To Marry or Not to Marry? (Part 4 of 4)

Music Playing There are others who want to marry but have not yet found a life partner.

So how can those who are single make the most of their singleness, whether it's just for the time being or for all of life? We'll find out today on Truth for Life. Alistair Begg is teaching from 1 Corinthians chapter 7 or in verses 25 through 40. Music Playing The longing of Paul's heart in all of this is to see men and women, irrespective of their married state, given over to the service of God without distraction. The kind of thing that you find in Hebrews chapter 11, where it says of Abraham, describing him in verse 8, "'By faith, Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance,' this is, "'Go, Abraham!' and he went in obedience. He obeyed and he went, even though he did not know where he was going.

Why? For he was looking forward to the city with foundations whose architect and builder is God." The prospect of a heavenly city so changed his view of his earthly pilgrimage that he was prepared to leave his country, his family, and everything that represented security to him. And Jesus said, "'Come, follow me.' And the man said, "'I have married a wife.' And Jesus said, "'Come, follow me.' And the man said, "'I have bought a field.' And Jesus said, "'Come, follow me.' And the man said, "'I must first bury my father.'" And you remember Jesus' answer to all three statements.

He probably would not have been invited onto many Christian talk shows to expound his theology. Let the dead bury the dead. How hard, how unfeeling, how unfamilylike, how eternal a perspective. In a moment, any one of us may be called from time into eternity, and our pilgrimage is over.

That's why this is so important. Now, in verses 25 to 28, he provides a recommendation. He says in verse 25, now, about virgins or single people. I don't have a direct, express quote from Jesus, but I'm giving you a judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy.

I have a recommendation for you. And this is where we come directly to his use of this phrase because of the present crisis. He says, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. If you've never been married, if you are a virgin, then I think that singleness, he says, makes good sense. However, verse 27, if you are married, I don't suggest that you get divorced. And if you are unmarried, presumably someone who has previously been divorced or their spouse has died, he says, I don't think that you should look for a wife. Now, in relation to the whole issue of singleness, as we saw last time, his instruction makes good sense. Because, as he says at the end of verse 28, those who marry will face many troubles in this life. So he says, if you're single, it's my best judgment that you just remain as you are. It is one thing to face persecution and the possibility of death as a single person, quite another to face it as a married person. Because a married person who has children and a spouse is going to face persecution and death with a whole ton more considerations. And he says, in light of the present crisis, I think it's good for you just to remain as you are. Because children sweeten labors, as one has said, but they make misfortunes more bitter. Paul is not suggesting for a moment that celibacy is something that is more spiritual, but rather he is saying that in the light of the context, celibacy, he believes, is more sensible.

And there's all the difference in the world between those two things. And he says, however, if marriage takes place, it's not sin, verse 27, but rather, when high seas are raging, it's no time to change ships. So he says, we're in a time of great crisis.

I think it's better that you just hold fire and stay exactly as you are. Then verses 29 to 31 come, which we tried to unfold last time, and in that we have an exposition of the principle. And now we go to verses 32 to 34, where he gives us an illustration. His concern is that they would be spared trouble, verse 28, and that they would be free from concern, verse 32.

I would like you, he says, to be free from concern. Now, again, we have to understand that his great ideal and the longing of his heart is to see men and women serving the Lord without distraction. Singleness is not holier, but from Paul's perspective here, it has practical advantages, and those who have been given the gift of singleness, a la verse 7, will enjoy fewer distractions and they will have more freedom in serving the Lord. In contrast, he says, the married man or woman has an inevitable twofold concern.

And we alluded to this last time. Verse 33, but a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world, how he can please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the same thing again in verse 34, but a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world, how she can please her husband.

And this distraction is a real distraction. I think, the little that I travel, I understand why it is that God gave to someone like John Stott the gift of singleness. Because, for example, in this past week, as I left, I was no sooner out the door than I was thinking about coming back. And all the time that I was gone, between the responsibilities that I faced, there was always the underlying concern for my wife and for my children, inevitably so, and all the time, and even in the midst of proclamation or even in the midst of doing things. Given the gift of singleness, those concerns do not arise. Certainly there are others, there must be, but they are not those.

And that's exactly what he's pointing out here. Lightfoot says, a man who is a hero in himself becomes a coward when he thinks of his widowed wife and his orphaned children. Despite the great mystique that I've created around my enjoyment of flying, I want you to know that when I was a young man and single, flying never cost me a thought. Maybe I was just so dumb I didn't realize much, but it never concerned me.

And it's only in these last years that it has ever been a concern to me. And I think it is because of this that while a man may be a hero in himself, he becomes a coward when he thinks of his widowed wife and his orphaned children. And you men know that. You know the burden that you carry.

And so do you ladies. When you see the ham-fisted efforts of your husband as he endeavors to help you in a number of your projects, and you imagine being taken out of that context and him being left with your children, you cry out to God that he would save you a little longer if for no other reason than to preserve your family from that incredible potential chaos. Now in contrast, in contrast, both the divorcee and the virgin have, because of fewer family demands, the opportunity to be more fully devoted to the Lord's work.

And that's what he's saying here. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs, how he can please the Lord. Oh, is he?

Is he? Is this the credo for singles ministry? Is this what we see in singles ministry? A whole group of unmarried men and women who have an all-consuming concern for the Lord's affairs and how they might give themselves to the Lord and to his work? I believe there is an implicit challenge in this phraseology, an implicit challenge to the single community to discover the vital God-given role they can and should be playing in the purposes of God—a unique role, a role that is directly related to the time at your disposal, to the resources entrusted to you, to the gifts that God has given you, and you have been placed at this point in time. And as heaven's perspective dawns upon your life, it is the objective of heaven that these single people, unmarried people, would be hopelessly devoted to Christ. But actually it doesn't say that.

Isn't this interesting? It says an unmarried man is concerned not about the Lord, but about the Lord's affairs. This actually helps my thesis that I began earlier on, that you can't divorce the Lord from his affairs. See, what does it mean to be devoted to the Lord without being devoted to the Lord's affairs? The unmarried man is devoted to the Lord's affairs, to the Lord's work!

It must surely be an amazing sight from the portals of heaven to see singles preoccupied with roller skating and dating and commiserating about their apparently sorry lot in life. Singles, you have a strategic role in the kingdom of God. Surely, at a time like this, it would be from a population of single people that God might raise up stalwarts in our day. Because after all, most of us who have married have already set up our little shrine to our family.

And to that we continually run. And you watch us as we continually talk about family, family, family, family, and you wonder, do these people have nothing else to talk about except their family? Wouldn't we expect them to talk about the Lord and his affairs? Well, of course we would if they were committed first to the Lord and to his affairs.

But if we were committed first to our family and were squeezing the Lord into our week, then that may be the preoccupation of our speaking, and of course it is in many cases. So singles, give us a lead. Strike out for Christ. Take initiative. Be zealous.

Be imaginative. Let us hear from you. Let us hear your heart as you think about the great cause of world evangelization.

Let us hear from you as you think these issues out. We are thankful for the unique and gifted people that God has given us in this church. Now in verse 35, he explains his motivation as we've previously noted. He says, I'm saying this for your own good. I don't want to restrict you.

Put a big noose around your neck. But he says, I want you to live in a right way. I want you to live in undivided devotion to the Lord. He then rounds out the chapter by providing application to widows in verses 39 and 40, and to engaged couples in verses 36 and 37. Now, you need to know that verses 36 and 37 are beset with difficulties. That is why many of you will have two versions in your Bible. You will have the two verses written in the paragraph text in front of you, and then you will have the verses 36 to 38 as a footnote in your Bible.

And if you take time to read the two translations, you will notice that they are not exactly what you would call syncretized. I want to assure you that I've done this study on this, okay? Therefore, I'm prepared to engage in dialogue concerning it. My best judgment has been that to try and give you the ramblings of my study in relationship to these verses would probably be counterproductive. So therefore, I've had to reach a conclusion, and my conclusion is the one I share with you.

To help me reach my conclusion, I was reading J. B. Phillips, found that Phillips's paraphrase of verses 36 and 37 was in accord with the NIV translation. So let me read verses 36 and 37 as Phillips paraphrases it. If any man feels he is not behaving honorably towards the woman he loves, especially as she's beginning to lose her first youth and the emotional strain is considerable, let him do what his heart tells him to do, let them be married.

There's no sin in that. Yet for the man of steadfast purpose, who is able to bear the strain and has his own desires well under control, if he decides not to marry the young woman, he too will be doing the right thing. Both of them are right—one in marrying and the other in refraining from marriage.

But the latter has chosen the better of two right courses. And basically, he ends up where he had begun. If you want, he says, to live a life of undivided devotion to Jesus Christ, there can be no question that since marriage brings with it distractions and difficulties, you will be better served if God gives you the gift of singleness. And we have to continue to come back to that. If God gives to you that ability that we considered in the opening fifteen verses of the chapter, without that gift, then we would burn with physical desire, or we would live with an embittered soul. We're not talking about that.

We're not talking about some disgruntled perspective on life, either within marriage or outside of marriage, but that people would be contented within the role that God has given them. And there are examples of that. Helen Rosevear is an example of that.

A gift of singleness and the great book, Give Me This Mountain. John Stodd, as I've mentioned, is an example of that. Richard Lucas is an example of that. The little man that I often quote, T.S.

Mooney from Northern Ireland, is an example of that. Eighty-three years of life he lived, all as a single man, completely devoted to the Lord and his work, able to give his time unstintingly for fifty years every Sunday afternoon to a boy's Bible class in Londonderry, Northern Ireland. So much so that hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of young men throughout the world today owe their spiritual life to T.S. Mooney, to whom God gave the gift of singleness. Therefore, those of us who have been given the privileges of marriage need to recognize that with the joys come great concerns and responsibilities, and we ought not to be flippant. We ought also to beware lest the very marriage that God has given us becomes a ball and chain which binds us and restrains us from ever discovering our true usefulness in the kingdom. And those of us who perhaps have been unwilling to accept that the reason that God has sustained us through these years and has not provided for us in marriage is because he has given to us the gift of singleness. The problem is not that he's given the gift.

The problem is that we just want to throw it back at him all the time. Some of us are going to have to get down on our knees and thank God for that gift and offer up our lives to him in undivided devotion, no matter what it means, no matter how apparently lonely, no matter we do not enjoy what we thought would be our lot. Let me remind you, then, the context of his teaching was because of a present crisis, because the time was short, and because the world was passing. The concern of his teaching was their perfection, their protection, their provision, and their devotion.

And the content of his teaching is, I think you would agree, practical and relevant and life-changing. There are unique privileges and responsibilities for married couples, and there are unique privileges and responsibilities in singleness. We can be both content and useful to God, no matter our relationship status. You're listening to Truth for Life. That is Alistair Begg concluding the message to marry or not to marry.

He'll be back in just a minute to close with prayer. We're currently in a series titled We Two Are One. Alistair's book, Lasting Love, is the perfect supplement to this current study. In the book, Alistair examines the biblical design for marriage, including the important roles of husbands and wives. As you read the book, you'll learn how to protect your marriage to ensure that it honors God and lasts a lifetime.

You'll also learn how to avoid common stumbling blocks that can ruin a marriage. There's even a study guide in the back of the book to prompt further discussion and help you apply the teaching. Request the book, Lasting Love, when you donate to Truth for Life at truthforlife.org slash donate or give us a call at 888-588-7884. And by the way, Lasting Love is an excellent book to use in premarital counseling or in marriage ministries.

You can buy extra copies of the book at our cost for just $4 when you visit the online store at truthforlife.org slash store. Studying God's Word together is a great way to strengthen your marriage and your family, and that's why I want to tell you about the New City Catechism. You're probably familiar with that term, catechism. Catechisms have been used by churches for centuries. They're a helpful way to teach core Christian beliefs. Today we're making available the New City Catechism. This is a collection of 52 questions and answers that use updated language to guide you through the foundations of the Christian faith. The New City Catechism comes in a flip book format.

You can set it on your nightstand or your kitchen counter. You flip the page to a new question and answer each week for an entire year. And if you have young children, you can teach them the abbreviated children's answers to the questions. This is a fun way to facilitate understanding the basics of Christianity. View the New City Catechism flipbook online at truthforlife.org slash store, and there you can purchase copies at our cost of $6. Now here's Alistair with prayer. Our gracious God and Father, how we need the ministry of the Spirit of God within our lives so that your Word may take root within us. As we study these verses, they're neither easy to comprehend, nor to teach, nor to receive, nor to apply. And so we want to set ourselves free from any sense of human manipulation, anything that is totally earthly, and we want to embrace that which is heavenly and divine.

And we ask for discrimination to know the difference between the two. We pray that you will make us in whatsoever state we are therein to be content. Whether we live in singleness anticipating the joy of marriage, or whether we live in singleness realizing that as day follows day, you are satisfying our longings as no one else could do, and we're wondering what our lot in life might be, give to his vivid imaginations, obedient hearts, a great concern for your kingdom. And within the framework of marriage, Lord, help us to put God first, not to try and invert Matthew 6 33, seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all the other things will be added unto you. Save us from the kind of behavior that is neglectful because of selfish pride, because we're driven just by a desire to do things, because we think that the more we do, the more spiritual we might become. And grant that within the context of our fellowship with one another, as we learn from each other, as we see your Word applied in one another's lives, as we ask questions of those who are older, that we might be raised up to shine as lights in the middle of a society that neither knows how to cope with singleness nor what to do with marriage. Make us, Lord, in practical terms, a peculiar people when it comes to moral purity, marital fidelity, and genuine contentment. Hear our prayer, O God, and let the cries of our hearts come unto you.

For Jesus' sake we ask it. Amen. I'm Bob Lapine. Thanks for listening. We hope you have a great weekend and are able to worship with your local church. On Monday, we'll hear how social media and advertisements frequently suggest, either blatantly or subtly, that our significance is directly related to our appearance. But should that play a role in our search for a potential spouse? Alistair offers godly and practical advice on Monday. The Bible teaching of Alistair Begg is furnished by Truth for Life, where the Learning is for Living.