How Your Temperament Shapes Your Money Decisions with Kathleen Edelman

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That's JoinChristianCommunity.com. The wisdom of the prudent is to give thought to their ways, but the folly of fools is deception. Proverbs 14.8. Hi, I'm Rob West. When it comes to saving, spending and talking about money, our God-given temperament plays a bigger role than we think. Today Kathleen Edelman shares how understanding your wiring can lead to better financial decisions and healthier money conversations. And then it's on to your calls at 800-525-7000.

That's 800-525-7000. This is faith and finance, biblical wisdom for your financial journey. Well, our guest today is my friend Kathleen Edelman, author of I Said This, You Heard That, How Your Wiring Colors Your Communication. Kathleen is passionate about equipping God's people to speak with kindness, and that begins by helping them understand how God uniquely designed them. Kathleen, always a joy to have you here. Thanks so much. I'm so glad to be back. Kathleen, in your recent article for Faithful Steward, our magazine, you explore how our temperament impacts both the way we make financial decisions and how we communicate about money.

But I want to back up for a moment. For those new to this idea, explain what temperament is and how it's different from personality. Well, temperament was studied by Hippocrates 2,000 years ago, 600 years before Jesus walked the earth.

And what he studied was how people naturally responded in different situations. So what we found out over the course of these 2,000 years is that it really hasn't changed. It's innate. It's unchangeable. God designed you that way. Personality, on the other hand, is constantly evolving. It's like your culture, your education, your family dynamic, your birth order. Whereas temperament's like your eye color, your fingerprint. Unchangeable. Wow. Fascinating.

Yeah. So understanding our wiring via temperament is going to affect everything about how we relate to others and serve and love them well and communicate. But it of course affects how we manage money. So Kathleen, give us a picture of what that looks like in everyday financial decisions. Each temperament is going to respond differently to each part.

Budgeting, spending, savings. For example, yellows, the temperament of yellows, they love and enjoy spending gifts socially. They really don't like a lot of guardrails, if you want to say it that way. So they don't like constraints on that kind of thing. Reds, because they're visionaries, they like achieving something. They want to see quick results. They can see something and they can budget for it and they can save for it and they can help others do the same thing because of that.

Blues, this is a safety thing. They're the what-ifs people. So they want detailed plans. They want to do things without having to feel stressed or worried about doing it.

The greens, this is a peaceful, stable person. So they're going to want to do things that are no-stress financial systems. They're not going to be so much in the savings part unless they see a budget that can be consistently and easily done. But again, if somebody else pushes back, you know, where they may struggle is saying yes and putting off that budget. So each temperament is going to see from the core of their being each of those budgeting, spending and savings differently.

Interesting. We've got about a minute left until our first break. Perhaps we should unpack these even just a bit more. So let's just spend a few moments here on the yellow. How would somebody know they're yellow and then what uniquely applies for the money conversation? If you are a yellow, you are in the moment. You see the best in people first. You can inspire and encourage.

At the same time, you can be a little bit too much, interrupt, you know, have a tendency to move on too quickly. That's going to be in a financial world. See money as fun, not maybe take it seriously enough, overspend to seek approval, or make it fun because you're in the moment. And what that might cause is avoiding serious talks about money in fear that you might make somebody in the family upset or lose a relationship because they're all about connection. I love it. So yellow speak the language of people and fun.

And that clearly has implications on their money decisions. Well, when we come back from this break, Kathleen is going to unpack blue, green and red. And then we'll talk about how you communicate with other colors. Kathleen Edelman's here today. She's the author of I Said This. You heard that.

Buy it wherever you buy books. Back with more right after this. Stay with us. Thank you so much. Thank you.

Great to have you with us today on faith and finance. I'm Rob West with me today, my friend Kathleen Edelman. She's the author of I Said This. You heard that how your wiring colors your communication. This is a temperament assessment.

Kathleen's been doing this for decades. I'd love for you to explain that because it's really about helping people live out their temperament and love others through their communication. Exactly. I mean, we are wired to speak and hear out of our temperament. Yes.

So if we can learn to just pair it what I call paradigm shifting. Yes. I don't want you to become a different temperament. You're yellow. I'm blue, but I know that now. Yes.

So I just have to take off my blue glasses and put on yellow glasses and speak yellow to love you better as my friend. Isn't that great? Well, Kathleen is a good friend. She's very generous with her time here and we take all of the work that she does here at faith and finance and apply it to the money conversation, which we were just talking during the break. She's giddy about because this is one of those just natural expressions or applications of her work in a really important area of our lives. And in this quarter's issue of Faithful Steward, she did an article for us, a feature on how your temperament affects your money mindset. Kathleen, before the break, we talked about the yellow, the person who really is driven by people and fun and what that means for our money.

Let's move to the blue, which going back to Hippocrates is the melancholic temperament, right? Right. Right.

And that is me. And so what we had said earlier, my first innate need is safety. So when I think of money, I'm going to have details, but I'm going to have that emergency fund. I'm going to have a safety net. It's going to be methodical. It's going to be cautious. And I'm going to need to have a plan. Yeah. Well, and that's key because if your spouse or somebody you know is that, that's going to affect how you communicate.

But this idea of I need a plan, I'm going to think safety when I approach my money is a big idea. All right. Green is what's called phlegmatic. Right. So the green is easy going.

This would be my husband. They avoid conflict and they don't want any financial stress. So what they're looking for is consistency, something that's low maintenance, predictable, easy to maintain, right? So again, where there might be a pitfall and I see this a lot is leaving that to say yes, because there's some kind of conflict.

So we have to make sure that that person has time to think about it and make sure this person has great opinions and ideas, but they have to do it in their own timeframe. Yes. All right. That's a big idea if you have a green in your life or that's you. All right.

The final one is choleric and that's red. Right. The cleric is the visionary. This is a person that's going to get it done. So their money vision is going to be goal driven, confident. It's going to be efficient, but it can be very impulsive. So what we have to do there is make sure that they're not, you know, they're taking other people's ideas into consideration.

And they're just not running the show. So Kathleen, we've said this is important for communication. Let's talk about that. Why is it so valuable to understand both your own temperament, but also someone else's when you're talking about money?

Well, let's even talk about that. You cannot give what you don't have. So you have to have knowledge of your own temperament first.

Acceptance, awareness, application, authenticity. So I have to know what my language is in order to be able to speak yours. So that's what I'm talking about. I have to be able to know how to speak yellow so that you feel heard and understood. What you have to understand about communication is most miscommunication is not intentional. What it is is I'm speaking blue and you're hearing yellow. And then that's when you hear, that's not what I meant. That's not what I said. You know, you're not hearing me or you're not listening when really it's just we're speaking literally different languages. So if we will just take the time to do what I said, paradigm shift, learn the languages, we reduce that gray area.

And then those questions go away. So let's give some examples to that. So a yellow, which is what I am. I speak the language of people and fun.

I'm more extroverted, certainly people oriented. And I'm talking to a blue and describe that blue for a moment. So the blue speaks the language of perfection and order, right? So there's somebody who does want safety and a sensitivity meaning to be understood. So there's not a lot of gray area with a blue. It's right or wrong. It's that simple.

So it's direct, but not direct in a way of a red. So you have to respect their structure, their strategy, the fact that they want to think about it. Remember, they're an introvert too.

They're an introvert that, and when you're talking about communication, that means they're a processor. I have to process what you tell me. So if you're going to say something to me, I have to think about it. I think before I talk, you talk before you think. Yeah. And I love to use money for experiences.

I love it to steep in relationships. And I'm a little quicker to make that decision. Let's just do this spontaneously. And that blue needs to process that.

So what you might say to me is, hey, Kathleen, I know details matter to you. Can we sit down together and make a plan that gives us both a vision with a little room for fun? I completely heard what you said. Yes. I love that.

All right, let's do this again. This is great. What about a red to a green? What I would suggest, a red speaks the language of power and control.

A green speaks the language of calm and harmony. So a red might say something like, hey, I'd love us to make a simple plan together so that we both feel secure. We don't want to stress about it later. And we can talk it through at your pace.

That green is going to come to the table. Yeah. I love this because when we stop and appreciate somebody else's temperament, it says I care about you. It changes the whole dynamic of the conversation.

Yeah. Because if that red would have said, hey, we got to talk about finances right now. We got to do it right now. Sit down. Let's talk about it. Which is if a red said that to another red, there would be no issue. Yes.

But if a red said that to a green or a blue, they would both push back. The stress level would go up through the roof. I love it. Kathleen, if somebody sees their own temperament and what you've described, what's a helpful next step they can take to grow in both self-awareness but also financial stewardship? Well, like we mentioned before, you have to know your own design by God first.

So I would highly suggest you go through, I said this, you heard that workbook, the new 2025 edition. And there's activities in there. There's I have a tendency to, but I'm going to choose. That's going to keep you in your strengths because as humans, we have a tendency to live out of our weaknesses. Then your innate needs, which is the game changer. It what separates me from every personality assessment out there. And then if there's conflict and you have to revisit, I'm all about the revisit.

Yes. Then that's like, you know, hey, what part did I play and what could I have said or done differently? So it helps in those six sessions for you to manage and understand and become fluent, not only in your temperament and your language, but the other languages, which then gives grace when you're speaking to the person in front of you. That's so good.

Well, not only will it improve communication, but it will really deepen your relationships and even your spiritual growth. Well, folks, unfortunately, we're out of time today, but Kathleen is the new edition of I Said This. You heard that available right now? It is available right now. All right.

Wherever you buy books, pick up the 2025 edition. I said this, you heard that how your wiring colors your communication. Thanks for your time. We're going to have you back real soon. Thank you. All right.

That's Kathleen Edelman, Temperaments expert and great friend here at Faith and Finance. All right. Your calls are next. The number 800-525-7000. I'm Rob West and this is Faith and Finance.

We'll be right back. . Faith and Finance is grateful for support from Soundmind Investing. If you have money in an investment account, you know sometimes the stock market can seem like a rollercoaster, but it's possible to enjoy both profit and peace of mind as a do-it-yourself investor, no matter what's happening in the market. A short video webinar about that is available at soundmindinvesting.org. Financial wisdom for living well.

Soundmindinvesting.org. So glad to have you with us today on Faith and Finance here in our final segment. We'll get to as many calls as we can. Let's see, we'll go out to Tennessee and welcome Kay. Hi Kay, go right ahead. Hi there. I am calling to see if I can just get some wisdom in terms of what I should do.

I've been thrust into a bit of a situation, a challenging one at that. My mom, who is only 66 years old, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's about eight months ago, and this last month or so her cognition has deteriorated to the point where she has just been placed in an assisted living type of facility, and I imagine at some juncture it will be memory care. She only has about $57,000 a year coming in for her care. She works for the government, so she has a thrift or a TSP, and at this juncture I was considering doing some automatic installments, but it's not a whole lot of money. It's only about $300,000, and if she lives long, that's very problematic, but if not, I'm trying to figure out a way to potentially strategize and understand if there's a way that I can steward her money the best way possible knowing this is a pretty emergent issue.

I have looked. She does not have long-term care insurance. She does have a home that has about $220,000 worth of equity that I could sell, but outside of that, I just am at a little bit of a loss, so if you can provide any help.

Well, first of all, I'm so sorry. I've not been through this personally, but I know that there's a lot of weight on you as her daughter and a power of attorney, not to mention just the health struggles that she has, and I know that is demanding on you. And so the finances are just one more thing, and so I'm thrilled to hear you're leaning into this.

I think kind of at a high level, getting an advisor, if you don't have one locally, to kind of go through all of this in detail would be really important, but we could certainly start that process now. What are her assets? I mean, you said she's got a home that she's got about $220,000 in equity, and she's got a TSP that you said has about $300,000.

Is that right? Yes, yes, about $310,000, not very, just that's about all she has in there. Any other assets? Not really. I mean, she has to pay for a car, but that's not going to do even a month's worth of what we're having to do with this juncture. I really feel like there's nothing, but I'm just trying to see if I'm not seeing, you know, because it's not my wheelhouse exactly. No, I appreciate that. Has she started taking Social Security?

Yes, just started taking it in January. Okay. All right, so her total income is what? Just Social Security, or does she have something else? Social Security and whatever her government retirement was together, they are just like $4,800 a month.

That's it. Okay, and what is her monthly expenses running right now? $6,500. Okay, all right.

Yeah, so, I mean, on the $300,000, you know, you could go ahead and get that invested properly. What is her age? Sixty-six.

Okay. I mean, so normally, I realize she's got, you know, health condition here, but normally at $65, we would say, you know, maybe a $60, $40 portfolio with 40% in stock. So if you left it there in the TSP, that would probably be, you know, half of that 40% in the C fund, and then maybe the other half in the S and the I, and then the balance, the rest of it, the 60% in the F fund, which is the fixed income option, which is more like bonds. And then the goal there would be, you know, to be able to pull about 4% a year to be able to maintain that, but that's, you know, $12,000 a year, so that's $1,000 a month. And, you know, you said she's at $4,800, so that would put her at $5,800, but that doesn't quite do it, right? What are her expenses? Really, at this juncture, just everything associated with the assisted living facility, nothing else, because she had no, I mean, she still has money on her mortgage to pay, but outside of that, she didn't have any other debt. She was, yeah. Okay. And you said she needs $6,500 a month?

Yes. Yeah, so $1,700 a month on $300,000, I mean, she'd need to pull a bit more than that. We're probably looking at about 8%, I guess, a year that she would need. Well, I guess not quite that much, because she only needs $1,700, so maybe 6% or 7% a year, so that's not terrible.

And, you know, I think that would be one option. The other option is, you know, if she were to sell the house, because you feel like she's not going back there, all of a sudden, you know, now she's got $520,000, and that's a different ballgame. Because now, you know, even if there's capital gains, although if she's lived there two out of the last five years prior to the sale, there's probably not any capital gains tax. So, you know, 4% a year on $520,000, you know, all of a sudden now that's $1,700 a month, and, you know, that you should be able to maintain for the rest of her life. And then we add to that the $4,800 she's already bringing in, now we're at your $6,500 a month. And, you know, I think that's very reasonable.

It's not like we're stretching to make that happen. And then it would just be a matter of, I think, finding an advisor that could manage that roughly $525,000 between the TSP that you'd likely roll to an IRA, and then the proceeds of the house in a taxable investment account. The two of them together managed by an advisor with a goal of making at least 4% a year to offset what you're pulling out as a monthly income stream, when added to her Social Security, all of a sudden gives her, you know, what she needs to continue to live there and never run out of money. I got you. Thank you. One more question, if I may. So when I went to kind of like, dummy the TSP withdrawal, it looked like what 20% is taken out for tax. Would that be accurate? Well, they're just estimating. So it's all taxable as income. And so, you know, depending on how much other income she has, it may end up being less than that as the marginal tax rate, but they're just going to withhold that as an estimate. And then whatever you owe, you owe at the end of the year. And if that ended up being more than you needed, then you would get a refund when she files her return.

So, you know, I think the key would be not to take it out and lump sums, but probably just to set up a monthly income stream to her from the TSP that would allow you to, you know, just have pay tax on only what she uses in a calendar year. That's exactly what. Thank you so much.

That's what I was thinking about. Maybe I didn't have a reason for that. I still appreciate it. Thank you.

Absolutely. Okay, listen, if you want to find a certified kingdom advisor there in Tennessee, just head to faithfi.com and click find a professional. But all the best to you and your mom.

So thankful to have you on the program today and call anytime. Well, folks, we're nearing the end of the program today. You know, as we think about applying God's wisdom to our financial decisions and choices, we want to look back to God's word. And here's what we will find, you know, apart from the big idea that we're stewards and God is owner and he gives us the power to create wealth. I think we need to remind ourselves that there are plenty of admonitions in scripture around how we should handle money. The fact that we should avoid debt, the importance of of goal setting, the importance of paying our taxes, not anymore, but rendering unto Caesar at least what is Caesar's, the fact that we should be training the next generation, our kids in these principles and a biblical worldview of money management and certainly living within our means.

And we want to remind you of those principles and ideas that are very practical, but rooted in God's word each time we gather together. And by the way, and speaking of living within our means, if you're struggling with that, like I am and so many of us are in the midst of high inflation, check out the faith by app. It's what Julie and I use to manage our budget every day. And it's really helpful to know what's left in each envelope. When you take a look at that app in real time, you can download it today at faith by dot com.

Just click app. Well, folks, that's going to do it for us. A big thanks to my team today. Devin Patrick, Robert Youngblood, Jim Henry and everybody here at Faith by that makes this possible. You have a great day and hope you'll come back and join us tomorrow. We'll see you then. Bye bye. Faith and finance is provided by Faith by and listeners like you.