Welcome to Hope in the Morning. turning tragedies and tears into testimonies of hope. Welcome to Hope in the Morning. I'm your host, Emily Curtis. And joining me again today on Hope in the Morning are Brandon and Jill Bishop.
Brandon and Jill spoke with us last week on the loss of their 14-year-old daughter, Izzy, and what it looks like to trust God in grief. As they were navigating that loss, Jill was diagnosed with cancer for the second time. I encourage you to go back and listen to episode 11 for the first part of their story. But today they joined me to talk about what grief looks like in the first year compared to three years later. We'll also talk about what it looks like for a father to lead his family through grief while walking through his own.
Brandon and Jill, it's such a privilege to have you guys back on the show.
So thank you for joining me today. Thank you for having us. Yes, thank you. It's an honor.
So we were talking last week about how you had a beautiful, vibrant, sunshine of a girl, Izzy, and you you lost her tragically in June of what what year was that again? 2022. Shortly after losing her, can you walk us through the next trial that you faced?
So, almost a year to the day from losing her in June, I was diagnosed with tongue cancer. Was really random. I was in the 10% of people who don't smoke or drink or do tobacco of any kind that can get tongue cancer. It was my second time with it. I had been 12 years in remission, not with tongue cancer, but with can with a different cancer.
And We just were shocked. It was Disbelief. I remember the doctor coming in and telling us, and I was just like, We're coming up on the year anniversary of losing our daughter. And now we're facing this. Like it just felt like.
a mountain on top of a mountain and not really knowing what that was going to look like or entail. Um I don't Google ever since my first round of cancer what What that means.
So, just fully trusting our doctors and brands and doing research on. what the next year was going to entail for me. Mm. Um I We really struggled with, I remember. Um Where Izzy is buried, we bought the two plots next to her.
And I remember going there shortly after getting diagnosed and thinking. Because this is my future soon. My family is going to have to bury me next. And that was. That was hard to grapple with.
There was definitely anger and frustration and confusion. What are we doing wrong? You know, those doubts that you kind of go through. Um But We're on the side of it now. When you say that there were thoughts going through your mind of what are we doing wrong, were you kind of in a state of mind where you almost felt like maybe these were punishments from the Lord?
I think that me, I especially will mean that direction very easily. And something that Mm-hmm. Our pastors and elders have been really gracious to minister to my heart to work me through after Izzy and then this. Because it felt like that. That felt like we just walked through our worst fear and now.
We're facing cancer again. And we knew what cancer looked like last time. Yeah. And I think that made it even scarier. Just.
How hard that was on our family. When you went through cancer the first time, what, um, How long was that period for you? It was about a six-month period of chemo radiation, and then it's like a full-year recovery period.
Okay. Yeah, I had Hodgkin's lymphoma the first time. Which is very treatable, but it's an aggressive treatment. And not linked to tongue cancer. Yeah.
So at that time, if I'm doing the math correctly, when you were first diagnosed with the Hodgkin's lymphoma, was Izzy about three? Mm-hmm.
Okay. So was she kind of an encouragement to you during that time? Like as you guys say, like a little ray of sunshine in that hard season? Absolutely. Yeah, she would come even to.
I have a memory of walking out of my last radiation appointment and her and Brandon sitting in the waiting room just. Big smiles, happy. No idea what was going on. Yeah. Yeah, because our we at that point had to put our other two in school because I couldn't homeschool, so she had.
a lot of us but sick time with me, so a lot of time of being on the couch together and Yeah. I know you guys had mentioned in your last episode that she was a very empathetic little girl and that she kind of could easily see the needs of others. It just comes to my mind. I wonder if her being so young, going through that with you, if that built part of that part of her character. Yeah, possibly.
Yeah. Did you find that she that she wanted to kind of be a caregiver to you during that season even though she was little? It was like her blankie, like she'd be like, You always wanted to give me her blankie, or I mean, all the kids, they're they're. They take good care of their mama. Yeah.
So when you walk through it in that. In that second round, and now you don't have your girl. What were the emotions that you faced that were different? than round one. Um I was saying to Brandon this morning that Ever since losing Izzy, every trial that has come after.
Has not cut as deep, even getting diagnosed with cancer again.
So, While we were in disbelief, it was kind of like almost a. Oh gosh, I don't even know what the right word is. We just went into motion: let's get this taken care of, let's do the treatment, let's get through it. Um, I think. to one of the Gifts from the Lord was radiation.
I had radiation the first time, I didn't think it was gonna be a big deal. The second time, it was a higher dose. It knocked me out.
So I slept a lot. And I think that that was just such a gift because one of my fears, I wasn't able to talk.
So I was stuck with. all the thoughts in my head. And so one of my fears was Just feeling so lonely. And that definitely happened because I'm grieving, I can't talk, and then I'm in pain. Um But then a few weeks in I slept a lot.
just from the toll of the radiation. And I just think that was such a grace. to get through it. How how long was your journey with cancer the second time around? That was about six months also.
Well, treatment was Six weeks? Yeah, the treatment phase wasn't that long, but it was a full year to get back to some sort of Um I guess normalcy after physically, but then there's still been a lot of things, even since, just continuing to. improve hopefully or adapt to. Yeah. So, I bet you had a lot of things on your heart and on your mind by the time you were able to regain the function of speaking again.
Yeah. Has your husband been your greatest solace in all of that? He's Absolutely. That's going to make me cry. It's okay to cry on this show.
We cry on this show all the time. Um That's one thing that my oncology doctor remarks about with how well I've done through treatment. He says you must have a great support system. And between him and my kids, It it's a little bit of a majority. He Brandon was the reason why I fought so hard.
He just gave me motivation. He set me goals because I had to consume a certain amount of calories, and it was really hard. To eat was painful to drink my drinks and If he hadn't been such a coach during that time, I don't. I couldn't have imagined.
Well, Brandon, what were some of the thoughts that went through your mind as you walked through that second season with her? Um Gosh, I mean, a lot. There's You know, the the immediate thought is I can't lose my bride. Mm. Especially, you know, in that season that we were in of coming up on that first anniversary and.
My job is in clinical trials, and I've been in oncology. I had been in oncology for a long time.
So, you see a lot of the sides of oncology, and when you're working in that field, and not wanting that for our family. And especially at the time that we were going through, just thinking Of losing Izzy than losing my bride, or even just her suffering. Through that, I think those that it's just really, really tough. as a husband, as as a spouse, to watch your loved one. go through Treatment, and we're so thankful that she's on this side of things and is doing well.
But in the moment, it's definitely tough.
So, that was that was heavy on my mind. It was also heavy thinking about our kiddos. You know, they just went through losing their sister and now possibly losing their mom. was really, really tough.
So Yeah, but again, I think Yeah, In that season though, you're The Lord is in control. Like He is sovereign over our lives. And so, if this is what He ordained to be good and the thing that we should walk through, we were trying. trusting in him. And I think that the experience with Izzy helped us in that sense of re Strengthening our faith and helping us to see that.
All we really have at the end of the day is the Lord.
So, in that moment, you know, it was, you know, I'd hate to lose my bride, but then she'd be at the Savior's side, she would be with Izzy again. But yeah, so I think It was like Jill said, just kind of we're walking through another trial. We're going to trust the Lord through this. And so let's do what we can. And Um Keep our eyes focused on Christ.
Yeah. Jill, did you find your own heart in a limbo of any sort, knowing that if the Lord allowed you to live out more days, you would be with your husband and your remaining children here. But if he did not, you'd be reunited with Izzy. Mm-hmm.
Very much so. I think that That's some of the beauty of our loss is that It's opened. Our eyes to heaven, and in a more detailed, more intimate way of. Uh Just thinking about it a lot. And so Knowing that that would be my end.
What's comforting? But my biggest fear was them suffering. Yeah. Brain suffering, my kids suffering after what they had to go through. Yeah.
And then of course want like I didn't want to leave them, obviously, so Um Yeah, it was But there were days where it was so hard that you just don't want to keep going. Yeah. Well, when we come back after our break, we're going to talk about what that first year looked like for you guys after Izzy. And now you guys are three years out from the loss of your sweet girl. And I would just love to hear from your own heart what it looks like on your end, year one.
versus year three and kind of how How joy and sorrow can be mingled together in a godly way.
So, join us in just a moment on Hope in the Morning. Have you ever walked through the deep suffering of a friend and been at a loss for what to say? How can you comfort someone when they've just lost a loved one or been diagnosed with cancer? Join us on Hope in the Morning to hear testimonies of people who've gone through life's hardest trials and share what you can do to serve others in similar circumstances. To learn more, visit us at hopeinthemorning.org.
Hope in the Morning is a listener-sponsored program that encourages the weary, equips those who walk beside them, and evangelizes the lost. If you want to partner with this ministry, visit hopeinthemorning.org. And may you be filled with hope as you continue this episode of Hope in the Morning. Joining me today on Hope in the Morning are Brandon and Jill Bishop, and they're sharing with us not only their sorrow after losing their sweet girl Izzy, but also how they kept their faith through walking through a second round of cancer with Jill. You know, I've followed you guys for a little while now on social media, and your testimony has been an encouragement to me.
And I've just found it to be. Such a rich testimony because you're very honest about the grief, but you're honest too about the joys that you feel. And Sometimes, in a deep season of grief, I've heard people say that it almost feels like. a betrayal to have joy. And so, your testimony inspired a poem that I wrote and sent to you guys a little while back.
And I'd like to just read that for our listeners. And it was called Seeds of Sorrow. And I will add this that I think is so neat: I didn't even know at the time that you and your sweet girl had a garden, and that that was one of the things that you guys did. And so, but the Lord knew, you know, so. This is called Seeds of Sorrow.
I planted a seed of sorrow deep beneath the ground. and watered it with silent tears, as words could not be found. Jehovah heard my mournful song, composed of prayer and weeping. he bent down in compassion and held me in safe keeping. When my heart felt like the darkest night From the heavy load of grief, I feared the sun would never return, My future stolen like a thief.
I bowed my head as tears formed a flowing stream, And as I opened up my eyes I saw a golden beam. Sprouting from the seed where sorrow's roots ran deep, was a lovely yellow flower that awakened from its sleep. The flower had been watered by tears of winter's season. its sweet aroma reminding me that sorrow has a reason. The Father uses it to bind us close to Him.
and teaches us that in the roots of grief there is still joy mingled in. And that's rooted in the verse in Ecclesiastes 3:11 that says, He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart, yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Can you guys walk us through what your story looked like in year one of your grief? Yeah, year one, um Yeah, it Uh As we had talked about in the last episode, it's like a bomb that goes off, and you're left with this devastation that you don't know what to do.
So There's a that there feels like this just darkness. Just pervasive darkness all around you. And Not understanding why all of that happened, not. being able to to fathom just even The fact that this sweet little girl who was part of our life for 14 years just is now gone.
So, year one was very heavy. And I mean, you're experiencing all the things for the first time. For the most part, you know, you're experiencing the first holiday, you're experiencing your first birthday without her, her first birthday, first Christmas, all those things. Just happen, and it's just these continual reminders and going back to just how. This loss is now part of your life.
So there is a lot of tears, a lot of weeping. A lot of crying out to the Lord. And so I think since then, and it's by God's grace. that he allows you to To start to see things change a little bit for us, we've really wanted to see that. that God reclaims what has been broken, you know, that He restores, He renews what was broken.
And so even with like this year three, we're kind of coming out of a season where We just shut down. And so even things like around the house. Like the yard and stuff, we didn't take care of as greatly as we could have in the past couple years. But we're hoping that we call it Operation Reclamation of just kind of. Trying to take back what was lost.
And so there is still a lot of. For instance, I was hanging out with some friends a couple weeks ago and We were talking and catching up, and they were talking about their lives. And I was really surprised by how much grief I still have because you can feel like you're walking in this new normal, this new timeline that. You're getting used to it, but there's still that really hard grief. And thankfully, it's not as.
deep or as as I don't know how to explain it, but it's as sharp, yeah, as what it was in year one. But it's still there. But by God's grace, He's helped us to carry that in a different way. And And it's now just kind of part of our life.
So we see this. And just the last thing is like Tim Challeys has said this in the past of with his own loss of talking about the parallel streams of joy and sorrow that they do coexist. And I don't think it really made sense to me until we walked through this of what that looked like and how both joy and sorrow can be possible by, you know, with in the Lord and how he uses the things in our life to do that. Brandon, as a husband and a father, What are some of the best ways that men can comfort other men going through those seasons, whether it's year one or year three? Yeah, it's a good question, and it's one that I I've been honest about that.
Yeah. I think we have talked about how the women in Jill's life were really, really good about reaching out, even sending little cards or notes or messages on social media, being around her. The guys, we just have a harder time. I don't know what it is, but I think we can do better about when our Fellow brothers are suffering or enduring sorrow or grief. There is a need that they have to hear from you as a brother.
It's good to hear that, you know, that. Through the wife, that there's comments made that. they're praying for you, but you want to hear from you directly from your brothers. Um so I think you know just Getting over ourselves in the guy sense of. That this is going to be uncomfortable, but it's so good.
I mean, you see that with Job's friends. They just came and sat with him. Yeah. uh for the that first week and uh just being And you know, they said some things later on that weren't all that helpful, but Just being there was really good for Job. And I think for us, too.
The brothers that have been. close to me, they've just been there. And asking, continuing to ask, how are you doing? How has it been since, you know? Losing Izzy and uh But just continuing to jump into that grief with you is just helpful.
It's often struck me the fact that women do tend to have a A rallying of people around them. It's just, it's more natural. I mean, that's just part of how God has designed us, that we are more nurturing typically. But it has struck me that. The men, the husbands, and the fathers are grieving the same losses as their family, and yet.
They are called by God to lead their family. And so you're leading your family through grief. While navigating your own. And so. In some ways, I almost think men need to be bolstered by other men in the church.
that much more. consistently And intentionally, because you have to be poured into so that you can lead. A whole family. Through this grief and something that you've never navigated before, and yet you're the leader. Um What did that look like for you as far as navigating your family Through this grief and still navigating your own too.
Yeah, it's it's tough 'cause um and I d So, I had a in seminary, I took some seminary classes and had a professor who, and I've stolen this, and we use it in our family: that the boy takes the fall and the girl walks away.
So, in any hard situation, I think we as men should be willing to die to ourselves like Christ, especially in a marriage. like Christ, die to ourselves so that the girl can live. And so I've taken that approach with our family where Even though I want to just stay silent and I want to sit in my own sorrow, I know that what's most important for us is the Lord. And so it's up to me to lead, and God looks to me to be the leader of our family spiritually so that. Life may happen.
And so, in the midst of sorrow, the thing you need the most is Christ. You don't need more circumstantial things and comforts. You need Christ. And so. That was one of the things that It was, even though I fumbled through it and I, you know, I May not have been the, you know, the seminary trained type of.
Pastor, who can spout out all the things? It was really just opening God's Word, finding something to read, like in the Psalms or something, singing and praying.
So going to. to them. And it's it is tough because at the end of the day, then I still am dealing with my grief. And thankfully, my bride was right there with me.
So she never forgot or never thought that it was all about her or the kids. She knew I needed uh comfort and help and so she was very Near in that time. But I think, you know, kind of going back to your other question, this is where guys can really help each other. you can feel alone as a father or husband grieving. Because it's a lot on you to lead out in that.
And so having brothers come in and support you, like again, when the Israelites were fighting and Moses had Aaron and her. Holding his arms up, that's a picture that I think we as guys can come alongside grieving men to help them continue to lead their family. Yeah, I think that that is a great picture to paint for men. Um, because oftentimes Men want to be seen as strong. And you do have to be strong.
To lead a family through grief, you can't be weak. You can't be weak spiritually. And one of the things that I've noticed in your story, especially in the first part. Episode, I think it was episode 11 that we did last week. And I noticed that you guys, as I like to think of it, like you were prepared for battle because you had been faithful, Brandon, to lead your family and you had been faithful to see the value of God's word and leading your family through that.
But in order to continue in that during a season of of intense heartache, we need one another.
So that joy and sorrow can coexist because we see the goodness of the Lord. And our sorrow, you guys have been a great testimony of that to those of us that you've allowed into. Your story, you know, through your blog, through your Instagram. And so, in that regard, I think that it's so important what you're saying for men to understand that. It's such a strength.
to step into somebody else's sorrow and to say, I'm going to hold your hands up. I'm going to hold your weary arms up right now. And I will help minister to you so that you can have the strength to minister to your family. And, you know, unfortunately, we have to end this episode right now, but this story doesn't have to end for you if you tune into our YouTube channel where you get a backstage pass to see what our conversations are here on the station and you get more content there.
So we're going to be able to continue our conversation. Another thing that I would like to say is that you both have places where people can find you and learn more about your story and just kind of be a witness. to your testimony, where can they find each of you? I'm on Instagram and Facebook at BackporchLily with two L's. Um and why.
Mm-hmm.
And I, like you mentioned, do a blog at tillwearhome.com. All right, and they have also very generously donated this month these really cool stickers that say must trust, which is something that they learned to take on and live out from their daughter Izzy.
So every donation that comes in this month to help support the ministry of hope in the morning will receive one of those stickers as a reminder to you that we can trust the Lord in all circumstances. Join us again next week on Hope in the Morning. Yeah. Hope in the Morning is a non-profit ministry that seeks to encourage the hurting, equip those who walk beside them, and evangelize the lost with the hope of Jesus Christ. To partner with our ministry or to make a donation in your loved one's honor, please visit hopeinthemorning.org.
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