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September 6, 2019 6:44 am
Marlene in Indiana struggles as a caregiver for her husband who has lung cancer. Although she cares for her husband, she also helps take care of other family members. Marlene is living in the fear of tomorrow, next week, and next year. We helped point her back to today and a path towards help for her.
Burlington India morning good morning how you feeling all nervous when you nervous about long ago.
I have I one thing I do want to fail.
The lady that you talk to you earlier that when I am the caregiver and I agree with what you said we won't ask for any help, because we have no idea what we need. Will this is we don't we don't know what we do. We don't have the vocabulary to ask what we need to list with the base I Marlene wins last time. So you Dr. when my I don't know in August are that you I am mean something like a dog I'm in. I had another time, but I basically didn't matter because I just 1 mile from anything me know he doesn't has different issues and you okay start with that right now he does not have more issues and you he has different issues you and some of his issues are little bit lower than yours but it doesn't mean that you're so important to track it with me so far. So what did your doctor say about your blood pressure okay okay about your weight right what about your cholesterol okay like to know were making some progress you were checking off the list okay right got will be here in your but you've got to go out into you got take responsibility for your body.
Okay, what is your husband diagnosed with lung you can fight lung cancer, but you can fight high blood pressure, you can fight cholesterol you could fight weight gain. You can fight bad diet those things you can fight.
You cannot fight lung cancer that's beyond your skill set, unless your pulmonologist that deals with oncology that's beyond your skill set. Even then prematurely doctoral tasers are some things were not will be able to fight very well, but we can fight me to jerk we could fight being bitter we can fight these things and and so my next question to you is are you a good church situation afternoon by does your pastor know about going through my mom and my okay so your pastor knows that all those people are in bad shape as your pastor know, but you that you're doing all these things I diagnosed in 2011 but about transplant in 2012. I am in remission. Pray the Lord I does your pastor knows your functioning as a caregiver on this level. I okay are all concerned about me. Well, they should be. Now let's get another step you begun any kind counseling well. Would you be open to it not time in what happens if you what happens if you're hid in your heart in your body all start going down a dark path what happens. These three people that you're taking care of. I if every dissipates are to cry if everybody saying you might want to listen to it now. You said you don't know what help. Looks like this is what help. Looks like it looks like you making the hard decision that you have to tell your mom, your sister you husband arabesque folks. I gotta take an hour and 1/2 drive over here. Sit down with the professional and start getting some my head straight in my heart straight because this is too much for me and if they don't like it that's fine they can get they get happy. The same shoes and get Maddie and but the point is is if you do not do these things and start on a path towards healthiness yourself. It's only a matter of time before you take this thing into a dark place and take everybody with you.
You have permission to seek help.
Okay you don't have permission, you have a mandate to do it.
You are no good to anyone else. If you are stroking out.
If you are on the verge of collapse. You no good to anybody that way and I know it's scary. I know it's scary morning I notice, but now there are support groups out there there. 12 step recovery programs and don't dismiss how important those things are because they are very important and they're very affordable and it's your time there a lot of things out there don't try to somehow make it work for your situation. There may not be a 12 step recovery group for people take care of somebody with lung cancer, but there are all kinds of twisted recovery groups for people who are wrestling with something they cannot control and at the verge of breaking down, but I would start with. Maybe you can ask your primary care doctor referral to a good licensed counselor.
This is not a pastoral counseling that's important to have a really big fan of the sort of thing with pastors who do this but but but when you deal with a long-term situation eventually would have to try and turn it over to people who are trained to deal with the nuances of of this kind of of being a caregiver over a long period of time and there people that can do that in your primary care doctor probably will be able to refer you to what and and so that that would be a great place to start. Don't trot, don't try to live out the wreckage of tomorrow or next week or next year was to slip for today. What were you going right now you're in a car where you going, I'm going to pick up my I know what you going to do today with with what you plan for today.
Back to the hospital to pick up.
I am wearing this point you could have any fun today at all do anything that has any enjoyment for you know that bring you joy to have him home or to work now okay I will you get this time in the car right now. This is your time you listening the show your beer just hanging out with with me the whole bunch of people American family radio her caregivers and you know somebody told me the other day.
The signal a lot of people to call.
They don't even ask you a question I salinity what people call the show if you were in a foreign country and nobody spoke your language and also you heard somebody speak your language. Your ears would immediately perk up and you wouldst just gravitate to that because all the sudden that you can communicate when you listen to the show. You hear somebody speaking your language and you can you just perk up his behavior speak about language. Yes, we are every Saturday morning here in American family radio were live in. This is your time and we want you to be a part of this I got a audiobook out there.
It's very affordable. Get it listen to it. I got a CD. Listen to it hope for the care of the podcast is free. Listen to hope for the caregiver.com or at a time of gotta go will see you next week. Thanks so much morning for the call