This is the Truth Network. Welcome to Hope in the Morning. Turning tragedies and tears into testimonies of hope. Before we begin, I want to take a moment to gently frame today's conversation. This episode addresses a painful reality and we want to approach it with great care.
Today's episode addresses childhood sexual abuse. We will speak about this with sensitivity and without graphic detail, but we recognize that even naming this kind of suffering can feel heavy. If this topic is personal for you, please listen gently and give yourself permission to pause if needed. My guest is sharing part of her story that began when she was very young. A story marked by sexual abuse.
When evil touches innocence, it leaves questions that reach deep into the soul. Questions about safety, trust, justice, and even about God Himself. This conversation is not meant to shock or sensationalize it's meant to honor truth, to acknowledge real harm and to testify to the redemptive work of God. We will talk about how the impact of trauma, the long road of healing, the wrestling that often precedes forgiveness, and the hope that only Christ can give. Because while darkness is real, it does not have the final word.
In Jesus there is redemption that does not erase scars but does transform them. Michaela, thank you so much for joining us today. Thanks for having me. This is exciting. You know, I have followed you for a little while now, and you actually have a farm and a farming business, and you do all kinds of like fun, crunchy stuff.
I love it. And you have four kids. Do you homeschool your kids?
Okay.
So you're kind of like living that whole dreamy, like on-the-farm homestead life, which I love. You know, I think that there's just such a beauty and simplicity to that. Um but the testimony that you're going to share today Does not have simplicity to it. There's a lot of jagged edges to it and a lot of things that. You know, in reading your book, which we're going to talk about later as well, this is called What If I Told You?
there were a lot of things hidden that we, with God's grace, are going to bring to light today and talk about.
So can you just kind of dive into your story and share whatever you feel led to share? Yeah, for sure. The one thing that God put on my heart, I've been praying about this obviously for weeks since you reached out to me, but the one thing that I just woke up with like this overwhelming. um reality yesterday that I It's sad, but I know that my testimony is actually not as unique as you and I would like to think it is. The statistics, that's what it actually led me into looking up the statistics on childhood sexual assault and any form of sexual assault.
And it broke my heart even more because we both believe that God sees and we know that He sees. When you look up the statistics, which I couldn't find, you know, obviously they're not as accurate because, just like me, if I never opened my mouth, my story wasn't counted in the statistics. Yeah.
So it's over. Can I just look it up a second? Yeah, absolutely. Um Let me tell you.
Okay, so it's approximately one in ten children will experience some form of sexual assault by the age of 18, and that equates globally to close to one billion children. Wow. And that makes one in four girls and one in six boys by the age of eighteen. And like The only reason I think it really rocked my world is because my husband was telling me, and he normally is not this numbers person, but he told me of how many people. Checked into the Super Bowl in like it was so many millions.
It wasn't even in the billions. And I was like, Oh my goodness. That is heart-wrenching in how many more heartbreaking stories. Are there that are like mine that nobody has ever even uttered a word about? And it's heartbreaking to Really realize that.
And so I just wanted to start with that. I know that my story is not as unique as I would like to think it is, but I also know that. It's Not Oh, let me think of my words right here because it's just so sensitive and so tender. And I just want somebody out there, or anybody that's out there who's listening. to know that even if they have a story very similar to mine that there there is freedom for them and that christ can bring what was done in the darkness into the light and it's terrifying and it's going to scare them but once you step through that threshold you're delivered from so much fear and anxiety and shame and everything that just becomes that bondage from a really young age yeah and so i wanted to start with that yeah i i want to put one more little plug in here too is that those of you that are listening that have not experienced that this episode is just as important because partly because of those statistics because Without hesitation, I say that there are people within the church that you don't even know that have experienced that.
But if we can remove the stigma of having to keep things hidden, That's not who we want to be in Christ. And it doesn't mean we don't parade these things. Again, like I said at the intro, we're not trying to stir up a rise out of people or sensationalize what you've been through. That's not at all what we do here on Hope in the Morning. But we do want to have very honest conversations about the real sorrows that hit us.
And we want to help equip the church with how can we actually be in practical terms, the hands and feet of Christ, which means being aware, be vigilant of those around you, be vigilant of the children around you, and have a heart of compassion and a listening ear.
So I hope that those that are listening right now will really just take a moment to stop what you're doing and give attention to this episode because it's a really important one. Mm-hmm. Oh, I so agree. And I think too it's also important. I think the one thing that really Like, gets me going in a righteous anger mindset, you know, like because I know that God is also righteously angry when anyone hurts his children.
We all sin and fall short of the glory of God. We know that. And so I think that sometimes we take. Sexual assault and childhood sexual assault, and we put it in this like untouchable space in the church. God didn't design it that way.
He... He didn't design church to function that way with the secret doors and the hidden things that we're not going to talk about that because that's embarrassing, that's shameful, that might put a bad rap on your family name or You know, whatever the stigmas are, I've heard 'em all. I live in a small town and it's It's honestly, it caused me to clam up for a long time because of the things that people in my own church would be saying, and they're very hurtful. Um, but that's where finding your true identity in Christ really comes in because we live for an audience of one, and that is Christ. We're not living for those among our church, we're We're living to do everything to please him, you know?
Yeah.
And so. I just I get angry when people don't want to talk about it. And I obviously don't get angry in the sense of like, you need to talk about this subject, but when it is. Naturally brought up in the church itself says, No, no, let's avoid that topic. It does, it does kind of make me angry because as a child.
I didn't know that anything was wrong until I became an adult and I got married. And all of these things came to the surface, and I was like. I don't what is happening? Why can't I connect with my husband? Wha where there's a block here and that I didn't know because if you ask me, I had the world's best childhood, which is wild for me to say when I have all of these heartbreaking things woven into the tapestry of the story that God's written for my life.
And so. It's really difficult to I think talk about it for me because I don't look back with a mindset that my childhood was terrible. I I see God's handiwork so intimately on my life. even in the smallest details. Um in in the scariest moments.
Like he was there and even from a young age, you can never convince me that he was not with me. Like And you can't explain it very well. And it just comes down to. living in blind faith and knowing that The word that you read, and what's been imprinted on your heart, and the Jesus who met you in the valley is the same Jesus who's with you on the mountaintop. And it's really hard, though.
Yeah.
I think what one thing that you just said that I think is another important thing for our listeners to. To take away as they hear your testimony is that you said you lived a very idyllic childhood. And so children that have become victims of sexual assault don't always look like what we think they will. You know, they're not always what you see the images painted for you on cops or on SVU, or it's not that. It's sometimes.
The people that look to be the happiest and the most everything put together, and you just don't know. And so that's why it is important that we create an atmosphere. Where these things don't have to remain hidden, where there's grace to be met at every corner. Absolutely. And I feel like being a mom of four children, something that the Lord has intimately laid on my heart is that it.
Really starts in our homes. You know, like if we're not having those hard, honest conversations with our kids, we're not equipping them for that moment when somebody is trying to do something with them or play a game with them or, you know, lace it in a way that it's a counterfeit love. It's not the real thing. When we introduce our kids to Christ's love and it's Most intimate, finite form in his sacrificial love that we just. Relish, then they know what true love feels like.
So, when somebody comes at them with this tool that says, No, I'm just trying to love you, they can boldly say, No, you're not. I felt love and I know what love is, and that this is not it. This is not okay. Yeah, but you know, it's equipping our kids in I think generationally We've never really thought about it that way. Yeah.
Um, I think that's a hard thing for me. Because I love my parents and I love my family and When I started to share these intimate pieces of my testimony, I was so afraid to dishonor them. Because They never did anything to me. They didn't sin against me in the way that the one person in our life did. and it was all right under their nose, and they had no idea.
And but that's That's why it's so important to have those conversations with our kids because I was being groomed starting at five, and I didn't even know that. I didn't even know what grooming was. Yeah, I just. I was little. I was living my life.
And this is what we were going to play today. And it was that simple in my brain. And I. I didn't know any better. And so that was like my introduction to love.
And so then it skewed. All the rest of my life for a while. Yeah.
And here I am. Yeah.
You know, what you said as far as. Teaching your kids early what authentic love looks like and feels like so that they can identify the counterfeit. That's crucial. And it's actually that that parallels with what we teach our children about the gospel, because we don't need to teach our children all the nuances of the world in order for them to know how to defend the truth. We just need to teach them so fully and heartily the truth that they recognize the lies that come their way because it doesn't align with the truth.
And so when we come back from the break, we're going to talk about not only your testimony, but we're going to talk about what... how the Lord used something that was so dark and so painful to really transform the trajectory of your life all the way down to becoming an author now, which I'm guessing when you were five that maybe that wasn't on your bucket list, but the Lord has used what was done in. In hidden darkness, and he's brought it to light, and now he uses it for the edification of others and for the restoration of your own heart.
So, join us in a moment on Hope in the Morning. Yeah.
As a grief counselor with years of experience, I can testify that Hope in the Morning is one of the best resources out there. Out of all the grief books I've purchased and that others gave me, this is the book that has helped me the most. These stories don't showcase the individuals as heroes who battled and conquered the worst. The stories of hope in the morning provide a marvelous perspective, allowing the listener to focus on Christ rather than self. These stories remind me of who my Savior is and that there is truly hope in the morning.
To learn more, visit us at hopeinthemorning.org. John 13, 35 says, By this, everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another. Do you know how to best love and serve your hurting brother or sister in Christ? Listen to Hope in the Morning and be equipped to offer the hope of Jesus to every hurting heart. To learn more or to partner with our ministry, visit us at hopeinthemorning.org.
Do you have a heart to comfort the hurting? Do you want to show the world that through Jesus Christ we can have hope in all circumstances?
Well, then we welcome you to visit hopeinthemorning.org and see how you can join us in these ministry endeavors. May you be encouraged by who our God is as you continue this episode of Hope in the Morning. To learn more, visit us at hopeinthemorning.org. Welcome back to Hope in the Morning. I am joined today with Michaela, and we are shedding some light on a very difficult topic today.
We're talking about childhood sexual abuse and She was sharing with us that the statistics are staggering, actually, that one in 10 children will experience some form of sexual abuse by the time they're 18. And that. should drive home to us that Likely, you've known somebody, or perhaps you're the person listening that has been. Um preyed upon. In this regard.
And so today we want to hopefully help remove some of the shame from that by bringing the gospel into this and bringing what grace and redemption looks like in One of the hardest things that I think somebody can have to live with.
So, Michaela, would you share your testimony with us? Yes, I will officially share now. Um, so where do you want me to start? I guess. Give me like a I guess maybe maybe like around the time you were five when you were saying that you were starting to be groomed and didn't realize it.
Okay, yes.
So around five, um, so I guess we can start a little bit before. My parents had gotten a divorce. And so when I was five, my dad remarried, and I always say my angel mom because My birth mom, we don't have any communication now today. And so the Lord knew what he was doing because I love my mom so much, and I am just.
So blessed that I got her instead of who I grew inside of, if that makes any sense. And so around the time that they got married. I was then introduced to Um Somebody who in our life then that started to groom me and it it was subtle at first and so, um, I wasn't really sure that it was wrong because I was so little. And I just thought, well, this is the game we're playing today. This is, you know, strange or whatever it was.
But I would just go along with it. And then I. Slowly began to be like, I don't like this feeling. I don't want to be here, but I had no power. I was little, I was five, and so I was being physically overpowered, emotionally overpowered, and then I just.
Mm. Became, in a sense, a defeated child who was smiley and bobbly on the outside, but on the inside, I was just like. This is not right.
So, and in the midst of all of that, we would go back and forth, and I still had a relationship with our birth mom. Because it was court-ordered and all of those things. And so. It I would I would like the weekends when I would be gone because I knew that nothing bad was going to happen to me in regards to, you know, in the darkness. But then I also then was subject to a narcissistic mom who was very verbally abusive and.
Um just very selfish in the way that she chose to live her life. She does not love the Lord and that is something I pray for every day, um for her to come to know Jesus because that is the ultimate goal. And maybe she'll listen to this and she will.
So, anyways, that was kind of the start. It became a grooming that just continued for. a couple years. Um and then I believe it was like the weekend. It's all hazy.
So, this is where it's hard for me to recount my testimony. Like In order. Because when you have trauma, you also have blocks. And you, you know, I think God does that as a means of protection. Because if I truly could remember every single minute detail, I think it probably would cripple me if, you know, I was not leaning on his strength to look at it.
And so. It is pockety, but I do know for a fact that right before my seventh birthday um was the first time it turned violent. Up until then, it was very just grooming behavior. Um Nothing nothing scary, and that's why I think it was confusing for me as a child because I was never harmed. Um I was, but I wasn't, you know, there were no marks.
There were no there was no evidence. Um, and so right before my seventh birthday, I had turned violent. And I remember the next day we had to wake up early and go to my birth moms. And I actually have a picture which I shared on my social media with Um a story that a lot of people Really resonated with. It was like my most viral reel, which I was like, oh, this is crazy.
But it's me on my seventh birthday, and when I blew out my candles, I remember that. I don't know if this was the same for you as a kid, but whenever I would wish on a birthday, it was always a prayer. It was never actually a wish. Like, I was just like, Lord, I know that you control this candle and this wish.
So, like, I'm not making a wish into the air. Like, I'm praying to you, and I know you hear me. Yeah.
Um, And I remember that I prayed that he would take him away, that he would remove him from our life. Um from my life and Um By the next time that I had went home to my dad's, he was in jail. And for my little faith, that was so monumental. Like. Unbelievably monumental because I know not everybody has that in their story, but God gave me that in mine, and I am.
So unbelievably thankful because I only ever had to experience the violence once. I didn't have to experience it multiple times. And It makes my heart ache for those who had To and are enduring the violence more than once. It's Not Sorry. Yeah.
Um Yeah, it's That's what I when I say that I can see God's hand woven intimately. That's what I mean. I prayed a prayer, I cried, and he heard my cries. We know that he hears our cries. He tells us that in Psalms like, cry out to me and you know, from your pit, cry to me and I did and he heard me and like That was just immediate for me in my heart.
So then he was out of our life, he was in and out. as I aged. And Then we became Or, I became very promiscuous as a result because I learned that if I moved my body the right way, That's what? People liked, and that's how I could get what I wanted. And so I definitely became someone who was sinning against a lot of people.
And. Especially the Lord, in the way that I chose to use my body. Um, the things that I chose to put into my body, and just not making good decisions at all. Um So by the time I was graduating I, for a while, life kind of like leveled out, and I had somewhat of like a normal friend group and. Was pretty popular and had a lot of good things going on.
I was in a lot of sports and I was busy. Um, and then something shifted, and this I've actually been wrestling with this lately because I can't quite. figure out what it was that shifted. But I ended up quitting all of my sports. I, um stopped hanging out with all of my my friends.
And I just isolated myself. And Um Proverbs 18:1 is super humbling because we're told that those who isolate themselves actually only love themselves and then they're It's nothing about other people. Like, you're not isolating isolating yourself to stay. stay protected, you're actually isolating yourself to not be around other people. I feel like I need to read that actual verse because it's super powerful.
And that was very go ahead. Yeah.
While you find that verse, I just want to clarify that you're. Your attacker. I don't know what else to call him, really. He was in jail for a different purpose, though, right? For a different conviction.
Yes, he did. He went to jail for drugs.
Okay.
Because nobody knew what had been done to him. No. No, nope, that is not why he went to jail. Yes, he went to jail for totally unrelated things. And so that's why it was so.
so big for me because Yep. Like It was just so wild. Like, nobody even expected that he was going to go to jail. Yeah.
Um, so, um, But Proverbs 18:1 says, A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire. He rages against all wise judgment. Yeah, which is super humbling when you Struggle with that as a result of walking through that trauma because. It becomes a means of protection, or that's what you tell yourself. Like, I'm just gonna step away because, and that's what I did tell myself in high school.
I thought that I was a bad influence for my friends, so I didn't want to be around them because I didn't want to infect them or whatever it would be. Yeah.
And these are just the lies that I just picked up and believed and was like, nobody should spend time with me. I am I have no value to bring. I all of these terrible lies that I just latched onto. Um and so I still had a boyfriend at that time and um I He was probably the only person I talked to. In regards to like the friend group, like that was the only social part of my life.
And even. Even then, I slowly faded out of that and just kind of. stopped really doing anything. Um and so then Life kind of shifted, and I graduated. My sister actually needed somebody to nanny for her.
And I was like, Well, I mean, I'm freshly graduated, and I have nothing else to do, so sure, I'll do this. And so, um I was nannying for her, for my niece and nephew and her husband and That's actually where Christ met me. Truly. That's where I truly accepted Christ and I I obviously knew him my whole life. I was raised in the church.
I knew the gospel, but I never. I never reached out and grabbed his hand and was like, I want to do life with you. I want to. be with you and where you go I go I never had that moment. Until I was at my sister's house, and I had watched my brother-in-law.
He would wake up very early and he'd be reading his Bible, and I would be like, What is wrong with him? Like... it's like five in the morning and He has to go to work and he chooses to wake up an hour earlier to sit in his Bible? Like. Who does that?
And now I do that and I get it. It's like, oh, hunger does that to you. Yeah.
And so, but that actually created a spark in me of like, What is he reading? Like, why is he giving up his time and his sleep and everything to be in this word? Like, I kind of want to be in there. And so. I had a Bible given to me for graduation, my first Bible ever.
And so I finally opened it after weeks of watching my brother-in-law sit in his word. And I'm like, what is he doing? This is wild. And. That's where Christ met me was on the spare bedroom floor at my sister and brother-in-law's house, and it just I was describing it to my husband the other day as I sat and I read, um I was reading about the um being tossed to and fro.
And it was so, like, that's where I was in my life. The book of James, right? Yes, I'm sitting in James, and I'm like, oh my goodness, because. My great-grandma Jo, she just poured into me my whole life. I loved her tenderly.
She, um, her at her funeral. I loved it. The Preacher who was officiating her funeral, he said in the front of her Bible, she had like you could fill out like your favorite Bible verses, or your, and she put the book of James as her favorite Bible verse. And so I, like, that's where I immediately went because I was like, I love Grandma Jo. She loves the book of James.
So, this is where I'm going to go. And that's where Christ met me. And it was so beautiful because as I read, I literally felt like. The words were coming off the page and were just like flying around me, and I could see for the first time ever and was like. Oh my goodness, I'm so wretched.
Like all of the things, you know, that we experience. And um So in that moment I Just was broken before the Lord and was like, Lord, I need you to restore me. I. I need your strength to walk in this world. And I was like, I'm no more men, no more alcohol, no more drugs.
Like, Lord, I want, I'm sold out for you. Like, I'm shaking hands with you, and I'm going where you go, and wherever you lead me, I'm going to follow.
So, after you got saved, you were going through the book of James, and the Lord opened your eyes and saved you. And you said, Lord, I need you to restore me and redeem all that's been broken.
So so what happened going forth there?
Well, it was very interesting.
So then I, like I said, I was like, okay, Lord, no more men, no more alcohol, no more drugs, like only you. If you're not there, I'm not going. And so that week, my sister had joined a Bible study with her husband. And she was like, hey, do you want to come? You're here.
You might as well. And I was like, sure, I guess I'll go. Um and I walked into this room and I met my husband and it was that instant like I knew instantly that he was my husband. I can't I can't describe it at all. And I just remember the wrestle in my heart as I was sitting there because I was like.
Lord, you really have a sense of humor because Like... I just told you no more men. And I told you, like, I'm not gonna live for this world. I'm gonna live for you. And then you walk me into this Bible study, and here sits this godly man who's like, Just not even, he wouldn't even look at me.
Like, that's how respectful of a man my husband was and is. He just was like. Mm, nope, not gonna look at that one. Like it was just It was so beautiful in the way that we met because I met him at my in-laws' house, and I met all of my in-laws at a Bible study and had no idea.
So I got to meet them all as friends first, and you know, as this guest who just came to a Bible study at their house. And then I laughed in his famous words, which I had to write in my book because it's just so special. those details in my book I put so so intimately close to reality because I Want to read them when I'm old and remember, you know, all that God has done. But I left, and he walked towards his mom, and he was like, What's her last name? And that's all I said.
And she knew, like, she knew it was me that he was talking about. And she was like, oh my goodness.
Okay.
And then she was like, Well, she doesn't have Facebook, so you're not going to find her like that. Yeah, yeah. Because I even got rid of all my social medias, everything. I was like, Lord, I'm sold out for you, whatever you do, wherever you want me. Yeah.
And so then we started talking, and it became like such a bizarre. relationship because we would like throw scripture at each other all the time and like It almost became this like I was so determined that he didn't want anything to do with me because, from what I knew of him, which was very little, like, he loved the Lord and he was an upright man. And I'm like, yeah, and then me gonna willingly yoke myself to this man, and then I'm gonna defile this man. Like, these are the lies that I'm still believing, and they're still in there. Yeah.
And so I really had to, like. work through that. And I still do to this day. I still have to win that war in my mind every day because when you have the foundation of the grooming and the lies and all of that, it skews how you view the world. It Because you're not viewing it in truth.
You've been Viewing it in lies and had no idea. Yeah, I wanted to ask you, you know, I just, unfortunately, I was only able to start your book last night, but I was telling you before we came on that it was like, just one more chapter. I'm going to go to sleep.
Okay, one more chapter. I'm going to go to sleep because you just, you did such a good job writing it. And it's a difficult story to read, no doubt, but it's an important one. And I did have two questions for you because, um, I think that these could be important points for us to discuss. One is that you mentioned in your book, and I will preface this by saying that you said that your book is 80% testimony, 20% fiction.
But you had talked in here about how, and you mentioned this a little bit already in our conversation, but how you were a little bit fearful as a little girl that if you brought this abuse to light, that you would fraction your family. And that this mother that you had come to love now, as you call her, your angel mother, that Your family would be broken apart, you wouldn't have her anymore. That you would be sent to live with your narcissistic mother who you really didn't have much of a bond with. You loved your daddy and you didn't want to be separated from him. And so it was almost like the fear of.
Fallout became a catalyst for your hiding this secret. Would you say in the time that you have spent getting to know other survivors of sexual abuse, would you say that that's a fairly common thread in people keeping things hidden? Yeah, and it's really heartbreaking. Um, because it is a subject that we as parents and as family members, we don't know what to do with it. Nobody nobody has taught us what to do with this subject.
So I guess you and I get to be like the Pioneers in this subject today because nobody. Nobody wants to hear that something this detrimental has been happening under their nose. Because You're immediately met with blame, even though that child is not looking at you saying, I think that you're the one who caused all of this to ensue. That's not what a child is trying to do when they're coming to you with this really hard truth. Yeah.
But I think that the fear of ruining and fracturing those relationships really is a very common thread among a lot of women. And men that I have had pour their stories out to me, and it's heartbreaking because I think that is where God. God has really laid on my heart that the conversation actually starts at home and then it goes to church. And We have to be intentional to disciple our children in a way that they can have those hard conversations with us. And they, you know, we live in a world that.
They're more than likely going to be exposed to pornography by the time they're 11. Like the statistics on that are insane as well. You know, like I was nine, and that's just another thread that was just woven into my testimony. And all of these things that you have to be set free of. But I never had the confidence to go to my mom and say, This is what happened.
I don't know what to think about it. I don't know what it means. I don't know. And so You just take all the blame on yourself, and you think, well, this is just mine to carry around now. Yeah.
Not sure. What I do with it, so I'm just gonna live with it and smile anyways. I circled some words actually as I was reading last night because I just thought that this was so. Prevalent to think about what a little heart is carrying, or even not a little heart, because this happens to adults too. But today we are focusing on the childhood aspect of it.
And so, some of the words that I had circled that you used in your story were shame, hide, pain, hurt. And it just struck me that these are These are the things that your little five, six, seven-year-old heart We're carrying. And again, to reiterate, even what you were just kind of saying is that you had wonderful parents that you were living with.
So you weren't afraid to tell them because of a lack of relationship there or a lack of bond. In fact, it was almost the opposite. It was this fear that somehow there was gonna be less of a bond there because you feared it would break your family apart. Um And And with that as well, the other question that I had for you as I was reading is that you talk later about your desire for control. And you had even stated recently on the first portion of our interview that that became you almost used sexuality as a way to manipulate and control because you craved that control, partly because you were so out of control in those circumstances.
But what I wanted to know is what did for someone that so tightly clung to that feeling of control. What did surrender to the Lord look like for you?
Well, I'm going to be super transparent with you and let you know that it's again a daily battle for me. Which is like Oh, it's so humbling to say that out loud, but I actually just finished another session with a biblical counselor because I am gearing up for my next novel. And I'm like, I am so afraid. And I know what God wants me to write about now, but walking into that room, I wasn't sure. We started studying idols, and she started having me do all of these idol worksheets, which are just very humbling, and I highly recommend it.
Um, for anybody. Um, and control was still a very big idol of mine. And I recently just got my first horse, which is super fun. Um, but he's teaching me so much and I was with him with my youngest daughter who's six um about two weeks ago And the Lord finally like Just really gave me a very clear picture of what control does to my heart.
So, when you're around a horse, there is like this electromagnetic field that they put off, and like God designed them in a way that they can sense our heartbeat, and they're like the only animal that can have empathy with humans. Like, it's very cool when you start to like. Get into the details of this, and so I'm like. I'm loving this journey of having a large animal again because I grew up with large animals. Like I laid on cows my whole childhood.
And like, I was like, oh my goodness, I was probably so happy because I was surrounded by a giant electromagnetic field all the time regulating my emotions and I didn't even know it. And so I was, I had brought my youngest daughter with me because this is something. That I don't like to do because I'm still learning, and so I get that like very anxious, fearful thought of like. I don't really know how to protect you because I'm still learning what to do with this animal. I'm still learning.
You know, even how to tie my lead rope, like, I'm a baby in this, and so are you. And so, I had brought her with me, and I was like, so unbelievably anxious as I'm standing here. And, you know, my horse's name's Bae, and he's just eating his grain. Like, he's really old, and he's the perfect starter horse for me, but he just eats grain twice a day. And so, she was with me, and she was literally just sitting on the ground, like not being crazy or anything.
And I was like, I could feel my heart almost pounding out of my chest because I so desperately wanted to control what she was going to do. I wanted to control what Bae was going to do so he didn't hurt her or hurt me or whatever it was going to be. And then she got bored and she was like, Is this all we're doing? And I was like, Yes, this is what he does. And she was like, Okay, I'm going to go see Nana inside.
And so she left. And as she left, I immediately felt my heart to calm down. And I should go back and say, Bae was very restless too, because they are able to like feed off your. Energy because you're the leader, and like, so when you think spiritually with horses and with people, like. They're your mirror, is what people say.
And so they mirror what you're feeling, what you're doing.
So, in that moment, he was my mirror, and he was mirroring all of my anxiety and my desire for control, but I wasn't moving in it. And as my daughter walked away, I felt my heart calming and bay settled, and I was like, Wow, that was really weird, Lord.
So, then I just started to pray because I was like, I feel like there's something here that I'm missing, and I very clearly felt in. I just know that the Lord was like being so tender with me. And all I heard was, I've given you authority, but I have not given you control. And that just. It really hit home for me because I was like, oh, there is such a difference in God-given authority in Christ and control.
Like, He has control, we have authority in Him. Yeah, yeah. And so that's definitely still a battle to this day for me.
Well, and I think many of us actually that have children struggle with that. I like I can resonate with your feelings of kind of feeling anxious when they're around because you don't want them to get hurt and you're trying to kind of control every little thing. And I have four children, you have four children, and It is hard to realize that, like, you can't control everything. I have, I have very similar struggles. And something that I hope that the listeners take away from this, I love that you said that you are actively speaking with a biblical counselor because I think that that's important.
And honestly, I know that many of our listeners here, you know, have turned to things like therapy. There is a difference between therapy, especially secular therapy, and biblical counseling. And we're going to talk about that on future episodes, but You know here on this episode I just want to talk about how one of the most important things is the fact that things like therapy or secular counseling will tell you that the problem is outside of yourself and the solution lies within. And biblical counseling tells you the problem lies within, whether it is your control or your fear or your anxiety. And the solution lies outside of yourself.
And that is Christ, the only solution. And Michaela, you've walked through. really, really dark, hard, hard things to navigate. And yet, the Lord has been your comfort, he's been your refuge, he's been your solace, he's been the one that has transformed your, as we say here on Hope in the Morning, transformed your tragedies and your tears into a testimony. And that's not something that you can just summon up within yourself because.
Left on our own, we're desperately wicked, right? The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked. Who can know it? And Michaela, you're not alone in that. I'm sure that everyone that is listening, they're like, oh, me too.
You know, I really struggle with wanting that control. And I can say as the host here too, me too, you know, and we all have idols of the heart. I think that that's a great study to do. And I was just talking with a friend about that this week. No, you know, as scripture says, like, no temptation has seized you except that which is common to man.
And, but we can take hold of Christ and he's the one that did overcome every temptation. He lived the same life, the same humanity that we have, and yet he was without sin. And so he's our only example. We can't look to one another as a flawless example in these, in these. you know, in these circumstances, um But I did want to ask you, I want to touch a little bit first on going back to your situation.
I'd like to kind of find out from you, like, how was that darkness brought into light? And then I'd like to kind of ask a little bit about what forgiveness looked like and not just forgiveness, but I think it's so important for people who are listening who have suffered sexual abuse to know that there is a delineation between forgiveness and boundaries. It's still okay and wise, actually, to have boundaries. And not just for yourself, but for your children.
So let's dive first into talking about just at what point and under what circumstances was that darkness brought to light?
So Um when I was married I, once Dane and I got married, I guess we got sidetracked. We were married within three months of meeting each other. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was very quick. That's why I say, like, Lord, you have a sense of humor because, like.
What is happening? Like, it was chaos.
So, yeah, we were married within three months of meeting each other. I think it was five. We actually were debating about this. We were like getting to that point in our marriage where we were like. How what was it?
And so I actually think it was five months, but. Anyways. Um, we had been married for... I wasn't pregnant yet with our first, so we'd probably been married for like probably four months at this time. Um we got married in March and then we immediately went into what we call the busy season.
So I'm married into the green industry and for those who don't know what that is is our My in-laws own a local farm market that grows a bunch of annual flowers and perennial flowers for our small community. And so it's really fun for me to like walk into this whole new world and like Very exciting. Um, and so we were very busy, obviously, all the time, because we plant everything, we start everything from seed, and then it goes into little tiny plants that then have to be put in, and it's very tedious work. Yeah.
Um, and so We finally kind of got to the point where like we were slowing down and Like flowers were selling, and life was not as chaotic for a bit. And I remember. Up until this point, I knew that my mother-in-law was a biblical counselor, but I never really tapped into her as a resource. And so. I had had a reoccurring dream.
For three nights, and it was like almost to the T, exactly the same, but it didn't make any sense. And, but I remember it was very jarring to me because of who was in it, which was my abuser, and who I hadn't even thought about since. 'cause he went to prison by the time that I was Mm. I wanna say I was in like middle school when he ended up going to prison for a very long time. Like he was still in prison when I got married.
Wow. Um, and so, um, And again, for unrelated, unrelated things. But anyway, so I had this dream, and I remember I just finally looked at my husband and was like, I think I need to go talk to your mom because I. I don't know what this means and I don't really wanna tell you and I don't know why I don't wanna tell you, but I just think I should probably go talk to her. And I did.
And I remember she was like downstairs. And so I was sitting on the stairway to the basement, and I. was just like broken, but I didn't understand why and So she started to just, you know, as biblical counselors do, she started to just ask the right questions and wait as I processed. And. I finally started to like tell her little bits and pieces of the dream, and she was like, Okay, so then tell me more about this.
Um Once I finally like was like, well, it kinda reminds me of this one time When I was little, which was the time when it turned violent that I had never really thought about before, um, I kinda just shoved it down, you know, like we're just gonna hide that in my own heart in the secret corner over there where it's really hard and it'll stay there. You know, we'll keep it in the stone part. Um And so, yeah, so I remember like telling her these details, and she just gently looked at me and she was like, Michaela, that's that's not normal. You know that, right? Like, that's.
That's not a normal Relationship that should have happened to you at that age, and I just broke because I was like, nobody had ever said that to me like that before. That it wasn't normal and when I did walk through Was not designed how God created love and you know, acceptance, and so. That's how it came to light.
So then I had to come home, and I looked at her and I said, Can you please come with me? Because I don't know how to use my words to bring this to Dane, who's my very newly husband who's like I don't know what to do with all of this. Yeah.
What do I do with you? And so she did. And so then we went to work and we're still working. Yeah.
So eventually did your did your family find out? Mm. When I wrote my book.
Okay, okay. How did your family respond? Um To be honest, we haven't truly talked about it in bit lengthy detail.
Okay.
Um, because again, it's just kind of that, like, how do we talk about it? Like, I I don't blame you in You don't blame me. Like there's that silent Underlying of like I don't know how to describe it other than like. I know that if they're uncomfortable that they still love me. for being bold and speaking the truth.
Um and that's why I think I I try so hard to to guard and protect them, not out of fear or Out of, you know. any anything that a lot of people will throw at me of like, well, say his name and all these terrible things that people say on the internet. And for me, that's not the point. Like the point is Christ and that Christ is able to set free and we all have a testimony in We can glorify him with our testimony. You know, we can choose not to love our lives to death, like we're told in Revelation.
We can choose to be a light in a crooked and perverse generation, and I feel like now it's more important than ever for us to do that, and so. We haven't really had those conversations, but It's just because there isn't really a lot for any of us to say.
Okay.
If that makes any sense. Yeah.
You know, I I in light of you talking about a crooked and perverse generation, I want to also say out there that along with the statistics that you were mentioning earlier, I think that Our children, the generation of our children, is uniquely vulnerable actually to this because of how. Sexually perverse, our nation is, and the fact that now they are teaching. I'm gonna be very blunt in this in this episode, but like they're teaching things they're teaching things like homosexuality and transgenderism and and what do they call the thor thorpal? Whatever.
Well, there are three people. It's it's I don't know what's Po Polly Polly Polly. Polyamorous, that's what it is, when they have more than two people that are in a relationship. These are the things they're teaching our generation or our the next generation. And but they're teaching these things as normal.
And it's not. These are gross deviations from what the Lord declares is good and right within a man and a woman within marriage. And so our children are learning about things far younger than they should, which means that. it's on their mind. You know, things that that should not be Weighing on their heart or in their minds are.
And I mean, there are children's books out there now on these topics promoting and glorifying these things that are geared toward three, four, five-year-olds. And I'll even just say, as a personal testimony that happened to me, we're in North Carolina, which is, I feel like, a fairly conservative, comparatively, I'm from Los Angeles.
So comparatively, we're conservative. Yeah.
And, you know, You know, there was a bookstore, and it was a big bookstore. And during the Pride Month, they had all these terrible books in the children's section on display for the children. And I went to the manager and talked to them and said, hey, this is sexualizing our children.
Okay.
By no means were they sympathetic to the children or to the mother at all. It was very much, well, this is what other parents want.
So if you don't want those books, don't buy those books. And it was like, Oh, okay.
Well, my children are browsing your bookstore, and this is what they're seeing.
So it's just, it's a generation. That feels like like To me, and I say this to my husband often, I feel like children are hated in this generation, all the way from, you know, whether it's from abortion to sexualizing our children to promoting this propaganda that to have children is inconvenient. And why would I want that? It's just going to hold me back from my dreams. It's not, it's not a child.
Safe. Nation. It's not. And so more than ever, I think it's important that we have these conversations. And I do want to get around to what forgiveness looked like for you, but before we get there, Just to continue what we're talking about now, what are some boundaries that you have felt are important that?
Our listeners can also take away for your own children having been a survivor of sexual abuse. Oh yeah. That's a huge one for me because I obviously have walked a different road as a child. And so I see their childhood differently than most moms might because I am constantly on the lookout for danger. Um, and so I think equipping them, to be honest, has been like the biggest The biggest tool that I have used thus far.
You know, my kids are just starting to get into. Outside Bible studies, and like where I'm sending them alone into activities, into spaces. And so, with that comes a lot, a lot of conversation. And a lot of times they're like, Mom, we've already talked about this. And I'm like, I know, bud, but we still need to make sure that this is on the forefront of our mind because I need you to know that if something ever does arise, that you are able.
To come to me, or your dad, or you know, all of these trusted people in our life. And Um, and if it's not something you want to bring to me, like these are the people that you can go to, you run to them and you tell them what's happened. If and I just really equip them of even if it makes you feel funny, you know, you have to speak a different language when you're talking to your kids because you can't say, like, I'm not going to look at my children and tell them, like, well, if they do this specific thing, you know, because then their minds are like, why would somebody be doing that specific thing to me? I don't want to plant those images in my children's head. And so it's kind of tricky and has been tricky for me as far as like boundaries and things like that.
But not tricky in the sense that I can't figure it out, but tricky in the sense that I want to make sure that whatever I'm doing. As I'm raising these children with my husband, that I'm making every decision that is pleasing to the Lord and not to the world, which is difficult mothering in this generation. Like, it's hard. Yeah.
Um, but yeah, we definitely we don't We don't do sleepovers unless they're absolutely necessary. That's just something that we've drawn a line on. In like, I mean, absolutely necessary, as in, like, I was birthing another child, or, you know, like, we have a medical emergency. And then we have a trusted, close, you know, few family members and friends who we are like, okay, we know that you're safe. We know.
You know, we just have those hard conversations also with the other adults in our life, which can be uncomfortable. But I feel like if we're going to protect our kids and raise them. you know Hopefully, to be not exposed to so many terrible things. Like, we have to step up and have the hard conversations as the adult in the room. Our kids aren't going to have it.
Right.
So, yeah, those are a few boundaries. Is you know, no sleepovers. I really struggle sending them alone, but I know that like the goal of parenting is to. Send them out as arrows, and that's really hard for me because I'm like, No, Lord, I just want to keep them in the quiver. They're safe in the quiver.
Like, I know where they are. Yeah.
And he's like, No, no, they actually need to be sent out. And so it's interesting because I'm like at that pivotal point in my parenting of like, okay, now we have to like, our boots have to hit the ground and we have to apply everything that we have really looked at for the last 10 years. You know, our oldest is 10. And we have to start stepping out in that obedience of, like, okay, you want to go do this thing? All right.
And so I. I just volunteer a lot where they're at. That's something that's really big on my heart lately.
Well, if you're going to do that, I'll just be there in the corner. And it's not. Uh you know, I'm trying to navigate the helicopter mom mindset. Um, because I also have a helicopter husband, so like they're like constantly like, ugh. And so we definitely are growing in that.
But yeah, boundaries are For everybody, they're going to be different too. You know, like sleepovers might be okay for somebody. I personally am like. I've heard too many testimonies of people who that's Where terrible things happened to him? Was that a sleepover?
We're the same. I mean, our kids often are like, Why can't we do sleepovers? And you don't understand, but it's for your protection.
Well, what do you mean?
Well, I'm not going to tell you every little thing that could happen to you, but just know that it's for your protection. And you know, if you want to have hangout times with your friends over here and have it go till 10 p.m., that's fine, but we're not doing sleepovers. And I think we, you and I, I think, grew up in a generation where a lot of people things happened at sleepovers, and it was a very commonplace thing for us to have sleepovers with our friends. Yeah, but. But I think we're more informed now than we were before.
And actually, I wanted to ask you another practical question, just mother to mother even. Do you feel like it's important for kids to know anatomically correct terms for themselves? Yeah.
I um well, I'd start about Eight.
Okay.
I would say. Because I do and I don't. Because I... Struggle, and you have to remember: like, my foundation is very skewed when it comes to sexuality.
So, even for me to Address these things, it's difficult for me. I'll give you an example.
So, like, my firstborn is a daughter, and if she has something on her or some issue, like in an intimate area, and she brings it to me. The first time that ever happened, I was like... Why are you telling me that? And then I had to like process, like, oh, I'm your mom. That's okay.
Like, it's okay for you to show me that and tell me that. And, like, I'm who else are you gonna go to? I hope you come to me. Yeah.
Um, and so. I feel like about eight to ten, like my older two, we are walking through Anatomically correct terms. Yeah.
But with the younger ones, I just struggle, and maybe you might have some wisdom and discernment here, but I struggle. Opening doors. That shouldn't be open too young. You know, we're warned about that. And I feel like my life is a living testimony of that verse of being, you know.
being um I feel it, is it in Song of Solomon where you're open to love too young and or introduced to love too young? Yeah.
Yes, yes. And so I feel like that. That's always on the forefront of my mind when I'm talking to my kids about hard topics because I I just want to watch my words very carefully with them because Because I know how powerful they are, because I was groomed for two years as a little girl with words and then actions, and you know, it starts with your words. And they started a lot of questions for me. And so I think that's why it's a.
it's a hard one for me because I'm like Oh. I don't know. I don't know the right way. I don't know. Yeah, you know, I mean, the reason why I ask that is because I feel like I've heard so many people say that that can be a safeguard against people because they understand clearly that this is okay, this is not okay, that sort of thing.
But, um, Yeah, I think, you know, I mean, for like for my husband and I, we had chosen to We didn't teach them really around eight is when we started teaching them some things because We wanted to be mindful of our children being young enough to where they're not uncomfortable to ask us questions. You know, once you get to like 11, 12, 13, they kind of start where they don't really want to go to mom and dad. And we wanted them to come to us for things and not go to their friends, not go seeking something else to get answers for their questions. But, you know, like we, we had like a book series that we, I can't remember the name of it now. I'll try and link it in this episode, but we had a book series that was intended for younger kids and it's Christ-centered.
to try to teach them about these things. And we chose we chose to go about three years older than what the books suggested, just because that's where we were comfortable. But um and I think what you're saying is is very true, that everyone's gonna kind of have their own Their own level of discernment and comfort, and what is right for their children and their family. But you You know, going going back as As far as boundaries go and forgiveness, what did forgiveness look like for that person that harmed you? And how did you continue to Set boundaries for yourself.
while still being able to forgive in a Christ-like manner. I also, again, feel like my story is so unique in this area because of the way that God presented the opportunity for forgiveness for me. Um, it wasn't even on my radar, to be very, very frank. Like That was not even something that I was ready to walk through yet.
So I was. Six months pregnant, I believe. With our firstborn, and um, I was working at the farm market, and we um I ran the till, the register, so like anybody who came in the doors is who I seen. And he came in. And he was covered in tattoos, mind you.
Mm. a few days before he walked into the market. Um And I remember my mother in law was like leading him towards me and her eyes were like What I'm not sure what I need to do here. Like, this is our place of business. We have to be respectful, but I want to protect you.
I'm not, I don't know how to navigate this. And I didn't either. And I remember just. Like Yeah. putting on that mask that I had as a little girl again of like I'm gonna numb it up and I'm just gonna...
I'm just going to talk to you until it's over and then you can leave. Um and he hugged me and I remember When I was pregnant with my first, I barely looked pregnant. I like I could suck it in and nobody would know. And I remember like instinctively sucking in my stomach so that he didn't know that I was pregnant because I just was like. I just, I don't know, it was like an instinctual protection of the child growing in my stomach.
I don't uh know how else to describe it. Like, I just remember like being wildly uncomfortable sucking in my stomach. as I'm like talking to him and like trying to be like, how's your life? Like You've been in a cell for years. Like, how are you?
I don't know what to talk to you about. Um and so but when we were talking, it was It was wildly apparent to me how dark his life was. And like I just felt like as I sat and talked to him, I could see the demons in his eyes, and I could see that he himself was in bondage and he was suffering himself. I never expected to have compassion on him. And in that moment, I did because I.
Also, looked like that at one point in my life before I fell on that bedroom floor and was like, Lord, I. I'm with you all the way. And so my heart actually broke for him in a way that I never expected when I humbled myself to just truly look in his face and was like. You are breaking like You are breaking. And I think it's important to say, too, I obviously don't know factually.
As we sit today, he has passed away.
Okay.
And so I've never, like, that was my last interaction with him. And a few months later, not a few months later, he. A few weeks later, he ended up going back into prison. Um, and got out during COVID, and which would be a terrible time to get back out, I would think. And um, he ended up overdosing when he was out.
And so, that again was another like wave of compassion for me because I just I I could see the torment, if that makes any sense in And I think it's important to know that, like, like, again, I don't know this factually, but. A lot of abusers don't just wake up one day and say, I want to abuse a child or I want to abuse this person. It's usually a chain reaction. And from what I know of the start of his childhood, it was very rocky. And so that's where a lot of my compassion comes in because, you know, it's It's not It's not like he just decided one day he wanted to overpower me.
Yeah.
You know, he was taught that language, and then he taught me that language. And. I think It's It's different when you when you view it. that way eternally instead of worldly in that It's actually a war for our souls. And You know, he was losing the battle.
And I pray that in his final hour he cried out and he won. And I truly mean that because. nobody wants to stay in bondage like that. Yeah.
You know, and like it just it's that's it's so unique, that aspect of my testimony that God would give me that opportunity. You know, like And so unexpectedly, like I had not sought him out, I had no plans to seek him out. I was just going to live my life and heal however God was calling me to heal. And that became a very Very intimate part of forgiveness, and then that encouraged me to continue to look at forgiveness. And, you know, forgiveness and reconciliation are totally different.
And, you know, like I didn't understand that. And then by the time that I did understand that, he had already passed. And so. that's been really hard for me to like, man, I just wish that we could go for coffee, which I know is so wild, but I I really do. I'm strong enough now as an adult to set a boundary and to be like, no, there's a permanent boundary line here.
You're not going to cross it unless God sends you across that boundary line. You know, like, yeah. I don't know. So, yeah, that's Transformative evidences of the fruit of Christ working in your heart because that goes against what our nature is, right? We don't have natures to forgive.
Our nature is vindictive. And yet, Christ has told us in his word that vengeance belongs to him. And that can be very hard. And that does not negate the legal system. I will say that because that's important.
When you violate not only God's law, but the law of the land, that is why God has set up governments.
So it is good and right for people that are perpetrators to be in prison. That is good. And you hope that the Lord will get hold of their hearts there and truly transform them. Nobody is beyond redemption. And that's such an important thing for us to remember here: but for the grace of God, we're some of us.
You know, we were all formerly dead in our sins and trespasses. And we are all, if we stumble in one area of the law, we're guilty of it all. That's what James tells us. And Mm-hmm. you know, I think I think that As we sum up today's episode, Michaela, for someone that's listening right now that's carrying a similar story, what maybe one that's even still hidden that they haven't told anybody, what is something that you would tell them?
What kind of gentle hope would you want to place in their hands? Mm-hmm. I think that like the biggest encouragement that I try to give others who have a similar story to mine is to to get in your word and to truly study who God is because If you aren't able to truly understand your identity that's found in Christ. You're going to fall in love with the counterfeit version of love, and you're not going to experience the real love that Christ offers. if you're not going to pick up your word and bask in it.
You know, I did that for a decade before I even thought maybe I'll write out my story. Maybe I'll start a podcast. All the things. Yeah, yeah. You know?
And I think that's probably i I I mean, it feels like Not I don't know what kind of advice it feels like, but like to me that's That's the only way that God was able to transform me was through his word that is active and alive. And we know this, you know, and. Yes, it's good to listen to people's testimonies. That was something that really actually encouraged me to find good testimonial videos like this and podcasts. Just because that does in itself give you hope to be like, oh my goodness, she's smiling and she walked through a very similar valley to me.
And You know, I think that that's probably important too, but I would say definitely really. Really sit in who you are in Christ. And that's something that I have to struggle and/or not struggle, but that's something that I have to fight to do every day in my own mind. Like, I have to hit the ground every morning and remind myself who I am in Christ, because otherwise, like. My mind is a battlefield, and if I'm not putting Christ at the forefront of it, I...
I'm losing the battle. Yeah.
Yeah.
And I mean, hope in the morning, the reason why we share these testimonies is because we want to encourage people that are hurting. We want them to see that there is hope. And not just believers, because we want to encourage believers, but we also want to evangelize the lost to know that not only is there hope for you if you have been sexually abused, there's hope for you if you're the one sitting in prison right now and you have. Committed atrocities before the Lord and against somebody else, there is forgiveness and hope for you too, because the Lord is a God of compassion and redemption. And as we close, I wanted to speak to those that are listening who do carry a story like this: that if you have experienced sexual abuse, whether it's been spoken or remains hidden, what happened to you is not your fault.
The Lord sees what was done in darkness, he does not approve of it, and he's not distant from you. He is near to the brokenhearted and he binds up their wounds, as we've seen with Michaela today, that he does bind up your wounds. And healing takes time and forgiveness does not minimize the harm or remove wise boundaries, but it means that you're entrusting justice to a righteous God while allowing him to slowly restore what was wounded. You're not weak for grieving. Jesus can meet you there in that honesty and truth.
And darkness doesn't get that final word. What was meant for evil does not have the ultimate authority over a life that's hidden in Christ. He restores, he redeems, and he brings to light where shame once lived and creates for you a whole new identity, as Michaela was saying, an identity that is hidden with Christ and found in Christ. And so if today, if something stirred something inside of you, we don't want you to carry that alone. We hope that you will reach out to a trusted pastor or a counselor, as you did a biblical counselor or a mature believer.
You know, healing often begins by bringing what's hidden into light. If you're looking for someone that is a biblical counselor in your area, you can reach out to us too on our website at hopinthemorning.org, and we will help you find biblical counselors in your area or find a strong church that you can go to in your area with strong biblical theology to help walk you through this. And so, Michaela, as a final word, where can people buy your book, which is called What If I Told You? Um, it is on Amazon only right now and they can get it like for Kindle or Okay. The book itself.
And where can they find your account where you show all of your pretty farming and all of that? Where can they find that? Hydrangea Hills Farm is what we call our little slice of this earth. I love it. It's a very beautiful account.
So I think that people would find it very encouraging.
So, Michaela, thank you for your willingness to be vulnerable today, but also with that vulnerability, filled with hope and trust in the Lord and who He's creating you to be. Thank you for having me today. It was a joy. Thank you so much, and we'll see you next week on Hope in the Mom. Hope in the Morning is a non-profit ministry that seeks to encourage the hurting, equip those who walk beside them, and evangelize the lost with the hope of Jesus Christ.
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