Absurd Truth: Taylor Lorenz's Suggestive Verbs

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast. Sponsored by Kel-Tec.

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. I'm just trying to figure out what won. Well, let's do this one. Alright, so this happened on Thanksgiving morning and in this house they carved more than just the turkey.

Yeah. This is in Pensacola. A Florida man stabbed his ex-wife's new husband on Thanksgiving morning in Escambia County. Gregory Grant, 72, was charged with attempted homicide. They said that the Grant, the guy who was, I guess, the perpetrator, was homeless, currently living with his ex-wife and her new husband, stabbed the new husband in the upper abdomen during an argument.

The victim was transported to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries. And yeah, they apparently had gotten into an argument and I don't know. And the guy who was stabbed said, I was trying to be a nice guy and help out a homeless person and this is the appreciation I get.

Yeah, I mean, again, the knives go in the turkey, not each other. That's how that works. A Central Florida man lied about, he lied about his identity and he was arrested because he said he forgot who he was when he got caught lying about his identity.

This is Polk County Sheriff's Office, where this feller, this, he was arrested and then when he was originally detained, he lied about his identity, slipped up while trying to keep it going. And 54, he's 54. Wow. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wait, could he be lying about that too? I mean, he's lying about it. He's got to be lying about being 54. Anyway, Richard Hallmark of Winter Haven, that totally sounds like a Christmas movie from Hallmark.

Bad one. They found a backpack in his car that had meth, all kinds of stuff in it. He said, no, that's my, that backpack is my brother's Robert Hallmark. I don't believe his last name. I'm surprised he didn't go, of the Hallmark family.

And I can't deal with it. So according to Polk County Sheriff's Office, pro boxer George Foreman famously had five, this is an article, had five sons with the same name. And then there were the brothers from the TV series Newhart. So it wasn't out of question that they could be, there could be brothers who were both named Robert Hallmark.

This is my brother, Robert. Yeah, brother. Yeah.

Okay. And then finally, Richard admitted to the sergeant that his name was Richard and not Robert, and he lied about it because he had a warrant for his arrest. And the violation that was given in terms of violation for probation was, quote, conspiracy to deliver meth. He looks like it. I think meth ages you, right? That's messed up.

Like you get real messed up on meth. Yeah, I think so. Let's see here this. No, I'm not doing that one. That's disgusting. Oh, yeah, I don't know. Can't read this one. Although it's really good. A woman drove her SUV into her baby daddy and a woman that he was in the middle of coitus with, right?

Okay. A Broward woman who drove her SUV into her child's father and the woman that he was getting an owl with is facing battery charges. Like, no, I mean, he was in the act of doing it. Maybe she couldn't see because her eyelashes were so ridiculous. It looks like she just grabbed caterpillars and spiders legs and glued them to her upper lash line. Why? Stop it. That's not natural. Ain't nobody it's got you're not supposed to look like one of them yaks that have the flood.

It's not how it's supposed to look. She was arrested in case you were wondering. If you're looking for a convenient, affordable way to access medications and treatments you can trust all family pharmacy has you covered whether it's the flu or parasites, cancer support or general well being. All family pharmacies online service makes getting the medications you need hassle free.

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That's AllFamilyPharma.com slash Dana code Dana 10. By the way, if you, you know, usually towards the end of the year, you have dictionaries that revise things, right? They revise, you know, words or they'll they'll include new words or phrases into their catalogs of words, their dictionaries, right, Cain. So I just happened to see, I don't I don't really don't pay attention to this journalist, but I didn't realize that masks were still a thing. Like, that's still a thing that people do, right?

They stay have they do. And this one reporter. She's that Taylor Lorenz chick.

Man, hot mess. She's apparently was having a fit over I guess it was, you know, her book release. And all that I didn't even know she had a book out. I don't think anybody cares that she has a book out. But she was having a book release party. She was trying to plan it and apparently she was mad at everybody.

And she said that planning a COVID safe book launch took months and thousands of my own dollars ensuring testing outdoor space for far UV lights, a litany of other precautions. She goes Meanwhile, you blank blanks are out there raw dog in the air and spearing spewing your disease laden breath all over your elderly neighbors. We are not the same.

I've got a lot of questions. First off, that's not how that phrase is used. And secondly, you know, you can just say breathing. You know, breathing works just as well makes Cain feel a lot better.

Because that's not what that means. I don't even know what that she acts like you're always supposed to wear the mask on your face. It's why is it's a cold. It is a stupid cold.

COVID is a cold. People need to stop freaking out. Stop it. Just don't even get upset. Don't freak out.

It's a cold. Holy hell, I tested for COVID over Thanksgiving. I actually didn't mean to. It was an accident.

Did you know how this happened? I'm totally fine. My strep throat was separate from my kid. So I went in and they were like, Oh, we need to swab you for your because you know, you get swab for strep throat, right? We're gonna swab you for a strep throat.

We're gonna do it. You ready to get swabbed? And I'm like, Sure, yeah. So they swab my throat and then hands to sky because I never get swabbed for Coronavirus. I just don't because it's a cold.

It's stupid. Next thing I knew they had a Q-tip up my nose. And I'm like, Whoa, wait a minute.

I didn't and they were out. And then they came back and said, Oh, you had tested positive. And I'm like, and I told I first off my first I think response was the blank I am run it back or something like that. I don't remember exactly how I said it. And that but then, and the doctor was very nice.

And you know, it's kind of it's pretty like mine. It was like, look, it's a cold. Like so what do you tell me? I got a quarantine and I got to do all this stuff.

Is that what the people still do? And he goes, No one does that anymore. He's like, literally, no one does. He said, it's a cold. And I'm like, I know that. But that's there. You can all colds or Coronaviruses, but only one of these has the stigma.

Right? I mean, only one of them has literally ended families and, and caused great division in the nation, right? Only one of them contributed to people getting suspended and silenced on social media, right? I mean, hell, I almost been demonetized on YouTube for talking about it.

So yeah, only one of them carries a great penalty. So you can see all damn day that it's all all Coronavirus virus, but there's different it's a different. And he looked I said almost all that. And he looked at me and he said, No, you don't need to people aren't doing that anymore. He said, it's not a thing that anybody's doing. And he had added that, you know, you don't need to you don't need to go on like a sconce or something. He's like, most anybody gets is like maybe a slight cough or they're just tired.

That's it. He's like, it's not at all like it used to be. And he was saying that what the incubation period and even the contagious period, period of contagiousness aren't even he's like, they're not even the same duration. He's like, it's a completely different thing. He's like, so just know you're fine.

You don't need to do anything different. I'm like, okay. So that was it. She's still freaking out about this. Still freaking out about it. It's a cold. And I don't know, I just don't I can't imagine anyone being either accidentally or on purpose. I would I almost think it's on purpose at this point that stupid.

Like I had to bring in all this other stuff. It's a virus, you're never going to kill the virus. Never going to happen. And then, so this one other quick thing. Did you guys hear the story of the Ohio woman?

Who? We had this. Sorry, I saw this actually, and I was going to put this somewhere else.

But it fits perfect here. Remember the story? They're eating the dogs. They're eating the cats, right? So the one broad who was caught legit eating a cat in the middle of the road. She's pled not guilty to one felony charge of animal cruelty, Alexis Farrell.

So see, are fit for Oh, I don't know how I like Farrell better. Yeah. This story was never not true. It was never not true. So this woman pled guilty to one felony charge of animal cruelty. She was legit convicted for eating a cat in an August video when everyone was saying they're eating the cats and they're eating the dogs. Because that's true.

This woman was on video, one of the people this was in the same town where they were talking about the people who were coming in illegally and kidnapping pets in that same area. So it was never not true. True. Hmm.

I know all of the things that you guys were told that you guys were told about. This is not how it always is. Ohio woman.

That's just how they're going to refer to her. Can I just touch back on the coronavirus thing a little bit? Does anybody still actually get it anymore? I've had it before. No, I've never gotten the government experimental injection, because I have a thing called natural immunity. It really is not anything. I think you're just tired.

My strep throat, which is separate that I got was way worse. So why are people talking about needing to mask up and all that stupid stuff? Like, let's hurt our immune systems more and make it to where we're more susceptible to stuff. I kind of wouldn't encourage them in that thinking because it thins the herd, doesn't it?

Does that mean to say because I mean, I'm being honest. It's true. This is so goofy. People have got to stop this.

They act like like science was just invented. I don't know how cold to work. I don't know how the body's immunity works. I don't know at all.

Just have no idea. Crazy. Yeah, I can't stand it was funny because when I went in for the strep throat, and they immediately like work, can you put on a face mask? And I'm like, wait a minute.

So my sinus is already inflamed, and I'm already struggling right now to breathe like a normal person, you're telling me to put a completely ineffective piece of cloth over my face to make it more difficult for me to breathe, but do nothing to filter out the small, tiny nanoparticles that will still infect you regardless of whether or not I have a mask on. Is that what you're telling me? I literally said that.

And they went, yes. Like it's just the policy. Seriously, I so stupid, or that they remember when you had to stand so many spaces apart, I purposely would not. When you go through TSA, and they're like, can you stand here and get scanned? I always flick it off.

Every time and I never it's a little things and I never put my feet where they're supposed to be. Every time both hands, both barrels, don't sit here and tell me that's just bad behavior. I don't care. I literally don't care. I'm telling you because I don't care. It's true.

It's the little things, Kane. Fly with me. It's fun. We totally won't get pulled out or targeted at all, Wink. Tell you what.

So I guess nobody had fights with their family over Thanksgiving, right? I wonder if we'll get pulled down for posting this. Oh my gosh, Steve's already thinking ahead.

He's already like, you know what, for all the YouTube baristas, I just wish I could take both of my feet and insert them sideways in your backside and wear you like house shoes. Because you're that stupid. That's your only purpose.

It's only your only purpose in life. Oh my gosh. It's our friends over at Caltech, the P-15. It stands for 15 pews. Standard capacity. That might be a little bit more for the people who have weak arm muscles.

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It's time for Dana's quick five. Usually they just try to get photos of them. But apparently, some people they said that since 2022, at least 60 wild horses and burros have been killed on public lands. Now, it's continuing. I wonder how much of it is actually BLM, Bureau of Land Management kind of wonder.

So they've got awards out now to try to figure out what's who's doing this. California can't use all of its solar power. Millions of dollars of electricity goes to waste because the infrastructure isn't in place to store or move all of the solar power. Meanwhile, everyone sees sky high energy bills.

That's true. They can't use all because they don't even they can't even have their solar plants operating at full capacity because they have no way of storing and transferring and doing all of this stuff. See this all people come up with these ideas. Let's have a solar farm. Let's all have solar.

So great. And we're just going to do all this and we're not going to actually put anything else in place. We're not going to have any infrastructure to make this a doable thing. Huh? Maybe we should have done that. You know how much they frittered away on the high speed rail that nobody wanted from San Francisco to Los Angeles that nothing ever happened with?

Yeah, they could have been doing I don't know working on this, but instead, no. The lost a lost human species found in Asia. Say scientists, it's called the big head people, the large head people.

I don't know. They said could another group of ancient humans lived alongside homo sapiens? Are you calling a homo sapien? Scientists have identified fossils. I'm a hetero sapien.

Thank you. They found a new species of ancient humans that once roamed eastern Asia with an extraordinarily large brain. So they call them the large head people.

They said they live between 200,160,000 years ago. I don't know, maybe they just had a thing where they tied stuff on their head to elongate their skulls. And maybe that's what it was. Because you know, there is there are those things, beauty rituals that have existed with some people's throughout the human history. Just saying I just get a Monty Python esque kind of feel to this just social drinkers on obesity drugs lose the taste for alcohol.

Oh, my. These are the people I guess that are doing the weight loss shots. They said that the people who are on we go V or Mount Jaro do not enjoy alcohol as much.

They said a new study which Weight Watchers members who take obesity drugs found out that half of them cut back after they started the medication. I actually kind of wonder if it's a thing that they can use for alcoholism. That's an idea. So Jaguar, you know, right on top of their great. I don't know what you call that the ad campaign that they had that hideous thing that they did, where you didn't even know what it was about if it was about a car. So they came out with the pink car.

I don't know. It's it's a design vision concept. It was leaked ahead of its official release at Miami Art Week. Per the Telegraph, the car.

It's a Jaguar type 00 concept. And it demonstrates the company's desire to strike through convention. It looks like a stupid, completely not aerodynamic vehicle, right? They said that it's not going to be loved by everyone because it's fearlessly creative. That's what they said that people aren't going to love it.

And the reason that those people won't love it isn't because it looks like a giant pink brick. And it's dumb. But it's because that they are these, you know, what they're trying to do is just simply break through conversation. And that's ultimately, that's what they're doing.

It looks bad. They said, Oh, it's controversial, because it's so bad. So fearlessly creative was what they literally said. I'm reading their statement. This is a taste of things to come.

Well, then it looks like taste is going to be like feces. This is horrible. And then it's they had a hot pink.

They had a, like a blue model like pastel colored. This looks so dumb. This couldn't clear a speed bump either. Cain, this is horrible. Yeah, this is a horrible car. This is not aerodynamic.

I'm sorry. It's clunky, chunky and dumb. Yeah, that's fearless.

I would probably request a little fear next time. Yeah, their next idea. That car is not hot. It's an ugly car. It's just a bad looking like I wouldn't even buy that as a toy on like, remember the Toys R Us? Yeah. Why would you change a heritage brand like this? What do you think Jaguar before this?

What did you think of? Oh, just luxurious, sleek, chill top hats. Yeah.

Smoking jackets. Sure. All English countryside gentlemanly. Yeah. Yeah.

gentlemanly. That's, that's, you know, the genteel nation. That's what I think everybody thought. This I don't. I mean, they basically use Comic Sans as a fluke. And then they have this hideous pink block. I mean, it's bad.

So they have them they this guy. I mean, they, I guess they made two concepts of it. It just looks bad. It's just so cringe. People were taking photos by it, but it just doesn't look very good.

It doesn't. This is not a car I would drive. Steve, did you see these cars? Is this a car you would drive? I wouldn't necessarily drive a Jaguar that looked like that. I don't I don't hate Jaguar.

But I don't I know. It's like, why do they hate themselves? That's what this is.

This is what you make if you hate yourself. And that color. If you if you were a chicken, a dude drove drove up to pick you up in that car.

No, bye. Oh, yeah, I'm not gonna lie. Chicks view that stuff as are you a provider or not?

It is a measure of if you are a provider or not. Just like men can look at women and be like, Are you gonna be a lady or not? Like, are you gonna be someone that I can?

I mean, it's like it's give or take. This is the story's old. Everybody knows this. You'd pull up in a car like that. I'm gonna think that you work at Victoria's Secrets or that you sell that makeup. What's that makeup that they all sell and they get that pink car? Mary Kay. That's a Mary Kay car. Jaguar went full Mary Kay with this edition.

I almost said Avon. No, it's the Mary Kay pink, isn't it? I mean, I think you're right.

I'm positive. It's like that Edward Scissorhands kind of thing where Diane Weese would go out and sell makeup in a car that pink. Yeah.

And you but I can't remember. Yeah, you get a pink Cadillac to the top. A Mary Kay car is a pink Cadillac that Mary Kay awards to its top performing independent beauty consultants and sales directors. Oh, so it's the Mary Kay car. Yeah, that's exactly what this is.

I don't know what the blue one is. But yeah, that's all this is. So you just don't like fearless creativity. That's your problem. No, this thing is fugly.

I had my hand over the dump button. It's not it's a real word. Now, what is what if you were a woman driving it though? Like, that'd be okay. If you're a nana, if you're a grandmother on her way to the tea room to go and meet with, you know, the other dars there, then that's fine.

Go ahead and you can most women in my life that I've known ever were better and more frugal spenders. Yeah, what does this have to do with this? Mary Kay monstrosity? Exactly. That's an insult to Mary Kay, by the way.

For me to call it that I feel like I'm insulting the hard work and entrepreneurs that made Mary Kay possible. But why try so hard to get away from the gentlemanly kind of manly image that was Jaguar like 007 James Bondy type masculinity? Why are they making that kind of masculinity toxic? I don't understand. I don't Well, and I don't Yeah, it's not toxic. It's the that's not what I don't even think they understand the talk.

The toxicity is saying that gentlemanliness or chivalry is somehow toxic. This is like a feminist nightmare. I feel like I'm looking at a tampon commercial and not a Jaguar vehicle.

We're gonna drive this right. It's I thought it was a Skittles commercial when I first saw it without the sound. It's the Mary Kay car. They went full Mary Kay. It's sad because they had such a great brand. I mean, you that I don't know what they were. I guess they were struggling because then it's on you that you're marketing. You have such a great like you had a great brand. You weren't able to message it to market it. And you do this instead. Mary carried it. Like I said, thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana lashes absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcast, Spotify, wherever you get your podcast.