as caregivers (even if we're a step removed) can live a calmer, healthier ...and even more joyful life as caregivers!

 

 

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Tammy in Texas to meet her feeling wonderful. Thank you so much for what you do.

I have a question I was a caregiver to my father, who passed away in 2004, though I'm on the sector are on the end of being a caregiver and no one what that entailed. However, I'm in a situation where I have a sister-in-law who is the primary caregiver of my mother-in-law and she lived with her.

She does everything for her. She believe my mother-in-law is legally blind in and has some other health issues. My issue comes in with. We want to help her. We want to. I'd like us that have been on the end of being a caregiver. So I try to reach out and offer help in ways that I thought I needed help or did I wish my siblings would've stepped up but she doesn't allow us to help in anyway and if we do things when she like if she leave and we know, my mother-in-law is there at the house because she can be left unattended for chief you know she can pretty much take care of herself to a point, but it we go over to the house when my mother-in-law's alone and we do certain things in my sister-in-law will just absolutely not be happy, and we hear about it for day that we should have done this. We should've done it that way. Bubble bubble bath, though again I try to emphasize with my husband who get on with my sister-in-law on my husband's behalf because he's frustrated he wants to help my brother-in-law and Mr. law also want to help, but any time any of us try to do anything.

My sister-in-law is not up to her standards. Her liking her way of things I try to explain this to my husband. You know she knows your mother better. She knows her daily routine. You know I try to work both ends of it, but will this back up a little bit in my sister-in-law ends up complaining that no one helped her Do. Let's back up just to hear.

This is your sister-in-law's mother Brickey, but it would may be a better way of handling this is not try to help you mother-in-law try to help her sister and maybe that's a better way to get to your sister's heart of your sister-in-law's heart is to help her and so you say look, I know you're taking care of your mother-in-law. Is there something we could pick up for you at the grocery store. Is there something we could do it your house to help you do is or something we can help you on the periphery and you start helping in will and in other areas other than try to directly address your husband's mother. She obviously feels like she has a handle on that. She's got a locket bill you can't hold somebody down to just help the heck out of you know you got to back off and respect those boundaries.

However foolish sometimes is boundaries are distill her boundaries and if she's going to complain. You gotta be your husband. I think you need to come probably from your husband more than you because you don't want your husband have to be defending his sister and his wife that that's not that that's a no win situation. Let me just go ahead go up and up. But what you can do is let your husband talk to his own sister and say, look, we want to help you.

We understand that that you feel very passionate about this.

Let us help on the periphery of things at your home with your life, what can we pick up for you with the grocery store. When Celeste time you saw in our daughter as your I think you hit the nail on the head. I honestly like I said I've been on the caregiver end of it so I think I think you hit the nail on the head with that because I didn't approach it that way. Acknowledge I'm kinda played the mediator in all of it of trying to, you know, like you said because I been on both ends of it and I tried to be the mediator instead of offering to help her. We've been help trying to help my mother-in-law so I think I think that's an excellent ideal.

I appreciate that I do the best like it was when I got to me I was you know this is your former governor used to say even a broken clock is right once a day, and I think that's hilarious that he said that he didn't quite understand what he was saying that the tub that's funny, I don't care who you are, your should all be left right across the entire network. You really should be left because as funny though. I think that's what we did. We have to back up and think okay what does health look like.

And obviously she's got this thing locked up tight with your mother-in-law okay but that doesn't mean that you guys can still help with this other ear.

So try that and see eight let you know what was given a shot.

Give it a whirl and see if you can't just ministered her do things that are thoughtful to her when she comes home after helping you mother-in-law. She sees things that are reflective of your heart.

It takes you out of the equation of trying to force your help into situation where she obviously is not really willing to accept it will complain about that and that archaic that it perfect. I you really, truly did.

I did not expect your work on. I did not expect it did not get common and did so well.

I detective once again take it out because offering to help her minister to her help her is trying to get in on my mother-in-law but that's not what were trying to do or just try.

I'm just trying to ease stress on her, so you hang out because you we do the best we can with what we got everywhere tried hard. That's our motto. We try hard, listen. I got to go to another call you for calling. Thank you for listening to God love you and I'm glad you left that's that's a good set.

I like to see what would would callers or leave left with a good job you're okay I will see you. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you and Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me. But over time the questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison. We also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ.

The source of my help and strength, please visit standing with help.com to learn more and participate in lifting others that standing without.com. I'm Gracie. I am staining with help


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