This is the Truth Network. Welcome to Hope in the Morning. turning tragedies and tears into testimonies of hope. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs three, five, and six. The death of a child at any age even into adulthood is a grief that our human hearts cannot understand. But when we choose to acknowledge the Lord in our sorrow, He will prove Himself faithful. Lisa, thank you for joining me today on Hope in the Morning.
Well, thank you for having me. I'd love to start out today with you telling us about Taylor, what made her special and kind of what some of her passions were and her interest in just who Taylor was.
Well, my Taylor, oh my goodness, she was so spunky. Full of wit, always had a smile on her face. I can still picture her walking in. We would have family dinners. And she would walk in and just kind of you know, flicker hair, like, you know, the party's here kind of personality.
Um She Was always looking out for the underdog. I can remember, like, when she was in high school, she would come home and tell stories about someone that was getting picked on, and it would just break her heart. She always had that Kind of that empathetic kind of personality that actually was probably to her own emotional detriment because she would carry that, you know, any kind of hurt from a kid all the way up into her last days here. Just, carrying the load for others. And um Gosh, um She loved kids.
I can remember as a As a kid herself at church, she'd always want to help out with the children's ministry and the kids that were younger than her. And, you know, she was a preschool teacher, and the love she had for her kids. was Just almost overwhelming. I don't know how she did it. I don't know if I won a classroom of three and four-year-olds, but she sure had a gift for it.
So, yeah, she was. Beautiful. Inside now, too, is beautiful. Yeah. You wrote your story for our website, hopinthemorning.org, and people can actually go and read your full story there as well.
But you mentioned in there that you and your husband at the time had gotten divorced and she was about three years old, and you said that that. kind of set, um The groundwork for Not only who she would become in some great ways, you know, when you when you read your story and you see just what really what a beautiful relationship you and your ex-husband and your husband and his wife that they all have, like it really is a beautiful testament of what God can do, even in brokenness. But you said that that also brought forth some struggles that Taylor had. Can you talk to us about that a little bit? Absolutely.
Like I said, I mean, Jeff and I, her dad, Jeff, and I, Had a really good relationship throughout, but When you're living apart, and you know, he's living his life with his wife, Michelle, and you know, Jim and I are living our lives together. It was, I found it being, it would be very easy when there were I don't know, behavioral issues happening, or she wasn't doing what she should be doing. I would try to take the load, handle things myself. Um And in the moment, you know, you feel like you're doing the right thing, trying to keep the drama and the chaos aside. I think there was always a fear of, okay, well, this is the way I want to handle it.
You know, maybe they would want to do something different because, you know, you're not living together anymore. You're not. Even if you're on the same team, you're not on the same team anymore, if that makes sense.
So it was just. I look back now and I feel like it was kind of the cowardly way of me handling it, but it kind of kept my hands on it and helped me to stay in control. And in a moment, thinking that that was the right thing to do for Taylor, but. in hindsight seeing that it caused her anxiety because I know she saw me. Juggling all the balls in the air, you know, and she would wind up kind of getting the short end of it.
And And then I found allowing her to get away with things. Um Because it was easier just to not have to deal with it. It was easier to not have to make the phone call to her dad that this is going on or that's going on. Um It just kind of allowed me to I don't know if allowing me, maybe allowing her to get away with things that I really wish in hindsight I would have stepped in and been a stronger advocate for her instead of kind of taking the easy way out in the moments. Yeah.
If that makes sense. Yeah, I totally understand that. I think, too, as you know, my parents were divorced when I was four years old. And so I totally could relate to so many parts of your story and of Taylor's story here, but. I think there's also an aspect with that where You know that your child has been through something that's difficult when they've gone through divorce.
And so it is more challenging to, I guess, to have, not that you didn't have a firm hand, but I know even with my own mom, like it's challenging because that child or the children that you have, they become kind of your everything. And you also want to protect them from any more struggle in life per se.
So with that, you had mentioned that That caused Taylor to have some anxiety. And as she grew older, how did she deal with that anxiety as she grew older?
Well, um We've really kind of started seeing it in high school. probably freshman sophomore year um She would have anxiety attacks at school. Thankfully, she had a couple of teachers that. We were helpful in that regard, but I never dealt with anxiety. And of course, my family was intact.
I did lose my mom at a young age, but I never, it wasn't to divorce.
So I didn't quite understand where you can kind of relate to Taylor. In that regard, I couldn't.
So I never really dealt with anxiety.
So I didn't really know what it looked like. And But she acted out, um, was a little disrespectful to teachers. Um And again, back to what I just said of not handling things very well. I think back to what my mom or dad would have done. It wouldn't have been as easy on me, that's for sure.
So, um So it kind of came out in behavioral issues more than anything. And just. Again, being disrespectful to teachers, being disrespectful to us, probably being around friends that weren't the healthiest for her, which, you know, got her. Making choices for herself that weren't the healthiest choices, even in her physical health, as far as. you know, not really taking good care of herself and, you know, putting you know Picking up weight and not exercising and being physically active, just all these little changes physically and emotionally and mentally.
But it was a very slow progression.
So it was hard to see from one day to the next until you look at it, you know, in hindsight when you really start to see it.
So, because you're saying it was a slow progression from one day to the next. Did that make it a harder thing to parent? Is that kind of what you're saying, too? Is like it's harder because it's not just all of a sudden, like, wow, where did that come from? It was like this.
Slow progression of behavior. Absolutely. Yeah, because in middle school, I mean, she was, you know, she was always a good student. She made friends very easily. She was always very outgoing.
Always blew my mind. I can remember when she was in elementary school. She loved horses. That was one thing that she just, oh my gosh. We moved to the country after we became empty nesters.
And I used to joke that Taylor would never make it to our house because we live in horse country.
Okay. And she would never make it here. She'd have to stop and look at all the horses. But as an elementary school, we would send her to horse camp in the summer for just a week. It was just this little thing nearby.
And I remember the first time I dropped her off, she didn't know anybody. She was probably. Seven, maybe. And I remember pulling away thinking, well, that little stinker, I could not have done that. I could not have just walked into this group of kids and not know anybody.
And but that was one way she was as a child. But then, as a teenager, she became a little bit more reserved, a little bit, she wouldn't have just walked into a room with a bunch of people. You know, she that's when the anxiety kind of hindered her from being that way. And so, yes, I mean, it was such a slow progression that it You can't even say it took you by surprise. It isn't until later when you look back, and then you start seeing the little breadcrumbs of, oh, okay, well, this piece goes to that piece, and it just lines on down, but you can't see it when you're that close to it.
Yeah. You know, and I want to make a little statement here for the parents that may be listening. I have four children myself, and The reality is that we are all going to have moments where we look back and we say, oh man, I wish I would have seen that writing on the wall. I wish that I could have gone back and done this differently. As believers I think that we need to do the best that we can in the moment to parent our children in a godly manner with what we know to do in that time.
And then we need to rest. in the Lord's sovereignty because that's a hard thing as parents and To know, especially as your story is going to unfold here in a moment. Especially when you look back and you say, man, I wonder if, I wonder if I had done something different, if this wouldn't be our story. And That's not where the Lord wants us to linger. The Lord wants us to have confidence in knowing that.
He has planned all things. He can see the outcome. We can't see that. You know, as you said, all you can see is day-to-day, and sometimes it's hard to see. What's coming next?
Because it's such a slow progression before our own eyes. Um Going back to Taylor having some anxiety. You had mentioned in your story that as she got older, that even the anxiety was affecting her sleep. Is that correct? Among other things, yeah, she had a difficult time.
Going to sleep, yes. Yes. And so as Kind of almost a product of regeneration, which I would say is very, unfortunately, very common way that people deal with anxiety and stress nowadays is. turning to marijuana. They think that that is something that can calm their bodies.
It's become I mean, it's become like smoking cigarettes now. You know, I mean, it's everyone's doing it. It's not, it's not an unusual thing. And although we know, and especially the older generations know the harm that that can cause, it's a very kind of almost popular thing now.
So, when we come back from our break, we're going to talk a little bit about that, about how. You know, Taylor was Involved in that, thinking that it was no big deal and that it was just something that could help calm her anxiety. Um And so when we come back from the break, we're going to open up a little bit about that.
So join us in just a moment on Hope in the Morning. As a grief counselor with years of experience, I can testify that Hope in the Morning is one of the best resources out there. Out of all the grief books I've purchased and that others gave me, this is the book that has helped me the most. These stories don't showcase the individuals as heroes who battled and conquered the worst. The stories of Hope in the Morning provide a marvelous perspective, allowing the listener to focus on Christ rather than self.
These stories remind me of who my Savior is and that there is truly hope in the morning. To learn more, visit us at hopinthemorning.org. Have you ever struggled to comfort a grieving friend? John 11, 35 says, Jesus wept. When Jesus was told by Mary and Martha that their brother Lazarus had died, Jesus wept.
Today on Hope in the Morning, we invite you to learn what it looks like to weep with those who weep. Learn what it means to sit in the ashes and be encouraged that even in our morning, there's hope. His name is Jesus. Visit hopeinthemorning.org to learn more. Hope in the Mourning allows you to lean into the suffering of others and helps equip you to purposefully mourn with and meaningfully minister to those suffering in your midst.
May these testimonies cause you to see our God with fresh and thankful eyes. and may you seek to be His hands and feet to every wearying heart. Visit hopeinthemorning.org to learn how you can partner with us in ministry. Welcome back to Hope in the Morning. I'm joined today with Lisa, and she is sharing the story of her beautiful daughter, Taylor, and how Taylor had such a vibrant life.
She loved people and loved them well, and she had struggles like we all do. And one of those struggles that she had was anxiety. And Lisa, before we go much farther into Taylor's story, I do want to talk about the fact that your sweet Taylor did make a profession of faith, right? Can you tell us when that happened? She was probably around six or seven.
We were the I was Let's see, I was raised in church. But didn't really understand a personal salvation until Taylor was young, two, three years old after my divorce. Um, we were going to a church and I was learning right alongside her. And she was probably about seven. And I remember talking to her and asking her if she understood what it meant to ask Jesus into her heart.
And she was like, Yeah, mom, I've already done that, you know.
So it was like, I remember having that feeling of, oh man, I wanted to be a part of that. You know, I, you know, saw this like beautiful picture of having this wonderful conversation and praying with her, but just like. Taylor would do. She took care of it herself, you know?
So, so yeah, she made that profession when she was in elementary school. And I've often said, although she was living at 24, very much with the foot planted firmly in the world, as a lot of us at 24 are, speaking for myself as well. She Never was shameful to say how much she loved Jesus. And she would tell anybody that would listen, especially her friends that either weren't saved or didn't know, was maybe young in their belief, just how much Jesus loved them.
So that brings me so much comfort because there is, I could look at her life and go, Oh my gosh, was she saved? But then I can just trust in hearing her say so many times. Mama, I love Jesus. I love Jesus. You know, so yes, absolutely.
I'm already anticipating the day that I hug that girl again. Yeah, and you you talk about how much she had a love for others and what you were just saying. That's an outpouring of it, is that she saw the value of Christ and that she wanted those that she loved to know the Lord and to have him as the center of their life. And then going going back to what we talked about before is that we, even, even as people that know and love the Lord, we all have struggles. And unfortunately, anxiety seems to be a big.
struggle of our generation. And that's something, you know, even in our church, we just started talking about there's a book called Respectable Sins. And, you know, the Bible very clearly lays out anxiety as a sin issue in our heart, but in our society, it's become this respectable sin because we all are so anxious all the time. And. For Taylor, especially as a young woman, you know, she had turned to.
Marijuana as a source to calm her anxiety, which is kind of what people that are young are being told, that this is the way to calm it.
So, can you walk us through a little bit of kind of that season of of when when she didn't show up. for work that one day and what that what that looked like.
Okay. Well, you know, prior to that day, her and I had many, many conversations about her anxiety. I had come to understand it more. I had a little bit more of I don't know if sympathetic is the right word to To say, but I was understanding more. I was listening to her more, you know?
And we would talk about the whole marijuana thing. And, you know, and I agree, you know, it's even, you know, I'm going to be 54.
So think of me as a teenager in the 80s. And it, you know, it was. You know, it wasn't taboo. It was just, it's just what you did, you know. And it was just plot.
It was always just plot. And I remember Taylor saying that to me many times, Mama. It's just pot. It's all I'm doing. I don't do anything else.
I'm not stupid. She would tell me that pretty often. And she goes, I just, it helps me sleep, mom. It helps me sleep. And shortly before she passed as well, she was so excited because she had found a therapist.
And she did this all on her own. And I was so proud of her because, again, anxiety would keep her from. Making those kind of decisions and putting that foot out there to make the phone call and to work it all out. And she was so proud of herself, as I was too. And I remember thinking, thank you, Jesus, that we're coming to the end of this road of.
Her self-diagnosing herself and self-medicating herself, and that she will get the spiritual. Help that she'll need because this was also a Christian therapist, and which I always advocated for for her.
So anyways, that morning. I was just any other day, you know. I got up to go to work. She didn't live with us at this point. She lived in a, had rented a home with a friend.
And um I got up to go to work, was doing all the things I normally do. Her boyfriend at the time texted me that he had not been able to get a hold of her. And he told her via text that if you don't call me, I'm gonna call your mom.
So he texted me. Honestly, my first thought was. All right, what'd you do? What'd you do? You made it around.
What'd you do? And, but there was still that little, you know, tingling, you know, that only a mama can understand. And so I texted her an open-ended question. But this was like seven o'clock. She worked in preschool.
And so my thought was: okay, don't panic, Lisa. Don't panic. She's, you know, the kids are coming in. She probably doesn't have her phone on her. She's ignoring it.
And so I reached out to Michelle and Her stepmom, and she said, You know, we tried to get her this weekend, too. She never did respond, but you know, Taylor again, 24. Yeah, you know, so she's like, Oh, mom, I'm sorry, I forgot you texted, I was driving or whatever.
So, I called the preschool, and that's when we found out that she didn't show, and which was completely unlike her because she was very responsible and she was very respected at the preschool she was at. And so, right then, we knew, and so I headed to her house. Making phone calls on the way, and Michelle and Jeff, or Jeff met me there. Michelle went to get the key from the roommate. And I can remember sitting in Jeff's car.
It was a chilly morning. It was March. And I was sitting in his car with him and I remember thinking, I told him, I said, I haven't told Jim anything. And he just quietly said, there's nothing to tell. And about that time, Michelle pulled up and um Jeff now got out of the car and he Told us to stay outside, and he went to her rooms in the basement and.
The next thing we, Michelle just did it, and I just hugged because we were already, as we mentioned earlier in our conversation, you know, we have a. Very unique relationship. I probably didn't expound on enough, but we had a very unique relationship, and Michelle and I were just holding each other and. We just heard this guttural. Scream coming from Jeff.
And we ran. We ran into the house, we ran to the basement. And I can only say that this was the providence of God: I didn't go to her bedside. Most mamas would probably be like, How did you not go to her bedside? But he stopped me.
He stopped me in my tracks. And I remember I just screamed. And just Just beat the wall. I mean, I didn't know what else to do. Yeah.
So, um and I called I remember Michelle called 911 and I called my husband. And um And just screamed that, you know, Taylor's dead. Taylor, he's like, what? And I'm like, Taylor's dead. And the next thing I know, I mean, just everything starts happening.
You know, ambulance shows up, police show up. Um, my sister, I had called her on the way. My sister, she's my rock. She shows up, and I can remember very distinctly running into her arms. And I looked her square in the eye and I asked her, I'm like, is she saved?
And she was like, absolutely, she was. It was that moment where Satan just had to get his little voice in there and make me doubt. Um And all it took was Renee saying, Yes, absolutely, she is, for me to never doubt that again. And. And then it just snowballed from there.
came out quickly that there was nothing they could do. She'd been gone a while. But even in that moment, we had all these thoughts of what happened. You know, Taylor dealt with some. Health issues again, as I mentioned earlier, you know, that the anxiety caused not taking care of her physical body.
So she had some insulin issues, you know, so my mind's going to a diabetic coma. Maybe she went into a coma and died. My husband, who was a retired fireman, so as stoic as he could be. Cried the night she died, worrying that a couple weeks prior she had fallen on the ice and hit her head. And he was like, I should have made her go get checked because he's thinking of brain bleed.
And um It wasn't till the next day when we got the preliminary results and We were on our way home from the church that we were going to be holding all her services in. And it was the corner, and he said words to me I never ever thought I'd hear. And he told us that. She had fitna on her system. And I remember thinking, what?
It was always just pot. Mama, it's just pot. And um And as you can read in my story, you know, it was just Pot that took her home because I know with every fiber of my body, every breath that I take, Taylor would have never willfully. put that in her body.
So it was just pot that took her home. As far as she knows, it was just pot that took her home. Yeah. And as you said, I mean, those are words that no parent ever thinks that they're going to hear. And yet.
they are becoming more prevalent. in our society today, and that just as you said, it wasn't something that that Taylor intentionally Tuck. And You know Unfortunately, we're almost out of time for the radio program here, but we are, those of you that are listening to the radio program, this is a story that. Needs to be told. And Lisa, when we continue for the YouTube portion, I'm going to ask you why you felt the need to share Taylor's story.
But I would highly recommend that you go and you listen to our podcast, which will come out on Tuesday, and you'll have the full episode here that you'll get to hear the rest of Lisa's story and the rest of Taylor's story. Um in the meantime I think it's important for us to remember that none of us are None of us are above making mistakes. None of us are above Um having having issues in our life that are not Um not yet sanctified. You know, and that that was something that I think You know, I would imagine that that was a difficult part of your story, too, is having to tell people what her cause of death was. And so that's something else we're going to explore as we continue the episode for our YouTube portion and our.
Podcast portion. But for the conclusion of our radio program today, I would just say please go listen to those. And Lisa, thank you for being willing to come on the radio today and share such a vulnerable story.
So, one of the things I would love to ask you is just what What did that look like? with your mama heart of knowing Knowing that there were gonna be people that had some strong opinions about. how Taylor died. What what was what were the workings out in your own heart regarding that?
Well, I remember in that moment, that very moment of getting that phone call. And um And yet, well, actually, I'll back up just a slight hair here. The day before, in the midst of all the crazy of being at Taylor's and having all these questions thrown at us. I knew even in high school that I remember Jeff calling me one time that he had found pipe in Taylor's closet. And you know dealing with all that.
I never told my husband about that because Jim is a like, I think he took a puff off a cigarette once.
Okay. You know, I mean, he's just. That's just not in his realm of thoughts. And I never shared that with him because I didn't want it to affect his relationship with Taylor. Again, the the balls juggling you know So we're standing there with these police officers, and it was Jeff and Michelle and Jim and myself.
And they asked about drugs, and it came up about pot. And I remember just wanting to just. dig a hole and climb in it because I thought oh my gosh. I'm gonna have to deal with this now with Jim. And, but God is so good, and it's it did nothing but just strengthen our marriage.
You know, I would have never dropped in a million years, it would be the way it was, but. Um And I remember thinking when I'm on the phone with the coroner the next day. that if Jim had not been in the car with me. If I would have had the courage to tell him this, I know I would have, I would have had to, I would have had a choice. That's not something that I could continue to juggle in the air.
But I remember thinking, it's probably a good thing he's sitting here because it made me have to face it in that very moment. And then I had to call Jeff, and they were in their car together.
So I was able to tell them at the same time. And we immediately made a pact that nobody needed to know.
So that was our mentality at first. We were going to protect Taylor and we weren't going to tell anybody. And I'm, and as I've mentioned, my sister and I are. You can't get much closer than us, you know, because we've been through so much together. I didn't tell her.
I didn't, you know, I didn't tell her sisters. Jim's Jim's daughters, but Taylor sisters. We didn't tell anybody. And As time went on, and that was one of the things that we really struggled with was because people wanted to know. You know, it was always, well, what happened?
What happened? And it was so frustrating as, as. to have to fend off all these questions. It's from people that I know just loved her. And then there was also the people that you're like, you're just being nosy, you know, you just want the dirt.
Yeah. And so we just fended those off as best we could. But then there came a time I'm like. We need to tell the people closest to us. And so, little by little, my sister was the first.
Um We eventually it was probably four months before we towed um Our daughters Because I think the mentality was, you know, I have grandchildren that are now Taylor's age, 24 and 22, our two oldest grandsons. I have a nephew who is now 20. Um but so four years ago, I'm thinking. These boys could be in the same situation, and it's not just pot anymore. And I remember telling Jim and Jeff and Michelle: I'm like, you know, if something happened.
to anybody that we loved because we didn't open our mouths. I said, I can't live with that. And so little by little, we started to tell people. And then eventually, I became comfortable enough when I started to meet new people. That learned that I had lost my daughter, that when they asked, I would tell them.
It just became just second nature to be able to say, well, Pot's not just pot anymore. And I was able to tell them that. But it wasn't until you asked me to write her story, was when It finally it came out. And we weren't shielding who we told. It's like before we could pick and choose, it was finally time we went public to say, and I had asked for Jeff's permission, you know, and I remember even telling you that.
I'm like, I have to talk to her dad because I can't do this without him. And of course, he gave me his permission because he trusted me not to do anything that would dishonor our daughter. And so thank you that you put me in a place Where I had to just Trust God and know that this stuff is happening because of Him. You found me because of Him. You know, you asked me to do this, you asked me to do this podcast.
I have recently just given my testimony at my church. All these things are happening, and it's like. I don't know what he's doing, but I just have to trust. I just have to trust. Yeah, and you know.
Like you're saying, you don't know how many people might might think twice because of Taylor's story. And not only that, but I do want to make a little caveat here based on what you had said. Because our program, part of what we do is Try and equip people to know how to best interact with those that are grieving and. You know, I just want to kind of get on my little soapbox here for just a second and say, when you know somebody that has lost a loved one. Don't ask how.
They passed away. Instead, say, Can you tell me about your loved one? I'd love to sit down and take you to coffee and just you tell me about them. If it's on their heart that they want to share, if that's something that they need to share and process. They will share that.
But so often, especially in The first year, first two years of grief, they don't want to. There are so many circumstances that, um, are very hard for the griever to wrap their mind around the fact that I can't believe that this has happened. I can't believe that this is my loved one's story, that this is our story now. And so it's not the time for us to Get all the details. It's the time to just genuinely sit with them and say, I want to know.
I want to know about Taylor. I want to know who Taylor was. And tell me about. Been away. What you loved most about her.
Tell me what was so special about your relationship with her. But have That's where we can show love by showing self-control and not asking those questions, but let those answers come to you if they want to share them to you. But that's that's a big That's a big equipping tool. Yes. You know, you're not the only mama that I've heard that said really didn't want to tell people.
And yet people are coming to me asking over and over. And You know, I can just imagine as a mom myself that that must almost come off like. like they're more interested in Yeah. the nitty-gritty of things instead of who she was. Yes.
And instead of what you're going through now. Facing life without her. It's like, you know, it's putting a bigger emphasis on her death than on this beautiful, even if it was just 24 years, this beautiful life that she had, good, bad, and ugly, it was still a beautiful life that God allowed. And it does, it makes you feel like that the death. Is what is the most important thing, and it's not.
Yeah, it's not. And so, yeah, thank you for the soapbox. Yes, because you couldn't, I could not have said that better myself. Yeah, I think that's an important thing as believers that we just give people that space, but it doesn't mean that we give space where we're like, oh, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna ask them to coffee because I don't, I don't even know how their loved one passed away. That's not the important part.
Like, step into their grief. That's what we want to do as believers: is like, be the hands and feet of Jesus. He wasn't afraid of our suffering. He came and suffered among us because he wanted to redeem us. And so.
As believers, we can step into One another's grief and say, Let me sit with you in these ashes. Let me hold your hand. Let me carry some of this grief with you. And even just a hug that is a meaningful, long-lasting hug of I miss her too. That can be so healing.
Um and make you feel loved in those moments. Did you did you find that you struggled at all in your own faith after Taylor died? You know I've been thinking about that because you gave me a few things to think about that we may discuss. My first instinct was to say no. I really didn't.
And then I thought, is that true? Is that truthful? And I thought, it is true. I don't think I really struggled in my faith. If anything, it enhanced it and it grew quickly.
Um I think that's a good idea. Yeah, I mean, was I angry? Yeah, yeah. We had a, me and God had some conversations, you know, and I still have moments of. Why, Lord, why?
You know, especially when I think, I mean, I'm so blessed that I have stepdaughters and grandchildren through my husband. And But, you know, my line ends. You know, Taylor was my only child that I gave birth to. And I lost my mom at 16. And so I have those moments of Lord, why?
Why can't I have a mom? And why can't I be a mom? Yeah. But those those things kind of f fly through quickly and and then I'm I'm past it again.
So my faith, no, I did not struggle in my faith at all. If if anything, I just Dug into it. I mean, I can even remember even being at the church for the visitation and the funeral and all the things. And I had a friend tell me later, I don't really remember this, but she said that I said to her, and she heard me say it to many other people. there's a plan and a purpose there's a plan i know there's a plan and a purpose And I don't know, maybe it was a defensive way to kind of protect myself in the moment, but.
But I trust him and I know that there's a plan. And a purpose. And regardless of my situation, regardless of my circumstances, He is still good and I never lost that. And I don't know if that's unique to me or not, because sometimes I look back and I'm like, and Why am I okay? Why am I okay?
And then it's like, oh, it's because of Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I've been blessed to. hear many people's stories over probably the last five to seven years and I don't think that your response is is Unique in the sense that I think that that is A very typical response of a genuine believer.
And it doesn't mean that genuine believers don't ever doubt. You know, we've talked about that too. Grief can bring about doubt, it can bring about seasons of wrestling with the Lord and just kind of what you were saying, too, even just questioning why, Lord, why are you allowing this? But as you had said, coming back, and even the reason why we opened your episode with Proverbs 3:5 through 6 is because. You mentioned in your story how much you clung to that verse where it talks about: don't lean on your own understanding, but in all your ways, acknowledge him.
And he'll make your paths straight. And it doesn't mean, it doesn't say he'll make your paths easy. It says that he will guide you. You can trust him. And That's one of the reasons, too, why that's part of why the book Hope in the Morning was started was because as I would hear testimonies like yours and see how.
These intense trials were met with grace for the moment. God gives us new mercies every morning for whatever He's going to call you to that day, but also. He He brings this joy and this peace, the peace that surpasses understanding in situations that unbelievers do not have that peace. And as I kept hearing these stories over and over, I thought, man, if the world could see. How believers handle grief.
And it doesn't mean that you sugarcoat it, it doesn't mean that you say, Oh, it doesn't hurt. You know, I wake up and I'm just fine without my tailor. That's not what that means. It means that. You will always have a tailor-shaped hole in your life.
You will always miss her. But you trust a God that not only loves you but loved her. And I think it is incredible that the Lord Has not only brought you to this platform, but I had the opportunity to listen to your testimony that you shared with your church and. I can't help but think about the fact that because the Lord, in his providence, for whatever reason, chose to allow you to lose your mom at 16. and your precious daughter when she was only 24.
You have these avenues into women's hearts and lives that other people will not have. They won't be able to get in those places because. You've you've lived. those heartaches. And so you can.
Speak to them. better than people who haven't. Um You know, and it doesn't it doesn't mean that you would would want this testimony. But I think it's beautiful how you are stewarding. this testimony.
How would you say that you and Jim and Jeff and Michelle? have rallied around one another over these past couple of years.
Well, one thing that we do is Taylor's birthday is January 29th and We It's kind of funny. It actually goes back to the week that she passed and we were. At the church together. And you know, and even beyond that, if you allow me to expound on it a little bit, you know, from the very beginning, we were not your typical divorced family. I mean, sure, in the very beginning, Jeff and I were getting divorced.
Obviously, there was something going on, but it didn't take long to get back past that. And then when Michelle came into his life, She's a beautiful Christian woman and is a dear, dear friend of mine. Not before, but since. And even Jeff and Jim, they used to coach her in softball. And it was always so funny when parents would start realizing the connection.
They were like, That's her dad and her stepdad, you know, like we're just weird. And I love it. I love that we're weird. And so, even the week of, we were at the funeral home making the arrangements, and my husband said, He pointed to Jeff and myself, and he said, They made her. We helped raise her.
And that's just a testament of who we are. We didn't, you know, that's just who we are. And so when we were at the church during the midst of all of the stuff. Um Yeah. We made this decision that we would always celebrate her for her birthday.
And one of the places Taylor loves is Spaghetti Factory. And so the weekend surrounding her birthday, the four of us, just the four of us, we go out to dinner and we go to Spaghetti Factory and we have a drink on her and we talk about. Not just, we don't necessarily just sit and talk about her, we just talk about life, and it's something they're going to be actually moving to Alabama sometime in the next year or so because her family is down there. And Michelle has said, she goes, We're coming back, we'll come back to do that, you know. Michelle and I still, we have dinner together often.
Every so often, she comes over here and stays the night, and we just. Spend time together talking about whatever. But we always, at some point, there's always conversation about Taylor, of course. And I remember, I can remember even being at the church, and it was nothing for Jeff and I to stand there and hold hands. And Jim and Michelle wouldn't think a thing of it because.
In the end of the day, that's her dad, and I am her mom. And we may not be married now, but we will forever be bonded. And because he's her dad, I love him very, very much and very dearly. And there's nobody else. on this earth that can relate.
To my grief, the way Jeff can, because nobody else is the parent of Taylor. Yeah. You know, so, um, but like, again, the biggest thing though is our annual dinner out, just the four of us, just to be together, you know? And it was really funny the first year we did it. the waitress just happened to ask, hey, are you out here celebrating anything?
And Michelle and I just kind of looked at each other. We were like.
Well, as a matter of fact, and we were honest, and we said we're here to celebrate our daughter, and that she passed last year because at this point, you know, it had been less than a year. And we were able to witness to her. We witnessed to that waitress. And Michelle and I were just like, oh my gosh, God is so good. He's just so good.
You know, so.
So, yeah, I'm so grateful that even before her death, long before her death. God was preparing the four of us because he knew there was going to be a time we were going to need each other in a way that we never imagined. Yeah, that's such a neat relationship, honestly. Such a unique thing. How, what would you say to other parents who may be listening right now?
Who have just recently lost their own adult children? What would you say, as someone that's a couple years out? What what encouragement and what hope can you give them? Yeah. Um Oh, I guess it would look different depending on their own faith.
I'm not sure how. how to talk to a mom. that doesn't have hope, you know, if there's not salvation. I just, because I can't imagine, I just cannot imagine dealing with such a loss without the hope that I carry. But I will say this: I remember the day that Taylor died, and when I left her house, I went to my stepmom's.
And because she was, you know, we had just lost my dad. On top of all that, you know, we had just lost my dad three months prior. And so my poor. Stepmom who was Tailored Nan. And it was her man.
So, um. She needed we needed to be there, anyways. I got there, my sister was sitting on the couch. And I sat down next to her, and she turned to me and looked me straight in the eye. And she looked at me, she goes, You know, you're going to be okay, right?
And in that moment, I knew I was. And I think that's what I would want to say to anybody that's walking through this. You're going to be okay. You know, it's. Yeah.
Grief never goes away. And it looks different from day to day, from season to season. But I've found that I had to make friends with her. And I think that would be what I would tell someone else. She's going to live with you for the rest of your life.
So you're better off making friends with it. And what I mean by that is when you're friends with somebody, you're going to. You're gonna sit with them, you're gonna cry with them, you're gonna hold on to them. And that's what I do with my grief. I sit with it sometimes because if I feel it coming, ignoring it is not going to do me any good.
So I just sit with it and I allow the emotions to come. understand that there is no Um All those stupid books that have been written about, you know, however many stages of grief. If you have those books, throw them out just because they're not true. You know, regardless if you've lost an adult child, a baby, a parent, a sister, whatever, a husband, a wife. Um Grief.
Is not stages, you know, and I have been through them all, and I've been through them all several times. They don't go in any certain order. And it's Okay. Yeah. It's okay.
And because at the end of the day, If Your hope lies in Jesus. and your loved one Left this world and entered into the presence of our Savior. There's nothing on this earth that can bring you down. Nothing. You know, I've got a picture on a wall in our basement.
We've all lived here at this point now. We've been here about eight, nine years, that we had a wall in our TV room that had, we had never done anything with it. And Jim said, after Taylor died, we ought to make that a Taylor wall. And not a shrine, but it actually has. Um, she was very artistic, so I got a lot of her artwork down there.
And but there's this one picture that a friend of mine had drawn for me, and it's a picture of Taylor hugging Jesus. And I love that, it's just a pencil-drawn um picture. But there's times we'll be down there watching TV and I'll just look at that picture and it's like. My daughter, my tailor. Has Jesus.
And that just blows my mind. She has touched him, she has spoken to him. She, and again, I said to say smelled, but I just, when I look at that picture, her face is in his hair, and it's Mm-hmm. It's funny for me because when I mentioned earlier that Taylor would just run her hair back. She would also inevitably go, Mom, mom, smell my hair.
Doesn't it smell good? You know, it's like, sure, baby, it smells great, you know?
So that's why it's like she has smelled his hair and, I envy that. I envy that, you know.
So, if you've lost a loved one, if you've lost a child, You're gonna hurt, you're gonna grieve, you're gonna cry. For the rest of your life. But you do it all in hope. I'm going to shut my eyes one day and I'm going to open them in the first. Hug, I want as I want to smell Jesus.
I want his hair embedded into my face. But I know standing right behind him is going to be my Taylor. And She will probably Flicker hair and say, smell good, mom. I got the best shampoo up here. You know, I think with what you were saying, too, it's important for those of us that have not lost a child, like you have, those of us in the church to remember what you just said, that grief is going to be a lifelong thing, that it's not going to come in any certain order, that there's not going to be.
You know, suddenly you reach a year and you're all better because you've already gone through the first birthday and the first Christmas and all of that. But as believers, again, being the hands and feet of Christ, that looks like having a willingness and a long suffering alongside. Those that are hurting in our congregation, or those that are around us hurting, understanding that. If it's Eight years out, and you notice someone is crying in the pews. It might be because they lost their daughter eight years ago.
It might be because they lost their spouse eight years ago, and the song we just sang reminded them of their loved one, or maybe they saw a little girl that looked just like their little girl. You just don't know. And we want to have compassion in that and not feel like, oh, it's been eight years and she's still crying about that. Like, that's not. That's not the mindset that we want to have.
We want to instead be willing to come sit alongside you and say, I'm so sorry that you're having a hard day today. Give space for those hard days when they arise. But it means that we can take that. Pain to the Lord, and we can take every emotion to the Lord. We can take it to the Lord and say, Man.
God, this is a hard day today. Lisa, as we conclude this episode, what do you want people to remember about Taylor? Gosh, um Her love. You know, her Her desire to make sure that anybody that was in her presence. felt loved.
Um I mean, she would her the preschool that she worked at they closed the day of her funeral, if that gives any testament of. How they felt about her there. They also put together a video, about a 13-minute video, of the kids and the parents and the teachers speaking of her. And I remember listening to it because before she passed, I can even remember like wishing she could do more. She was just a preschool teacher.
And then I watched that video and I was like, oh my gosh, I wish I'd understood more because you're not gonna make much. I just wanted her to be able to take care of herself, you know? But she was so gifted. And those kids, and those parents, and the teachers, they all loved her so much. Um one of them spoke of how on her lips was always Hey beautiful.
And that's what she told everybody. Hey, beautiful. And or well, hello, beautiful. I can hear, I can hear her voice in my head when I say those words. Um That she loved and she loved hard.
And, um, And she didn't want anybody to leave her presence. Not feeling loved. And, um, she gave the best the best hugs and um Gosh, I miss her hugs. And to live like that, to live with that desire To want everyone to know Jesus and to know they're loved. And that's what she would do.
That's what she wanted to do: to love. and to let everybody else know that Jesus loved them too. I think that that's beautiful, and that's a beautiful testament to who she was and what her character was, which is what we all want to leave here remembering. Not only remembering, but I think that that's a great thing for those of us that are listening to this episode for us to take a note from Taylor and live making other people feel loved. Lisa, thank you so much for sharing your story and Taylor's story today on Hope in the Morning.
Thank you. Thank you for allowing me to. Hope in the Morning is a non-profit ministry that seeks to encourage the hurting. Equip those who walk beside them, and evangelize the lost with the hope of Jesus Christ. to partner with our ministry or to make a donation in your loved one's honor.
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