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July 27, 2020 9:00 pm
There are magical, special feelings that come with being a grandparent. The fun of learning what your grandchildren will call you (papa, mimi, "G-daddy"). Inviting your grandkids for sleepovers. Reading books slowly and not skipping words like you did as a young parent. Connecting with each grandchild uniquely, and leaving a spiritual legacy for when you are gone. Mary Larmoyeux, author of the book "One-of-a-Kind Grandparent Connection," explains the lasting value of grandparents.
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You probably seen the bumper sticker that says if I'd known grandchildren to be this great item have been forced very laborious as she agrees. There's nothing like being a grandparent.
People tell you that you don't know it until you see that first grandbaby. Anyhow, that grandchild in the NEC your legacy going on. There's no way to explain it is just happens is just a God given emotion when he held a green maybe that you will never be the same. This is family life today.
Our hosts are David and Wilson on Bob Payne. There is a lot of sentiment attached to being a grandparent, but there's a lot of work involved to talk today about our assignment to be more intentional as grandparents stay with us and welcome to family life today. Thanks for joining us do have special memories of grandparents who came to visit you or who live nearby. What what you remember my grandmother Faye called her Nana. Jan is named after Cisse boiled me every school year at the beginning of the school year she would take me shopping and we were tight on money that my grandmother would let me pick out a special school outfit for the year and she would buy all the accessories with it and I just thought it was the best day of the year for me sometimes better than Christmas because all the attention was on me and I have so many memories of her.
I remember thinking, just like her, only more so than even my mom because I had a connection with her that was very unique maybe because I was named after her, but she still is one of just my most fond memories and one of my most favorite people in the whole world about you and grandparent memories that stand of what I did know my dad's parents met him one time and I don't remember but you know my mom's parents probably were the rock. When I went to the divorce when I was seven and my little brother died when I was a remember going to Hallie and Leland's house under what I call, I don't know what I call them but I die just as I think about walking in their back door. I feel loved. I feel safe I feel joy and feel that for many places in my life that time so they were the source of wax. My grandfather was very strict and I wouldn't say some of the words I can remember who said what his wife, my grandmother just she was a lover of me and made me believe in myself. So as it was a comforting space in the world about you that I remember Mary and I were talking about this the other day when my grandparents would drive down at Christmas time from Flint, Michigan to St. Louis where we lived and I out I was looking forward to two things.
One is they would always bring Boehner's Royal Gov. steel in the trunk of the car and it will.
I was little disappointed because all it would bring was a case of burgers I wanted like multiple cases the burners they just brought one case, I thought, this is only 24 bottles.
This will last me while you know you really haven't changed. The other thing I remember is that I knew at some point over the time that they were there.
Grandma cross would spend the night with me. She would sleep in my bed with me and Marianne said, why did that matter to you, and I said I don't know why I thought that was special to have grandma sleep with you at night. I do know today that she wasn't looking forward to that as much as I was that for her it was a sacrifice to spend the night with Bobby in bed, but for whatever reason it was discomforting to have grandma there with me all night long and your little boy yeah right. I look forward to that. Were talking about the power and the importance of grandparents this week on family like today Mary Lou Moya is joining us. Welcome back, Mary.
Thinking it's going to be here. Mary was a long time member of our team here at family life. Well, one of the first people I met when I came here and she served for 26 years, both as an administrative assistant and then as a writer was part of our our content team. Many articles still firstname.lastname@example.org that Mary authored.
She has since graduated to a more significant role.
She is now a grandmother and actively involved as a grandmother with how many grandkids for you. We have some who live nearby. Some who live far away and and you see this as a significant part of your life assignment you're not retired, you've taken on a new job actually was grandparent when I work because I want to family life so that second child. It's it's really that the primary winding. 11 the Lord and and passing your faith in your beliefs down to the next generation you got more time and capacity to be able to do it today than you were working here.
Yes I did have more capacity now in Mary's written a book called one-of-a-kind grandparent connection that really takes us into your experience as a grandparent, but your coaching the rest of us and saying this is a divine assignment for you. If you have grandkids. God's got a purpose for you righteousness far as it's a divine assignment for your children. Same thing with your grandchildren. What's the one-of-a-kind in each grandchild and each person is a unique connection that you had that with that line grandchild because if you have more than one grandchild again.
When one child. They're different and that's the same thing with your grandkids how they are all different so it's trying to find how to really connect and link with that grandchild and then building a legacy with your grandchild. It's I was thinking about that coming in here but a legacy is something of value that you leave and so really what you wanting to do this. What do I want to leave with this grandchild. What is the inheritance I want to give them to actually get do it together in a way that they live nearby are far away. Some people don't have a relationship with their grandkids is very sad that I have no relationship but they still can build that legacy because I still can write that grandchild letters they still can give them that history of family and I nearly missed this book there's some stories of people like that where people discovered grandparents had been praying for them and they never ever met the grandparent and yet that person made a humongous impact on your life.
Part of that legacy are talking about is the legacy of who we are as a family night. What's our family heritage and history and how do we see God's hand in the midst of that but you are the connector for your grandkids. I remember Al Mohler in the art of parenting made the statement. He said you are someone's ancestors people.
You will never meet. You are their ancestors and you're able to connect your grandkids with what's been true about the Lamoille family for generations and help them feel connected to something bigger than just their nuclear family right and give them a sense of Paul's family.
Even if he had pieces of furniture and this was great great grandmother who hammers to help them had that since that family. My grandmother grandma cross she and grandpa cross got married in Colorado. They were farming out in Colorado when they met and married, and grandma cross used to tell me stories about uncle Billy, who was a sheriff and was short and so we had to be tough and Hollywood kicked people and how he gouged out eyes because that was the only way that he could hold his own out of the while I had this this picture of again the heritage of my family and the colorful characters that had been a part of it that I loved those stories and wanted to hear about him every time grandma cross into me or you talk about the importance of personal stories and as I read and I resonated because I can't. I wish I would've found out and asked more questions to my grandparents about their parents but you talk about actually writing your stories right writing and honestly I think most of us are like that that I think about my grandparents in the things I (a site I cannot believe they think entering the second world war, the depression, all these things was like he did that and never thought much about it until they're gone and I'm older so I think far grandkids. We need to think about what we are leaving Terry now, if you can get their interest. If they're older and then ask you some questions and intervene. You can even have them write down some of the family history that I don't think their thinking that way now. Just like we didn't but it'll come my daughter.
My oldest daughter grabbed the video camera before my mom passed away and she spent a morning with my mom interviewing her and getting her on video to talk about what what what was it like in the depression. When did you hear about the bombing of Pearl Harbor. What was it like going through World War II or have grandkids were to say, tell us about 9/11 and all this stuff is gonna be a part of that. The heritage that our kids are to want to know what the family perspective on maybe years ago, maybe as a year ago I was cleaning out some stuff in my office at home and I find a letter from my dad to me, probably early when we were married. So 40 some years ago and again this is a grim purposes. My dad and I'd never seen it. His handwriting, and I can't tell you how emotional it was to read something he had intentionally written to me. I me. I didn't even know this.
He said I remember I was 15, 16 years old I looked up in the sky in Ohio and Saul Charles Lindbergh flyover and I decided right then and there I will be a pilot, and he was an airline pilot. I did know that that's never told me that, or maybe had a dozen, and then there was, he had taken the time to write it.
And you're right it's like we need to write the sinks maybe 40 years later, I put some data generated and is and I have an impact for the legacy by right tell me this you write about a little bit in the book about the stories of your faith. How do you transfer that down well at the stories of your faith. You can write what happened. I know I've written down. How I became a Christian. My husband did that to one Easter weep.
We both went into detail about it that we signed as letters because the kids were too little and we didn't think it was time for them to get that letter and just gave them general letter about the meaning of Easter in Christ rising from the dead, and just our salvation gets just in our day-to-day life with what's going on. It's looking at a beautiful sunrise or sunset and how God has created it. It's cheering a challenger going through my list some of the older grandkids. It's asking them to praying advance older ones. All of them texted and said you please be praying now and I pray let them know how dependent you on God that he really is in your life. It's not just a go to church on Sunday. Check out the box that faith is vibrant and alive, and that's what I want our grandkids to not want to read to you. Eight verses from Psalm 78 as this is what comes to mind to me. When you're talking about this. This almost this is a self so that not David Asa broke the Psalm. He said give it your all my people to my teaching. Incline your ears to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in a parable. I will utter dark sayings from of old things that we have heard and known that our fathers have told us we will not hide them from their children. That's interesting we will not hide them from their children, but tell them to the coming generation. You see this whole transference their fathers and children that their children and what are they telling the glorious deeds of the Lord and his might, and the wonders that he has done you pause there and you look at that verse passing on the glorious deeds of the Lord in his might, and the wonders that he's done. I think part of that means you share the scriptures with your grandkids, bring them Bible stories you tell them about what God did with Joseph and what he did with Abraham and what he did with Moses and Daniel and Jesus you tell most things, but you also tell him the glorious deeds of the Lord in his might. In your life and in the life of your family. It's not just what God used to do in the olden days since what God still doing in our life today goes on to say he established a testimony and Jacob appointed a law in Israel what you commanded to our fathers to teach their children that the next generation might know the children yet unborn horizon.
Tell them to their children so that they should set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God would keep his commandments.
And then there's this that they should not be like their father so stubborn and rebellious generation a generation whose heart was not steadfast whose spirit was not faithful to God. We talked many times before about the great joy there is, as parents when your kids are walking in the truth of the parallel part of that is there's great grief has parents when your kids are walking in the truth, but part of the way that we are faithful to to see our children walking in the truth is to follow the instructional Psalm 78, and pass on the truth about who God is, from his word with the truth about who God is in your own story and in your own life and you have to wondered your grandkids are they old enough to know your testimony will be ever told your testimony or view shared with them what God's been doing in your life recently. This is a part of what were called to do yet. I mean when you say that when you read that I'm in a passage Psalm 78 is meant a lot to me is I had decided when we got married and became a dad to change a legacy because the legacy was alcohol and adultery and divorce. That's like okay can the Wilson name be changed then it is interesting we mentioned this here before, but as you think about the 10 Commandments were God says you know the sins of the father, which he just sorta headed at Wolf visit down the third and fourth generation lot of people don't know what he said next right there in Exodus 20, he says, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments. So we all always think you know if I mess up it's gonna affect my family line, but he also says that if you're righteous and you obey, then just factory for generations thousand generations, which made me think of a song plentifully something. This song is very popular right now.
I think written by Carrie Joe. I'm not sure that I know she sings it, but there's a bridge that is the first time I heard it.
I really teared up because of I think I was referring think about my own life and the opportunity to change our legacy and isn't she really reflecting right from a Exodus 20 goes in his fave we have on the house generations and your family and your children and that you will sign all around you mean go you see me is such a beautiful reminder.
That's why teared up. It's like he's favorably upon you and your family and your kids.
And then whatever the first time ever, and their kids and their children is like oh my goodness, what an opportunity God has given us his grandparents to impact generation after generation and Mary your book is helping us do that just is such a beautiful testament to the legacy got his call is on a leaf and hopeful team because I look at your legacy Dave and there are so many hard things in and yet I watched you as a dad with our kids in.
It's amazing to see God transform something and I think it's important to even talk about like for me with your family. Dave's mom was an amazing woman that she also had an alcohol problem and so talking to my kids like what to say or what not to say and so I think it's important for us as appearance how we relay our opinion of their grandparents onto them is very important not to hurt not to slander their name not to bring out all the junk and if you're hurt by your own parents, it can be very easy to do that because Dave needn't have the best of legacies. In some ways that you still never talk negatively about your parents. I think my kids loved my mom and dad and yet we also had some boundaries around situations talk about that Mary. How can we as parents.
How can we help that connection with their parents or the kids grandparents when I think they can encourage their parents.
I as far as telling them how important it is for them to connect with their kids how they want them today that they want them to share about their past as far as their family and face and things like that. If there isn't a negative situation like that.
I've always thought you need to honor your grandparents and honor their names now when they reach a certain age.
The kids are older, you might want to tell them some of the strengths and some of the weaknesses of a grandparent just to let them know the reality of life. The reality of situations, but that would be age-appropriate but I think it's still my day down way that honors them. One thing that surprised me, yet I know I became a Christian when I was about 18, actually.
But one thing that surprised me with all the negative things in the Bible you know God doesn't mince words with yellow and how these problems all these people have now is raising a family where she can't say something nice you just don't say it.
And God says many nice things that he says many things aren't so nice and this is reality and life itself were not in heaven yet and it's messy and got the God of grace and I think when we share in a loving way of weakness that may be an ancestor. We can talk about how we only grace and will all will all fail and I know I read in the book.
I jotted to stand. Just remember, was just a club by Billy Graham but he said don't be bandanna passed in its failures but don't forget it's lessons so I think that would just be what does parents should do is honor does grandparents and not to be bound by that.
Learn the lessons and move on.
And that's what you're doing day you move in on what is a grandparent do if you're trying, especially with your finger trying to instill things in your grandkids in the in your own son and daughter. Maybe your tone is stay away or calm it down or putting limits and I think that's a common challenge and have watched what others have done. I just looked in my unlikely different things that I don't think you go beyond that parents boundary you want that relationship with that grandchild and so you honor that that in any way possible, where you can share your faith any day that you honor that relationship. Have a good friend who is in that situation she cannot send books that were Christian books that she can do anything and so she just had to honor it as a child gets older and I know that grandparent then they'll be more opportunities and it could be that you write letters never said I did. It could be that you write in your Bible that you never give some day, it's likely that child is going to discover something that was written to them and the stories gonna be bigger and more clear. And so you can still be faithful even if you can't deliver it in the back] decanting you can have a whole package of things ready for them when you're getting on for someone to give to that child that was really needed that defining the letter from your dad that really was and I know we all feel this but especially if you come from a legacy that wasn't godly Christ was never really talked about.
You have always had this dream that someday Bob mentioned earlier that my great great-great-grandchildren will point out a picture day. I am Wilson goads there's there's our legacy that he and she started woo hoo we are today, right, we are the Wilson's and we believe in Jesus and we live for the kingdom. It started with, you know that's I tear up that MM you feel like my kids get to do that but I feel that's my call right and that's a huge call. This is changing changing the trajectory of a whole family doesn't end when you become a great and become strong, bright, that I think the conversations that we can have with our grandkids are priceless and precious. I know that I have had many nights laying in bed with my granddaughter and she asked so many questions I raised three sons, and they didn't ask all the questions.
Five-year-old that she was telling me the other night. He said 90 I can telling my friends all about how you and Poppy tell everyone in the world about Jesus, and she so open she said do you think that like I should talk more about him and so these conversations you know as a parent you're more rushed but as a grandparent. I sat there in that bed that night, tears just falling down my cheeks, thinking I want this girl to know Jesus and she already is tasting and I told her we are connect, travel around the world and tell people about this and she's like when are we going now, so these are just precious precious times that we take need to take every movement.
Just just take that there because there precious I back when the church moved online for everybody.
Our kids who lived in other parts of the country were occasionally tuning into our church service, and my daughter Katie texted me at one point and said our grandson Cedric looked at her and said, why is she that he always talk about God that I thought you know if that's his impression of me that's what you want right Mary. This is such a great gift to have your book, your thoughts, your help on this.
If you were sitting down with somebody you found out that the other to be a grandparent. Their first grandchild is not been born yet. It's just around the corner so they are about to enter into this phase and they said what's your best one piece of advice what's the one thing you'd tell me as I move into these years you know what would be.
I'd say love unconditionally and pray for that grandchild. There's nothing like being a grandparent.
People tell you that you don't know it until you see that first grandbaby.
Anyhow, that grandchild and Amy see your legacy going on and there's no way to explain it. It's just happens is just a God-given emotion when he held that grandbaby that you will never be the same. Get just one more tip to parents. I think sometimes is grandparent we can feel insecure in what they want our role to be in said even had that conversation with your own kids. I know that I've asked like what you guys desire, what does that look like for your kids because I can feel insecure thinking. Did I not want us and I think it's just an open great conversation to have what would you like to look like that.
I can guarantee this.
The grandkids what you want so nice to be there. I tried Agri. Thanks for being with us like for this book. Thank you Bob thank you for having me today have enjoyed it and we hope our listeners will get a copy of Dr. making your book available this week the listeners who can help support the ministry of family life we are lost or supported the fact that we have this conversation today on hundreds of thousands of people have been with us for the conversation. All of that is happened because blisters like you have made it happen by supporting the ministry of family life today, so if you're a regular long time listener and we invite you to join the team that makes family life today possible not only for you but for people in your community and people all around the world.
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