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Now, here's today's podcast from Pathway to Victory. Hi, this is Robert Jeffers, and I'm glad to study God's Word with you every day on this Bible teaching program. on today's edition of Pathway to Victory. Ladies and gentlemen, the Bible makes no allowance for missionary dating, okay? And there's certainly no allowance for missionary marriages.
The Bible doesn't allow for it. And the reason is very simple: rarely will you pull up an unbeliever to where you are spiritually. But more often than not, they will pull you down to where they are spiritually. Welcome to Pathway to Victory with author and pastor Dr. Robert Jeffers.
Choosing to marry is one of the biggest decisions we'll ever make. but many couples jump into lifelong commitment without really counting the cost. Today on Pathway to Victory, Dr. Robert Jeffers talks about the biblical tools for choosing a mate. Whether you're married now or contemplating marriage, this study will help you understand God's design for couples.
But first, let's take a minute to hear some important ministry updates. Thanks, David, and welcome again to Pathway to Victory. Right before we begin today's message, I'd like to invite you to join me for the 2026 Pathway to Victory Cruise to Alaska, June 13th. through 20th. Think about it.
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Well, today we're going to look at God's word for direction on choosing a mate. and for good reason. In today's culture, even though online dating apps have made it possible to connect with people as never before, making a wise choice for a partner in marriage is no less complicated.
So, today I'll point to a real-life story in Genesis that provides authentic wisdom on making the biggest decision. in all of life. This topic of how to choose a mate is one of the many I've addressed in my book called How to Make Wise Decisions. Whether choosing a wife or choosing a career, my book will help you distinguish between God's voice and your own personal desires. I'd like to send you a copy today.
when you give a generous gift to support the ministry of Pathway to Victory. more about my book and other resources later on. But now, let's get started with today's topic. How to choose a mate.
Well, it was former House Speaker Tip O'Neill who used to say. All politics are local. And by that, he meant most people are not nearly as interested in political philosophy. as they are in How does this policy affect me? When people go to the ballot box, they want to know how the choice of this candidate or that candidate is going to affect their everyday life.
You know, the same is true when it comes to biblical truth. I have found as a pastor, most people are not nearly as interested in the philosophical. as they are the practical. They want to know whatever biblical truth is being taught, exactly how does that relate to me in everyday life? And that certainly is true when it comes to the issue of knowing God's will for your life.
We've been looking at the various ways that God communicates direction in our lives. We've seen that sometimes he speaks through the Bible. Other times he speaks through prayer.
Sometimes he'll speak through the counsel of other people. Occasionally, he might use supernatural revelation or circumstances. Last time we saw that one of the primary ways he speaks is through the desires he places in our heart. But how does all of that apply to me? How do we move it from the philosophical to the practical?
Well, I thought it might be interesting over the next two weeks to take all of these principles that we have learned. And apply them to the two areas of life for which most people want to know God's will. The choice of a mate and the choice of a vocation. And so today we're going to look and see what the Bible says about how to discover the right mate, and next week, how to find the perfect job. Amy leaned over to me during the choir orchestra and she saw the title, How to Choose a Make.
She said, I'm going to be real interested in today's message.
Now, some of you probably are thinking the same thing. You're thinking, wait a minute, Pastor, these two areas just don't apply to me where I am in life right now. After all, I'm already stuck with, I mean, I'm blessed with a mate, and. Can't do much about that. And for better or worse, I've chosen my job, or I'm even retired from my job.
How in the world does this apply to me?
Well, first of all. it's very possible that your life situation could change. Secondly, I just want to take a poll. How many of you have children or grandchildren? Would you raise your hands?
Almost everyone here. These principles that we're going to learn today are going to be very helpful for you to pass along to your children and grandchildren as they search for the right mate and the perfect job. And then third and most importantly, these principles we're going to talk about today in choosing a mate can actually apply to whatever decision you're confronting in life. And so today, for our passage, I want us to turn to the Old Testament book of Genesis chapter 24 as we talk about how to find a mate. Genesis chapter 24.
Now, we made an allusion to this passage a few weeks ago, but today we're going to look at it in depth. It's the story of Abraham searching for a wife for his son Isaac. You remember what had happened? Abraham was now advanced in years, concerned about the offspring that God had promised-the children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren-he knew it was time for his son Isaac to find a bride, to produce those grandchildren that would be the fulfillment of God's promise. And so he calls his servant Eleazar in and he says, Eleazar, I want you to leave Canaan, where we are right now, and I want you to go back to Nahor and I want you to find a bride for my son Isaac.
And the resulting story is a perfect illustration of how to find God's will for your life. And I want you to notice today the five principles that Eleazar exercised in finding the right mate for Isaac. These principles can help you. They can help your children, grandchildren, not only in finding a mate. but in knowing God's will for any area of life.
Look at verse 3 of Genesis chapter 24. Abraham said to Eleazar, I will make you swear by the Lord, the God of heaven and the God of earth, that you shall not take a wife for my son from the daughters of the Canaanites among whom I live. And that leads us to the first principle for knowing God's will for your life, and that is, number one, know God's principles. Know what his word says about whatever choice it is that you're confronting.
Now, when it comes to choosing a mate, God's word is very clear. The predominant principle in finding a mate is this. you are to only marry a believer. You're to only marry a believer. Abraham understood that principle.
He said, Eleazar, there's not a suitable woman here for my son Isaac. We're living in Canaan. He said, well, what's the problem with Canaan? The problem was it was filled with Canaanites, okay? And the Canaanites were ungodly people.
And so Abraham said, I want you to go find a believing spouse for my son Isaac. When it comes to marriage, the most basic principle that we need to know is believers only marry believers. Throughout the Old and New Testaments, the Bible talks about the importance of believers only marrying other believers. For example, jot down Deuteronomy chapter 7, verses 3 and 4. God said, Furthermore, You shall not intermarry with them, talking about foreign wives, unbelievers.
You shall not give your daughters to their sons, nor shall you take their daughters for your sons, for they will turn your sons away from following me to serve other gods. Or look at 1 Kings chapter 11, verses 1 through 4.
Now, King Solomon loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh. From the nations concerning which the Lord had said to the sons of Israel, You shall not associate with them, neither shall they associate with you, for they will surely turn your heart away from their gods. But Solomon held fast to these in love. For it came about when he was old, his wives turned his heart away after other gods, and his heart was not wholly devoted to the Lord his God, as the heart of David, his father had been. By the way, let me interject something here.
Why all of this prohibition against intermarriage?
Now this is going to shake some of you up. We had a few heart attacks in the 8 o'clock service, okay? I need to warn you about this. The prohibition against intermarriage in the Bible had nothing to do with race. It had nothing to do with race or ethnicity.
It had to do with spirituality. The reason God said not to marry foreigners was because they represented unbelievers. There is absolutely nothing in the Bible that prohibits interracial marriage. Nothing.
Now, there may be practical reasons for not doing that, but there are no biblical reasons. God is not interested in race when it comes to marriage, He's interested in spirituality. And the Bible makes it very clear that believers are to only marry other believers. That's what this passage is about. Or 2 Corinthians 6, verse 14.
This extends to the New Testament. Do not be bound together with unbelievers, for what partnership Have righteousness and lawlessness, or what fellowship has light with darkness. Will you notice the two reasons God says you are not to marry an unbeliever? First of all, he says marriage to an unbeliever will ultimately destroy your relationship with God. It'll destroy your relationship with God.
I'm not talking about positionally. I'm not talking about losing your salvation, but practically, it will hurt your relationship with God. Um A lot of times people will say to me, especially single adults, they'll say, oh, Pastor, I just found this wonderful person. I know it's God's will for me to marry them. God worked it all together.
And I'll say, well, when did they become a Christian? And I said, Well, they're not quite there yet, but they're so close, and I just know I'm going to have this great influence on them. Ladies and gentlemen, the Bible makes no allowance for missionary dating, okay? And there's certainly no allowance for missionary marriages. The Bible doesn't allow for it.
And the reason is very simple: rarely will you pull up an unbeliever to where you are spiritually. But more often than not, they will pull you down to where they are spiritually. And if you don't believe that, look at what happened to the Israelites. They did intermarry with the Canaanites, and it was a disaster for them spiritually. It happened to Solomon in his old age that he made a bad decision and he married foreign wives that turned his heart away from God.
By the way, senior adults, don't coast in your spiritual life and think, well, now that I'm 60, 70, or 80, I've made it. You can make some of the worst decisions of your life in your senior adult years, bad decisions that can completely erase any good you've done for God. You need to be on guard until the day you leave this earth against bad decisions, unspiritual decisions. That's what happened to Solomon, and it can happen to you as well. The Bible says we're not to marry an unbeliever because it destroys our relationship with God, but secondly, it can also actually destroy our relationship.
with our mate. 2 Corinthians 6:14, go back to it a moment. Do not be bound together with an unbeliever. That word bound refers to the placing of two different animals under the same harness to perform a task. For example, you put an ox and you put a donkey under the same harness to try to perform the same job.
What happens? They start going in opposite directions. They're not used to working with one another. You have friction and ultimately you have a stalemate.
Now Paul says that's exactly what happens when you have two people who are spiritually mismatched, a believer with an unbeliever. They are constantly going in opposite directions, causing friction, causing turmoil in the home. He goes on to say, for what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? What fellowship has light? with darkness.
Can light and darkness exist at the same time? No. If you go into a dark room and turn on the light, The light dispels the darkness. They cannot coexist with one another. It's the same thing with a believer and an unbeliever.
You see, in the spiritual realm, Opposites don't attract. They attack one another. And that's why the Bible says the most basic principle for marriage is: believers are to only marry believers. By the way, can I add here, not only should you marry a Christian, You need to make sure you're marrying a growing Christian. I'm not talking about somebody who just in name only says, oh, yeah, when I was six, I walked down the aisle and signed a card and got baptized, but since then has made no progress in his or her relationship with Jesus Christ.
If you were to ask me the number one cause of divorce today, As a pastor, I would say. From my experience, it is people who are spiritually incompatible with one another. That causes friction and ultimately divorce. One person sold out to following Jesus Christ. The other person couldn't care less.
It just doesn't work. See, Proverbs 24, verse 3 says, By wisdom a house is built, by understanding a house is established. I want you to imagine. Two carpenters trying to work together to build the same home. The only problem is they have two different set of blueprints from which they're working.
One carpenter has a set of blueprints that says it's to be a one-story home. The next carpenter has a set of blueprints that says it's to be a two-story home. One set of blueprints says it's supposed to be a slab foundation. The other blueprints say, no, it's to be a pier and beam foundation. Can you imagine the arguments, the friction between those two workmen as they try to construct a home from two different sets of blueprints?
You'd have arguments, you'd have friction, and ultimately you would have one mess of a house that was constructed. The same thing is true when you are trying to build a home. It's important that the husband and the wife be working from the same set of blueprints, God's Word, and that they have the same foundation, a commitment to Jesus Christ. When you're choosing to mate or making any decision in life, number one, know the principles. What does God's word say?
But that's not enough. I mean, the fact is, there are a lot of growing Christians out there. How do I know which one is for me or for my son or daughter? Or out of all of the options I'm faced with in making this decision, how do I know which is the right option?
Well that brings us to the second principle, and that is rely on prayer. Whenever you face numerous opportunities, rely on prayer. Look at verse 11 of Genesis 24. Eleazar makes the 500-mile journey to Nahar, verse 11, and he made the camels kneel down outside the city by the well of water at eveningtime, the time when women go out to draw water.
Now Eleazar was one smart cookie, okay? He knew if he was going to find a woman for Isaac, he needed to go to where all the hot single women of Nahor were. And guess where they all went? They all went to the local watering hole. Every evening, they went there about five o'clock.
It was happy hour at the well there. They went there and they congregated. Of course, they were performing their chores, bringing the water back to the house. And so that is where Eleazar went. By the way, if you're looking for a mate, Go to where those prospective mates are.
Where are the single men and women? Where's the best place to find them? The best place to find them is at the local watering hole. And I'm not talking about the bar. I'm talking about the spiritual watering hole.
The church. where the water of life is poured out. There's no better place to look for a mate than in the church. That's where you're going to find committed believers. That's where you ought to go to to find that mate that God has for you.
Well, that's what Eleazar did.
Now, the only problem was when he went to the well, there wasn't just one lone woman there, it was teeming with women.
So how in the world was he to know which woman was the one who would make a bride for Isaac? I want you to notice what he did in verse 12. He prayed about it. Look at verse 12. He said, O Lord, the God of my master Abraham, please grant me success today and show loving kindness to my master Abraham.
Behold, I'm standing by the spring, and the daughters of the men of the city are coming out to draw water.
Now, may it be that the girl to whom I say, please let down your jar so that I might drink, and who answers, drink, and I will water your camels also, may she be the one? Whom thou has appointed for thy servant Isaac. Will you underline that phrase, the one whom thou has appointed for thy servant Isaac? You see, Eliezar bought into this one man for one woman theory. He believed God really did have one person and one person only who would be his choice for a bride for Isaac.
Now that goes against conventional Christian thinking today. There are a lot of Christian books out there that say more important than finding the right mate is being the right kind of mate. And as long as you meet these basic requirements of marrying a growing Christian, you can just marry whoever you want to. God really isn't interested in finding that one right person. But is that what the Bible says?
Eleazar said, God, I believe there is one whom you have appointed to be. Isaac's wife.
Now, some Old Testament commentators I read about this, they said, Well, this was peculiar to this situation, the idea there was only one person, because after all, God was interested in Abraham and the Abrahamic line and so forth.
So he was particularly interested that the one right person. be chosen here. I don't know about you, but I think God's interest in people extends beyond the boundaries of Israel. I think God's not only interested in Jews, he's interested in the Jews, but he's interested in us as well. He's interested in all of his children.
For example, I mean, do you think God had an interest in The parents that brought forth a Martin Luther or a John Calvin. Or a John Wesley, do you think God cared who the parents of a Billy Graham were. Of course he did. He had a plan to bring two people together that would produce those wonderful men of God. And I believe his interest extends beyond them to you and me.
If God has numbered the hairs on our head, Don't you think he has an interest in our gene pool? The people that come together to produce us? If every part of us has been planned in his book before we ever drew our first breath? Yes, God has a plan for us. There's not many people out there.
There's one person. If God has chosen you to be married, if God's plan for your life is to be married, He has somebody He has ordained to be your husband or wife.
Now, that shouldn't make us panic. It didn't drive Eleazar to panic to find that needle in a haystack, but it did drive him. to pray. And I just want to encourage you today: whether it's looking for a mate or trying to make any decision in life. Spend time praying about it.
It's like one person said, there are many things we can do to find God's will. After we have prayed. But there's nothing more important we can do until we have prayed. James 1.5, If anyone lacks wisdom, let him ask of God. Is there some area of your life you're seeking God's will for?
Are you concerned enough about God's will that you would be willing to devote? Just five minutes a day praying for God's direction. Rely on prayer. There's a third principle, and that is exercise practicality. When you're trying to find a mate, or make any decision, exercise practicality.
We kind of alluded to this a couple of weeks ago in verses 12 through 14. Remember, Eleazar prayed, and the Lord, whichever woman says, I'm willing to not only give you water, but water your camels as well. She's the one.
Now, I personally don't believe he was so much asking for a supernatural sign as he was being practical. After all, whatever woman made that offer, First of all, Displayed the graciousness necessary to make a good wife. But she would also have the physical stamina. To make that 500-mile journey from Nahor back to Canaan. After all, that was 200 gallons of water she was going to have to lug up there to water those camels.
Eleazar was being practical. And I think in the same way when we're looking for a mate, we need to exercise practicality. We know that many in our listening family are wrestling with this issue. and many know close personal friends, even sons and daughters, trying to make a wise decision. Choosing a maid is critically important.
Some, however, discover the deafening silence when God seems to withhold an answer. If that's you, I can assure you that God is not needlessly playing on your emotions. In fact, while it often seems like God is silent when you are making your biggest decisions, I can say without question, God delights in revealing His desires to you. That's why I wrote my book. How to make wise decisions.
the joy of discovering God's will for your life. If you or someone you love is asking important questions that Scripture doesn't seem to directly answer, my book will offer you the encouragement and confidence you need to distinguish between God's voice and your own personal desires. I'll explain what to do in those awkward moments when we make the wrong decision. and how God proves faithful. even in our weakness.
Let me send you my book, How to Make Wise Decisions. A copy is yours. when you give a generous gift to support the ministry of Pathway to Victory. And then This month, we're asking God to provide 50 new pathway partners to our family of monthly supporters. A pathway partner understands their critical role in taking the good news to the world.
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or it's quick and easy to sign up online at ptv.org. And when you give your first gift as a pathway partner, or when you make a generous one-time gift to support the Ministry of Pathway to Victory, we'll say thanks by sending you the book, How to Make Wise Decisions. And when your gift is $75 or more, We'll also send you the complete CD and DVD teaching set for our current series titled, How to Make Wise Decisions. Again, call 866-999-2965 or or visit ptv.org. You're also welcome to make your request by mail right to P.O.
Box 223-609 Dallas, Texas 75222. Again, that's P.O. Box 223-609, Dallas, Texas, 75222. I'm David J. Mullins.
Inviting you back next time for part two of the message, How to Choose a Mate. That's Thursday, here on Pathway to Victory. Pathway to Victory with Dr. Robert Jeffress comes from the pulpit of the First Baptist Church of Dallas, Texas. You made it to the end of today's podcast from Pathway to Victory.
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