The Roots Of Rage Part 2

Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith. Some people think you can get rid of anger by hitting something inanimate and letting off steam. Modern pop psychology is no match for the Bible in helping us control the anger we all experience at one time or another. Today, we'll learn more about the causes of anger and how to handle it properly.

From the Moody Church in Chicago, this is Running to Win with Dr. Erwin Lutzer, whose clear teaching helps us make it across the finish line. Pastor Lutzer, it seems that young people are more prone than others to fly into the kind of rage that leads to gang violence. And you know, Dave, the reason for that is because many young people are brought up in homes that are broken.

They're living in a home with only a mother, oftentimes in the midst of abuse, and a lot of anger has its seeds right there. And you're absolutely right. We cannot deal with it simply through external circumstances. Now, I want you to listen carefully to everyone who is tuned in today.

Listen carefully to this message that is desperately needed for American homes and for homes around the world. Later on also, we're going to be discussing what it really means for a person to turn evil. What about these controlling people that cross the line? But there will be difficulty in relationships if you don't deal with anger because you're going to have lack of trust. Those of you women who have been abused by men, you are going to, in general, have an attitude about all men that is going to be negative. Any relationship that develops is always going to be disruptive. You'll always keep putting the bar higher.

No matter what the man wants to do to show that he loves you, it'll never be enough because the rules of the game will change, and on and on it goes. You see, regarding people who have been abused, they have been sinned against, and then they also in response sin. They are both victims of sin and then become agents of sin.

Well, we don't want to have that happen, do we? And that's why we're talking now about the cure. Before I mention that, however, let me remind you that God does deliver people from anger. In a book entitled Angry Men and the Women Who Love Them, Paul Hegstrom, who's the author of the book, tells his own story. Here he is, he's brought up in a fine Christian home at the age of nine, accepts Christ as savior, is going to go into the ministry, and then is molested six months after that by one of the men in the neighborhood. He can't deal with it really, he can't talk about it in his home because things like that aren't talked about.

They are put on the shelf. So he's trying to process this as a nine-year-old, and finally in desperation he goes to his mother with a hypothetical question and says, if David down the street were molested, and I don't know which word he used, by an older man, what would that mean? And the mother said, well if that ever happened to David, you couldn't play with him because he'd know things that no boy should ever know, and he'd be marked, so you wouldn't have anything to do with him. She didn't know she was talking about her son at the age of nine. So he's got all of this anger and this shame, this feeling of being very dirty within his heart.

He grows up, gets married, is a very nice guy, does well, is a charmer, wins the heart of a young woman. They get married on a Saturday, and on Sunday he abuses her. What happened is he was having an argument with her brother, I believe it was, and she tried to calm them down. He took her and he just shoved her down. That's how their honeymoon began. She had no idea that this is the man that she married. From there on it began with choking and continued on and all of these things. All the while, mind you, sprinkled with these wonderful promises to change, and he even would ask her forgiveness but always remind her, but it is your fault, you know, because you shouldn't have intervened in that way. So he made it clear right from the beginning, it's your fault, nobody will believe you. If you go for help, it's your word against mine, so you might as well put up with the misery. Three and a half months after they were married, they were separated, and then they were separated for three and a half years, and then they were divorced and divorced for three and a half years.

At the end of that seven year period, they were remarried and that was 15 years ago, and in those 15 years there's never been an incident of abuse. God delivers his people from the roots of rage, and we're going to talk about that now, but I do need to tell you that even though I have a number of points listed and we shall have to go through them hurriedly, this is not something that you can just do quickly and say, oh yeah, I've done that, I've done that, I've done that, or I can do this all in one moment. What we're talking about, if we're serious, is a whole lifestyle of pursuing the way back.

It is a whole life of openness and a willingness to change in the most thorough way and to let God change you and get into your heart. I'm speaking primarily here today to Christians, but those of you who have never trusted Christ as Savior, that's the beginning point because Christ is the only one who can reconcile us to God so that we experience God's forgiveness that makes it possible for us now to forgive others and deal with his deep root called rage. First of all, and it's so basic, after all that buildup you expect something profound, don't you?

But it's just basic. Number one, admit that you have a problem. And because of the fact that most anger is masked, that is a very difficult step.

You know the old person who is shaking his fist and his face is red and saying, I'm not angry as he pounds against the wall? That is not just a story, that is true. That happens all the time. We do not want to admit that down deep inside we have this simmering rage, or at least if it's not the level of rage, it's anger and a desire for revenge. And that's why this takes time in the presence of God. Search me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and see if there be some wicked way in me. Let's reveal the root. Let's get to the bottom.

What did happen that I have never taken care of? Nehemiah in the Old Testament was angry because of some of the abuses among the Jews. And I love the passage in which he said, I was very angry.

God bless Nehemiah. He was angry and he knew it. So the first step is to admit it. Second, you can rejoice in God's love and acceptance to you. Rejoice in God's love and acceptance of you.

Now, isn't this interesting? We're going back to the story of Cain. Here's Cain who commits this murder, but before he committed murder he was very angry, the text says, and God spoke to him in verse 6. The Lord said to Cain, why are you angry?

Why is your face cast down? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at the door and will pounce on you and will destroy you.

You'd better take care of this right now. God said that to Cain. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you had God as your counselor? You know, we have people here at the Moody Church who need counsel. So perhaps, you know, they talk to Pastor Burchy. They begin there and they say, I don't like Bill's advice.

And he hasn't had that much experience. So then they go to Pastor Milko who's sitting here on the platform and they say, Pastor Milko has a degree in counseling. Maybe he'll be able to give me some really good advice. So they go to Pastor Milko. Ah, I don't like what Pastor Milko had to say. Let's go to Pastor Worley or let's go to Pastor Lutzer. Now there's somebody who will really be the real answer to my problem. So they come and they see Pastor Lutzer and he passes on his little gems of wisdom and they say, ah, you know, I don't like it.

I expected something better from him than that. And so they find another pastor in the neighborhood. And on and on they're going. Let me ask you something. Wouldn't it be wonderful if God were your counselor and God were to come out of heaven and to say to you, this is the answer to your problem. You say, oh, if only I could hear from God.

Oh, wouldn't that be wonderful? Well, my friend Cain did and you know what? It never helped at all. That's a comfort to those of us who do counseling. It's sometimes not our fault. It's sometimes not the advice that we give.

It's sometimes the person who pretends that he wants our advice and then doesn't do what we suggest. Look at God is coming and he's saying, Cain, look, you don't have to be angry like this. If your heart is changed and you bring the right sacrifice, you're going to be accepted just like your brother was accepted. Why all this anger? Deal with it, Cain.

What you need to do is to realize that if you come to God in the right way, he will not make a distinction between you and your brother. And I say to those of you who have been hurt and feel dirty and abused, if you come to God through Jesus Christ, you'll receive the same gift of righteousness as anyone else who's ever believed on him. With all the rights and privileges and honor and correct standing as a child of God, as a son or daughter of the almighty, you'll receive that. So why is it that you should continue to hark back over the way in which you were treated as if to say it's all lost?

It isn't. You rejoice in God's acceptance. I realize that would be a message in itself, so we need to go on quickly to number three, and that is you have to forgive. Forgive.

What did we read in Ephesians when we began this message? Be tenderhearted forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven you. You must choose to let go of all the bitterness. You must give it to God. You say, yes, but I want justice.

You can do that, and you can maintain your desire for justice. And that is because you punt the ball to God. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves. I will recompense, says the Lord. God says, let me take care of your case for you. And what you do is you trust the almighty to do what you can't.

The almighty will judge the situation in his way and in his time. So you say, I release all this bitterness. Now some of you need to do that to people who have died. Your father or someone who has wronged you or maybe somebody who has not died but is no longer a part of your life.

You don't even know where they live. Remember that forgiveness is something that you can choose to do even without reconciliation. It is something that you do not need the cooperation of your enemy to do. It has to do with you releasing that bitterness to God. Someone has written, the man I hate may be many miles from my bedroom but more cruel than any slave driver. He whips my thoughts into such a frenzy that my inner spring mattress becomes a rack of torture.

The lowliest of serfs can sleep, but not I. I really must acknowledge the fact that I am a slave to every man on whom I pour the vial of my wrath. Has not the person who has wronged you done enough to disrupt your life already? Does it have to continue by you being eaten with resentment and anger?

It is a choice that is difficult to make, but it must be done. But listen carefully, forgiveness is both an act and a process. It's an act and a process. And it's something that I do today and it's something I do tomorrow and the next day and the next day and the next day. My whole life is characterized by it. And then number four, you have to deal with the devil.

You really do. You know, the New Testament mentions the name Cain three times. It says in 1 John, why did Cain kill his brother Abel? And then it says, because he was of that wicked one. And it's referring to Satan. And then it says in the book of Jude that there are false teachers who have gone the way of Cain doing their own thing. Now notice that the scripture is very clear that those who become angry may indeed be influenced by the devil himself. Doesn't that make sense? He is known as a destroyer.

That's one of his names. He's the destroyer and he wants you to be a destroyer and he wants me to be a destroyer. And we can through our irrational anger and our tempers where we do not get facts, where we haul off quickly and we don't process what's going on.

There's so much more that I could say about that. It says in Ephesians 4, do not give place to the devil. It says let not the sun go down upon your anger. Don't let the devil have a foothold.

So he's going to want to just make you a destroyer either by clamming up through passive aggression or by blowing up like that pit bull that we spoke about a moment ago. And then of course, number five, there is accountability and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit where you begin to examine your life and allow God to do it because these roots run deep and then you are held accountable for your behavior and willing to face the pain that your own anger has inflicted and you receive the forgiveness of all those around you whom you have wronged so that there can be a sense of a new beginning in accountability and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit of God. The other day someone sent me a story about a professor in a seminary whom we shall call Brother Smith. Brother Smith was creative in being able to think of ways to make a point to his students. He used object lessons. So the kids came to class and he had a target on the wall and on the table next to the students there were all of these darts. So he said to them, what I want you to do is to draw a picture of someone whom you dislike, maybe even someone you hate and you're going to get a chance to use the dart board. And so they drew pictures. Here's a girl who drew a picture of a girl I should say who had stolen her boyfriend from her so she drew his picture. Here was somebody else, a woman who drew a picture of a man who had abused her so she drew his picture. I think the question was not whether the kids could think of anyone that would fit into that category.

The question was who do you choose when you get an opportunity like that. So they put their pictures up on the target and they used the darts. Some of those students threw the darts so hard that their targets began to break apart. Oh, they had some fun doing it but there was more than fun.

This was great. This was getting it all out. When they were finished, Brother Smith took the target and peeled it off the wall and behind it was a picture of Jesus. And when the students saw the mangled picture of Jesus, when they saw that his eyes had been pierced out and his cheek and his neck had been so brutally torn, they just began to weep. And Brother Smith said to them, in as much as you have done it unto the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me.

Even after the bell rang, the students did not leave but stayed there contemplating what they had done. This word comes from my heart to your heart today. Every arrow that we throw at someone, every attack at a wife, a husband, a child is an arrow that pierces the heart of Jesus. In as much as you have done it unto the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me.

We're all guilty and we come to the foot of the cross to receive cleansing and forgiveness and ask the forgiveness of those whom we have wronged and we deal with the root and God will change us. Let's join together in prayer. Father, today I am burdened to pray for homes where there is abuse and probably no one knows about it.

I think of all those secrets in our families, those secrets of shame that so impact the lives of children and others. And I pray today Father God for the healing of your people. I think of the many people who are angry who will listen to this message and say that it was interesting but not change. God, we're up against something that only you can do therefore we give up all hope that we can transform human behavior but we trust your blessed Holy Spirit to overcome the natural resistance of the human will. We pray for those who have never trusted Christ as Savior, they've never believed on him and though I did not explain the gospel in detail, help them to understand that Jesus is the Savior and may they cleave to him having been forgiven much then may they love much and forgive much. Whatever you intended to do by your spirit, would you do it, Father, I ask right now. And now in this moment of quietness I want you to talk to God. You respond to him in light of what you've learned and in light of what the Holy Spirit has shown you today. Father, seal the decisions that are being made but we know that we're talking about a process. Bring conviction, bring reconciliation, bring hope and do a deep and mighty work we pray in Jesus' name.

Amen. My friend, this is Pastor Lutzer. I remember when I preached this message at the Moody Church there was a tremendous response.

I remember people lined up in the aisles as they were dealing with a lot of bitterness, anger and abuse. I have in my hands a letter from someone who said, thank you Mr. Lutzer for recently teaching about abuse in the family. And then she goes on to say that she lived with a man who was loving but he was a drunk, he was an addict, a sex addict, he was abusive. And she goes on to tell about the struggle that she had and then she thanks the ministry of running to win for giving her a foundation and a hope and direction on where to go next. I believe very deeply in this series of messages.

It's titled, Why Good People Do Bad Things. I think it would be a tremendous blessing for you to listen to these messages again and again and share them with your friends. For a gift of any amount, these messages can be yours.

Here's what you do. Go to rtwoffer.com. That's rtwoffer.com or if you prefer call us at 1-888-218-9337. Let me say in advance we are so deeply grateful for the many of you who support this ministry. You pray for us because together we are impacting lives with a message that they really need the gospel of Jesus Christ and its implications.

rtwoffer.com or 1-888-218-9337. It's time again for you to ask Pastor Lutzer a question about the Bible or the Christian life. Every parent wants the best for their kids, and these days that may mean a Christian school. Christina from Illinois writes, I've heard you talk about a friend of yours that pleads with you every time you meet to encourage believers to place their children in Christian schools. You gave your own reasons for not doing so.

How do we make the choice on which is right, and what if we have no options? Well, you know, Christina, I want to thank you so much for your question, because as you know people are deeply split on this side. I cannot advocate, though, that all Christians should take their children out of the public school for a couple of reasons.

First of all, it might not be feasible, as you yourself have said. There may be many different reasons why some Christian families can't do this. Secondly, we need to keep in mind that there are some school systems that might not be as bad as those we hear about. I think we all have a tendency to hear about the extremes, and then we take from that that all the schools are totally impossible to work with and promote humanistic kinds of values. But there are many school boards that are more open, more willing to work with parents. But Christina, I think the real key here is the child's relationship to the parents. You know that if children have strong parents who guide them, who direct them, who keep track of what the children are studying in school, I believe that children can be guided through a school system, even though that system may be secular. And I might also say that there are those who have been reared in homeschooling in Christian schools, who at the end of the day walk away from the faith anyway. And I really do think that it comes back to this central issue of the relationship with a parent. So work very hard at that, Christina, and I don't think that there is one right answer or one wrong answer.

I think each situation is different and parents are going to have to work this out in accordance with their consciences and the opportunities that are afforded them. Thank you for that balanced answer, Dr. Lutzer. If you as a listener would like to hear your question answered, go to our website at rtwoffer.com and click on Ask Pastor Lutzer. Or you can call us at 1-888-218-9337.

That's 1-888-218-9337. You can write to us at Running to Win, 1635 North LaSalle Boulevard, Chicago, IL 60614. We who run the race of life may not realize the deep impact left by our fathers. Tomorrow a revealing look at why your father is so important in your life, even if he's passed away. Next time on our broadcast, don't miss a compelling message on the fathers voice. For Dr. Erwin Lutzer, this is Dave McAllister. Running to Win is sponsored by the Moody Church.