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Finding a Godly Relationship (ft. Nicole Shah)

Clearview Today / Abidan Shah
The Truth Network Radio
July 4, 2024 12:00 pm

Finding a Godly Relationship (ft. Nicole Shah)

Clearview Today / Abidan Shah

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July 4, 2024 12:00 pm

Abraham's trust in God and his servant Eliezer is put to the test as they search for Isaac's future spouse. Eliezer's prayer for success and kindness is answered, and he finds Rebecca, who possesses qualities such as hard work and kindness. The story of Isaac and Rebecca serves as a reminder to trust in God's plan and to look for qualities that matter in a partner, rather than physical beauty. The importance of patience, faith, and being aware of one's own family dynamics are also emphasized.

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This episode of Clearview Today is brought to you by Le Bleu Ultra Pure Water.

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Fun fact, no. I have to make my own with McDonald's Sprite, and you guessed it, Texas Pete. I am genuinely horrified to hear that.

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Where's my Mountain Dew? You're listening to Clear View Today with Dr. Abidhan Shah, the daily show that engages mind and heart for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I'm John Galantis, and you can find the show online at ClearViewTodayShow.com. Or if you have a question for Dr. Shah, anything you'd like to write in, suggest we talk about here on the show, send us a text at 252-582-5028. You can also email us at contact at ClearViewTodayShow.com. You can help us keep the conversation moving forward by supporting the show. You can share it online with your friends and family. Leave us a good five-star review on iTunes or Spotify. Absolutely nothing less than five stars. We're going to go ahead and do you guys a solid.

We're going to leave a couple of links right there in the description, so you can help us do just that. Today's verse of the day is coming to us, of course, from Proverbs 7 and verse 4. It says, love wisdom like a sister.

Make insight a beloved member of your family. That's one of the themes that you find in these early chapters of Proverbs. It's the value that one ought to place on godly wisdom.

This passage particularly stands out because Solomon is writing to his son. He continues to push this theme of embracing wisdom. He's comparing it to a trusted family member or friend, these kinds of people who can be trusted to understand what it is that we're experiencing, what it is we're going through in life. He's saying wisdom is like that, just like you have a friend or a family member, someone that you go to in times of trouble and you just want to let them know what's going on because you know they would understand. Solomon's saying that's what godly wisdom is like. It can empathize with you in times of trouble.

It can counsel you when you have to face decisions. It's helpful because wisdom and discretion helps you persevere in trials, knowing that God's purpose is to prove our faith and make us spiritually mature. The book of James actually says the exact same thing. It says to ask God for wisdom when you encounter trials of various kinds. The promise is that he's going to crown you with life. He's going to give you the crown of life to those who by faith endure trials. That's coming at you from the book of James. It's just a great encouragement for us to remember that in all times, not only in good times but in bad times as well, to seek godly wisdom. You can do that by reading the word of God. In fact, that's what today's episode is brought to you by the Date the Word app.

You can download it for free right now on iPhone and Android. It's designed really to bring you the word of God every single day. Every day connects today's date to God's word with the hope of making it more memorable for you. We've been having a great week here on the Clearview Today show so far. We called Ryan yesterday, saw what he was doing at camp.

We've been going through a lot of the relationship advice and the relationship godly counsel that Dr. Sean and Nicole have been doing here on the show. One thing that the people have been clamoring for that we haven't actually done this week is the gripe vine. I'm not going to lie to you guys, I felt kind of odd doing the gripe vine without Ryan. It felt like I was betraying him, much like he betrayed me by leaving.

I don't want to harp on that. Doing the gripe vine without my good buddy here, it felt wrong. Luckily, I actually had someone who wrote into the show a while back whose gripe I had been sitting on.

This is Mike S. from North Carolina, a long time fan of the show, a long time good friend. Shout out to Mike S. He wrote in and he said, one of my biggest pet peeves is phone prompts. Phone prompts. If you don't know what phone prompts are, you're going to be seeing them more and more the further we go into the future. When you call up an organization and instead of getting, hey, hello, my name is Cindy or Mike or whatever, how are you? It's an automated bot. It's an algorithm. I think it's just a voice recording, but it's this series of recordings that takes you through the menu and they're so frustrating.

Mike, I have to agree with you, but those are really, really, really frustrating. Here's the thing, I'm not an old fogey. I'm 32 years old. I've got two young ones, but I'm still in the prime of my life. I'm young, I'm hip.

I'm wow. I'm too young to be saying things like, why can't I get a person on the phone? I resent these things not because they're annoying, but because they're making me seem and act and feel older than I actually am. I'm becoming my dad. I'm so angry and frustrated about all of these automated call centers and all these automated voice responses.

I'm an introvert at heart. I don't even really like talking on the phone, but I would much prefer that than these automated systems. Mike, I'm going to go ahead and have to give an A-plus to your gripe vine, my friend.

If you guys are listening out there and you feel similar, let me know. Write into the show, 252-582-5028. What's the most irritating voice prompt you've ever heard on the line of someone? I guarantee you it was a cable company. Guarantee you.

I don't even do that. I let my wife do all that. Again, you can write in and let us know, 252-582-5028. We're going to go ahead and bring Dr. Shah and Nicole in here in just a little bit. You can visit us online at clearviewtodayshow.com.

We've got a quick word from one of our ads, and we'll be right back. Elizabeth, my darling bride, what would you say is the most beneficial thing you could do for yourself in the morning? Probably drink an entire pot of coffee when sitting.

I'd say that's a close second. The best thing you can do for yourself is to start every morning with a daily devotional. Only be one to talk about.

Well, as it turns out, we have two. Right now, you can unlock the power of daily inspiration, wisdom, and spiritual growth in our devotional series, 30 Days Through a Crisis and 30 Days to a New Beginning. Written by our pastor, Dr. Abaddon Shah, and his wife, Nicole, the 30 Days devotional series is designed to reveal new biblical truths every single day.

That's right. And every day is a new revelation to guide you on your Christian journey toward a more meaningful and purposeful life. You can pick up your copy today from our website.

That's ClearviewBC.org, where you can grab both books on Amazon, Apple Books, and Audible. That's 30 Days Through a Crisis and 30 Days to a New Beginning by Abaddon and Nicole Shah. And don't forget, these are only the first two in an expanding devotional series. So keep your eyes peeled for future installments. Thanks for listening.

Now let's get back to the show. Welcome back to Clearview Today with Dr. Abaddon Shah, the daily show that engages mind and heart for the Gospel of Jesus Christ. You can visit us online at ClearviewTodayShow.com, or you can always text us at 252-582-5028, or you can email us. Contact at ClearviewTodayShow.com. Lots of ways to get in touch with us.

We are here in the Clearview Today studio with Dr. Abaddon Shah, who is a PhD in New Testament textual criticism, alongside Permigast Nicole Shah. Very good to see you again, Nicole. It's been a fantastic evening. Might I say you are? You did it twice.

Nicholas had it in there twice. Y'all are looking good. You're looking good. We've been talking a lot about marriage, a lot about relationships this week. And you know, we actually had a gripe vine come in from somebody today, a longtime friend of the show. Mike S. from North Carolina.

Yes, very good friend. He arrested David once. Yes, he did. But I'll tell you, that's a story for another day.

Yes, it did. Mike S., he had a gripe vine, and he's fed up. You know, he's fed up with when you call someone, or especially when you call like a company or whatever, and you get these automated secretaries or whatever. It used to be bad enough.

And see, this is me. I feel like I'm not really old enough to prefer talking to people on the phone, but I really can't stand it when you get them. And it's not even like, for this option, press this. Now it's like, they want you to talk to the robot. They want you to talk to the bot. That's right. But the problem is, it can't hear you. It's a bot.

And so like, if you breathe heavy, they'll be like, I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. I don't think we'll ever go there. I don't think so. I mean, I already have enough bad... Thank you for calling Clearview Church.

Oh, if you have enough bad experiences, no. If you know your part of the station, please dial at any time. It's like Dr. Abaddon Shah. It's like, sorry, I didn't get that. Hanging up now.

Those will test you, mate. There's got to be people who work at those places who like just take that home with them. And they're like talking to their wife or something. They're like, did you take the trash out?

It's like, sorry, I didn't get that. In college, I used to work at a switchboard type thing. And I also worked at not only the switchboard, but I also worked at like, I don't think you're probably old enough to remember this, but like you would get magazines of like clothing, women's clothing. Like Sears catalog.

Yeah. And it would have a 1-800 number that you could call and order. Because this was before the days of internet. That's how we got Christmas presents when I was a kid. You had to pick it out of a Sears catalog.

I was one of those people on the other end of the line, but it was called the Tog Shop and it was out of Georgia. And we had a whole spiel that we had to say, you know, when we answered the phone. It was like a script? Yeah, it was a script. Do you remember it? No.

Do you remember any of it? I did have to say something about, you know, this is the Tog Shop. My name is Nicole Shaw.

How can I help you? No, I was going to say, I would just say my first name actually. I would never give my last name. My social security number is 241. So you didn't say, come up with a name like, my name is Michelle.

It's funny because they do that now where they'll have someone who's clearly not in the United States. And they're like, thank you so much for calling. My name's Tammy. I'm like, Tammy, your name is not Tammy. What's going on, Tammy? Hey, you down there in a Georgia, Tammy? They're like, uh, yes, sir.

I'm in the continental United States. I'm like, no, of course not. Speaking of frustrating things, you know, we've been talking about marriage and marriage in itself is not frustrating, but there's a lot of times when it comes to finding a relationship that people get frustrated, you know, they get discouraged and it can be a discouraging process. Dr. Shahz, we're going forward in our series on marriage and relationships and having God's will discern for our lives. What is your word of encouragement for today?

First God. In fact, that word is for every situation people are facing today, whether it is relationship, you are looking for somebody in your life that you can spend the rest of your life with, or you're praying for that for your somebody, your child or your grandchild or your some relative or friend, and you're praying, God, please send somebody in their lives. Don't lose heart. Don't lose hope. God is faithful. And if you pray and that person also prays in God's will, God's timing, he will send that person into their lives.

That's true. The enemy will lie to you and say, Hey, that won't happen. Just give up. It's life stinks. And you know, you were never supposed to be happy. I guess everybody else can be. Don't buy into the enemy's lies.

That's right. Know that God will guide you. He will bring you the person, trust his promises, follow his promptings. Also pray, God, make me the person who puts you first.

And in your timing, you will bring the right person who comes after you. I think that's, I think that's a big, a big point right there is we want God to bring that person into our lives. But are we the person we're supposed to be? Are we the right person for that one that God is going to bring into our lives? We don't, we don't bother with that part. We just want the right person because I'm at my default.

You know what I mean? Like I just come in this world default. This is how it made me. But the person that God's going to put in my life, my spouse now, they got to meet these checklists.

And also, am I in a right relationship with God? That's what I want. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I would say that should be your priority. Pray God helped me to be in a right relationship with you.

And then when you're ready, then let the person come. What do you think some of the, like, why is it so frustrating for people? And especially I think as they get older, they become more and more and more frustrated when they either struggling with singleness or struggling to find that one or even just that unsure that unsurety of unsurety.

I don't even know if that's a word, just that uncertainty, I guess is the word I'm looking for of, is this the person? Cause we talked about those three views where it's like, God has a specific will for your life or he doesn't, there's lots of options that you can choose from. Yeah. The relationship, which is God guiding you step by step.

I would say one primary reason why it is hard to find relationships is that men and women are different. Oh yeah. Can't you tell? Even in 2024, they're still different. Oh yeah. And it's not just men and women are different, but we are different. We have different backgrounds. We have different set of expectations.

We have what's called an independent free will. Right. Of course.

Of course. So it's not just that, Hey, I think I need to marry you and you need to say yes. It doesn't work like that.

I've already decided like it's, it's kinda in my mind, it's pretty much a done deal at this point. They have a choice. And so we have to work with that choice.

So it makes it difficult. You may like somebody, but doesn't mean they'll like you back. And then it's a, and then it becomes a thing where it's like, all right, we'll find that I like that person, but they don't like me back. How do I convince them?

How do I convince them to like me? Which on its face is, I guess it's a fair question. You know what I mean? Like how do I change your mind? Oh, I don't know if a person can change that. I mean, I guess you can with, with all the, you know, the flowers and the chocolates and the sweet nothings and the, you know, I guess so, but wouldn't you really want to make sure that they like you for the right reasons? No, if they pity me, if they pity me, I'll take that.

I'll take that if it means I don't have to be single. Yeah. Another problem in finding the right person are the risks that are involved. True. Will this person be the same person tomorrow?

Will he still love me the way he says he loves me today? So when people are struggling with those risks, it's hard for them to commit to a relationship. That's a great point. Yeah. The thing is, is that I see, I understand that, but that person or you, you know, if you're that person, you know that you're not going to be the same person in five years. That circumstances will change you. Things like that will change you. So why would, you know, why would your spouse be the same person too? Cause I think we're together.

Yeah. I know even just thinking about me, like I'm, I'm sort of that way where there's this selfishness that comes in where it's like, I'm allowed to change. I'm allowed to grow, but not you, not you because where you are right now is actually pretty convenient for me.

Like, you know what I mean? You're, you're at home, you're taking care of the kids, you're bringing in good money. So where you're at, that works for me. And I want you just to sit there.

So it keeps working for me. And I know it's kind of facetious, but I mean, I think that's how a lot of people think. And then there are baggages you bring or baggage. Uh, I have my baggage, she has her baggage. Um, the, the previous experiences in life, past relationships, you know, that's one of the, the, the downfall of our culture or the past relationships. Because when people have a dating relationship experiences, bad or painful, they tend to bring that baggage into the relationship. It's that is, that is one of the downfalls I feel of our society is the, the whole dating thing.

Because you know, you need, you have to date to meet the right person, but in the process, a lot of times you get, you get hurt. Do you remember, you guys remember that like illustration, I think a lot of pastors used to do it like church pastors and youth pastors used to do it back in like the early 2000s or whatever where it was like teaching teenagers to like save themselves from marriage and they would take the velcro and they'd stick it and it's like, Oh man, this is great. But there's some residue leftover. So then they would go, it was like tearing to teach him to be absent and, Oh, the more you stick it to stuff, the more it loses. I feel like we kind of don't talk about the emotional and spiritual and mental aspects of that with relationships too. Like you bring all those fights and all those insecurities from those past relationships to where you are right now. So some poor unsuspecting guy or girl is dating you and then you hit them with all this baggage and you're like, what the world was that? And then there's, there are conflicts that happen in relationships. So Hey, the honeymoon stage is over. And then there was a fight or there was an argument or there was some disagreement or there were some hurt feelings.

So add that as well. And then advises that we get from loved ones or pastors or self-help books, all these things when they're added on, it seems like dating just seems tough. Finding the right person seems like this insurmountable task that I just, I'd rather try to climb Mount Everest. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of funny because there's people out there and I used, I used to think this was just like kind of a joke, but there's people out there who think genuinely think that if you get into a fight, like the natural causes or the natural like, um, conclusion is you have to break up. It's like, wow, we got in a fight and it really stinks cause I really liked this relationship, but now we have to, we have to end it.

Wow. And the other person's like, no, it was just a fight. Like we can still be, I'm kind of glad I'm out of that because when we were dating that, that wasn't a thing.

I don't think unless it was a really bad fight. Yeah, it was bad. Yeah. Yeah. But today people just don't like conflict. So it's a different world.

It is. So the Bible thankfully gives us one illustration of how God helped this one man find the love of his life or this one girl find the love of her life. So it's found in Genesis 24 and this is where Abraham was well advanced in age and he felt like it was time that his son would be married. So he sends the best man on the job. He sends Eliezer to go and find, but he, he begins with a deal breaker test, right?

Where's the deal breaker? Is the morality and salvation is our morality. And are we saved or are you saved?

Yeah. Got to be saved. And I think it's really interesting because it's something that it's such a huge thing that he's trusting Eliezer with, you know, shout out to Eliezer, the matchmaker of Genesis. But I mean, it's, it's incredibly, it shows the trust that he has in this man and also the trust that he has in God that he's going to trust his son's future with this man and he's going to trust God to make it happen for him.

And he did not go himself just to make sure he doesn't, he stays objective. I believe Eliezer though spent so much time with Abraham. He knew his heart and so he knew exactly what or who I guess Abraham was looking for for his son.

Very important that first deal breaker test. But then if you notice what Eliezer does, he actually begins with prayer. Once he gets near the city of Nahor, he prays and his prayer is Genesis 24, 12. Oh Lord God of my master Abraham, please give me success this day and show kindness to my master Abraham.

Wow. What a heart prayer. I mean, both Nicole and I have prayed for our children and still do. And our prayer was not only God, would you bless them, work in their lives, make them Godly people, people who love Jesus Christ, people who walk in the word, people who are obedient to the leading of the Holy Spirit in their lives, people who are, um, the salt and light in this world, people of good character. I mean, we prayed, we prayed these things, but we also prayed for their spouses and their spouses to be, of course, cause we have two that aren't married, but we, we prayed, you know, before they were married while they were dating and I've always prayed for the future spouses. And when they were in relationships, I would literally pray, you know, if this person is the right one for my child, then make them into the Godly man, Godly woman that they need to be, you know, and if it was like for our daughters, make them the leader that they need to be, the spiritual leader that, you know, all of those things because, and then I would also pray too before they were married. I would say, I was like, if they are not the right person, please even today, take them out of their lives. Right, right.

Yeah, that's right. But the third thing is, uh, qualities, the qualities that matter. Eliezer was looking for someone who was willing to work hard. Uh, he was not looking for somebody who was, was perfect and beautiful and had all the makeup and the nice shoes or the best dress, best hair, best hair, best car. He wasn't looking for that. He was looking for somebody who was hardworking. Again, nothing wrong with nice looking good or nice shoes, a nice car or not. None of that is bad, but the qualities that matter are deeper.

Right. And if you notice his, his test was, uh, Genesis 24, 14. Now let it be that the young woman to whom I say, please let down your pitcher that I may drink. And she says, drink and I will also give your camels a drink. Let her be the one you have appointed for your servant Isaac. It's the, it's the quality of her character that he's looking for hard work because she's coming to draw water.

But also there is a sense of kindness and understanding in her spirit. Yeah. That beauty was not his top priority. It was not skin deep. Yeah. It was deeper than just what was on the surface. Is that hard do you think for young women today to look past or see past their own physical beauty and work on their character?

Do you think it was easier back when you were growing up or even back maybe during these times where you think it's something that women, I think it's always something that women have always struggled with because, um, there's always been that struggle of being young, of always looking young or, you know, looking younger, you know, and I mean, even back in the times in, in Egyptian history, women were wearing makeup back then. So, I mean, so it's, it's not a new thing. It's not new. Yeah. True. And so it's important to make sure you make a list of qualities that you're praying, God, let this be in this person.

And then, um, be patient and wait. Yeah. Eliezer did not just immediately jump in and say, Hey, are you the one? Are you the one?

Is she the one? He just waited by the well. And sometimes, uh, an individual who is single, I don't care whether you need twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, sixties, you're, you're sitting there waiting and like, okay, I'm just going to take the next person and then it doesn't work out. And then he disappointed her and all along.

I like the, um, the example you gave. Um, I don't remember when it was, but, um, I don't believe it was in a sermon. It could have been, but you said, you know, when you're, if you're single and you're looking for that person, you know, you need to get a, get on with your life and serving God in the ways that he's called you to. But as you're going along, look to your right and to your left to see who is, who is there alongside who's doing the same thing. And that could be a clue.

Yeah. You know, I can't, I can't imagine being single in my thirties and I don't, I don't say that like as an insult or disparaging anyone, but I can imagine that's very difficult because you're, it is a lot of waiting. It's a lot. And it's, it's like for me even, I'm, I'm very impatient by nature. And so, um, I think God had mercy on me there, but I just can't imagine the strength that it takes to wait on God.

And I know that sounds silly, but it's not at all. It's, it's difficult. Learn to be patient. Don't give up. Don't let your emotions get the best of you. Don't get frustrated and mad. And usually people get angry with themselves or angry with their parents or angry with their circumstances or even angry with God.

And none of those things ever help you. That's right. That's right. Always remember those negative things that you're saying about people, family, self, world, God actually makes the process even more difficult. You know, one of the things you said in one of the prior episodes was about how you look at people's families, you know, how, when their families come alongside, like you, you're not just marrying that person, you're also marrying into their family. And that's, that's one thing that I believe that, uh, young people and even people who are older fail to realize that you're not just marrying that individual. You're bringing in that family.

And so you really need to pay attention to, you know, does the family have the same values that I do, um, get to know them very well because they are going, they are going to be in your life. And I've seen it before where it's like you find a girl that you like or you find a guy that you like or whatever and, and your, their family is like, you can tell there's some red flags here, but she doesn't seem that way. He doesn't seem that way. So you trick yourself and you're like, yeah, it's not going to ever really influence us at all. And you don't realize that it's in that person. They even, they can't escape it. And again, I'm not going to make it bad because if you grew up in a certain family that either they're not Christians or they have a lot of baggage, I don't want to just, uh, label somebody unfairly because you didn't ask for that family.

It just happens. So this is not like bad, Oh, you're out. What I'm, what we're saying is at least be aware of that.

And then one big one is don't lose your sense of humor in this process. Uh, don't lose your sense of humor because what's funny is it says in Genesis 2463 and Isaac went out to meditate. Now here's the thing about that word meditate. It's a rare word in technical terms is called a hapax legomenon.

Hapax legomenon is like this word does not occur anywhere else. So often people say he was praying or he was meditating or he was just walking. That word, interestingly, it has the idea of relieving himself. He's out there. He's taking care of business. He's taking care of business. He's taking care of business.

He's seen a man about a horse. I hear him. Yeah. Yeah. That's what it's got to be. So when you have like such a romantic story, instead you have the dude out there. Yeah. And it's love at first sight too.

That's it. That's the way she met her husband. And verse 64, then Rebecca lifted her eyes and when she saw Isaac, she dismounted from her camel. The word is not dismounted. It's like fell off. She fell off the camel.

She fell off the camel. Yeah. Yeah. Are you okay Nicole? I hope.

Imagine that was the first time you ever saw Dr. Shah when you met him for the first time he's out in the field. I'm doing business and Nicole's falling off the camel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He had to go just talk to a man about a horse. I just can't. I mean, when he, when he actually preached this sermon and when he said that I was like, really? It's the first time you ever see your future husband. Yeah.

He's a good looking dude, but I just didn't, man. I just wish I didn't see that. And she falls off.

But King James makes, makes it even funnier to me. She lighted off a camel. She lighted off.

What does that mean? Like the camel's cigarette. She's like, the camel just like reared up and bucked her off or something.

I don't know. Light it off. I mean, that's pretty much, she fell off.

Just fell, just slipped off. Light off a camel. If you remember camel cigarettes. Oh, the camel cigarette.

Man, I hadn't thought about those in years. My parents didn't smoke camel. They smoked Vantage.

I didn't, I hadn't thought about camel cigarettes in a long time. And so anyways, they were engaged. She didn't immediately move in with him.

They had a wedding of course, and they had ups and downs, but they had to learn to love one another. So this is, I hope this will give somebody some hope. I think so. I think it's a great episode and it's a great reminder for you guys. If you're feeling frustrated in that search, don't because God is going to do something great and he wants to. And part of, part of that is through listening to this radio show. We hope that we're bringing you some encouragement in that search. You can visit us online at cleerviewtodayshow.com or if you want to text us in, maybe tell us how your search is going. Anyways, that we can be praying for you during that time.

You can do that. Two five two five eight two five zero two eight. We're going to come back for one more episode with Permiguess Nicole Shaw tomorrow. We're going to be doing lightning round. Listen, this is lightning round couples edition. So text us your couple related questions, Mary related questions. These are questions we've already had some been holding on to them, but tomorrow that is lightning round edition, lightning round couples edition. We'll see you guys there at cleerviewtodayshow.com.

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