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The Obligation Trap for Family Caregivers.

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger
The Truth Network Radio
September 7, 2019 3:46 pm

The Obligation Trap for Family Caregivers.

Hope for the Caregiver / Peter Rosenberger

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September 7, 2019 3:46 pm

From HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER:  Sept 9, 2019


“I’ve Got To…,” “I Need to…,” “You Don’t Understand, I Have To….” “It’s My Obligation to …”

These are all statements made by all caregivers at some point, and, sadly, all too frequently.  The feeling of obligation drives us to push ourselves to dangerous stress levels for our health, finances, and emotional stability.  The way we can push back is to recognize that we don’t own the problem.  Think about it, did you cause the problem?  Can you fix this issue?

Stewardship Vs. Obligation

Feeling obligated can quickly take us into resentment, which will only compromise our ability to live healthy lives, as well as serve as healthy caregivers. In reality, as caregivers, we’re stewards and powerless to fix the suffering of our loved ones.  Instead of owning the problem, we can instead own the concept of stewardship.  Doing so frees us to accept we are doing the best we can with what we have.

Furthermore, adopting an attitude of stewardship, helps us breathe easier and treat ourselves with mercy—all of which equips us to be a better caregiver.


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Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger
Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger
Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger
Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger
Hope for the Caregiver
Peter Rosenberger

I hope the caregiver on American family radio, this is those who put themselves voluntarily everyday between somebody who has an impairment, and even worse disaster how to help those people. Why should you, what does it look like to help those people. That's what this shows about IP Rosenberger. I'm your host and we are glad that you're here maybe you're taking care of someone maybe you are a parent of a special needs child child with autism or Down syndrome or spina bifida or cerebral palsy or a host of other things. Maybe your spouse is having some issues that you have a deal with your parents are aging are dealing with Alzheimer's or Parkinson's, or other types of afflictions maybe get somebody in your family was an alcoholic or an addict. You know that's a chronic impairment and where you have a chronic impairment you get a caregiver and how do you help the caregiver what he help her get your what is it look like to help a caregiver. We speak fluent caregiver here and we understand that there are 65 million people right now doing this accepting the numbers even higher and they are in every part of our society and yet they go often overlooked and they're not there needs are not being addressed. You can't fix the problem and a lot of times caregivers will think this I know up of thought. This if we can just get to such and such that it will be okay if we can just stop this, then it'll be a we can get back to normal and I'm here to tell you that know it doesn't work that way. And even if your loved one passes away, you're going to deal with the reality of your journey as a caregiver for a long time maybe a lifetime because it shapes you change issue. It brings things out in your life that you may not want to see that we got a deal with and this shows their hundred 68 hours in the week.

This the one hour that you can hear this show on American family radio you will be part of the show. It's 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 and we'd love to have you on the show done last week I talked about fear.

That's a big issue for characters part of a series of doing call the fog of caregivers FOG the fog of caregivers in the fog of caregivers is fear obligation and guilt and will we get into those things we get so disoriented and it starts affecting every part of our life and so we want to come to help the tangled and inhabited what you do when you see a fog and you're driving out of what was the first thing you do will you slow down. That's the whole point of you slow down as was caregivers. We need to slow down were running at 90 miles an hour with her hair on fire and thinking that if we don't do this this this this this this whole thing is going to come unglued and remind what is good come unglued to matter what you really do anyway this is not something that you have control over. We have to learn to adapt to it. We have to learn how to just function in it and not be a situation where we are. We feel like we got to just race through this you don't do this in your car. You don't do this in an airplane you don't do this in a boat we come to fog you go slow will love caregivers will hit a fog and they'll just turn on the bright lights and then just florid because we gotta get through this. That's what they think that's what I thought and we end up getting hurt and we end up hurting. Those were taking care of so last week we talk about fear which is a big issue for caregivers and we have things we deal with that her fear were the there there legitimate things that were afraid of in it in and we can hold a stack of bills. We can see that that's tangible we could see the hospital we could see the behavior, we could see our love one staring out the window. We can see her and experience are our special needs child going into multiple seizures in the knees are very frightening. Thanks. We can't always see the hand of God moving in this and that's what we need to help each other with the sea perspective to gain a sense of perspective so that we are not terribly afraid of these things and we can live calmly knowing that we have a Savior that this makes sense to know I've had 80 surgeries.

Both legs amputated that all this is from a car wreck. She had back in 83 somehow in God's economy. This makes sense to him does make sense to me but it makes sense to him and I I'm left with the choice of whether or not under the trust. Now how do we know we can trust what I let's look at his scars. I see my wife's cardboard by his scars and the scars on his hands, his feet what those mean one of those mean in the context of what I'm dealing with is a caregiver.

I realize that you her scars are temporary, they are not here for the rest of her life and in eternity just on this planet.

But his scars. That's a whole different thing about you where's your headspace on that. And in this these are the things that we want to talk about and flush out on this show so that you're in a situation where you were not floundering around in this fog all by yourself today were to get into obligation melt obligation is a just a cruel taskmaster and it it is it is done more to cripple caregivers in it. In that will will get into this but will start with the Scriptures.

Also, if you will watch a show on Facebook love you. Welcome to do so and all you got to hope the caregiver on Facebook. I hope you take advantage of it and do it give a big shout out to Gracie and I have a dear friend, Kim, and she's in Italy watching and so so you tell us all to tell you that I do shall give the Scripture today and this is in Genesis 215 I were going all the way back to Genesis. The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it in. This is before the fall. Okay, this is before sin crept into the story Adams job was a steward Adams job was a steward. He did not own the garden. He was a steward he was not obligated. He was a steward and here's how you can tell if you're struggling with obligation as a caregiver you use language like I've got to have to am supposed to. I need to.

I should have been. I should do this I should do this. That's how you know that you are skewed in that direction and I want to help change the language a little bit and give you a place that you can go to. That's a safer place for you in your heart. I can't change your circumstances anymore than you can change mine.

But what we can do is better equip each other and strengthen each other for this journey so that we are not in a situation where we are putting all this pressure have got to have me to suffer some of the day and you know she's got a sister who's working with her and in her brothers. Kind of a jerk and and the third living with these promises will we promise mama 40 years ago we were going to put her to home as other obligated now by this promise they made 40 years ago, but life has a way of changing their some things you just can't care for people in a home with me and in your own personal phone you just can't do it you're not really set up for it and and some afflictions will cripple you if you try to do that, but you are beholding to a promise you made 40 years ago when things were not this way life changes and so we have to be good stewards of where we are to be good stewards of our resources financially. Our resources physically our resources emotionally. The family unit. The whole thing to talk about that some more. 888-589-8840 888-589-8840.

This is hopefully caregiver Peter Rosen healthcare better caregivers. They would be right and you can go take a look at more the music we have CD. This could come out next month.

If if her producer to get everything done in time that would be me.

So were releasing songs as singles. All of them will have the CD and if you want to find out more about that.

Go to hopefully hope for the and you can set up for a list will be telling you people about that will be available how to get it. And there's some things you can listen to right now.

And hopefully if you like what you hear on this show. If you're if if you feel like this show has value support. It's right there, you just click on it and there's a thing right there. Hopefully and take a look we are we are unique and what were doing when, how many shows for caregivers. Are there other and this is this is the nation's largest and why shouldn't be. Why should the why shouldn't the church be out in front of this you know there what is the world have to offer to a caregiver Be blunt, we can give practical stuff of dealing with certain realities like you know logistics and where you can get your ramp made and how to deal with certain finances and and all that stuff and those are important things but that's my world I live with that.

I live somebody with with significant mobility impairments. Get two artificial legs but is that really where the battle is for caregivers that excel in this 33 years of this talking battle for caregivers is the dumpster fire that's in our heart because were not to make good decisions about a ramp about healthcare needs about changing the dressing about dealing with this. Of this, whatever. If her heart is a Rick and so what this show does it speak directly to those issues and then if your heart is in a healthier place.

Guess what it's going to extend to the rest of you in my book 7 caregiver landmines I go through these things that cause so many caregivers. Such heartache what we we fail to see her own doctors week we get into excessive weight gain. Look around you see it. Maybe your there were a lot of caregivers I've seen. I just was with some of this. This week was pushing a wheelchair with her loved one who was blind in a bilateral amputee diabetes and this woman was pushing and she was morbidly obese morbidly obese dangerously obese excessive weight gain is one of those limits. 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 and in this, the whole point of the show was to help direct you to a place of safety and will be getting that fog of caregivers fear obligation guilt, fear, obligation, guilt fog of Tigger just remembers hang on to that and understand what I'm saying here. At least a heartache anger turmoil but altogether says fog had that was a 70s bank of the late 70s music and their number one hit was slow rise hopefully big sister slow down and let's slow down together. We go back to Genesis 215. The Lord God took man and put him in the garden having to work it and keep it. He was a steward stewardship. That's not a word we talked about a lot in our society were $22 trillion in debt. Clearly we look at Washington and you this stewardship is not a word you see with Washington or any of our elected officials for that matter when hemi balanced budgets are there out there so were not really good stewards in our society were not good stewards of our resources but is caregivers are we good stewards of ourselves. Are you a good steward of yourself or you pushing yourself to the breaking point. Until this thing gets better or worse. And then you can rest after that. After the funerals when you go to probably look at taking care of yourself is that the way you're thinking. That's why a lot of people do. I've done that I push myself to the absolute breaking point and then it also dawned on me that you know this this thing snugly anytime soon is for all the things my wife is been through in the returns we have faced death significantly.

Many times, but she's she's pretty hearty when girl until she suffered train smoke and he started Donna me that maybe this girl could outlive me. So I gotta change the way I think about this and that obligation cripples us from doing what it does is it leads to resentment I mean when you start getting into the obligation world of I've got to I have to I must I should I need to be doing this. It takes about two seconds to start developing resentment.

How many you all are dealing with resentment right now.

I mean resentment not not just not just a feeling of this is just frustrating without, just deep-seated resentment of a family member who's not helping of a parent who died and left you with this mess at yourself for getting into it at God.

Hemi will deal with it as a caregiver. I can promise you. You do this long enough you to deal with resentment and my goal my vision my passion for myself and my fellow caregivers that when we stand in a grave one day.

One day that were the one standing at the great that we are living in a healthy enough life that we could outlive this can ensure it but we can try to live and be better stewards of her own body so that we can, but will we stand at that grave that were not standing there with Clint's fist at ourselves and our loved one at our pastor, church or family or friends, cousins, neighbors, or God. We can learn to live peacefully with this. You think you can do that. Scripture says we can go with that. This is not my opinion. I try to avoid. My opinion is much as possible. I don't even care about my opinion but I really care about God's opinion in his opinion is that we can. If you look through all of Scripture. Be still and know don't be afraid and in and translating into southern lingo would be your Summerdale settlement chiller be cool I got this mess was saying to Scripture, all Scripture do we trust him with that we trust him with that. When our loved one is going into a seizure or groaning in so much pain, or just looking out the window staring off into space somewhere drooling or can't remember her name. Do you trust with that when you're taking care of somebody your wife in the bottom and there cursing at you telling then everyone liked you or you taking care of the of the man that abused you when you were a child.

This is where the heart of a caregiver is and this is what I believe is the real battle, and if we can speak life into that heart that all these other things got a fair chance of really going down a healthier path, but if your heart is just a mess. How in the world.

You can make good financial decisions, relationship decisions, health decisions, professional decisions, you get the benefit of a guy that is the crash test dummy of caregivers who's had over three day almost 3 1/2 decades to make every kind of mistake you can make.

Been there, done that. Still doing it. Got the T-shirt and so how determine I said you know what I'm going to lay it all out there from a fellow caregivers so that they have somebody that can point them to safety whatever safety look, we can find for you with that point and sometimes you go think well safety is not for the symptoms to stop doing this safety is not for mama to stop acting this way that's not safety. That's just reality. Safety is for you to be in a place where you can deal with that from a healthier place from a healthy point of view from a healthier heart place safety is in the hand of God.

Are you in the hand of God.

You understand what that means. Do understand that that he has not up there just smacking his four head thinking oh my goodness, what has she done that is not the way God works go to Scripture. Don't take my word for look at his word. My pastor tells me this often if explored at all is Lord of all, I want to just hang onto that from you were dealing with grown-up theology here. We don't deal with all this pablum that you see spread across a lot of places in our culture you know people that want to have a cheerleading pep rally for God, stuff and work so well for us is caregivers where were the ones that while everybody also sing and victory Jesus were the ones over there just groaning said how can this be, we would like to think that we are not, but in reality were a lot like when Jesus was took his time getting to Lazarus and he died and he shows up there and and Mary Martha Mattingly said you know if you been here when you come selling their pretty resentful Jesus, and they didn't get it until Lazarus walked out of the tomb, but at the time it didn't make any sense to and why would Jesus allow them to go through all that kind of grief didn't make much sense. Sometimes it still doesn't make sense and there's some things that are not going to make sense and people. For whatever reason, and church folk up and out.

Maybe another, been there done that but a lot of church folk want to come out and try to tell you what God is doing what he's doing in your life. Give those people wide birth because they don't know they haven't been there there just trying to figure it out in their own mind and then you put it on you.

You have my permission to walk away from them. If you need someone's permission just as a fellow caregivers say no you are not obligated to do any more than your obligated to this other stuff its stewardship.

Stewardship is a better word for you as a caregiver. Stewardship is the work for you. Are you been a good steward right now of your own heart. Can you brief 888-589-8840 888-589-8840. This is hopefully caregiver this is Peter Rosenberg will be right back caregivers about caregivers hosted by caregiver this Rosenberg. I'm glad you 88858 948-885-8988 four Ella is running Labor Day about himself was Montana and I got held in the Churchill used to say there's something about the outside of the horse that helps the inside of a man in a love that gloated when you're sitting on a horse up the mountains of Montana. Yeah it does.

And so it's that's that's what I do for me as a caregiver.

I just I get outdoors and just catch my breath. You know and and it was was a gorgeous day and I'm crossing creeks in the mountains and and every now and then you came as I drove in this morning I'm doing the at the show from Madison Valley Baptist Church. In this Montana were also served as music director and others all, dear.

On the way down and it was just is just I love I love the outdoors and there's a chill in the air so it's about that time, years under the rusty guests in the South where I'm from, or sweltering, but I'll them to wear a jacket this morning. It was little chilly but that's a little side note for me so far about that and I'm sorry that you guys are so hot will pay for the winter time I hear winters get a little exciting all right 888-589-8840 888-589-8840. This is hopefully caregiver hundred 68 hours in the week, this hour is yours on American family radio and we take the time to be able to unpack. What's going on in your heart will talk about obligation today. Part of what I call the fog of caregivers fear obligation and guilt, and last week we talked about fear and how it is peerless experienced torment obligation is a terrible taskmaster and it lead to resentment. I learned about resentment a lot of waste with it in and him as a pianist.

I'm pianist up in a pianist since I was about five and I learned that you can't play a piano with clinched fist. You just can't do it. You can't push a wheelchair with clinched fist tried some time not within a minute take the wheelchair by yourself into it, but try pushing a wheelchair with clinched fist can't do in order for me to make beautiful music. I have to loose my hand and let music flat to let it go so that music can flow out of my hand would let you what kind of music is not coming from you.

What kind of beauty is not coming from you because your hands are so clinched know what what what's being stifled in your life because of resentment because of obligation because you feel this. I've got to I have to I need to I should be doing this, I should be doing this I'm supposed to be doing this as opposed to God has placed me here is a steward he owns it.

I do not do this will test for myself and for fellow caregivers that will got your hands if you're driving permit tenant to you can see them very easy. There is a chance. How many here see nail prints if you don't see nail prints than this is not yours to fix is really important for us to remember that is caregivers. I can't run do what happened to my wife. I didn't cause it, and I can't undo it. Both legs amputated. I don't have any power over that she's in severe pain all the time I have any power of that you can't undo Alzheimer's. You cannot do undo Parkinson's. You can't make somebody stop drinking.

You can't make somebody stop putting drugs in their body. You can't undo cerebral palsy or autism.

These are things that you cannot undo that's not your job. And once we understand what our role is in this it freezes up so that were not putting this undue pressure on herself. This this crazy pressure. Somehow we got to fix all this. Somehow we got to make all this thing right because we can't that's not our position to do that we are stewards and if you accept the role of steward in your journey as a caregiver. You can find that you can live a little more peacefully in this that you are not somehow putting yourself in this craziness of trying to fix something that you have no power to do you do the best you can. 888-589-8840 888-589-8840 James in Texas, James, are you feeling your good morning are you feeling, James very well. Peter well. Glad to hear what's on your mind. I hear for you this morning.

I am now. I care receiver not really grateful to God for you and for all who hear my voice clear. I'm grateful I feel grateful to my first message. Thank you for that James appreciate that what your second message for years. My wife and I were caregiver for her parents. My wife's parents and we prepared our home to receive them into our home. I found that it would be just too great a track so our decision was we put them in a nursing home as close as we could and my wife. Every single day and give their wash and Dan became too heavy for her.

So she and her sister arranged between two battling each other off every other day and they would take care of it. Take care being not all Dave might create stretches of every day in the nursing home where with her parents will delete tell me what you are doing that doing during that time.

Well I II was very busy in a ministry how the field director in a church planter here in Dallas and and black eye. I the home at least once a week and work on time in providing 589. The director and personnel to have a a service for the residents who wanted to come how to change the relationship with you and your wife's while she was taking care of her parents. What was what were you doing to help take care of her during that I would not. I went in her eye. We always spent time together every day to help. Did you have to learn to help with the laundry and cooking and grocery shopping and all that kind of stuff. Well the thing is, we didn't have any little children were her own. Okay and years when we when we put her parents in the nursing home. We were relieved of everything but the laundry but one of things I talked about is the men to learn to do the laundry while their wives are taking care of the parents and the the laundry idea that's it's it's a great idea and it's not is not complicated because I've learned James admin can somehow figure out fantasy football but the can't figure out the cold in the warm in the hot cycle of the laundry and in that the iron is not some kind of magical device you could plug it in and it works and you do different settings based on what kind of clothing you doing and then stocking the pantry is learning how to cook heart healthy meals. These are all part of the journey for us is caregivers of particular men and that I hear a lot amended so that you don't don't don't have any clue on that stuff.

So I'm on a mission to help men learn how to do laundry. It's not that complicated and certainly not as complicated as some of the things that we men choose to do and but I'm glad that your you're seeing the value of what were trying to do with caregivers. Now that your position were somebody's caring for you and and so that's that's that's very meaningful and lavish. It was meaningful to you.

James really Peter, I have the advantage of being ready on the mission field. Who God made cook and wash my clothes and to do all this, so I really got writing. Where did you. Serve in the Belgian Congo home mercy will we work over in the West Africa with a prosthetic limb ministry that Gracie found when she wanted to put prosthetic limbs or fellow entities. We work over in Ghana. Good ways away from the Congo are in the my will. James is not know a wonderful thing for care receiver could be to be occupied with other people will I think so and appreciate your calling on this James and appreciate you just give the good word on that you keep listening and thank you very much and you stay healthy. Okay, who's taken by the way, who's taking care of you as your care receiver who was taking care of you. My thunder and I tried to care of Rackley how all of my need, but I'm living with my sorry well how's he doing great. Will you tell him that that I said hello and he's welcome to call in the show anytime he wants. Then you are to forget her but but would love to hear from him and maybe he has some thoughts he like to share with other folks as he's a doing some these things with James appreciate very much you take the time to call you behave yourself all right. You do this funerals where this is hope for the caregiver. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregivers sometimes become noticeable as long you know for you men out there particular pastors if if your wife is taking care of her aging parents and their dying world buying some little but if they're in bad shape and she stretched pretty thin. If you need some tips on doing the laundry called 888-589-8840 give me an excuse of why you don't do the laundry going call me on that.

Glad you feel that collating 58 hey this Peter Rosenberger never helped somebody walk for the first time I've had that privilege many times through our organization. Standing with hope when my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs follow this horrible Rick that she had as a teenager and she try to save them for years and if it just wouldn't work out. And finally she relinquished him and thought wow this is that I'm not heavy legs anymore. What can God do with that and then she had this vision for use in prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees and that's what we been doing now since 2005 was standing with hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana and you can be a part of that through supplies through supporting team members through supporting the work that we're doing over there. You could designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you can be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking and standing with would you take a moment ago what to standing with and see how you can give they go walking and leaping and praising God. You could be a part of so for caregivers about caregivers hosted by curator the ski screen. That's the whole reason to do this you put this love in her heart. If you try to do this on your own strength. Well good luck with that. Let me know when you get worn out because of what you back to Christ because that's where the that's where this comes from. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me as a caregiver you try to do this on your own and we can get a we caregivers are high functioning multitaskers release. We think we are and we can push yourself pretty fat we can do a lot of things but it's only a matter of time before we just simply give out steam and how much carnage we can leave in our wake before we realize that ma'am we we we are not equipped for this will really limit what he is and he will equip us to continue doing. We are stewards, we are not obligated. That's the whole point of this conversation were having today about the fog of caregivers. If you want to know more about this. My book is out there. Scott hope for the care of the show was called hope for the gig of the podcast the YouTube channel to everything Facebook page.

It's all hope for the caregiver which is that conviction that we as caregivers can live a calm or healthier and even more joyful life.

While serving as caregivers, we don't have to wait to were done doing this before we can be calmer and healthier in joyful we don't. The book is called hope for the caregiver. Get it today. You can get wherever books are sold. I got several other wants to and and go out to outstanding with you just heard that the ad for Gracie that she's doing for the prosthetic limb, ministry, and is for this radio show as well for the ministry there be a part of it and and and get involved.

What were doing the podcast is free. The letters free all these kinds of things just putting it out there.

What you take advantage of it and if you see valuable doing support tax-deductible gift supported help us do more than a lot of caregivers out there how many voices like this one on the show how many shows like this rather not.

This is it. I'm the guy. So let's go get her some some caregiver, some real help and and I wanted just also back circle back to the sling man.

Women just stop listening for just a minute you'll just don't listen. Men only men listen right now.

Learn to do laundry learn to buy groceries that you don't have to come home with the deer over your shoulder to say hey I've got dinner tonight honey and and bind and and doing dinners that car side to go or take out. Learn to make a heart helping me learn how to stock the pantry. Learn how to clean the bathroom, not by your standards, but by your wife standards and if you need to know what her standards are should tell you, but learn how to do this. Clean the toilets scrub the showers fold the laundry clearly asked her how she likes it folded you women are pretty particular about that sort of thing I've noticed they liked certain things folded a certain way and because they think because we act like we just you know bumbling cavemen.

Sometimes those I will just do it ourselves. I fold laundry I do laundry I iron I cook.

I do all these things and a lot of guys will tell you that the Kindle because they're working another job or doing this while I'm working with so please, please feel free to call the show and tell me why you can't do these things because I that's a conversation I would really like to have with you if you got a really good reason why you cannot clean the toilet.

Please 888-589-8840 888-589-8840. I will put you to the top of the list.

I will hang up at whoever I'm talking to. If you could argue for me why you as an able-bodied man while your wife is taking care of her aging parents are especially child whatever you feel like you somehow can't clean the toilet or do the laundry that's conversation, I'd love to have with you. In the meantime, I want to go to it. I think it's Kedah or Kita. Tell me how to pronounce your name before going further to Kedah or Kita Kita are you doing Kita North Carolina good morning how you feeling oh I'm just lovely art.

What what part of North Carolina human like the Raleigh area so you're not affected by the hurricane.

At this point, just a lot of rain. We're okay I will tell me what you got on your mind right. Thank you for whatever I care about the whole idea that we should have got it caregiver that we can't do it on all personally and professionally. I am basically a caregiver, particularly my family.

My mom passed away came out like a caregiver, family, give it up myself emotionally and you know all my professional life on based on what I do clinically. You know, actually getting it again. Gotta take time to back up what I've had to learn how to learn if they know find that in my week when I get the start of above can do it all. When you say no. What happens with the response back when you're telling somebody new law, but when I say no doubt that I'm back in my fellow I've had to grow into not feeling guilty about Mandel and being authentic with my know part of the font back.

I think that part. The people that you and the only thing that always being there for them to find out you still but at the same time they expected. I have defined this pushback from them at the beginning only to be pushed back because the fact that if you're a typo part of a caregiver that always come back your body and you think ever that rollback the strong wind. I get the one hand come through and make sure everything is okay. I think at first people expect that but when you thought that Bentley authentically been amended human about it and not what you get yours. I know where I got my start from her death from above be able to keep going under Notre Dame and I have to do the same thing start to think like that, but you have to character about it you wanted, but the REIT you what you doing what you read. Not what I'm hearing from you is that you training people how to treat you absolutely make about how to treat me get back Kita you are you are an absolute Jew because you have modeled and said beautifully. Everything that wanting people to know was caregivers that it's okay if you don't know is a complete sentence and this is very important for us as caregivers that we got to train ourselves and then we train others on how to treat us. We don't have to be doormats do I want to do some for you. So before you don't you hang up from the skull because I want to let her producer, get your information.

Would you allow me to send you one of my books on hope. Hope for the caregiver, would you allow me to send that to you. Just as a thank you for just such an amazing call this morning.

I just I just love your heart and I love the fact that you are working through these things that I love you to have it with that be all right. Your current you can only get like that you actually want to throw to greatly with the ministry of the plot tell you that the place where we don't know how much of value and hope we can be with a little thing like burnout expert Dr. take care about development allotment where helping out. Once again, we thought that outlining that my goal is that we thought not working so I climbed back know the what it is you and a good church situation. I deftly draw from that.

My favorite band mile ability to stay out all my life in clinical social work, analyte picture and that you go to the top of my favorite Lucy because I love licensed clinical social workers. I think that you guys are the workhorses out there for the mental health industry you are working so hard to do this and that your addiction specialist as well.

I wanted what you do one small favor for me after you're done reading my book. Would you give it to your pastor and and just shared with your pastor why this is important because I will equip pastors on how to speak caregiver lot of pastors don't really know they don't.

It is not is not Mr. their fault is just they haven't been exposed or trained to it and their test with ministering to people that they may not even know how to speak the language doing.

You obviously know how to speak the language and so I want to give you this and I want you just to put it in it. His hands, and if you need more. By the way, I'll be glad to send you mortgages off skull hello I want make sure you have this resource for others because you are doing the work in and up until the Kita what you what you said this morning has really touched my heart and it means a lot because you you get it and and you're doing it and I'm so grateful to know you and you know as you we got just one minute left.

What would you like to say to fellow caregivers that are listing right now.

I know that way you think you all one thing that I noticed that I can count on, the love above beautiful home. I thank you for the key that we gotta go. Don't hang up, get your address of okay building up okay this is hope for the caregiver.

This is Peter Roseburg go to hope for the for more will see you next week

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