Absurd Truth: Cringey And Dishonest

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. This is a crazy story. A Florida mom claimed that her neighbors were pedophiles and tried to have them killed say authorities, but instead deputies were ambushed. So three deputies were shot one fatally and a search showed the suspects had more they had a lot of they were they were pretty preparing for something. But it seemed like they were very delusional. She's being accused of ambushing law enforcement.

So essentially they live northwest of Orlando. They were preparing I guess to ambush the neighbors and then the cops showed up as they were preparing to ambush the neighbors. So then the cops ended up getting ambushed.

This is insane. And they arrested Julie Sulpizio on suspicion of murder attempted murder and a ton of other crimes. And now it goes before a jury.

Her range arraignment is scheduled for September 3. And she said that she was trying to lure the neighbors to her home so her husband could kill them. What? What? That's in?

That's? I don't know. She said they were sinners.

They know is she told her neighbors I know what you did. And I don't know. It's just it's wild.

The story's insane. So Cain's like I don't even I know I don't I don't even know. Let's see a Florida man.

Oh, golly. A Florida man faces prison time because he decided to showcase himself in a not proper way at a casino. Nobody actually knows why he chose to make such a reveal. But he was he was described as waving his Franken beans in the casinos poker room. And then he got into trouble with the guards and was arrested. 47 year old Abdul Zania. And yeah, so that's what ended up happening.

And he was totally arrested for being grody. I don't I can't even I don't know man. Pitbull stadium fans go wild because Pitbull is buying a Florida school the Florida schools a schools naming rights in the first ever deal of its kind. So this from Daily Mail, Mr. White, it's Florida International University's football stadium Pitbull, Armando Perez, real name. He sent a five year deal worth 6 million an option to extend it for the first five years. And so it's gonna be Pitbull stadium.

That's what it's gonna be. I mean, why couldn't he do it? Don't the Tostitos people have a thing like a Tostitians stadium or something like that?

I don't know. So anyway, so he's gonna have Pitbull stadium. So there you go. Pitbull can do whatever he wants. Leave him alone. And a floor.

Oh my gosh. Okay, a Florida man calling out to coyotes survived an attack by armadillos. And then he also is a dude who was on video getting into a fight with his bear in his garage. But he was outside calling. He thought he heard coyotes and he goes out there and turns out it it was two thick skin wobbly mammals, two armadillos coming across the driveway behind me. And he goes, I thought they were blind, but they seem to be right on target.

And they they just totally knocked him down. That's this guy needs to stay away from wildlife. Hey, dudes, listen up. I have a gift idea that could truly impress the lady in your life and transform your home into a much appreciated sanctuary all with the luxurious comfort of Cozy Earth. It's called Cozy Earth.

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That's cozy earth dot com slash Dana and use code Dana to get up to 40 percent off. Hi, this is Tim. It's Kamala Harris. Good morning, Governor. Good morning, Madam Vice President. Listen, I want you to do this with me. Let's let's do this together. Would you be my running mate and let's get this thing on the road?

I was gonna be like do what? I would be honored, Madam Vice President. The joy that you're bringing back to the country, the enthusiasm that's out there. It'll be a privilege to take this with you across the country. Well, let me tell you, I have just the utmost respect for you. I have really enjoyed our work together.

You understand our country. You have dedicated yourself to our country in so many different, in beautiful ways. And we're going to do this. We're going to win.

And we're going to unify our country and remind everyone that we are fighting for the future for everyone. So let's get out there and get this done. OK, let's do it. Do the work in front of us. Let's win this thing.

That's right. All right, buddy. I'll see you soon. Take care.

Thank you. OK. Actually had a telephone call before we get the show started. Can I just offload some property here? I've got an amazing deal right now on a bridge, Kane. It's just a great deal.

I mean, it's such a beautiful deal. It's a bridge that I have. It's in New York, actually. Maybe you've heard of it. It's actually in Brooklyn. It's beautiful bridge.

Beautiful. I will give it to you. Give it to you because that's you know, I'm giving it away, you know, for the cool, cool price of just, you know, 10 million dollars. 20 million, maybe.

But I could I could go down to 10. You know, it's a beautiful bridge. I'll give it to you. If you believe that these two freaks actually had the phone call that that you heard. I didn't get to touch on the call yesterday.

It's a perfect call. I didn't get to touch on it because there were so many things to hit yesterday. And then of course, you know, and then we had their their big campaign event and whatever. I don't know whatever the hell you want to call it. God help us all. We're in the stupidest news cycle I've ever been in in my entire life. And I I'm almost without words.

I'm almost without words. So welcome to the program. And Dana Lash with you. I'm just seeing like some of the craziest stuff because everything's coming up. Everything's firing. So welcome to the program.

Dana Lash with you. Top of this first hour. The hell day is it Wednesday? My gosh, it's only Wednesday. I'm supposed to not tell you people that I'm supposed to be like, Oh, it's Wednesday. We're gonna get through together. Look, I ain't gonna lie.

All right. The economy's trash. And we got the weirdest people running for office. And it's just a nightmare.

All right, so where to start? Can we go to five? Doug Imhoff decided to pick now he's the what do they call him? The he is the first bitch.

What? First gentleman was just so stupid. He's the guy who got the nanny pregnant in his first marriage. Anyway, I would be a little worried about him calling us blonde. He called Gwen Wall.

So not only was did they have one awkward phone call, but they had another awkward phone call cue the awkward phone call audio sound by five ladies and gentlemen. So weird. Look at him.

He's such a freak. Hello, Gwen. Yeah, it's Doug Imhoff.

How are you? Don't worry, I can get you pregnant. Right.

So I think this one. I remember getting this call four years ago. And I actually know what you're going through right now. But the good news is I've already been through it. So just like Dr. Biden was there for me who had been Don't sleep with your nanny.

If I can give you any advice. We're gonna do this together. Don't get your nanny pregnant. Tim are going to do this together. And we are going to win this election together. And I cannot wait. It's so awkward. Doesn't he look awkward?

Can I just say I'm going to get into everything else. But can I just say I was looking at the end. We can because nobody cares about these two freaks anymore. I when I first got that when I first saw the headline that he actually got his nanny pregnant. I'm like, I can't believe that two women conceived with him. Because he's so no, no, huh.

I think he he he probably just the upon appearances reduces a woman's fertility rate by the 20% just upon appearances. All right. So really, it was so they had their little phone calls. They had their event yesterday. Did you guys see that you guys? Well, I had to watch it because it's my job. They had Josh Shapiro go out there. I can understand even though they hate Jews, I can understand why Democrats didn't want Josh Shapiro to be on the ticket with Kamala Harris. Because did you hear Josh Shapiro speak? Guys, Democrats actually have somebody who can talk. It's very well without his voice kind of cracked audio somebody 17. This was somebody with Josh Shapiro yesterday.

He was very energetic. Listen. Are you ready to form a more perfect union? Are you ready to build an America where no matter what you look like, where you come from, who you love or who you pray to, that this will be a place for you? And are you ready?

I actually thought it was gonna be a wrestling event. President of the United States. So Josh Shapiro goes out there. He actually he's not a moderate.

And we talked about this yesterday. I'm not going to relitigate it today. There's no such thing as moderates on the Democrats side. They don't have moderates.

Okay. That's, that's like, it's like saying Doug Amhoff has any kind of self awareness or restraint. But they have no moderates, but they're trying to rewrite and retcon everybody's history about moderation.

Right. So Josh Shapiro goes out and they're like, Oh, here's this moderate in Pennsylvania. He's gonna sit here and introduce these might because they act like Kamala Harris is a moderate and Tim Walz is a moderate.

Neither of them are. So they go out and he you can't Kamala Harris cannot have someone on the ticket who looks like they're more competent than she is. And just by by way of saying a sentence that doesn't sound insane.

Josh Shapiro sounded better than Kamala Harris did. And she went out there. She was like, what did she say? Good evening.

Good evening. Do we have her saying this a million times? Wait a minute. Can we play this so that the people can get an idea?

If you guys spared yourselves? I didn't spare me but you got Yeah, oh my gosh, this is how she started it audio sound by 10. You guys is actually first thing she said when she came out on stage. Good evening everyone. Good evening.

Good evening. She sounds like what you say to kids like when you're talking to kids and you're trying to get them, you know, to calm down. That's it is just odd.

It is just odd. So that's she came on after Josh Shapiro sounding like that. And then you could kind of understand why they didn't really I think want Shapiro to be on the ticket. And I feel like he did a really good job speaking even though he's a wrong on everything.

And I just think he's you know, I'm not a fan of him at all. But just looking at it clinically, he's he can speak. That's, you know, I know it's the minimum for that these guys, guys, give him something.

Come on, you know, it's the minimum form bless their buttons. He can speak guys, he can string a sentence together without saying the same canned stuff over and over again. So he goes out there, he, you know, gets everybody amped up. And then these two students come out and they walked out. It was the weirdest thing ever. It was like two Chick-fil-A employees that were real ginger about interacting with the public. It was just weird the whole demeanor. So they come out.

And then Tim Walz. I hope you realize do we have the cat? Yeah, here it is. Audio soundbite 14. This is the remark that stuck out to me.

So he remarks on JD Vance. Now, I just want to tell you guys before I play this audio soundbite. I have tried to in my career, be real nice. Not real nice, but I've tried to be nicer.

You know, I have kids that are more aware. I can't be the best. I'm the bare knuckle brawler that I came up into this industry as like literally jumping off of stages and going into fights with people.

Because in my mind, I'm like seven foot two. Kane is dying laughing. I would terrify my bosses, my husband. I'd be like you, you're a jackwhat. And I'm off the stage.

I literally would not even take the mic and then worst day she's in the audience fighting with somebody. So and my husband's like, Oh, my gosh, but God love that man. But, you know, as my kids are getting older, I'm like, wow, maybe I should be a lady and nice, you know, or in public, a lady or a nicer in public. And people are really tempted me with stuff like this. This is bait for me, right? Because I feel like Bane, like, you know, you guys merely these people merely adopted being mean, I grew up in it. Okay.

I was formed by mean. And so when I hear people like Tim Walz make these kind of remarks like this, because it's what he's saying is not what he's saying. If you've heard the rumor about JD Vance, they're trying to LBJ him. Now, if you want to know what I mean by the LBJ thing, way back when I'll reiterate this really quickly way back when LBJ was running for state office. And he I can't remember what office it was. And he wanted he told his campaign manager will put it out there that my opponent likes to fornicate with pigs. He didn't say that f word. But you know what I mean? He was a pig fornicator. Again, not that f word, but you get the idea. And the campaign manager was like, sir, we can't do this.

That's insane. You can't say this guy's a pig fornicator. You know, it's not true.

That never happened. LBJ was like, Yeah, son, that's not the point. The point is to get the man to deny it, elevate it, and then reduce your own branding by elevating it your value by elevating it.

That's the whole point. It's a sigh up. So there was this thing that went around the left started accusing JD Vance of being a couch fornicator.

I mean, literally a sofa fornicator. Can you heard it? I'm just telling you because I need to tell you this. So this soundbite makes sense. So I'm at a crossroads here. How mean do I get with this Tim Walz? Because he might be this, you know, old dude from Minnesota.

But I was raised by a bunch of Ozark women. So and sailors. So you know, feels like that, you know, actual Navy sailor. So I feel like that's, you know, so I hear him say stuff like this. And I need you guys to determine, you know, if I'm going to be a coach.

I'm going to be the new year, new me or not. So Tim Walz on re it brings up this, this fecal post about JD Vance about the sofa audio soundbite 14 that is, if he's willing to get off the couch and show up. See what I did there?

He like padded himself on the back. Is that not cringe? I see what I did there. I made a joke about a fecal post. But they don't call it that they call it a shh starts with that post.

You know, see, I made a joke about this rumor if he's willing to get off the couch. See what I did there? Wait, wait, no, no, it's so cringe. I just about died. I about died. That wasn't the most cringe part of last night, though, guys.

It wasn't. I know you're like, Wait a minute, Dana, what? Oh, no. Are you guys ready for the most cringe quote of the night?

I give you audio soundbite seven in all of its glorious glory. Well, well, some might say it's like, it's like a matchup between the varsity team and the JV squad. Squad. So brat. That's so not original. That is so not original.

She's I cannot deal. That's she actually said that. And she was talking about waltz advance.

So I mean, how many literally how many times have you heard like that phrase over and over again? And she trotted it out like it was the most original thing in the world. Notice how she checked the prompter too. She checked the prompter. She couldn't even remember it. She's looking on you can see her look over at the prompter because it was right there.

She had to like check the prompter to even be able to speak. I'm just I can't I can't even with these people partners over at Caltech the P 15. It's an awesome nine millimeter striker fire pistol. This is like the lightest thinnest double stack nine millimeter on the market. I have it there's the polymer version and the metal version. The metal versions like a James Bond gun.

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And now all of the news you would probably miss it's time for Dana's quick five. So a taxi driver went on a rampage through cologne's old town in Germany before somebody actually finally apprehended him the Jordanian 44 years old raced his car down a straight and North Rhine Westphalia about after shortly after 10pm he ran over two women aged 22 and 23 head on. He then spit on in his Volkswagen Passat towards the Rhine River where he had two more women and a fifth one managed to save herself because she just barely was able to jump to the side.

German report suggested the act was absolutely deliberate. 27 year old woman was left seriously injured and a 34 year old waiter from a brewery in front of where all everything happened. He managed to detain the driver until police arrived. So that guy's a hero but you got Germany's got issues. That's what happens when you just allow every time Dick and Harry to come in your country.

You don't check as to who they are and you have absolutely no assimilation nothing and you have such disparate cultures that it's now it's it's insane the way it is. Let's see this Oh, an MTA worker cut his own hand and then lied about being slashed on the subway in a bid to quote have the summer off. Yeah, that actually happened. Transit system cleaner was so desperate for vacation that he lied about getting cut on the job. So he cut his own hands to try to sell it. According to prosecutors, he said he wanted to add the summer off because it was too hot down there. That's what he told prosecutors after it was all exposed.

You know, there's maybe you should just get a different job where you don't have to work underground. Like that, you know, I mean, that's also a also thing. Bing C has the second artwork in London, according to British media. Apparently, it's like two elephants in a window and they're touching trunks. And that's apparently what it is.

So I don't know. He said it's new artwork in London, two elephants poking their heads out of blackout windows. They said it could be the elephant in the room.

It could. Really, though? I mean, it's just two stenciled elephants. What the hell? Like it's literally just two stenciled elephants. And that's all it is. And the paint's even running down on one so I don't get it. Like, I don't know.

In through the gift shop we go. What? Yeah, there you go. By the way, I hate modernity. Really do. Let's see this.

No, no, no, no, no. What is this? What is this headline? It's called Good luck killing the huge worms here in Texas.

By the way, the pop ups for this this website made me want to go find whoever did the website and kill all of them. It's an invasive worm species. The hammerhead flatworm is toxic and it's in Texas. It also carries parasites and can grow over a foot long.

And if you cut it in half, it just regenerates and it's gross looking. They've been around in Texas for quite some time. Hurricane barrels brought up quite a few of them. Okay, we're in Texas. It doesn't tell you because this reporter who writes this story sucks out loud.

Where is it? I'm gonna have to Google. I'm gonna have to do the reporters job and look it up because they don't tell you where in Texas it is. They're just like random worms in Texas.

I'm thinking if it's hurricane barrel, it's probably towards like Harris County. That's what I'm thinking. But no, KFMX didn't actually do the job. They didn't fire your reporter. That's horrible.

They suck. And a fourth grader. This is crazy. I came home from after school died unexpectedly. This fourth grader had orientation at school in Georgia, came home from school died unexpectedly. They're still waiting for reports from the medical examiner. That's all they have. That's all they have for this.

They have a GoFundMe. Stick with us. Now with that said, can we talk about Cori Bush?

Cori Bush out there threatening everybody. Where's the one where she said? Hang on. I don't even know where to start with this. Is okay.

Hey, which one is it? 33. Oh, my gosh. Oh, audio.

Yes, audio. Somebody 33. This was her last night. So she lost her primary. What you need to know about Missouri's first congressional district. I used to live there is that the primary is the general because Republicans can't win there. It is so Democrat. It's crazy. And Republicans have tried to make some inroads in there, but it's super Democrat. Anyway, she's being challenged by another lefty named Wesley Bell, who also came out.

It's a tale of two people who came up in Ferguson. One guy actually tried to go. And even though I don't agree with him, he's very far left. But he actually tried to go the route of well, let me see what I can actually do. Cori Bush wanted to go the self glorification way. So anyway, he ends up besting her in the primary. And she's livid. Audio soundbite 33. Well, I mean, audio soundbite 34. You know, she is powerful. Y'all didn't she have like a shaman or something on her campaign or something like that? I know. But she was like curing people with her hands.

Audio soundbite 34. Listen to this. Maybe she has a power. I don't know. You're a pastor.

Yeah, she's a pan. You write about healing through faith. At one point, you came across a woman with, quote, several visible tumors on her torso. Tell me what happened.

Um, so at that time, I along with a group of friends, we would go out on the street, and just meet with people and pray with people and offer them food. And this lady came to us and she had these tumors. I mean, she wanted us to like fill them. And I just remember I put my hand on her. And my hand just began to move and the lumps that were there were no longer there. And she was so happy and she went on about her day. And I never saw her again.

So you think the tumors disappeared? I do. I do. And this woman was unhoused. She's someone who, you know, had been sleeping in the shelters and sleeping. Unhoused. Yeah. Like if you don't have a car and you steal one, oh, they're unautomobiled.

You know, they are without wheels. No, I'm not even going to pretend that that isn't anything not kooky as all hell. Oh my gosh, even the devil could quote scripture, y'all, to cite Shakespeare. That, you know, that's, that's also true. But remember the guy that she had? Hold up, hold up, hold up, hold up. Wasn't she dating this dude? Yeah, he was like a security guy, but wasn't he like magical? Hang on, hang on.

I know I have this somewhere. Oh, yeah. Well, it's the security guard husband. She's paying this guy. But didn't she have somebody? Like, wasn't there somebody on her? Like who was like threatening people and all this stuff? Like when?

I don't know. There's so many crazy things with her campaign and her, like, staff. I can't even keep it all straight.

It's insane. Well, yeah, well, by the way, speaking of that, yeah, this is when she was saying that, you know, she's important. Like, you might be important as a voter, but she's important-er.

Audio sent by 26. You know, she's got to have, she needs the police to be defunded, but not her security. Listen to this flashback. I end up spending 200,000. If I spend 10, 10, 10 more dollars on it, you know what?

I get to be here to do the work. So suck it up and defunding the police has to happen. We need to defund the police and put that money into social safety nets. So she's telling you to suck it up, the expensive private security that she demands for herself. But, you know, your tax dollars, she wants your tax dollars to fund her security. But she don't want your tax dollars going towards, you know, police. So she's out. And she's mad. And they all blamed AIPAC.

So I'm just going to play by their rules. That looks seems to be anti Semitic, right? Yeah, it seems like that's, that's, yeah, I mean, yeah, I thought I mean, if she's blaming AIPAC out there, because that's, that's kind of my thing. Like I see them saying this, and I was watching it. Where's this? This is, this is audio sent by 24.

Let me touch on this. So I know we gotta get moving, but I don't want to. On CNN, Jake Tapper is sitting there listening to his colleagues be raging anti-Semites. Now you can't say that Kamala Harris couldn't pick Josh Shapiro because Josh Shapiro is Jewish, and they were having a major problem with it. But you know, you can blame AIPAC like Cori Bush has been doing and being like, Oh, my God. But listen to this 24 CNN, they're having some problems.

CNN is having a time. And I think ultimately, Shapiro, I think fit is important. But, you know, I also think that when you look at the principle of do no harm, maybe they did say, in a state like Minnesota, do we want to those 100,000 uncommitted voters who came out about the Gaza war? Do we want to antagonize those voters?

Those are all parts of part of the question as well. So can I just say, Tim Walz also spoke consolatorily towards those people. He said, Look, that uncommitted vote is significant, and those people should be heard. So having that kind of response, I think, is probably more of an open door to the parts of the party that have been very frustrated with the Democrats. So but just to just to one point on the on the on the Gaza war, Shapiro has the same position on Israel, that Governor Walz that that Senator Kelly has, he's actually been more critical of Netanyahu than the other two, but he is Jewish. And also the face of the crackdown on the protests, right?

He spoke very vehemently about those protests, anti Semitic, not all of them, the ones that were anti Semitic, he criticizes being anti Semitic, he was out front on the issue. So I'm wondering if you're not gonna best the Hamas wing of your party, dude. Hamas controls the party. Now you're gonna best the Hamas wing of the party, by the way.

So Lorraine reminds me. So the guy who was he was, he said he couldn't have. So the guy that was on her payroll, the husband security guy, he was an ex Black Panther who blamed the Jews for COVID. And then when people started being like, wow, you sound pretty like raging anti Semitic. He said, No, I can't because I'm a Jewish high priest. So there's that. Yep, that's so by Corey. Bye. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana lashes absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.