Are You A Gossip?

This is the Truth Network. Welcome to If Not Forgot. Stories of Hopelessness That Turn to Hope. Here is your host, Mike Zwick. If not for God with Mike Zwick, are you a gossip?

Are you somebody who gossips about people? behind their backs. Yeah. Do you not? And I think immediately when we think of gossip or we think of people who gossip, immediately we go to somebody else.

Well, this person is a gossip or that person is a gossip. But the Bible says in 2 Corinthians 12, verse 20, he says, For I fear lest when I come, I shall not find you such as I would, and that I shall be found unto you, such as you would not, lest there be debates, envyings, wraths, strifes, backbitings. Whisperings, which is gossip. Swellings and tumults. And so, I think a lot of there's a lot of issues that get a lot of attention in the Christian church.

But I think that one of the issues that probably does not get enough attention is the issue of gossip. And I've, oh my gosh, I've looked at probably too many near-death experiences, Robbie. I don't know if you have too. I'm sure you have over the years if you've been on the radio. But I saw one recently, and the guy said that he saw people in hell and they were there because they were constantly gossiping about people behind their backs and they never repented.

And so people talk about sexual sin, people talk about misusing funds and a lot of that stuff. But I think this is one of the issues that gets largely ignored, Robbie. And I think, in addition, to getting largely ignored, is I think because so many people of us do it. And I made a resolution at the beginning of the year. that I was going to stop gossiping.

And when I made that resolution, I became cognizant. I became aware of what I was doing. And I didn't really realize how much I was doing it until I said, I don't want to do this anymore. Have you seen that?

Well, I'm curious. You know, well, you use you as the guinea pig. What did you start to notice that you said? I mean, where would you find yourself gossiping and about what? It's It it's it It is so ingrained Into us, I think, as a society that.

But I mean, give us an example of what you actually found yourself saying about, you know, don't spread the gossip, but just say, man, I was just talking to my wife, and next thing I know, I was saying this about so-and-so.

Well, my mother and my wife, we came over to the house and we started to talk about gossip. And we said we realized how easy it is to do it. And I think one of the things that I realized, Robbie, is that The reason that it's so easy to do it is because of why do we do it? And I think the reason why we do it is because I think it makes us feel better about ourselves. You know, in the Bible, it's Luke 18, I think 10 through 18, where he says, Jesus says this: He says, you know, that there were two men who went up to the church one Sunday, and he said, One of the men said, I thank you, Lord, that I'm not like other men.

He said, I give 10% of my money. I don't commit adultery. He said, I'm a pretty good person. And he said that Jesus said that the second guy beat upon his chest and he said, God, have mercy on me, a sinner. And Jesus said this, not me.

He said, those who humble themselves will be exalted, and those who exalt themselves will be humbled. And I think a way that we exalt ourselves is through gossip. And as far as an example, like, you know, not a specific example, but every time it started, you know, and I started to say something or somebody started to say something, I said, I don't want to gossip. And I gave the reasons for not doing it because I said, at the end of the day, what it does is it actually makes us feel worse about ourselves. We do it to make ourselves feel better about ourselves.

But at the end of the day, it actually makes us feel worse. And so one of the things that my mother told me is she said that she was a part of a group, a Bible study at You know Steve Quartz? Of course. Out in, what is it, Clemens? Probably.

Yeah, Center Grove. Yeah, Center Grove. Center Grove. And she said that she was a part of a Bible study out in Center Grove. And she said that she realized that there was this lady who was difficult to get along with.

And so when this lady was not around, she said that all of the ladies would get together and they would talk about this lady. And she, and my mom said that the leader of this Bible study or group, Sunday school, whatever it was, When they were done, she listened to everything that they had to say and they s she said, let's just say Elaine. She said, Okay, let's get together and pray for Elaine. And so a lot of times what we do is when we gossip. We're saying, hey, I'm bad.

But at least I'm not that bad. And initially, I think it makes us feel better about ourselves. But in the long run, what I've seen is that people who are constant gossipers. You can almost see it on their face. Since you got into this, I went and looked up a simple definition of gossip.

And what I heard. was a couple different things. Which surprised me actually as I'm looking at the definition. It says gossip is talking about another person's life, faults, or circumstances without a loving purpose. or a constructive outcome.

And You know, it's fascinating when you think about that. How often You know, we find fault with other people. And I have, I tell you where my own struggle with this really is. Um with other people, other speakers. I and my kids would catch me at it.

Especially with pastors, right? That I would find fault in not a loving way. And it was really a horrible thing. I mean, I can't even believe what I probably brought on myself in saying, well, man, they missed this and they didn't bring out that. And I worked on our way home, right?

And so rather than edifying what was said or getting them to take. You know, I actually was like the Antichrist here on my way home from church so many times. It's just. Absolutely incredible how horrible I am about that kind of thing. And I'm glad you're bringing this out because it is extremely convicting because Yeah, we do do I do it.

You know, I think, man, that person totally blew that. And again. It's just a matter of what's your motive in doing that. Is your motive Like you said, to pray for Elaine is your motive to make this better in some way, shape, or form? Or is this.

You know, but I I I am if when it comes to this kind of sin, I may be one of the worst. Oh, I know. And so, when you said that, I couldn't think of an example of that at that time. And I think one of the sad things is. Is because we do it so much without even thinking about it.

And so nowadays, You don't even really have to tell somebody something. You don't even really have to gossip. You can look at a picture online or a video online of what somebody else said about somebody else and post it immediately on Facebook or TikTok or Twitter or social media.

Well, essentially, that's gossip. You know, and one of the examples that I thought of is I have a friend of mine. And he had wanted to share a message at church. And this was several months ago. And, you know, I was okay.

I'm ready to listen. I want to hear what he has to say. And we left and I said, Oh, my gosh That guy's not a speaker. He's a nice guy. He's this, he's that.

And I think I ended up talking to the pastor about it. And I said, Look, I said, not everybody who does this, you know, not everybody who has a message to bring or feels like they can bring a message needs to be a speaker in front of a congregation. And the first person that I should have gone to was that person. And I should have said to them, Hey, you know, you're not a speaker. But I did, and I went to several other people.

And still, I don't think you would have gone up to them. And, you know, knowing you as I know you, you wouldn't have said, you know, you're not a speaker. You say, wait, you know, if you consider whether or not you have a gift for or an anointing, you know, for that, because it, or trying to give them some constructive criticism on how they could be bring the message better. And I ended up doing that. I did, and I sent him a couple of articles or whatever, but.

I you know, and so it's difficult because at that time, you know. I saw the mood in the audience, and I saw, you know, and this guy's such a nice guy.

So I'm even looking at it now, and I'm saying, how do you handle something like that? In love. Yeah. Yeah. And, like, how would I, you know, again, how would I want somebody to handle me if I totally blew a radio show or I totally blew a whatever?

And, you know, constructive feedback out of love is: man, I want you to be all you can be, I want you to be what God called you to be. You know, I want you to, you know, the Bible's clear. You know, go make disciples of all nations.

So we've got to, at some level, Be able to speak the gospel, right? Right, right, right. You know, and so. It's an opportunity for all of us to help one another. But the idea of criticism and gossip, I never realized how closely they're related until I read that definition.

I went, oh my goodness. Because. You know My wife and I sometimes we think. Gee, our kids are so critical.

Well, why? Because. Look at their parents. That's right, yeah. And the sad news is: oh my gosh.

Who do you do it in front of? Yeah. Yeah. And well and here's the good news. The good news is, is God has always given us another day.

And so For me, I spent some time repenting and I spent some time saying, God, I'm sorry about this. I shouldn't have done this. But then instead of just beating myself up, I said, okay, what can I do to take action on this? And I got three confirmations from the Lord. The first thing that I did was at the beginning of the year, I posted a video on Facebook about gossip.

And I said, hey, you know, this is something that we all need to work on. But, you know, what I didn't say, and I probably should have, is especially Mike Zwick. You know, I mean, and just because it doesn't seem as bad doesn't mean it's not as bad because. When you gossip, you're talking about somebody else who is not there to defend themselves. And the Bible tells us, it's very specific.

It says, if you have a grievance against somebody, it says, what is the first thing that we're supposed to do? Right, go straight to me. Go straight to that person. And it says that if the Bible says that if that person does not listen to you, then you take two or three other people. And you and you bring them with you.

And then if you won them. If you win them and they say, Yeah, you're right after that first person, and you take two or three other people and they still don't listen to you, then you're supposed to take it before the whole church. And from what I understand, is while they're there.

So, there's no, you know what I mean? There's no, there's no, uh, there's no excuse for that.

So, you've already talked to them. You've taken two other, two or three other people, and you've brought two or three other people, and you've talked to them as well. And then, at the next point, then you take the whole church, and if they still won't listen, if they're in sin or whatever it is. Then at that point, he said you treat them the same as you would a heretic because then they're unrepentant, they don't want to change, and then it could affect the whole church.

So if somebody is living in adultery, if they're married and they're living with another woman, if the guy's living with another woman, or if the woman's married and she's habitually committing adultery, you go directly to her and you say she needs to change. You say he needs to change. If they don't listen to you, then you take two or three other people. If they don't listen to the two or three other people, then you take it before the church. And then if they still won't listen, if they're sitting there saying, I don't care, I'm not going to change, then you actually remove them from the church.

Well, there's an interesting challenge in that passage.

Okay. You know, not to be, you know, and a lot of people quote that.

However, you got to look carefully. I think to me, at any passage before you go laying it on somebody like this, here's a standard for your behavior. Because what it actually says in Matthew 18:15 through 17, it says, if your brother sins against you, Mm-hmm. Go and tell him it falls between you and him alone.

Okay? That isn't. This person you feel like you know, is doing this with this other person, whatever.

Now, if you're the wife and they're sinning and it was your husband, yeah.

Okay. But what it actually you know, when you when you look at it, it says And again, you can use it as a Principle, but if you're actually going to quote the verse, it has to do with. You know, this very thing. And unfortunately, believe me, unfortunately. Um I've experienced this within a church that was extremely fractured that I was on staff at.

And, um, Really, really painful stuff because people started to get involved in trying this. principle without them being Players In the game. In other words, they weren't the one that was getting sinned against. Yeah, yeah. And they didn't really, where it kind of comes into.

What's the motivation here? It's to restore the brother. The motivation isn't to get the person out of the church. The motivation is to is to get the person to repair it, restore. But clearly, if you don't have.

You know, the situation that you're personally involved in it, you know, it so easily can be turned to gossip.

So there's a lot there. I mean, there is, and there's lots of opportunities for me and you to study the scriptures and go, okay, you know, what. What is the loving How would I want to be handled if I was the sinner in this situation? And who would I want to come tell me? Yeah.

Right? And. You know, there's just lots of opportunities in that mind. There are. And, you know, I think I'm one of the people.

Um There's people, I don't know if you know them, they love conflict and they seem to thrive on it. They want to confront you and they're like, hey, I'm going to get in your face and I'm going to do this and I'm going to do that. And I don't like conflict. I'm the one who tends to avoid it. And recently, I have been dealing with situations.

And it's like when I go and talk to somebody, I say, look, there's an issue here. And it happened this morning with something. It wasn't terrible or anything like that. But it was for me, I was trying, I guess, trying to be a peacemaker and I was trying to work something out between two people and. It got better, and I talked to one person, and then I talked to the other person, and I said, Hey, why don't you two talk to each other?

I don't know that they will. But I felt like I kind of did it in the right way, or I did it in a much better way than I usually would have. And I, I, I. How about you? Do you avoid?

You don't seem to avoid conflict as much as I do. I mean, if you're a pastor, you have to deal with conflict, right? I mean, Well You know, God's been training us all. You know And after 70 years, you've had some experience in things that you didn't have. And you realize that if you don't deal with things soon, you know, take them, you know, before they what's that, deal with your adversary quickly before it goes to court kind of thing.

And so things just get worse if you don't. tend to call pull it out and deal with it. And so, you know, when you run a dealership that had a hundred and ten employees, you realize how quick you could build a fire and and and people really get hurt and people's livelihood be hurt. I've learned if there's somebody you know that needs correction, Go for it because it's not going to, but then you do that in a loving way. Like, I want you to be all you can be.

And how can I serve you in order to, you know, it's a beautiful thing that we're sent to be servants. And when we see something like that, just like your situation you just described, I can see you love those people. I mean, that's obvious. What's your motivation? I love these guys.

I want them to get together. I want them to be closer to God. I want them to be closer to each other. And there you go. Yeah.

And love Covers a multitude of sins and boyfriends. I got them. I mean, I know that, you know, I get all caught up in all sorts of. The things that that that Unfortunately, you know, people are ministries messy stuff. Yeah, yeah.

And I think one of the things that I've seen with myself, Robbie. And I'm sure the people who are listening have probably seen it as well. is that it's It's messy. You know, people people see being a pastor. I'd love to be a pastor.

you know I don't think I've ever said that. I want to be a lead pastor of a church where I'm dealing with all this stuff. What I like to do is, I like to go to a church and preach. I want to speak for about 20, 30 minutes, and I'm out of there. You know, like I'm done.

Audio, see you later, because I don't have to deal with the. Day-to-day issues that a pastor has to deal with, and I think in some ways it's more of my gift. But it's also, in a sense, it's easier to go somewhere and preach a message. And then leave and not have to deal with all the other stuff that's going on in the church.

Somebody who had came to our church actually told me, he said, you know, Mike, he said, I see you in leadership in the church. I see you as an elder of the church. And I'm like, well, it's funny because I've never seen that. You know, maybe speak to that for a second because I think it's beautiful that you point that out. And You know Every single one of us is a shepherd.

And we're all you know, priests and kings. And what do priests do? I mean, everybody, you know, according to books, Revelation, you don't, you know, if you're in Christ. A priest and a king. And what a p priest you know, bring people closer to God and and kings protect people and help them get their livelihood.

And so we all have that role to some extent, whether it's as a father or an uncle or whatever your the school teacher. You got a bunch of salespeople working for you. It's the same kind of thing. But I will tell you that it's a fascinating thing that I would have never known unless I became a pastor. And I, you know, originally I took the job as an assistant, not thinking that all that would happen.

And then one day that pastor resigned. And I all of a sudden, man, I'll never forget as long as I live that I was in a deacon meeting. This pastor resigns, and I realized that, oh my goodness, like I did not see this coming whatsoever. And it really took me to my knees. The spirit that hit me of, it was almost, it reminded me of when my father passed, and I realized.

That I was now the patriarch of our family. You know, I have three siblings. Yeah. And Being the oldest male, it was obvious that that had come to me, and you begin to feel it. Yeah.

As you begin to walk in that, you realize. Yeah. God Is the one that's actually the pastor. Like he allows you.

Okay, yeah. You know, he prepared all these good works in advance for you, or he prepared these situations to grow you, and ultimately. You're the process, right? To some extent, he's concerned about what you're becoming. And so it's kind of cool, Mike, and I'm sure that's very true of you: that yes, you love to preach, and then you're going to get opportunities along the way.

And Y your natural gifting is that you love people. Yeah. And I've known you a long time. You love people. And so, you know what?

From my perspective, it is the number one qualification of a pastor. Yeah. Does he love people?

Well, and you also have to be able to deal with conflict, though. And that's one of the things that I've seen with you, Robbie. Is that you love people as well, but there are times, I mean, you look at what you're doing. I mean, you go over to, you know, you have these meetings, what are they called? The, the, Masculine journey meetings.

And you're dealing with the heart of the issues. And for me, one of my I guess go-to's has been kind of the superficial thing, and to kind of stay away from. Any of the deep connections with people, I think, as much. And even people say to me, Mike, you know so many people. You know, you have so many friends.

And I do. I have a lot of people that I hang out with friends and stuff like that. But. As far as dealing with my deeper emotions, I think that's been a tougher thing for me to have to deal with. But when you do the masculine journey, that's what you guys are doing.

Right, I mean right right right right and and There is You know, relationships that are this deep, and then there's relationships that are this deep. Right. And It in other words From our perspective in Mask on Journey, and I think you know this. When you're trying to have that kind of friend, Mm-hmm. you know, when you confess Your stuff to somebody, and you say, you know what, I'm struggling with that same thing, just like I just talked about, me struggling with being critical and being a gossip.

Well then Other people then feel safe to come to you. To say that they're doing that, but see, God comforts us that we may comfort others with the comfort we are comforted with. And so as you walk closer. You know, it's interesting in James chapter 5. Mm-hmm.

There's this passage that says, Confess your sins one to another, that you may be healed. Yes. Listen to that. Yes. Because here's the beauty of that.

1 John 1:9 says, If you confess your sins, he's faithful and just to forgive you of your sins, right? And cleanse you from all unrighteousness. But there's no healing. In 1 John 1.9, that's mentioned. But in James, where you confess it to somebody else, there's healing mentioned.

Here's why. Because if I can tell you my sins Yeah. then shame has not got the hold of me. And the more people I can tell my sins, whatever that may be, the less shame is a slave driver to me. That's right.

And so by Being the first to bleed. With your stin with a friend Give them Oh. He's not perfect either. Oh. I can trust him with my stuff because he trusted me with his stuff.

Yeah. You know, and so. It's a valuable, valuable thing because I've heard it said, and you know it's true, that we're as sick as our secrets. Yeah. Ooh, that's good.

That's good. That's good. And what is it that you would not be willing to tell anybody about in your own life? And whatever that is. You have shame there.

Right. And as Pastor Wright would tell you, shame off you. You got to how do you get out? You got to tell somebody. Yeah.

You got to be willing to do that. And that's a beautiful thing. And that is part of having that relationship with somebody where you can go to them and love and explain, man. You know, I've had some really neat Opportunities, especially with my own sexual problem, you know, that I had with pornography, et cetera, that, um, You know, in my family. Very close.

that I was able to just go to them. Because I knew they were struggling, although I wasn't going to go say, I know you're struggling. I just went to them and told them of my struggle. And once I told him that, because the shame had come off of me that a long time ago. And by me telling him my struggle, They're able to tell me their struggle because, hey, I can trust Robbie.

I can, you know, and you can begin to share the healing you received. Um because that's how it works. And once you share your struggles or once you share what you're going through with other people. One of the things that I've learned, Robbie, is that a lot of times we think that we're dealing with a sin. And that nobody else out there is dealing with it.

I mean, I've felt that way many times. Oh, yeah. And then once I start to talk about something. And I realized there's a lot of people. There's a lot of people who have dealt with a lot of things.

And once I realize, hey, I'm messed up, I don't have my stuff together. And you realize that a lot of people don't have their stuff together. And it's healing when you talk to people, but sometimes there is some crying that takes place. There is some weeping. But the Bible says that weeping may come for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.

That's it, that's a beautiful thing. And so, you know, as you think about it, What an opportunity we have, right? That we have Jesus that literally died for us. that we don't have to have that soon. Right?

We can get our innocence card back. We also Can in doing that, as we've been released and we're given freedom. we can go share that. And so if you're if you're listening right now and you're struggling, You know. Power.

You can easily get a hold of me. It's all at ChristianCarGuy.com, or you can easily get a hold of Mike. His contact information's Facebook, Facebook, Facebook every other day. To say that we'd be honored to help you. Because I I know.

That, man, there's no getting it through this alone. I got to have God, and I got to have my brother. Yeah, yeah. I do too, if not for God. Yeah.

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