My Son Wanted to Be a Green Beret—And Nothing Else

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And so too does your station. And now it's time for the MacLallan Files, where we go deep inside the life of Bob MacLallan. Some of you don't know, but whose life and whose voice you're certain to be captivated by. While watching a movie with my wife in the family room one evening, we were interrupted by our 16-year-old son Tommy, who walked in and sat down with us. Politely, he said he had something important he wanted to discuss with us. As I turned off the TV, I quickly imagined all the possibilities of something terrible, disastrous, or difficult that could force a 16-year-old boy to sit down to talk with his parents about anything important.

My wife, with her eyes wide open, sat silently while we all got settled in to hear what he had to say. I could not remember his approaching us like this before, and my expectations, coupled with my imagination, made me feel very uncomfortable. He began to tell us about a friend whose cousin attended the New Mexico Military Institute in Roswell, New Mexico for high school.

That cousin is now a captain in the Green Berets and is teaching math at West Point. Tommy was very impressed by that, and said he wanted to go there for the remaining two years of high school. He talked about the academic standing of the school, the numerous activities that were available, and the challenges he felt the school would present him. As he spoke, I was still unprepared for the ending of his story. Calmly and ever so smoothly, he discussed his desire to attend such a school and pursue a college education that no doubt had a military career as its ultimate destination. His mother countered with a gentle return to reason when she said, You're going to a fine private high school here in the Bay Area. Why would you want to leave all of your friends? More straightforward questions came from me like, Are you unhappy?

Or are you on drugs? He said he was prepared to leave his friends as he would make new ones at the school, and though it was a military school, he was not enlisting and would still be a high school student. He returned to talking about the courses and activities offered by the school and its academic reputation. He thought the discipline and focus would help him be more successful. It was obvious he had done his homework, and it was evidence of how seriously he took this idea of leaving home, traveling and living at the school, and taking on a rigorous academic and physical regimen at 16 years of age.

Young though he may be, he had reached a fork in the road in his life that his mother and myself didn't see. We asked, Why would he want to be going to a military institute that sat out in the middle of the New Mexican desert? It was their reputation, he said. In their one year cadet prep program, 97% go on to one of the military academies. Out of a total of 900 students, 90 went on to the military academies. He thought that by doing well at NMI, he could pick any college he wanted to attend, and after graduation from college, become an officer. I began to suspect that he was bored living under the shady trees amidst a wealthy suburb south of San Francisco. A bedroom community offers a little excitement, punching a time clock, working at a retail store, or hanging around with your friends, playing with your phone while living at home.

It's a lot less adventurous and exciting than traveling around the different places, living within a community where 30% of the student body is international, 100% are former military, and meeting the many challenges that the military presents. We reminded him that home and community are important for his development. They are nourishing, sustaining, and necessary foundations for his life.

But, like bread, they can often become stale. It wasn't love or nourishment that was missing. He just needed more room to grow. Finally, I just had to get to the point. I asked him, what's this all about? I said, I got no problem with the military, but why not do ROTC in college?

If you want to go in the military, why do you need to go down there and do this? It was a moment of silence and a calm, self-assured demeanor. He looked at me, and without any doubt or hesitancy in his voice, he said, Dad, I am not going to go to Stanford Business School, and I am not going to go to Harvard, and I am not going to spend the rest of my life working in an office. I want to be a captain in the Green Berets. I was speechless. There was nothing more I could say, and at that point, I was done.

I was sold. He said he wanted to be an officer in the Green Berets, work in special operations, and be fluent in Arabic. He wanted to be a leader and not a follower. He had heard from his friend's cousin that these men don't need to find themselves.

They do that every time they're standing in the doorway, getting ready to jump out of a plane. I asked him, are you prepared to jump out of a perfectly good airplane over Nigeria? His response was a simple yes. I could see the look in his eyes were infused with his youthful imagination and romanticism, but I knew he meant it. I understood how he felt, and though I thought it was a little early, I reminded myself that, after all, it's just high school.

He's not going off to war. I knew, too, that regardless of how far down this path he goes, he will benefit from making this decision and will learn a lot about himself in the process. This was his decision. He looked into his own insimpiate life and realized that he needed to find a different path to take him to a different place. He didn't know where that place was located, but his imagination convinced him that it existed.

He just had to find it. And when we come back, more of this terrific story from Bob McClellan. And by the way, if you have a storyteller in your town that you know can just, well, hop out stories, send his or her information to us. We know there are great storytellers all over this great country.

More of the McClellan Files after these messages. This is Lee Habib, host of Our American Stories. Every day, we set out to tell the stories of Americans past and present, from small towns to big cities, and from all walks of life, doing extraordinary things. But we truly can't do this show without you. Our shows are free to listen to, but they're not free to make. If you love what you hear, go to OurAmericanStories.com and make a donation to keep the stories coming.

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Don't forget to visit infiniteicon.com to pre-save my album. Sponsored by 11-11 Media. This is Lee Habib and this is Our American Stories. And we pick up where we last left off with The MacLellan Files. A young man, a boy, having a dream in his head, a vision in his head of leading a team overseas in the Green Beret and making that next important move to go to military school.

Let's pick up where we last left off. As a parent, I learned eventually I could not really direct my children's lives anymore. Oh yeah, I could influence or coerce them, but I was no longer the director. In this conversation with him that night, I realized I'd become a spectator. I always believed as a father that the best I could do was to prepare my children to set their direction in life and be ready to live with the success or failure of their choices.

Now, I would have to honor that belief. The consequences exist in the world of adults while children are protected from them. Families like ours create barriers and boundaries and walls trying to keep out the grimmer and grimier aspects of society. But to do that, we risk becoming imprisoned inside the walls, holding on to the illusion that we are safe and in control. We sent our children to private schools, put alarm systems in our house, and were careful about who we invited into our home. But still, we know that no one is safe. We pick their friends, pick their school and where they can go, but at some point we can no longer be there to make their decisions or supervise every activity, place, or person that comes into their life.

The point has to come where either I release them or he just jerks his hand out of mine. Troubles like drugs, teen suicides, mental illness, or just being lost living at home with mom and dad have permeated through the porous walls of his school. He sees some of his peers already making these dangers a lifestyle, and it is one of the reasons why he wants to leave. These dangers may be hidden among the many tomorrows of his future.

It was becoming apparent to me that Tommy is not just running to someplace, but running away from someplace. I thought my wife and I would make all of his decisions, but at some point I know we won't be there to help him. To manage these serious difficulties, he needs many attributes to get him through, and resourcefulness sits at the top of that list. Resourcefulness is an attribute that is part of the military bedrock.

Planning for the unexpected, adapting to fluid situations, and working with limited resources are integral parts of military training. Our natural instinct at home is to nurture our children. It is our duty as parents, but being nurturing is not preparing them to be self-sufficient and independent. Eventually, the breast runs dry and is incapable of providing nourishment for a man. The appetite becomes too large when your son is six feet tall and shaded. Without realizing it, Tommy's decision is one that will help him develop the ability to take care of himself.

Wow, what a concept. Choosing for oneself which side of the wall is right for you is a decision we all have to make. Tommy chose the risk of being on the outside rather than being inside in the safety of the center. His confidence impressed me as evidence of both his desire for independence and self-reliance. Regardless of the outcome, this is his choice. If he gets down there and doesn't like taking seven classes a day and training in 100 degree heat in the desert, then that's just too bad as far as I'm concerned. I am sure this experience will teach him to be very selective about what he chooses to do in the future.

He will certainly learn his limitations down there as well as his capabilities. Video games and drugs and alcohol hold no allure or excitement for him. At NMI, he is not allowed to even have a smartphone and internet access is controlled by the school. He leaves all those attachments and appendages here at home. There is no use for them at the school.

They will write letters instead and carry a flip phone. The school seems to have a policy that I embrace. Less is more. I told him that the door only swings one way here and other than leave or come home on vacations, don't come back until you finish. He said, no problem, dad. I told all my children when they turn 18, three doors will appear in their life. The door to college, the door to the military, and the front door. And they're going to go out on one of those three doors for sure.

And Tommy, he's the last to go. Afterwards, my wife discussed the conversation with me and she asked what I thought was driving his decision. My answer to her question was that he was bored. A high school campus full of kids that all grew up together becomes a very small world. Church for teenagers every Sunday, boy, that gets routine real fast. Faith eventually fades away. Teachers telling him all day what he's to believe doesn't challenge him to think for himself. He doesn't learn to solve real problems, but rather digital or paper once.

In the novel All Quiet in the Western Front, Paul Bomer exclaims to his former teacher after returning home on leave from the front lines in World War One. You never taught us anything really useful, like how to light a match in the wind or make a fire out of wet wood. Sometimes it is the practical and not the theoretical education that is important. He wants to take classes to fly a plane, experience scuba diving and rappel out of a helicopter.

Run an obstacle course and learn about teamwork from teachers who spent many years in the military. He's not interested in being a digital cartoon characterization action figure. He wants to be a real one.

He wants to be a Green Beret no less. Those ideas and dreams lie far out in the future. Though they may never materialize, I am comforted that he has some starting point in his life. These are questions his mother and I have discussed with him since that night. The questions that he could not provide answers for.

He told us he would find them when he gets there. It was so apparent to me that my son was becoming someone else. I could see his hunger for adventure and challenge was contained in my most favorite quote of all of literature, Shakespeare's play, The Taming of the Shrew.

It introduces its hero, Petruchio, who while riding in De Padua is greeted by a friend from his hometown who asks, Oh hail Petruchio, what winds blow thee to Padua? He answers, such winds that scatter young men through the world to seek their fortune farther from home where small experience grows. These are the words that helped me understand my son's decision. I worry about his mother, how she's feeling about the prospect of her son leaving home at 16. She was unprepared and not happy about a separation so soon from Tommy. Our other son Bobby had left for college a year earlier and she thought she would have Tommy for two more years.

The idea of spending 20 years as a mother and then watching them leave home is a painful experience for any mom. But his desire was so credible and so sincere that she could only say yes. She said she could not be so selfish as to stand in the way of her son seeking to make his life matter at 16. She always said that she put her children first. Her commitment to that devotion puts her into the selfless position that how her children feel is more important than how she feels. So she is preparing herself for what will be one of the most difficult sacrifices she could make for her children. What a fine example of love that is.

For me, I grew up in and served in the military as did most of my family. And though I will miss him, I accept the idea that life is a journey through a strange land and each obstacle that's overcome becomes a transition to the next place in life. This challenge will expand the margins of Tommy's life and test his capabilities. When we finally informed Tommy that he'd been accepted and that he could go, I had a sense that I would see a lot of Roswell, New Mexico over the next couple of years.

I think my wife will insist upon it. And what a terrific story and as always beautifully told and written by Bob McClellan. And by the way, again, if you know a storyteller in your town, in your city, in your community, and you know who they are, there are a few people who can just really write and tell a story. Send their names to us.

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