Today I'm Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. If you've been a Christian for a long time, you're very familiar with our call to be salt and light in this world. But what does that look like in our current climate? How do we connect and share God's love in such a hostile environment?
Well, it begins with one thing that I think we've overlooked. It will be the beginning of you building a bridge with some people you love. that maybe you feel like you can't even talk to right now. Stay with me. I'm Dave Druy, and today on Living on the Edge, Chip Ingram invites you to hear from author and guest teacher Aaron Pierce as he shows us how to widen our circle of friendship to reach the people who'd never walk into a church.
These days our social circles keep getting smaller. Our neighborhoods, our workplaces, even our own families feel more disconnected than ever. which means the people who need Jesus most are getting harder to reach.
So let's join Aaron Pierce with today's timely message, Building Trust and Friendships. And so the truth that we need to understand is that secular people are looking for deep relational connection and belonging. The challenge is that we have this false idea. And the false idea is this, and this is a cultural lie. that we have today.
which is to love or be in relationship with someone. I have to affirm. their lifestyle or their worldview. Another key point has to do with the idea of holiness. versus relevance.
And so what happens is you can actually err. on either side.
So you can be completely quote-unquote relevant. to the point where you look exactly like the world. And you essentially adopt the world's lifestyle and morals and theology in order to fit in and to connect. And so that's kind of one extreme end of the spectrum. The other spectrum is that we are so quote unquote holy.
that we isolate ourselves from the world so that we have no impact and no influence on the world. And so the tension is how do we actually be in the world? But distinct. That's the tension that we need to have. And as followers of Jesus, we are called to go into the world and to transform it.
So how do we how do we do this well?
So, the first thing is, again, is we want to be when we're developing these relationships, these friendships. We want to be distinct. We want to be clear that we're a follower of Jesus.
So we want to be distinct and clear, but we don't want to be obnoxious. The second thing that's really important in this approach is that we've we cannot be offended. that non-Christians act Like non-Christians.
So many times Christians are so precious and you freak out, and we need to be a little more relaxed that we're not gonna freak out when someone acts like a non-Christian because that is what they are. The next point is that the goal, and this is critical. The goal is not to flaunt. Our moral superiority, like the fact that we swear a little less, or the fact that we don't, you know, we don't get drunk. And the goal is not to flaunt that.
The goal is that we actually allow them to see. our supernatural hope, love, joy, and peace. That Is what you want people, the distinction that you want people to see. I'm not suggesting that we don't worry about our morals. I'm just saying that is not what's gonna attract someone.
They wanna see something supernatural. And the supernatural is the fruit of the Spirit. Where and you know especially when they see how you handle hard things, how you handle suffering, because then what you get Is you get that classic apologetic verse, which is 1 Peter 3:15, which says, Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope. that you have, but do this with gentleness and respect. They're not asking you to give the reason that you swear less or the reason that you're not drinking.
That's not what they're they're asking where does the hope come from. And so I think this is a critical distinction that we need to make as we engage secular people.
So we want people to see those supernatural things of hope, joy, love, and peace in our lives. All right, so those are kind of the basic principles.
Now how do we actually get friendships? Like, how do we actually do this?
So the idea is here is we want to adopt a missionary mindset. And so what does that mean? That means that we want to be intentional. about a lifestyle That is going to put us in places and situations where we're going to be able to interact with and ultimately develop friendships with secular people. It means that it doesn't just happen organically.
Like a missionary is not an organic, oh, well, look at this, I'm in Egypt now. No, I decided. to go to Egypt. To pursue people in Egypt that don't know Jesus. That is the mindset.
that we need to have right here. The approach is we need to be missionaries. To our people in our cities. And so the idea is we adopt in a missionary mindset, an intentional lifestyle. And again, we go back to the fact that that starts in a broken heart.
counting the costs and now we intentionally engage with people.
So how do we do that?
Well, the first thing you can do is start by actively pursuing people in your oikos, which is a Greek word for your sphere of influence.
So, who's already in your sphere of influence? Whether that's obviously family. coworkers, neighbors. There are people already around you. That There's a difference between like knowing someone or seeing someone at events or Thanksgiving and pursuing them.
for a deeper relationship. And there are people right now in your world. That if you ask the Lord, God, who do you want me to pursue? Who do you want me to pursue for a deeper relationship? And sometimes in your own family, that means that I'm going to pursue people where I have a broken relationship.
And the goal in this case is not necessarily to Preach the gospel, ultimately we want that. But the goal is to build and mend a relationship, right? To start there. Or maybe there's people that you're working with. Worked with for years, but you haven't pursued a relationship with them beyond your work.
And we need to say, God, who is it in my sphere of influence? that you want me to pursue intentionally. For a deeper relationship. And ultimately, we're talking about people today who would not walk into a church. Second thing, when it comes to the missionary mindset, is we should expand Our OICAS because the reality is, in our culture, our OICAS, our sphere of influence, is getting smaller and smaller.
Even our neighborhoods, we don't engage with like we used to. You know, working from home has made our work influence smaller and smaller, right? Families are more separated than ever before.
So, in fact, a lot of times, our natural sphere of influence is pretty small. And so we need to expand that by being relationally present in secular places. Again, this is that missionary mindset. And so the idea is what can we do?
Well, go to places like Hobbies. Where people like to do things together. Remember, secular people are looking for belonging and community. And if they're not finding it in the church, they're finding it in other places. And so these are great places where you can, not just organically because I like sports, because I want to develop relationships.
Because I want to connect with people. Where are the places that I could go? hobbies that I can be part of where I can develop relationships with secular people that wouldn't walk into a church. Yeah, there are causes. Causes are actually awesome ways to connect because causes, and we'll talk about this later when we talk about politics, but causes inherently suggest that people want to be part of something bigger than themselves.
And that they believe the world is not as it ought to be, and they want to make it better. I mean, those are biblical truths that we can actually connect with someone on, even if they don't follow Jesus.
So, finding causes, whether it's local politics, social causes, neighborhood groups, whatever, causes that you can connect into to develop these relationships with secular people. And then lastly, it's places or events. Right, so it's public places where people hang out, parks, bars, gyms. Maybe it's events like festivals where you can go and you can develop authentic relationships. Again, the big paradigm shift here is this doesn't just happen organically.
This is God saying to you, I want you to be a missionary in your city. And part of being a good missionary is you go where the people are. In order to develop authentic relationships. And you go there and you develop real relationships with them.
Now, some key wisdom, especially when you're going to places that are either kind of spiritually dark or there's maybe some issues like if there's alcohol there and you've got a history with alcohol abuse. The key here is to there needs to be wisdom in going. You need to be clear about your motivation, why you're going. and who's doing the influencing. And the other key thing about this is generally you don't want to do this alone.
One of the things, my big challenge is in this is that this should not be an individual sport, this should be a team sport. And what's cool about doing this with a group of people. Is that they actually, first of all, we're gifted differently. We bring different strengths and giftings to the group, but also there are moments when I'm weak or when I'm not feeling particularly brave or courageous. But then, if I'm going with someone else, it's like working out.
When I know someone else is going to be there that I said I'd be there with, I show up, right?
So, doing this together is good because it keeps you motivated, it keeps you going, but it also keeps you safe so that you're not being influenced by the scene, you're influencing the world.
So, find others that you can do this with, and it makes for a really cool thing to do together. You're listening to Living on the Edge with guest teacher Aaron Pierce. We'll get back to the message in just a moment. But first, have you checked out the Living on the Edge YouTube channel? It's not just audio, it's a chance to actually sit down and watch Chip teach on his own schedule of series covering marriage, parenting, leadership, and more.
New videos post every week, so there's always something fresh waiting for you. If you learn better by watching, or you just want to put a face to the voice, search Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram on YouTube and hit subscribe.
Now back to to day's lesson.
So, I'll give you an example of how I experienced this myself.
So, the Stiger Mission School used to be in New Zealand. And so I went to the Steiger Mission School in New Zealand and I led the outreach there. And New Zealand is a very secular country, very progressive in terms of social things. And we were doing outreach in Wellington, the capital. And we were doing outreach in the city and one day I saw a poster.
On the wall, and the poster was advertising a gay fair. And it was basically like a fair where they were selling things and music and events and all this, but it was all LGBTQ themed. And I looked at that and I had a deep conviction from the Lord that we should reach out to these people because so many people, and we'll talk about this a lot later, in the LGBTQ community, they think that Christians are their enemies. Right, and they don't have real relationships with real Christians. And I felt like God said, I want you to go there and I want you just to connect relationally.
with this group. And so I found a number and I called up the organizer of this fair. And I was like, hey, you know, I'm Aaron. I'm a part of this Christian group. I wanted to be clear about who we were.
And I was wondering if there's anything we can do to serve. At the gay fair. And the person on the other end of the phone was a little skeptical at first. And I convinced them: like, no, we're just here to serve. Can we pick up garbage?
Can we serve water? And eventually, All I can tell you is that in the end, they gave us permission to set up our own stall. at the gay fair to s to serve water. And so we arrived at the venue and it turned out to be the hottest day of the year. And we set up, on the left, we had this very strange film company.
And on the right, they were selling trinkets that I will not describe. And then right in the middle of that was the Jesus stall. And we had cups of water, and on the cups we wrote, Whoever drinks the water I give will never thirst again, signed Jesus. Because we wanted to make sure that the act that we were doing is in the name of Jesus. It was the hottest day of the year.
and we could not give away our water fast enough. Everywhere you looked in the gay fair were people drinking water, reading their cups. And then we had hours and hours of conversations with people that would probably never have talked to Christians. 95% of them were very positive. A few of them, you know, not, but that's part of it.
And then what happened is a few weeks later, we were doing an outreach in Wellington in one of the main cities. We were doing this creative performance. And after the creative performance, a guy came up and he said, I saw you guys. You were at the gay fair. And this was a homosexual man, and we started to talk and build a relationship.
And me and another guy, and my wife, Jen. Built this friendship with him. He eventually invited us over to come to his apartment for dinner. We spent, I mean, we had weeks where we were just connecting relationally, sharing Jesus. We were reading the Sermon on the Mount together.
It was a really, really cool experience. And this is a guy. Who absolutely thought of Christians, evangelical Christians, as the enemy. And we were able to develop a friendship and a relationship that totally softened him to the point where he's reading the Bible with us. because we're willing to go to their places.
and develop relationships. And so again, this is something that all of us can do in our, whether it's the severe influence we already have or intentionally going to places in order to develop relationship with people that were walking to a church.
So the key thing in all of this is that this cannot just be human. This has got to be spirit-led. We need to ask the Holy Spirit to lead and direct our path to the right person. To a person of peace, and to give us supernatural favor.
So often, when we're doing outreach, I'll say, Lord, just lead me to one person. That you want me to connect with. And so you'll end up connecting with a person of peace who's open to the gospel, but also has influence in their scene. who's able to draw you into their world and build a connection in their world. And so you're able to draw and actually connect with far more people.
But the key point here is this is not just a natural thing. This is a supernatural leading of the Holy Spirit to the right person at the right time.
So, as you say, okay, Lord, I'm gonna start, I'm gonna reshape my lifestyle, and I'm gonna intentionally go to places in order to develop relationships with people who wouldn't walk into a church. Lord, would you lead me? to the right person. at the right time. And you do that.
And he will lead you. And you'll find yourself in that relationship like I just described with the guy at the gay fair. All right, so a couple of principles.
Now that you've done it, you're in it. You're engaging this scene, a couple key basic principles. First of all, Like Relax when you're engaging in secular places. Be yourself, have fun, don't be so uptight.
Sometimes, like, whoa, you know, when you have that missionary mindset, sometimes that comes with being a little uptight and also trying to force it.
So, be patient. Don't feel the need to make something happen. Goes back to the point I just said earlier, which is allow the Spirit to directly you to the right person at the right time. Have a long-term view of it. Don't take yourself too seriously.
Sometimes it's awkward. We're all awkward. And most people are not worried about you, they're worried about themselves, right? They don't even see you, frankly.
So don't worry about it too much. Try to have fun. Because joy is contagious. One person in my world that's so good at this is Serena, it's one of the leaders of our Minneapolis team. Her joy draws people.
We were doing an outreach during the George Floyd times. We were doing an outreach right where that happened, and there's this couple. And I saw them because I was praying, Lord, lead me, and I saw them, and they were really kind of cool looking, edgy. I was like, I'd really like to talk to them, but I'm not quite brave enough to do it.
So I was like, Serena, I want to talk to those people.
So she just comes bounding up to him and is like, Hey, you guys are cool. We should talk. And boom, we were talking. And you know, so it wasn't that complicated for her. And so, so the point is, like, that joy is contagious.
You know, and again, that's also the whole point of a team, right? If you got those people, use them. That's what I do.
So, have fun, relax, be yourself. Second thing is harness the incredible power of asking questions and listening. One of the most powerful expressions of love. is to listen. It's again, it's one of the simplest and most powerful expressions of love that you can exhibit to someone is to really listen and ask questions.
So, the principle when it comes to this is three things: or three steps to doing it right. Number one, listen. Number two, ask questions. Number three, listen. This is, I mean, and it's the simplest and most profound thing.
that you can do. And so if you want to go deeper into this stuff, read the old school book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, because it's basically those principles. How to really connect, how to build authentic friendships with people. And then, again, the idea here is don't make assumptions. We put people in boxes just about how they look, right?
So the idea of listening and ask questions, don't make assumptions about them. Really listen, try to understand them, learn their real raw story. Everyone's going through stuff. Right? It's everyone is filtered reality looks good, but in true reality, there's stuff I'm going through.
So learn the real story. And what's amazing is people will tell you their real stories. Going back to that story with Serena and those two people, we connected with them. We sat down right in the middle of the George Foy thing and just talked for hours. And they shared stories, deep, vulnerable stories of brokenness so quickly.
People are really hungry to share their stories. And then Again, really try to understand their perspective. And one of the easiest things when someone says something that you don't agree with, just like, how did you come to believe that? Really understand. And oftentimes, two things happen.
When you understand how they came to believe, you understand the real issue. Plus you have a love for them and an empathy for them that you might not have had before.
So really try to understand what they believe. And remember, Empathy is not the same as agreeing or affirming.
Sometimes we're so afraid to like listen and understand someone whose view is totally out of alignment with the Bible, but it's okay. That is not the same as agreeing or affirming. Remember that. And then find common ground. and genuine ways to affirm someone.
We're going to talk about this more during the spiritual conversations idea, but there's always things that you can affirm in someone. Because whether they're following Jesus or not, they are made in the image of God. And there's things about them that God has designed that you can begin to call out and to affirm, and that is like water to a desert. for secular people who are not hearing those words of affirmation.
So The principle here is how are we going to build relationships with secular people? My challenge to you is this. Ask God to highlight spend some time alone seeking the Lord. and ask God to highlight one person. In your oikas, that you will actively pursue.
for a deeper relationship. Like, who, who, like, and again, don't just pick someone, like, seek the Lord and say, Lord, who is it in my family? at my work, in my neighborhood. Whatever, the people that are already in my sphere of influence, who do you want me to actively pursue? for a deeper relationship.
And then second one, ask God for one place. One place, a hobby, cause, or place where you will be relationally present intentionally. in order to develop new relationships with secular people. That's my challenge for you to take away from this time. You've been listening to Living on the Edge with guest teacher Aaron Pierce and a message titled Building Trust and Friendships.
Our regular Bible teacher, Chip Ingram, will help wrap up today's program in just a minute. But if you ever want to revisit or share any part of our current series called Caring Enough to Connect: Building Bridges to Those We Love, just go online to livingontheedge.org. Expanding your circle of friendship, like Aaron talked about today, is exactly what the Not Beyond Reach participants guide equips you to do. It's a 10-week video-based study with sessions on starting spiritual conversations, navigating politics, sexuality, and science, and sharing the message of the cross with people who feel far from God. And right now, we're offering this special study guide at a discounted price.
So go to livingonthege.org/slash offers to get yours today. For 30 years Living on the Edge has worked diligently to help Christians live like Christians. And as a listener-supported ministry, it's your giving that ultimately makes that impact. Today we invite you to give a generous donation and help more believers reach the next generation. Give online at livingonthege.
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Well, now here's Chip with Aaron to close out today's message. Aaron, thanks again for being with us here today in studio. Today you challenge us to expand our oikas or our sphere of influence to secular places. But I think it's really important for us to define that phrase secular places. You know, I think it's easy to say, yeah, a nightclub or bars or spots.
I mean, those are secular places to engage people. But let's take a minute and share some everyday places that you and I maybe are more comfortable with or on a general basis relate to people. You know, Chip, that's a really good point. You know, I have four kids and they all play soccer, which means that my wife and I spend an insane amount of time hanging out at soccer fields. And what I've found is that this is an incredible opportunity to build relationships with other parents because we're spending hours together on the sidelines and we're traveling to tournaments and sharing meals.
And it's just an amazing time for me to build relationships and to get to know them and befriend them and walk them through a journey of friendship that begins to engage in spiritual conversations and eventually gospel conversations. And I have another friend who loves fancy cars and he's part of a car club that brings together all these car enthusiasts and he develops the relationships there and he gets to naturally interact with people who wouldn't be ready to come to a church, but they're looking for friendship. They're looking for connection. And so these opportunities are all around us. And it just is a matter of intentionality to adopt that missionary mindset right where you are and to pursue people in these places where God gives you those.
opportunities.
Well, that's all for today. We'll see you next time here on Living on the Edge. Wow. Today's program is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge. Uh
