Absurd Truth: Jack Smith Has To Eat Too

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions.

It's time for Florida Man. Kentucky Jail twice, literally in the same day, for two separate car theft attempts. The first was unsuccessful, but given a second chance following her release from jail, Yamile Laborde managed to take off with someone else's car for just a few minutes before cops stopped her.

It was all in Paducah. And they said that when they were talking to her, why did she do this? Because she said that, quote, she was tired of walking. She saw an unattended vehicle, and so she took it. So she's booked again into jail this time.

She's held on a $2,500 bond. I don't think that's a legitimate excuse. You can't, you know, can't just be like, No, I'm tired of walking. I'm gonna just go ahead. This car's mine now. It's my car. Let's see, Miami Herald Florida woman was yelling at customers, and then she picked up a burrito. I threw it. Salt by a burrito.

This is like the fifth story and I don't know how like that we have this. People have got to stop with the burrito. She actually missed her intended target. And then she hit somebody else in the face. So she's got a $250 bond. They took her to jail.

She bonded on $250. The burrito. I honestly don't think you got hurt with a burrito.

But it's still you know, you can't be you know, whatever. Let's see this. A couple of other stories here. Oh my gosh, can we the alligator stuff. Another alligator biting a man bitten by an alligator while snorkeling at Central Florida Springs.

Guys, it looks like a Jurassic Park scene. Why would you snorkel here? A man said he was bitten by a seven and a half foot gator while snorkeling in Central Florida spring in the National Forest in Florida.

They said it was aggressive. It was the Alexander Springs Recreation Area. And the man was snorkeling in the designated swimming area. Doesn't mean that the gator sees that sign and thinks I'm not going to go there. He got puncture wounds, lacerations, he sought medical care.

And the onsite operator was able to render aid his conditions unknown. The gator was removed by Florida Fish and Wildlife. Guys, you can't you just got to be careful even have a puddle. They're in every body of water. Just go ahead and assume that they're everywhere watching you waiting for a bite.

Just the way it is. A Florida man was hit by a train while trying to take a selfie. Volusia County.

Volusia County deputies and Orange City police responded to CSX railroad tracks. It was about 3.30pm yesterday involving a train and a pedestrian. This is a sad story. They said that the victim was trying to take a selfie with the train approaching but he slipped before he could step up step off the tracks. It was a 19 year old man from Deberry was taken to Florida Lake Monroe Hospital. Serious but non life threatening injuries that included several broken limbs. The investigations ongoing. He's lucky and I don't know why you have to have an ongoing investigation. Don't be like playing chicken taking selfies with the train.

It's that simple. The KS7 from Keltec might be short and slim on the outside but it's long under the hood with its 18 and a half inch barrel packed into its bullpup design. It's ready for home defense backcountry hiking or anywhere you need a compact 12 gauge shotgun. The KS7 is lightweight with a magazine capacity of six plus one or seven plus one depending on shell size easy to handle with rear loading and downward ejection and standard carry handle that doubles as a sighting solution. Every KS7 produced at Keltec is made in the USA by a team who takes pride in their work and believes in respect, family and the right to bear arms.

Every KS7 comes with a lifetime warranty with proof of purchase as original owner. Defend what matters most to you with the KS7 shotgun available through Keltec. Learn more at KeltecWeapons.com. That's K-E-L-T-E-C weapons.com and sign up for the Keltec Insider and get a 15% coupon for your next order of gear and accessories. Secure your world with Keltec.

KeltecWeapons.com. Turns out even Jack Smith can't resist a $5 football. And just one last point. Jack Smith, remember when the classified documents target... Jack Smith. It's Jack Smith, everybody. Oh, my gosh. It's Jack Smith.

Wait, what? You mean there's like lots of Jacks? Yeah, there's Jack Smith. Jack Smith going to Subway today is a message to Donald Trump.

Donald Trump tries to intimidate people. So he went to Subway and got a $5 footlong. Jack Smith, special counsel. Jack Smith went to Subway. Subway. He got a $5, $5 footlong.

Apartment and it's a pointy Jack Smith. And that's, they are flipping out over at CNN. I mean, the imagery was intentional and it spoke volumes. What did, what did he say? He's like, yeah.

People. He tries to bully people. He tries to scare you away. That was Jack Smith with no words and a simple $5 sub in his hand saying, I'm here.

I'm not going to... Yeah. Or maybe he also was hungry. Tree was, was intentional and spoke volumes. Or maybe sometimes you just want a sandwich.

These people are so thirsty for somebody. Like, remember, who was it? I don't even remember anymore. Mueller. Oh, God, that guy. Mueller is coming.

Mueller. No, he didn't. Remember, that's all they said for like an obnoxious year. And then they didn't get what they wanted. So they got real sad about it. And then now I guess they think it's going to be Jack Smith. So they're all fangirling. They're like acting like Swifties. Oh my gosh, they're just like Jack Smith with a sub on it.

It's sour just like all of us do. Turns out even Jack Smith can't resist a $5 footlong. Who can? I'm not kidding. This is all like, just in the span of this hour. There's just in the span of this hour. But wait a minute. Now hold up.

Full stop here on the Dana show. Did he just get just the sandwich? It's kind of weird, right? Is it weird just to get the sandwich and not chips? Yeah, like you don't get no chips cookie. You don't get no like soda with it.

Like what you just you get the sandwich. Jack Smith doesn't need liquids. He drinks the tears of maggots. Well, that's I'm surprised CNN didn't say that.

Surprised they didn't. What toppings does Jack Smith love on his sandwich? Did he get white bread? Did he get wheat bread? What did Jack Smith get?

I can't believe that they didn't send like a whole satellite truck over there. Jack Smith, Jack Smith, this is John King, CNN. Yes, can you tell us what kind of sandwich, what kind of subway sandwich did you purchase, Jack?

Or did you purchase the sandwich as a message to Donald Trump? Are you going to eat? Nevermind. That's going to be bad. But you know what I was going to say? I was going to say, that's what I was going to say.

Is that bad? Technically, it's appropriate for this new segment. Jack, are you?

Jack, are you going to do that? I mean, you know, I'm just wondering, what kind of sub was it? This is our media. They spent, oh my gosh, they guys, they spent like an hour on this. Oh my gosh, because this is like from a whole hour broadcast. They spent that much time on this. Oh my gosh, it's precious. It's like watching kids wait up for an imaginary figure to bring you gifts.

I just realized sometimes it's summer and kids are home. But that's, this is so silly. They, I golly, special counsel Jack Smith. Special counsel Jack Smith.

They act like he is a celebrity. And all of this. Meanwhile, Joe Biden's sleeping at the White House. Is he? I'm reading, I'm watching this video.

And this was a little bit ago. And I'm looking down at my monitor watching this video. He is meeting with the Israeli president.

And I think he just slept standing up or sitting up. In this, in the seat. I'm, is he talking? Like, clearly? At a political level.

Can I be honest about something? Yeah. I understand Ozzy Osbourne.

I understand Ozzy Osbourne more than what I just heard. Oh yeah. Oh, completely. Totally. Yeah.

I don't, that was confusing. And did you see the Israeli prime minister like leaning in more and more? Like he knew something's up. He's like leaning in.

He's leaning in some more. He's the closest guy to Biden and he didn't even understand what he said. He couldn't even, yeah. He had no idea what he was saying.

He had no idea. That's just uncomfortable looking. He doesn't, I mean, I get it sometimes.

Let me play devil's advocate for a second and then I'm going to destroy it. Where people, they're thoughtful and they look down for a moment and then, but then do you look up and you don't, you're not slumped over like a cocktail shrimp on the edge of a glass, right? You're not all slumped over like you're, like he is.

It just doesn't look healthy. I don't know. I, I, none of that's, none of that's good.

All right. So the, who is it? The, is it Atlantic or is it the Atlantic? You got some culture stuff for you. The Atlantic has a stupid story out. You guys want to hear about it?

Yeah, you do. So apparently everything's racist, I guess, anymore. What isn't?

I don't know. They had this story that they put out, the racial inequality of sleep. They were trying to say that black people don't sleep as well as white people do. I don't even know what that means.

Try new moms. See how well they sleep. So I'm like, okay, well, I still have sleep equality by visiting my pillow.com slash Dana. Why does everything have to be in, like measured by by race?

Why does everything have to be measured by this? Well, I know, but this is just it's to the point where it's clownery. I can't take any of this seriously.

It's so silly. I mean, everything has to be well, it's that you know, sleep is it can be racist. No one's making people like not sleep. What kind of what kind of pillow do you have?

Is it the MyPillow 2.0 pillow? Is it that? I don't know. The whole thing there.

I'm just wondering how insane that's going to be. Oh my gosh, I'm still seeing video. There's still video cuts of the Subway sandwich. What in the world? There's another one. CNN is apparently spending over an hour talking about this.

It just distracted me from my sleep racist story. That's how much is going on right now. Oh my gosh. Jack Smith. Jack Smith doesn't care. Oh, he's gonna is this is gonna be like a meme, isn't it? Look, this is gonna they're gonna this is gonna happen. Yeah, look, here we go.

Oh, Jack Smith. He just he doesn't. What is what do they think Trump's gonna I'm sorry. I know I was sitting here telling you about the racial inequality of sleep. But I got distracted because I just saw a video a new one from CNN where they're freaking out over Jack Smith going to get a stupid sandwich.

What does that mean for anything? He doesn't care. He's not intimidated. No one's trying to intimidate him. You freaks.

No one cares. He's trying to intimidate other people. It's a sandwich for crying out loud. I'm surprised no one noticed that he I mean, isn't that the they got rid of that KidToucher right?

Over there that was selling them sandwiches. Jared? Yeah, yeah. Wouldn't he isn't wasn't he convicted KidToucher?

I believe so. So Jack Smith goes I mean, I can do that too. Jack Smith goes and gets KidToucher sandwiches. I'm just saying just you know, this is also the also dumb. Okay, let's I want to get some other things in here as they keep fawning over.

Normal guy, Jack Smith getting a subway sandwich. She's so goofy. This is so dumb. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. I was looking at this video came mentioned to me just on break because this like happened what, like minutes ago, and he was Biden's meeting with the Israeli president at the White House and he legit looks like he's sleeping. We're gonna come back because he looks like he's sleeping. I got distracted.

He looks like he's sleeping in the video. I mean, Hong Kong is offering $1 million bounties for dissidents abroad. Yeah, CCP they're offering a bounty of up to a million dollars to anybody who can help find eight activists that fled to other countries. And they continue to fight against the authoritarian government. So they said that it's directed by China. They're sending people to harass innocent people, innocent dissidents.

And they're now they're they're upping the ante on million dollars and you know, people are sadly are going to take that that's so unfortunate. New York Times says that smoke pollution from Canadian wildfires is blanketing US cities again. Maybe if they actually tried, you know, proper forest management, we wouldn't keep having this issue.

But they said they're expected to create more smoky conditions in the US parts of the US had unhealthy hair, unhealthy air last month from wildfires in other parts of Canada. Also the hill US is going to send f 35s f 16s to the Gulf region after Iran attempted to seize some oil tankers. This is in the Strait of Hormuz. They said that a Navy destroyer f 16 f 35 fighter jets to the region are going to be sent after a number of recent alarming events in the strait according to a Pentagon spokesperson who confirmed it yesterday. They ordered the deployment of USS Thomas Hudner. And they said the responsibility to defend US interests and safeguard freedom of navigation in the region. We've already had some f 16s and a 10 warthogs in the region, the latter of which has been patrolling there for like a week or more after this was after on July 5, when Iranian naval forces were trying to overtake two oil tankers in or near the Gulf of Oman and they fired upon one of them.

So they said that it's going to give you know, give them some cover as they traverse the waterway or you know, Iran could just stop being shady. You know, that's also just saying I mentioned I can't remember if I mentioned this yesterday or not a woman was gored at Yellowstone National Park 47 year old woman from Phoenix suffered significant injuries to chest and abdomen. She was walking away from the animal and it charged. She was taken to the hospital. She was about 20 there people are told to stay 25 yards away from bison.

Nobody knows exactly how far away she was when it charged. But they said they can get very easily agitated during mating season, which is now and goes all the way from mid July through mid August. It's the first time this year a bison has gored someone at the park. So yeah, just stay away from them. Don't get near them. Don't try to be taking no selfies. You know, they are animals. They're a little temperamental right now.

So keep that in mind. We have a lot more on the way. Don't go anywhere more the show after this. If you get the email newsletter, you guys see my top story. It wasn't my top story was just the first link because I found I found the Photoshop and I thought it was hysterical.

Y'all remember when we it was what last week when Janet Yellen was in China repeatedly bowing like a cartoon to Xi Jinping or not Xi Jinping, but the one of the deputy ministers there of the CCP. And we were like, that's kind of weird because it was weird, right? Wasn't it weird? It was weird the way she kept bowing like that.

Apparently she's on shrooms. Do you guys hear about this story? Why are you saying that? Like, yeah, I figured.

Why are you saying that like that? I saw it over the weekend and I saw how the news buried it. They didn't even want to talk about it. So someone made her look like Toad from Super Mario Brothers and it's hysterical. So she apparently ate psychedelic mushrooms in China. Now, the chef there says, oh, no, they weren't the psychedelic kind. I don't believe you because I would not put it past the CCP to have their crazy little chef. Give her some give her some psychedelic shrooms.

I totally do not at all doubt. Now, the story goes like this. So she had and I'm going to try to say this, Jiang Shuqing. It is a type of wild mushroom with unpredictable psychedelic effects. And CNN said that she nipped into a casual Beijing restaurant after landing, where she exhibited excellent skills with her chopsticks like it's hard. And then she said, one food expert told the Chinese state news.

See, it sounds like they're making fun of her. One food expert told the state news agency there, you thought you were walking straight, but you just fell sideways in the potent powers of the mushroom. There was one professor who told CNN, quote, I have a friend who mistakenly ate them and hallucinated for three days. The restaurant now here's where it gets weird. So the New York Post has this story, where they said that Yellen stopped at this restaurant, Yi Zu Yi Wang, which means in and out in English. And a lot of people were talking about this on all of the Chinese social media. And the restaurant said of her visit, quote, it was an extremely magical day. That's what they said. Because she was bowing like a fruit loop. I know the rest. That was the restaurant's statement from the New York Post. Okay, so now here's the story. It's CNN mushroom diplomacy, US Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen sets off a culinary craze in China.

She didn't set it off. It's been clearly a craze already. But they said that it was the Jiang Shuqing, a highly sought after mushroom. We're talking about shrooms.

Yeah, we are because Janet Yellen ate them. And that's why apparently she was bowing like a fruitcake. They said that, that because people are just joining in like, what did I walk into?

What in Food Network hell is this? Okay. But apparently, I feel like that the Chinese media is trying to make fun of her. Whereas the United States media is going, Oh, she just set off a craze. She didn't set it off.

They've been doing it. That's why they've had the dishes there. But it is kind of weird that they said, Oh, it was a magical day. And that, you know, she went and apparently enjoyed it so much. He had four portions. So you think she was on shrooms?

I do. Jiang Shuqing apparently literally translates as See Hand Blue. It gets his name from one of its defining characteristics, the inner surface of the mushroom bruises and turns blue when you apply pressure during the slicing process. So that's apparently so they said, Yeah, well, they can be hallucinogenic. You think? So that might be a reason why she looked loopy.

I mean, it makes some sense. Did she know that they were psychedelic? I doubt it. I don't know. But that was that's pretty. It's just I don't know. It makes some sense when you see how she was.

Yeah. And as Kane said, it'll explain her take on the economy. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lashes absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.