To Marry or Not to Marry? (Part 3 of 4)

Whether you're married or single, making God your central priority can be hard work for you. How do husbands and wives serve God faithfully without neglecting their marriage or their family?

Is it better if you're single just to stay single, not get married? Alistair Begg answers questions like these today on Truth for Life. Father, we're grateful for the privilege you've given us to sing your praise and to be reminded in these words of song that when the perspective of eternity casts light upon our pathway, things are different. And we pray that as we look to your holy Word tonight, that the perspective of eternity may dawn upon our souls afresh as it relates to the most practical of questions concerning singleness and marriage and family. Teach us, Lord, so that we might know ourselves to be under the instruction of the Word of God and that we might see Jesus, in whose name we pray. Amen. Let me invite you to take your Bible and we'll turn to 1 Corinthians 7 once again.

Tremendous power in God's Word. It's a great privilege to just be able to teach it consecutively as we try to do. Our concern last time in verses 25 to 40, we began to look at under the heading to marry or not to marry. If you're here tonight without the benefit of the study of last time, then our title simply remains the same.

We would put a 2 after it. And last time we noted that the content or the context of his teaching was in light of the fact that as he says in verse 26, there was a present crisis. As he then went on to point out in verse 29, the time is short. And then in verse 31, this world in its present form is passing away. We then went on from the context to the concern of his teaching to see that his concern was that they might be protected, that they might be provided for, and that they might live in the right way in devotion.

As verse 35 points out, I'm saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord. We then said that when we get to grips with the context of the teaching and the concern of the teaching, then we're in a better position to be able to understand the content of the teaching. And we suggested that verses 29 to 31 were at the heart of this and look together to the fact that when we realize that crisis and the brevity of time and the passing world, it will change the way that we look at all these things that he mentions here.

We dealt with them in reverse order, the way in which we will deal with culture, with possessions, with happiness, with death, and with relationships. And we were working, as it were, from the bottom of the page to the top, and we left it last time, without considering the second sentence in verse 29, at least the first part of it, which is where we begin our study tonight. An eternal perspective changes the way we view relationships. It is because of that that he is able to say, from now on, those who have wives should live as if they had none. Now those of us who are alert will find ourselves immediately referring to the fifth verse, which we studied some weeks ago now, where we were reminded of the mutual obligation that exists within the framework of marriage, that there is to be no deprivation of one another, especially in the physical realm. And so it clearly cannot be that Paul is contradicting himself in a matter of some twenty-four verses, nor can it be that he is contradicting himself at all. So when he says, from now on, those who have wives should live as if they had none, he is not setting aside the instruction he has already given.

What he is saying is this. Marriage should not reduce the believer's obligation to the Lord and the Lord's work. Let me say it again, because I believe this is the principle. Marriage should not reduce the believer's obligation to the Lord and the Lord's work. The responsibilities of marriage, and right along with them the responsibilities and privileges of family—and I think we're justified in absorbing that within this heading—these responsibilities are no excuse whatsoever for slackness when it comes to the things of Christ and his kingdom. In other words, we cannot allow our relationships with one another, whatever those relationships, however prized they might be, to be a ground for removing ourselves from the realm of obligation to the Lord and his work. When we do that, we invert the priorities which God has given us. And I hope you will misunderstand me when I say that I think that largely that is the predicament of the church in our day, that we have in fact inverted the priorities which God has given us, and that is one of the reasons that we find ourselves as we are.

And what I mean by that is this. It is customary to hear people state their personal priorities as follows. You may want to write these down, because there is a more than even chance that this is how you would state your priorities. They go like this—God, family, the Lord's work or the church, daily employment, leisure, and so on.

I want to suggest to you tonight that number two and number three are in the wrong order. That true biblical priorities should read God, and then God's work, and then family. Because it is not possible to separate the Lord from the Lord's work. What does it mean to be devoted to the Lord in abstract?

How would we ever explain to somebody what devotion to the Lord is, unless that devotion is expressed in a commitment to the Lord's work? I want to recognize along with you tonight that there have been abuses and there remain abuses towards family living that have been directly related to a commitment to the Lord's work, or so we're told. And people have said that they have abused their family because of their commitment to the Lord. However, I want to suggest that on the basis of God's word, it doesn't have to be that way.

It's not an either-or situation. And the fact that people have abused their families because of their commitment to the Lord's work is hardly sufficient grounds for justifying the new abuse, which is the deification of marriage and the deification of family and the denigration of the Lord's work. Now, this is a hard thing to teach tonight in a society that has spent millions of dollars scrambling for an understanding of family values. And I hope that you won't knee-jerk in your reaction too quickly, because I'd like you to try and think this through with me. Clearly, the Bible is not suggesting the denigration of family or of marriage or of our spouses. It can never do that.

There is no question but that the Bible gives pride of place to all of those relationships within the framework that God has intended. But this has got to mean something. From now on, those who have wives should live as if they don't have wives. What does that mean? Don't come home? What does that mean?

Sleep in separate rooms? What does that mean? Speak once a year? No, it doesn't mean that. It can't mean that. Don't you think that what Paul is providing here by way of instruction is right in line with what Jesus taught on a number of occasions? And let me give to you Luke chapter 14 and verse 26. Luke 14, 26 reads as follows, If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters, yes, even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Now, that is a quote from Jesus himself.

That is radical instruction. That is Jesus' instruction. And that, I believe, is key to what Paul is saying here. When eternity's values begin to shine upon the pathway of our lives, it changes everything.

In much the same way that that song by Andrew Lloyd Webber, Love, love changes everything, how you live and how you die. And what Paul is saying is, eternity changes everything, how you live and how you die, and how you deal with the whole question of relationships, not least of all within the context of marriage and of family. Think with me tonight for a moment how the cause of the gospel is impacted negatively as a result of our unwillingness to take Jesus at his word and to put himself and his work before our families. Remember that you can never ever put anything in order that God says to put in order and discover that it is detrimental to your family.

Okay? If you obey God rather than obey your father and mother, because your father and mother demand that you engage in ancestor worship, then God will take care of your relationship with your father and your mother, because you are obeying the great commandment, which is to love him with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind and all your strength. God will always take care of those things when we get the order correct. Think of how many families tonight, because of a commitment to family, deprive their family of the opportunity of worship and instruction on the Lord's day. Think of how many people absent themselves from worship amongst the people of God and the opportunity to be instructed from the Word of God because of a commitment to family. That is their decision to make. But think how those same families will rearrange the time of breakfast and the time of dinner on every other day of the week in order to accommodate music lessons, ensemble singing groups, swim meets, and basketball practices. And ask yourself this question, Is there not some correlation between these two things?

Think it out, you're sensible people. When Paul says here that we need to have eternity shine onto our family life and specifically onto our relationship with our wives, what he's saying is this. Remember what Jesus said in Matthew 22 30, at the resurrection, people will neither marry nor be given in marriage. They will be like the angels in heaven. It will not always be this way. And eternity is going to be a very long time in relationship to the time that we enjoy right now.

If however, we live completely earthbound in terms of culture and death and possessions and relationships, then we will live in the exact same way as lives the world. But whenever this shines in upon us, it will begin to change the way we're thinking. Now, Paul is not teaching the neglect of our spouses.

I can't overstress that. But he is showing how an eternal perspective will radically change when we spend time together and how we spend that time together. Since our children will live in eternity, either in heaven or in hell, surely it is a priority to bring them under the instruction of the Word of God, which may shine their pathway to heaven, rather than to sit having a family time that may lead them on the road to hell. Our children are able to determine what priorities are for us. We don't need to write them on a blackboard.

We just need to live. The way in which we guide our wives is going to be an indication to them of what we regard as very important. Honey, I don't want you to miss that class. You know how much you like your painting. You know how much you love the music.

You know how much you enjoy those people. And that's fine. But does she find the same commitment when it comes to the things of Christ, to her becoming a godly woman who's going to live as a single for all of eternity? Listen to John Calvin. All the things which make for the enriching of this present life are sacred gifts of God. But we spoil them by our misuse of them.

If we want to know the reason why, it is because we are always entertaining the delusion that we will go on forever in this world. The result is that the very things which ought to be of assistance to us in our pilgrimage through life become the chains which bind us. So God gave you a wife to be an assistance to you through life. If you begin to worship your wife and worship your time with your wife, then that may be the very chain which harnesses and deprives you of usefulness in the kingdom of God. The longing of Paul's heart in all of this is to see men and women, irrespective of their married state, given over to the service of God without distraction. The kind of thing that you find in Hebrews chapter 11, where it says of Abraham, describing him in verse 8, By faith, Abraham, when called to go to a place, he would later receive as his inheritance, later receive as his inheritance. This is not instant gratification, folks.

This is not what do I get and when do I get it. This is go, Abraham. And he went in obedience. He obeyed and he went even though he did not know where he was going. By faith, Abraham made his home in the promised land. Like a stranger in a foreign country, he lived in tents, as did Isaac and Jacob, who were heirs with him of the same promise.

Why? For he was looking forward to the city with foundations whose architect and builder is God. The prospect of a heavenly city so changed his view of his earthly pilgrimage that he was prepared to leave his country, his family, and everything that represented security to him. And Jesus said, Come, follow me. And the man said, I have married a wife. And Jesus said, Come, follow me. And the man said, I have bought a field. And Jesus said, Come, follow me. And the man said, I must first bury my father. And you remember Jesus' answer to all three statements.

He probably would not have been invited onto many Christian talk shows to expound his theology. Let the dead bury the dead. How hard, how unfeeling, how unfamily-like, how eternal a perspective. In a moment, any one of us may be called from time into eternity and our pilgrimage is over.

That's why this is so important. Now, in verses 25 to 28, he provides a recommendation. He says, this is what I want you to do. Although Jesus has provided no direct instruction on this, he says, and when Paul says that, we need to realize that his words are no less divine and authoritative, because as David has read for us tonight, all Scripture is God-breathed. He says in verse 25, now about virgins or single people, I don't have a direct express quote from Jesus, but I'm giving you a judgment as one who by the Lord's mercy is trustworthy.

I have a recommendation for you. And this is where we come directly to his use of this phrase because of the present crisis. He says, I think that it is good for you to remain as you are. If you've never been married, if you are a virgin, then I think that singleness, he says, makes good sense. However, verse 27, if you are married, I don't suggest that you get divorced. And if you are unmarried, presumably someone who has previously been divorced or their spouse has died, he says, I don't think that you should look for a wife. Now, in relation to the whole issue of singleness, as we saw last time, his instruction makes good sense. Because, as he says at the end of verse 28, those who marry will face many troubles in this life. Paul is not suggesting for a moment that celibacy is something that is more spiritual, but rather he is saying that in the light of the context, celibacy he believes is more sensible.

And there's always the difference in the world between those two things. And he says, however, if marriage takes place, it's not sin, verse 27, but rather, when high seas are raging, it's no time to change ships. So he says, we're in a time of great crisis.

I think it's better that you just hold fire and stay exactly as you are. Then verses 29 to 31 come, which we tried to unfold last time, and in that we have an exposition of the principle, and now we go to verses 32 to 34, where he gives us an illustration. His concern is that they would be spared trouble, verse 28, and that they would be free from concern, verse 32.

I would like you, he says, to be free from concern. Now, again, we have to understand that his great ideal and the longing of his heart is to see men and women serving the Lord without distraction. Singleness is not holier, but from Paul's perspective here, it has practical advantages, and those who have been given the gift of singleness, a la verse 7, will enjoy fewer distractions, and they will have more freedom in serving the Lord. In contrast, he says, the married man or woman has an inevitable twofold concern, and we alluded to this last time. Verse 33, but a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world, how he can please his wife, and his interests are divided. And same thing again in verse 34, but a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world, how she can please her husband.

And this distraction is a real distraction. Whatever our marital status, our central focus, our main priority, should be God and his kingdom. You're listening to Truth for Life with Alistair Begg. We hope that each day as you listen to Truth for Life, you are growing in your relationship with Jesus, and you should know that this program is entirely funded by listeners like you. In fact, Alistair's teaching comes to you at no cost because of the generous monthly giving that comes from your fellow listeners known as Truth Partners. All this month our prayer is that God will substantially grow our Truth Partner team. So if you've been listening for a while but you've not yet moved from listening to partnering, we want to encourage you to do that today. Your monthly donation will help bring these gospel messages to someone else, the same way that another listener brought today's message to you.

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Box 398000, Cleveland, Ohio 44139. I'm Bob Lapine. Thanks for listening today. How do you make the most of singleness, whether it's just for the time being or for the remainder of your days? We'll find out tomorrow. The Bible teaching of Alistair Begg is furnished by Truth for Life, where the Learning is for Living.