Gossip And Hateful Words, Part 1

Today on Fellowship in the Word, Pastor Bill Gebhardt challenges you to become a fully functioning follower of Jesus Christ. That's exactly what happens when you hear somebody giving you gossip. Oh, I love that. You see, God says, I hate that, but we say, I love that. We savor those words. Do you ever wonder why? Why do we love to hear that kind of thing? There's really only a couple of reasons. One of them would be, don't you just love it when other people are knocked down a pig or two?

You see, they're kind of knocked down, and you get an idea, well, I kind of always thought they weren't quite as good as everybody said they were. You see, I get that. And on the other hand, by the way, related to that, another reason we like gossip, it sort of builds us up. Hey look, I may not be perfect, but I never did that.

You know, I wouldn't do that, so I feel better about myself. Thank you for joining us today on this edition of Fellowship in the Word with Pastor Bill Gebhardt. Fellowship in the Word is the radio ministry of Fellowship Bible Church, located in Metairie, Louisiana.

Let's join Pastor Bill Gebhardt now, as once again he shows us how God's Word meets our world. Robinson Cano, great Yankee second baseman, came into the league in 2005. All-star player, just a tremendous, tremendous player for the Yankees, and surprised almost everybody in 2013.

Robinson Cano decided he wouldn't sign a contract with the New York Yankees and signed a 10-year, $240 million deal with the Seattle Mariners. So following that, that was in December of 2013, following that, Jimmy Fallon, on his show, The Tonight Show, decided what he would do for New Yorkers is he got a gigantic picture of Robinson Cano, and then he asked people and interviewed them to be able to say to Cano what they think of him. And so they did. And they called him names. They voiced their displeasure in all kinds of different ways.

Many made very rude comments about him. Now, what they didn't know is Robinson Cano was standing right behind the picture. OK, and then he came out to each one and met them.

And in every case, as soon as the person saw Robinson Cano, they changed completely. In fact, they were all embarrassed about what they had said. They apologized profusely to him.

They told him what an honor it was to meet him. And it proved a point. People often don't have the courage to say something to someone's face. But they'll say all kinds of things if they don't believe that person is there.

That's one of the unique challenges of being a believer or Christian right now. And that is because of the Internet. We have an ability with 140 characters or less to say all kinds of things about all kinds of people in a completely anonymous, not in your face kind of way.

In fact, we're very capable of giving hurtful words as well as gossip. Who would have thought several years ago that you would have ever heard the term cyber bullying? Now, I knew what a bully was.

It was usually on the play yard. You know, that's a bully. But cyber bullying, the consequences of it have been enormous. There was a story that ran on YouTube and it was called the Amanda Todd story. And this was a junior high girl that other people, apparently mostly girls, decided to say things anonymously about and began to tear her to pieces. And so she eventually ran a story up on YouTube about her struggles, about her thoughts of suicide, about self harm she started to do to herself. She had 19 million viewers as a junior high girl. And the last thing she ever said on YouTube was, I have nobody.

I need someone. And my name is Amanda Todd. And within 30 days, she committed suicide. It's a problem of our times. We can gossip and use hurtful words without anyone even knowing who we are.

If you think about it in our country, no other group of believers have ever faced this. Gossip is big business in America. I mean, there are magazines that are magazines only for gossip. There are television shows that are only shows about gossip.

That's all there are. There are talk shows, some called the talk, and all it is, is the talk about gossip. We see this over and over again in our culture. The problem with it is we become pretty much immune to it in that sense. And what often happens is we begin to be part of that narrative.

We begin to talk in the same way. We don't see anything wrong with gossiping about people. We don't see anything really wrong about using hurtful words when we're describing somebody. But I can tell you this. From our point of view, it's very different than God's. You see, I think it's one of the most pervasive sins we have as a congregation. I'm not afraid to say it, but I imagine we're a whole congregation of gossipers. And we would view that as that doesn't really matter much because it's a very small thing. But that's not the case.

That's not true at all. Rick Warren says that gossip is when we are talking about someone and we are not part of the problem nor part of the solution. We're likely gossiping. Webster says it's a rumor or report of an intimate nature. The Bible often calls gossipers, and I love this, whisperers, the kind of person that brings their voice down and then wants to tell you something about somebody else.

The definition I like is it's sharing information which damages another person's reputation with those who do not need to know. Let's see what God says about this. Go with me to Proverbs chapter six, Proverbs chapter six and verse 16. It's extremely insightful, these four verses. In verse 16, the writer starts out and says, there are six things which the Lord hates. Now, that's an unusual situation to see in the scripture. You don't find a lot of passages where God says, I hate that.

But this is one of them. There are six things that the Lord hates. Yes, seven, which are an abomination to him. So God says, look, there are seven things I just hate. The irony of this is you, if you never read this passage before, would think, well, I know what those are because he's going to hate the kind of sins that I hate. And you know the kind of sins you hate.

You really believe that the worst kind of sins are the kind you wouldn't commit. You see that? You see how that works?

You would never do that. Notice what he starts out with. He says, the first thing I hate are haughty eyes.

I just love that. You know what haughty eyes are. Look at me.

And don't you wish you were me? From God's point of view, it's amazing that man could be proud when you think of the despicable nature. But all of us know people with haughty eyes. We understand that. He says haughty eyes. Then he says a lying tongue. He said hands that shed innocent blood. We agree with that. A heart that devises evil plans.

I get it. Feet that run rapidly to evil. That makes sense. And then he says a false witness who utters lies. And then he says and one who spreads strife among brothers.

Some of the modern paraphrases take that latter part of verse 19 and simply say one who gossips. There are seven things listed and three of them are about your tongue. Three of the seven are about the way you talk.

The things that you do. You lie, you bear false witness, and you sow strife among concerning other people. He says, God says, I hate that. God says, I hate gossip. If there's one thing I hate, I hate it. Oddly enough, there's something sickeningly attractive about it, isn't it? See, God hates it, but let's be honest.

We love it. You love to hear that information, don't you? If you're not a lover to want to dispense it, you're a lover to want to hear it. Oh, I'd love to hear that.

I'd like to hear about how bad something's going for somebody else. You see, that's an amazing thing from God's point of view. I'll show you what God thinks about it. Look at Proverbs 18 and verse 8. Proverbs 18 and verse 8. I love this passage. The writer says this, the words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels, and they go down into the innermost parts of the body. The words of a whisperer are like dainty morsels. You know what that's like, like caviar.

For some of you people, like crawfish tails, okay, or oysters. You know, some dainty, oh, oh, that tastes so good. That's exactly what happens when you hear somebody giving you gossip. Oh, I love that. You see, God says I hate that, but we say I love that.

We savor those words. Do you ever wonder why? Why do we love to hear that kind of thing? There's really only a couple reasons. One of them would be, don't you just love it when other people are knocked down a peg or two.

You see, they're kind of knocked down, and you get an idea, well, I kind of always thought they weren't quite as good as everybody said they were. You see, I get that. And then on the other hand, by the way, related to that, another reason we like gossip, it sort of builds us up. Hey, look, I may not be perfect, but I never did that.

You know, I wouldn't do that, so I feel better about myself. He says we savor it, that's the way we like it, but these words can do incredible harm. Look at Proverbs 16 with me, just a few pages to your left, Proverbs 16 and verse 27. He says, a worthless man digs up evil while his words are like a scorching fire. A perverse man spreads strife, and a slanderer separates intimate friends. That's the power of the words.

That's what they can accomplish. Notice what God says about people who like to gossip or use hateful words. He said they're worthless. He said they're perverse. Would you ever use those terms, worthless and perverse? Now, you know who the worthless and the perverse people are. They're those people out there doing those despicable things. But God says, no, gossip is despicable to me.

It's extremely hurtful. He said that's what's going on here. He said a slanderer separates intimate friends. You can't get them back, too, once you write them or once you say them. Now, I know what you might be saying is that, well, but, you know, pastor, I don't really do that kind of stuff. You don't say those terrible things. No, you don't.

Probably not. Christians are very good at couching it. In other words, now, they don't fool God, but they fool themselves, and that makes them feel better. So Christians say things sort of like this. You know, she's always someone I admired, but after what she did last week, you see.

I mean, I told you I admired her. Now, Christians who really thought it through, we turn gossip into often, and this is sad to say, prayer request. That's how we operate.

We do things like this. We say, please be in prayer for Megan. She's doing things with her boyfriend that she shouldn't be doing. It's just gossip.

Bob stays away from the woman in accounting that he's been flirting with. It's just a prayer request. No, prayer is great, but you do realize God already knows the situation. You say, I could just say, pray for Bob. God knows exactly what's going on.

No, no, I need to know. I want to know what he's struggling with so that I can pray in a different way, not the way. You see, God sees it in a very different way. What is God's standard? Go with me to the New Testament to Ephesians chapter 4. Ephesians chapter 4 and verse 29. And God says, look, let me tell you what I think your speech should be like. And that way, if you talk that way, you'll be fine with me. But I want to tell you right up front, he says, I hate gossip.

I hate it. So in Ephesians 4, 29, the Apostle Paul is writing to the Church of Ephesus. And I love the beginning of this. He says, let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth. This is one of the first verses, by the way, after I was saved that I remember highlighting in my Bible. It was in King James version then, but it was let no unkind word come from your mouth. And I can remember, what a standard. That's an incredibly high standard.

And once I ended up studying Greek and understood it's an imperative mood, I understood it was a commandment. Look, let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth. Wow. See, I think what we often say is, OK, I'll try to do that. But, you know, often what I'm telling people is true. That's not good enough.

You could be telling the truth and still gossiping. You understand that. Notice the standard that God puts on it. Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word that is good for edification according to the need of the moment so that it will give grace to those who hear.

That's a whole different standard. You see, are these words edifying? Do these words allow grace to the other people? You see, whatever my situation is, this is what God says, but only. In other words, God says, look, one of the most important things you have to learn when you're trying to control your tongue is you have to learn the principle of restraint. There are some things you just shouldn't say. There are some things you just shouldn't talk about. You see, that's what God is saying. There are some times when you need to use restraint. Go with me back now to Proverbs 11. Let me illustrate this. Proverbs 11 and verse 12. The first part of verse 12 says this. He who despises his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding keeps silent. Then the next verse. He who goes about as a tail bearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals a matter. What is he saying? Use restraint.

You need to use restraint. Just because something's true doesn't mean you need to go out and broadcast it to everybody. If those people aren't part of the problem or part of the solution, what are you doing? Well, it's true. I just want people to know what the truth is. No, that's not what you want.

You want to tear somebody down. And notice what he says. He's quite clear on it. He who goes about as a tail bearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy conceals a matter.

It's a matter of really the question is whether they need to know or not. And by the way, it can certainly have an effect on you with others whether you realize it or not. Go with me to Proverbs 25 and verse 9. Proverbs 25 and verse 9. And in these two verses, notice what the writer will say.

Here the writer says, Argue your case with your neighbor. He says, and do not reveal the secret of another. Talk to people straight up, but don't reveal the secret of another. He says, or he who hears it will reproach you, and the evil report about you will not pass away. He says, you will destroy your own reputation with other people when you reveal secrets. You see, that's what will end up happening.

And by the way, think about it from a logical point of view. If someone gossips to you, I am certain they will gossip about you. You see, if they're telling other stories to you, they're going to tell your stories to others. That's the way in which this works. So you have to be extremely careful here.

Not just on the giving end, but here on the receiving end. So I'd like to just go through a list of questions. In fact, five questions before you listen to someone else telling you information about people. The first question is this, what is your reason for telling me? Why are they telling you? You see, you ever ask that, why are you telling me this? You see, I can't fix it. It's not part of my problem.

I'm not part of the solution. Why are you telling me this? The second question is this, where did you get the information from? You see, where did you get the... Now, I know some of you say, well, I saw it on the internet and everything on the internet's true. You know, they can't put it on there unless it's true.

Or I saw a newscast and those people always tell you the truth. Now, where did you get the information? I love the apostle Paul when it comes to this. He was writing his letter to the Corinthians and he said, I have been informed, my brethren, by Chloe's people that there's quarrels among you. Paul's not in Corinth. He said, I understand there's quarrels among you and I was told that by Chloe's people who are in the church.

So I got my information from people in the church. He names who they are. Often when people gossip, they don't name at all. Well, somebody told me.

I'm always amazed at that. Somebody just told me. I couldn't reveal the information. I couldn't tell you who they were. But you can tell me the information, but you can't tell me who the people were that told you.

Where do you get the information? Number three, have you gone directly to those involved? Do you ever ask someone that, wait, have you talked to her about this? Have you talked to him about this? Have you gone directly? Now, inevitably, the answer, of course, is what?

No, no, no. Matthew 18 says, though, that if there's somebody involved in something like sin, you go there and you talk to them and if they won't listen to you, you get another person and two of you go and talk and if they don't listen, you end up bringing it to the whole church and if they don't listen, you treat them as an infidel. But the point of it is you've got to go to the source. So have you been to them? Have you talked to her about this? Did you talk to him about this?

Inevitably, the answer is always the same, no. I just wanted to spread the information. And then number four, have you personally checked out the facts?

Did you check out all these facts or are you just simply relaying what you heard? Proverbs 18, 17 says that the first to present his case, that seems right until another person comes forward and questions him. Let me say it this way. My wife gave me this information. It's a quote from Dr. Phil and I love this. You've used it a lot. Dr. Phil says, no matter how thin the pancake is, it still has two sides. You see, have you heard the other side? See, did you hear the other side?

Well, no. I haven't heard the other side. He says, look, that's what we're talking about here. In that case, he said, look, you have to understand, if I check these facts out for myself, it always seems right when you hear it the first time from one person. Well, that's something I've learned over all the years in marriage counseling. That's why I try to counsel couples only together because if you counsel one of them in the beginning, you end up prejudiced. It's inevitable, and very early on in the ministry, I can remember I would counsel with one of the people involved for, say, a couple of sessions. Boy, I actually had in my mind the image that this person, when they come in, is going to have horns and they're going to have big teeth that hang out and they're going to be horrible people and just as vulgar, just horrible.

Then they come in my office, they're delightful. Oh, and by the way, when we started talking about all the problems, I realized, wait a minute, what I was told before isn't true. You see, there's something else.

You know what happens in the context of that type of counseling? You're prejudiced. That's the beauty.

Think of this. Every conflict you've ever had in marriage, you're prejudiced. You like your side. That's why you're in conflict. You see your side. So that's a very important part.

You have to check out the facts. And then the last question I think you can always answer is this one. Can you say to the person, can I quote you after I check this out?

Inevitably, what do you get? Oh, no, no, no, no. Don't quote me. Well, you're the one that told me. You should be quoted.

You see, those are the questions. What is the reason for you telling me this? Where did you get your information? Have you gone directly to those involved?

Have you personally checked out the facts? And can I quote you when this is over? Thank you. Support for our ministry can be sent to Fellowship in the Word, 4600 Clearview Parkway, Metairie, Louisiana 7006. If you would be interested in hearing today's message in its original format, that is as a sermon that Pastor Bill delivered during a Sunday morning service at Fellowship Bible Church, then you should visit our website, fbcnola.org. That's F-B-C-N-O-L-A dot O-R-G. At our website you will find hundreds of Pastor Bill's sermons. You can browse through our sermon archives to find the sermon series you are looking for, or you can search by title. Once you find a message you are looking for, you can listen online, or if you prefer, you can download the sermon and listen at your own convenience. And remember, you can do all this absolutely free of charge. Once again, our website is fbcnola.org. For Pastor Bill Gebhardt, I'm Jason Gebhardt, thanking you for listening to Fellowship in the Word.