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December 31, 2018 2:23 pm
"Addiction is a chronic disease. Where there's a chronic disease, there's a caregiver ...a caregiver in need of their own recovery." - Peter Rosenberger
Dr. Stephen Loyd, the medical director for JOURNEY PURE called the show to discuss caregivers and their loved ones battling addiction.
From his own journey through addiction to serving as Tennessee's director for Substance Abuse Services, Dr. Stephen Loyd continues to offer a lifeline to those struggling with addiction ...and to their families.
Through the radio program and podcast (HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER), we're expanding the term "caregiver" to include those with a family member struggling with addiction, alcoholism, and/or mental illness.
Listen to Dr. Loyd's discussion about this painful issue facing so many families and the efforts they are making at Journey Pure to help!
The vision of Journey Pure is:
"We aim to help patients and their families get the drug and alcohol addiction treatment they need and deserve. We do so by providing evidence-based treatments along with dual diagnosis to address co-occurring mental health issues and root out the underlying triggers causing the patient to abuse substances. Our care goes beyond addiction cessation to offer practical skills required to re-enter everyday life successfully."
Peter Rosenberger is the host of the weekly syndicated radio program for family caregivers. He has served as a caregiver for his wife Gracie, who lives with severe disabilities, for more than 30 years. The author of four books, including “Hope for the Caregiver.” Peter and Gracie live in Nashville, where he also serves as the president and co-founder of Standing With Hope. Follow Peter on Twitter: @Hope4caregiver or visit: www.hopeforcaregiver.com
This is hopefully categorizing Peter Rosenberg bring you three decades of experience to help you stay strong and healthy as you take care of somebody who is not, and were thrilled that you're with is 800-688-9522 800-6885 22. I want to introduce to you right now. Dr. Stephen Lloyd. He is the medical director with journey pure just be with the state of Tennessee for the he was assistant Commissioner of substance abuse services with Tennessee Department of mental health and substance abuse services. He is now with the journey pure and they are dogs that will I let him tell you about Dr. Lloyd-great.
I love the bumper music. It's not what you think for a show for caregivers is far below.
Thank you John, but the fun and funky all you tell us about but journey pure and able to get in some stuff for quick as I will give people a background on this, but this is an issue that we're going to continue address on a regular basis on families dealing with substance abuse.
Patella slithered by journey pure them will get to that journey. A large abuse and mental health issues. So a lot of times we came in in the treatment world. We want to separate out the subs attribute from the mental health and and in no really, it's very difficult to do that. Both of them really need to be addressed at the same time give people the best chance of recovery from the medical director there and have been since February to collect. Let's get into substance abuse issues with family members. One of the things that we've done on this. You is that we have expanded the concept of caregivers as those who are in the orbit of anybody that has a chronic impairment and if you have a substance abuse issue that is a chronic impairment by definition that's a chronic disease and addiction is alcoholism in these are these are not things that you to say okay I'm today I'm going to walk away from this and I'll be fine for the rest of my life.
These are chronic things with the work at a recovery program.
Family members don't always understand that duty, they don't. We do it we do a poor job of involving eminent profit when you have somebody with a you get your new get you described it perfectly as a chronic medical condition where we are kind of condition bothered by the media and by the gift of the print media, the news media and even movie and if you go up to this 28 day treatment program and you come back and you're suddenly better in everything around you is fine and that's not the case and you know it is a is a family debate and the caregivers are often left on the sideline during the treatment process are left on the sideline going forward. What I get this phone call about Dr. Lloyd. What cannot and what can I do to yield to best help to best help my loved one and you know my Internet.
Always the same and in that answer is to take care yourself right you you have to have Phil care because it is, regardless of what we think of our goal is what my family. Thank you.
And then as you know I'm in recovery from from drug and alcohol abuse myself is I can't do anything today to keep me sober and I really can't do anything to try to get me drunk that that's my responsibility family responsibility and and and they learned this more more gum. Profit is not minimum of 15 years to take care of himself their own self-care. Being as healthy as they can themselves and not getting caught up in their own codependency and when were able to do that we function really really well were getting better with Tom Gravelle 16 understood over this journey is that when you have an individual with an impairment like for example diabetes. Diabetes affects that individual, but with addiction. It affects everybody within that orbit of that individual and know it and so talk about the little bit because I don't think I think a lot of families members look at some is it okay if we could just get him to stop drinking, or if we can just get her to stop taking drugs.
Then my life will then be better. Everything will be okay but it's not.
That's not the case with greater spiritual principle I be if I behave in a certain way and things around me are gonna be good to be better. You know, if I behave this way. And what about growing up little boy. My parents work and had a very contentious relationship of the little boy I thought you know if I can behave a certain way and you know if you forget that didn't suddenly somehow magically my parents.
We all and it's something ridiculous like that right but that's really the mindset that I grew up with and I think that knowing in cases of addiction. The issue we think the same thing is our family and this unit will be okay if this person would just behave this way.
Then everything will be all right.
And it's not true it's not true at all.
If you set yourself up for that, then you're really on shaky ground because if that person doesn't do those things so that this unit is okay been worried right and so in these families are our know they could get to the point where so much focus is placed on the person with the subject use issue that they literally live on pins and needles even when things are going great and and I think that that's really a prescription for a for an unhealthy family not and I think you get that. I think there's a lot more people getting that were blessed enough unit to live here in middle Tennessee orders a lot of groups around the get that get that as well introduce this conversation more more to the family caregiver, because I'm seeing this is a recurring theme and I don't think people understand that it is a chronic condition and and even if they get them clean and sober with it when you can get but they do if they get clean and sober today. The real work starts.
At that point because you got a deal with what drove them into those places in the first place is is that Bennett is a good way saying that a great way to understand. It is an ongoing continuing and I'll give you an example for me because it just happened. If you know it's the holiday season right now and so you know me and my wife to think together and and in a win situation for the certain things around alcohol and think about had problems with half and in those situations are so much better now because my wife is doing her own work on herself and she know she doesn't get wrapped up in the lobby to keep Steve out of this rut. The rather that in order for our family unit to be okay. You know she takes care of the things that she needs to take care of make sure our relationships where it needs to be and you know she never said anything to me about it in my own recovery. Peter, it became so much more it became so much more fruitful whenever and and and healthy. Whenever Karen got help for herself.
My wife and I think that that's what folks don't understand is that it is that you're not going to be okay inside, even if your love will never use a substitute again. You just not because you're continually waiting on that other shoe to drop.
Thinking that you got to do these things and the reason that they're not using it because your behave in a certain way. That can possibly looking like it is and I had a lady that called muscle recently put the settlement podcasts caregiver podcast.com and you can hear the call that she is stressing you know it and I asked this was guest when the call and how you feel and her first words out of her mouth were defeated and her daughter has been dealing with addiction issue for some time.
She has children of her own now. She basically has put this girl up in a hotel just so she can have a place she would be homeless. She's gotta go to court there that it's it's a dumpster fire. The whole thing is a dumpster fire and she said I don't know what else it.
I don't have the resource to put in treatment again and I said to this gentleman and I will say these words to you that I want you to mirror back to me as far as okay. Did I get this right. I said to her I said look, this is hard truth is not meant to be harsh, but it is hard truth. Your daughter may not make it, but you have to and you can just hear the air just go out of her.
That's not an inappropriate thing to say to her is Peter and I would argue it would be exactly in my own recovery. I had to get to the point where I would be okay. No matter what if I lose my wife, my family leave me because of it. I had to get to the point where okay with that.
I what good it felt like it and I didn't want to hear but I do be world okay with that. My wife got to the same point. I think that the single best thing that you could've told her at that point because she's living her life right now really should not limit her logic to limit her daughter's life and and that's an impossible thing to do the impossible thing to be physically possible thing to do, emotionally, and is certainly an impossible thing to be spiritually and so I think what you told her was spot on.
She has to get to a point where she's able to live her life, realizing that her daughter might not make right but mom note the things she can do is be helping herself and being there with her daughter is ready to take a step, she certainly is not going to be of your daughter clean so it is not a happy, okay, that decision will be made by her daughter as you go through the prophet hope and if not there is a chance you can lose or not. Think what you told her was spot on. People look at that failed at heart short or that meaning coldhearted.
I think it is probably the most loving thing anybody told well if you could say one thing to family members right now. They specifically what next step action if you will, not just a concept but here's the next phone call, or action step you can take when you got somebody in your life whether it's a child on on opioids or or whatever kid with alcoholism for husband-wife it doesn't matter.
Whoever has got an addiction or substance abuse issue in your orbit.
What is the one thing you would want to say to those individuals of of the next action step they could take it out and Peter is reaching out to someone regarding it.
Or who is currently going through it and a couple ahead of you step ahead of you in the prophet you not talk about it when we first met in any one of the things I love about what's going on in the world right now were gaining so much more awareness of this issue and think that working don't work and I told you that the opposite of addiction is not recovery the option of addiction is relationship and I would say that about families the opposite of this is not your your love will not using the opposite of what you're going through right now is to engage in meaningful community and relationship is felt as a first step reaching out to someone who is been through this good currently going through this, or who is living with this in its chronic state. Right now I think is the best first step we can offer anyone right now and that's through 12 step recovery programs that are available for family member is not the substance abuse is issued user but it's the family members have those things in there. Several of them around people can glide look for things such as Al-Anon and other places they can have what about it at journey pure. Do you have things for the families of these individuals that you put them through a or some type of program available to them and in one of the things that that were lacking in right now that I'm working on. We have family, we can't effectively get a family weekend for our mail and so we have the family community educational on addiction.
We trotted you get to see where their loved one is in the process to get them to engage in meaningful relationships with the love of so much of that relations right now and in the midst of the computer is just if you do this then I'll do this you know that have were trying to getting to getting them to know engage in meaningful relationship. My goal going forward is to do exactly what were talking about right now, which is the is connecting these folks with other folks are going through this in and out others that have come out on the other side still living with a chronic disease but their lives are so much better because they discovered that they have to take care themselves. If nobody groups already exist here in and in the of Peter, and I don't give a shout out one of them that I love very much and a vented into the group at the Cumberland Heights and in this group of families have have met it's not an Al-Anon meeting. It's just a group to get together and have been for over 20 years now. They have dinner on the campus in the night me for about an hour hour and 1/2 talk about anything or share their experience, strength and hope, and in the night spent with that group of folks. One of the most meaningful nights have had since I've moved to middle Tennessee seeing what can happen when a group of people come together and engage in that meaningful relationship around this issue which is really quite amazing. We only got about a minute left to do you find that most of the family members that are at odds with this person who is abusing or or addicted in some way that the family members observe the relationship issue with themselves is fractured. Think I it.
It starts with look at in the mirror the relations I have with myself. I spend more time with me that I do with anybody else. Do you find that those family members are fractured. Individuals themselves, and they've lost their own relationship with the their own heart, is that is that if I say that right. I could not agree with you more if I was with you right now physically I would hug your neck. It was socially acceptable.
That is because it's it's okay that you absolutely part of that is it.
You lost your relationship with your heart and replace it with something else not obtainable. So you know it it it that Aland when I have success. I look out the window when I failure look in the mirror work on yourself first.
That will be the single biggest thing that you can do to help your loved one going forward.
That is brilliant advice.
I love that will have success and looks out the window would have failure look in the mirror Dr. Steve Lloyd, medical director journey pure journey pure.calm please go check them out. Do not try to do this alone. Folks reach out to people, they will point you in the right direction. They can help.
That's what they're there for you to come back. You have my card info.
I love you and thank you so much for doing it I recorded it.
You are quite welcome. I look forward to having you back on a list.
This is hope for the caregiver. I'm Peter Rosenberger. This is the show that is committed to helping family caregivers of the calm are healthier, and dare I say and more joyful life. We got more to go.
Don't go away will be right back, and he never struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to. I'm gracing Rosenberger in 1983 I experienced a horrific car accident leading 80 surgeries in both legs and became it. I questioned why God allowed something so brittle to happen to me.
But over time I questions changed and I discovered courage to trust God that understanding along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs led me to establish standing with help more than a dozen years we been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people on a regular basis. We purchased ship equipment and supplies and with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison.
We also recycle parts from donated lambs. All this is to point others to Christ.
The source and my help and strength these visit standing without.com to learn more and participate in lifting others that standing without.com. I'm Gracie. I am staining without