Jesus and Marriage

Our society is going through a time of huge cultural shift. The 1960s introduced what's been called the sexual revolution. Acceptance of sex outside of marriage was prominent, and it was promoted. Divorce increased.

Drugs were in abundance. The feminist movement grew. Religion was then legalized.

Homosexuality was brought out of the closet, and so-called queer philosophy and queer theory were developed. America is great when America is good. It's very sad that we've forgotten that, haven't we?

We talk about America being great, and we want America to be great, but America is great when America is good. So, we're not too surprised, are we, at the decline of our country where increasingly we are forgetting God. We're turning our backs on biblical truth. Now, one in three marriages end in divorce.

Millions of children, yes, millions of children are raised in one-parent homes. Pornography in our country is at epidemic proportions. We have same-sex marriage. We have transgenderism.

We have confusion on what it means to be a man and a woman, and we wonder what will be next. At Calvary Church, we believe that truth is not arrived at by cultural consensus or political expediency or sentimentality or personal opinion. We believe, as I said last week, that truth is revealed, that we have a God, a living God who speaks, and a God who has spoken unmistakably in this book, the Bible, which is the very Word of God. So, we believe that when the Bible speaks, God is speaking. And so, as we come to any subject, we do what we always do. We open the Word of God and ask ourselves, what has God said on this subject?

And with respect, your views and my views, your happiness and my happiness, your psychological well-being and my psychological well-being, your personal experiences and my personal experiences are largely irrelevant. We want to consider today what Jesus has said. We believe that Jesus is God incarnate, and we have His words in Scripture, particularly in the four Gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. And we're going to look at one of these Gospels. We have, if you've been coming to Calvary Church over these months, or is it now years?

I forget. But we're going consecutively through the book of Genesis, and we come to chapter 19. And our subject this morning is Jesus and marriage. This is the first on a series, but this is a very foundational message, and it is very, very important that we grasp the truths that are presented by Jesus in this message, because these are going to be the foundation of the teaching on subjects such as divorce, the gay debate, LGBTQ+, transgenderism, and so on. This is a foundational message, Jesus and marriage. Marriage is the cornerstone. Marriage is the foundation, the building block as it were, of civilizations throughout the world, and has so functioned for thousands of years.

Don't forget that. Marriage has existed for thousands of years in all kinds of civilizations down through human history. But now, certainly in Western civilization, marriage, as it has been known, is under attack. In fact, some political and social revolutionaries want to completely demolish what they call traditional marriage.

They think by so doing, we will introduce true freedom, where there are no boundaries, no prejudices, and we've thrown away all this antiquated, out-of-date nonsense about marriage, so they believe. So, if you have your Bible, turn to Matthew chapter 19. We're looking generally in this series at the first 12 verses, but today we're going to confine our teaching to the first six verses. Now this is what Jesus is saying.

I want you to listen carefully, because this is foundational to the series as I have said. Matthew chapter 19 verse 1, now when Jesus had finished the sayings, the sayings that we have previously discussed, he went away from Galilee and entered the region of Judea beyond the Jordan. And large clouds followed him and he healed them there. And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by saying, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? He answered, have you not read that he who created them from the beginning created, made them male and female? And said, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh, so they're no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore, God has joined together, that not man separates? I want to say first of all, as we've read these verses, that marriage is ordained by God between a male and a female. Very important for us to understand the teaching of Scripture is that marriage is ordained by God as between a male and a female. Did you notice how Jesus answered as the Pharisees come to try and trap him?

They are testing him. They're very smart, but the Lord Jesus is much wiser. And notice what he says in verse 4 to the answer — when he answers their questions, he says, have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female?

He takes them right back to the beginning. That is the beginning of creation and the beginning of human history. Marriage is not a social construct. Marriage is not a human invention.

Marriage is ordained by God. It is essential that we understand that here is Adam. He's living in perfect paradise in the Garden of Eden. Wouldn't it be wonderful?

You're living in a perfect environment. Everything there is plenty, and there are plenty of animals. But Adam needs a companion. He needs a helper. I go back with me to Genesis chapter 2 to go back to the beginning that Jesus is referring to in Matthew chapter 19, Genesis chapter 2 verse 18. Then the Lord God said, it's not good that a man should be alone. Adam is alone in the perfect Garden of Eden, but it's not good for him to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him, corresponding to him.

Fit for him is the translation in the ESV. Now out of the ground, the Lord God had formed every beast of the field and every bird of the heavens and brought them to the man to see what he would call them. And whatever the man called every living creature was its name. The man gave names to all livestock and the birds of the heavens and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper fit for him. Adam is alone. He needs a companion. He doesn't need a dog or a goldfish or a cat.

He needs a wife. It's told, Scripture says, God says to him, it's not good for the man to be alone. And so God graciously brings to Adam, the first man, a helper, suitable for him, corresponding to him, fit for him. God provides to Adam a perfect fit. Eve will provide what is lacking in Adam and will do what Adam by himself cannot do. That is, Eve compliments Adam physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Eve, please note, is equal with Adam and she's also made in the image of God, Genesis 1.27. When God made us in his image, he made us male and female. So she is equal with Adam. And as we read in the revelation of Scripture, wives and husbands stand equal, men, please listen, men and women are equal in the eyes of God.

Peter says in 1 Peter 3 verse 7 that we are joined heirs of the grace of life, equal with the man. Now notice how she's made, Genesis 2 verse 21, isn't this intriguing? So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man while he slept, took one of his ribs, closed up his place with flesh, and the rib that the Lord had taken from the man, he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Notice Adam is made from one of Eve's ribs. She comes from his sight. She must have been a stunning woman right?

Perfect. Imagine Adam seeing her for the first time. Matthew Henry in his commentary says, referring to Eve coming from the side of Adam, he says this, I think this is very good. The woman was not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected and near his heart to be loved. Is that a good description of marriage?

There it is. See, the marriage relationship is one of intimacy. It's one of closeness. It's one of harmony. The woman compliments the man.

The woman is equal with the man, but please note, the woman is different from the man, male and female. And they demonstrate their perfect fit when they, man and woman, become one flesh. Verse 24 of Genesis 2, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh. And this is going to be quoted by Jesus as I read in Matthew chapter 19 verse 4. In fact, Genesis 2, 24 is the most important verse in the Bible to do with marriage. It is all of the ingredients of a true marriage.

So what's happening here in the garden? The man and the woman are brought together by God. The first marriage is between Adam and Eve and has God as a witness.

Didn't we read in Matthew chapter 19 verse 6, what therefore God has joined together, let not man put asunder. The very first marriage, God is there. When you're married, we believe very strongly that God joins us together.

That is very, very important. People say, well, marriage is just a piece of paper. Marriage is just a human contract. Well, marriage is a contract that certainly has legal implications.

No one's arguing against that. But marriage is more than a contract. Marriage is a covenant entered into between one man and one woman and witnessed by God. When I marry couples here at Calvary Church, as we stand here, as I lead them in their vows, they are reminding that they're making their vows to one another, yes, but they're doing that in the presence of God. That they're entering into a holy covenant.

Not just a contract, but a holy covenant. This is a spiritual bond because God in a very mysterious way but a very wonderful way is putting them together. The Christian marriage then is where a man and a woman are individually committed to Jesus Christ and are committed to one another. A commitment to Christ and a commitment to one another. And so, marriage, can I remind you, is a very, very serious commitment. It's a joyful commitment, but it's very serious. One study found that the most admired qualities in a spouse were integrity, caring, sensitivity, and a sense of humor. You know, if you don't have laughter in your home, I've got a problem. Sense of humor, but a sense of commitment was crucial.

I was glad to read that. A sense of commitment was crucial. I would add that a husband having a poor memory can also help.

There's no point in two people remembering the same mistakes. But marriage is a serious commitment. And it is, to say the obvious, but I'm saying the obvious, it is between male and female. Back to Matthew 19 verse 4, have you not read that He who created them from the beginning, we just saw that in Genesis 2, made them male and female. God commands male and female in Genesis 1 verses 27 and 28 to be fruitful and multiply. He's saying that to male and female. So God's plan for marriage is one man and one woman. Not two men, not two women, but a man and a woman. And Jesus says here in verse 5, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife.

The man holds fast, cleaves, not to another man, but to a woman. So from the beginning, there is a clear distinction between male and female, equal but different. And the Lord Jesus in verse 5 here in Matthew chapter 19 is quoting Genesis 2 verse 24, the most quoted verse on marriage in all of the Bible.

So here's the point, please get it because this is a tact today. According to Scripture, according to Jesus, God created two sexually distinct human beings, male and female. Our gender is created by God, it's not something we choose.

It is created by God and the physical, the emotional, the psychological differences between men and women are God-given. I was raised in a family of all boys, I had five brothers. And our first two grandchildren were boys. I like boys, I understand boys. I've never understood women, still haven't.

But I understand the male brain. Our third granddaughter is a little girl. She is so cute. She thinks she's a little princess. We tell her, princess, really, are we setting ourselves up for something that we're going to get in later years? And we're at the dinner table a number of years ago. She's now eight, nine. Pardon? She's nine, yes, she's nine. Every year we add one.

Thank you, good name. She is nine. Well, when she's much younger, I forget her age, we're at the dinner table and she's not happy with something on the plate and I just kind of look at her and basically say, you know, come and eat it up. And she begins to pout. I'm thinking, whoa, women learn this very, very early.

And she responds in a way that my grandsons would never respond. I mean, the difference between men and women is obvious, isn't it? It's ridiculous how there is a confusion as to whether someone is a man or a woman. I mean, men, we always look good looking in the morning, don't we?

Our wives kind of deteriorate during the night, but I mean, men, hey, listen, normally pastors beat up on men, so wives take the joke. I mean, you know it's true. I mean, my wife always looks good, of course, but our culture is bombarding us with a view that same-sex unions are normal and to be applauded. And the very powerful gay lobby arguably influenced our Supreme Court, which in 2015 found a right to gay marriage in the Constitution.

How ridiculous. It was a slim majority. Here is our Constitution. Do you think our founding fathers would ever have thought that in that wonderful Constitution there is a right to gay marriage?

Have we really reached the place? Probably we have, where we can define marriage in any way we want. But the teaching of God's Word is clear.

It is very, very clear. Marriage is not a private matter between two consenting people who say they love each other. That's not marriage. Marriage is ordained by God as between a man and a woman.

That's my first point. That's the clear teaching of Scripture. And we cannot remain silent in the midst of opposition. Secondly, marriage involves leaving and cleaving. Verse 5, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. Marriage is the formation, biblically, of a new family unit.

Now, please notice that the leaving comes before the cleaving. Sexual union that is, the cleaving, the becoming of one flesh, comes after the leaving. That sexual union, according to the Scriptures, is to be within marriage. Not before marriage, and not out with marriage, but within marriage.

So, singles — are you listening? — you don't live with your boyfriend before you get married. You say, well, we love each other. We're just planning — and it's so convenient.

We can share bills and it's so practical. You're following Scripture? Or no? The teaching of Scripture is that you keep yourself sexually pure until marriage. That may be regarded as old-fashioned. It may be regarded as ridiculous.

It may be regarded as impractical. But that is the teaching of Scripture. And the best preparation for purity within marriage is purity before marriage. That there is, as a couple, a man and a woman, begin to get to know each other, that they exercise self-control sexually. That is wonderful training, so that once they are married, there is also self-control. Now, what is Jesus saying in marriage? The man leaves his father and mother. The most important relationship for a husband is not his relationship with his parents, not his relationships with his siblings or his friends or his dog, but his wife.

Do you get that? In marriage, a new family, a new unit in society is being formed. So parents, please hear me.

It seems difficult for some of you. When your children get married, let them go. Let them go. It's important for them, this young couple or older couple as the case may be, they are to form a separate home, a new family unit. The psychological, the emotional apron strings, as it were, are to be cut. The man must leave his father and mother. It's true, according to Scripture, we must always honor and respect his parents. I believe I did that when I got married. I left.

I didn't have my parents telling me where I should live, telling me how many children I should have, saying you've got to be with us every Sunday for lunch and all of that kind of thing. No, we still honor and respect them, but we leave and we cleave to our wife and a new family unit is formed. Now, if the man is a mommy's boy, do we call it that a mommy's boy or a mama's boy? Do you know what I mean?

Right? I mean, who's going to admit they're a mommy's boy? Sometimes you get men in their 20s or their 30s and they have this very close relationship with their mother and it's wonderful, but it's really a bit dysfunctional because when they get married, their mother is always interfering in the marriage. Problems occur.

No, this is so practical, isn't it? Jesus is saying a man is to leave his father and mother. The husband leaves and the parents leave them alone. And in such a marriage, this couple will love one another, will respect one another, will be kind to one another, will pray together, will laugh together, will cry together in the closest of all human relationships. Isn't marriage wonderful?

Aren't you glad that God gave us this amazing gift of marriage? It involves a leaving and a cleaving. There was this 90-year-old man sitting on a park bench and he was sobbing and sobbing. And the young man was walking by and he said to the old man, he said, what is it? What's gone wrong? And through the tears, the old man said, he said, I'm crazy, in love with my 27-year-old wife. And the young man said, what's the problem with that?

And between the tears, the old man said, well, you don't understand. Every morning before she goes to work, she gets up, cooks me breakfast, kisses me and leaves. She rushes home for lunch and makes my favorite sandwich and before she leaves, she always gives me a big hug. At night, she comes, she cooks a gourmet meal, tells me how much she loves me.

We sit down on the couch and cuddle and watch TV and at this point, the old man is so emotional, he's hardly able to speak and the young man put his arm around it and said, oh, I get it. You've now discovered she's just after your money. No, said the old man, he said, I can't remember where I live.

I like that, yeah. Got this beautiful wife but you don't know where she is. But so, man, you've got to remember where she lives. You leave and cleave. Now I realize we have many singles here and you say, well, I wasn't sure if I was going to come or listen, this is about married couples.

No, it's also about you. How do you prepare for marriage? Well, you pray. And you have to acknowledge that it may not be God's will for you to marry. Not everyone gets married.

Some are called to be single. Seek God's will and be committed to be a man or a woman of God. I meet people, young man, young woman and they want to marry a strong Christian. And I think, why would a strong Christian want to marry you?

Because you're not a strong Christian. How important it is that you are a woman of God, that you are a man of God, that you are making wise decisions, that you're in prayer about your future husband or wife, that you're committed to sexual purity, that you're committed to God's timetable. You're not going to rush this, you're going to wait on God, that you believe that God is well able sovereignly to bring the right person to your life. And that your life is committed to Jesus Christ and that when you meet this man or woman who you're going to marry, that the marriage will be a marriage in the Lord and will be founded on Jesus Christ. In marriage, two people of different sexes become an indissoluble unit of one flesh. And that takes precedence over all other relationships.

That is so important. God, as it were, glues us together. We hold fast, we cleave to one another, but become one flesh in marriage. So first, marriage is ordained by God as between a male and a female. Secondly, marriage involves a leaving and a cleaving. Thirdly, marriage is an exclusive and permanent relationship.

Now we're going to see that more next week. Marriage, first, is an exclusive relationship. Did you know this in verse 5? A man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife. Well, King James was cleaved to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This becoming one flesh refers to the sexual union that consummates the marriage, symbolizing the love between a man and a woman who are abandoning themselves to each other in the most intimate, transparent, and pleasurable, and mysterious relationship.

A husband and wife are wonderful. Isn't that so sad that there's so many problems in marriage when God has given us this beautiful gift that He brings into our life this one person so that we, as it were, abandon ourselves. You know, before they'll fall, Adam and Eve were naked as a little boy.

I thought, that's odd. But as a symbol that there was nothing between them, that they have this transparent relationship. I realize no human relationship, even the best of marriages is perfect, but this is God's will for us. He brings to us the right person so that there is this abandonment of this great, intimate, transparent, pleasurable, delightful, and yet mysterious relationship. Now once you make your choice, once you're married, all other men and women are out of bounds.

Can I repeat that? Many married people here today, you're married. All other men and women are out of bounds. The writer of Hebrews makes that very clear. Hebrews chapter 13. Hebrews 13 verse 4, let marriage be held in honor among all.

We do that. Marriage is honorable. God made us as sexual beings.

There's nothing dirty. There's nothing wrong with it. No, it's honorable. Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

That's pretty strong, isn't it? The vows you made to each other were not only to love each other, but to be faithful to each other, to be loyal to each other. Adultery and all other sexual immorality is strongly forbidden by God. Thou shalt not commit adultery. It's part of the Ten Commandments, isn't it? And marital unfaithfulness cuts at the very heart of this Holy Covenant. It violates this Holy Covenant. And it is very, very serious to intrude into someone's marriage. It's destructive. It's against the commands of God.

Don't do it. Marriage is an exclusive relationship. Someone here, you've got some interest. You're a married man, a married woman. You've got some interest in someone else.

Be very, very, very careful. Your commitment is to your wife. It's to your husband.

All other people are out of bounds. Marriage is an exclusive relationship. Secondly, marriage is a permanent relationship.

Number six, what therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. Now, marriage is for life, so be very careful who you marry. Don't rush it, do it. Be very, very careful. And the Lord said that a man is to hold fast is to cleave to his wife.

This word hold fast is a very strong word. It's like being glued together or welded together. The point is marriage is not a temporary arrangement. That's why couples, they move in with each other.

They have sex with each other. It may work out, it may not, but there's not really much of a commitment. It is more of a relationship of convenience where they may even use each other for their own selfish desires. Marriage is not like that. Marriage is not a temporary arrangement. We don't get married until we fall in love with someone else. We don't get married until we think, oh, I met so and so. He or she is much more exciting, and I've never felt so fulfilled.

I've met, I've had men and women tell me this over and over again. Oh, my marriage is boring, and I met so and so, and I've never felt so alive. In fact, I don't really think I ever loved him. I don't think I ever really loved her.

I've never met so and so, and I deserve to be happy. I've had a difficult marriage, and God wants me to be happy, and I deserve to be happy, and it's time to end this marriage and to leave the partner. No, says Jesus. You are to hold fast. Yes, most marriages have their trials, have disagreements, have difficulties to be worked through, but I read Psalm 127 verse 1, unless the Lord builds a house, they labor in vain. Make sure your home, make sure your marriage is built on the Lord.

He will help you. He will guide you, but if you stray from that, yes, the very foundation of your marriage can begin to crumble. You are to hold fast, and tremendous damage is done when husbands and wives separate and divorce. We're going to think of divorce next Sunday, Lord willing.

Great damage is often done to their children and to others close to them. No, in marriage, there is this permanent bond, a kind of super glue between husband and wife. In some legal contracts, there's often a right to review. There may be an option to renew, but there's no such options in this marriage covenant. Marriage is for life. I want to make one important caveat.

Please hear me. There are women who are in marriages where they are abused, where the husband hits them. The husband is abusive to them in many different ways, and it is appropriate, very appropriate in these cases for a wife to separate from this man who is abusive to her and to her children.

That's an exceptional case, but we're thinking in general terms of the teaching of Scripture. So, if you're thinking of getting a divorce, you say, I'm tired of my spouse, and I've met this other person who makes me so alive, I want you to listen to the words of Jesus. If God has joined together, let not man separate. You made vows before God, and the very nature of the marriage vows recognize that tough times come for richer or poorer.

Oh, it's going to be richer. Not always. Someone loses their job. Some business goes bankrupt. No, it's richer or poorer in sickness and in health.

Right? There's a recognition that things can go wrong in joy and in sorrow. So, when we're young, we make the vows, we think it's always going to be joy, it's going to be richer, it's going to be better, everything's going to be great. No problems may come into your marriage. Your wife may get sick.

Your husband may lose his job. Difficulties come, and to the best of marriages don't they? And this is why we make the vows before God. In the marriage vows, there's a recognition that tough times may come, but the marriage bond is so strong that it is only to be separated by death itself.

It is not only an exclusive relationship then, it is a permanent relationship. Marriage, here's a big point, marriage is God's idea. And when we're married, if we're wise and if we're humble, we follow God's commands.

We follow the teaching of Jesus. I'm going to pray for our married couples. In a minute, Tim and Vicki are going to come. In fact, I'm going to ask them to come and stand here hand in hand. I'm going to ask my wife to come here. Because if you're married, I want you to take your husband or your wife's — maybe you haven't done that for years and it's time you did it. You take her hand, couldn't you?

You're going to come up. Just take your wife, your husband's hand. I'm going to pray for you. I realize here at Calvary, we have some wonderful marriages, some mediocre and some marriages that are really struggling. What are we going to do? We're going to ask God for help. You need help in your marriage.

We live in a society where divorce is rife. We need God's help. We need His blessing. I'm going to pray that you'll have joy and peace in your marriage.

First recorded miracle by Jesus was at a wedding where His joy overflows. God's will is that His joy and His peace overflows in your marriage. You say, I'm hurting. You say, I don't know if I want to hold my wife's hand or my husband's hand. He's betrayed me.

He's lied to me. I realize difficulties come in. If you have offended your spouse during this time of prayer to him and Vicki are going to sing and then we're all going to sing, use that as a time to get that right before God and to reaffirm your love for your spouse, to reaffirm your loyalty to your wife. In Jesus Christ, there is always hope for lives that are shattered by abuse, immorality and coldness. Don't tell me that God is not able to do a miracle in your life.

He is. And this church, Calvary Church, is a place of grace, a place of hope, of healing and of love, a place of new beginning. And this can be, today, can be a new beginning for your marriage. When you say from this day, we are going to follow Jesus Christ. I'm also going to pray for singles, that you will be a man, a woman of God, that you'll keep yourself sexually pure.

I know that's difficult in this sleazy, dirty world, that you will stand for Jesus Christ and that God in His grace will lead you, if it's His will that you marry, to a man, to a woman who is also going to stand with you for our Lord Jesus Christ. Our Father and our God, as we take our wives, our husbands' hands, we thank you for them. We thank you for this gift of marriage. We reaffirm our love and our loyalty to one another.

We do that right now. We confess, Father, when we're unkind, when we've wronged one another. Help us, Father.

Forgive us. I pray your blessing on every marriage. Some marriages are vibrant.

May they continue to grow and shine with the beauty of Christ. Other marriages are struggling. They're shouting. They've lied to each other. There's been deceit.

There may even have been immorality. Father, forgive them. Humble them. Reaffirm them that they are to be committed to this man and this woman. We pray for the singles. We thank you for the many singles who come to Calvary and I thank you for them. I pray that they will be strong, that they will be sexually pure.

Perhaps some are dating, perhaps some are engaged. And I pray for each one, Father, that they, as they look for a man or a wife, that they will look for a man who is an authentic follower of Jesus Christ. Help them not to enter into relationships which are immoral or destructive, but rather which are godly. Lead them in the paths of righteousness and bless us we do ask in Christ's name. Amen.