Absurd Truth: Did You Watch The Oscars?

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This is wild. This is in 2009. This is in Florida. Florida Fire Chief had to resign. He was arrested on DUI charges. Apparently, according to WCJB, while driving an Oregon transport truck with organs in it. He was in a pickup truck with Life Quest that I feel well now that was SeaQuest. I was thinking of the old NBC series.

Life Quest, an organ and tissue storage company printed on the side. When he arrived at the hospital, the Florida man, Mike Vogel, he apparently smelled of alcohol was slurring in his speech stumbling while walking. Officers found four empty and five Oh yeah, he totally looks at five full mini vodka bottles in the bushes near vehicle. If you if I asked AI show me a picture of a guy who would drive drunk while drive an Oregon transport vehicle while drunk.

I'd be like, that's him. He pled not guilty. He bonded on it.

On Sunday. So they have an investigation ongoing. But yeah, that's how many was it for empty and five full mini five. That's four empty mini vodka bottles.

That's like, cane. How many like shots is in? Oh, I think one of those airplane bottles like two shots or something. Oh, my gosh. So he's got eight shots in 10 to go. I'm a lightweight. So if I have like, like if I do maybe every now and then if I'm on a plane, I might do a Bloody Mary.

But I can only do a little bit of one of them little bitty bottles. I can't I can't even imagine how that I what what is he's like a sponge like an alcohol sponge. Anyway, so they're investigating that. Coming up, I'll tell you about a guy who got another machete and a guy who flew without a license.

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What did you send me in slack? Kane? That's not how we start. That's how we're starting the show. Top of this third hour.

Kane just he does these sneaky little things where he dropped something in slack knowing I'll see right when we're going to air and I'm like, I'm looking at this. I don't even know how to process it to tell you guys about it. It's some trainee stuff. I don't know. Sorry, trans stuff. I don't know. Whatever.

Welcome back. Dana lash top of the third hour. We were talking on break about the Oscars.

No, don't really right. Stop it. If you don't pay attention to Colby.

Culture still pays attention to you. I used to watch for the fashions. Now I can't even watch that anymore. People bleaching their eyebrows off their faces. Stop it. It's just bad. It doesn't look good. Nobody looks good with that look. It doesn't even look edgy.

It just looks like wow, why is your brow like that? What's up? So I don't think I saw a single film that was nominated for best film. Did you? These are films that you used to see.

I mean, they used to have actual good movies like like Forrest Gump, right? Science of the Lambs. What else? Unforgiven. These were all nominees from Best Picture at one point. Shakespeare in Love. And now you've got well, I don't even know what the hell some of these movies are. It was was the Academy Award for Best Picture.

Who won? Even I don't know. Was it a Nora? I don't even know what a Nora is about.

No one saw this strip club Cinderella story. So you have the brutalist. Oh, shut up. So it's like, was it Julia Roberts thing?

So you have the brutalist. Adrian Brody won the best picture was a Nora. I'd still don't even know what that it was about a stripper you said? Yeah, it's it's described as a strip club Cinderella story. So someone Juan is just chuckling over there in the corner.

Lost their bra and they're finding which bra fit the right person. I did you see it? No, I know it's streaming. But I didn't. I just didn't see it.

So the best picture so that so that one best picture that one. It was what the was conclave wicked. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't do this. Can we just stop full stop and have a moment here.

Now granted. I hate musicals to death to actual physical death. Hate them. You know why? Because it doesn't make sense. I, I am too much of a cynic to sit and think these people just broke into song. And it makes sense.

Like no one does this in the real in real life. If I'm if I'm going to have like a fantasy film about something, it's not going to involve music, it's going to involve like aliens and stuff, you know, and like guns that don't even exist in the real world. It's going to involve those things, right?

I like that kind of adventure kind of fantasy sort of thing. Not gonna be that. I don't know. I don't get it.

Wicked was it was a musical that was nominated for an Oscar and it's a prequel to Wizard of Oz and the witches in that. It's like a novelty. If you liked it more power to you. I just didn't get it. And then you have Amelia Perez. So let's talk about a couple of things here.

Well, number one, we all are in agreement that we miss Joan Rivers, because Joan Rivers served a purpose in that she was able to just grind everyone to dust with her commentary on these awards things. It is just weird. I don't so Amelia Perez that had that dude that was a chick that pretended to be a chick and he ended up getting canceled because he wasn't the right kind of trans. I don't even know what that means. Can you cancel that? Trans person?

Explain to me the math here. Because we were talking about this, like everybody really wanted you to know that that one chick from Wicked was bald, gay and black. Like all three like BBG, right? You got to be like, like black, bald and gay. Like she's better than just a regular lesbian because she checks off more boxes. It's like, whoever has the most baggage is the queen of intersectional or the monarch of intersectional politics, right? Oh, you're just a regular lesbian. You're lame. You've got to be like bald and a lesbian or trans, whatever, a lesbian or I don't know, just something with ethnicity to be like, if you're just a white lesbian, you're just like white bread.

Nobody cares. So you have to be all these other things. And I got really tired of hearing that in this whole laid out to award season because people were acting like that was this chick's qualifications. Is she a good actress? Well, she's a lesbian.

And bald. Like before you object. I think Jada did it first. Anyway. So I just nobody watches these out of all of the movies that were on the leaderboard. I didn't I didn't see any of those. I think I did see Conclave and the ending of that. I just sat there like are you kidding me?

Is a hermaphrodite. Are you kidding me? That was my did I give it I don't care. Did you watch it Kane? The Conclave thing?

I liked all those actors. And I thought maybe they'll pull this off. Maybe it's spooky.

I don't know. It wasn't. It was like ended with like some sad hermaphrodite. And I just was like, this is lame. It's such a letdown. You know, I was hoping it would be like an alien or something. And see, you see where my mind goes.

I'm like, if that dude isn't an alien, then that I don't know. I just I didn't watch it. Nobody watches this stuff anymore. These movies, no one goes and sees the movies that are like in the running for best picture.

None of them. Now, I mean, whereas used to, they were good stories, and everyone would go and see them. Now they're not even good stories.

I mean, and also how many times are you going to do like the stripper makes good storyline? And that chick beat Demi Moore. Now I didn't see Demi Moore's substance. I have a lot of friends who did and they said it was terrifying. And, you know, I guess it's terrifying if you're scared of aging.

I don't know. But she apparently got a lot of accolades for that role. And then this is probably the only time she's ever gonna get nominated for an Oscar.

And she got beat by some 25 year old chick who played a stripper. And do they, isn't it member other members of the Academy that vote on this? So it's like your peers.

It's like it's essentially a jury of your peers that vote on all this stuff. So they gave it to the 25 year old stripper. Does that shock anybody that Hollywood would go for the chick who bared it all as opposed to the older lady who played the right? I don't know.

I'm just saying I just I don't. Can we play Karen Colkin's remarks now? Now we got to do it in a weird way for you watching. We have to show you a screen grab and then play the audio separately so we don't get deemed for copyright.

Or even though it's you know, it this is literally fair use, but what of? I thought this was like one of the most wholesome moments of the evening. This is Macaulay Colkin's little brother Karen Colkin, who won Best Supporting Actor for one of the series he was in.

Watch this. This is his acceptance speech. I really I love you jazz. This is I have to thank my wife, Jess, for absolutely everything for giving my favorite people in the world.

This is please don't play the music because I want to tell a really quick story about jazz. About a year ago I was on a stage like this and I very stupidly publicly said that I want a third kid from her because she said if I won the award, I would she would give me the kid. Turns out she said that because she didn't think I was gonna win. But people came up to her and were like, you know, really annoying her. I think I think it got to her.

But anyway. After the show, we're walking through a parking lot. She's holding the Emmy.

We're trying to find our car. Emily, you were there. So you're a witness. And she goes, Oh, God, I did say that. I guess I owe you a third kid. And I turned to her and I said, really, I want four. And she turned to me, I swear to God, this happened just over a year ago. She said, I will give you four when you win an Oscar. I held my hand out.

She shook it. And I have not brought it up once until just now. You remember that, honey? You do. OK. But I just have this to say to you, Jazz. Love of my life.

You have little faith. No pressure. I love you. I'm really sorry I did this again. And let's get cracking on those kids.

What do you say? It was a great that was a great moment. And everybody was laughing and he was just very genuine. And and it was a very funny moment. And let's get cracking on those kids.

Four kids. So that was sweet. There wasn't as many.

I mean, there were some politicized moments. You had some guy come out and talk about Gaza. And then you had What's Her Face? One of the Arquettes. Was it an Arquette who came out? No, it was Daryl Hannah, who looks like an Arquette. Daryl Hannah came out and said, Slava, Ukraine or whatever. And everyone, because that's the new COVID mask up.

Wait, wrong thing. Where the flag? They can't. They're all confused. Maybe if you were the face masks that are the flags.

It'll work. You check both boxes. But yeah, I didn't. I just I am bored to tears by everything that's in Hollywood lately. That's why I watch anime and and foreign horror films.

Because they can't like the horror films here in the US even have to be politically correct. It's it's ridiculous. History shows gold and silver thrive under strong leadership. During President Trump's first term, gold surged 53% and silver soared 51%.

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Subscribe to the Miracle Files wherever you get your podcasts and join us on this thrilling journey of faith and miracles. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. Playing Dave Brubeck.

Brubeck going into this seems appropriate. Being a parent keeps your brain young, especially if you have multiple kids, according to a new survey. I think it has to because you got to outwit your kids at every step. It's war.

I'm kidding. The experience of parenthood. They said it's both men and women. So it's not like one, you know, benefited more than the other. But they said that parents with more children clearly, you know, greater social connectivity, etc. But they said that it increases brain connectivity in areas that typically decline with age. The suggestion is that parenthood provides a safeguard against brain aging.

There actually kind of does make sense if you think about it. British scientists decided that they were going to spend the time and money to create a banana that stays fresh for 24 hours after opening. Why would you need it to after you, you know, peel your banana? Why do you need it to stay fresh for 24 hours?

Who's like, you know what, I'm going to set this nano down. And I'm going to go get do something else. And then I might come back like, you know, 24 hours later. The British they say that these experts have altered the fruits genetics so that it remains firm, fresh and yellow for 24 hours after opening even when sliced. The chief executive of the Norwich based biotech company behind the breakthrough said no more slimy brown bananas. Or here's a life hack. You could eat the damn thing after you open it. If you if you peel it, you could consume it. Life hack.

Who are these people? You know what fruit browns? It does. Like why do you need it? Why is that a thing for you? Just eat it. Just eat it.

Shut up with your mouth and eat it. Like what's the problem? Why is this a thing? Schools are reviving. Yes, they're reviving shop class as a hedge against the AI future. I think every body should be required to take shop and home at in school. I think these boys and girls shop and home at although I did scare the complete living hell out of my shop teacher because I just didn't care.

And I'm like, we're gonna make all the things and I loved power tools. And it scared not just the shop teacher, but every male in the class was terrified. Nobody wanted to be my partner. And it wasn't because I was a woman.

It was because I have an over eagerness with like, drilling and things like that. So maybe I'm not the best candidate to represent that. And Microsoft has resolved global outages that left 10s of 1000s unable to access their emails and other apps. We got to talk about this Pam Bondi thing. How many people are mad over Pam Bondi not giving up the full Epstein files?

I feel like a lot are a lot are upset. Here's the thing with the Epstein files. First off, well, we knew that they were going to be all redacted. I don't know how much can actually be if there is an ongoing investigation.

But at the same time, I think unless you're protecting a particular victim's name, I think it's got to be made public. But Pam Bondi knew this and was saying that she had it and read it and had been reading it. Did she not? She had said prior that she had had these files and had been reading them.

They were on her desk before they released these nothing burgers. And then I noticed that the people that they released them to were all on social media. Apparently, some of them were copying and pasting the same response, much in the same way that Europe's leaders were doing.

I stand with Ukraine is the same thing, just a different issue. I saw a lot of people reposting the responses of, yeah, you know, we went there, yes, we went, we got a binder, etc. I if it had been about journalism, I think there would have been some actual due diligence and journalism that had been done by the individuals that got binders. But instead, everyone wanted to get photos and share it on social media, and then not really write much more about it. So that was bad.

That was a big bad op. And I think the people that were involved in it should be a little embarrassed, honestly. The second thing is, why was she out there telling everybody that they that she was reading it and had all this information if she clearly didn't have it? Apparently, then she went back and was going after the FBI, because she was sort of like it was like a bait and switch. And then it seemed like Kash Patel and her were getting into an argument over this, because she was promised the release of these other files. And it ended up being like, you know, a bunch of other files.

A bunch of, you know, nothing burgers. She said that more were being released. But she sent out this letter to Patel demanding the full release, which again, in all of this, all of everything that she had ever said about it leading up to this point, she I mean, I got the impression came that it was on her desk. And she had read everything. I mean, she literally said that the files were on her desk, but she had also said that she had been reading it. So either someone stole it and tricked her or she lied.

I don't know. She had said there will be no withholdings or limitations to mire your access, etc, etc. But she blasted this out. And now it looks like they're in, it's like a little bit of a tiff. She says that agents coming out of New York, the Southern District of New York were withholding these documents. And that ultimately, it comes from that, that Southern District, and, or from the FBI up in New York. And apparently was only what, not even 100 pages, and it was all heavily redacted. And there was nothing new in there. It was basically a rehash of all of the stuff that was already made public.

I just, I think that was a bad move to make. I don't think that that was an op, necessarily designed by Trump's innermost circle. But someone clearly gave the go ahead for it. They were apparently at the White House for a totally different thing. And then before Bondi can even make a statement about it, those binders were apparently handed out.

I just wondered why there wasn't a statement from Bondi on it, why there wasn't anything from Patel on it. All of a sudden, there's a whole bunch of things going on. And all of a sudden, you had these people walking out, you know, parading this stuff, which left a bad taste in a lot of other quote unquote, I guess, influencers mouths.

I don't know, I hate this whole thing. But we didn't learn anything else. And I saw some people out there saying promises kept. No, well, that wasn't.

That hasn't been fulfilled yet. That debt is still owed. But it just was a mess. It was a mess. It was a bad op. So I don't know who in the Trump administration orchestrated that, but they need to not ever be allowed to orchestrate anything regarding the meat anything again, just get them away.

Get them away from the White House. It was bad. But what is are we going to have? Is more going to be released? I don't know. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana lashes absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.