Sept 29 2019 Show

Live on Sirius XM Family Talk Channel 131, this is Hope for the Caregiver. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver, for those who are putting themselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse, disaster.

For those who are staying up late at night, doing lots of laundry, back and forth to doctor's office, back and forth to the hospital, back and forth to the rehab center, this is the show for you. There are more than 65 million Americans out there right now who are doing this, who are taking care of an aging parent, a special needs child, a loved one who's had a traumatic accident, who has dealt with some type of debilitating injury or illness, or maybe it's just somebody who has a mental illness. Maybe you're involved in a relationship with somebody who's an alcoholic, that's a chronic impairment, and where you have a chronic impairment, there's a caregiver. Maybe they have an opioid addiction. Maybe you have a child that has some type of affliction like cerebral palsy or things like that, or maybe there's mental illness.

Whatever the affliction, there's a chronic impairment, there is a caregiver. And we are glad to have you with us. I am Peter Rosenberger and I am your host, 877-655-6755. 877-655-6755 if you want to be a part of the show. And this is the nation's largest show for it. And you know, we are so thrilled about this show because caregivers haven't had a voice. Heck, most people don't even see the caregiver.

You know, they ask how the patient is doing, how the loved one is doing, but do they ask about how you are doing. And there are, you know what, 39,480 hours of programming each week on Sirius XM. This is the hour for you as a family caregiver. And we are just thrilled to have you with us. We would also like to introduce my partner in crime here. He has been with me for six long years.

He said it feels like more than twice that long. He is the Baron of the board, the Sultan of sound, the Earl of engineering, the man who put the word care into care package from home. He is John Butler, the count of mighty disco everyone. Hey, Peter, how you doing today? Thank you again for the fantastic intro. And it is just a pleasure to be here with you.

You know what, John? I'm in Southwest Montana. I'm in Southwest Montana.

Prove it. We had, we had snow. We had snow last night, a couple inches of snow and we got more coming.

And you're in Nashville and Ed's in Dallas. Yeah. It was 105 degrees here today. That's when I got in the car. Cause I don't know if you know this or not Peter, but I dressed up today because I was at the flea market.

Of course you were. Yeah. You dress up to go to the flea market in Nashville.

And why wouldn't you? Yeah. Yeah. This is a social event. I mean, every stripe of humanity is represented at the flea market.

And as a matter of fact, because this, I know this is a strange thing to just launch. You'll never find a more wretched hive of villageries. You will never find a more beautiful and diverse cross section of humanity.

It's like the Moss Eisley of, but what's the tip there in Nashville? It was 105 degrees out here today. And it's not now it's I mean, it's cooled off since the sun has started to go down, but it was like, I got out of the flea market where, by the way, I told a lot of people about this show and in your intro, you talked about all of these potential things where someone ends up with or being a caregiver. And I talked about this show at the flea market, which again, the broadest spectrum of humanity that I think you can encounter. And everybody had I'm not everybody of course, but you know, the most of the people I talked to had some story that was related to, oh, you know, we're taking care of my mom-in-law or whatever. And there's always a story.

Yeah, exactly. And you know what I'm going to do, John? I'm going to get a bumper sticker that says, I talked about this show at the flea market. That's fantastic. That's good.

I talked about it, but there is always a story. We need to get some Standing with Hope merch, by the way. We probably do. I think we want John Butler merchandise. That's what we do. I'll hop on the design. I'll put on my designer hat. I listened to the radio for an hour and all I got was a John Butler t-shirt.

Hey, that's a limited edition. Thank you. But I think that you've hit on something that there's always a connection to a caregiver. Somebody is always going to, I mean, it respects no social, economic, racial, religious, anything. I mean, it is an equal opportunity situation for families to go through. This is why we do the show and we are committed to helping point the family caregiver to safety.

And you know, we get, we have a lot of fun on this show. It's not what people think because people immediately always think of nursing homes. And I'm thinking, no, I've been a caregiver since I was 22. You know, I mean, this is not a nursing home issue with me. This is I deal with a wife who had a traumatic injury back in 1983, a car wreck when she was 17 years old, didn't even know her 20 surgeries later, I met her and we fell in love, got married and just an amazing girl. I mean, go out and go and take a look at her on our website at hope for the caregiver.com. But the surgeries kept mounting. Both of her legs end up having to be amputated. We're at 80 surgeries that I can count a hundred doctors that I can count seven different insurance companies and 12 different hospitals.

And it doesn't show any signs of slowing down. And so what does it look like to help somebody like me keep my head in the game? And when I started doing the show, when I wrote my book and all these things I do, I said, okay, what, what's the issue for the family caregiver? Is it just, you know, get a good night's rest, take care of yourself, you know, all the platitudes that I've heard over not that these are bad. All right.

They're not, but it's like, right. You should get enough sleep. Okay. You might as well just tell me to stop and smell the roses. It has just as much specificity.

And so what we wanted to do with this show was to create an environment where we could get very specific with fellow caregivers. Here's what safety looks like. Here's where help is. And here's how you can catch your breath.

Here's how you can take a knee. Here's how you can kind of get your head reoriented and then shift around this incredible load that you're carrying on your shoulders. And this is what it looks like. And if this is a part of your life, this is where you are.

Maybe you've got an aging parent right now. And you just, you know, it's Sunday afternoon. You just left an assisted living, or maybe you've got a family member that you're just going to on the way to the emergency room, or maybe you're in the parking lot of a hospital having a meltdown, been there, done that. This is your time. And you're welcome to call 877-655-6755, 877-655-6755.

And we'd love to hear from you. John, we're going to get right to our caregiver tip of the day. Way to go, Ed. Oh, by the way, Ed is producing this show in Dallas at the Salem Radio Studios there in Dallas. Ed, what's the temp there in Dallas, by the way? Just asking.

Uh, 95. It's hot. How hot is it? You know, I feel kind of bad, man. You guys are like sweltering.

And this morning we're going to put on gloves and coats and everything else. Oh, this was, no, this is fantastic. This is, I, uh, you know, this is... You like this kind of stuff, don't you? I do. I live for the sun and everything. And I don't get like, you know, I like winter because I like building a fire and I like doing the whole thing.

Don't get me wrong. It's fantastic. But summer is on the way out here. I've only got a couple of more days where it's going to be real nice and pretty and it'll come crashing down and just be... Well, by the way, we were talking about today's caregiver tip. Our caregiver tip of the day, just before, before, before we've got sidetracked there by my, uh, by taking a little right turn.

Yeah. Talking about the weather. We're going to go through a list of landmines that caregivers hit. It's part of, uh, it's from my book, Seven Caregiver Landmines and How You Can Avoid Them.

It's just a little tiny pocket book that I wrote for fellow caregivers that stick it with you in your pocket, your purse, whatever, keep it with you, read it over and over again, because it helps us stay out of the weeds. And the first one is our caregiver tip of the day is to see to your own health care needs. Now that is absolutely paramount for us as caregivers.

And what's happened is, and here are the alarming facts. 72% of caregivers are not seeing their own doctor regularly. So you'll hear this a lot when I take calls and so forth and I hear caregivers that are distressed. One of the things I'm going to ask on a regular basis is when's the last time you talked to your doctor? When's the last time you saw your doctor? When's the last time you went to your doctor? We caregivers go to a lot of doctors. Like I said, with Gracie, I've had, you know, she's been treated by over a hundred.

I see a lot of doctors with her, but do I see a lot of doctors for me? And now there are over 65 million caregivers and yet 72% are not seeing their own doctor. John, what is that number? I was told there would be no math on this test.

Thank you very much. Is that what it was? It was a 60, 65 million and 42%. I mean, I'm sorry, 72%.

Oh, I'll just give you the, the, the, the answer. 72% do not not see their own doctor regularly. So I'm guessing it's 42 million. Well, it's more than 40. It's more than 40. We would accept 42 million plus, but I need to, the survey from family feud will survey says, you know, and you think about four, it's approximately what, 44 million down. You got your math. I I'm getting my talent in my calculator out real quick.

What was it? The 65 million, all this hits a little brain. Yeah. It was a 40, a 4.6 million or 46 million, 46 million people in this country right now. So like 47.

All right. So 40, 46, eight. This is rather sad.

Needless to say, math was not our subjects, but it's a, well, it was for you, but that was a different kind of math. That was new math, but it was, it, you think about 47 million people approximately in this country who are taking care of the sickest among us and they're not seeing their own doctor regularly. Now, how is that a good thing? Who benefits from that?

What, what, what's going on with it? What's the reluctance to do it? And I've heard this from myself and from other caregivers is that, well, we're just going to get through this and then I'll such and such. But what really prompted this for me today is I was in the doctor's office the other day and I saw this lady in a wheelchair and she was in bad shape, elderly lady, and she was in bad shape, but she was being pushed in her wheelchair by her daughter because she was, she identified her daughter there. And this woman was morbidly obese.

I mean, morbidly. And you got to think, okay, what is going on internally with this caregiver physically, but they're just her physical body, her organs and everything else. Then you think about her knees and then you think about her hips and her shoulders and all these kinds of things, her neck, how much discomfort is this woman in? And then you think about emotionally, what is all that weight doing to her self image and her sense of self worth and all these things. And you realize that this is not a healthy woman and she's taking care of somebody who's not healthy. So how does, how do you help with that?

What does that look like? Where did we start with that? Because she didn't get here overnight and she's certainly not going to get out of it overnight, but what can you do today? And see, I'm all about helping caregivers understand what you can do today, not next week, not, and this is not that kind of show where you call in and we got a, um, a special book that we're going to give you and you come to our thing and we're going to crack your back and then do this and this, and you're going to be, no, this is hard work. This is hard work to do this. And you got to have a team around. You got to have people cheering you on and something you can do today is something John and I both practice a lot. Drink some water.

That's just something you can do today. Just drink water. John, how much water do you start off in the morning with?

It's like a, it's like a 12 ounce tumbler. I just slam it. Just, just keep going. Yeah, I'm just not even a, it's, it's not, I probably should drink it a lot slower than I do, but I just wake up and do that just to get the, just to get everything woken up. Um, cause I know I'm going to have coffee right after that and that's not really a hydrating thing. It's no, but what I'm trying to do is move people away as much as possible from, from sugar because from sodas and stuff like that, it's terrible. If we could just substitute one glass of water for one soda, just just little steps like that. Every time you were tempted to reach for a soda, even if you think if it's a diet soda, you know, please put water in your body, not sugary drinks, not diet drinks, not chemicals, water in your body.

It'll take time because it took time to get you to this, this heavy if that's where you are. But even if you're not even heavy, this is still a better practice for you. Yeah, it's required for every metabolic process in the body. Every, you know, whenever I, whenever, you know, half the time when I feel hungry, I'm not even really hungry. I'm just thirsty and I just, your body needs it for everything and it's just good and it tastes good and you can well and what happens if you want to, you know, and what I found with caregivers is if you, you show me a heavy caregiver and I'll show you somebody whose heart is heavy.

I mean it is, they're truly just burned down on your heart. And what happens is we start feeding that heaviness with things that are not necessarily good for us. They call it comfort food for a reason. And that comfort food is going to just continue to build up and build up and all of a sudden you turn around and you're morbidly obese. I mean, I get it. I put on a good bit of weight in my time as a caregiver. I mean, I got so big, the picture fell off the wall. I mean, let's see it if you caught that, John. I haven't heard that one.

I like that. How big were you? How big were you? I broke my family tree. I understand that and the refrigerator is too close or guess what? You're back and forth to the doctor's office. You're back and forth to the hospital.

You just go through the drive-through. And this is not a character flaw, all right? No, this is a survival mechanism that we buy into because we are so, we are hurting so bad and we want to stop hurting and we don't want to get more tired. We don't want to get more stressed out. And somehow when we grab something like that, it just makes us feel better for the moment. And we live with so many things that make us feel bad that we desperately want to feel better. But I'm asking you, one caregiver to another, would you trust me on this and put down one sugary drink and grab some water?

Put down one Snickers bar or one piece of pie or one this and grab something a little bit healthier because- And all that's going to do is build a habit. Yeah, and it'll take some time, but that's why we do the show is to continue to reinforce these things so that you don't feel like you're just isolated. There's so many weight loss programs out there.

I'm not going to reinvent the wheel. There's so many things like this, but for caregivers, what's happened is, is your heart's heavy. And if we can start dealing with the heart issues, you'll watch the weight come off of you with the body issues. But the heart issues is where the battle is fought because it's your self-image, it's your self-worth. And if you understand that you are worth doing this for, you are worth getting healthier for. What you're doing as a caregiver matters and you are important. And if you can just hold onto that thought, don't sell yourself out that somehow you're expendable or it's somebody else's health at your expense. And so we don't go to our own doctor.

Why not? I remember this lady called into the show some time ago and she was struggling. Her husband had rheumatoid arthritis and he was in real bad shape and she didn't think he was going to... It looked like it was getting close to the end.

I mean, he was in bad shape and she was crying and she said, he's not a believer. He's very, very sick and I know where this is going. And I put the brakes on her. I said, hold on just a second. I said, we all know where this is going.

None of us is getting out of this thing alive. And the mortality, John, I don't know if you knew this or not, but the mortality rate in this country is still at 100%. And write that down, John. And so I told her, I stopped her for a moment and I said, okay, when's the last time you saw your doctor? And she said, it was a couple of months ago. And I said, okay, how was your blood pressure? She said, it wasn't bad. And I said, what about your cholesterol? She said, it's coming down. I said, what about your weight? She said, I've lost 20 pounds. And I said, all right, let's go back to that. You can fight high cholesterol, but you can't fight rheumatoid arthritis on your own.

You don't have the ability to fight that, but you can fight cholesterol. And also given that you said that your husband's not a believer, I said, you know what? I have a dismal track record of convincing anyone to become a believer in Christ, a dismal track record of this.

I said, but Christ has a pretty good one. Why don't you let him worry about that? And you just modeled this for your husband and continue to work on your own health and make sure that your blood pressure, your cholesterol, your weight, your body is functioning at higher places and model this behavior for him and let God worry about the things that are God and you take care of the things that are yours. And that's breaking it down for a caregiver so that we're not putting this pressure on ourselves that somehow we've got to figure this whole thing out. And if you are 50, 60, 70, 80, 100 on this woman's case the other day, she had to be every bit of 250, 300 pounds overweight. If you're at that place and many of you who are listening are, first off, stop beating yourself up for it and understand that you can, with help and with some work, you can chisel that away. Not so that you can be thin and beautiful and all those kinds of things, that's fine, but so that you can be healthy. See, the goal is not to be aesthetically pleasing, the goal is to be healthy. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. It's just that simple and the demands on you are real. And in the next segment, after we come back from the break, we're going to talk about going to your doctor.

What are some things you want to deal with going to your doctor and so forth, specifically for you as a caregiver to help you with that? But right now I just want to see, can you do one lifestyle change? Just one, just one thing. You don't have to do anything. Don't go join a gym or anything like that right now. That's not what I'm advocating. I mean, if you want to, you can, but that's not what I'm advocating. What I'm advocating is one small lifestyle change.

If you've got some type of sugary drink in your hand right now, put it aside and grab some water. Something that simple. You say, Peter, well that's just too, that's, you know, that's no, no, anybody can do that.

Anybody can, and you know how much that costs you? That's just one little thing. That's not going to make a big difference. It's just one little thing. It's just one little thing. So just do it, you know. It'll cost you more to not do it.

Exactly. So if you just spent what, what's a, what's a, what's a can of soda cost, John? Oh, at least a buck these days.

I don't even know. I, I, I haven't bought soda in years. What does a glass of water cost? Well, it comes complimentary with your meal, sir. All I'm asking you to do, one little thing. If, if you are going through the line at whatever you're checking out, the pharmacy, whatever, and you see a candy bar that you just, you know, whatever, pass on it and grab something that's a little healthier.

Yeah. It's one little thing a day and it's just building the habit of being the kind of person that occasionally makes that kind of choice. And then it just, you'll be amazed what happens. And you know, another thing that helps too, gum, sugar-free gum, because it satisfies that urge to just put something in our mouth. And then when your mouth feels fresher because you've had sugar-free gum, you don't want to eat so much because your mouth feels fresher. Yeah.

And like you said, we're not going to reinvent the wheel here, but this is just one little step. Look, we, you've got to, we've got to respect the amount of stress that you're under as a caregiver. You've got to respect what that does to you, what your decision points become and you just want to feel better. And yeah, ice cream does make you feel better.

Donuts. It makes you feel real good. It does. I mean, Krispy Kreme, they ought to name it kryptonite cream. I mean, it is. Look, why did you have to say the words? You know, I love it.

I love it. But what is it doing to you as a caregiver? What are all those carbs doing to you as a caregiver? And I'm asking you, just don't, don't go out and buy a new diet book or anything. Don't go, don't go hog wild on it. Just do one thing, something you can do today. You say, you know what? I'm going to do something healthy for me. Well, Peter, you don't know what I just ate today. Well, okay.

That's in the past. Let's do it. You don't have to do it again. I'm just asking you to take one small step. You see, the goal is not to feel better as caregivers because we're not going to necessarily feel better about these things. We deal with heartache, but we can be better. We can be better and we can do this together.

All right. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. This is hope for the caregiver. Give us a call. 877-655-6755, this is Peter Rosenberg. We'll be right back.

Hey, this is Peter Rosenberg. Have you ever helped somebody walk for the first time? I've had that privilege many times through our organization Standing with Hope. When my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs following this horrible wreck that she had as a teenager, and she tried to save them for years and it just wouldn't work out, and finally she relinquished them and thought, wow, this is it. I mean, I don't have any legs anymore.

What can God do with that? And then she had this vision for using prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel, to put legs on her fellow amputees, and that's what we've been doing now since 2005 with Standing with Hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana, and you can be a part of that through supplies, through supporting team members, through supporting the work that we're doing over there.

You can designate a limb. There's all kinds of ways that you could be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking at standingwithhope.com. Would you take a moment to go out to standingwithhope.com and see how you can give?

They go walking and leaping and praising God. You could be a part of that at standingwithhope.com. As a caregiver, think about all the legal documents you need. Power of attorney, a will, living wills, and so many more. Then think about such things as disputes about medical bills. What if instead of showing out hefty fees for a few days of legal help, you paid a monthly membership and got a law firm for life? Well, we're taking legal representation and making some revisions in the form of accessible, affordable, full-service coverage.

Finally, you can live life knowing you have a lawyer in your back pocket who, at the same time, isn't emptying it. It's called Legal Shield, and it's practical, affordable, and a must for family caregivers. Visit caregiverlegal.com. That's caregiverlegal.com. Isn't it about time someone started advocating for you?

Caregiverlegal.com, an independent associate. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger, and in 1983, I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me, but over time, my questions changed, and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs, led me to establish Standing With Hope. For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people.

On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies, and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's standingwithhope.com.

I'm Gracie, and I am standing with hope. How do you feel? Is your body sluggish? How about your mind? What about sleeping? Is that difficult for you? When you had your last physical, what did you learn about your health?

Should you lose weight? If you're like so many caregivers, those are hard questions. You didn't get here overnight, and you won't change it overnight, but there are steps you can take starting today. Find more information at ahealthierlifeforyou.com. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver.

We are live. We are on Sirius XM's Family Talk Channel 131-877-655-6755. That was Gracie, my wife, singing from her upcoming CD. We're going to play a song of hers if we have time today.

Ed will have it cued up, and we're going to play that. I thought you'd like to hear her sing a little bit more, and she has just a wonderful voice. This is a song I wrote, and I wrote it for caregivers to express their heart, and we're talking about wellness for caregivers today. Seventy-two percent of caregivers do not see their own doctor regularly, and we're trying to change that. We want you to understand that it's important for you to be healthy as a caregiver, and we're going to take a quick phone call here.

Tamara and Tulsa. Tamara, how you feeling? I'm tired.

Warren, slam out, aren't you? Yes. I was a caregiver for five years for my parents, and both of them had passed away, and I was just wondering, how long does it take for you to get back to where you're not exhausted all the time? Well, I'm in my 33rd-plus year of this, and so I don't know. But I will tell you this. I've got a theory, Tamara. I've got a theory, and maybe you can help me test this theory out. I believe that when you're in intense caregiving situations for several years—I'm not talking about for several months. A lot of people, you know, we can do episodic things and we can get through it, but for several years like you did, and it was evidently pretty grueling, and then it ends in two funerals. But I have this theory that there is a level of PTSD for caregivers that sneaks into this, and you become wired through this journey, and it's hard to unwire it. And it sounds like that's kind of where you are.

Is that a fair sense, though, with the PTSD component to it? Yeah, because I'm still waking up at 2, 3 o'clock in the morning going, what? You know, like—I've got to get mom with this. Yeah, it's like, did they just call me or something, you know? And I don't sleep all the way through the night still, even with medication.

Well, I tell you what. I think it's going to take some time. You did this for five years. I think you're going to have to give yourself some time. I think you have to respect the amount of trauma that went to you physically and emotionally through this process, and probably maybe even financially, too.

And you have to respect that level of trauma. Do you work out at all? Do you do any kind of exercise? I used to, but I am so exhausted I just sit down after I get off of work, and I'm like, I don't want to move. Well, that I get.

What about just walking? I've just been exhausted. Okay. And I know that's an excuse, but I was just wondering. No, that's not an excuse.

Let's try another tactic. Are you involved in any kind of counseling? I was, but I had to give it up.

Why did you have to afford it? What about a support group, like a grief share, things such as that? No.

There are programs out there that are, I believe they're free, and they may pass a basket and do like a dollar, that kind of stuff. But some type of 12-step recovery program, some type of grief share, those kinds of things that don't cost anything of any significance, and yet it allows you to communicate with other people to kind of bleed off some of the stress. Part of what's making you tired so much is the amount of sheer stress that your body has been on. What about you? It's just this hyper-watchfulness about everything. Hyper-vigilance. Yeah, yeah.

You end up, we talk about this a lot. These are systems that are in place in our body for really good reasons. They help us run from tigers, but we don't need to run from tigers every day. 24-7. Yeah, yeah. And if you do it for five years, it just burns those pathways out.

Whatever mechanisms are in place, it doesn't really matter how they work. It's just that they get worn out, and they're always on. And a good way of getting through this is talking with other people who are going through the same thing. And I know the initial question was, how long does this last? And that's a rough one, you know?

It's going to last until you sleep through the night, and that's the goal. Let me ask you this situation. What about your church? You involved in a good church? Yes, I'm involved in church.

Is it a good church? Do you feel like they understand your journey? I'm not exactly sure. They are trying.

That I do know. They are trying. And they're trying to get me more involved into helping out in the church and doing that, and I really appreciate that. Because they're trying to keep me busy. Well, keeping you busy may not be the best thing.

Maybe keeping you still might be a better stretch. Let me ask you two very personal questions. One of them is, how's your weight? I did gain weight, yes.

Well, and most of us as caregivers do. Are you seeing that starting to move off of you? No. Okay. If you can maybe, like we talked about earlier in the show, just make one simple thing.

Do you drink a lot of sodas or sweet drinks or things such as that? I have been in the past month or so. I decided to... It's okay. Let them holler out. It's okay. I decided to go back to kind of like a school program.

I went and got my agent license, and I'm now going to be licensed to be an insurance agent, because I had to do something to get back on my career path. Oh, I agree. That's good stuff. Yeah. Do you drink sugary drinks after, say, eight o'clock? At night? Yes.

Oh, yeah. I drink coffee from morning to night. Can you maybe back off, not eliminate, just can you find ways that you could back it off an hour, two hours, that kind of stuff, so that by the time you lay down at night, you're not just so amped up from caffeine and sugar that you have to get through the night and deal with it? I can try that.

Now, look, if you do just that alone, and it doesn't cost anything, Tamara... It may even start like two or three nights a week trying it. It doesn't even have to... See if it works, but you may get a little bit of a headache when you start backing off sugar and caffeine, okay?

Yeah, I get my brain. Yeah, well, when you start feeling that coming in, go for the water and flush some of these toxins out of your body. Look, I'm not a dietitian. I'm a piano player who happens to be a caregiver for a long time, but I can tell you that if you're drinking caffeine and sugar anytime pretty much after six, seven, or eight o'clock at night, you're not going to stay asleep at night, no matter what kind of medication you take, okay? You're going to stay amped up, and when you lay down at night, your brain's firing. You got chemicals in your body that are pushing you, so I'm asking you to maybe just back some of those things off and see if it works. See if it gives you some relief. And instead of trying to keep busy, how about being still and just learning to be still?

And when you sit still for a little bit, does your mind just kind of race and you think of all the things you should have, would have, could have done? Yeah. Okay.

I think this is going to be a better place for you if you just learn to be still and recognize that you did everything you knew to do with the information you had, and you did the best you could, Tamara. Okay. All right.

You know what? You volunteered to do it. Did you get paid to do all this stuff as a caregiver?

No. Okay, then. So you stepped up and you volunteered.

You honored your mother and father to the best of your abilities. You made mistakes. We all do. I'm the crash test dummy of caregivers, Tamara. You know, I've had, I have forgotten more mistakes than you will ever make because, I mean, I've just, you know, ask Gracie.

I'll screw it up on so many levels. However, you did the best you could. You've got small children evidently.

It's my granddaughter tonight. Well, you've got, you've got, you've got family. You've got responsibilities outside of that.

So maybe you could start off by saying, you know what? I really did do the best I could and say, God, it wasn't perfect, but you didn't ask me to be perfect. You asked me to just step up.

And I did. You asked me to honor my mother and father and I did. And I'm asking you to honor your promise that you say, come unto me. You all, all of you are weary and heavy laden. I'll give you a rest and, and just tell them, Hey, I'm weary and heavy laden.

Okay. You know, I've, I've, I've gained a lot of weight. I'm heavy laden. I'm weary on my heart. My heart is heavy laden and say, Lord, I need some rest. And I don't know what rest looks like, but I'm going to this crazy guy on the radio said, if I could be still and learn to just sit still and calm my heart down, I may be able to start resting a little bit. Okay.

This is how I do it. And sometimes you have to just will yourself to turn off the television or will yourself to put down the coffee, put down the tea, put down the sodas, will yourself to just be still, take time for stillness. Are you going to have to make time for illness? Okay.

And your grand, your granddaughter, your grandchildren deserve to have a grandmother that they can enjoy and be with who's not so worn slam out. Okay. So I'm not asking you to reinvent the wheel and I'm not asking you to spend a dime. In fact, I'm going to do something for you. Okay. Okay. Stay on the phone and Ed's going to get your information and I'm going to send you a copy of my CD. It's called songs for the caregiver.

Okay. And in it, I play, uh, um, there's, I don't know how many songs there are, but 11 or 12, half of them are instrumental. The other half Gracie singing, but they're all very calm and I found them to be incredibly calming to the family caregiver. Just, just to just kind of leave it there. And you'll probably fall asleep while you're listening to it, which is the point. Or you may even weep while you listen to it. And, and if you either one of those things are good because those are both healing for you, not crying out of despair, but weeping and letting some of this stuff out of you that you've been holding onto that really hurts Tamra.

It really does hurt. And I'd like to see you get to a place where you could breathe a little bit easier. And I think you can. And I think if we pull together and we work together and do it, this is what we do as caregivers.

We help each other get to a place of safety. And so right now, if you, if you'll just trust me on that and take some simple steps that don't cost any money, hang on the phone, it's going to get your information and I'm going to send you a copy of this CD and I just want you to listen to it. And if you don't like it, you'd send it back.

John will listen to it. I did it for the caregivers who feel like their brain is a squirrel cage. I did it for myself. So how about that? Okay.

All right. In fact, while Ed does that, how would y'all like to listen to Gracie singing this song right now? This is called I Can Only Hold You Now.

I wrote it for caregivers. I want you to listen to this for just a moment. I see you all again. I still love you now.

Like I did it way back when. A road turned. But I'm still here walking with you. Right here, right now, that's all we can do. In this moment, I live my life with you. I know there will be sorrow.

We'll face that somehow. But my hands can't hold tomorrow. I can only hold me now. Memories have wings. Some will fly away.

I will keep them safe. And we still have today. I looked in your eyes. You smiled back at me.

All I need to know. Right there for me to see. A road turned. But I'm still here walking with you. Right here, right now, that's all we can do.

In this moment, I live my life with you. I know there will be sorrow. We'll face that somehow. But my hands can't hold tomorrow. They can only hold you now. I know there will be sorrow.

We'll face that somehow. But my hands can't hold tomorrow. I can only hold you now. Hold you now. That is my wife, Gracie.

I can only hold you now. I wrote that with my friend, Buddy Munlock, back in Nashville, Tennessee. I wrote that for caregivers to express kind of what's on our heart, what things we'd like to say. This show is all about helping a caregiver deal with the heart turmoil that's going on. If we can help readjust that, then we can deal with the weight or the other issues going on in our life, our career, our professions.

Like Tamara said, she wanted to go back and become a licensed insurance agent so she can work on her career. All of those things can fall into a much better lockstep with us if our heart is not a train wreck. And so what I'm here about, what I'm hoping to do with this show and everything else I do, what I know I'm doing with this show and everything I'll do is to be able to speak to that franticness that's in the caregiver's heart.

I understand it in ways that I hope few ever will. And like I said, I've had ample time to make more mistakes than most of you guys. I've forgotten more than most of you guys are going to make. But I've learned some things along the way.

Hey, listen, before we get to the end of the show, I just want to quickly ask a plea. I need some help. I need for you to share. I need a lot of help. I've been raised by a pack of therapists.

I need you to share something for me. The presenting sponsor of the show, you heard the commercial early on Standing with Hope presents. Gracie and I founded Standing with Hope many years ago. It's for the wounded and those who care for them.

And that's the sponsor of this show. We want to be able to reach the wounded and those who care for them with practical biblical help. But the practical comes in with the wounded because Gracie wanted to do a prosthetic limb outreach to her fellow amputees.

And we've been doing that since 2005 in the West African country of Ghana. And we train and equip and maintain prosthetic limbs over there for her fellow amputees. It's an amazing ministry where we collect used prosthetic limbs that go into a local prison and inmates will they volunteer to to disassemble the legs. And we can reuse most of the leg. We can't reuse the socket because that's custom fitted to that patient. But everything else can be the knee, the pylon, the screws, the adapters, the prosthetic feet, the belt systems, the socks, the liners, the sleeves, all those things can be reused. Even the shoe.

A lot of times people will send in a used limb, but they'll forget with the shoe on it, but they'll forget to send the other shoe. So I'm asking you, let the other shoe drop. See what I did there, John? I see exactly what you did there. And you reject it categorically. Outright.

Exactly. But would you go to standingwithhope.com? Just look at it.

Look at it and share this with someone. Maybe you know a funeral home director. And because a lot of funeral homes will get prosthetic limbs that the family doesn't know what to do with.

We'll take them. Maybe you know somebody who's got a son or daughter who's in sports and so forth and has gone through a lot of prosthetic limbs. They do a lot of disabled sports type of things or whatever. But they go through a lot of limbs.

Gracie's gone through a lot of limbs. Don't throw those things away when you're done with them. We'll take them. We're always looking for more stuff to be able to help recycle this. And you can just send that out to folks. Put it on your Facebook page. Share it. Say, hey, I heard about this. Do you know of anybody that has a used prosthetic limb that they have sitting in the closet?

Maybe a loved one passed away and they just don't feel comfortable throwing it out, but it's been sitting in the closet. We'll take it. We'll take it. And you can see right on the website how to do it. And while you're there, take a look at the inmates that are doing it. It's an extraordinary program that we partnered with CoreCivic on.

CoreCivic.com. It's one of their many faith-based programs. And they manage these prisons around the country. And they use these faith-based programs to help build confidence and skills and values in the inmates and turn lives around. And I've had inmates that have come to me and said, you know, I never even thought about doing anything positive with my hands until I started doing this.

I never even thought about people with disabilities until I started doing this. I had one guy that ended up being the head guy in the shop there whose wife was an amputee. And when he heard about the program and he had gotten his life straightened up while he was in prison, he heard about the program and wanted to work in it.

And then his wife had passed away, but he donated her leg to the program. This is something you could be a part of. You'd see all the kind of faith-based programs they have at CoreCivic.com. But please, please think about sharing this. We would be very grateful. But Tamara, I do appreciate you calling on that. And I want to say this real quick about going to the doctor before we run out of time here, John, because we're talking about wellness today for the family caregiver.

It's a big landmine. We put our wellness off. We put it on hold. We'll just get through the funeral. We'll get mama onto Jesus, and then we'll deal with us. And I say, nay, nay. You're not going to feel better about this, but you can be better in it. And I would recommend highly calling your personal physician, your primary care doctor, and going get a checkup.

I recommend an annual physical and every six months getting lab work and so forth. But when you go, but when you go, don't just show up willy-nilly. I don't know. Is that a proper word, John?

Willy-nilly? I know it works. It works well in Nashville. I don't know how well it's going to play. In Montana? No, it doesn't.

But I'm in Southwest Montana for those who just joined. But when you go there, write down three to five things that you can ask your physician. Do this for your loved one.

Do this for yourself. But please, would you do yourself a favor and look at your physician? Let them know you're a caregiver. And if they seem ambivalent to it, get another doctor. Okay? Or have them call me.

Listen to this show. You'll have a dressing down. I will tear into them like a hobo into a bologna sandwich.

If you will communicate to them that you are dealing with high stress of dealing with caring for someone, do not, do not, do not, do not underestimate the level of stress that you're under as a caregiver. Please don't. Please respect it.

Okay? Because it will really cripple you as an individual. Emotionally, physically, financially, you know, professionally, on every level. And what we're all about here is helping you stand a little straighter, breathe a little easier, walk a little steadier, so that you can bear this journey and it not crush you. And so even after Tamra, here she is, the funerals are already over. Both her mother and her father, they're gone and she's still struggling with this. Do you see the impact this can have on an individual when you care for her? So she's waking up in the middle of the night thinking about getting some for her mother.

Are they calling or whatever? We're going to help do what we can to help Tamra get to a place where she can settle down. My goal for her is for her to have a great night's sleep. My goal for you is, pardon me? She called the show.

She called the show. My goal for you is to have the same thing. Healthy caregivers make better caregivers. Let's help each other get to a place of safety. This is Hope for the Caregiver.

I'm Peter Rosenberger. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. If you want to hear the music that Gracie sang earlier, if you want to find out more about Standing With Hope, it's all out there at Hopeforthecaregiver.com, plus the books and so forth. Take advantage of it. The podcast. By the way, John, we just had our 25,000th download on the podcast. Hey, right on. How about them apples? I like them apples. I got news for you, psychos. We're getting better. And this is Peter Rosenberger, Hopeforthecaregiver.com. We'll see you next week.