Reasons for Remaining Single, Part 1: Because of the World B

All marriages have difficulty.

They're just plain trouble in the flesh. Hardship, sacrifice, because two people are human and children are human and they add more depravity to the scene and it all becomes complex. If God has given you the gift of singleness, stay that way and avoid the problems of humanness that come in a marriage. Near the end of his life, the famed reformer, Martin Luther, proclaimed, there is no more lovely, friendly, or charming relationship, communion, or company than a good marriage. Of course, Luther's joy makes sense when you understand what scripture teaches about marriage.

The fact is, marriage is a positive thing in the Bible, so why would the Apostle Paul ever call it a bad idea? Consider that here on Grace To You as John MacArthur shows you from Scripture five advantages you enjoy if you are single. Yesterday, he looked at the first one.

He'll explain the others today. And keep in mind, this is not just a lesson for single people. If you're married or divorced, you're also going to benefit from John's study titled Guidelines for Singleness and Marriage.

And so, with the lesson now, here is John MacArthur. We're going through the book of 1 Corinthians. Chapter 7 deals with problems surrounding the issue of marriage. We come to a very interesting section that I've entitled Reasons for Remaining Single.

Now, that is an unusual title and it's a very unusual topic, a very unusual section of Scripture. We're not against marriage, but the Bible is very balanced in the area of marriage and it recognizes that for some people, singleness is better than marriage because God has gifted them to be single and the church must maintain a balance in understanding this. Even though Peter calls marriage the grace of life and even though Paul exalts marriage as the picture of Christ's relation to the church and Paul states even that marriage is the norm, even though our Lord Jesus Christ acknowledged the strength of the marriage bond in Matthew 19, it is still true that for some people, singleness is best.

We have already seen three basic principles about being single. Number one, being single is good. Secondly, to be single is a gift. God gifts certain people with the charisma of singleness. Verse 7, every man has his proper gift of God, one after this manner and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.

It's good if you have the gift to remain single. Thirdly, we've learned that your marital status has no relationship to salvation. When you become a Christian, it is not incumbent upon you immediately to get married, nor is it incumbent upon you immediately to get single and dump your wife or your husband in order that you might have greater devotion to God. And this is precisely the conflict in Corinth. The Jews were saying you must get married. The Gentiles were saying you must be celibate or ascetic. And the Apostle Paul says no. Verse 20, let every man abide in the same calling in which he was called. Whatever situation you were in, verse 24 says, when you were saved, stay there. If you're single, that's good.

If you're married, that's good. Now, in verses 25 to 40, Paul expands on this basic presentation. Now, Paul then supports that idea with five reasons for remaining single.

Reason number one, the pressure of the system. Notice verse 26, I suppose therefore that this is good. What is good? That it is good for a man so to be. To be what?

To be unmarried. Why? Because of the present distress. Do you see it in the middle of verse 26?

Because of the present distress. Paul is anticipating something here. There is a violence that is going to come when the wholesale pagan persecution breaks out. And Paul could see it coming. He knew that a girl married, a guy married, and raising children might suffer the heartbreaking losses that can only come to those who have a family when the persecution broke out.

He could see it on the horizon. And in view of this, he says, my advice is if you have the gift, stay single. And people keep in mind that all of this advice is only to those who have the gift. Because to force somebody to be single who doesn't have the gift is to force them to burn with desire all their life, and that isn't accomplishing anything.

But if you have the gift, he is saying, that's the basic supposition of all of this. Don't get married. Stay single, number one, because of the pressure of the system set against Christianity. Number two, because of the problems of the flesh.

Remain single because of the problems of the flesh. Now, verse 28 identifies this for us. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned. And if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. He wants to make sure we understand that it isn't a sin to get married. That is not what he's saying.

He doesn't want any misunderstanding. He is not against marriage. Marriage is not an evil thing. Marriage is not a sinful thing.

It is still the majority state. It is still the design of God. It is still a beautiful thing. It is still a wholesome thing.

Don't misunderstand me. If you marry, you don't sin. And if a virgin marries, she doesn't sin.

So bachelors and maiden daughters can marry without sinning. Nevertheless, such shall have trouble in the flesh, and I would spare you from that. Such would have trouble in the flesh, and I'd spare you from that. Now, this is very interesting. Notice the statement, such shall have trouble in the flesh.

Such is masculine in its gender, and that would gather up all cases, not just virgins, but bachelors as well. Trouble. That's an interesting word. Do you know one of the things that occurs when you get married? Trouble. Trouble occurs in marriage. You say, oh, in our marriage?

Yes. In your, in my marriage. Oh, can't believe it.

It's true. Trouble occurs. You say, well, where does it come from? Trouble comes from what?

The flesh. Do you know what we have realized in our marriage? Both of us are sinners. My wife is a sinner.

Now, I'm not getting specific, but I'm just giving you a general truth. My wife is a sinner. You know what's even worse than that? I am a sinner. And you know what happens when you put two sinners together? Trouble happens. Trouble in the flesh.

Any kind of marriage is going to bring about trouble. Now, flesh. What does flesh mean?

Sarx. This is the lower nature. Now, let me give you a simple definition. This is our humanness. This is our humanness. And it is humanness in marriage that makes for trouble. Even though the Holy Spirit wants perfect unity, humanness creates problems. He has in mind the problems that come from our humanness, the ever-present troubles of married life. Now, what about this idea of trouble? This is the word phillipsis in the Greek, and it means literally pressure. It comes from a Greek word meaning to press together and was used of squashing grapes. Now, you know, marriage is a pressure, isn't it?

It's a pressing together. And in that kind of pressing together, humanness is going to rear its head. You know the kind of trouble that humanness brings? Let me tell you some of the things that humanness creates. Anger. You ever have anger in your marriage? In your home?

Oh, it comes down in. Selfishness. You ever have that? How about stupidity? Whatever made you do that?

How could anybody overdraw the bank account by that much? Just plain stupidity. That's humanness. And the other partner says, boy, you know, how do I know what you've done with everything else? Now I can't trust you with that. Forgetfulness.

This is the third year you've forgotten my birthday. That creates problem. Dishonesty. You don't tell the whole truth.

Secret sin. Pride. Pride makes us build ego walls. And then people can't get to us.

Then the communication is cut off. See, thoughtlessness, overindulgence. You know, in a home, people say, well, if I could just get married, that would solve my problems. My friend, if you get married, all that's going to do is magnify your problems so somebody else has to live with them.

And that's humanness. And that's part of the problem of being married. And that's why the most miserable people in the world are not single.

Did you get that? The most miserable people in the world are married. In a marriage, it doesn't work. Misery comes basically in marriage at a much higher level than in being single because you're slammed against this other person and everything about you that's wrong keeps getting thrown back in your face. And you're constantly having to adjust. All marriages have difficulty.

They're just plain trouble in the flesh. Hardship, sacrifice because two people are human and children are human and they add more depravity to the scene and it all becomes complex. If God has given you the gift of singleness, stay that way and avoid the problems of humanness that come in a marriage. Don't look at marriage as the solution to your problems.

It is the magnification of them. You know, we always say marriage never changes anything. It just intensifies everything you are and makes somebody else have to live with it.

If you're going to solve your problems, you're going to solve them apart from your marriage. I've had people say, you know, I got this tremendous sexual problems and desires and it's to the place of sinfulness. If I could only get married, you know what happens when they get married?

Nothing changes that. They still have those same lusts and evil desires. Even though there is a sexual fulfillment in marriage, if that thing is a sin problem that hasn't been dealt with, there will be just as much illicit lust in a marriage as there was before you got married. And other people say, well, I'm so lonely, if only I could just get married and have somebody.

And you know what? There are plenty of somebodies in the world that you could know and love and not be lonely and usually a super lonely person will get married and draw walls around themselves and be super lonely even though they're married and they'll make somebody else lonely. Marriage is not the solution to your problems. Marriage is the solution to one thing for the Christian and only one, and that is the need to be obedient to God's will. If God wants you married, then get married to the right person, only if that's clearly God's will. But if you have the gift of singleness, you avoid the special problems of the flesh that come with marriage as well as the pressure of the system. Third thing, the third reason for remaining single is the passing of the world, pressure of the system, the problems of the flesh and the passing of the world. Look at verse 29.

I'm going to read 29 to 31 because it all goes together. But this I say, brethren, the time is short. Literally, the time is shortened.

The time is shortened. It remains that both they that have wives be as though they had none. They that weep as though they wept not, they that rejoice as though they rejoice not, they that buy as though they possess not, and they that use this world as not abusing it for the schema, the state of this world is passing away. Now, what is he saying here? He is saying, hey, marriage is part of the schema of this world, and it is what?

Passing away. Marriage has no relation, listen to this, marriage has no relation to permanent eternal interests. I know this bothers a lot of young people because they get married. A couple asked me this recently, brand new newlyweds, and they said, if the Lord comes real soon, will we still be married in heaven? I said, no.

That was very disappointing. They did not like that thought. And of course, there are others who've been married a long time who are waiting for the rapture because they'll cease to be married. But marriage, there is no marriage in heaven. There are no marriages there are no marriages in heaven. Marriage is a part of this passing scheme.

That's what he's saying. It is like human emotion. It is like human possessions. It is like human pleasures.

It's all part of this system and gone. The time is shortened. Kairos, the appointed time.

Kairos means the set time, the appointed time. God has set out an appointed time, it is shortened, it is rolled up. The allotted time in this world is brief. James said your life is a vapor, right? It appears for a little time and vanishes away. And who is able to say what about tomorrow? Why, who knows what tomorrow is going to bring? What is your life? Brief, a brief flickering candle that is gone with the first breath of God's divine wind. James 1 10 says, the rich in that he is made low because as the flower of the grass he shall pass away for the sun is no sooner risen with a burning heat but it withers the grass its flower falls the grace of the fashion of it perishes so also show the rich man fade away in his ways life is short even for the rich in first peter 1 24 all flesh is like grass the glory of man like the flower of the grass the grass withers and the flower falls away love not the world neither the things that are in the world if any man loved the world the love of the father is not in him for the world passes away first john 2 15 and 17 you see marriage is a part of a passing system if you have a gift for singleness then that's part of the passing system you don't need it is god's design people and this is what it's saying here it is god's design that we attach lightly to earthly thing that those who are married even be as though they were not married in other words it doesn't mean you mistreat your wife or you don't fulfill your obligation no no the bible is clear about that but it is that you remember that it is the reality that is eternal that matters colossians 3 2 adds a word that i think is important love your wives husbands but listen to what colossians 3 2 says set your affections on things what above and not on things on the earth you can love your wife and at the same time keep your priorities and your perspectives in the proper way now paul gives five examples here of the christians freedom from the passing world marriage weeping rejoicing buying and worldly pleasure they're all part of the passing system marriage for example he says in verse 29 it remains that those who have wives be as though they had none don't attach yourself totally to marriage that's just part of the passing world there's got to be some kind of balance between love your wife and care for your family on the one hand and we've really pushed that to the limits and on the other hand recognizing that marriage is to be treated lightly as an earthly thing and that what we do for eternal values is what's really consequential listen marriage is going to give away to heavenly family life with god the father christ the husband and all believers the wife right well you say well what does he mean by weeping and they that weep as though they wept not and they that rejoice as though they rejoice now what he's saying is don't get attached to human emotion either don't rise and fall with what's going on in your world don't be over burdened by what happens you know there are some people for example somebody in their family dies and they crack up they fall apart they're worthless you know that's ridiculous for a christian why because that's just a temporal thing you're going to spend all eternity with them anyway how ridiculous it is for so often when a wife loses a husband she just folds up her tent and steals away into the night that's the end of her or a man loses his wife and it's all over with he can't adjust himself why because he has not treated marriage lightly and he can't control and he can't control the weeping that comes don't get overdone with human emotion listen when we get to heaven god's going to wipe away all tears what about rejoicing well what he means there is don't get too happy with the system either don't get overjoyed with what makes the world happy do not be a victim of the world's emotion that's what he's saying don't get over tied to the world's relationships and don't get over tied to the world's emotion you're another worldly creature now what about the fourth one buying at the end of verse 30 they that buy as though they possess not don't get overoccupied with the world's commodities love not the world neither the things that are in the world first john 2 15 says and he's simply saying look you're in the world and you're going to be a part of it but tie loosely to its relationships loosely to its emotions and loosely to its commodities listen to me people that third one is a tough one isn't it i'm telling you some of us have got almost every single thing in this world that we have financially and almost all of our mental preoccupation tied in to the world's commodities we're more worried about our bank account than we are our spiritual life we're more worried about how we decorate our houses and how fancy our cars are than we are about spiritual realities and eternal truth and we are not attached lightly to the world we are attached heavily to the system and so when the system begins to crack and we begin to lose things we can't handle it set your affections of things above marriage is a passing thing human emotion is a passing thing human commodities are passing things lastly he talks about human pleasure and that's using the world in verse 31 that is is describing human pleasure worldly pleasure worldly pleasure some of us live for worldly pleasure live to have a good time live to do this and to do that and to travel here and to go here and we're so busy enjoying everything in this world that we can't be much use to god we talk so much about leisure and you know we all need to rest once in a while we talk about retirement we talk about we've got that we've got to get away and we want to see things and do things and enjoy our life is so short listen people i wonder whether the apostle paul really looked at life like that life is not ever to be for the christian a constant vacation it's not just to be worldly pleasure we are to spend ourselves on those things that are going to have eternal consequences i'd rather die at 40 and have used my life for god than lived a lady having done nothing i think it matters that we invest ourselves in god's kingdom and he's saying attached lightly to the preoccupation of the world well it's very difficult to divorce ourselves you know we're getting sold a bill of goods about go here and see this and see that and buy this vehicle so you can travel here and go here and do this and look at this wonderful new pleasure and this will make your life more comfortable and we get really wrapped up in that whole preoccupation with pleasure paul is emphasizing the passing things of life one of which is marriage and he says the fashion or the schema the external present state of things is in the process of passing away now notice what his conclusion is verse 31 don't abuse it what does he mean don't overdo your identification with the world use the world but don't use it to excess be married and and enjoy your marriage and love your wife and give yourself to one another and do all you can to make that marriage everything but don't let it get out of perspective so that all of a sudden it becomes everything and you're not any use to god and it's fine to be sympathetic paul says weep with those that weep in romans 12 15 and he says rejoice with those that rejoice rejoice always he says in philippians and it's fine to have all of these things but don't ever let them get beyond don't overdo it that's what he means abuse it because a new schema is coming a new world don't overvalue human relations don't overvalue emotion possession pleasure above its true worth listen to me marriage can be a distraction from spiritual reality sorrow can be a distraction from spiritual reality i've known some people so sorrowing so sad that they can't even enjoy the the experience of the holy spirit so can joy so can possessions so can pleasure listen the sons and daughters of the king should deal with marriage under the limitations of their relation to the king whatever he wills you should never pursue marriage outside the government of god and you should never abuse it so that it becomes the preoccupation concentrate on the eternal now what's paul saying this is easier to do when you're single it's easier when you're single why because you have not that potential sorrow of the death of somebody that you love in your family you have not that preoccupation with marital life and family life you have not that preoccupation with purchasing goods that everybody in your family wants you know one of the ways that satan tempts me to materialism is through everybody in my family uh dad i want this daddy can i have this honey why can't we get that and then i say it sometimes i say i think we ought to get and everybody's coming at it from all the commodities angle but it's very hard when you're married to not be encumbered by the kind of things that are temporal spend so much of your time in that listen if you have the gift of single is using praise god for it it's exciting wow if you have that gift stay single because of the pressure of the system it's a violent world it isn't easy to raise children in this world it isn't easy to have have a family to care for in this world it's going to get worse because of the problems of the flesh marriage is trouble and it's trouble you don't need if god has gifted you to be single and the world is passing anyway and marriage is simply a temporal passing relationship and if god hasn't necessarily called you to it there's no need for you to be married you can just sidestep that one temporal thing and have that much more devotion for the lord those are practical aren't they let's pray father we know that you've given us many with the the gift of singleness and yet we know lord that it isn't really singleness because they're complete with you they're really fulfilled and maybe much more so than some married people who are married and because of all the anxiety of that marriage unable to really experience the fulfillment that you intend for them i thank you for single people who have been able to give themselves wholly to you throughout the years of the of the kingdom on earth in the form that it's been faithful missionaries teachers workers who have that unusual gift to remain single devoted to you in a special way help us as parents lord to look first maybe for that area in the lives of our children and see if they have that gift if that's not the way that they should go and challenge them and encourage them to use it to fulfill the potential that is there lord i want to say thank you for one other thing and that is for the privilege of studying a scripture that hits us at every aspect of life and leaves us with instruction to cover every area thank you thank you father for knowing where the problems would come anticipating giving us your truth in jesus amen this is grace to you with john macarthur thanks for being with us for 54 years now john has been our featured speaker and the pastor of grace community church and his current study is helping you grasp the biblical guidelines for singleness and marriage now john back to what you said today about family and heaven you said there's no marriage in heaven i'd like you to respond to a related question from our q and a line this came from a listener named bobby and his concern is one i'm sure many people have yes my name's bobby and i would like to know if uh are you going to know your loved ones in heaven i want to know because i hear different things but i want to know will i know my wife who passed will i know her presence will i know who's who will i know my loved ones that's my question bobby thank you for that question and that's a very important question especially for you because you've lost the love of your life your life partner your wife and i understand that loss and i understand how important it is to have the hope of a reunion look the answer to the question is absolutely yes you will know your wife in heaven in fact the bible says you will know as you are known in other words you'll have the kind of comprehensive knowledge in some ways that the lord has of you look the lord doesn't miss any of the details of your life or the life of anybody else for that matter and when we get to heaven we're going to essentially step into a world where we have that kind of knowledge yes you will know your wife and you will have a relationship with her you'll also know everyone else who's in heaven you'll know them as if you had spent i suppose in a sense your entire life with them you're going to not only know them but you're going to have a joyful relationship with every single believer in the presence of god now we know people maintain their identity in heaven because you have at the transfiguration of jesus two people appearing with jesus with jesus moses and elijah and they were still moses and elijah enoch you remember back in genesis walked with god one day and just kept walking and walked right into heaven so you will be who you are perfected and you will know all who are there in that same kind of perfection there won't be any marriage won't be any giving in marriage won't be any of that but it'll be relationships infinitely more wonderful even than marriage right thank you john and friend to learn more about heaven maybe like bobby you wonder what heaven will be like and what you'll do there pick up john macarthur's book titled the glory of heaven you can order your copy today call us toll-free 855 grace or go to our website gty.org the glory of heaven could be especially encouraging if a believer in your family died recently see what the bible actually says about every christian's eternal home again to order the glory of heaven call 855 grace or log on to gty.org well thinking about the question we had a few moments ago from our q and a line just a reminder that if you'd like to ask john a question about the church or theology or really any biblical topic call our q and a line and leave your question you just might hear john answer it in an upcoming broadcast the q and a number is 661-295-6288 again that's 661-295-6288 you'll find that number also at our website gty.org and thank you for remembering to pray for john and for the staff that's really the most important way you can minister to us now for john macarthur and the staff this is phil johnson encouraging you to watch grace to you television this sunday do that with your family check our website for details and be here tomorrow for another 30 minutes of unleashing god's truth one verse at a time on grace to you