Identifying the Correct Battle

We speak fluent caregiver here, and we're all about strengthening you because it's a two-for-one deal with caregivers. The caregiver goes down, so does the loved one.

It's just that simple. And I am passionate about this and about reaching you as a caregiver to let you know that the gospel means something to you even as you're taking care of someone who is treating you horribly in the midst of whatever impairment they're dealing with. You know, it's okay for you to receive the grace of God in the midst of this, and even if things don't necessarily change with your loved one. And somehow this has gotten twisted in our minds that we can't be happy unless they're doing okay. We can't be peaceful. We can't be joyful. We can't be well. We can't be, you know, physically well.

We can't go to our own doctor. We can't do any of these things unless they're in a good place. And I'm saying, no, that's not how this works. And we as caregivers can be good stewards of our own bodies, of our own wallets, of our own career paths, all these things, because we don't own all this other stuff. And we spend our times trying to, I think a lot of us, at least I have, I mean, you got to remember I am the wily coyote of caregivers, you know, and any given day there's an Acme anvil that's about ready to fall on my head. But we spend our days all too often trying to somehow wrestle this thing or white knuckle it.

And no, that's just, that's not, that's not how this works. We can learn to be peaceful in it, in the midst of it. You know, we, we, um, we'll take on the wrong enemy. We'll try to fight Alzheimer's. We'll try to fight addiction. We'll try to fight amputation. We'll try to fight injury or illness that we're not prepared, equipped, or in any way capable of doing.

I can't, my wife's a double amputee. I cannot fight amputation, but I can fight cholesterol. I can fight being a jerk. These are things that I can fight.

How about you? What can you fight? What can you successfully wage war against in your life? Maybe your child has a very, um, a devastating disease that is just beyond the pale. You can't fight those things.

You may feel guilty for bringing that child into the world. They have to live with that, but you can't fight that. But you can fight bitterness and resentment. You can do that.

Scripture says that you can, and it gives you the path to be able to do that. How are you holding up with that? How are you holding up as you wage war against these things? I know people who have committed their entire lives to waging war against their loved ones affliction.

I know these people and I can see the weariness, the bone weariness and the despair, but they keep pushing themselves to inhuman levels. Somehow thinking that if I can get them here, then I can be happy. I can rest and do my thing. How's that working for you?

How are you doing with that? If I could just get daddy to stop drinking, if I can just get my daughter to stop acting or making these terrible decisions, if I can just get, you know, my spouse to get to the bathroom instead of making a mess everywhere else, you know, they can remember what channel law and order comes on, but they can't remember to go to the bathroom. Is that hitting too close to home? If I could just get them to do that, then maybe I could have some peace.

Scripture says we could have peace no matter what. I put out a, on the podcast, a lot of people liked that prayer that I had at the beginning of the show. That's embedded in the newest episode on the podcast. And I put out a live performance that I did of It Is Well With My Soul. It's an arrangement I did, and I asked a friend of mine to play the violin with me. We played it during communion at church some years ago, and I've never put out this recording, but I went back and listened to it. I thought, you know, and you can hear some of the audience sounds and the clanking of the communion trays and so forth, but I just thought it was, it just captured something for me. And I enjoyed playing with this fellow.

He was, he still is just an extraordinary violinist. And I put this arrangement on my CD, Songs for the Caregiver, just as a piano solo, but this was a live version I did, and I thought I'd just put it out as a bonus material for the podcast. And, but I love that hymn, when peace like a river attendeth my way, when sorrows like sea billows roll. As a caregiver, you understand sorrows like sea billows rolling, don't you?

And if you don't, you hadn't been a caregiver long enough, because you will. And it comes at you relentlessly, without mercy, without reprieve. It just keeps coming. When sorrows like sea billows roll. I've been out in, my brother-in-law has a boat that he goes, does a lot of fishing with out in the Gulf of Mexico. And I've been out there with him at times when the, you know, the waves were a little bit high and I never get seasick.

I've never been seasick and I've been in some choppy water. When the fish are biting, it's hard to get word about the waves sometimes. But I was, I was noticing one time I was really tired when I was out there and I was noticing that it just, it just kept coming. It was relentless. And the boat just kept rising and slamming down, rising and slamming down. And it wasn't, it didn't make me sick, but it just wore you out, just wore you out. And the sea was relentless.

It had no plans to stop or abate just because I didn't like it. That's kind of where we are as caregivers sometimes. It just wears you down. So how do you deal with that?

How do you cope? How do you find your balance? How do you find the horizon?

What does that look like? Where is safety? Where is that peace of mind that can come? You know, when Jesus told the disciples, you know, what's the matter with you guys? You know, when he was asleep in the boat and they thought they were going to die. And he said to the winds and the wave, be still. And then they, they calmed down. But if you notice, Jesus was calm before then he was asleep in the boat.

How did he do that? Is it just because he was God? He was very God, but he was very man. And all the theologians I've talked to, very sharp people said that what happened was that Jesus shelved his divinity. He lived life fully as man, trusting in God. And he was not, um, he was, that he was free to experience life. That's why he could marvel at the woman who reached up to touch, touches the hem of his garment or the Roman centurion said, Hey, look, you just got to give the word. Don't, don't, you don't have to come up and just give the word.

I get that. And Jesus was free to marvel because he was shelving his divinity so that he could live life fully as a man. And, you know, he knew that he came to earth to die, but he knew he wasn't going to die on the sea of Galilee. And he was confident that, that he could rest. How confident are you in the plans that God has for you?

You know, Martin Luther said in the mighty fortress, this body, they may kill, but God's truth abideth still. How confident are you in that? That, that, that we as, as individuals can live with that sense of serenity and peace and purposefulness in our lives, even while dealing with these harsh things as caregivers. Now, please do not in any way assume that I got this. I just know where the path is. And I need reminders to get back on that path just as much as anyone else. And that's why I do the show because I'm reminding myself every time I say it, every time I speak it, it points me back to safety. And safety is not the absence of conflict or war. Safety is being in the hand of God, period, wherever that is. You tracking with me on that one?

Let me give you an example. There's a scripture. I think it's in second Samuel.

Don't quote me on that, but it is, it's there. It says in the springtime, when the Kings went out to war, David stayed home. King David stayed home. He should have been out doing his job in the springtime when the Kings went out to war, but he got tired of it. So he stayed home and just kind of propped his feet up, looked across the roof and guess what? There was Bathsheba.

David was in far more danger and caused far more damage by staying out of the battle than he would have been had he been in it. Don't confuse the American dream and this talk of prosperity and all that kind of stuff with the purpose that God has for you in your Christian life. He's going to lead you through some stuff that are going to, that's just going to hurt. It's going to be unpleasant, but he's working something out in your life through it. And you can trust him. How do you know? Because he stretched out his arms and gave his life for you on the cross. He did it himself. Hope for the caregiver. This is Peter Rosenberger.

We'll be right back. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger and in 1983, I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me, but over time, my questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs, led me to establish Standing with Hope. For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people.

On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies, and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's standingwithhope.com. I'm Gracie, and I am standing with hope.