Today I'm Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. If your teenager or young adult is drifting, or has actually walked away from the Lord. and you need help. You don't know what to do? Or how to do it.
Stay with me. Today, help is on the way. Welcome to Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram. And today, a unique teaching series continues from Chip's friend guest teacher Aaron Pierce, who leads a global ministry reaching secular young people with the gospel. Our study is called Caring Enough to Connect, Building Bridges to Those We Love.
And today Aaron shows us how to actually build trust and real friendship with the people in our lives who feel far from God. As we'll see, oftentimes the way to reach those who seem lost isn't with a better argument, it's with better friendship.
Now, here's Aaron Pierce with today's insightful message titled: Building Trust and Friendships.
So today it's all about how to build relationships and friendships with secular non-religious people. I want to start with a story.
So this is a girl called Lucy. She was a singer and actress in that world. And as you can imagine, it's a pretty crazy world in terms of lifestyle and morality. She actually lived what was called a polya more lifestyle.
So what that meant is that she had multiple sexual relationships with different people at the same time, all open, different genders. It didn't matter. And the justification for it was that she had so much love to give. That was kind of like the argument for that lifestyle. And the reality of it is that she was actually really feeling empty and lonely.
And she was living in this pretty tough environment when she met a girl called Maria. who befriended her and began to connect with her and to talk to her about the struggles that she was dealing with, and then shared that she was a follower of Jesus and began to pray with her and to really empathize with what she was going through. And eventually, this girl Maria invited her to come to a Bible study. At her home, where she heard the gospel and she got invited into a community. She didn't begin to follow Jesus right away, but she got embraced in this community and she began to develop friendships.
She began to really connect with these people. And eventually, she made a decision to follow Jesus. And through that whole community, she even was eventually baptized. And that's Maria that was at her baptism in a river. Really cool story.
And here's the thing: this girl, Lucy, perfectly illustrates what so many people are going through today.
So a Harvard study last year showed that 61% of young adults feel serious loneliness. 61% feel serious loneliness. This was last year. And there's a bunch of reasons why loneliness has become an epidemic, which is so common.
So there's a number of reasons. First is just basically the concept of cheap sex. We have rejected the biblical sexual ethic. Right, where that where sex is supposed to be between a man and woman in the context of marriage, that has been rejected. And basically, sex is nothing more than a physical act that is about personal pleasure.
You know, so long as you're not harming others and it's governed by the sense of mutual consent, you can do whatever you want, right? And so, that's the sexual ethic of the day. And it's also led to kind of cultural changes, right? Where we're delaying marriage, we're delaying kids. And what's so ironic about that is we actually desire intimacy.
We desire connection, but we're pushing away the design where we're supposed to find that most meaningfully in our human existence is in the context of a family. And so that's being delayed and pushed away. And then, of course, you've got just pornography and hookup culture, which is a pervasive culture of our day. You got crazy things like dating apps where people are connecting with strangers and with very personal, very little personal connection, but they're connecting sexually. And it's leading to all Sorts of brokenness and loneliness because of this concept of cheap sex.
The other is technological changes that we've experienced with social media, video games, and now the emergence of the metaverse, which is a whole big thing as well. And so, basically, what you've got is this sense of filtered reality, right? Which is that on social media, but also on these other things, we're presenting a view of ourselves and we're seeing a view of others that is filtered. It's not real.
So, in that sense, all my connections are superficial and they're not authentic. And so you have a lot of this filtered reality, and then you have a sense of escapism. And the idea here is that rather than face the issues or the dark thoughts that I'm facing, I can escape into the world of video games or metaverse, or I can just keep scrolling. It's like the Finding Nemo movie where it's like, just keep swimming. It just keeps scrolling so I don't have to think about these big, deep, scary thoughts.
I escape into the world of video games, which is how so many people are responding to the challenges and the difficulties that face, where the way that God has designed it is that when we face challenges, we have a community, right, that we connect into. And instead, we move to escapism. And then we have this sense of living someone else's story. Which is a big thing that we experience. One of the things that people love to do is follow a particular social media influencer, right?
And so it'll be someone on YouTube. There's a kind of the modern-day Seinfeld, is a girl called Emma Chamberlain. And she basically has a YouTube channel about nothing. But she's this charismatic girl that posts these videos of her just doing daily life. And people love it because they connect and they live through her story.
And so she has millions and millions of followers on YouTube and other platforms, and she's not doing anything particularly interesting, but people really connect because they get to live someone else's story. And that is true also for the world of video games, where you live a kind of a fantasy world of living some character out, or in the metaverse where people are fighting their kind of identity and an avatar. And so you've got all of these things technologically, and then our sexual ethics. that is creating this deep sense of loneliness. And of course, God has created us to be in community.
So when we're missing that sense of community, we feel this deep longing for something. And so many people are experiencing it.
So many people sense that there's something missing. And so the truth. that we need to understand is that secular people are looking for deep relational connection and belonging. That is a deep desire that people have. You can bank on that truth when you're connecting with people.
They desire. for deep relational connection and belonging. The challenge is that we have this false idea. And the false idea is this, and this is a cultural lie. that we have today.
which is to love or be in relationship with someone. I have to affirm. their lifestyle or their worldview. That is a lie that our culture has put on us. And here's the thing that's really important to understand, is that Jesus demonstrated That association in relationship with sinners, and I put that in quotes only because we're all sinners, right?
But association in relationship with sinners was not synonymous. with affirming their lifestyle. Jesus demonstrated this in a really powerful way over and over and over again.
So let's talk about this because one of the challenges of our day is tribalism. Right, it's this us versus them mentality. It's this toxic trait of modern culture basically because of social media algorithms, cable news, internet conspiracies. It's this intense sense of us versus them, the other side. We kind of straw man argument of the other side and what they're about and how they're out to get us.
And so you have this toxic tribalism of the day. But the thing is, tribalism existed during Jesus' day as well. in multiple ways. And one of the good examples of that was actually the Jews and the Samaritans.
So the Samaritans were these kind of racially mixed people of Gentiles and Jew background, and the Jews and Samaritans hated each other. Like Jews would actually, there would be a direct path to go somewhere through the Samaritan area, but they would go around it just so they wouldn't be associated with these unclean people, right? And so it was in that context in John 4 that Jesus goes to Samaria and he meets the woman at the well. Which is an incredible example of Jesus defying the tribalism of his day. where he defied it in a radical countercultural way because he end up engaging, he actually initiates contact with this woman.
Just the fact that she's a woman that's already breaking some boundaries, but then the fact is that this is a woman who's been married five times and now is currently living with a man that is not her husband. And that day, like the fact that he would engage this woman was just beyond comprehension. And it speaks to how Jesus loved people so much that he wasn't going to be, you know, he was going to cross those cultural boundaries.
So, but that didn't mean that he affirmed their lifestyle, right? That didn't mean that he accepted the way that someone lived and said, just do whatever you want. He challenged people to sin no more, even as he approached them with great mercy and grace. And so that's the thing we have to understand. But what that means as well is that Jesus was, he offended the religious people of his day.
And he offended him because he spent so much time with sinners. Because that's what happens when you spend time with sinners, you get accused of being one yourself. And so, what happens is we were afraid to associate with those people lest I get, you know, lumped in with them and like I am agreeing with them. And so, that is one of the challenges that we have. But again, Jesus did this all the time.
Luke 15:1 and 2 said the tax collectors and sinners were all gathering around to hear Jesus, but the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, This man welcomes sinners and eats with them. And eating with people in that culture was a very intimate thing to do. And so Jesus was willing to be very intimate with these people, even if it offended the religious establishment. And so that's part of what we have to deal with today. You're listening to Living on the Edge with guest teacher Aaron Pierce.
We'll get back to the message in just a moment. But first, have you checked out the Living on the Edge YouTube channel? It's not just audio, it's a chance to actually sit down and watch Chip teach on his own schedule of series covering marriage, parenting, leadership, and more. New videos post every week, so there's always something fresh waiting for you. If you learn better by watching, or you just want to put a face to the voice, search Living on the Edge with Chip Ingram on YouTube and hit subscribe.
Now back to today's lesson.
So part of it is understanding The power of friendship. With people that are not like us, with people that wouldn't walk into a church.
So the first idea is that friendship humanizes them. Right, it's so easy to talk about those people And the way you know what they do, but when you sit across from someone, it's a lot harder to hate them. Right, when you're sitting and having coffee with them, it's a lot harder to hate them. And then friendship actually allows you to demonstrate the gospel with your life.
So, a lot of secular people have a lot of false assumptions about who Jesus is and what Jesus' followers are like. And they, like us, they make these kind of misconceptions. And when you get to be with secular people and live a life, you can actually reflect the gospel in a way through your actions that can break down some of those walls. You know, Philippians 2, 3, and 4 is such a powerful verse because if we can live this verse out in front of secular people, it's the kind of verse that does not make sense to secular culture. It's the idea of do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.
Rather in humility, value others above yourself, not looking to your own interest, but each of you to the interest of others. If you live that kind of life, in front of secular people, it blows them away. Right? Because that is something where you're laying down my needs, my desires, for someone else's sake. The religion of this culture is secular humanism.
which is the religion of self. Right? And it's all about me and pursuing my happiness. And when you see people lay aside their happiness for the sake of others, it's radical, countercultural that really opens up the opportunity to connect with people. The other thing that friendship does, it helps you to understand.
So often, we don't actually understand people or understand how they came to be where they are or understand why they believe what they believe. And so because of that, we're not able to communicate the gospel effectively.
So, when you build friendships, you can actually get to know them, and then you're able to communicate the gospel in a way that connects with them. And then beyond that, it allows you to earn the trust. to actually challenge their views and speak truth. We live in a very sensitive time in which if you challenge my views, I'm going to get offended. But when I build the relational trust and credibility, then I can actually speak into your life.
So the power of friendship in engaging secular people is amazing. And also what's beautiful about this Is you don't have to be super talented or a really persuasive, apologetic person. You can just be a good friend. And so it's accessible to all of us, and each of us can build a friendship with a few people that God puts in our life. To me, this is encouraging because I can do this.
Anyone can do this, and we're gonna talk more about what that looks like. But here's the thing. In order for you to do this, You've got to count the cost. Because one of the addictions of our time. is busyness.
We are so over scheduled. And as Christians, we're often overscheduled doing good things, like Five different Bible studies and eight different church events, all good stuff, but there is literally no room, no margin. to have a relationship with a secular person. And as we all know, relationships take time, they're costly, right? And so we need to make room, which means we need to have a shift in priority and lifestyle.
This starts with the broken hearts. Where we repent and say, God, my heart is cold. It's not right. I'm sorry, would you give me your broken heart? And when your heart is broken, then you're willing to sacrifice.
So we need to count the cost. and intentionally build the margin in our life. in order to have these kinds of relationships. All right. Another key point.
has to do with the idea of holiness. versus relevance. And so what happens is you can actually err. on either side.
So you can be completely quote-unquote relevant. to the point where you look exactly like the world. And you essentially adopt the world's lifestyle and morals and theology in order to fit in and to connect. And so that's kind of one extreme end of the spectrum. The other spectrum is that we are so quote unquote holy.
That we isolate ourselves from the world, that we're completely disconnected, that we do everything separate, separate Christian schools, Christian entertainment, Christian everything, so that we have no impact. and no influence on the world. And so the tension is how do we actually be in the world? but distinct. That's the tension that we need to have.
And as followers of Jesus, we are called to go into the world and to transform it. You know, and and that means that we have to be distinct. We don't compromise morally or theologically. But we also don't hide from the world either. And so there's that tension of relevance versus holiness.
So, how do we do this well?
So, the first thing is, again, is we want to be, when we're developing these relationships, these friendships. We want to be distinct. We want to be clear that we're a follower of Jesus, right? We don't want to hide the fact that we are a follower of Jesus. In fact, If following Jesus is core to who you are, it should come out naturally.
It should be part of the flow of your conversation.
So we want to be distinct and clear, but we don't want to be obnoxious. The second thing that's really important in this approach is that we've we cannot be offended that non-Christians act Like non-Christians.
So many times, Christians are so precious and so easily offended when someone acts a little rough or maybe makes a comment politically that you don't agree with, and it's like, whoa, and you freak out. And we need to be able to be a little more relaxed that we're not gonna freak out when someone acts like a non-Christian because that is what they are. The next point is that the goal, and this is critical. The goal is not to flaunt. Our moral superiority, like the fact that we swear a little less, or the fact that we don't, you know, we don't get drunk.
And the goal is not to flaunt that. The goal is that we actually allow them to see. our supernatural hope, love, joy, and peace.
So what I mean by that is what people want to see is how is it that you are joyful in suffering. How is it that you just found out that you have cancer, but you have peace? How does that make sense? How is it that you have hope when everything around you is falling apart? How is it that you are able to love the unlovable, that you are able to forgive someone that hurt you?
How is it that you are able to have hope, love, joy, and peace? And the reason is because it's not natural. It's a supernatural thing the Holy Spirit has done in you. That. Is what you want people, the distinction that you want people to see.
I'm not suggesting that we don't worry about our morals. I'm just saying that is not what's gonna attract someone. They wanna see something supernatural. And the supernatural is the fruit of the Spirit. Where and you know especially when they see how you handle hard things, how you handle suffering, because then what you get Is you get that classic apologetic verse, which is 1 Peter 3:15, which says, Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope.
That you have, but do this with gentleness and respect. They're not asking you to give the reason that you swear less or the reason that you're not drinking. That's not what they're they're asking, where does the hope? come from. And so I think this is a critical distinction that we need to make as we engage secular people.
So we want people to see those supernatural things of hope, joy, love, and peace in our lives. You've been listening to Living on the Edge with guest teacher Aaron Pierce and a message titled Building Trust and Friendships. If you want to revisit or share this lesson, then be sure to visit our website livingonthege.org. Building a friendship like the one that changed Lucy's life takes more than good intentions. It takes a plan.
That's exactly what you'll find in the Not Beyond Reach participants guide, a 10-week video-based study covering everything from starting spiritual conversations to navigating politics, sexuality, and science. Each lesson gives you a viewing guide, discussion questions, a weekly application, and group exercises like prayer and role play, so your group actually practices what it's learning. Get the Not Beyond Reach participants guide at a discounted price today at livingonthege.org/slash offers.
Somewhere right now, there's a Lucy, lonely, searching, waiting for someone to simply show up. Teachings like what we heard today equip ordinary believers to be that someone, and they only reach people because listeners like you decide this ministry is worth supporting. To give a generous gift today, just go online to livingonthege.org or call us at 888-333-6003. If you'd rather send your gift by mail, just write to us at LivingOnTheEdge, P.O. Box 3007, Suwannee, Georgia, 30024.
Well, now here's Chip Ingram with Aaron to wrap up today's program. Thanks, Dave. Great message, Aaron. I really appreciated the things you shared about building a relational foundation with people that don't know Jesus. Let me ask you: what's been most helpful in befriending someone maybe of a different faith or a different political party or a really different cultural background?
And then what advice would you give to a parent, especially, or maybe a grandparent? who's lost that relational connection. Thanks, Chip. Those are great questions. The first thing I need to do is remind myself that they too.
are made in the image of God and that God loves them, that in fact, these are the ones that Jesus died for, and that they too have hopes and dreams and are wanting a good life, and all the things that we share with people in common. And so, what I ask is that God would allow me to see these people as He does, to see them through His eyes. And then to remember These important truths that Love does not equal affirmation. And then as a parent or grandparent who's Whose children or child may be has walked away from the Lord, first of all, my heart breaks for you. And then I would say Don't give up.
And as you interact with them, Practically, I would say don't waver. in your biblical convictions. But at the same time Don't get hung up on debating secondary or downstream issues like politics or moral behavior. Because, as we will discuss later in the series, they need to meet Jesus first. And so instead, seek to be a consistent, loving presence in their life.
And then I would say, live a life. That is fueled by the power of the Holy Spirit because more than anything else. What they need to see is the supernatural work of God in your life. They need to see that you have hope that cannot be shaken because your hope is in something outside of this world. They need to see that in your life.
That is what is attractive. And then finally, I would say: pray like crazy. Ask God to bring people into their lives. Ask God to do something circumstantially in their life that would draw them to God, that would open their hearts. Don't give up hope.
because their story is not over yet. I'm your host, Dave Druy. Join us next time as Aaron Pierce shows us how to expand our circle of friendships even further to reach the people who need Jesus most. That's on the next edition of Living on the Edge. Yeah.
Bye. Today's program is produced and sponsored by Living on the Edge. Uh
