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August 12, 2020 2:16 pm
What is "normal?"
As caregivers, we discover that we have to make our own normal ...and trust that we can have meaningful moments and even joy in that "normal of our own making,."
This caller and I discussed this in this clip from the show.
In addition, as she struggled with figuring out how to care for her aging father, I pointed her to this service that Gracie and I use. We can often use technology offload some (not all!) of the monitoring components of our caregiving responsibilites.
Peter Rosenberger is the host of HOPE FOR THE CAREGIVER. Heard weekly on 200 stations, Peter draws upon his 34 years as a caregiver to help strengthen fellow caregivers.
Hope for the Caregiver is the family caregiver outreach of Standing With Hope.
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888-589-8040 Tripoli 589-8840 list go to Julie in Oklahoma. Julie Julie Highfield and my mother died of COBIT four months ago and my father has had to live at kind of with that on our property and they were married 50 here now am he, and he got COBIT the day after she died and he had everything wake. Now he is now really just kind of waking up and grieving. So every day we go through it and I have a husband. It just I retired right before their teeth got macular degeneration and the doctor told him you know you need to go in traveler see something while you can. Now you know we can't do what he thought we were going get to do something right for volcanic change around Florez and I have extreme adrenal fatigue, which in no way meant manage with some different things that sometimes it all just hit me so hard and I can even function and I'm trying to keep you know my father has no almost 0 social interaction right now because of the coed and I'm trying to keep him uplifted and happy to know as much as we can in busy and then my husband is been great but you know he's disappointed because were not done what he thought we were going get to do sound like I'm in the middle and where would you like to travel with you. Well, we wanted to go see something like you know Yellowstone displacement like that, you know, that would probably take a week or two and then that that's got a lot of side effects from the COBIT that I did because they hear monitor him every day you able to bring someone to sit with your father, will you take short trips.
I had only thought about that. We do have a home health that can one day I went to check on him that I don't know if they know they could do more than that you could afford that. I don't know what that cost will be different services that you can use and sinful decedent record 24 care 24 monitoring. I mean, we might be able to leave like overnight, but it's got a lot of side effects that came with the COBIT that it is not recovered from that will technological dances that you can monitor while you're away and you can if you can combine that with some some human contact to make sure that he's been properly looked after meals and things such as that and then you could also supplement that with monitoring through videoconferencing and things that are easy things for you for you to do anything for him to do does it doesn't require him being technologically astute and so those of those things that I would.
I would look into others wanted my website.
You can take a look at it. Hopefully caregiver.com and it might be worth your time at source of that. I use but it's it's because you thought out when I leave. If I'm nobody's traveling a whole lot right now anyway right. But if out when I leave to go speaker so thought that I have to make provisions to make sure that there's someone close by, or with Gracie. I don't feel comfortable leaving her alone in and so I get that journey. That's not going to change of possible even for the better because this is not how old is he, I mean it's it's going to require more and more care as he gets older and I get that the US of assault here in the problems that you know how to try to have a normal life.
I don't know what a normal life is. And I haven't no normal. The long time and I think that the country itself is trying to figure out what normal is a get back to normal, but I don't think going get there and I got back to what was saltwater scripturally that you will send Lord deliver us from this deliver from this well this is a going away anytime soon. And even if we come up with the vaccine today. Things have changed now and people are going to be the way we do business the way we eat, we go out to eat and go to work and stay in hotels and travel and think such that all that's changed and it's going to be a long time if ever. If it goes back because what I can eradicate the slick. We may make it a vaccine. But we got a vaccine for the flu and guess what millions of people still die from the flu.
And so slows as long as we live in the cut a politically charged world we live in, and everything else. Things are going to change, but that doesn't mean we can't live a normal life and this is what Jeremiah saved his people look Glenn Pletcher Vineyards builder houses live life. I would say to you and your husband alone with this look like Julie because you do have restraints but there are tools and resources available to offset those things that I would explore them to see if you can't set up some type of video monitoring conference.
Some type of technological smart home, things will we do this at our home makes all the difference. My parents are elderly.
They listen the show everyday but they have no Alexa throughout the house. You know the kind of stuff people you say what you were, but given your private information out as it like this. My mother dead.
They've Artie got Alexa on the prayer couch right now. Ministering to Lexis issues with her parents and Obama's election is already crowded and that is is his customer doesn't hinder tissues you eat what he was pastoring he would give a roll of toilet paper.
There is office changes here just use the tips that you know of Alexis working through all of her parent issues right now with my mom and dad so I'm not worried about that at all.
But it's it's one of things that it's that you and your husband are not to be able to get everything that you want to do with. That doesn't mean that you can't do things that are deeply meaningful in and I think that's that that's the thing with with gracing the our abilities to participate in life are greatly altered but we have learned to be creative in our journey. Gracie Gracie loves the outdoors live in Montana. We live near Yellowstone is about affect about 90 miles north of and we moved out here from Nashville about a year ago and we we lived in Nashville for many many years. The Gracie loves outdoors. She can't hike is just too painful for Stu Hart but we offset that we know using ATV or the wintertime. She gets out of the snowmobile and and she loves those things because she doesn't feel crippled when she's on and she can go it must be there. Your speed or whatever speech he wants to go think and so you just learn to be creative and adapt to these things because of that we we are not called to be sidelined and some people can't do any of those things and and we went on a trip this week, way up in the forest with our son was appearing and it was a wonderful trip and it was our trip a minute it was painless. She's always in pain she's not that's never going to change, and she's what I would be in pain and muscle have some fun, but we got back she would sell this and we got to the destination going to way back in the forest beautifully and it's a hard trip to get to that, she started crying when she got there she is a member of a of a group of individuals who live with severe pain on Facebook is private group. She's a part of and a lot of these folks can't function very well and she said I did this trip for them and I want the decision. I took lots of pictures of it. I want them to see it through my eyes, is another not to be able to an end. So I think there's there's there's a sadness and there's a beauty and enjoyed it's all wrapped up into one as we do these things but we find whatever level we can participate in.
I don't know what that looks like for you and your husband but I don't think you need to worry too much about getting this is my opinion so that I don't like to share my opinion too much because my opinion is worthless. My experience, however, is not an and auditing care about my opinion but my experience tells me that we don't have to be bound by time. Some health figure out what normal is you and your husband are free to make whatever noble looks like for you guys and nobody else gets voted that except you and your husband, not even your father gets voted for your father-in-law said your dad or your father-in-law, your dad nodded. He gets voted that he gets voted what his noble looks but you and your husband can forget whatever that looks like if you have to bring in some technology if you have to hire somebody sit with your dad whatever to do these things don't accept that you are somehow in bondage to this, but just learn to thrive in it that whatever that looks like and Gracie have had to make hard decisions in our life but we don't and and we continue to do it and sometimes you don't normal for us was. I remember when when she was in the hospital so many times just over and over and her kids were little and this was long time ago.
You're about to dig myself but we've been doing this for three and half decades and you don't we. We brought I brought in a VCR at the time the DVD player all these things. This is a long time ago and the hospital had all kinds of rules about hooking up equipment to their televisions and messages forget that man. I'm just going to deal with others will do it.
We brought her kids up there and we had movie night in the hospital where the kids crowded in the hospital bed with her mother and we had movie night in the hospital and I didn't ask for permission to hook up all the equipment to the to the TV is not, you know, I figured, you know they're making money off the think they can get over it, but we had that are under forget that both of our children snuggled up with her mother. She's got her leg in the cash to get tubes everything else there snuggled up with her mother in a hospital bed while we watched a movie as a family that was our know I don't know what your normal school look like Julie but I know that you're free to make it happen and trust God. This is help assist this resident. I left. I just think it over and then go spend some time in Jeremiah 29 Julie, thank you so much for this is hope for the caregiver. This is the show for you as a caregiver will be right back. I dispute. Rosenberger never helped somebody walk for the first time I've had that privilege many times through our organization.
Standing with hope when my wife Gracie gave up both of her legs follow this horrible Rick that she had as a teenager and she try to save them for years and if it just wouldn't work out. And finally she relinquished him and thought wow this is that I'm not happy legs anymore. What can God do with that and then she had this vision for use in prosthetic limbs as a means of sharing the gospel to put legs on her fellow amputees and that's what we been doing now since 2005 was standing with hope. We work in the West African country of Ghana and you can be a part of that through supplies through supporting team members through supporting the work that were doing over there. You could designate a limb.
There's all kinds of ways that you could be a part of giving the gift that keeps on walking and standing with hope.com would you take a moment ago understanding with hope.com and see how you can give they go walking and leaping and praising God. You can be a part of firstname.lastname@example.org