How I Found God Through My Abortion Journey (Part 2 of 2)

Today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, we're returning to a powerful story of a woman's journey of searching for love in all the wrong places, and then living with the tragic consequences of multiple abortions.

Now, this is an important conversation, and we need to have it, but it's not suited for younger children, so we do recommend you address their attention elsewhere. And this clip illustrates some of the challenges that our guest faces. This is where the Holy Spirit was with a little tiny baby just moving, wiggling, wiggling, and you see a deflated sack on the right side of the screen, and I had been carrying twins. She was younger for God, instilled in her by a loving grandmother, but she couldn't get off the path of chasing one bad relationship after another, and all of her risky behaviors that ultimately led to three abortions. But God never gave up on Cynthia like He never gives up on you or me, and His saving grace protected her from complete destruction and death many times over. And we're going to hear the amazing rest of the story today.

If you missed the conversation last time, get the CD, get the smartphone app. You can go right to Focus on the Family's website to listen to that. Yeah, and of course, we're also available on YouTube, and we did mention last time that Cynthia is an author, speaker, and pro-life advocate. She started Healed for Life Ministries, which supports women and their relationships, bringing help and hope to the post-abortive community.

And she's captured her story in the book Healed for Life, a story of redemption. And we have the link in the show notes, or call 800, the letter A, and the word family. Cynthia, welcome back to Focus on the Family.

It was a difficult listen yesterday. I mean, we went through the fact that your family struggled, your mom and dad were struggling when you were 12, 13, 14. You kind of wandered off, you became that prodigal daughter, right?

Yes. And it led to promiscuity, relationships, pregnancies at 15, and again, and again with a third pregnancy. We did end with the fact that your son Roman was a twin, and you had done an abortion at 29, and the one twin was taken. You didn't realize, and the doctor didn't realize there was another baby, and that baby you gave life to.

I mean, that's Roman, your son now, who is a fully grown man and married and has three children of his own. Let me ask you, really for that woman who maybe had those same kinds of struggles, just all the way, your relationship with the Lord. I mean, I accepted the Lord at 15, and I was in a broken home situation, and it took a while to understand what that meant to really give your life to the Lord. I was probably 21, 22 when it really, when the Spirit really got a hold of me, if I could put it that way. And there was bouncing around, so I totally relate to what you're saying. But describe your relationship with the Lord through your 20s, because you're still partying, being promiscuous, and God is still leaning into you, listening to you.

I think it's helpful for people to hear that conflict, because it's so real. It's like you're out Friday night, and you're going to church on Sunday. Lord, forgive me for what I just did. That's exactly what it is. And then you do it again the next weekend.

Yes. But kind of go through that, what God was saying to your heart and how you were getting straight in your soul. Yeah, you kind of have Jesus as your friend over here. But then you have, I don't think you're consciously going, well, I'm sitting on Friday, and I'm redeeming on Sunday. I think you're living life in the world. It's conflict.

It's not celebration. It's conflict. You're in the world, and you're not supposed to be of it. And you know you're not supposed to be of it, but you're in it.

And this is where, you know, counseling women, you can't deny the consequences, and you can't deny what she faces when she goes back out there. And so how do you reconcile the two? How do you become plumb with the truth of God and who He is? And so for me, I think God was so kind in my walk, it took a life change in the form of a baby surviving an abortion being that dramatic for me to go, God is real because there's no explanation for how Roman can survive the womb. And I was so far gone that He had to redeem me by having me recognize life and then choose it.

Well, in fact, I want to push the story forward in that regard because here you are. You're not married. You're a single parent mom.

Oh my goodness. On my own going through this. You do take Roman home, and now you begin to wrestle with the Lord, right? Like, Lord, I want a husband. I need a husband.

My son needs a husband. Yes. I could see that feistiness in you, the shaking of the fist. Like, God, you wouldn't have done this for this reason. Don't leave me hanging out here. Am I filling in the blanks adequately? You're nailing it.

But I mean, describe that now. You're in this struggle with the Lord for more. Lord, I'm trusting you. I said yes to Roman.

Now where's your yes? I was a little feisty because here I am still, you know, maybe puffing a cigarette now and again. And I remember saying, okay, I chose life.

And I remember with that sassiness saying, I'm ready for my tall dark handsome good Christian millionaire. And Lord, I'm asking that he's single, that he adores you, he loves you. But that he loves Roman first, and then he loves me because in my mind, I was tainted goods now. I was tainted goods. And I said, so I'm going to quit dating until you bring him to me. And I remember going back into my office and coming back out and going, and I'd like 3.4 carats or better on my ring because I'm 34 and you've made me wait.

Wow. I wouldn't pray that way today. But God in His grace brought me a man that didn't look anything like what I prayed for. And the Lord simply and gently said, he's taller than you. His hair used to be dark. My husband kind of looks like Richard Gere, silver hair, little eyes. He said he's handsome because he's my son. He's a good man.

And he adores me. Wow. And I truly believe that was a piece of God himself tossed down.

I don't recommend missionary dating. But when God brings in a healing agent in the form of a husband in a marriage, it is exponentially greater than you can think or imagine. You know, I'm thinking there's so many audience thoughts I'm trying to process right now. It's a lot. It's a big story. Well, that woman where she's where you were at, I mean, maybe she did say yes to keeping her child.

And God bless you for that. And she's now at that stage saying, Lord, where's my husband? Yeah. And, you know, you start laying out those fleeces and you start to describe what you want.

Yes. I mean, you know, that's all fair. Chris comes into your life. How did you talk about what has happened to you?

How did he respond? You had to be somewhat afraid about, will this man really love me if he really knows me? Absolutely. I mean, that's every human being.

Will she or he love me if he or she really knows me? Right. That's one of the core problems in marriage.

Right. We don't feel we can be that honest. So describe it for us. How did Chris and you talk about all that junk? The first eight years were terrible.

Okay, he'll not like appreciate that I said that. We had a good marriage, but he had a lot of hurdles to overcome with me because I was unredeemed at the time. I was living out all the demons in my life.

The insecurity and sexual behavior because I had only known it in ways that were not God-ordained. So coming into the intimacy of marriage, he was kind and loving and gentle and patient, long suffering and enduring and really helped me see when I would go, no, no, no. He would say a husband and a wife. This is and he would refer to scripture with love and gentleness. So we get to the eighth year of our marriage and he recognizes, oh, you're still broken up. He recognizes the trigger points were the abortions and the pain that entered in and the trauma, quite frankly.

And he was the one that recommended, hey, some of our spinning students that we work out with are on the board of the local pregnancy center. Why don't you go serve? And he's referencing John 15 now. Give your healing away because he was a worship leader. We're in the church now. I'm a worship leader's wife, hiding the pain, pushing aside the sin. And I go volunteer to live it out, hopefully make my joy complete. And of course, enter post-abortion healing where the real healing began. Well, this is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly and our guest today is Cynthia Wentz. What a powerful testimony she has. And she's captured so much of it in her memoir, Healed for Life, a Story of Redemption. And we'll encourage you to look for a copy of that online.

The link is in the show notes or call 1-800 the letter A in the word family. Let's move into how that kind of catapulted you into committing to the pro-life movement. I mean, you are the poster child for this movement in so many ways, right? I mean, people, a lot of people have incredible stories. You have like super duper incredible story here. And God's given you that testimony. It belongs to him. You have to live it out.

But it's his story. That's exactly right. And in that context, then what were your next steps? You raise Roman. You and Chris get things together. God's blessing you. You stay together. That right there is a blessing. Chris is in the audience.

I could see him. So it's happening. It's working. You're both smiling. How many years later? How long have you been married? Twenty. Twenty. So speak to getting engaged now in the pro-life movement.

What was that entry point and why? Go back to your pain. He recommended I go volunteer at the pregnancy center and give my joy away to make my joy complete. Meaning Chris.

My husband. Yeah. And I began serving. And the wise young 24-year-old executive director said, if you're post-abortive, you need to go through post-abortion healing. I did. I went in a very proud worship leader's wife. And about six weeks into the 10-week program broke. The Lord said, this is for you.

Wow. And I began to reconcile that first pregnancy. And then I went through it a second time as a volunteer and reconciled the second pregnancy. And then I went through post-abortion healing a third time. And that's where I was able to look in the mirror for the first time and see myself not as a shamed woman, but as a simple woman of God with some years on that is loved and treasured where God was present the whole way and grieving with me.

Yeah. And then I later went on to run the pregnancy center for five years. We took it from a, you know, just a time in 08 and 09 where the economy had fallen out. We had a negative budget and we went into a multimillion dollar budget.

We were just under two million as a pregnancy center with three locations. I think I'm smiling because I think it'd be hard to say no to you as a donor. Just imagine you come in, hey, can you have you have $10,000? Well, and give that eyeball stare. That's interesting.

Okay, you want 20? Yeah, because now as I go out and speak at pregnancy centers, the thing that I say is let me help you with your fundraising. Yeah.

Because the money is God's kingdom and it's easy to bring in for the right reasons and life is always the right reason. Oh, no kidding. I mean, this is such a right thing to support with everybody. Everybody.

And it's so good. Let me ask you with Roman. Roman's an adult. He's married.

He has children now. Have you ever sat down with him and talked about him being the survivor? So the Lord did that for me, because as I began running the pregnancy center, my story got out there. And you're thinking to yourself, how do I tell my kid I aborted you?

He's going to hate me. And so I was on the phone at my home counseling a woman who had just gone through a miscarriage. We were talking about reproductive grief and loss. And as I was counseling her and praying her and recommending the Christy Knochel song about, you know, I'll see you in heaven, it's a beautiful song, Glory Baby. And Roman overheard the whole thing. And he walked into my room.

He was eight years old at the time. And he began asking me questions. And I could just feel a gentle nudge in the spirit to just answer. I didn't have to say anything. Mom, did you, because I was telling her my story, did you, did I have a twin? Yes. Where is my twin?

In heaven. Did you want me? Roman, you're the best gift God has ever given me. And he went, okay. That was it.

Yeah. And then he began speaking on shows with me. And then he went, we went to the Capitol together and he wrote chapter 13 in my book.

And his birthday is May 13th. So in, in the divinity, now he's married and focused on family and children and he's, he's in his own swirl, but he embraces and appreciates the miraculous nature of the story. Looking at that, and that's one aspect of the book you talk about going to the state Capitol in Texas and testifying.

Describe all of that and the swirl of that as you describe it. I think the pregnancy center and the growth of it brought some attention to the story and the miraculous nature of it. One of the Right to Life groups called and said, hey, would you testify in the Capitol? I was like, oh, no, thank you. And that was that. And went into my prayer closet kneeling and I said, Lord, no, come on, we're saving lives.

So pregnancy center's enough. And I was like, I don't want to do this. And the Lord kind of had me turn my head and my shoe rack was in my closet and I saw a pair of red pumps. And it was just in that moment where I felt like the Lord said, because it's not about you, your history to your point is his story. And he said, you're walking on the blood of the lamb. I am the one telling the story.

And by Revelation 12, 11, by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimony, what God does is made known. And I said, oh, Lord, okay. And so I packed up my red heels, which I'm wearing today, and went to the state Capitol. Said, Roman, you want to get out of school and come with mom? Yeah, the answer's yes. Well, absolutely.

Get out of school. And in my mind at that time, I wasn't thinking he would walk up with me. I just thought, let's go respect our state officials. Let's go see the Capitol in action. And so we drove down and you wait hours in the House of Representatives and Cynthia Wentz come forward. And I said, you know, sir, may I bring my son with me? Because Roman had leaned over and said, can I go up with you? And I said, pray about it. And he got a yes. And we went up and I gripped my hands on that podium because in my insecurity at the time, I thought, I don't want to be too dramatic.

I want to be heard and I want to be received as a serious, intentional woman. So I gripped onto that podium, put those hands down, and I held on and I stood like this. Gentlemen, what we didn't get, what was inside of me was my son.

And he just made the JV water polo team at his high school. And he was swimming then and he's swimming now. And I had a right to know what was inside of me, regardless of the choice I would make. I had a right to be informed.

If I was making a choice, I had a right to all of the information. And Roman put his arm around me. And in that moment, the House leader comes up over that chair. We're in Texas, right? He says, son, that's the best thing I've seen all day.

The House erupts with applause and everybody's clapping and Roman pulls back his shoulders. And I'm, you know, grabbing my chest. And the sonogram bill passed in the state of Texas that it was required before abortion. And we got to be part of the annals of history in Texas.

You know, it's so amazing in that regard. That's our option ultrasound. What we have seen when we and that's placing ultrasound equipment and pregnancy resource centers and then additional trainings that we do to help train them to use the equipment, etc. But a majority of women will. And these are abortion minded women will choose life when they get the counseling and the picture. To your point, when they can see the ultrasound, it makes this huge difference because it's not a blob of tissue. It's a baby.

You can see the arms, the legs, the fingers. And, you know, we're always demonized. I've been in those debates.

I've been called all kinds of things. And it's not true. But at the same time, I have compassion for them, too. They are blind people.

Chuck Colson once told me, you don't get mad at a blind person who steps on your foot. These people in the abortion industry. I mean, think about it. If they knew what they were doing from God's perspective, I don't believe they do it. They just don't see it. They're spiritually blind. And that's what we're trying to do is open their hearts up to the fact that these are human beings. These are babies.

Yes. And we need to help them. And I'm so grateful for what you have done throughout your life. I mean, all the turmoil, all of the pain. And now you're sitting here at Focus on the Family and talking about Roman and your son and helping other women.

And I think this might be a good place to go. Cynthia, again, I'm just I can't get away from women that haven't gone through the healing process that you've gone through in abortion. Let's be honest. It happens in the church.

Oh, yes. And women are holding that and they feel guilty and they haven't really reconciled where they're at with God. They still carry a lot of shame and guilt. Speak to her right now at the end. What would you say to her if you were counseling her? You called me a poster child. There's 26 post-abortive symptoms that a woman is challenged by.

I was the poster child of all 26. In the Book of Romans, we can exchange the lies she's believing for truth, liberated to loved. And I would say take the journey through the Book of Romans.

Go back and redeem the lie. Bring it into truth. It is a journey.

It does require help. God will gently peel back like he did with me, the artichoke of healing. I'll be a part of that. My goal to raise the post-abortive voice, the one healed and the one healing. I've toyed with the idea of the ministry being called poster child.

I think we'll stick with liberated to love because there's hope. Yeah. Cynthia, a couple of occasions I've met people in the abortion industry. We had incredibly frank discussions. And I promised I would keep those confidential. But there is some regret that I could hear in them, if I could say it that way. That there was a sense that there are better options. And it doesn't make our day to do what we do. But we do believe it should be a woman's right to choose. And all those typical statements. You have a powerful story of a woman who was vehemently defending her right to an abortion.

Describe that discussion and how it went. You know, there's days I want to stand up and say, God is pro-choice. Stay with me.

I'm with you. Deuteronomy 30, 19. Today I sit before you, life and death, but choose life. We're not God's puppets. He gives us choice. So when we make those choices, with choice comes consequence. I am a mother to three children that live in heaven. The consequence of their lives being lost doesn't go away.

I don't get to see them until I get there. The woman in the state capitol, this is the compassion God deposits in us, vehemently defended a child she waited forever to have. At 16 weeks, she got a spina bifida diagnosis. As I was testifying in the capitol, she was testifying in the capitol. She was in hysterics. And as I looked at her, I sat back and I thought, God, I just want to have a conversation with her and say, I don't want to fix her. I don't want to tell her she's wrong. I don't want to scold her. I don't want to shame her.

I want to say, I understand what that feels like. I am so sorry for your loss. And I wonder, and this is the question, because we're no longer in a day and age where I am pro-life or pro-choice. We're past that. What are her circumstances and how can we make abortion unthinkable so that life is the obvious and only choice? And it's going to come through the poster child of redemption, the poster child of family, transparency, truth. And the willingness to journey through that truth. I wonder if she is so stuck in the pain, she's never unpacked the what, the what ifs.

And has never had anyone journey with her in love to get to that place where she can lay that child to rest. Because you have to defend what you think is right because the second you realize you took the life of a 16-week child out of your womb. Then you have to realize you've taken life. Right. And that's unbearable.

So what happens? You vehemently defend what you did. Yeah. And the truth of it is God's heart is for her. For her. Not against her. Not against her.

Yeah. You don't have to say, I've had an abortion but God's forgiven me. And tuck it away. You have an abortion and God wholly restores and fully redeems that moment in time. What is the truth of where that child is now? Who am I as a woman?

What are the labels I'm wearing? How can I be fully present, fully transparent in the truth and retell the story but not relive it? And it's God's wholeness, God's wellness. I don't know how a woman redeems and reconciles an abortion without God.

Yeah. That's so true. Cynthia, I want to choose these words really carefully. This has been painfully good.

I think you would totally relate to that. And I hope the listeners catch it. This isn't about relishing promiscuity or that life you were in. It's really rejoicing in what God has done for you and what God is there to do for each one of us. Whatever that pool of pain is, that he's for us.

And he just wants us to lean into him, to accept him. And then that wonderful truth has worked out in our life. And again, you're such a great example. Thank you for sharing and thanks for being with us. My pleasure. Thank you.

Let me turn to the listener. I hope that you have been impacted these last couple of days. Cynthia's story is an amazing story. And here at Focus, we are getting up every day working in this pro-life space. There's so many wonderful pregnancy resource centers around the country. First, I want to encourage you to go volunteer. Cynthia used to be in charge of one. Wouldn't that be awesome if you had a hundred volunteers show up?

Yes. Saying, how can we help? And then support the local pregnancy resource center near you. And Focus, we're doing our part. We, again, are trying to equip these clinics to be able to do those ultrasounds so these abortion-minded women can see their baby, get the counseling they need, and choose life.

And I hope you can participate with us. You know the metrics, Cynthia, and you know this working in the clinic world. For us now, doing this over 16, 17 years, we've gotten it down to $60 to save a baby's life. It's $600 to do the abortion.

And I hope the Lord is challenging you. Can you help us? A one-time gift of $60 or every month. Save a baby's life with $60. I mean, it is working.

And we're nearing a half a million babies saved in the Option Ultrasound Program. Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Lord. And to Him, all the glory goes.

Yes. But I can't beg or plead any more than this. Do you want to do something for the Kingdom and for those women and men that are struggling in this specific area? Support Focus and support the testimonies of the Cynthia's that you haven't heard from that you will touch. This is your opportunity to do ministry through Focus on the Family. Partner with us. Make your donation today. Our number is 800, the letter A in the word family.

Or stop by the episode notes for the link. And when you make a donation of any amount, we'd be pleased to send a copy of Cynthia's incredible book, Healed for Life, a story of redemption. Well, have a great weekend with your family and your church family as well. And please join us again on Monday for a look at how to navigate expectations in your marriage. Often couples stop expressing their expectations that they so much desire and requesting different things, expectations from their spouse, and they forget it's all about the big E. On behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ. I love that! Find out more. Go to FocusPlannedGiving.com. That's FocusPlannedGiving.com.