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Hope for the Caregiver

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
June 22, 2019 11:57 am

Hope for the Caregiver

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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June 22, 2019 11:57 am

From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER air date June 6/22/2019

Special guest: Mary Tutterow.

Mary and her husband Winn have two adult children and live in Charleston, South Carolina. Their daughter, Mary Addison, has cognitive and physical challenges and an active seizure disorder. They also cared for Winn’s mother through cancer and dementia. A former anchorwoman and marketing executive, Mary now writes, speaks and leads online and in-person small groups for caregivers.

Mary's new book: 

Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger
Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger
Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger
Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger
Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger
Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger

The hope of the caregiver. American family radio this is murder. I so glad that you're with us 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 if you want to be a part of the show. You can also stream alone and we are also do this on Facebook love as well. It hope for the caregiver on Facebook. That's we are due the section from a different location today Gracie and I have moved to Southwest Montana and I'm actually done here at Bass Valley Baptist Church in Ennis Montana where they have graciously allowed me to set up shop.

Your temporarily and do the show and it some been a big step for us. We just got here. Leslie will become a writer for a long time and we decided to finally leave Nashville and move out to Montana did the show from out here early this year for several months. What we can attest. Randy, a theory, and I thought that we had that Gracie physically does does better out here in this cold, dry here, which she has traumatic arthritis my wife for those you just enjoy the show and for heard of your thinking this is a show for caregivers. The ideas and it's the nation's number one shelf family caregiver and my wife has had about 80 surgeries that I can count, and both legs amputated well over $10 million in medical bills hundred 50 smaller procedures that we can count and loose with a lot of traumatic degenerative cost, arthritis, osteoporosis, and so forth. Humidity is not her friend dry cold air helps her and helps reduce inflammation and so we threw a lot of tears, thanks to prayers and even a few arguments we looked at our options and we decided this is where our hearts will be so we moved out west and it's it's been a little bit of adjustment but were here and glad to be here and this is sometimes a journey of caregivers requires us to make some drastic changes we made drastic change but not just for grace, we did for me too because my heart is, stilled out here and it's a good it's a great place when you I would I was driving to tell the other day and I had to stop outward 10 miles from the paved road and I had to stop because out was able to watch a Carol having a calf right the truck to the pastor's other message you see every day in Nashville and you know it was just in them last night Grace and I were coming in back up to the house and a bald eagle flew over guard.

It was just like this is just this just to cool with everybody at the American family radio complexed in Mississippi her off, they could they be to come up here for retreat would introduce Britt our producer today.

Britney with us.

Yes sir Britt yet is that it out. Are you out you all planning retreat bloodied order extra food. But what's to come up. Yes sir, we get we don't have the animals that you have up there so we're were talking about it and we would love a trip up there of a retreat unabashedly safely right yes I will see we can't work that out. We are glad that you're with us.

This is a show for caregivers about caregivers. You know it is hosted by caregiver to caregiver myself now for my 33rd year and through a lot of difficult journeys and and how you help caregiver. What does it look like what is it look like to to strengthen the family caregiver and these are things that are hard to know what to do and and I am committed on the show to helping my fellow caregivers find that path to safety, helping myself find that path to safety. I don't think it's a one and done.

I've never thought that it's not a one and done issue. It is, it is a constant reminder of the things that help get us to safety and it's spiritual it's physical, it's fiscal. It's emotional.

It's professional.

All of the above, and if we're not equipping each other and helping each other do these things then how are we going get there. You can try to do this by yourself and white knuckle it by yourself. I don't recommend but the way I have found in my 3+ decades of this through a medical nightmare is that I've got to have help I got to help help from other people who understand how to speak caregiver and and I've learned fluent caregiver but I want to give you a good piece of news is much as I have learned it's our Savior's native tongue. Our Savior speaks caregiver as his native tongue. That's who we use that to our Savior is and he is acquainted with this and and I would invite you to allow his scarred hand to hold your scared hand through this we are. We're joined us more about what you will be on the show. 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 if you will be for the sore joints more about for the month. Very thorough from Charleston, South Carolina, and Mary's got a new Bible study on the book out and unwanted just share a little bit about her with you as she and her husband when they have two adult children and live in Charleston which is one of the absolute most beautiful cities in the country I grew up in an upstate South Carolina but been to Charleston many times other daughter Mary Addison has cognitive and physical challenges. I she's in her mid to late 20s. I think what Mary equipment here in a minute and she is also an active seizure disorder. They also dealt with cancer and dimension their family. They've been doing this for a long long long time. Now she's a former anchorwoman and marketing director and marketing executive, and so forth and does all kinds of things and she has rights as she speaks a cheat sheet leads online and in-person small groups for caregivers. She's really infested and has done a lot of this for a long time.

In her new studies called the heart of the caregiver.

Somewhere you will you with us this morning.

Mary good morning good morning good morning how you feeling different training here in Charleston that I think it may happen can get up and go play golf, hiking get on the radio will listless not whine too much because it's very early where I of two hours behind you that it's it's all right. I grew up on Eastern time zone. Now I'm living in Mountain time with it. So it's a bit of adjustment bit of adjustment. A been friends for a while. A while enough followed with great interest. What you do, tell us a little bit about your life you journeys a caregiver that will get into this new book you have my heart when I have two adult children. He said an outline it up and out on his own and yet when it Mary had a tendency mailing to the great challenge theater disorder, seething really pretty much many times every day and during caring for her. These 27 years. We often cared for his my husband mother and only child care for his mother through her cancer and dementia and currently we are now caring for his dad were part of the caregiving team, long distance, he doesn't live here with that boy. We know a lot about caregiving and it's been one of these journeys that I buy might be able to talk about things today in a voice that you know, 10, 15 years ago I would never dreamed I could be calm and peaceful about the things in my life is just like you being in moving after 28 years in the same house Peter holy smoke moving into a brand-new life as I gotta tell you I got a hello. We went through more drama getting this stuff that I think that Gracie watched her struggle more. Getting rid of things we accumulated for all these years that I did watching her get rid of her legs is like a couple of baby but outlets were to take a quick break to be joined for the next segment he was married to hetero to talk about her journey and think she's learned along the way. 888-589-8840 888-589-8840. This is hope for the cure. This is the nation's number one show for you as a family caregiver be part of your part of what were doing. Understand that if you try to do this by yourself in that you don't have to be. That's why were here 888-589-8840 will be right back. You will hear a statement that will cause you to think was God look for people he loves. He creates means that God is doing for you right now even if you don't know, sometimes I'm sharp with my sin and wonder our God could possibly love me when it's dark and I wonder tell you what he says son I'm not finished yet he is finished reviewing. Trust me on this. I finished product will look well, sort of like Jesus. Meanwhile you are discouraged with the process. Okay on Steve Brown which is just heard you think about that for you.

We are glad that you with this computer. Rosenberger 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 that song coming in because he lives at his my wife Gracie with her dear friend John Erickson taught the that is a beautiful version of what they did with the great him and you could hear the whole thing or downloaded. It's available wherever you stream and download music and all the cost of Amazon and iTunes. All I can stuff it got to our website standing with standing with if you want to hear and see this video we put together with us really really great. You can check that out and see about what we do in our ministry be part of what we do it standing with which is the pursuing sponsor of the show we talk with Mary to hetero my friend from trust, South Carolina friend and fellow caregiver. She has been doing this for a long time and I found her to be a will oh well spring of great wisdom.

She's journey down the caregiving path for lo these many years. Mary tell us a little bit more of your journey as a mom caregiver and what that's meant to you and some things you've learned in endless talk about the heart of the caregiver well started out quite a career women and we had hired in any war that the birth of our first child wouldn't slow down our careers and boy it got have something else in mind because along the baby having 500 seizures a day and not I have been a churchgoer but I had never taken got up on his word.

I'd never really ever never about club. I wasn't a believer and then one night in the nursery as on Holderness baby who had been sent home to die in our armed she's deceiving and here's a just streaming down my face onto the baby and for the first time in my life. I cried out. How did Mary the mother of Jesus watch her child suffer and die like I'm watching my child suffer and die and loaded this 27 year journey of like you said Peter. The beginning of the show. Learning that my Lord speaks caregiver that it's the very calling of Jesus I had never never seen parenting to be the being a servant compared to being a servant, and it changed everything in it.

This whole journey is changed the way I have relationship not only with my children with my husband with my friends with my Lord. It it just changed everything swerves into little bit of stuff that's going on in the political world and ask you questions about it. There's no coordination between Mary on this because I try to not be coordinated in any way fresh before bed. It's I can't help but think about when you're when you're talking about this. The comments of Gov. Northern Virginia and what that must and this is one of the things that I have struggled with what he made those things those comments is that what are parents of special needs children listening to when they listen to this guy.

How are they going to respond to this and are believers able to counteract that and speak with the with more clarity and a better voice into those families. Like you weren't at that point it in you cumulative if you came along at a very vulnerable time with you with your daughter. Things may turn not much different, and in his voice, not just him with just his voice of think it's okay to make a decision quote unquote about this child you know and II I'm just horrified at what's going on in our country and how were devaluing life and in caregivers of special needs children particular who have reached the end of the rope. They don't know what to do little to who to listen to. They don't know how to respond in the world is offering will look at what the world was offered. I would do offering infanticide and you come along as a mother of a child with special needs and your party to the Savior talk little bit about that. I know I swerved into that event, the problem suppressing with it but I can't help but think about it because that's what's going on the national discourse right now. Well. You know my daughter with your whole having half of her brain removed trying to quiet her T-shirt and I was five months pregnant at the time and we were having surgery done on the West Coast and my might.

My OB/GYN called me in California and I have been. It just had to go back to the East Coast, all the convoluted thing I'm getting somewhere with the theater and awaiting ran with my daughter on the table. I get told that my son the testing we done that were having a boy but that he has down syndrome and that I should aborting because what would I like to be like with kids, so I immediately call my amazing incredible has been hit that absolutely not. We're doing it with one we can do to and I thank God every day for the power the Holy Spirit speaking to my husband it's very broken terrified young young wife and mother that we have faith that that kind of conversation being the last from the medical community being called. You need to have an abortion you know and I'm I'm in a state of absolute terror. We were two years along with our daughter. I'd already had that experience with crying out to God I had already witnessed the power of the truth behind his where we are the weakest powerful because through this little broken baby. He was absolutely turning the tables on these two self-centered, materialistic, up-and-coming driven yuppies shattered everything we had understood about what it means to be healing them with rebuilding us from the foundation of love and and so I know firsthand how it feels to be one of these young mom for being told the choice you have an and probably choice you need to make the world would be better off with less quote unquote disabled people and yet I that's the prevailing thought in our culture and our world that that is what the world offers. Let's get rid of anything that is undesirable and and we were in that same position to win our seconds. When Grace was pregnant with her second son, and they said same kind of thing to us.

Gracie was just I was a look back with just amazement she apps she went off every bit of medication.

Cold turkey did and protected that life inside her and I struggled out I got I embarrassingly in and grievously struggle because something okay I'm already taking care of one person who's disabled, and now they're saying there are child to be born without you know with significant brain damage and the doctor was absolutely wrong. 100% wrong and not only born with a healthy brain and healthy bodies get brilliant and you know and and I look at the medical community and they are just so quick. So many of them that get share this kind of worldview. Let's just get rid of it had a friend must show that with that has down syndrome son 40 years old and he said the most at risk individual in this country is a baby with down syndrome in the womb.

And thank you Lord like yours completely stop medical world and a brilliant young man is perfectly fine. Will I I would suggest I would suggest that you know the these children that God brings in your life are perfectly fine. However, he brings them in. It's just we're not perfectly fine with sometimes the things that God does and that's what he works on this was worked out with me and I realize that I'm not perfectly fine messed up and and and I've seen this and this is what I think you have shown in your own life is that you realize that this was God chiseling away at things in your own life and he uses things that the world just is baffled by uses the foolishness of the world to reveal his glory in Scripture says in and in his wisdom, and so this is what is led you to this whole minister you have of the heart of a caregiver and talk about that for having a mother-in-law believer Scripture put material gave me the time for prayer to the church did that thing I don't know that the journey would've ended up crying and this is what my passion is Peter. If it went a family that is crossed for you and I both know door that isolation "and you're so much time in the hospital so much time at it that much time with the child can't cohere can't go there and isolate and the more you get isolated more ugly thought takeover and this is what I'm actually passion about it. I believe this is a mission field of people right here under our noses, that the church needs to realize who they are and what they need and have the tools to be able to put in their hands and not for the heart of the caregivers all about it. It's not about autism is not about a child with special needs is not about Alzheimer's is not about cancer. It's about the having to lay down their life for someone else and and and just flat out serve you room you come on the show because you kinda have to done this for a long time to understand what the core needs are big silly times. If you do this for a couple years wrapped up into the disability. The dysfunction and and then when you do this for a couple decades start to realize a way to minute.

This is the sanctification process.

This is God speaking in a way that I didn't recognize before. This is really about my own dysfunction in my own need. It's not about making sure I learned everything there is.

Like you said about autism or vocational amputation, trauma, and all the stuff. Those are important things but but it's it's our journey as caregivers of understanding God's provision in it and this is what you just said overthrow statement here want to bounce off of this. If I felt sometimes it caregivers can feel isolated in the crowded room and caregivers can feel isolated on a crowded pew talk about that. Well, you didn't. You been church and felt able to get your walking out the door to chart.

Yeah, and not only gone into a place of what I expected.

What I had planned how I get on with my life because the world is telling you you need to get on with your life will maintain your own life and you need to get a bubble bath lunch with friend baba Vlad like that happened need time well covered it got going. I'm sorry to quick break will be like that. This is hopefully caregiver will be like that goes like this is Jim Stanley general manager of American family radio here to tell you that changes on the year changes will that's true to we got some big changes coming up and you will hear them on the year as I was saying changes are coming and you hear them on the year beginning Monday, June 24 here on American family radio. Today's culture he's opting for entertainment rather than biblical enlightenment for those who resist that trend.

Friends of Israel shows listeners why loving the Jewish people in supporting Israel is important to the Christian faith.

Friends of Israel shares biblical truth about Israel and the Messiah and promote solidarity with the Jewish people.

This is talk of the friends of Israel today radio program heard each week and on the station. Here's what's happening in Israel friends of Israel Saturday afternoon into here on American family radio I'm Peter Rosenberger and this is your caregiver minute noise bombards us every day from 24 hour cable news to traffic to our mobile devices we are inundated with a wall of noise seem to keep so many of us in a state of agitation for caregivers taking a moment to sit quietly and settle our hearts them seems nearly impossible, but it's critical for us to do just that. You see, if we don't take time for stillness were going to have to make time for illness.

That constant state of anxiety, stress, and sensory overload. We experience as caregivers will eventually make us sick. Stress kills the way we push back on this is to carve out some time or we can just be still and quiet prayer, meditation, or just clearing our frenetic thoughts. It all helps reboot our minds and hearts and allows us to be a little calmer in the caregiver storm we navigate this is been your caregiver minute with Peter Rosenberger brought you by standing with hope. A ministry for the wounded and those who care for them. There's more about caregivers hosted by caregiver. I'm Peter Rosenberger.

This is hope for the caregiver American family radio. We are the nation's largest radio program exclusively for the family character, but those you were pushing the wheelchair have a special needs child dealing with aging parents have a spouse that has traumatic issues, amputation autism addiction if you got somebody in your family and your skin, your orbit, who is an alcoholic or have some type of addiction issue your functioning as a carrier.

Make no mistake about it, and we are one of the few people if not the only ones that are doing this on a national level to leave and that whole addiction issue to this because it's a chronic impairment. If there's a chronic impairment.

There's a caregiver.

How are you feeling how are you doing that's what the show is all about is helping you get to a place of safety back in you away from that cliff and getting you to place a safety 888-589-8840 888-589-8840.

We are on the phone here without Mary told Roe from Charleston, South Carolina. Just an amazing individual who has mind, those deep places where the heart of the caregiver is at risk is credibly vulnerable and she has been able to go into those deep places herself as a caregiver for many, many, many years through a very difficult set of circumstances and see the hand of God in ways that she never expected and up Mary, I'm sorry I had to cut truffle into the break table talk a little bit more about what you were doing there, because you you when you you you build and that isolation component that affects so many of us at about L all caregiver suffer from three as we lose our identity lose our independence we become isolated and in that isolation, dark thoughts can take over if we are not hearing the in those isolation with the start thoughts here for not hearing hope in life to be listening to those dark thoughts, and unfortunately the world as is modeled by the governor of Virginia in the state of New York and all these other people are speaking with great loudness. I mean only just in these dark thoughts themselves into this, but we as the church have a responsibility speak life into this and to speak the hope of the gospel and in the hope of the gospel is the only tangible thing you can grab a hold of in this talk little bit more about that Mary exactly right. And the gospel.

You know you can do a lot of things to get to get quiet. But if if the church isn't there to help her caregiver hand back and handed Jesus. Nobody needs Mary Colorado.

I love you Peter but nobody really Peter. We all like servant ultimate caregiver and and I believe with all my heart. It is time for the church to step up to answer the questions that are being raised by the race family caregiver act and things like that that are going on that it is the time for the church to shine because the Lord and how to serve in changing your perspective on where not here to build a big job the big house big car big life big trip. We are here for his creativeness with a purpose to do and what ever your role in life is we are here for each other. It doesn't necessarily have to be a child with special needs are apparently Alzheimer's but we were created at the body to be here for each other to learn to love and serve one another and we forgotten how to do that we know how to help people in foreign countries, but we forgotten how to hate here at the people that we rub elbows with and I believe that this is what God is calling us to through this movement of so many people being weak and wounded. The elderly people and children are born today with some kind a disabling condition is staggering and I believe that the experience is just like what we found with our child and I know you found with Gracie loving and serving get this right back to the heart of our Lord and it gets us right back to a balance of why were here and who we are and get off the gerbil wheel of competition and and and accumulation all the things that's the blessing that we have we received so much freedom from this journey to just say what the world is dealing out is not what we have to deal with statement I wanted to let you respond to the statement said this while back. You said there's nothing like doing this is taking care of somebody with a chronic impairment for couple of decades to expose the funk in your own life's does that resonate with you very well. On another level, I would rain out and exit well anybody anywhere but I was hot you know you go to private school you get a fine education go to college or university, you earn a degree.

You have a career and you get married and you have children and your children have to be perfect and you keep your figure and you know all the things you make great meals. You do all the stuff in a long-term child, my daughter preparing my life for my daughter and she's born and overnight. I realize from her profound challenges.

He'll never have any of those things never made me completely re-shaft my perspective on what it must mean to be human because clearly God didn't doubt your disqualified from having a meaningful life because she couldn't do any of those things that the world had told us you have to do and she absolutely shook our world to the core.

Everything was shifting sand there was no solid ground could rebuild everything on what other people thought and on money and on smartphone on everything in the Lord absolutely strictest down to love.

But that to hang onto. So it's just I saw that my own life that I had all these ambitions and all these dreams and you know when you when you came for somebody a family moves at the speed of the slowest member and I usually run around at about 900 miles an hour was my hero and fire and and we grace you have learned that the West can work within a week. We cannot move faster than this thing and were going to have to deal with it as it is and it's hard to to make those long-term career plans is hard to do the sink, but as we like like in this mover here. We've kind of reduced everything down to the bare minimum of our life because that's that's how we have to live. That's how we live is caregiver real quickly in the just the last couple minutes talk about your your new book, the heart of a character caregiver Church Street hurting people, caregiver and pocket the ministry we do a lot of online small graded webinars and things like that but it it's not my story, God story, the words he spoke to me over 10 years and journaling and then came years of teaching.

This tooth migrates in my church. It's the words that actually transform the heart of the caregiver to be able to have a servant's heart and allow the Lord in to do this work.

You peace and find joy and fulfillment in doing this very hard work but yeah not a curse that the gift it really is and and Heidi caregiver and the second book coming out this Christmas.

The people caregiver are a part of a series of study guides to get people back into God's word to get people back connected to each other, not in the conversation of the disease or disability that in the conversation of our Lord and Savior and who he is at the where can people get this anywhere, books are sold and my website it the heart of de but any bookstore and it's on Amazon in Christian books, all that stuff go out and speak a good bit outside of the trust.

I know that logistically that's hard to do you do that, I well I can and that like you said mean I am in the trenches just like you are on doing it right now. You know, and so a lot of my stuff comes from.

I do a lot from home just like what were doing right now will and that's the beauty of this world were limited in nails that we can technology engage each other. What used to be was we were condemned to isolation. No were not. And that's why we do this radio show because we know that this can go to places where other people did they just can't get out and and that isolation.

This is crippling and where were pushing back on that and so are you a love what you do Harry and I've been getting text and people follow Facebook just said what an amazing guest, you are and and and I have to come back and continue talk about this more of your you're welcome, anytime, because I think that those of us who been doing this for a long time when we need to hear these things and reminders we we we understand with the real issues are. Once you and I encourage everyone to learn as much as you can about your loved ones impairment really do that is so important as a caregiver.

But I also encourage you to learn as much as you can about your own impairment. That's where the battle is for us as caregivers because his lungs were focused on someone else's stuff. We don't have to deal with her own and and I I can't speak for all you will, but I can speak for myself. I got Lydia stuff that's way apart from Gracie's journey.

I got a lot of stuff that I got a deal with it. It's this basically it's sanctification limitless. Just be blunt about it a minute it is, you know, our salvation occurred immediately at the cross when Jesus said it is finished. That's when salvation occurs the moment we we are we are we are saved in Christ, our glorification will happen when we step into his eternal kingdom permanently just right there instantly, but asked sanctification that takes a lifetime of that's that's a little bit more of a bloodied business of our life to and God uses Six Flags wrap that he wanted.

You're the only person you can change our circumstances may not be able to change we can change and when we make the choice to do that hard in her work, and inner healing to function at 11 year function, place 11 report from our Savior and do it alone.

It not only changes I we want to have a healthy, joyful, peaceful life. In doing that, but by golly it changes people around here for changes are other relationship and we hope you hurting world. Now you know not only given a microphone and a spotlight radio program and all the other wonderful work you every day when you're out and letting you have a struggle to trust God when you see things D I'm Gracie Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs. He became questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me.

But over time the questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing without more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison.

We also recycle parts from donated lambs.

All of this is to point others to Christ.

The source of my help and strength, please visit standing to learn more and participate in lifting others that standing I'm Gracie. I am staining with help caregiver the nation's number one show for the family caregiver Mary, I'm sorry I had to go to heartbreak. There and I cut you off there, but I appreciate what you were saying that we do get to model this if we're willing to trust God in the midst of this grace to something that would rail against God. It is all it does is just delay our own sense of well-being in our own sense of of of commerce that's available to us through Christ, you know, we were as miserable as happy as we choose to be. And so your words were were well said, and Samaria wanted. I did what it just send you packing into the to the commercial but thank you for being a part of the show and I would put this out of the podcast a little bit later over time on the website. Mary Hart of the download their if you were touched by this. Would you go out and check out what Mary is doing look at this book and I just I just love her heart. I love what she's done and now you can see why wanted to have her on the show in us to put this out of the podcast a bit later.

The podcast is free to subscribe to it and its older website it steady with and be a part of the show Mary thank you for joining us you're going to have to come back okay all right Melissa list go to couple call zeros go to Brendan Ohio Brenda good morning, how are you feeling Brenda hello good morning-desperate right what's going on six hours a week taking care of my 20 car accident two years ago in a tornado and suffered five traumatic brain injury. God miraculously protected him and kept them alive and we just came from neurologist three weeks ago and I can't believe how advanced he is. I have lost my job, my, I'm trained speech language pathologist.

I've lost my certification and licensure because I'm depleted all my savings I moved from Oklahoma eight months ago with my daughter and son-in-law's promise that we have a new life, only to be totally completely isolated and just started getting skilled nursing care just five days ago and now my body is broken I got I got the faith and surgery and I've got to find a way to get help from my list.

Let's back up just a little bit.

You got skilled care coming for your son right starting yes finally that's a start. Okay the look he didn't get here overnight you going to have to be a little bit more patient with yourself and with your circumstances because it's gonna take a long time to cut a claw your way back to the place of solid footing on some of these things which are solid footing on your heart level can start today you can start right now and you you made a good call just to reach out to say to somebody me just just the fact that your calling into a show just to say hey I'm hurting that sometimes is the hardest thing we can do is raise her hand ascending to help in your why we do the show so let's let's back up, you got it. You've you've already been going do need some surgery. The skilled care is a 24 seven or what is always been improved with Ohio medical waiver was 56 are the week and we can even get that barely 3 to 5 days a week. That's a start. It's not the solution but is a start. What about the rest of your family where no one my my daughters here in Dayton Ohio. My second one in Baltimore. That's all I have Allen father abandoned seven years ago when I had taken care of him as a diabetic full-time and so now you barging in the scene again telling me manipulating me on how to live and what to do and you will die or stay with daughter will divorce and family.

Yes, I years of marriage.

So he's barging in and what gives them the right to do that and my daughters to manipulate the courtship to get co-guardianship they can override my decision start situation working on backup. He has guardianship of your son co-guardianship okay is not easy. Co-caregiving. Now he doesn't do anything. Okay, and I'm in Ohio. Okay this, do you have a lawyer I have to get one. I just got consult last night that I have to find my guardianship expires Thursday night. My question is if your husband is going. My question is if your husband is a coguardian does he have any kind of resources not really be accessed from vacation plan to come in and take over will. Didn't you know what I would do well on wood. If he comes and takes over.

Where do you go I have no place will why don't you if he comes and takes over it with you having your surgeries but I won't know for sure I would hope that Artie had one. Two weeks ago my daughters and their dad threatened me threaten you with what I had to cancel everything was calling well because I'm a guardian and neglecting Alan if I put in an respite care because I need to have surgery for a needed help someone to help me you can.

I don't see the why I don't do similar that's a problem.

Respite care if they're willing to take care of and that's fine, but you can go you need surgery, and you know it will actually problem are those in and you get that document from your doctor can process I have to go through biopsy found that I may have probable cancer my throat this Wednesday. I last Wednesday.

I just had my complete evaluation. Now the CAT scan ultrasound in the next couple weeks to determine the next course of action in the center that a priority, compress a lot of things here because were to bump up against the end of the show, but I want to see if I can summarize what utilities what you're telling me is that you have exhausted your resources physical, emotional, and financial that you have a daughter okay and that, let me just summarize real quick. You have exhausted all of your resources you need surgery. Your help this depleted you were going to go do this and then put your son an respite care so that you could go and do this and then your daughter who does not help you with your son and your ex-husband who does not help you with your son have stepped in and told you what to do with the sun that you're not helping that they're not helping with to understand it correctly okay. I think maybe it's time for them to talk to the hand. Okay because if they're not helping their part of the problem and if they want to help if they don't if they don't want you to put them an respite care while you go get your surgery while you go do what you need to do that they are welcome to show up. They have co-guardianship. They have co-response or your excess meniscal responsibility and he can show up and start acting like he's this boy's father and if he doesn't, then he doesn't need to have co-guardianship, but he can be writing checks from whatever meager salary has its it sounds like it's time to play little bit a hardball brand now appointed guardian, or someone to defend me because I picked up against the wall with no pre-life and take 24 seven care. I think that you don't need a court or court appointed going to defend you. I think it's okay for you to defend yourself if you look at your daughter and say step off and you look at your ex-husband, say, step up and it's okay for you to stop being a doormat to these people. It really is. It's okay for you. It's okay to defend yourself against them because if you don't defend yourself against him.

What could happen to your son, they are attacking the only the only persons taking care of your son as you and then they're coming out there and they're compromising you. So if you go down with throat cancer or anything else that's going on with you. What's their plan. Let's get this out of this whole manipulation thing and you stop being a doormat to these people and tell them that the hard cold truth. And if you can't do that by yourself in the list someone who can ask your doctor to maybe recommend somebody that could be a source of help to you. There are a lot of people out there that can do that social workers, attorneys, counselors are Lotta people, pastors, Lotta people can help give you a little bit extra strength and hope. But somebody needs to tell these people step off and somebody still to success with your step up if you're the guy that if you want to do it. That's great. But if you're not then get some help somebody who can help you do that people tell me I can't make phone call today to try to get prescription therapy in order to get Dr. prescription prior authorization. I'm on the phone all the time to take care of him.

I understand that's not change much help. Yes, you do and help looks like you got it ex-husband is claiming guardianship help. Looks like either.

He's got to get your face that your business and your daughters will or they can have to step up and help. End of discussion.

That's what help. Looks like at this point is you cannot have them jumping all over you every time you try to do something and it sounds like you every time they come at you. You just kind of collapse under the strain.

You don't know is a complete sentence.

You you they don't have the power to give you a choice not chosen on that date that you own. You know, is no they don't. They do not. It starts right there with that concept. You can say no to these people, you really can't get some help for you get your doctor refer you to a counselor. Get your doctor for you to social worker and lay this out to put this out of the podcast. I want you to go back and listen to this call later on today. Hear what you're saying, what would you say to somebody's in the same situation as you call back it again next week and from into the so quick. You look at the call-in anytime you want. I will keep reinforcing these things right now you need to work on defending your own heart is to keep attacking this is hope for the caregiver hope the will see you next week

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