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"Honoring your mother and father" doesn't mean honoring alcoholism, addiction, or Alzheimer's.

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
July 26, 2019 8:38 pm

"Honoring your mother and father" doesn't mean honoring alcoholism, addiction, or Alzheimer's.

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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July 26, 2019 8:38 pm

"I'm going to swerve into something today that I've been stewing on for a while ..."

That's how we started the July 20, 2019 show, and we tackled families struggling with addiction (alcoholism). I said to a young man recently, "Honour thy father and thy mother.." (Exodus 12:20) DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO HONOR THE IMPAIRMENT!

When dealing with an addiction issue, family members all too often (and sadly) place themselves in bondage trying to enable.

The disease of addiction is a family disease, and will take everyone with it ...if allowed. Alzheimer's has no mercy ...and will crush everyone around an impaired loved one  ...if allowed.  Caregivers will sadly take so much abuse into their heart as they listen to a disease speak with the voice of a someone they love. 

But it's  the disease, not your mother, father, spouse, etc.!

Yet, so many struggle, often painfully, with tremendous sense of guilt while mistakenly honoring a disease or impairment instead of the parent or loved one.

We spend a good bit of time on this issue in today's show. Share this show with someone you know who is struggling with this. 

if you're in a relationship with someone struggling with addiction/alcoholism, here is a helpful resource. 

https://al-anon.org/

Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope. If this show is helpful to you, we invite you to help sponsor this through a tax-deductible gift.  www.standingwithhope.com/giving 

 

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Welcome to Hope for the Caregiver on American Family Radio.

This is Peter Rosenberger and I am so glad that you're with us. This is a show for the family caregiver. For those who are putting themselves knowingly and willingly, and sometimes while grinding their teeth between an impaired loved one, an even worse disaster. How do you help the family caregiver? Why should you help the family caregiver?

What does that look like? 168 hours in the week. This one is for the family caregiver. For those who are truly coming apart at the seams while they're putting themselves in, sometimes in harm's way, with someone who is dealing with a chronic impairment. I'm your host, Peter Rosenberger, and I'm glad that you're with us.

888-589-8840. 888-589-8840 if you want to be a part of the show and we would welcome that. I'm going to swerve into something today that I have been stewing on for a while and we're just going to jump right into it. But first let me just give a little bit more understanding of what this show is all about.

Because I don't want there to be any kind of misconception. There are a lot of different shows out there for politics, and sports, and relationships, and Bible teaching, and so forth. This show is for a group of individuals, and there are a lot of us, who are caring for someone with a chronic impairment. It's not hope for the parent, it's hope for the caregiver. Now sometimes if you're a parent you feel like you're being a caregiver, but you're not. That's not what this is about because those children, there is the expectancy that they're going to grow up, get wiser, get smarter, and more independent. But when you're a caregiver, you know that your loved one is not going to.

They are going to deal with this impairment and it most likely will get worse. And it's going to be, for some it's going to be a lifetime commitment. For others it'll be a short-term commitment.

Either way it is a commitment, and it is a painful one at times. When you're dealing with Alzheimer's, when you're dealing with Parkinson's, when you're dealing with a child with special needs with autism, when you're dealing with all those different types of things, traumatic issues. In my case, a wife who has severe trauma, this has been going on since the car wreck she had back in 83, and to date over 80 surgeries, both legs amputated, 100 doctors, 12 hospitals, 7 insurance companies, $11 million.

I mean it just keeps growing, and it doesn't show any signs of slowing down. How do you keep your head on straight with this? What's your theology like in something like this? And when you deal with somebody in chronic pain. And then one of the things that separate this show out from others is that we also are committed to those who are struggling with a loved one who has an alcoholism or addiction issue.

That's a chronic impairment. And even if they get into a recovery program, they're still going to be dealing with this. Addiction is one of those crazy diseases that convinces you that you don't have it. And you'll hear this a lot from people who are active in their addiction. Oh, I can stop anytime I want to.

I've stopped four times, that kind of stuff. And it's one of those things that the person has to be walking in some type of recovery program. And the family members need to understand this. And they have to be walking to some kind of recovery program in order to successfully navigate this.

It'll take you down in some dark places. And so I was talking with a friend last night, and that's what I want to get into this morning, who is, his father's going through, he's an alcoholic, and he's going through some brutal realities. And the family is just, they don't know what to do. And I told him something, and I want to just say this to you all and let you just listen to it.

Chew on it, see what you think. But I come from the standpoint that honoring your father and mother, that thy days may be long in the land that the Lord gives you. That's the scripture. But honoring your father and mother does not mean honoring their impairment. You don't have to honor alcoholism. You don't have to honor autism. You can honor your father and mother by caring for what they've become, but you don't have to enable it. And you don't have to engage with the addiction. You don't have to engage with that impairment. And you may not be able to engage with them because it covers them up so much, particularly for something like Alzheimer's. But when you're dealing with an addiction issue, for example, and feel free, I'd love to hear what you have to say about this, 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840. But I have seen too many people now who are in bondage trying to somehow enable and thinking that they're loving, but they're not.

They're enabling. And this is what I was saying to this young man yesterday about his dad. And I said, you're going to have to detach from that. You don't have to sever from it. That's amputation.

You don't have to sever from it, but you do need to detach from it and recognize that this disease of addiction is going to, it's a family disease. It will take everybody down with it. It has no mercy. Alzheimer's has no mercy.

None of these things have mercy. These are afflictions. And we have to be smart on how we deal with it. And if we're coddling them, if we're enabling them, if we are doing these kinds, I don't know any better word than enabling, then it's just going to perpetuate it. If we try to soften their blow, they're never going to reach rock bottom and then reach for a savior.

It's mighty difficult to reach for a savior that you don't think you need. And that's what sometimes addiction will do. Now with Alzheimer's, it's a different setup. They're not, they're not in that same kind of path, but at the same time, they're going to say things to you in the midst of their affliction. Their mind is being messed with by a disease. And they're going to say things to you that are painful, that are hard.

They're going to, they're going to lash out at you, curse at you, all those kinds of things. And what this show is designed to do is to help you detach from that a bit so that you're not taking that into your spirit. You're not taking that into your heart. This show is for the heart of a caregiver. I am not going to spend any time on this show teaching you how to care give because I can't take care of your loved one anymore than you can take care of mine.

But what I can do is speak to the trauma that's in your own heart and help you navigate through these things to a place of safety. We're not going to take it away. You cannot make my wife's legs grow back. You cannot take away her considerable pain that she lives with every day. It's relentless.

You can't do that. But what you and I can do together is that we can strengthen each other along the journey, help adjust this pack that we carry, bear one another's burdens, as it says in scripture, so that we're not slugging through this all by ourselves, beaten down day after day, and then get to the point where we just collapse. Because think about it, as a caregiver, what happens to your loved one if you go down? Who's next in line to take care of them?

And you, for that matter. It's not just if you die, it's if you collapse financially, emotionally. You stroke out.

How's your blood pressure? All these things matter as a family caregiver. And if you're not actively dealing with this and shoring up these areas, what's the plan when you go down?

That's the question we ask on this show. And our goal is to help you get to a place of safety, get away from some of these quagmires that can just suck you down and push you to a place where you can then catch your breath, take a knee if you have to, and then start developing healthy strategies to get to you on a path to safety and healthiness. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. This is Hope for the Caregiver. You can follow along, by the way, on Hope for the Caregiver on Facebook.

We're streaming live. This is Peter Rosenberger. Welcome back to the show for caregivers about caregivers hosted by a caregiver.

This is Peter Rosenberger. I am so thrilled that you're with us. 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840 if you want to be a part of the show.

Appreciate that coming in with the Imperials and I'm forgiving Russ Taft leading that song out. And I was, I'm doing the show from Montana. We're in Southwest Montana. And I was online. This is how cool technology is. I was sitting out on the deck last Saturday and looking out over the vast valley there in where we are and I was, I was on Facebook, FaceTime with, on my iPad with the engineer back in Tennessee. His name is Chris Latham, Grammy award winning and a great guy.

We were in college together and, and then he was streaming through my laptop. I was streaming the mix of my wife, Gracie and her new duet with Russ Taft. That'll be coming out and we were tweaking some things and I thought my office view was kind of nice that day. I thought that's kind of cool that we could do this and we're doing this all in real time and that song will be available probably, hopefully before Labor Day and we'll put it out there and you can download it. You'll love hearing this. It was a lot of fun to record it and do this with Russ and Gracie and she's got several things. If you want to hear some of the music that she's done, she's a no kidding singer and she does a great job and you can go out to our website at hopeforthecaregiver.com.

Hopeforthecaregiver.com and you can see, listen to some of the music and just learn a little bit more about us. Anyway, we're talking to the issue that a lot of caregivers struggle with and we go with this whole thing of honor your mother and father and we push ourselves to the breaking point. Are you there? Have you done that? Have you pushed yourself to the breaking point in honoring your mother and father and while they are treating you like just garbage and while you're being just beat up, it's so difficult for so many caregivers who are struggling with this and they don't know how to respond because they don't want to say it's their dad, it's their mom and they want to honor them and so what happens is they become a punching bag for the disease or the impairment and particularly when you have a cognitive impairment and when you got something that's going on like a mobility impairment, that's a little different. Even a vision impairment, it's not affecting cognitively or hearing impairment, things such as that but when you have a cognitive impairment, when their brain is affected by something such as dementia, Alzheimer's, addiction, all those kinds of things, traumatic brain injuries. Traumatic brain injuries will change a person and sometimes strokes and things such as that, all these things that can affect the way they process thoughts, when you have that going on, a lot of ugly things can happen in someone's life and the caregiver is right there front and center at ground zero with it and they're taking the brunt of that. Are you taking the brunt of that? Is that where your headspace is right now? Is that what you're dealing with? Because this is where I feel like a lot of the battle is for so many caregivers is they are so demoralized, they are so beaten down and they're trying to do the best they can to honor someone who is just making their life miserable and how do you disassociate from that? How do you detach from that? What does that look like and how do you keep doing this in a way that honors them without you yourself just going under with this?

And one of the things that I do is I just reinforce this over and over and over. You can honor your father, you can honor your mother, but you do not have to honor alcoholism. You do not have to honor addiction. You do not have to honor Alzheimer's. I got a friend whose wife was diagnosed, early diagnosis with Alzheimer's and in his book and he wrote about it.

It's a wonderful book. His name is Carlin Maddox and he refuses to capitalize the word Alzheimer's. Even though it was named after Dr. Alzheimer, he refuses to capitalize it. So every time you see in the book Alzheimer's, it's always in lower case A because he understood that Alzheimer's was doing this to his wife.

His wife was not doing this and that may sound silly. It may sound even trite, but it's not. It's important that we know how to distinguish between the two and that you have to hear with two sets of ears sometimes.

And if their voice is consumed by this, then it's really important that you listen to the whisper of the Holy Spirit and let scripture speak these things to you so that you can recalibrate your own mind. That you're not being sucked into these things and there's a thing when they get it. By the way, if that's where you are, this is a show for you. Don't wait until five minutes before the show is over to call 888-589-8840.

888-589-8840. But what will happen is when you get into these people with these cognitive impairments, particularly with addiction, then what you'll do is you'll get in these tug of wars and they're going to throw out stuff. They want to just hook you into it. Oh, they want to hook you into it. And they're going to manipulate you around. And they've learned to be master manipulators and they can push every button you have.

And if it's your parents, one of the things you'll understand, the reason they can push a lot of your buttons because they sewed them on and they know where these things are and they're going to push it. But when you get in a tug of war, and I want you to think about this for just a minute. When you get into a tug of war, there are two possible outcomes. If you win, you end up on your rear.

If you lose, you end up on your face. Don't get in to a tug of war. Don't pick up the rope.

Just do not pick it up. They're going to throw things out there. They're going to dangle it right in front of your face. They want, oh, they want you to get into them. And they'll take you down every little rabbit trail that you could possibly imagine. And your head will just be swimming. And then all of a sudden you'll turn around and man, you won't know which way is up.

And I'm asking, I'm pleading with you, don't pick up the rope. Remember this phrase we talked about on the Delta doctrine. I was flying out of Atlanta one day on Delta because that's what Delta stands for, duh.

Everything leaves through Atlanta. And the flight attendant comes on and says, hey, put your mask on first, yada, yada, yada. We've all heard that. And we've all heard that talked about with caregivers. And then that's where it stops. A lot of people say, put your mask on first, seat to your own needs. And that's so blah. I hate when people speak in generalities. See, we speak fluid caregiver here. We're going to speak right to the core issue. And so what does it look like to put your mask on first? Well, here's what it looks like when you're dealing with these kinds of things that we're talking about today.

It's WWW, remember those three, WWW, wait, water, walk, wait, don't speak. Don't feel the need to talk. Do not engage with this.

Just wait, bite your tongue and learn to like the taste of blood. Okay. Sometimes you have to say what you need to say, turn your head.

And so they don't see the tears and just not say anything more. No is a complete sentence by the way. And then water, drink to think, just put something in your mouth besides words. Just, just drink some water, some cool water, and then walk. Just take a walk. Just take a walk. Just, just go out five minutes.

If you can't go outside, go to the back of the house. Just walk away. Distance yourself from this.

You don't have to engage with the craziness. Now you're not going to get this right, you know, 100% of the time. You're just not. And if you get it right, think about this in baseball terms. If you put the bat on the ball three out of 10 times, they're going to put you in the hall of fame. You know, you're batting 300.

So you do not have to get this right. Don't put that kind of pressure on yourself. But what you do have to do is protect your heart. What you do have to do is make sure you can breathe because you know what? They may not make it, but you have to. And that sounds harsh and cold, and I don't mean it as such. But, but, but give me a different scenario where it works for you to go down and them still stay around.

How does that work? And so you're in this for the long haul. And it's important that you keep your sanity, that you know where solid ground is, that you know where reality is, because you can get sucked into this thing in a way that is just insane. 888-589-8840.

888-589-8840 if this is where you are. And the reason we do this show is because this is your time to be able to recalibrate your own thoughts, your own headspace. I need to have this on a regular basis.

I don't know anyone that does it. Not only do I have caregiver amnesia, I have gospel amnesia. And I need to be reminded of the gospel.

I need to be reminded of what it means, what the gospel really means. One of the things I say often is that, you know, my wife has a lot of scars on her body from this car wreck. A lot of scars. Her scars are temporary. One day she's not going to have any scars.

She knows that and I know that. Scripture tells us that. But our Savior has scars.

And His scars are eternal. And that means something. It really does. It really means something.

And when you understand that the eternal consequences and the eternal impact of what He did for us on the cross, what that means, it's going to change everything. And then we realize that, okay, this is painful. We're struggling with this. But this is not the end of the story. This is not where this is going to end.

You tracking with me? Because that's the message for us as caregivers right now. Is that we understand, okay, this is not the end of the story. This is not the end of the story.

Not the end of your story. This is Hope for the Caregiver. 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840. This is Peter Rosenberger, Hopeforthecaregiver.com.

We'll be right back. Welcome back to the show for caregivers, about caregivers, hosted by a caregiver. I am Peter Rosenberger bringing you three decades of experience to help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of someone who is not. And we'd love to have you be a part of the show. 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840 if you want to be a part of the show. We're on American Family Radio. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver.

We're so glad that you're with us. And we're talking about honoring your mother and father, honoring your loved one, but not honoring their affliction. You do not have to honor their disease.

You do not have to honor the impairment that you're dealing with. And what does that look like? And how do you handle that? And how are you doing, by the way? And that's why we do the show 888-589-8840. And you can also follow along on Facebook Live.

I had a little bit of a disconnect this morning on that, but we are here and at Hope for the Caregiver on Facebook Live. So let's, Sherry, I want to go to line one here. And I don't know exactly who that is, but we're going to try it anyway. How about that?

Or do we need to do that? I want to hold off. We had some updates this morning on our software. So if you're trying to get through, just hang tight.

Sherry's getting with it 888-589-8840, but there were some software updates. But I want to revisit this thought while we're doing that while she's getting those lines done. I want to revisit what I'm saying about why I'm saying this because I see so many individuals who get trapped in that situation where they are just placating or being a punching bag for somebody who is dealing with an impairment and is just treating them horrendously. And particularly when it comes to addiction issues and alcoholism. And a caregiver is somebody who puts themselves between a chronically impaired loved one and even worse, disaster.

And I get that. But you're not, when it comes to addiction issues, we've got to redefine what worse disaster is. And worse disaster is not hitting rock bottom. Worse disaster is for them to continue taking everybody they love with them down this terrible place. So how does that function with you as a caregiver?

How does that, what does that look like? And it looks like you can love them and care for them, but you do not get to participate in their craziness. If they're in, if you're in the car, picture this, if you're in the car with them and they're driving and they're driving down the wrong side of the road on the interstate, you do not have to stay in the car.

Now, if you tuck and roll and jump out, you're going to get hurt. But they're not, you're not responsible for trying to, you know, make them stop doing it. They're not, they've got the wheel. Your job is to get to safety.

And if they crash, they crash. But there's no need for them to take you with them. And it's sad. And I don't mean that is harsh. That's just the way it is. It's sad.

It's painful. But how does, how does anybody get served if you are taken out in the process? This is what I was telling a friend of mine last night, who's going through this with a family member. How does, how does this improve if he and his family are taken out because of one loved one's refusal to get help for themselves? And if they're not willing to do it, what's your role in this?

That's specifically with alcoholism and addiction. And sometimes you just got to step out of the way and let life take a swing at them. And as painful as it is, and it is, oftentimes there is no other way but that until they cry uncle and say, okay, I surrender.

Where do I need to go? When you're dealing with an impairment such as Alzheimer's or dementia, it's different because there's no path for them to get into a recovery program. It's killing them. And it's robbing their ability to reason and so forth. But the things that are coming out of their mouths at you that are so painful to you, that are so hard for you to hear and understand, those things are soul crushing, but you don't have to take it because you understand that it's not coming from them. It's coming from their dysfunction. And you can separate the person from the disease.

And it's really important to do that. Sally in Tennessee. Sally. Good morning. How are you feeling? Good morning. I'm fine. I just have a question for you.

I have listened to your program a number of times and it has helped a lot to just understand what's going on. But I have a question that I don't think I've heard. I don't think it's been addressed yet. My sister had pancreatic cancer. She lived three years, went through horrific surgeries and all kinds of things, but did very, very well. And her husband was her main caregiver.

And I mean, 24 seven all the time. And basically his life revolved around that he was excellent, absolutely excellent. We went when we could, we lived quite a ways away. But since she passed earlier this year, we haven't heard from him.

And, um, I finally wrote a card and sent it because, um, we tried talking on the phone and that didn't work. Um, haven't heard from my nephew either. And he's a full grown man. He's not a young boy or anything.

And I just wondered, is this a normal thing to happen after someone passes? Or do you think, I mean, I can't think of the thing I did wrong, but I don't know. You didn't do anything wrong. And even if you did, um, it's still his responsibility to let you know, Hey, I'm struggling with this. If you did do something wrong, it's not your responsibility to somehow go and, and, and grovel or anything else like that.

You can assure him that you love him and care for him, but he may just need some space. I mean, listen, what he went through was brutal and he maybe just kind of detox. And I have a theory. Well, I got a theory, Sally.

I got a theory and we've talked about this on the show before. Now I'm still a caregiver. I've been a caregiver for 33 years.

I haven't stopped. So I can't say this from experience. I can only say this from theory, but from the conversation I've had with a lot of people and, and as I've explored this myself, I, I feel that there is a PTSD component to being a caregiver, depending on the situation, of course, but in a situation like what your, what your sister and her husband went through, uh, where it's just a relentless trauma that ends in death. Uh, I, I feel that there's a good case that there is a PTSD component and it takes a, a lot of help to walk someone back from that. When, when they've been doing it 24 seven and they've been immersed in it for all that time, they've lost a sense of connection with the real world at that point and where equilibrium is very difficult to, for them to find.

And I don't personally, I don't think it's possible to do so without external help. Um, and that could be in the form of pastoral counseling, professional counseling, uh, friends and family, but probably going to be involved with some kind of professional counseling because when you go through something of that level of trauma, you look at these, these soldiers that come back with, when that's, when you think of PTSD, you think of military personnel been going through that, um, or do you think of somebody who's gone through a significant trauma? Um, it takes a long time and a lot of help to walk them back. And your brother law may just need a lot of space. He may need a lot of space and he's going to need a lot of grace. What he did was Herculean.

It was, it was immense. And so I think the first thing to do for you might be, first of all, just continue to lift him up in prayer. Prayer, prayer doesn't, prayer is effective. Okay. So continue doing that. How far away do they live? About nine hours.

That's a long ways. And it's, and it's hard until you see each other eye to eye. Um, don't take it personally if he doesn't reach out to you. Yeah.

Okay. He didn't come to Christ until the last few months and a hospice people brought in a minister and he really liked him and he wouldn't listen to me or my sister. He was, you know, sometimes those closest to you just push you harder.

Well, and I get it. But my sister was very strong in Christ. Let me tell you something. It's hard to come to a good, to a belief in a good and loving God when you're watching someone you love die of pancreatic cancer. Let me just say that.

Okay. And that's why, that's why I love the opportunity we have on this show is because we're going to, we're going to wade into that kind of stuff. Um, we're going to go right to the guts of that and, and help people understand what the gospel means in this. Um, because it, you can't just say, well, God loves you.

Well, um, if you're watching somebody who's not a believer and if they're watching their loved one die a horrible death and you keep coming up and saying, God loves you, there's a real disconnect with that. So don't take it, don't take it personally. If he's not wanting to just embrace you guys, he may be struggling on a lot of levels that you just don't even know about. Uh, but be prepared to offer grace when the time does come. Oh, drop, drop him a note and be very specific with it on, on a firm.

Okay. I just told him, yeah, well, and I wrote him a letter during the time she was so ill and I told him, you know, thank you. Um, I told him, I said, I couldn't have done what he did.

And, uh, I would always pray for him and, and be there for him. And, uh, I tried to tell my sister, you know, you guys said she made plans for everything. She had it all worked out except for him, you know, for what's he going to do now. And I said, you know, you are his entire life.

And she looked at me and just really, she didn't understand. I think the cancer does a lot more than just affect certain parts. It affects your mind. How old has it always been together? How old is it?

Um, maybe 72, I think. Okay. When you write him a note, use short sentences and in a short note, don't write one that's front and back on three pages of loose leaf paper.

Yeah. That's very short notes and affirm him, affirm what he's done. Thank him. Uh, he may have resentment for other people, maybe even towards you for not being there with it. Doesn't matter.

Just keep affirming him and keep modeling that for him. Okay. Yeah, I will. And I want to tell you, I have learned so much listening to your show for a long time now. Well, Sally, it means a lot.

We got to go to a break, but thank you so much for that and call back anytime you want. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger and in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated.

I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me, but over time my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with hope for more than a dozen years. We've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people.

On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's standingwithhope.com. I'm Gracie and I am standing with hope. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is timely because it meets us right where we are and addresses the issues of the day.

But you know what? The Gospel of Jesus Christ is very untimely because ultimately it's a message of tomorrow and eternity. So it points you away from today to Jesus Christ who is the same yesterday, today and forever. And in Christ, your best days are always ahead of you. For additional Christian resources from Harry Reeder, download the Briarwood PCA app, available at the App Store, Google Play, Amazon and the Windows Store. In Perspective with Harry Reeder, an outreach of Briarwood Presbyterian Church, Birmingham, Alabama.

For more information, call 205-776-5200 or visit us online at briarwood.org. Welcome back to the show For Caregivers, About Caregivers. Hosted by a caregiver, I am Peter Rosenberger.

Because he lives, we can face tomorrow. That is my wife Gracie and her dear friend Johnny Erickson-Tada. And you can hear that at standingwithhope.com. Standingwithhope.com is the presenting sponsor of this show. It's the ministry Gracie and I founded many years ago. We have two programs, a prosthetic limb outreach for family caregivers.

I'm sorry, prosthetic limb outreach for Gracie's fellow amputees, and then this show for family caregivers. And we would welcome you being a part of that. You can go out right now and look and see and be a part, get our e-letter, sign up for the podcast, which is free. We put the show out there and that's free. And then you can also be a part of supporting what we do, whether it's sponsoring a leg or sponsoring the show. Whatever's on your heart to do, we would welcome your help in getting this word. If you like what you're hearing, if this show has been a source of encouragement to you, help us continue doing it.

And we'd be very, very, very grateful to have you along with us. I also love hearing that little spot from Harry Reader, Pastor Harry Reader. He baptized both of our grandchildren.

So a great guy and his show in perspective that he does a little thing. And so that's a great ministry from Briarwood Presbyterian down in Birmingham. I want to give a shout out to them. So let's let me go back to the phones here. 888-589-8840, 888-589-8840, Kathy in North Carolina. Kathy, good morning. How are you feeling? I'm feeling good.

I feel good. Well, tell me what's on your mind. I have a dear friend who, her 29 year old son passed away this week unexpectedly. And he had addiction problems, but he was doing good over the last few weeks, years. And it was a medical condition, totally unexpected.

And I just want to call him. Thank you so much for your show, because if it had not been for your show, I wouldn't have been able to minister to her over this week. And she was in a unique position with him, even though she had helped encourage him during his addiction problem. She was also not in very good health herself, and he was also a caretaker for her. So she's going to be in a difficult situation right now, because she don't have anybody. But I did encourage her, because of you guys, to seek grief counseling. And I don't believe that God is going to waste this pain in her life. I believe she's going to reach out to others that are hurting, that are in her situation, even though she's limited in mobility and such. So I just really want to thank you. You know, Kathy, I appreciate that very much.

I agree with you. He's not going to waste it. He, you know, our Savior was a carpenter, and he doesn't even waste the sawdust, you know.

He doesn't waste anything. And he is able to use sin sinlessly. It's mind-boggling what God is able to do when he reaches into these horrific sadness and messes and sins and everything else, and weaves together something extraordinary.

It's truly mind-boggling to me. But you look through all of scripture, and that's what you see. And I know that he's not going to waste this. The question is, are we going to waste it?

Are we going to miss an opportunity to be able to see him working in this, or do we have to wait for it to just continue spiraling out of control? And I hope that that's where it is right now with you all and with her and with this whole situation. And go ahead. Tori Ten Boom, she had an analogy of a weaving of a tapestry, correct, that underneath it was just a ball of yarn and a total mess, but when the tapestry was finished on the other side, it was just a beautiful, beautiful artwork. And that's just an encouragement in the time she's going through right now.

Well, it is. And you know, every time I hear her name, and it may have been Edith Shaffer doing that too, but every time I hear the name of Corrie Ten Boom, I can't help but just be moved, because she's the one who led my wife to the Lord when she was a little girl. Really, she is one of my biggest heroes of faith, you know. In Hebrews 11, you know, her name should be in there too, along with countless others. Well, and she's part of that great cloud of witnesses cheering you on right now, Kathy. And you know, but Hebrews also says, remember those who spoke the word of the Lord to you when appropriate, imitate their faith. And I think that God brings people in our lives who have that kind of amazing faith that we can look back on and say, okay, if so-and-so trusted God through their stuff, then that's going to give me the courage to do. And when Gracie had her wreck, she was able to remember back that, you know, if Corrie could trust God through the Holocaust, then I can trust him through this wreck and this loss and this pain. And so God, again, he just, he doesn't waste anything.

He doesn't waste anything, Kathy. And you've been a great reminder of that this morning to bring that to our attention. And I just, I appreciate you listening. I appreciate you calling. You guys are just a blessing, and y'all keep on doing what you're doing. We're going to keep trying. You help us do it more, and you behave yourself today, okay?

I won't do good. Thank you, sir. Appreciate it. Bye-bye.

All right. Donna in California. Donna, good morning, Donna.

How are you feeling? I'm feeling better since I came across your show, sir. I don't know who you are or anything about the show, but I just had to call to say thank you.

Well, you're quite welcome. Let me introduce myself. My name is Peter Rosenberger, and I'm a caregiver, and I've been one for 33 years, and I host the nation's largest radio program for family caregivers. I've written a couple of books on it, and I'm committed to helping caregivers. So that's who I am, and I hope that now makes us friends because we're now introduced.

Yes, sir. I don't know where you were all the years, decades. I was being a caregiver. I have taken care of my family and non-family members.

Like, eight of my siblings were in wheelchairs, and there's only three of us that are not, and I'm never going to be in one. I'm not even leaning towards that way, and it's been a very hard and difficult road, especially without a support system like your books or this radio station, just totally in the Word and crying out for God. But I have to make known your ministry throughout my social media platform because different times what I do is put out prayers for strength and encouragement for caregivers, but I've never heard of a ministry this broad and this meaningful to the public, and I just had to stop everything. People are waiting on me.

I'm like, no, I've got to get to this man and express my appreciation. Well, Donna, I'll be publishing a book this year, and I'd like to extrapolate portions of your teachings in my book, so what I'll do is get a hold of your people to get written permission if that's okay. That would be just fine, and you can all see everything you need to see out at hopeforthecaregiver.com.

My books are out there, our CD, our music, everything is out there, blog posts, everything is there, hopeforthecaregiver.com, and Donna, thank you. Thank you, sir. All right, we'll see you.

Bye. Margie and Marilyn, good morning. How are you feeling, Margie?

I'm not too bad. Well, tell me what's going on with you this morning. Well, I was a caregiver, and I did the best I could, but I have Lyme disease. My Lyme disease was in remission, and the stress from the caregiving caused my disease to come back with a vengeance, and I've been sick now for the year, well, I guess 2017 was when she lived with us, and then 2018 and now 2019 are the bad years. My Lyme disease, I'm just kind of fighting Lyme diseases now. It took my energy.

Well, Margie, unfortunately we're right up against the top of the hour here at the end of the show, but let me get real quick. What are you doing to deal with the stress right now of post-caregiving? I'm not really dealing with the stress of post-caregiving as much as I'm dealing with the Lyme disease itself. All right, have you worked through all the grief of losing your loved one and so forth?

Well, we haven't lost her. We just had to find another place for her to live, and she's living in a very good place, and my husband is very- So you're not under stress of caregiving right now? No. Are you under good, solid medical care?

Yes. All right. But with Lyme, it gets worse before it gets better.

I didn't find somebody until... You can't find Lyme providers very easily, but I found one in October, so I'm kind of working it through now. I guess I'm kind of at a- Keep working through that now. Do what is necessary.

Follow those instructions with it, with whatever they tell you to do. Keep working on that. You know, stress is not going to be your friend on this, so do what you need to do also. Are you exercising? Are you eating well and all those kinds of things?

I'm doing the best I can. You maybe not can fight Lyme disease on your own, but you can fight poor diet and lack of exercise. You could fight that. Yeah.

Well, that's why I was healthy enough to take care of my mother-in-law was because I went on the autoimmune protocol, which is a food plan, and that took me all the way from a modicum of health to healthy, healthy, healthy functioning. Well, let's get back to that. How about that? Yeah. Well, I am.

All right. You're making progress then, and you're doing what you can, and that's the whole point of it is that you've got to continue to... You don't just get to a place where you stop trying to be healthy. Every day is a new opportunity to be healthier. Thank you for calling on that, Margie. I really do appreciate that. This is Hope for the Caregiver. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers, and if you're not healthy, what kind of caregiver are you going to be? Hopeforthecaregiver.com. Be a part of what we're doing. We'll see you next week.
Whisper: medium.en / 2024-01-22 12:26:13 / 2024-01-22 12:44:12 / 18

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