Welcome to the InTouch podcast with Charles Stanley for Tuesday, August 11th. It's always encouraging to hear words of appreciation for a job well done. Today, on the InTouch podcast, we'll discover how to receive praise with humility, graciously accepting kind words without letting them take root in pride. All of us enjoy being praised by someone who praises us sincerely. But when it comes to criticism, we're not quite so delightful to hear that.
And so, when we think in terms of praise and criticism, the truth is, all of our life we're going to get some of both.
Sometimes a whole lot of one, not much of the other. But criticism and praise are two things we have to learn how to live with. And so if you'll think about how awesome these two emotions are. That both of them are powerful emotions making a tremendous effect upon our life. If you and I respond in the right way to criticism, it'll develop us.
If we respond in the wrong way, it can destroy us.
So it is also with praise if we respond in the right way. It can inspire us and motivate us. If we respond in the wrong way, it too can destroy us.
So, what I want to talk about in this message is how to handle criticism and praise. And I want you to turn to the book of Proverbs, if you will, and if you'll turn to the 15th chapter. And the 22nd verse says, Without consultation, plans are frustrated. but with many counselors they succeed. Then if you'll turn to the 27th chapter, And I want you to notice here.
In uh the The second verse of this 27th chapter, the scripture says, Let another praise you. and not your own mouth, a stranger and not your own lips.
Now we said criticism for example. We don't like that too much. Praise, we like that a little better. And yet, I want us to think about the two of these. Because you see, Criticism is the most shall we say, the most difficult to accept.
but it's the most profitable of the two. Whereas praise is the one that we love to hear the most of, but oftentimes can be destructive. That is, if we do not handle praise correctly, it can destroy us. If we do not handle criticism correctly, it too can destroy us. And so it's very important we know how to handle both of them.
And of the two, the most destructive probably could be praise because when a person becomes so self-centered and so self-interested and so prideful, arrogant, and self-sufficient, what happens is they are just absolutely headed for destruction because he says pride comes before the fall. And therefore, we have to be careful how we're going to handle the praise in our life.
Now, When I think about both of those, I think about how Satan responds. For example, Satan will take advantage of both of those in our life. When someone criticizes you, and Satan will say, See there, you don't fit, you're not worth it, you don't measure up, you can't cut it. Which is a very demeaning thing from him. On the other hand, someone comes along and praises you, and what does Satan do?
Satan says, See, you're number one. Satan says, See, you're the best-looking one. Satan says, See, you got it made. You're the most important person in this business. And so, what does he do?
He wants to elevate you beyond what you ought to be. And on the other hand, when you criticize, he wants to tear you down.
So, Satan will take advantage of both criticism and praise that you and I have to deal with in our life. That's why it is very important that we understand how to respond to both of them. How do I respond to criticism? Then, how do I respond to praise? And so, he says here, certainly you and I to let someone else praise us and not ourselves.
Now, When I think about criticism, I think about people who have a difficult time handling that. But what about praise? Do you realize that many people have just as much of a problem handling praise as they do difficulty or as they do criticism? For example, There are people when you say, you did an absolutely fantastic job. That was, well, thank you very much.
And what happens? They will say, well, you know, I didn't really do it. God did it. It wasn't me at all. What they're saying is they can't handle the praise.
Or they will say, well, You know, I really don't give me any credit because I don't really deserve any credit for it.
Somehow, they can't accept even a compliment. They can't accept praise. Why? because somewhere along the way they've been so damaged they feel unworthy. Therefore, when you genuinely want to praise them and genuinely want to consider them and genuinely want to approve them and to exalt them because you think they deserve it, they can't handle it because they're already emotionally convinced and persuaded that they're either a failure or they don't deserve it, they're not worthy.
And so when you praise them, it's almost like pouring iodine into a wound. It stings, it burns because they think, no, no, no.
Now they don't say this, but in their emotions, no, no, no, no, no, I don't deserve that. Don't praise me. And so, what we don't realize is, we don't realize the awesome relationships and the power that we have in relationships. If we can't praise someone, and they can't accept praise. One of the primary reasons, of course, I think is because they feel guilty.
They look back in their past and they feel so unworthy about their life because of things that they've done in the past or things that have happened to them. And you come along and tell them how good they look and how well they're doing and how well they're getting along in life. And somehow they can't handle it.
Something inside of them just will not allow them to enjoy. It is amazing. Listen, some people hurt equally with praise and criticism. Why? Listen carefully, because what you say or what you did not say is not the bottom line of their problem.
The bottom line of their problem is something that happened way back on in their life. They either will not acknowledge, they will not deal with, it's too painful to deal with, and so what do they do? They cover it up, covered it up, covered it up, covered it up, push it, push it, push it, push it, do anything but look on the inside to say, what's going on inside of my life? Think about this. Why can you not accept praise?
Why can you not accept a compliment? Why can you not accept criticism? What is it going on inside you see? Because it may come from different sources, different people. Are all these people wrong?
Are all of them putting pressure on you because they want to compliment you? Are all of them wrong because they want to give you some word of advice or maybe express something? And the truth is, what's life all about? Life is not all about things. Life is all about relationships.
Life is all about learning to communicate with other people. Life is all about being able to listen and to hear what the other person said, not what I think they said, what I wanted to hear, but what they really said. And oftentimes, people will not even take advantage of opportunities because they don't want to get into a crowd. They don't know exactly how to respond even to criticism or to praise. And so, what happens?
Instead of enjoying the things that God wants to do in our life, somehow we can.
Now, think about this: the Lord Jesus Christ certainly is one who would praise us. How do I know that? Because I think when you and I do the right thing in a given situation, maybe it's some temptation or something He challenges you to give and you do that or whatever it might be, do you think God's in heaven saying, Well, we did pretty good? No, I think God certainly praises us in the right fashion. Not because we did it, but because He knows it in our heart.
We knew that He did it. We acknowledge the fact that it is He living in us and through us. God knows how to spot pride. You don't have to wonder whether God's going to get deceived or not. When we give Him the credit and the honor for what goes on in our life, and we do a good job of whatever He calls us to, God is delighted in that.
Now another reason I know that is because in the judgment of the believers at the judgment seat of Christ, when you and I stand before him, he's going to praise us. What are rewards but praise? And he says, listen, well done thou good and faithful servant. You've been faithful over a few things.
Now I'm going to give you more responsibility in life. What is he doing? But praising us for a job well done.
Well When I think about what he says in this passage, he says, a man is tested by the praise accorded him. A man is tested by the praise accorded him.
Now, That simply means that you and I can look at other people and see how they handle praise, how do they handle it?
Some people can't handle much, and I'll tell you, I realize in my own life that I have made a mistake at times praising and commending some people because I genuinely felt it with all of my heart. I was proud of what they did, proud of how they operated, but here's what I've discovered, that some people can't handle all the praise we'd like to give them. Instead of them taking it and handling it in a wise fashion, what happens? It doesn't just go to their heart, it goes to their head. And before long, what happens?
Before long, they begin to send out the tentacles they want more and more praise, more and more praise. And what they begin to do is to live off of your praise. And when you don't give it to them enough and give them enough of it, what happens is then they turn and become critical.
Some people just can't handle it. We have to be discerning not only to know what to praise, but how much praise can a person handle. And sometimes it destroys people because they cannot handle it. They don't know how to handle it. It goes to their head instead of their heart and then sifted out through God's plan and purpose for their life.
The scripture certainly tells us in Colossians chapter 3 that we're not to do anything in order to be men-pleasers. That is, we are not to do things to be seen of men.
Now, I want to give you a personal example of something that happened. I'm sure it happens to every pastor, I do believe, that when I began in the ministry in my very first church, right out of seminary, and I was just in my early 20s. I beginning to pastor a church and knew a little about it. And so I am sure that I can recall preaching and giving it my best and studying all week long and praying and asking the Lord to give me the message. And then when I'd poured out my heart, go to the door and stand at the door.
And I am sure that I wanted to hear people say, that was a great sermon. That was a wonderful. You just did absolutely fantastic, Pastor. That was just wonderful. I'm sure I liked that.
And so you know what happened?
Some Sundays people go out and they just say, well, how you doing? That's how you doing? Happy to see you, Pastor. Never mentioned the sermon, never mentioned anything I said.
So, you know, that went on for a while and I thought. Wait a minute, what's going on here? And I remember being down on, I remember the rug that I used to pray on in my first church, and so I can remember this. It's like the Lord said to me.
Now, wait a minute. Of course, he didn't say it that away, but I'm just saying he got my attention when I was down praying because I thought, well, what's happening? It's like the Lord said to me, Did you tell them what I said, tell them? Yes. Did you do it the way I said do it?
Yeah.
Well, then, why do you have to come back and get on your knees and get in depression because they didn't compliment you?
Well, that sort of got my attention. I thought, well, Lord, that's exactly right. It doesn't make any difference what they think. All I have to do is be obedient to God. If they praise me, fine.
If they criticize me, it doesn't make any difference. As long as I do exactly what God says do, fine.
So, therefore, I had to learn early in life that if I'm going to do anything in the ministry at all, one thing I have to eliminate is what people think. Or their approval, in other words, because here's what happens, watch this. Listen, the way you accept Criticism is the way you're going to accept Approval and the way you accept praise is more than like the way you're going to accept criticism. You're not going to like either one of them. In other words, if you're not careful, You say, well, now I love praise, but I don't like criticism.
After a while, you know what you'll do? You'll say, well, they're just flattering me. These two things that we have to deal with in life are so interrelated and so related to every single aspect of life. In your family, in your business, among your friends, whatever it may be, how we handle criticism and praise are extremely important. And so, I think as we think in terms of how do we handle the praise, it's very evident that.
We have to learn how to handle criticism, but how do we handle praise?
So let's talk about, for example, this whole matter of praise and how we're to handle that.
Well, I think this is the first and most important thing. If someone praises you, here's what you say. You say, well, thank you very much. I certainly do appreciate that. That's all you have to say.
But you see, if you can't handle the praise, if there's got to be some kind of backlash, you've got to say something that excuses it or somehow explains, you don't have to explain it. When somebody says, Well, you look wonderful today. We'll say, well, thank you very much. I appreciate that. What else do you have to say?
You don't have to say anything. I mean, listen, if you say, well, I don't get very many compliments, well, take the ones you get. I mean, enjoy the ones you get. And so, how do you respond? You just respond by saying, Thank you very much, and I appreciate that with a big smile.
And the truth is, you don't have to defend it, you don't have to explain it, you don't have to say, Well, I worked real hard, or this, that, and the other, and so forth. And you don't have to give me those explanations. And you know what? The truth is, people don't want them. If I walk up to you and said, You did a great job at that.
I just want to tell you, I'm really proud of you. All you got to do is say thank you very much. I don't need any explanation. You know why I don't need explanation? Because I've already thought about it.
You don't need to explain it to me. I'm complimenting you because I've thought about it already and I like what you did, and I want to say you did a great job. That's enough. Just let it go at that. But as a second thing, I think, in learning how to accept praise, listen, look for the character quality in that person that caused them to say that.
Ask yourself the question, now why did they, what motivated them to compliment me in that particular way? And you know, sometimes a person will, in their confidence and in their praise, they will express something that went on in their life, or maybe some point of failure, or something that they learned while watching what you did and how you went about it. Just ask yourself the question, what is in that person's life that caused them to be able to see this in my life? And what we learn, we begin to learn how to discern how people think and why they think the way they do. But there's another response that I think is important, that's this.
And that is to share with that person who praises you, share them with them how that affects you. For example, if somebody says to me, Well, listen, I just really got blessed this morning and that really helped me.
Well, thank you very much. I appreciate that. And I just want you to know that when you're telling me that's a real encouragement to me.
Somebody walked into the office back there this morning before the first service and gave me this testimony of how God had worked through him in bringing his father to salvation and all the things that had happened in his life and his mother had just been killed. And it's a real story. And I could honestly say, well, thank you very much for sharing that with me. It wasn't a compliment or a praise, but I'm simply saying he encouraged me by sharing that. And so when a person says, well, By making that particular point, that really helped me.
Well, thank you. That encourages me to be very specific and very clear and very sure you're able to understand. We encourage other people. When they encourage us, and I think we need to say to them, Well, that really blesses me, and thank you very much. And I do appreciate that, and I'll remember that.
And what happens is, they get blessed in their praise toward you. You see, if a person only sees it one way, it's all coming their way. They're not going to ever understand what love's all about in life. If you can't communicate, you can't love. And if you can't receive criticism and give it in the right kind of fashion, there'll never be any kind of real genuine love that goes on in a person's lives.
Yet I see this all the time. But the last thing I would say here, and just these few things about accepting praise, listen, I want to give you two words. Deflect and redirect. That is, when praise comes your way, deflect it. And redirect it.
Now, what do you mean by that?
Well, let me explain this because you'll say, well, that sounds like a contradiction, what you just said. You said when somebody compliments you or praises you, just accept it and say thank you very much. True.
Now listen carefully. When they praise you, One of the wisest things you can do is to immediately think in your mind. It may be that you want to express it, depends upon what it is. But think in your mind, thank you, Father. What you've done, just in that simple whisper to the Father, or thank you, Lord Jesus, however you want to say it, what you've done, you've just let that praise run until you're straight to Him.
You don't have to say it. What I'm saying is, it is an acknowledgement. It is an instantaneous acknowledgement that whatever happened, you just have to thank him for it. Here's what that does: that will prevent you. Listen, if you will deflect and redirect, Now you have not said, oh no, just give God all the credit and all that junky stuff.
I'm talking about genuine, genuine redirecting that and deflecting that.
So what happens? You will never become prideful in your life as long as you are genuinely redirecting those compliments and that praise where you genuinely feel it belongs. Because the truth is, listen, I don't know who you are and what you're doing in life, but I can tell you this, you won't do much by yourself. And so, whether it's in the home or your business or whatever it might be, the wise way to handle praise. is to accept it and say thank you very much.
The wise word of handlers to say, What is it in their life that caused them to be able to see that in my life? The wise way to handle it is to deflect that, redirect that. And share it with other people. And what you're doing, here's what you're doing. Listen to this: if you're in some organization, whether it's two or three people in the organization or two or three hundred, here's what you're doing.
When they hear that you say that, what does it do? It builds up their sense of self-esteem. Because they realize that in your praising them and sharing the praise, you are expressing their value in that business or in that ministry. You're expressing some of your dependence upon them. You're saying to them, this is how important you are.
When you and I are able to receive the praise, deflect it to where we know it should be shared, whether it's your husband, your wife, your children, or your parents, or whatever it might be, people you work with, what you're doing is you're accepting it in a godly fashion. And so, no matter who you are, what the circumstance, if you and I can learn how to handle. Criticism, no matter where it comes from. If we can learn how to handle praise and where it comes from, here's what happens. Both of these are growing elements in our Christian life.
Both of these enable us to grow into Christ's likeness. God will use both criticism and praise to grow us up and to make us godly men and women. And Father, we love you and praise you and thank you and acknowledge that we don't have one single breath without you. Not one drop of blood apart from Your grace to us, not any energy whatsoever. We have nothing apart from you.
We owe you everything. We are grateful that it's that way. We wouldn't want it any other way. And we pray that you'll show us how to relate to other people, how to love them, how to receive their love, how to be a stimulation and a motivation and encouragement to them to do better in whatever area of life that there needs to be some improvement. And that we likewise, Father, be able to receive the praise and share it with those who deserve it, but most of all, to say to you in a whisper of genuine, genuine gratitude, thank you, thank you, thank you, Father.
but we ask it in Jesus' name. Amen. Uh Thank you for listening to part two of How to Handle Criticism and Praise. If you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley or InTouch Ministries, stop by intouch.org. This podcast is a presentation of In Touch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia.
