Welcome back to the show, Four Caregivers, hosted by Caregiver, designed for caregivers.
I'm Peter Rosenberg. I am your host and I'm glad you're with us. This is Hope for the Caregiver on American Family Radio.
If you want to be on the show, 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840, and we're talking about defending your faith to yourself as a caregiver. You know, a lot of times I've found that folks have all the right words to go out there and they say it in public. You know, I've had people call in the show and say, how are you feeling?
Well, I'm blessed, but I just hate my mama. You know, they talk in the God talk, but do they talk to the God talk to themselves? Do they properly speak to their own heart like David did at Ziklag when his men were going to stone him? Do they encourage themselves in the Lord? Do you know how to do that as a caregiver in those late night conversations with the ceiling fan when you are struggling, when you are just so frustrated, so angry, so despairing?
Do you know how to do that? Do you have people around you that can do that? I was looking at a comment that my friend Tammy posted on Facebook Live.
You can follow the show on Facebook Live on Hope for the Caregiver at Facebook. And I love what she said, a lot of crud comes out, up and out, up and out before you get to self-realization of our constant need for God. And I think that we caregivers sometimes function as high, you know, multitaskers and we're moving around trying to do everything. And we don't realize just how needy we are before God. And we don't realize our own brokenness. We're just as broken. We're just as much in need of a savior as our loved one. But we're so busy trying to carry someone to Jesus that we don't realize how much we need Jesus ourselves. Is that you as a caregiver?
Is that where your headspace is? If so, this is the place for you. We speak fluent caregiver here. I've been doing this for 33 years as a caregiver. We speak fluent caregiver here, but guess what? I got a better news for you. It's our savior's native tongue.
That's who he is. And there's things going on in your life. There are broken things in your life that I know, and Scripture teaches us throughout all of Scripture, that he's interested in working out in your life. Yes, I know your loved one's needs are pressing, but just because they're acting out in a way, if they have a mental illness and they act out in a way that is causing distress, if they stop acting out in that way, it's not going to necessarily make your life all better. If they stop using or abusing alcohol or using drugs, that's not going to make it all go away for you. If your loved one gets out of pain today, if the cancer is gone, you still have you to deal with. And you're seeing as a caregiver some of the things that are lurking in the bottom of your soul. Now, how do we deal with those things?
What does the gospel look like in that? You know, he knows your name. We're so busy trying to shout out our loved one's name to Christ. He knows your name.
Says it's engraved on the palm of his hand. Why is this important that we're having this conversation? Because caregivers are so lost in someone else's story that they don't, that someone else's pain and suffering is obfuscating their own pain and suffering. And that needs to be dealt with too. And we have a Savior that can do both. He's the ultimate multi-tasker. We're not. We're poor imitations of it.
But he can do both. Let's go to Laurie in Texas. Laurie, good morning. How are you feeling, Laurie? I'm feeling overwhelmed. Well, what's going on? Well, I, my husband has a lot of pain and now he has a lot of itching all over his body with the liver disease.
And I would like to know how I can handle the pain and suffering that he is going through without letting it overwhelm me so that I can help him. I almost feel like I have to separate myself from that. It, it, it's, it's in some way. You do. You do.
And this is an area that I, I truly get. My wife's not known to date, date without this kind of pain in the 33 years of our marriage. And she's been doing this with, she's been hurt for 36 years. And you do. You, you sometimes, um, have to separate yourself while there are tears streaming down your face. And sometimes you have to turn your face and you just have to catch your breath away from him sometimes. It is a hard thing to watch someone suffer. And there are times when your fists are just clenched and you just want to just, you are so angry about it and you feel so helpless about it.
I get that. But you have to understand you didn't cause this and you cannot fix this. And you, you, um, I, I go back to it.
This is what, for me, this is what I, I, I learned a principle through this a long time ago. And I have to remind myself again, we're talking about the fundamentals today and I have to remind myself of this, but our son, when he was three years old, was at a preschool and he fell off a thing at the playground and cut his chin pretty badly. And we went over there, we got him, we took him to his pediatrician and he needed a couple stitches in his chin. And so the pediatrician, I held him while they numbed up his chin and then they, they sewed him up and I was looking at our son and he was just screaming, bloody murder. I mean, he was terrified. He was just, he was just, he was just, he was just, he was just, he was just screaming, bloody murder. I mean, he was terrified. He was just, he was so distraught and there's no way that I could explain to him stitches, infections, antibiotics, anesthesia.
I mean, there's no way I can explain any of these things. And he's three and I just held him. And while he, while the doctor was doing this and I just kept looking into his eyes that were filled with big tears and I kept saying, it's okay. Daddy's here. Daddy's here. It's okay. Daddy's here. It's going to be all right. And then after it was over, I just held him.
Yeah. I know me, Lori. I know me.
I know what a, what a lousy sinner I am. And if I can do that, imagine how much more our heavenly father does to you, not just to your husband to say to you, Lori, it's okay. Daddy's here. And he's watching this with you.
He's not unaware of this. And for whatever reason, this is the journey your husband has to go through. And this is the journey you have to go through. I do not understand it. I don't like it. It's the journey Gracie and I have to go through.
Do not like it. That's comforting to know that God sees and is aware. He is. I promise you He is.
Of my husband's pain and what I'm going through. I promise you He is, Lori. I promise you He is.
That's 33 years of this. I promise you He is. It's just not easy. And this is why I do the show. You're why I do the show. Because I know how lonely these places are when you watch someone suffer like you're having to watch. I know how lonely this is. And I want you to know that you're not alone in this.
And that there is a place for you to get to that solid ground, for you to breathe when you realize, okay, this is just awful. But it is not yours to fix. And you can care for your husband. You can't. You truly cannot.
Neither can I. And you can care for them and you can love them. And one of the ways that you're going to care for him best is to help yourself get some air. To strengthen yourself in the Lord in this. To put good stuff into your own heart so that those moments come when it's just absolutely beating you down.
That just like David did, when his own men had stones and ready to kill him, he strengthened himself in the Lord. And chronic pain is a horrific thing to watch in another human being. It's a horrific thing to go through for certain.
And it's also horrific to watch. I know it helps my husband when I'm strong and positive and, you know, it'll be all right. I know that helps, that attitude helps him. But sometimes it's hard to find that.
It is. And that's not your responsibility, by the way. You can help him, but it's not your responsibility to make sure you're always that way for him. And you can do certain physical things in the house sometimes with my wife. She has, she has, you know, creature comfort things that you can do, you can help with.
Softer music, a lot of loud noises tend to be a problem. There's a lot of food things you can eat that'll help with inflammation or pain type of things. There's, you know, just diet, you know, physical things you can do, emotional things you can do, spiritual things you can do. But I promise you that, that it's, it's, he's not abandoning you in this thing. And there are other people not going to necessarily understand it until you've lived it until you've lived this, you are not going to get this, but you're living it and you understand it. And it is a hard thing to watch someone suffer. But it's also a hard thing for you to suffer in silence on this. And you have to realize how vulnerable you are in this moment to despair and everything else.
And so you, you better serve your husband when you're doing what is necessary to care for your own heart, for your own body, for your own spirit. Yeah. Okay. So you, you know, I, I did a CD called hope for the, uh, songs for the caregiver and you can go listen to it online. Uh, you go out to our website and see and listen to, just listen to some of the music.
Let me, let, let, let me play for you. And, and Gracie singing a few songs of this. There's one, you can hear, um, Baum and Gilead. And she sings this, um, starts off with be still my soul.
And then it goes into Baum and Gilead. Best arrangement I biased, but it's the best arrangement of that hymn I've ever heard because it was sung by somebody who's in pain. Gracie's a no kidding singer. I mean, a no kidding singer. And, um, we did this arrangement of this together and it, I did it just for people who are just suffering. And I remember when she and I remember when she sang this and she did it live to track. Jim's playing it right now.
Just, I'll tell you what, listen to her sing it and then we'll go to the break. Don't go away. Revives my soul again.
Reminds me, reminds me about a ball. Show four caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver. This is hope for the caregiver.
This is Peter Rosemergen. I'm glad you're with us. My wife, Gracie singing Baum and Gilead. And, uh, Laurie, you still with me?
Yes, I am. That song. Uh, she sang that in her wheelchair live to track. Now that what that means is that there was no editing on her voice.
We just played it. The two of us played it piano vocal together. And, um, she did that live to track one take.
Wow. And she was sitting there and my friend Chris Latham came over to the house. He's a Grammy award winning engineer in Nashville and came over the house and he ran a cord into the kitchen where she was there and it blocked off there. And I was at the piano room and and she's sitting there with the dog sitting beside her and just saying Baum and Gilead. Uh, sometimes I feel discouraged and my days are filled with pain.
And I, I rearranged that section and kind of added that little bit to it. Um, because we understand what it's like to go through those kinds of things and it's hard to watch someone suffer. And I am so glad that you took the time to call this morning just to be able to hear someone else who understands what you're going through and to say he has not abandoned you. And it doesn't mean that you're going to go and have just, you know, rainbow and sunshine's rest of the day here or tomorrow or anything else. It means that you're going to go back and you're going to watch your husband deal with harsh realities.
So am I. I'm going to go back and watch Gracie deal with harsh realities. That's the way it is. But we don't have to do it alone. And we don't have to do it without any hope. And we anchor ourselves back in the fundamental that there is a Baum and Gilead. That Baum, that soothing Baum would recognize this is not the end of the story.
And it is necessary for you to do to keep yourself healthy this and for you to be able to breathe and offer him the comfort that you want to be able to do it but you can't do it on an empty tank. Yeah. And so are you involved in a good church situation? Yes I am. Good.
That's good. Does your pastor know what you guys are going through? I believe so. Yes.
Yes. He'll come and talk to my husband sometimes. He's a good friend. Does he know what you're going through? I don't know that he understands it himself but. Well ask him to listen to my show.
Okay. And I'll help give him the vocabulary. I'm on a real passion mission here to help pastors understand the vocabulary of what it looks like and sounds like to talk to a caregiver. Because a lot of times they don't.
They'll come and visit your husband but you're there too. And it's hard to sit in a pew while everybody else is singing victory in Jesus and you're thinking I don't get it. I understand that. And so I wanted to just to you know have that conversation with you and just keep you on a little bit longer just so you just have another voice that just says to you hey you know what you know you're not alone in this and here's how I've I've learned here's what I've learned through it and here's what I'm learning through it.
And by the way my audio book I'm not trying to oversell something it's it's less than the price of a happy meal but you get the audio book of hope for the caregiver and download it and just listen to it. And it's short chapters none of these things I do are complex. They're easy to read, easy to understand. They're written for people who are in the midst of craziness that don't have time to read war and peace. They're living through too much war.
There ain't much peace. And so I wanted to be able to provide things in my blog post and the music that I have out there. Take advantage of it Lori. Just take advantage of it and just keep listening to the show. The podcast is free.
Download it. You know what this whole conversation we'll put it out there on the podcast a little later and you can listen to yourself and me have this conversation. I love your book hope for the caregiver. It is it is very helpful.
Well thank you and I it was I remember when I turned that into the publisher the final manuscript and I said and I thank them because I said this is going to help other people who are in such despair. They're so discouraged. They feel so cut off. They feel so ignored. They feel so alone and I'm on a mission to let them know that they're not.
And we are we are I can't count how many people have asked me about my wife Gracie over the years but I can count the ones that ask about me. Then I bet you're the same way aren't you? Yes I I have problems sometimes. I go to church but I usually go late and and leave before the people come out because to be honest it bothers me. They all say how is your your husband how is he doing and I just it that overwhelms me. I you know how do I tell them oh he's worse you know and see that look on their face. Sometimes I give stock answers to people that are not really within my certain circle and I'll say you know you know she's she's doing better than she was but she's not where she'd like to be kind of thing or whatever I need to say to be able to kind of exit around because I don't need to read out her chart to every just everybody. I'm too much out in the public eye and so is she for me to sit there and give an itemized list of what she's going through and and you don't need to do that either but you do need to have you do need to cultivate those friends around you that that you can share those things with. Yes yes that it that it's that it's a safe environment for you to do so support groups and things like that counseling I recommend you know all those kinds of things are available that are available all those kinds of things are available that I would recommend and are worthy of your time and doing and you know what you can always call in here because my first question to you is always going to be how are you feeling I know your husband's in pain I know he his situation I can almost you know describe it for you an uncannily describe it for you because I've lived with it so long and it's not that I don't care about him but I know that he doesn't have much of a fighting chance at all if you're in a bad place yeah and this is your time just to kind of just say I need somebody to let me know I'm not going nuts yeah and you know what you're not what you're dealing with you understand I do but more than I understand he understands yeah he really does and he is not unsympathetic to this he is not uncaring and he is not unaware and he is not unavailable in this and every one of his promises means something it's not going to come in the time frame that we always want it to be but that's when we go back to the fundamentals for this we know that truly all these things do work together for good to those who love God are called according to his purposes that's a hard scripture for those of us who are watching this but we can anchor ourselves in that knowing that okay he who began a good work in us is faithful to complete it to the day of Christ Jesus and those scars in his hands mean something your husband's injuries my wife's scars all of her body those things are not permanent one day she will have all of this taken away from her but his scars are permanent and those scars mean something and in those bleak moments when you are just you you're just pulling your hair out you you are you you just truly can't don't feel like you can go on I want you to I want you to remember that that his scarred hand is holding on to your scared hand I promise you it is and you call anytime you want Laurie okay okay thank you so much chronic pain spouses we we have our own unique languages with chronic pain spouses and so you call anytime you want and I'm it means so much that you took the time to trust us with your pain this morning okay okay thank you thank you Laurie
Whisper: medium.en / 2024-01-22 11:37:16 / 2024-01-22 11:45:39 / 8