Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger.
I am glad that you're with us. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. For those individuals who are putting themselves daily between a loved one with a chronic impairment, an even worse disaster. How do you help those folks?
What does it look like? Let's talk about those impairments. Maybe it's Alzheimer's or some other form of dementia. Maybe it's Parkinson's. Maybe it's autism.
Did you see where the autism rate in New Jersey is soaring? Maybe it's cerebral palsy. Maybe it's a mental illness. Maybe it's trauma, a traumatic brain injury.
Maybe it's addiction, alcoholism. Those are chronic impairments. All of those things and so many more are requiring individuals to somehow surround that individual that is dealing with that impairment and help them stay out of an even more horrific situation. And we ask about how that impaired loved one is doing, but do we ask how the caregiver is doing?
Do we know what it looks like? Do we know what to ask? Do we know what help looks like to that caregiver? This is what we talk about on this show. And the reason we do it is because if the caregiver goes down, what happens to the loved one? See, it's always a two for one deal. And so this show is committed to speaking to the heart of that caregiver who is fighting for special needs children to get a quality education in a public school, who is fighting against home healthcare agencies that don't want to do what you hope that they'll do, who is fighting against hospitals or medical staff who are charging things or whatever. And you got to fight those bills sometimes that come in that are...
I've done that over the years. I've seen charges on my wife's statement. My wife's had 80 surgeries, both legs amputated. This has been going on since Reagan was president. And I've seen things on the hospital bill that were like, whoa, dude, what is this all about?
And I would fight with hospital and medical providers on this. Now, I got a degree in music. They didn't teach me how to do all that in music school. I'm just saying. So how are you doing with all that?
How are you holding up while you're doing that? And this is where you are. And if you're struggling with this, this is the place for you. 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840. If you want to be a part of the show and share your own experiences with it, share your fresh frustration with it. If you want to cry, if you want to just vent, this is the place for you. And we hope that you will take advantage of this because there's nothing like this on the air across the whole country. And we would love for you to be a part of this show.
888-589-8840. And as usual, I like to start off with a scripture. And I saw this one this is a very, very short scripture. Galatians 6, 2. Galatians 6, 2.
Anybody know this one off the top of your head? We've probably heard it before, but you may not know the reference of it in Galatians 6. This is Paul's letter to the church in Galatia. He said, bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. It's a nice scripture.
We've all heard it. Now, let me just say as caregivers, just speaking to us, it's hard to bear someone else's burden if you don't know what they are. If you don't know what they're carrying or how they're feeling or what this is doing to them, if you can't see them much less their burden, it's hard to bear it.
Wouldn't you say? So I've been writing some articles lately and I've got one coming out. There was a tragedy this week that happened in Minnesota. A minority owner of the Vikings was found in his home and he had evidently shot and killed his wife who lives with dementia. They've been married for 60 years and she's been in a wheelchair and declining pretty significantly and then he turned the gun on himself. Now, this is happening. I first heard about this as a young man when I was a friend of mine's grandfather did this to her grandmother who had a pretty drawn out illness and he chose this path for – I mean, we could explore the reasons all day long on it but I was reading on some stuff about this and a woman in – a psychiatrist down in South Florida said, in Florida alone this has increased tenfold in the last 30 years. People are becoming extremely distraught and in that depression and in that heartache they make tragic choices. And so how do you speak into that?
Are there warning signs? Can we intercept that? Can we speak life into it? Can we give them a fighting chance? I say we can.
Can't solve it. We can't fix everything but we can certainly give them a fighting chance and at least speak into it to bear one another's burdens. So I thought I'd give you a few things that we can just talk about here so you can kind of know – see if this resonates with you as a caregiver and for those of you who are not caregivers so you'll know how to better connect to caregivers. I know what's kind of going on with them, particularly you pastors. I spent a lot of time talking to pastors and clergy. I'm the son of a pastor and I watched him do it right. I mean, dad just – he really got the journey of pastoring people and would speak into their heartache and their misery and their frustration. And today it seems all too many clergy members are detached.
They're segmented. They focus on their job description versus – and there's no such thing as a man-made job description for a pastor. If you're called to the ministry, then your job description is what God calls you to do on this. And I understand pastors need a break. I get all that, okay?
Let's don't get out in the weeds on that. I just know that we have a responsibility to, as Galatians – Paul just said in Galatians – bear one another's burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ. Now that doesn't mean you can carry what I carry with my wife. You can't do that. I have to do that. That is my responsibility. But it does mean that you can see and address and speak into with great clarity and specificity into the lives of people who are struggling and offer them practical help and a path to safety.
But you got to see it first. By the way, if you want to be on the show, 888-589-8841. And we'll go over a couple of these things throughout the show today of what that looks like. And I will tell you there are three core issues that affect every caregiver at some point. And these three core issues, if not intercepted, will lead to even greater heartbreak. That may not go all the way down to what happened in the news this week.
But make no mistake, it will lead to heartbreak, greater heartbreak than they're already dealing with. And one of those is isolation. And you'll hear me talk about this a lot on this show.
That's why we do the show, by the way. Because caregivers, by definition, are isolated. They're landlocked and caring for someone and they can't get out. And caregivers can feel isolated in a crowded room.
Caregivers can feel isolated on a crowded pew. All right. So we're going to talk about that a little bit more. You want to be a part of this? 888-589-8840.
888-589-8841. This is Peter Rosenberg and this is hope for the caregiver. That conviction that we can live a calmer and healthier and dare I say it, a more joyful life while dealing with harsh realities. Come on back.
We'll tell you more about it. Welcome back to the show for caregivers, about caregivers, hosted by a caregiver. This is the nation's number one show for those who are putting themselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse disaster. Somebody with a chronic impairment and you're doing this.
You're putting yourself between that person and even worse things. How are you feeling? How are you doing? 888-589-8840.
888-589-8840. Now we're talking about what to look for when you're dealing with someone who is going through these things. And as my custom on this show, we have a lot of things we'll talk about, but we will come to a screeching halt and weave in calls because if it's on your mind, even if it's all subject on this, we'll talk about it. Okay.
And then we'll swerve back into what we were going back before if it was something different. So let me just grab one call real quick. Tammy. Tammy in Tennessee. Good morning, Tammy. How are you feeling? How are you feeling, Tammy? I'm hanging in there. How are you doing? Well, I'm not convinced, Tammy, that you're hanging in there. Are you really all right? I am. I am right now.
There were a couple months back that I was not. And I think like all of us, you know, what keeps us going is when we have a lot on our plate that April's Autism Awareness Month, I have a daughter with autism. And so I have a lot to do this month.
Keeps me out in the community, keeps me going. So I think the hardest times for me is like, you know, we've had a really serious winter here or just dreary. And so when you just feel that isolated, left behind, forgotten, you know, because everybody else is moving on and you're stuck. So I definitely have those times that, you know, you just don't know how long you can keep doing it. Well, you're going to do it.
You can't do it for a lifetime, but you can do it for 24 hours. Why? Exactly. And that's the way we have to look at it, isn't it? Absolutely.
Absolutely. Let me ask you a question, Tammy. Let me ask you a question. Did you see that report about the spike of autism in New Jersey? Um, I did not. I did not. I'd be curious to see what you think about that.
No, it was, it came out like yesterday or the day before. I mean, it's like, it's the number one state in the country that's doing this. And it's like, you know, way off the chart kind of thing of what's going on in New Jersey with this diagnosis with autism. And do you think, do you think that, um, do you think there are significantly more cases or are we diagnosing it better? You know, I have been, um, Morgan is 25. So in a number of years off and on, I have seen people talk both ways. I, I think there are absolutely better diagnosis, you know, because we know a lot more than we did, but I do think there are a lot more children, um, now than there used to be.
Why? I don't know. Environmental factors, um, what have you. But I definitely think there are more because when I went to school, I didn't notice, you know, that many kiddos with, you know, this type of seeing the disorder like I do now, it wasn't there or I didn't see it. So I absolutely think there are a lot more kids now and I'm in that world.
So I'm seeing more. I had a friend who, when my daughter was, uh, little, she was a speech teacher and she told me before we got the diagnosis, she said, you know, it looks like a mild case of autism. She says, but I've only seen one child, you know, and she had tons of kids with developmental disabilities and she said, I've only seen one child that presented this way. And now, uh, as a speech teacher before she retired, she said she had like 250.
So this is somebody who works it and knows it. So it, there are absolutely more children with, you know, this developmental, these issues. Let me, let me ask you two more questions. We're coming up on Easter. Um, how has, how has your faith sustained you through this? Oh, it's what, it's what absolutely keeps me going. Um, cause I, cause I do have that hope that, you know, it's not on this side, on the other, I'm gonna have a better understanding. I'm going to get to hear her speak to me and really tell me, you know, what it's like from her end because that's what I long for. Cause when you do, when you deal with, um, you know, it's, I don't want to say it's a mental illness, but there are definitely things that come into factor like obsessive compulsive disorder and other things that are hard to understand and manage. And, and I know it's as hard for her as it is for me.
So, um, that again, that's what keeps me going in my faith that, you know, God's going to show me and give me an answer to some of these things. Do you, um, if you could say, now there are a lot of people listening to this show all over the country. If you could say one thing or maybe a couple of things to first off pastors, what would that be? Um, make a, get to know us, get to know us for who we really are. And I know, I know their lives are busy just like everybody else. And, and, um, but there's, you hear it all time. There's so much more that we have in common than we don't. And it takes a while to get to know us.
And, um, you know, a lot of times individuals with autism can be a little standoffish and hard to get to know, but it's worth it. And I also wanted to know that everybody in the disability community has something to offer. It's not just about what they can give us. It's what we can give back. Um, you know, cause I have learned so much.
God has taught me countless gifts through her. And, and I think the world is missing out on a lot of that when they don't include our kids. You know, I think that there's, um, I'd like to mind that a little bit more because I think that there's this presupposition that you're going to go to church to be ministered to and alone. And yet we are going to church and we're ministering to it. That's the scripture for today. Bear one another's burns. We're going to church to minister to each other and everybody has something to offer.
I've, I've watched, um, Gracie struggle to get upstairs to sing in front of churches when they have all these stairs going up and here she is on two prosthetic legs and, and you know, and, um, I've watched her struggle to get up these stairs. And I think it never occurred to the designer of these facilities that, you know, people with disabilities would also have, uh, something to offer from that platform. And, uh, yeah, of course they, they never probably think that their pastor may get a broken leg or something, but it's a, well, what would you say to other church members as a parent of a child with autism? Um, for me, I just want an open book. If they have a question, I want them to ask me, I don't want them to shy away. I don't want to, you know, treat us like the leper, so to speak. You know, that, um, I know it might be awkward or unusual, but just, you know, just say hello and, and just welcome.
And I'll, you know, I'll answer anything that I can that'll help us get to know each other. I just, because, you know, some churches are more conservative than others. We've, we've had a very supportive church and we're just extremely thankful, but, um, you will have people who do shy away and just, you know, don't, they want to keep that distance. And, and I just want them to be more comfortable, more open, you know, because none of us are perfect.
None of us are without disabilities, if you will. And so just, we all got something funky, don't we? Well, you know, I go back to this, I go back to this isolation topic that we just addressed in the first segment. The caregivers can feel isolated in a crowded room. We can feel isolated on a crowded pew and you have just reinforced that, that concept that you can be sitting there in church and everybody else is singing victory in Jesus and you can feel so excluded and so alone.
Is that a fair assessment? It is a fair assessment and it's, and it's not that, it's not that it's a fault of anything, you know, just what we've, we're isolated by nature of what we're dealing with too. And so we even get awkward because we're having to set apart so much that we don't even know how to join in anymore. I always tell everybody I've got momtism because I'm trying to learn how to socialize myself. So, you know, I just appreciate that person that reaches out. I love that, momtism.
Oh, I do. It was inherited from my child, but it's just, yeah, it's just, it gets awkward for me. So if I don't, if I don't feel that somebody's comfortable with me, you know, it makes me kind of close off even more. Whereas if they'll reach out when I'm not always able to, if they'll just take that risk and do it first, then I will reach back. And I just have to know that, you know, they're comfortable enough for me to do that. And, and because I'm trying to open a window that goes both ways for my child to understand the world and be able to maneuver in a little better, but the world has to be able to, you know, to reach back and, and when she does reach out for that support. So I, you know, that's it. If we can just understand each other a little better, laugh at ourselves a little better in each other and not, you know, we just gotta be able to do that to get more comfortable. And I think, I think that's just, that is incredibly insightful and gracious.
I love to hear from folks who've been doing this for a while. You know, I mean, you, you've got some, you've got some real longevity in this 20, your daughter's 25 years old. Um, all right. Last question before we go to bottom of the hour here, break. Okay. To this new family that is stepping into the world of autism for the first time. I mean, are they, they've gotten the diagnosis there. Oh, it's okay. Their whole world now is, is dealing with this reality.
To this new family, what would you say in just about a minute or two? Don't try to do it by yourself. Reach out there, get support. There are autism chapters all over the place.
You can Google. There's for here in Tennessee, autism, tennessee.org because they offer that call representative on the line with resources. I'd tell them to contact you because obviously of all the resources you offer. Um, just, just don't do it alone. Um, you, you've got to get support whether it's other parents, um, just someone to chat with, someone to talk to. If you can't get to a support meeting, there's so much online, uh, Facebook groups and things, you know, be careful what you dig into, but, and absolutely your past, your faith, you know, if you can get there, if the church hasn't shut you out, you know, which has happened to a lot of in the past, at least parents with a child with autism because it is hard to understand, but churches are getting better. They're getting more open.
They're, they're creating more understanding. And by the way, I have a standing invitation and I want to remind folks of this. I have a standing invitation on this show. If you're engaged in a really good church that is disability friendly, particularly in this case, autism, let us know. So I want you, Tammy, tell us what church you go to. And I want to share that church out here.
So the people in the listening area will be able to know. Thank you so much. You have first Baptist church, Hendersonville or Hendersonville, Tennessee. And they are wonderful.
They've even not just got a child's ministry, but also for young adults, for adults, older adults, which a lot of times gets dropped off the map. You're adults with autism. That's yeah, that's it. Well, Tammy, listen, thank you very much for that call. I really do appreciate it. And thank you for your insight. And thank you for just your heart. Hey, this is hope for the caregiver. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. We're so glad that you're with us. And this is what it's all about here.
We bear one another's burdens. 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840. This is Peter Rosenberger. We'll be right back. Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver. I am Peter Rosenberger. This is hope for the caregiver that the conviction that we as caregivers can live a calmer, healthier, and dare I say it, more joyful life that we can walk through these very difficult circumstances.
Sometimes through the Valley of the shadow of death, which can be a very long Valley. And we can do this with a little bit more calmness, a little bit more joy. We really can, but we cannot do it alone. If you want to be a part of this show, this is your time. 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840.
I love that last call from Tammy. And we're going to put that up on the podcast. The podcast, by the way, if you go to hopeforthecaregiver.com, you can sign up for the podcast.
It's free and I'll put calls from the show, the whole show, special clips. Sometimes I put special music there from Gracie and just different things that we have out there. And it's at hopeforthecaregiver.com. My book is there. Seven Caregiver Landmines is my new book. Hope for the caregiver is the book before that. I've got a CD out there called Songs for the Caregiver, which is interspersed with some hymns and then Gracie's singing, an original tune or two.
I put all kinds of resources out there. By the way, if you haven't heard Gracie sing, the girl can really do it and you ought to go check it out. She could really sing.
And I love that voice. So we're putting so many things out there for you as a caregiver. Would you take advantage of it? Don't try to do this in the isolation of your own journey and all these things.
Really take advantage of it. And if you want to be a part of this show, 888, here's the number, 888-589-8840. I'll say it slower for those of you in MacDunkin, 888-589-8840.
And if you don't know where MacDunkin is, well, that's just between me and MacDunkin. All right, listen, let's go back to what we were discussing a little bit, because I'm going over these three core issues that affect every caregiver at some point. And if they're left unaddressed, it'll lead to even greater heartbreak. And we touched on that a little bit with the call from the last segment with Tammy, isolation. And I'm going to say this again, caregivers can feel isolated in a crowded room. They can feel isolated on a crowded pew. And if we don't speak into that isolation, then we are not helping them.
We're not, as Paul says in Galatians, we're not bearing one another's burdens. We can't fix their problems, but we can grab them by the hand and let them know that they are welcome in our church. They're welcome in our lives. Ask them, how are they doing? All it takes is a couple of steps down a very dark staircase before caregivers will descend into some really horrific choices. And all it takes from us, it's just a little bit of a flashlight to say, here's the steps back up. Come on, let's come on back up here and just reach out to them.
Ask with specificity. Don't just say, yeah, how are you doing? Wait for the answer, bore in on the answer. No, no, I really want to know how are you feeling? I see the magnitude of what you're carrying. I see the heartbreak of what you're doing.
I hurt with you. I don't know that I can help you with it, but I want to be here with you in it. This is what our savior did for us in our own dysfunction, in our own disability, in our own disease of sin.
And he reached into our isolation with his nail scarred hands and pulled us to safety, pulled us to salvation. How can we be stingy with that? I'm not asking you to die for someone. I'm just asking you to say hi to someone. And as Tammy said, get to know them.
Get to know them. They're going to feel awkward. And she said it, her daughter has autism, but she has mom-ism.
She's so locked in on dealing with this that sometimes she feels awkward. Let's take away that stigma. Let's reach into it. As believers, let's show the model for what this is, of how to speak into people's pain and their suffering and their heartache. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840.
So isolation is the first one. Hang on just a second. What is it? I heard this Rick.
Rick is subbing in for Jim today. I heard somebody posted something that said, Claritin 3.16, no pollen formed against me shall prosper. So it's that wonderful time of the year. Despair is the second one. Isolation is the first one. Despair is the second one. Caregivers torture themselves with things that haven't even happened. And we live out in the wreckage of our future.
Now we'll stare down a highway and we'll see what's coming, or at least we think we do. And it's just too much for an already crushed heart. It's just too much. And sometimes a crushed body.
I mean, we're just worn slam out. And when you have despair, resentment, rage, and fear are constantly lurking around that. And caregivers simply can not fight those things alone. They just can't. And yet they are condemned to that so many times, often by the church, who's not reaching into that. They don't recognize it. They don't speak into it.
They don't, for whatever reason, not comfortable. I don't know, but they don't see it. So I'm giving them the vocabulary. I'm giving caregivers the vocabulary of what help looks like to them so that they will raise their hand and ask for that help and receive it. And I'm giving non-caregivers the vocabulary of what help looks like to a caregiver and hopefully inspire them to offer it. When you're faced with what you think is the inevitable, darkness can just engulf you as a caregiver.
And look, by the way, it respects no age. Just last week, just a couple of days ago, I talked to you about this 77-year-old caregiver and his wife. She had dementia. She was in very declining health. It was a really tragic situation.
They're incredibly wealthy people. He was a part owner of the Minnesota Vikings and he shot and killed her and then killed himself. But then last year, just last August, a 28-year-old mother shot and killed her severely disabled 7-year-old before unsuccessfully trying to take her own life.
And in Tennessee, a father beat his nonverbal son with autism to death while the mother watched. Despair, it will absolutely consume people. Isolation, despair. And then there's a third one and we're going to get to that in just a minute, but I want to jump just real quick and take a call here from Mary in Kentucky. Mary, good morning, Mary. How are you feeling?
Good morning. How are you? I'm doing great. I'm just precious. Well, I'm glad to hear that, Mary.
Tell me what's going on with you. Well, I don't have autism and I don't have a child with autism, but I have done volunteer work in schools here in Paducah and I have worked with children who had problems with learning, speech, walking, setting, the whole nine yards. And I asked the teacher before I started if I could work with single once at a time, and she allowed me. And through the big year, there was one child in particular. Every time she walked into the schoolroom, she buried her face in the skirt of the teacher because of her shyness. Well, one morning when I was there, the teacher told me where to sit and I did. As the child come in, as usual, she buried her face in the skirt of the teacher and the teacher called her by name and she looked up to her. She said, we have a new student in here today that would like to know you and work with you. The child looked up to her. She said, me? The teacher said, yes.
Who? Well, the teacher pointed to me and told the child to come over to me. When the child started walking to me, she walked extremely slow.
Well, I think we lost Mary. Her phone cut out, but I appreciate that. I wanted to ask her why she volunteered.
What was the driving, what was the inspiration for her volunteering? And I think that is just such a amazing thing when people volunteer to do this. And I love that.
We have a new student here. Who? Me?
Yeah. And I love that. So Mary, I'm sorry that something out of the call got disconnected.
I'm sorry for that. But let me go to Mark in Texas. Mark, good morning. How are you feeling? I'm feeling pretty good today. How are you feeling, Peter? Well, I'm doing all right. Are you sure you're all right? Yeah.
Yeah. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm doing good. Uh, and, and your, your program has helped out a lot. Well, what's going on with you? Well, I wanted to address a number of things that you've been talking about last week. You started talking about a proper, a safe way of handling firearms and, and keep them in a house. And, uh, I want to, you know, I would just want to, uh, make sure that, uh, people understand that, uh, with firearms is a freedom that we have.
And, uh, with freedom comes responsibility and, uh, to the degree that, uh, the responsibility isn't met to that degree, the freedom is lost. And, uh, I've been an avid shooter for many years. Well, I was more a shooter years ago.
I don't shoot much now, but, uh, uh, actually shot competition, uh, actually shot combat competition. And uh, nobody knows more about the, uh, responsibility of carrying a firearm and the person who is shooting a lot. And anyone will tell you that, that it is important to take on that responsibility. Well, it is. Mark, let me ask you a quick question. We got to go to a break. If somebody, if your pastor came to you and said, Hey, I've got a family member in the congregation, they've got a Alzheimer's support, but she doesn't know how to secure the weapon.
He doesn't know how to secure the weapon. Would you jump at that chance to help them do it? Absolutely. Absolutely.
That's what I'm talking about. That is a valuable thing to do. That's how we can bear one another's burdens. Let's safety and secure these weapons.
Mark, I got to go to a break, but thank you for reminding us again, the importance of, of securing these. We do have a responsibility to do it. And if we're going to carry them, we got to secure them and we got to save them and help one another do it.
Otherwise somebody will take it away. Have you ever helped somebody walk for the first time? I've had that privilege many times through our organization, standing with hope when my wife, Gracie gave up both of her legs following this horrible wreck that she had as a teenager. And she tried to save them for years.
And if it just wouldn't work out and finally she relinquished them and thought, wow, this is it. I mean, I don't have any legs anymore. What can God do with that? And then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees. And that's what we've been doing now since 2005 with standing with hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana, and you can be a part of that through supplies, through supporting team members, through supporting the work that we're doing over there.
You could designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you could be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking at standing with hope.com. Would you take a moment to go out to standing with hope.com and see how you can give.
They go walking and leaping and praising God. You can be a part of that at standing with hope.com. Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver.
I am Peter Rosenberg. I'm bringing you three decades of experience to help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. Mark in Texas, I appreciate so much you bringing that reminder. Sorry, we had to go to a quick break there.
But that is one more way that we can help one another bear these things out and we can help protect each other, just safety the weapons. By the way, if you want to be on the show, 888-589-8840. You heard me talking about standing with hope.
I was so excited. We had a big shipment picked up yesterday. We're heading over to Africa with it. My wife, when she gave up both of her legs, wanted to use that tragic event to do something extraordinary. And so we started working with the government of Ghana to teach and equip their folks there on how to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. And part of that is, is we have a prosthetic limb recycling ministry where we collect used limbs that come from all over the country and go to a local prison in Tennessee and inmates volunteer to disassemble them for us so we can all the way down to the screw level at times and we can recycle.
I call it Operation Footloose, like Turn That Footloose so we can recycle it. And then we purchase other materials. We send all of this over there and we send teams over there.
We train and there's all kinds of things been going on for 15 years or close to it. And go out and take a look, standingwithhope.com. And you can be a part of that. We'd love for you to be a part of that.
And if you want to help sponsor a leg, if you want to help sponsor equipment or supplies, resin, all kinds of things that we have to purchase and do over there. But it gives a gift that keeps on walking. They go walking and leaping and praising God. And y'all don't tell anybody this, but this was a really funny story. One time I was talking to Franklin Graham about it and I said, we got so many people standing over there. It looks like a Benny Hinn crusade being played backwards. And he kind of looked at me, is this okay to laugh at?
Y'all don't tell anybody about that, but I thought it was funny. Standingwithhope.com. And I want to get to this last, before I take any more calls, I want to get to this last thing here because we talked about isolation.
We talked about despair. And then the third one is lack of eye contact. Now those of you who are dealing with autism in your family know that that's a hard thing is eye contact, but caregivers also have a hard time with eye contact. And if you visit a caregiver, ask them how they were doing and watch and see if they look you in the eye when they respond. A lot of times they'll just look at their shoes or cast their gaze in another direction. And I'm asking you to just be patient with them and engage them, help them see you, make sure that they know you're seeing them. Every caregiver deals with identity loss on some level, and they have a hard time speaking using the word eye. They'll say, we, how are you doing?
Well, she just got home from the hospital or he had a bad night or, you know, that kind of thing. I want caregivers to learn to speak in their own voice. Use the I word and they may stammered, stammered out, or they may cry when they do it. Please be gentle with them. Please be kind with them.
Don't, don't be in a rush. Let them get it out however they need to get it out. If you'll notice one of the first things and American Family Association did an interview with me in the journal that came out last month, they said, what can callers expect when they, when you call here? I'm going to ask you, how are you feeling? And, and I, I've, I've, I've been amazed at some people when I, when I'll ask that question and they'll start off with the God talk, you know, and they'll say, oh, I'm just blessed, but I really hate my mother.
You know, well, they don't start off with, I'm just blessed, but, but I really hate, let's talk about how you really feel about it. There's no wrong answer. This is how you feel.
Let's, let's be frank about how we feel. And, and then ask that caregiver. They, they, it may have been weeks, months, maybe 50 years before somebody even asked about the caregiver. When you ask about them, you're giving them a fighting chance to get back up that dark stairway, back up to a place of safety. Okay. Would you just, would you do that for me and or not for me, would you do that as Paul said, bear one another's burdens so that we will fulfill the law of Christ. This is our mandate.
This is our mandate from our savior who has done that for us. Don't be stingy with it. What do you have that you haven't received?
So just ask about them. All right, let's go to Steven in Tennessee. Steven, good morning. How are you feeling? I'm doing good.
All right. Well, what's, what's going on with you? Well, I was listening to the two people that you had on there talking about autism and, and it kind of caught my attention, the first lady, because she said she was in the state of Tennessee and that's where I'm at. And, and my son is 17 right now and he has Asperger's autism. And the thing is that, you know, we don't, I don't, I'm not finding a lot of places that can deal with people at his age.
I'm dealing with, um, you know, they want to, uh, we kind of, you know, started late with him and things that he was, you know, before preteen, before we figured, you know, out that it wasn't going to go away. Let me ask you a quick question. Did you hear what she said? And you go to autism Tennessee. So that's one resource. Have you contacted them? Uh, no, I haven't.
And, uh, I've heard a saying, but I try to keep up with everything, you know, when you're driving and things. All right. Well, and I'm gonna put this out. How about this? I'll put this out on the, on the website, uh, on the podcast.
Just you go to the podcast there on the website, subscribe to it. It's free and it'll be in that link as well. Autism Tennessee.
It'll be there. Okay. But that's pretty easy.
You're in Tennessee. Your son has autism, autism Tennessee. Okay. The second thing is other people though, that's just saying my problem. I didn't want to encourage other people to know that, you know, my son may be 17 and he has autism and, and a lot of times people give up on, on kids like that. And, uh, but my son, he gets straight A's and um, and there's nothing to do with intelligence or anything like that, you know, and that, you know, that he also has a job. So don't give up on your kids and things and don't give up on yourself. And, and what you do does matter.
It does. Let me ask you another couple of questions here. What part of Tennessee are you in? East, west or middle? West Tennessee. West Tennessee. Are you in a good church situation?
No, we've been moving a lot of things and I'm trying to find one. Uh, but yeah, it's a good question. I knew he was gonna ask that.
I thought he was gonna ask that question. Well, that's going to be a big part of your life is finding a church home where you guys can be a part of that community and that caring community and gives your church a chance to grow as well, to be able to learn to, to interact with you guys. Um, I tell you what, I'll bet you, uh, that if you reach out to first Baptist church of Hendersonville, Tennessee, where Tammy goes, that's a pretty big, big church up there. I'll bet you they'll know a sister church in your area that they can help connect you with. That's what I was thinking.
And I was, yes, sir. And you just call them up and tell them you heard, uh, Tammy talking about them and her daughter and on my radio show and just say, look, I need a church home in my area. Who do you recommend? And I'm, I'm going to go out on a limb and I'll tell you that first Baptist church of Hendersonville will probably be happy to help you find that church. And, uh, and for those of you all listening out there, if, if you have a church home that you're engaged with, that you feel like has a strong disability ministry, that is a caring church for people with special needs and all those kinds of things, this is the place to talk about that. Call up and let us know so we can tell people about it. We want people to be involved in church. If they're not, we're, we're really falling down on our job here. And if your church is not doing this, it's time for that church to have that conversation. Number one. And if they're not willing to do it, it's time for you to find a different church.
Um, it's just that simple. Um, Steven, I appreciate you calling about this and, uh, and, uh, uh, I hear your heart in it that, that this has been a, quite a challenge, uh, yet you're, you're pushing on. What is, um, to those caregiving dads out there, Steven, there we've had a care, uh, a mom with the child with autism.
Now we have a dad. What would you say specifically to men? Is there something you would want or that you would want to hear as a man?
What would you, what would you want that to be? Well, uh, first of all, that they're involved in their children's lives and things, and that, you know, uh, sometimes when we have children with a disability, I've learned this the hard way, you know, that, that we tend to give them devices and give them things and, you know, to, to occupy their attention when they really want your attention. How has that been a struggle for you? Is that, has that been something you've had to learn to grow into or is that something that, yeah, you know, when you're younger, when I was younger, I used to do that.
But as you grow older, you get wiser, you know, with your years and things and, uh, with experiences and you know, you know, that's why we do need people that like the lady that says she has a 25 year old and things to help people that are in, uh, uh, early stages or, you know, maybe in my, I'm in the middle stage, I guess you would say. And you know, we're really with people like that. You never, your job as a parent, you know, really never ends, you know, you know, you're always, I mean, it, it, I'm tracking with that one, but you know, that's, yeah, that, that's a good, that's a good word. And it's spending time with it. Don't just give them a video game just because it keeps them quiet.
Spend time with them. It takes a lot of work to do it, but that's, that's, that's where the real growth happens is what I hear you saying. Is that a pretty accurate assessment?
Yes. Well, listen, Steven, I appreciate you very much. And I can't just take all the credit either. I want to at least say, you know, and it also does take, uh, not the same thing for those who are single parents or whatnot. I'm not a single parent anymore. I was, but, you know, but my wife had been married to for 11 years has been a huge impact due to her, uh, her abilities and things she gained from working with, uh, with, I don't know if I could say the name of the company or whatever, but it's a care, a paid caregiver for adult. I appreciate you recognizing her and, uh, we're up against the end of the hour. We got to go, Steven, and I appreciate you very much taking the time to call. And, um, uh, this is hope for the caregiver.
Steven. I do appreciate that very much. I'll put all this out at our podcast hope for the caregiver.com.
We'll see you next week. The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American family association or American family radio.
Whisper: medium.en / 2024-01-22 03:55:27 / 2024-01-22 04:14:12 / 19