This is the Truth Network. Today's episode is part one of a three-part series. To hear how the Lord faithfully guided this family through multiple trials, listen to the next two weeks as well, culminating in the testimonial of Noelle and how she views life as a micro-preemie, now 14 years old. Join us on Hope in the Morning. Welcome to Hope in the Morning.
turning tragedies and tears into testimonies of hope. When tragedy strikes, there is no pause button to allow you to absorb the grief. Life keeps moving forward, dragging you along whether you are prepared or not. Circumstances were suddenly forcing me to make decisions, while my heart and mind screamed No. I just kept praying in my heart, Please, God, help me.
Romans eight twenty six says Likewise, the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses, for we do not know what we should pray for as we ought but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us, with groanings which cannot be uttered. Joining me today to share their story is Jill Aguiar and Chris McDowell. Thank you for joining me today. Can you kind of walk me through a little bit about your journey starting when you guys were stationed in Germany? Um We went over in 1994, the year leading up to that.
Mark was finishing. his residency. and the military asked you to do a wish list. And we had several areas in the country And usually you're hoping to be stationed where you want to stay after you get done. And he was just going to had four years left.
And so overseas was not on our wish list. 'Cause the thought of dragging five kids around a foreign country and all the things that go along with it, we just weren't certain.
So But then through a long set of circumstances. the Lord put us there and there's no other explanation for it.
So we came into country and it was a little bit of adjustment. But we quickly came to love it there. It was probably our best family time.
Okay, how old were all your kids at the time? You said you had five kids. How many how old were all of your kids when you went there? Oh, you have to stop and do the math. That was twelve.
And our youngest was three.
Okay, so you had five between twelve and three. Yeah, okay. And you said that um your husband, Mark, he was over there to do his residency? He was finishing up his he had finished his residency.
Now he was going to be a um staff physician at the hospital there in Heidelberg.
Okay. And so how long had you guys been in Germany at at the time of your story when you wrote this? Three years. You'd been there for three years. And can you kind of walk us through a little bit?
Just, you know, getting into the heart of your story. What, what, um, What kind of launched you into what I would suppose is one of the biggest trials you've ever been through in your life. Probably The biggest launch was my husband's love for the Word and for God. because that's the way he led our family. Um Every decision that was made, everything that He did.
It's because he was passionate about God. Um, that's what led him into the medical field. but even outside of that he was always looking for ways to reach people who needed help. Um I mean, it was common knowledge that even within the hospital, he knew the cleaning staff by name. Um People were not A means to an end.
They were individuals that were somebody. And I would have to say everything that happened in our family life, also reflected that. Um He was always having people over. I mean, he would bring somebody through the door at the last minute and that was before cellphones really took off.
So If you got a chance to call me quick from the hospital, but he might. It was more than one occasion he'd bring a s student, medical student from the German system there that would be rotating with them. He'd just show up at home saying, I brought so and so and we just need a quick lunch or whatever. He was just always looking.
So it sounds like his medical practice was sort of his mission field as well.
Okay. It was. And he was very athletic, right? And so he did he play basketball and stuff with different people that he came in contact with through his practice. Yes.
He did like to stay in shape. He loved a lot of sports. He did a lot of sports. Um But For just to let off stress. He did basketball, and whenever he did, he didn't just go alone.
He would call. handful of people and say hey let's go play basketball. One of the Things that he was known for, and it was used in one of the eulogies at his funeral. You know, somebody would get a phone call and it's and it'd be Mark on the other end and he'd say, Man or mouse. In other words, challenging him to a game.
And that particular day that led up to Um everything that happened Um he actually had been on call the night before, but We Had some acquaintances that had just come into country. and we're getting adjusted. and they had contacted us since we knew them in Colorado. And so Mark had gotten off call and said, you know, let's I'm gonna go play basketball with him.
Okay. And what happened during that basketball game? Can you walk us through that a little bit? Um It was a little bit hectic that day because that was the time of year, even in the military, you had to register your vehicles. And so we were coming up on the our yearly mark.
So We needed to get the vehicles inspected. And then you would go sit in this very, very long line. um to pay for your tag fees and get your new tags for the year. And um I knew he wanted to play ball. And so we worked it out to where We each drove a vehicle in.
He helped get the inspections done and then I took the paperwork and sat at the office.
So and then he had called Are friends and got the husband to come along with. And so he was with Mark when all this happened. And He later wrote me a story uh A letter telling the story of what went down from that end. You know, how he was with us and what he saw from his viewpoint. And then what happened While they were playing basketball, and he said, Mark was as usual, you know, going great guns.
And then all of a sudden it he said it was just like he froze. He just froze and then fell over. Hmm.
So in your story, what you wrote in Hope in the Morning, You share about a knock on the door that you got. What was that? What was that knock on the door like for you?
Well, the kids got the knock on the door. I was, um Actually, unbeknownst to me, Um, he'd used the gem that was on In Germany the military facilities were spread out. on what they called Caucerns around town. and usually the one gym that he used was not right where I was sitting at the office to get the tags. but that day they happened to use that gem.
And for whatever reason, if I had known that, I probably would have swung by the gym. right after I got the tags. But I went on to get the mail. Which is at another location 'cause we you always had to go pick up your mail. It wasn't delivered.
And then I had to go to another area where a lot of our shopping and groceries were. To pick up a couple of girls that were going to come home with us and change to go to church that night.
Okay. So, Jill, were you the one that answered the door as the oldest sibling out of the five?
So, what was that like? What was the knock on the door? Um It was There was an MP and a chaplain standing at the door. It wasn't unusual to see somebody in uniform. people were always in uniform everywhere we were.
so that wasn't disconcerting. But, um, I was fifteen at the time, so I knew something was up and they were looking for my mom. And I they would not tell. me why or anything. They couldn't give me any information.
But So we just I just had to let them know like where she was and where we expected her to be, but we didn't have a way of contacting her directly. And so, um Keep it We really didn't know what to think at the time. It took some time for things to really play out for us to realize that something. Really bad was happening, and it wasn't as if we had really expected something with one of our parents. They were looking for my mom, so it wasn't as if something was wrong with her.
We had just seen my dad. I had just said goodbye to him. Not m within the previous hour or two. Yeah.
So by the time you guys, you know, came back together, did you realize there was something wrong with Mark and you needed to go to the hospital? Had you been told that? Had you been contacted at that point?
Well, I did not see the kids for quite a while after that. They when they left our place from talking to the kids, they went directly to where they knew I was picking up the two girls. And Jill had had enough forethought to um call in d where the girls were working and said when mom gets there that There's a chaplain and an MP on the way and they want her to stay put. And so when I got there to get the girls, they came out and said. Hmm?
The MP and chaplain are coming to talk to you. and they need you to wait here. What what thoughts were going through your mind when you hear the chaplain is coming to talk to you? At that point in time, the way you know the military works, you knew something bad had happened, but it never crossed my mind that it was Mark. Um, his mom had not been in good health?
So I was just certain that somehow somebody gotten a hold of somebody. and Mark needed to be told that his mom was not doing well and needed to get back right away, and they just wanted me there. you know, for support. Yeah.
I honestly did not think That there was an issue with him. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like your husband, your dad, was in ideal shape. Very healthy guy, very active guy, and probably the last thing on your mind would be that there was something medically urgent with him. Right.
So you make that trip over to the hospital after being told that it's something with Mark, and at this point, you're not with your kids, right? You still haven't seen your kids.
So, what did that look like when they delivered the news to you about what they thought had gone on with Mark? What was that conversation like? Even at that point, And you hear all kinds of stories.
Some of it might have been denial, but um we talk about the shape that Mark was in. I mean, during medical school, just To earn a little bit of extra money he had worn a Holter monitor for his study. that was being done. And we had to laugh because they came back and needed him to repeat it because his heart rate was resting heart rate was so low that they thought there was something wrong with their monitor And they asked him to repeat it. And so when he got done and turned the second one back in, they just said, You are just in really good shape.
And so it just, it never. crossed my mind. And in Germany They had called the military hospital, that's where the ambulance came from, but we were not what they called a tertiary care center where they had. All aspects, and they definitely didn't have like cardiology. And what we didn't know at the time was because he had collapsed, he was not responsive, they had done CPR.
So The German Medical training. institution and all their facilities are there in Heidelberg.
So when it was anything major like that, they would immediately ship you over to that system. And there again, the logistics are a little bit different because cardiology might be in one place. you know, neurology might be somewhere else, OB might be somewhere else, so it's all over, so In them thinking first that it's something to do with the heart, they rush into the cardiac unit.
So we were kind of following that and we got to that and went racing in, and even then, by then they had told me that. and that's where we were going. and I just kept thinking, I thought back to that holter monitor and everything and thought there's things in His family, but at the same time, when he would play sports, he would go all out. It was August, it was hot. And I just thought There again.
maybe denial, that he'd just overdone it. And so then we came racing in The MP and the chaplain spoke with the medical facility, and there was also one of our doctors with us. And they were told that He had been shipped on over. to the neurological and what they called the Germans called the Kolfklinik, which means had. And I looked at Mary Ann, who was a physician, and I said, why would they have done that?
And she said, well, when they got him here, his heart was fine. but they said their his pupils are blown. And they're concerned about brain. And when we come back, we're going to find out what his diagnosis was and what hope. Jill and Chris had in his diagnosis after they found out.
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So before we went on break, you were talking about how They told you that he was in the neurology unit, right? And you're saying, why would he be there? What was the answer to that?
Well on the way, the doctor that was with us, and she was a family friend, explained that they obviously were concerned probably about something about the brain. Um it wasn't a far drive. We got there and This is when it started to sink in how critical it was because we walked into the hospital. and walking towards me was a a soldier, but they went to our church. And I looked at him and I said, What are you doing here?
And he said, Well I'm the Colonel's driver. meaning the colonel was Um The one in charge of the hospital. He was basically Mark's boss. He was everybody's boss there. And I said the Colonel knows and he said This the whole hospital's been informed.
And that's when it started to hit. And then I got back He escorted me back to where They had Mark, and it was in an ICU type area. and alongside of him was also his second in command, and who was a family friend because he had been our family physician before he moved up into that position. And the first things that the per general s or the colonel said to me was, I want to let you know that I've called Washington, DC. There is a medical board convening right now.
and he said we are medically retiring Mark right now. Hmm.
And I kinda gasped and I was like, why would we be doing this? He said, this is to protect you and the kid. And the kids. and he said we can always bring him out of retirement. but he said I I can't put him into retirement if you know things do not turn out well.
So he said this is just a pr protection At this point in time, that's when it started to sink in, something bad was really happening. And then our His second in command, Who was our family friend said, Chris, they are concerned that Margaret had a brain aneurysm. And he said, do not think the worst yet. He said, I've had a sister that's had it. She's totally fine.
He said it can go a couple different ways and he sat down with me and explained everything. He said they're preparing Mark and they're going to take him for an angiogram, a brain angiogram. and he said at that point in time well no. And there was a some time that passed, of course, while they're doing all this, in the meantime more people are showing up. um family friends from our church And one of them happens to be a German national.
He was there, he's a lawyer.
So he was with us, um And at that point in time I didn't get to see Mark because they were trying to rush to Get this done. And so Some time passed and then a doctor came walking in. and I was talking with our friend who's the lawyer. and he walked up and Thomas spoke to him first, introduced himself, and the doctor introduced himself to me, and there They are taught English, so he spoke a little bit of English. But then when he was trying to go into what he was going to need to explain, Um He was talking with Thomas.
And then he looked at me and he just said, shook his head and said, I'm so very sorry. And Thomas turned and explained to me that it was a brain aneurysm and that it was massive. and the one thing that had been questionable was the doctor come out much sooner than what they told us. was going to. happen.
They told us it would take about an hour. He was out within 20 minutes. And the doctor had told Thomas that it was so massive they couldn't even get any dye up into the brain. to see if there was any cavities. that were still open and being oxygenated.
So at that point in time We just We knew. Yeah.
So here you are in Germany with five kids, and you're there because of Mark's career. And What's the next step for you getting back to the States with five kids and walking them through grief while you're grieving yourself.
Well The one thing that stood out in my mind was We had taught the kids. God is sovereign. He's in control of everything. and it just kept going through my mind, If I can't live this out, They're never gonna believe it. And Years ago I had heard a speaker.
And she and her family had gone through a horrible tragedy. And she said made three statements, and they're absolutes. And I put him in the chapter there. God loves me. He never makes a mistake, and he always does what's best.
And those are absolutes that never change. Whether I feel like it or not, I can't go on my feelings.
So I clung to that. As far as getting back, I feel in many ways I was Very blessed. And I can see where God did things for me that I know other people have not Had those benefits. Being in the military, That community just sweeps in and takes care of its own. At every turn, there were people there taking care of everything.
At that point in time they even have what they call a casualty assistance officer. that is assigned to you. And that he escorted us everywhere. You're not allowed to go anywhere alone. Basically, they take well care of you.
every meetings to iron out any difficulties. and um they turned out to be the gentleman who was the second in command, who was our family friend. And The colonel looked at me across Mark's bed and said I'm going to be assigning some one. has to be equal or higher rank to mark, He said, Do you have some one in mind? and the first person I would would have thought of, I knew they had company coming in town.
And I thought, I can't do that. and Gordy was standing there, and I said, Gordy, could you do it? And he said, Well, I was hoping you were going to ask, which meant a lot because It told me he was wanting to do it.
So he was with us for the next, like, three weeks. you know beforehand and then um escorted us back to the States and then stayed Well, I got things si s sorted out. I mean, even to going to military installations, to the VA, everything of getting everything settled. Yeah.
Now, Jill, for you, I mean, at fifteen years old, did you What was that experience like for you to find out that your dad had passed away and here you are the oldest of the kids? What was that like for you? Um Is the worst thing? You wake up the next morning. And you've Literally feel as if there's an elephant sitting on your chest.
Feel like you can't move. Doesn't matter how bright the sun is, it just feels like you're in this dark Foggy tunnel. Your the whole world just feels wrong. It was really ironic uh that week, you know, being in Europe, you s There's a little different lens there too. a couple days later is when Princess Diana died.
Mother Teresa died. later that weekend. And the one like All of a sudden it felt like, at least in Europe, it felt like the entire world was mourning. Not necessarily my dad's death, but it felt like that. It felt like everywhere we went, everybody was sad.
Was that a comfort to you at all to almost feel like you were amongst mourning people? Was that a comfort? To an extent, I think you're, on the other hand, you're in such a fog. It was so shocking. Yeah.
So unexpected. We had literally just passed the three-year mark that week and had just signed on for that last year. We were excited about that last year. We as we were traveling to the hospital, like us kids were still talking about Um we had a trip coming up. with a few of us families that were going to Italy and Switzerland and Austria that fall and we were talking about all the things we were gonna do.
Like we were very trusting of the medical system and having grown up in that and lived in and out of the hospital our whole life, you know, just going up there and seeing our dad and who would always fix things. Um We never once suspected that there would be something so wrong with him that he would never come home to us. Um and as the oldest, He had driven, instilled responsibility in me from the time I was young. I remember being four or five years old. and him telling me by that point I had a younger sister and a younger brother.
And I remember him telling me Uh Any time I look at you, you are to know where they are. Anytime. I was never to be we were never to be out of his sight, but he was we were always busy, especially at church. People were always pulling his attention. And he made it very clear to me that I was the oldest.
They were looking up to me. I was to be an example. And I was to always look out for them and take care of them and be responsible for them. And uh Other people made sure that they said that to me too, even in the hospital that night, because I had to leave the room. I could only stay in there so long.
after saying goodbye and Gently but firmly, people were like, Hey, you've got to pick up the slack now, he's gone. And, um Yeah, it was And it was a big transition. Yeah.
With the short amount of time that we have left, can you each tell me one thing that? People should not say to those in a similar circumstance. We said Within two weeks afterwards, we said we could write a book on what you did not think. The Lord knew, right? But for me personally, there.
Honestly, like I love scripture, and scripture is one of the things that we really just clung to, whether it was listening or reading or the spoken. Or but or through music a lot. But having, I have never had Romans 8, 28 and 29 quoted at me, written to me, like said so many times. And felt it just felt like if somebody was slapping a band-aid on something that could never be solved with a band-aid. And so don't quote in 2028.
Having a timely word, right? Having a timely word. What would you say is that?
Well, and don't think that we aren't clinging to those verses. Yeah, for sure. But in. In their season. You know what I mean?
Like, it feels when someone's coming to you saying, I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. You're feeling like, these are the plans. Like, you know, it's like their go-tos are always Romans 8:28 and Jeremiah 29, 11. And it's like, Those they sting a little in those seasons. And it's not that we don't believe they're true, but they sting a little.
In our last couple seconds, do you have something to add that you would say is maybe avoid this? I know how you feel. The best card I got, and I tell everybody this to this day, is the girl I grew up with in high school. sent this quiet little card, and her first words were I cannot even begin to tell you. would I know what you're going through.
And I have no words to say, but please know. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Even if we think they've gone through are going through something similar. We still don't know how someone else feels. Yeah, yeah.
Well, I can't tell you guys how much I appreciate you joining. And not only that, but you know how the Lord uses. are trials to walk. To help us empathize with other people, and you both have done that for my mom and I in our grief, and um. What a blessing you both are.
Thank you so much for sharing your testimony for the sanctification of other people. Thank you so much. Thank you. Hope in the Morning is a non-profit ministry that seeks to encourage the hurting. Equip those who walk beside them, and evangelize the lost with the hope of Jesus Christ.
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