Your husband's issue are NOT more important than yours - they're just different."

Marlene in Indiana.

Marlene, good morning. How are you feeling? Nervous.

What are you nervous about? One thing I do want to say is the lady you talked to earlier, the twin, I am the caregiver and I agree with what you said. We won't ask for any help because we have no idea what we need. We don't have the vocabulary to ask what we need. So let's start with the basics.

Marlene, when's the last time you saw your doctor? He had more issues than me. No, he doesn't. He has different issues than you.

Okay, let's start with that right now. He does not have more issues than you. He has different issues than you.

And some of his issues are a little bit louder than yours, but that doesn't mean that yours aren't important. You tracking with me so far? Yeah. So what did your doctor say about your blood pressure? It was okay. Okay, how about your weight? It's fine.

Alright, what about your cholesterol? It's okay too. Alright, so now we're making some progress here.

We're checking off a list. Okay. Right.

And God bless me. Well, but you've got to take responsibility for your body. Okay. What is your husband diagnosed with? Lung cancer. You can't fight lung cancer, but you can fight high blood pressure.

No. High blood pressure. You can fight cholesterol. You can fight weight gain. You can fight bad diet. Those things you can fight. You cannot fight lung cancer. That's beyond your skill set.

Unless you're a pulmonologist that deals with oncology, that's beyond your skill set. And even then, pretty much every doctor will tell you there's just some things we're not going to be able to fight very well. But we can fight being a jerk. We can fight being bitter.

We can fight these things. And so my next question to you is, are you in a good church situation? Yeah. Does your pastor know what you're going through? Yeah, because I take care of my sister and my mom and my husband.

Okay. So your pastor knows that all those people are in bad shape. Does your pastor know about you? That you're doing all these things?

Yeah, because I was diagnosed in 2011 with cancer, but through the stem cell transplant in 2012, I am in remission. Praise the Lord. All right.

But does your pastor know that you're functioning as a caregiver on this level? Oh, yeah. Okay. They're all concerned about me.

Well, and they should be. Now, let's go to another step. Have you gone to any kind of counseling? No.

Would you be open to it? Well, I just don't have time. And what happens if your head and your heart and your body all start going down a dark path? What happens to these three people that you're taking care of?

I don't know. That's okay. It's all right to cry. If everybody's saying that you might want to listen to it. Now, you said you don't know what help looks like.

This is what help looks like. It looks like you making the hard decision that you're going to have to tell your mom, your sister, your husband, everybody else. Folks, I've got to take an hour and a half to drive over here, sit down with a professional and start getting my head straight and my heart straight because this is too much for me. And if they don't like it, that's fine.

They can get happy in the same shoes they get mad in. But the point is, is if you do not do these things and start on a path towards healthiness yourself, it's only a matter of time before you take this thing into a dark place and take everybody with you. Yeah. You have permission to seek help. Okay.

You not only have permission, you have a mandate to do it. You are no good to anyone else. If you are stroking out, if you are on the verge of collapse, you're no good to anybody that way. And I know it's scary. I know it's scary, Marlene. I know it is.

Yeah. But now there are support groups out there. There are 12 step recovery programs and don't dismiss how important those things are because they are. They are very important and they're very affordable.

And it's your time. And there are a lot of things out there. Don't try to somehow make it work for your situation. There may not be a 12 step recovery group for people who take care of somebody with lung cancer, but there are all kinds of 12 step recovery groups for people who are wrestling with something they cannot control and they're at the verge of breaking down.

But I would start with maybe you can ask your primary care doctor a referral to a good licensed counselor. This is not pastoral counseling. That's important too. And I'm really big fan of this sort of thing with pastors who do this. But when you're dealing with a long term situation, eventually you're going to have to turn it over to people who are trained to deal with the nuances of being a caregiver over a long period of time. And there are people that can do that. And your primary care doctor probably will be able to refer you to one. Okay.

And so that would be a great place to start. Don't try to live out in the wreckage of tomorrow or next week or next year. Let's just live for today. Where are you going right now? You're in the car?

Yes, I am. Where are you going? I'm going to the store, the pharmacy to pick up medicine for my sister.

All right. Now, what are you going to do today? What's your plan for today? I am going back to the hospital to pick up my husband and bring him home.

All right. And where into this point are you going to have any fun today at all? Do anything that has any enjoyment for you? Just to have my husband home. Does that bring you joy to have him home or does it bring more work?

No, it'll be great to have him home. All right. Well, you got this time in the car right now.

This is your time. You're listening to the show. You're just hanging out with me and a whole bunch of people on American Family Radio who are caregivers.

And, you know, somebody told me the other day, they said a lot of people that call, they don't even ask you a question. And I said, let me tell you why people call this show. If you were in a foreign country and nobody spoke your language and all of a sudden you heard somebody speak your language, your ears would immediately perk up and you would just gravitate to that because all of a sudden now you can communicate. When you listen to this show, you hear somebody speaking your language and you can you just perk up.

You say, hey, you're speaking my language. Yes, we are. Every Saturday morning here on American Family Radio, we're live and this is your time. And we want you to be a part of this. I got an audio book out there.

It's very affordable. Get it. Listen to it.

I got a CD. Listen to it. Hope for the caregiver. The podcast is free.

Listen to it. Hope for the caregiver dot com. We're out of time. We've got to go. We'll see you next week. Thanks so much, Marlene, for the call.