"My daughter has Autism & I have 'Mom-ism!'"

Welcome back to the show for caregivers, about caregivers, hosted by a caregiver. This is the nation's number one show for those who are putting themselves between a vulnerable loved one and even worse disaster. Somebody with a chronic impairment. And you're doing this.

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888-589-8840. Now we're talking about that. We're talking about what to look for when you're dealing with someone who is going through these things. And as my custom on this show, we have a lot of things we'll talk about, but we will come to a screeching halt and weave in calls because if it's on your mind, even if it's all subject on this, we'll talk about it. Okay?

And then we'll swerve back into what we were going back before if it was something different. So let me just grab one call real quick. Tammy. Tammy in Tennessee.

Good morning. Tammy, how are you feeling? How are you feeling, Tammy? I'm hanging in there. How are you doing? Well, I'm not convinced, Tammy, that you're hanging in there. Are you really all right? I am. I am right now.

There were a couple months back that I was not. And I think like all of us, you know, what keeps us going is when we have a lot on our plate that April's Autism Awareness Month, I have a daughter with autism. And so I have a lot on my plate. I have a lot to do this month. Keeps me out in the community, keeps me going. So I think the hardest times for me is like, you know, we've had a really serious winter here or just dreary. And so when you just feel that isolated, left behind, forgotten, you know, because everybody else is moving on and you're stuck. So I definitely have those times that, you know, that you just don't know how long you can keep doing it.

But you can do it for 24 hours. And that's the way we have to look at it, isn't it? Absolutely.

Absolutely. Let me ask you a question, Tammy. Let me ask you a question. Did you see that report about the spike of autism in New Jersey? I did not. I did not.

I'd be curious to see what you think about that. No, it was, it came out like yesterday or the day before. I mean, it's like, it's the number one state in the country that's doing this. And it's like, you know, way off the chart kind of thing of what's going on in New Jersey with this diagnosis with autism. And do you think, do you think that, do you think there are significantly more cases or are we diagnosing it better?

You know, I have been, Morgan is 25. So in a number of years off and on, I have seen people talk both ways. I think there are absolutely better diagnosis, you know, because we know a lot more than we did. But I do think there are a lot more children now than there used to be.

Why? I don't know. Environmental factors, what have you. But I definitely think there are more because when I went to school, I didn't notice, you know, that many kiddos with, you know, this sort of thing. You know, this type of, seeing the disorder like I do now, it wasn't there or I didn't see it. So I absolutely think there are a lot more kids now.

And I'm in that world. So I'm seeing more. I had a friend who, when my daughter was little, she was a speech teacher. And she told me before we got the diagnosis, she said, you know, it looks like a mild case of autism. She says, but I've only seen one child, you know, and she had tons of kids with developmental disabilities. And she said, I've only seen one child that presented this. And now, as a speech teacher, before she retired, she said she had like 250.

So this is somebody who works it and knows it. So there are absolutely more children with, you know, this developmental, these issues than there used to be. Let me ask you two more questions. We're coming up on Easter. How has your faith sustained you through this? Oh, it's what absolutely keeps me going. Because I do have that hope that, you know, if not on this side, on the other, I'm going to have a better understanding. I'm going to get to hear her speak to me and really tell me, you know, what it's like from her end, because that's what I long for. Because when you do, when you deal with, you know, I don't want to say it's a mental illness, but there are definitely things that come into factor, like obsessive compulsive disorder and other things that are hard to understand and manage. And I know it's as hard for her as it is for me. So that, again, that's what keeps me going.

My faith that, you know, God's going to show me and give me an answer to some of these things. Do you, if you could say, now there are a lot of people listening to this show all over the country. If you could say one thing, or maybe a couple things, to first off pastors, what would that be? Make a, get to know us, get to know us for who we really are. And I know, I know their lives are busy, just like everybody else. And, but there's, you hear it all the time, there's so much more that we have in common than we don't.

And it takes a while to get to know us. And, you know, a lot of times individuals with autism can be a little standoffish and hard to get to know, but it's worth it. And I also wanted to know that everybody in the disability community has something to offer. It's not just about what they can give us, it's what we can give back. You know, because I have learned so much.

God has taught me countless gifts through her. And I think the world is missing out on a lot of that when they don't include our kids. You know, I think that there's, I'd like to mine that a little bit more because I think that there's this presupposition that you're going to go to church to be ministered to, and yet we are going to church and we're ministering to it. That's the scripture for today, bear one another's burdens. We're going to church to minister to each other.

And everybody has something to offer. I've watched Gracie struggle to get up stairs to sing in front of churches when they have all these stairs going up. And here she is on two prosthetic legs and, you know, and I've watched her struggle to get up these stairs. And I think it never occurred to the designer of these facilities that, you know, people with disabilities would also have something to offer from that platform. Of course, they never probably think that their pastor may get a broken leg or something. But what would you say to other church members as a parent of a child with autism? For me, just one open book, if they have a question, I want them to ask me. I don't want them to shy away. I don't want to, you know, treat us like the leper, so to speak, you know, that I know it might be awkward or unusual, but just, you know, just say hello. And just welcome, and I'll, you know, I'll answer anything that I can that'll help us get to know each other. Because, you know, some churches are more conservative than others.

We've had a very supportive church, and we're just extremely thankful. But you will have people who do shy away and just, you know, they want to keep that distance. And I just want them to be more comfortable, more open, you know, because none of us are perfect. None of us are without disabilities, if you will.

We all got something funky, don't we? Well, you know, and I go back to this isolation topic that we just addressed in the first segment. The caregivers can feel isolated in a crowded room. We can feel isolated on a crowded pew, and you have just reinforced that concept that you can be sitting there in church and everybody else is singing victory in Jesus, and you can feel so excluded and so alone. Is that a fair assessment?

It is a fair assessment, and it's not that it's a fault of anything. You know, just what we've, we're isolated by nature of what we're dealing with too, and so we even get awkward because we're having to set apart so much that we don't even know how to join in anymore. I always tell everybody I've got momtism because I'm trying to learn how to socialize myself. So, you know, I just appreciate that person that reaches out. I love that, momtism.

Oh, I do. I was inherited from my child, but it's just, yeah, it's just, it gets awkward for me. So if I don't feel that somebody's comfortable with me, you know, it makes me kind of close off even more, whereas if they'll reach out, when I'm not always able to, if they'll just take that risk and do it first, then I will reach back. And I just have to know that, you know, they're comfortable enough for me to do that. And because I'm trying to open a window that goes both ways for my child to understand the world and be able to maneuver in a little better, but the world has to be able, you know, to reach back and when she does reach out for that support. So I, you know, that's it. If we can just understand each other a little better, laugh at ourselves a little better and each other and not, you know, we just got to be able to do that to get more comfortable. And I think, I think that's just, that is incredibly insightful and gracious.

I love to hear from folks who've been doing this for a while. You know, I mean, you've got some, you've got some real longevity in this. Your daughter's 25 years old. Last question before we go to bottom of the hour here, break. Okay. To this new family that is stepping into the world of autism for the first time. I mean, are they, they've gotten the diagnosis, it's okay. Their whole world now is dealing with this reality.

To this new family, what would you say in just about a minute or two? Don't, don't try to do it by yourself. Reach out there, get support. There are autism chapters all over the place.

You can Google. There's for here in Tennessee, autismtennessee.org because they offer that call representative on the line with resources. I'd tell them to contact you because obviously of all the resources you offer, just, just don't do it alone. You've got to get support, whether it's other parents, just someone to chat with, someone to talk to.

If you can't get to a support meeting, there's so much online Facebook groups and things, you know, be careful what you dig into. And absolutely your passion, your faith, you know, if you can get there, if the church hasn't shut you out, you know, which has happened to a lot of, in the past at least, parents with a child with autism because it is hard to understand. But churches are getting better. They're getting more open.

They're, they're creating more understanding. And by the way, I have a standing invitation and I want to remind folks of this. I have a standing invitation on this show. If you're engaged in a really good church that is disability friendly, particularly in this case, autism, let us know. So I want you, Tammy, tell us what church you go to and I want to share that church out here so that people in the listening area will be able to know.

Thank you so much. Our First Baptist Church of Hendersonville. Our Hendersonville First Baptist Church. Hendersonville, Tennessee First Baptist Church. And they are wonderful. They've even not just got a child's ministry, but also for young adults, older adults, which a lot of times gets dropped off the map. Younger adults with autism.

That's it. Well, Tammy, listen, thank you very much for that call. I really do appreciate it. And thank you for your insight and thank you for just your heart. Hey, this is Hope for the Caregiver. This is the nation's number one show for the family caregiver. We're so glad that you're with us. And this is what it's all about here.

We bear one another's burdens. 888-589-8840. 888-589-8840. This is Peter Rosenberger. We'll be right back.