Hope for the Caregiver

Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver on American Family Radio.

This is Peter Rosenberger. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. There are 168 hours in the week all over radio, but this show is your one hour, one hour for you, those of you who are pushing a wheelchair, those standing with someone who has some type of impairment, maybe it's Alzheimer's, maybe it's autism, maybe it's addiction, some type of chronic impairment and you're the one that is standing in the gap. Maybe somebody you know has a mental illness or a traumatic injury, cancer, chronic pain.

Go down the list. There's so many different types of scenarios where people are dealing with difficult, difficult afflictions, chronic afflictions that just don't go away. And everywhere you find one of those individuals, you're going to find a caregiver.

You're going to find somebody who is volunteering to put themselves between that person with that impairment and even worse, disaster. That's what caregivers do. Nobody pays us to do it. Nobody makes us do it. We do it out of love. Sometimes we do it while gritting our teeth with hot tears filling our eyes, but we keep doing it. And this show is for you.

I'm Peter Rosenberger. I've been a caregiver for 33 years now. For my wife through a traumatic injury that she had way back in 1983. 80 plus surgeries, both legs amputated.

At least, I don't know, 80, 90, 100 doctors have treated her in 12 different hospitals, seven different insurance companies, well over $10 million. And it just keeps going. It doesn't stop.

This has been going on since Reagan was president. I've learned a few things along the way. Most of them the hard way. That's why I'm the crash test dummy of caregivers.

If you could fail at it, I failed at it, but you don't have to. You can live a calmer, healthier, and even more joyful life, but you can't do this alone. You just can't. You're going to need some help and you're going to need folks to come alongside you and point you to safety. I need that. And together, that's how we do it. 888-589-8840.

888-589-8840 if you want to be a part of the show and we'd love to have you. American Family Radio is committed to this topic that we are addressing. And why shouldn't we be?

Why shouldn't believers be the one out in front of this? I mean, think about it. What does the world offer? What does the world offer to families with special needs? We've got all kinds of program things, but I'm not talking about assistance as far as those things.

I'm talking about to the heart needs of a caregiver. What does the world offer? How does the world offer hope?

And that's why we are so committed to this because as believers, we know the hope of the gospel that transcends these things. I'll never forget when my wife gave up her legs. She gave up her right leg in 91 after years of trying to save it following this wreck. And then she gave up her left leg in 95. And I was standing there as they brought her out of recovery and they were taking her to the special care ward that they were going to monitor with because post-op with her is very difficult. And now she has a double amputee. She was in her 20s. And her right leg, of course, she'd been wearing a prosthesis for some time and it had healed up and she had been doing that for about three or four years at that point. But her left leg now was freshly amputated.

Bloody bandage, drain tubes, all that kind of stuff. She's laying on the gurney half sedated and her hands were lifted to heaven and she was singing the doxology, praise God from whom all blessings flow. You see, that's what the church offers and people looked at her and were marveling.

That's what the church offers. That's what we as believers can offer to our fellow caregivers and to those who are suffering to let them know that, wait a minute, there's more going on here. How are you feeling today?

How are you doing? That's what this show is all about is helping you sort through what can often be a train wreck in your own heart and helping you get to safety. Helping you get to the point where you can also raise your hands and say, praise God from whom all blessings flow. Even in the midst of horrific loss, pain, sorrow and despair and things that are going on that the world would just collapse under. But as believers we can anchor ourselves in Christ in ways that just astound others. But we're not going to get there by ourselves. We reinforce these things and that's why we do this show.

Yeah, I want to start off with a scripture here. There's a lot of things going on out. Oh, by the way, if you want to follow along on Facebook Live, you certainly can. Hope for the caregiver on Facebook Live and as well as our page Standing with Hope as the ministry that Gracie and I started years ago. After she gave up her legs, she wanted to reach out to her fellow amputees. And so we've been providing prosthetic limbs to her fellow amputees over in the West African country of Ghana and the city of Accra. And they come from as far away as Nigeria.

And we work with their Ghana Health Service to help train and equip local workers to take care of their own people. They go walking and leaping and praising God. See, that's what happens when you trust God with your sorrow and your heartache. Unbelievable things could happen.

It's not how able Gracie is. She's still missing both legs. She still lives with a lot of pain and all the kind of stuff. But there's a vision that is beyond that. And that's why we do this show as well because I saw that, okay, God reached into my situation as a caregiver and to reach into my life, to my heartache and has helped me navigate to safety with this. And I want to be able to extend the same grace that I received. Paul says that in Corinthians, we comfort one another with the same comfort that we ourselves have received from the God of all comfort. And that's why we do the show. And it's part of our own journey of healing.

And so we're grateful that you're with us. Again, 888-589-8888. Let me read scripture.

There's a lot of stuff going out there where people are taking advantage of folks who are aging, who are dealing with some type of impairment and they'll call up and swindle you. And I want to read this from Psalm 10. In his pride, the wicked man does not seek him. In all his thoughts, there's no room for God. His ways are always prosperous.

Your laws are rejected by the wicked man who sneers at all his enemies. He says to himself, nothing will ever shake me. He swears no one will ever do me harm. His mouth is full of lies and threats, trouble and evil are under his tongue. He lies in wait near the villages from ambush. He murders the innocent. His eyes watch in secret for his victims. Like a line in cover, he lies in wait. He lies in wait to catch the helpless. He catches the helpless and drags them off in his net. His victims are crushed. They collapse. They fall under his strength. He says to himself, God will never notice.

He covers his face and never sees. And I wanted just to give a caution to those of you who are caring for folks who are aging, particularly there are a lot of different frauds that are going on out there. People that are calling and wanting to sell you, all kinds of stuff.

Find out about your car warranty. They want to tell you that the IRS is coming for you and issuing a warrant for you. One of the frauds out there is they'll call up and they'll say grandpa or whatever. And if you respond with the name of your grandchildren, they'll play along like that's who they are. And a guy called me on that one. I like to, I like to spar with these people.

I don't recommend that you all do that, but I like to just because I'm that kind of guy. And this guy called me up and he, uh, he said, grandpa. And I said, is that you, David? Well, my grandson is three years old. I have two grandchildren. One's three years old.

One is seven months old and neither one of them are named David. And he said, yeah. And he just gave this whole song and dance how he's in prison and this and this. He needs money. And I just kept him on the phone.

Just Joshua, just let him keep going. He just kept going. And I just stayed with him. And then finally I said, he said, can you send me the money grandpa? I said, why am I going to send you money?

I don't care about you. But I made him stay on the phone for a long time. What be watchful about this it's going on. Hey, this is hope for the caregiver. This is Peter Rosemary. This is the nation's number one show for caregivers 888-589-8840.

We'll be right back. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. If you want to be a part of the show and, uh, this is the show for you. There are a lot of shows out there from everything from finances to who knows politics. It's all out there, except this is the show for family caregivers.

This is a show for people who voluntarily themselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse disaster. And we're here to help strengthen you. And we strengthen you, by the way, it's, it's mutual when it happens, you're helping me, I'm helping you. We're both doing this together because that's how it's done. There's no way we can do this alone.

We can't, you will fail miserably if you try. Now you don't have to take my word for it. I've just been doing it for 33 years through a medical nightmare, but you don't have to take my word for it. You can try it on your own.

I don't recommend it. I recommend leaning on each other and we work together and let's get to safety and let's start making healthier choices that, you know, healthy caregivers make better caregivers. We don't have to be miserable in this. Now we're going to deal with heartache, but we don't have to be miserable. All right, let's go to Paul in Pennsylvania. Paul, good morning. How are you feeling? Good morning.

I'm feeling at peace. How are you, sir? Well, you know, for a man of my age and limited abilities, I think I'm doing all right. Peter, I don't want to take time away from the caregivers. I'm not a caregiver. I'm dying of liver cancer. And sometime between the next two months and probably six, my wife is going to be saddled with caregiving for me.

And I have a question that I think you can probably help with. How can I make it easier for her? How can I be the best care receiver other than just be grateful and thankful every day? I think being grateful and thankful is a great place to start, Paul.

You're already there. And the fact that you're even seeing her and recognizing her and what she's about to go through is a huge step. You know, we can't avoid some of the painful things that this life brings us. But we can avoid being miserable. We can avoid being bitter. And we can avoid being selfish and demanding.

And it sounds like that's where you are in your heart right now, that you want to care for this woman, even in your own affliction. But you know, that's what our Savior did. And that's what you're modeling, is that He is seeing those around Him as He's dying on the cross and caring for them. And that's our model. He can do it for her.

He can do it through you. And it sounds like that's where your heart is right now. That's where my heart is. I would write things down right now while you can, while you have the strength to do it. Record things. She's going to need care after you're gone too, Paul.

Right. And so leave her things that maybe she doesn't know about until afterwards to remind her of just how precious she is and how precious your love is. Do things like that that will surprise her afterwards and be a source of comfort to her. Yes, she's going to cry.

And both of you are. And it's cry worthy. But we don't have to cry and grieve and rage and despair. And when she cries healthy tears, that's when the joy can follow right behind it. And so during these times right now, you know, the best thing you do is just what you just said, Paul. It's beautiful what you said. You're trying to think of her knowing that this thing has got you in a cross hairs.

And yet you're thinking of her and you're wanting to care for her in this way. Do you guys have a good church situation? We do. Have you engaged them in this process? Yes, sir.

Good. Is she getting any type of counseling through this? No, other than from the Holy Spirit and from Bible study.

Well, there's grief counseling available out there. I would highly recommend that afterwards. And you're, by the way, you know you're dying, correct? Yes, sir. Have you made peace with Christ in this?

Yes, sir. We're walking in peace that passes understanding. It just doesn't make a lick of sense. Arguably, it's rational for a believer to look forward to being with Jesus. But my wife is walking in the same kind of peace and she's looking forward to being a widow.

Well, I don't know that I would put it quite that way, Paul. I think that she's, I don't know that she's looking forward to being a widow, I think. And be aware that maybe she's still gonna process this thing a little bit differently than you are. I think that just be aware and also be willing to explore and mine difficult subjects without having to get real hyper spiritual about it.

But be willing to have just earthy conversations about the reality of this. Make sure that she has, she knows where all the documents are. She knows where all the power of attorney stuff is, the funeral plans, all that stuff. Plan the funeral out. You don't have to necessarily sit down with her and do all that, but go through it. Sit down with your pastor and music minister and plan out the music that you want at the funeral.

Okay, good. Have everything done so that the less work she has to do, the better. Do everything that you possibly can as her husband and just do all the things that you can to ease that burden for her. Write her notes that she'll find later. Tell her things, tell her everything that you would want her to know about the value you place on her and your relationship.

All of those things so that she, when she does stand at that grave, that she's able to stand there without Clint's fist. That you at God, at cancer, at other people, at anything, at herself, anything that she can release this and recognize that she has done all that she can do and that she can trust God in this. Your job as her husband is to equip her for this that's coming.

Don't pie in the sky it and make it look like it's going to be. Allow yourself both to grieve over it in a healthy manner as well. I would recommend that she would have grief counseling.

Afterwards, I'd recommend that you also have some opportunity to process some of these things. Well we've cried but we haven't been angry and we haven't been afraid. Well and if you are angry and afraid, it's okay.

It's alright. If you look through scripture, everywhere in scripture Paul, I mean I can find just scripture after scripture where God says don't be afraid, don't be afraid. You know why he put that in scripture? Because he knows that we're afraid. You know he knows that we are scared spitless. He knows it and so he keeps telling us don't be afraid, don't be afraid.

And he has to remind us of this. And he knows this and he knows that with your situation he is present with you in it. And I really, I think I could pretty much speak for the entire audience listening right now that we are quite astonished on how thoughtful you are of her in this process. That you're not making this all about you but you're trying to incorporate her own grief into this.

But her grief is going to be different than yours and your children's grief will be different than yours. But you know one of the things that we can do as believers is not only live well but die well. We can suffer well. We can do all these things through Christ who strengthen us. Let's pray with you alright. Father God, Paul is close to stepping into your kingdom and his family is recognizing this.

They're having these conversations and they're doing this right now. And his heart is tender towards his wife. You know Lord Jesus as you hung on the cross your heart was tender towards your bride which is us. And I ask that in this moment that Paul be strengthened and comforted that his family recognize your presence in this and that he feel the hand on his shoulder as you guide him through this that you're not leaving him.

Your rod and your staff they comfort him. And as they walk through this valley of the shadow of death Father that they not be afraid they know that you're with them. And in those moments when it tries to sneak up on him Father may they be reminded clearly of your presence.

Thank you for him. And Father we look for the day when we all rejoice when we stand in your presence. Comfort Paul's wife and his children Father in this time. And weeping endureth for a night Father but let them know that joy does come in the morning. And we ask all this in Jesus name. Amen.

Paul. Thank you very much for the call. Okay.

And you feel free to call in and you tell her to call in any time she wants to as well. Okay. Thank you.

God bless you. You know there are things that we do as believers that are going to confound the world. We don't have to be miserable and we can think of others even in our sorrow and our distress. And our Savior modeled that for us.

Paul just modeled that. And for those of you going through these things and you have a loved one who's dying you know you may not have that connection with them. They may not be thinking of you. And I know that's difficult and it's difficult to hear sometimes for some of you to hear Paul saying this because you would desperately want your loved one to see you and to care for you and to look to your needs. It's not always going to happen.

They can't always do it. But you have a Savior that can and does. And he is acquainted with grief himself. Man of sorrows is what they call him. That's how scripture refers to him. Man of sorrows.

And he understands yours. 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840 if that's where your heart is today. There's more to come on Hope for the Caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. We're glad you're with us. We'll be right back. Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger. I'm so glad that you're with us.

888-589-8840. That was Russ Taft and the Imperials. I love that song. And my wife Gracie and Russ Taft just finished a duet. We've been mixing in the studio and it's just marvelous.

And we're going to be releasing that here soon, probably in the next month. And it is, wait till you hear it. My wife Gracie can really sing. I mean, she's a no kidding singer. And I was privileged to produce this track that they did. And it is just, I mean, it was just to watch she and Russ together singing it.

It was really wonderful. And you're going to love this. And if you want to get out in front of this so that you can get it first, go out to our website, hopeforthecaregiver.com. Hopeforthecaregiver.com.

You sign up for our e-letter. We'll be putting it out and telling people when it's available and you can download it. It is just, it's a great, it's a great track. And she's got other duets.

She's done a couple with Johnny Erickson Tada and other things that she's done and you can hear it. And I've got a CD that I did called Songs for the Caregiver. I've been playing the piano for a while and it's good music. It's good music for people who are suffering. I did it specifically for those who are in these situations where they just wanted to have something that calms their nerves. And I've had a lot of people who have purchased this over the years and download it and just played it in hospice with the loved ones or in the hospital where it just needs just to calm things down.

I took a lot of hymns and just arranged them, just kind of played them in a calm way. Then Gracie sings about every other song. But it doesn't have that jarring part of it. Sometimes records will have you be kind of lulled into a nice rest and all of a sudden, boom, something will hit you and it's just kind of whatever.

And this one is not. This is very soothing. I played for people who are hurting. Gracie is singing for people who are hurting. It's called Songs for the Caregiver. You can download it wherever CDs are downloaded and music is downloaded. And you can go to our website and see more about that at hopeforthecaregiver.com.

I put out a lot of resources for you so that you can take advantage of these things. I didn't have this. I didn't have music for caregivers. I didn't have a book for caregivers.

There was no manual for me. There was nothing. Nobody was speaking these things when I was doing all this, just kind of slogging through the trenches there. And when I started writing books and speaking and doing the radio show and doing music and so forth, I was really thinking of my 22-year-old self that married a woman with a broken body and was clueless.

I mean, just dumber than a box of hammers on how to deal with this. And I kind of just floundered my way through things. And in the process I picked up some wisdom through it, but wisdom comes from bad judgment.

And I've got plenty of bad judgment in my past. But you don't have to. You don't have to just, you know, careen into these brick walls.

You can avoid some of these things. And that's why I put it out there. That's why we do this show, is to help us as caregivers back away from this cliff that we are standing over with one foot out. And we're in very great danger ourselves. And it will take you down. It will take you to some dark places. And I don't want you to do that.

And that's why I put it out there for you. Let me go back to the phones here real quick. Homer. Homer, good morning. Homer's over in Oklahoma. Homer, it's good to talk to you again.

My pleasure, Peter. Good morning. How are you feeling? I'm doing great. And I know to listeners out there, it seems like I'm more elated than should be, given the role that caregivers have.

But let me offer this. I'm on the back side. I've been a caregiver for many, many years. First with my wife, partnering for her mother. After my wife passed, entering into the fray, caregiving for my own mother. She now having passed, and my skill set is refined.

I am, well, a co-laborer, so to speak, or co-contender in this battle. But I have the perception, as you cited earlier in Second Corinthians one, three through five, of understanding the joy and the presence of the Lord through this journey. But I've come to appreciate Psalm 91 all the more, that God is a refuge and a fortress for me. And let me just summarize by saying, when I hear other callers into programs like C-SPAN, where the question today was, has your expenses exceeded your income?

I am seeing caregivers here in Broken Bow with hospice offering of themselves to bring encouragement and hope beyond their jobs to help seniors gain enjoyment in life. And that speaks volumes, just as you are this morning, being a Barnabas. So thank you.

Well, thank you, Homer. And I think that our expenses do exceed our income in the natural state. But I think when we understand that we can plug into the inexhaustible income of Christ, that we are able to then give in a way that is lavish. We can give love that we honestly didn't think that we were capable of doing, and we're really not. But He is, and through us. But it takes us changing the way we approach these things. We don't have to go out and act like we're martyrs or anything else like that, because we realize that we are tapped into God's joy, God's love, God's ministry, and then it flows freely. We do have to rest and be good stewards of ourselves and all that kind of stuff.

But that's the thing is that we're not so desperate to hang on to, joy is best when it's expressed, not when it's grasped. And so I think that that's a wise word. I always like it when you call in, Homer. I quote you a lot.

Did you know that? I steal and plagiarize from you, Homer. And you gave one of my favorite lines one time when you said, you know when not to use Romans 828. I thought that was just a great, great line.

Well, that's for the Holy Spirit. Well, thank you for that. And thank you for sharing it. And you're always welcome to call in. And I appreciate you being on this journey with us, man.

Well, I am a real contender. And at this point in my life, I believe there is compassion expressed. But in this debris field and battlefield, sometimes I just have to go tactical and it's like Psalm 91.

Go tactical. I love that. By the way, real quick, and I go to some other callers, but I guess I assume you did okay through all the tornadoes and everything out there. Through all the what?

I'm sorry, I misunderstood. All the tornadoes that you guys recently had out there. Oh, God has blessed me being relocated from California and hearing my first tornado siren here lately. We're okay. But there are others who are in distress and need help.

And I see that need and prayers lifted, brother. So what you're saying, by the way, is that it was a greater blessing to be in a tornado stricken state than it was to be in California. Is that what you're... No, I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. No, I hear it.

And reading between the lines, the quality of life is far better here, though the potential for distress is higher. Well, be safe and thank you for looking out for others on it. And thanks for calling in the show. I do appreciate it, okay? Thank you, brother. God bless you.

All right, we'll see you. Debbie in Tennessee. Debbie, good morning. How are you feeling? Good morning.

I'm feeling great. Well, tell me what's on your heart. As I heard the gentleman call this morning and who has the liver cancer, in December of this past year, I went up north to Ohio to take care, help take care of my brother who was dying with liver cancer. And the joy in the middle of the sorrow of the attitude that he had after living the last two or three years in the nursing home because of multiple strokes as a veteran. And yet he started ministering in his pain before he knew he had cancer. He started ministering to veterans in his nursing home and was able to get a program started to give out Bibles to veterans and was honored in the nursing home. And then two years before, two months before he passed away, he was diagnosed with liver cancer. And he planned, he and his wife together started thinking about some things. And they wrote a wonderful little thing that was read, a letter that was read at his funeral about no more walkers, no more wheelchairs, no more pain.

My healing has come. And that was right at the funeral. And we had a worship service at that funeral. Well, that's how we do it, Debbie. That's how we do it. And we are not unable to minister even from these dire circumstances. We're not unable to give joy to other people even from deathbeds. We've seen it over and over and over. And even at the end of his life, Paul was saying, you know, I'm poured out like water and yet he's still doing it. And Jesus from the cross leading that thief next to him into paradise.

I mean, it's just, this is how it's done, but it's not done on our own strength. And Debbie, I just appreciate you. I appreciate you calling in to share that. I really do. And thank you so much for listening. All right.

Also, one more quick thing. I'm also a caregiver as my job and especially with Alzheimer's and dementia. And one thing that music, like you said, can be such a healing as it just brings back a spark of what they once were part of. I would play the piano and this lady that's dementia and she's 90 some years old and she would sing right onto with those old hymns. Well, and that's what I put on my CD.

Well, thank you for that. That's what I put on the CD with these hymns that people are going to know and it will remind them of things and it'll anchor them. The first one is, there is a place of quiet rest near to the heart of God, a place where sin cannot molest. And I love that hymn. That was written by Robert Lowry and it's just a wonderful hymn. And these are things that kind of anchor us back into those places of joy and ministry and love and care. And I love those. I love those old hymns.

But Debbie, I got to run. Thank you so very much for the call and I appreciate you listening. And this is Peter Rosenberg and this is Hope for the Caregiver. This is the show that is committed to you as a caregiver to help strengthen you for the journey.

Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. How are you feeling? 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. We'll be right back.

Hey, this is Peter Rosenberg. Have you ever helped somebody walk for the first time? I've had that privilege many times through our organization, Standing with Hope, when my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs following this horrible wreck that she had as a teenager and she tried to save them for years and it just wouldn't work out. And finally she relinquished them and thought, wow, this is it. I mean, I don't have any legs anymore.

What can God do with that? And then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel, to put legs on her fellow amputees. And that's what we've been doing now since 2005 with Standing with Hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana and you can be a part of that through supplies, through supporting team members, through supporting the work that we're doing over there.

You could designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you could be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking at standingwithhope.com. Would you take a moment to go out to standingwithhope.com and see how you can give? They go walking and leaping and praising God.

You could be a part of that at standingwithhope.com. I have seen an English proverb, the truth of which we all need to take to heart. It says, it is better to begin in the evening than not at all.

Yes, we should have tackled that unpleasant task first thing this morning, but it's better to tackle it tonight than not at all. The prophet Zechariah asks, who has despised the day of small things? That is, building the temple in Jerusalem was a big job, but start small. Lay one brick.

We know what will happen if you don't, and who knows what great things will happen if you do? This is David Jeremiah, encouraging you to get on the road to new life. Discover God's help in beginning on Route 66. Route 66, driving the word home. Log on to route66life.com and get your roadmap for life. That's route66life.com. Route 66, start your journey home today. Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers, hosted by a caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberg.

We're so glad that you're with us. I love that word from Dr. David Jeremiah on Route 66 when he talked about Zechariah. He said, do not despise small beginnings. My dad has quoted that scripture. My dad's been a minister now for about 60 years.

The wisest man I know, and he has quoted that scripture to me so many times over my life. Do not despise small beginnings. I remember when I first started going out speaking to caregivers, and the first audience I spoke to had four people in it.

One of them was my son, and the other one fell asleep. I didn't care because I wasn't going to despise small beginnings because I knew the message was important that caregivers needed a voice speaking to them with clarity, with specificity on what it looks like to move away from these dangerous places and into places of healthiness. I started out on one small station, and this show now is on 185. We're just growing and growing and growing with it because the message is resonating, not because of me, but because the message is resonating that healthy caregivers make better caregivers.

What does that look like? That's what we drill down into this show and talk about and how to help you stay strong and healthy as you care for someone who is not. It's a difficult thing to do, what we're doing as caregivers, and it is impossible to do it alone. You don't have to take my word for it, just 33 years of experience. I would recommend you not trying that. Don't do this alone, and friends don't let friends care give alone.

Watch what God can do in it, and don't despise small beginnings. Dennis in Tennessee. Dennis, good morning. How are you feeling? I feel okay.

I'm getting by day by day. Being here on the wider side, just wanted to remind you or tell you that Dr. Jeremiah's Route 66 has reminded me. Back when I got out of boot camp, a buddy of mine went in my 66 GTO down Route 66 all the way to Southern California for a hangout for a couple of months. That was another young adventure. That was a different time in our country, wasn't it?

Yes, it was. We didn't have air conditioner, so when we got out in the desert in the Indian overhead, it was a little bit of a trial for us, but anyway, we made it. Hey, listen, I've made that run. I made the Kessel run. No, I've made that run with my family, and I have four brothers and a sister. We all piloted a station wagon.

We went out there, and air conditioner would have been helpful, let me just say. All right, what do you got on your mind real quick, Dennis, because we're running out of time here, so what you got on your mind? Okay, well, I just had to call, but when Paul called earlier with his explanation about his wedding to die from liver cancer and everything, it kind of provoked me to call, but I'm in a similar situation. I was a caregiver of my mother here for many, many years, and she passed, and then I found out shortly after that that I have cancer as well, but I live alone, and I guess one of the main things, the reason why I called you was I'm trying to be clear enough thinking, Peter, I've been praying all along that I would be able to be clear-headed enough, clear-minded enough to make my final arrangements and everything.

Well, in the interest of time, Paul, real quick, because, I mean, Dennis, I don't want to lose you. Have you made those arrangements now? No, I haven't. I haven't finished, no.

What's it going to take for you to finish it? Well, the only thing I know to do is to solicit some help from someone. Well, raise your hand and get some help. Have you called your pastor? No, and I have been to church in years since Mother was sick, and we didn't go. Are you able to get to church now?

Not really. I don't drive, and so I'm not able to get out, but anyway, I'm a little bad, but I do miss my spiritual connection, but the main thing is I just need to find out how I can connect to try to make my final arrangements so that I can go on with that off the run. All right, well, the first thing you might want to do is write down what you want to do, and then you can always call somebody.

You can call an attorney to do it. You can call a social worker to come and help you. You can get a counselor. You can call a pastor. Even if it's not your pastor, just call a pastor and just say, look, I need to do this, and call one that has an evangelical mode that will pray with you and minister to you, no matter if you've been a member there or not.

They're called to minister to the body, and you're part of it, but write down everything you want to do. Go ahead and do that first, all right, and then make that call. There are plenty of people out there, I think, that will help you. You may have to just kind of make a few phone calls, but you can make phone calls, but write it down first. Write down everything you want, everything you want to do, and it's already done.

Don't make people have to kind of figure that out with you. Go ahead and do it while you have the presence of mind to do it, all right? Yeah, okay.

That's good thinking. All right, listen, I'm going to go real quick here, but Dennis, you keep listening, keep calling, and we'll talk to you soon, okay? Thank you, Peter. God bless you. Bye-bye. You too, buddy. Thank you. All right, in Mobile, Alabama, says anonymous, so how are you feeling this morning, anonymous?

I'm feeling fantastic. All right, what's your question? I have a friend who is going through the death of her husband, who has not even recovered from the death of her daughter, and I want to know how to minister to the caregiver when they seem not to want to be ministered to. Well, and they may not want to be.

They may be bitter, they may be angry, there may be a lot of things going on on the surface, but down deep, they do. It's just a matter of learning how to speak to them in a way they can understand, and I think right now the fact that you see the fact that she's going through it. Is she in any kind of church situation? Oh, yes. They're involved in church. How close are you with her?

Pretty close. Do you take her out to lunch or breakfast or dinner or something? Well, I've prepared meals. But do you take her out and just spend time with her? I have not done that, primarily because she wants to be with her spouse during this time. I can understand that, but you've offered to take her out to lunch or say, hey, can we go grab some breakfast?

Right, I have. And they go to church or do you sit with them? They're not. He's not able to go to church. Is the church coming to her? As far as I know they are, but they're very private people. Well, and you don't necessarily need to invade their privacy, but talk to the pastors. Are we properly ministering to this family? Are we going to them?

Are they able to have some type of connection to the church as shut-ins? And just keep doing it and you just keep showing up. You don't have to make a big production about it. Just say, look, one of the things I've found with caregivers is that you quietly say to them, I see you, I see the magnitude of what you're carrying, and I want you to know that I want to be with you through this at whatever level is comfortable for you. And start with that, just a conversation starter. Be very gentle with them. Well, I'm about to that point that I feel like saying that, but I haven't.

That's a good place to be. I pray that God would give me the right words to say at the right time. Well, if you want to understand kind of what she's going through a little bit, my book Hope for the Caregiver lays it out. I speak fluent caregiver and that speaks directly to the heart of a caregiver in very clear, easy to understand words. This is what caregivers struggle with. And it's called Hope for the Caregiver. The show is called Hope for the Caregiver. The CD is called Souls for the Caregiver. I've put it all out there for folks who want to learn how to speak fluent caregiver.

This is what it looks like. And she's going to have all kinds of turmoil under the surface, but she's not going to feel necessarily very comfortable sharing it. And that's okay. It's not her job to somehow make everybody else comfortable with her pain. But if you want to be able to speak into that, you got to do it very slowly and with great specificity. And you don't need to overwhelm them.

You just want to be gentle with them. She is grieving. She's hurting. And I appreciate the fact that you're seeing it, but let her know that you see her. Okay? That's the thing.

I can't count how many people have asked me about my wife over the years, but I can count the ones who've asked about me. Okay. And there is a difference. That's good advice. Thank you for that. But be gentle with her and thank you for your heart for seeing her, but just be gentle with her. Okay. And be tender.

And if she can't reciprocate on a way that makes sense to you, don't worry about it. Just keep investing in her and keep modeling Christ for her. You keep doing it.

Okay. How much did Jesus model for us that we couldn't reciprocate? You know, aren't you glad that he didn't wait around for us to understand what he was doing, that he just did it anyway? That's what we do. We just do it because it's the right thing to do. It is what we do. And if they respond well, great. If they don't, we just keep doing it. We keep loving them. Thank you for the call so much on that. This is hope for the caregiver, hopeforthecaregiver.com. If you want to see more information, we'll see you next time. The views and opinions expressed in this broadcast may not necessarily reflect those of the American Family Association or American Family Radio.