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Yeah. It's time for Florida Man.
Some of these headlines I got today. All right, so first up. I'm telling you what. This is scary. If I lived in Florida, and I love you, Florida, I love vacationing in you.
I love your food. I love going down there at 30A. I like going, I mean, the whole, every part of it, no matter what part of it, is all beautiful. Ural's water is um I mean, it's terrifying 'cause of stuff that's in it. In your sewers, municipal employees were doing a routine inspection.
Routine inspection. Oh, we got to go look at this pipe. It's underneath this Florida Road. Let's send a little camera down there just to see. Oh my gosh, there's a gator sitting in the pipe like a people.
Like a people. He's sitting there like a people. Look at him. Yeah. Juan's got it.
I think Juan's got it. It's a, they were looking, it's this concrete pipe, and they were looking to see what, you know, the structure, et cetera, et cetera. You know, as one, as, as, As skilled workers would do. And they lowered this camera down there. and they saw a gator.
It look it legit looks like he's sitting up. I can't even say the city's name, but they sh they posted a photo to Facebook showing the image of the Gator. And they use this remote-controlled camera. to check. The pipe, you know, they're looking for cracks and leaks and things like that.
Oh, but then there's more. They also had video of him. Later walking around. The pipes were fine. But he's just walking around, seeing he's wa looking with these Just sitting like a people.
Just sitting there chilling in the pipe. Can you imagine?
Now that's a sewage pipe. I don't know. Like, is he gonna come up in somebody's toilet? I don't know. I'm just saying.
They also kind of want to chill with you at your house too. Not this particular Gator, but one of his friends. An alligator, another alligator. Not the one that we had last week that knocked on someone's door. This is a new Gator knocking on someone's door.
Come and knock on my door. He got stuck in a folding chair. He needed some helps. Lee County Sheriff's Office posted a video to social media. A Gator was visiting front porches in Tortuga.
And their deputies had to come because he got his head stuck in a folding chair. And as he approached the front door, He had the chair on his head and it was hitting the door. It was almost like he was signaling for help.
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Of course, we should be talking about how, yeah, if Speaker Johnson got his way, it wouldn't be possible not just for gay people to get married, but for straight people to get divorced, let alone like birth control or how he would want to regulate porn or whatever people, most people would have a problem with. I'm what the hell is he talking about? I mean, if Speaker if Speaker Johnson got his way, all the gay people would be just illegal. What that He's not the sharpest knife in the drawer guys. That's uh The former mayor secretary, new mom, vice admiral of the canoe fleet over at Camp Wimpetonka, Poot Booty Juice.
Don't criticize, wait, hold up. Don't criticize how I say his name because our former illustrious president who had all of his brain cells. All of them. That's how he said his name, and that's the gold standard by which I operate, ladies and gentlemen. Dana Lash with you.
Welcome back. We're at the bottom of this first hour. He says that It's uh They should that Johnson was, he was going to make it to where. Gay people couldn't do anything and straight people couldn't get divorced and Yeah, I don't I don't know what he's basing that off of. Imagine, like, you just do a live stream and say whatever the hell you can you imagine if I actually took to air not knowing anything about which I was discussing and just rambled and just incoherently pulled stuff out of the ether just to suit whatever, you know.
Yeah, I would be held. I mean, they go with me all the time. I've been on air for three hours every day for years. I have a beat reporter assigned to me at Media Matters. Yes, they would find out something.
If I said anything incorrect. If they don't even like it, they go after me. I mean, to hell with it being incorrect. But if you're a Democrat, you can just Yeah, well, Mike Johnson's gonna make all the he's gonna illegal all the gays and that and the straight people they can't get divorced or have white claws. It's gonna be so bad.
Can you imagine having a 4th of July with no white claws?
So bad. No. But that's what it's like listening to him. Every time he opens his mouth to give a perspective, it's like drunk without the alcohol. It's what you feel like.
So if you've never had a drop, it feels like that. You're listening and you're like, am I sober? What? Is this supposed to make sense? I don't know.
Sort of feels like But but you know, he's he's he's trying to get He's working hard on behalf of the Dems because guys, they're going to have to. they're gonna have to try to talk to dudes. You know, the party that was like toxic masculinity is now going, wait, but wait. We messed up. Oops.
That's where they're at right now.
So they said that they're spending $20 million. trying to connect with dudes. by studying their syntax. S Y N T X. Yeah, I whatever that means.
That's what they they want to do. Audio sound by nine. Listen to this. This is one strategist literally saying exactly this. Yeah, good questions.
One, let me save the folks from the Times and all the other great print outlets some time. If you dig in on what Democrats are researching right now, you're going to find a lot of silly stuff. You're going to find people asking a lot of questions, people asking about syntax and do I drop the G from this word and this and that. And it's going to be a lot of that.
So let me just warn everybody, that process is going to be very obnoxious for this 40-something. I would also say, we're really talking about young men, right? Young men who Democrats have not figured out a consistent pitch for target number. They're toxic. And then women can be men.
I mean, you know, you guys have kicked them around for the better part of 40 years. Whether it was the Title IX stuff, whether it was promoting women over men in the name of false equality. Whatever it was, you guys have attacked dudes for endlessly, for forever. Toxic masculinity. Dudes that are young Gen Z are terrified to even date chicks.
Because of everything that the left has done.
So yeah, $20 million they think is going to help band-aid that error.
So after impugning their characters again for the better part of 40 years, now Democrats are going, wait, we messed up, hold up. Here's an excerpt. For now, Democratic donors and strategists have been gathering at luxury hotels to discuss how to win back working class voters, commissioning new projects that read like anthropological studies of people from far away places. The prospectus for one new twenty million dollar effort obtained by the Times aims to reverse the ocean of democratic support amongst young men, especially online. It's code named SAM, short for Speaking with American Men, a strategic plan, and promises investment to quote, study the syntax, language, and content that gains attention and virality in these spaces.
And it recommends buying advertisements in video games, amongst other things. All they know is that younger dudes play games, and they're like, Something, something, games. You can't just buy an ad. You know why the Democrats have not been successful in that in gaming? Because they don't play them.
And Republicans haven't been successful because they're a bunch of damn cowardly tipper gores who want to put explicit lyrics on everything. These people that attack video games, I'm like gosh, it's like I'm watching Tippergore 2.0. For the love. No, that you can't fake it. You cannot fake it.
You're either in that community or you're not. That's not one that is not a community that you can fake it with. But what is this to study the syntax? What does that mean, Kane? What the hell does that mean?
What does it mean? That's the language. They wanna they wanna hijack it. They want to understand it so they can get it. They're acting like they're foreign species.
Right. Like we have to talk like these aliens. How you do, fellow kids? They tried that once with that ad, remember? That that ad where that uh they all look like rapists.
They all look like soft rapists. That Democrat ad that they were whoa whoa man hang on hang on hang on Their version of masculine. Yeah, yeah, I'm a masculine man or something like that. What oh, yeah, Is this it? Oh, I gotta find it.
No, there's one where it's the voting one. They came out with one ad where it was like men that were bullying their women. into voting. And then there was the one where you had this one guy Who He looked like a bottom, and he was sitting on a truck going, I'm a manly man. I'm like, No, you're not.
No, you're not. You're not. The only person who probably buys more lube than you is Diddy. No, you're not. You know what Adam talking about though?
I'm sorry. I can't just now, and every single dude in that ad, they looked, it was, they were all terrifying. That was the, that was the, attempt that they had, I guess. at trying to talk to dudes and it horrified dudes. Yes, that ad that Steve just put on there.
Yes, that is it. That is the ad. That is literally it. And I mean, again, it's also the party that had David Hogg as their vice chair. Yeah, they had those weird acts like, I like steak.
I'm a man. Men like bourbon. Therefore, I like bourbon.
So you're going to think I'm a man. Like you guys want putting it up for you. My favorite was the guy who was sitting like a pageant queen on the back of a truck. Yeah, and then you have the one guy. I can't believe that they got these lines out without laughing to death.
I think he actually said, I eat trannies for breakfast. If you remember that line, he said, I eat trannies. Yeah, it was the guy in the cowboy hat. I eat trannies for breakfast. Man enough to deadlift 500.
You think I'm afraid to rebuild a carburetor? I eat carburetors for breakfast. Oh, you're carbon. I'm afraid of bears. That's what bears hugs before.
Like the one guy in the orange shirt, he's sitting like a pageant queen. That guy looks like he beats his wife. Oh, that guy looks like that guy right there. And then who's the prospector? Where the hell does this guy come from?
They just got me out of the I was prospecting for gold. But this is what. I mean, and look, he ripped his sleeves off. You know, he went to like urban outfitters and got that shirt. That guy did his arms went but this guy right here so who can I just say What man sits like this?
I mean, it's rhetorical, but none of them do. Look at him. He's like tweaking. This guy. He's in an orange polo.
And he's sitting on the back of a truck and he's turned. And he's got his hands on his leg like he's a pageant queen. And he's like, You better believe I'm a man or I'm gonna beat you. That's that's his whole aura. I'm gonna beat you vibes from that.
Well, yeah, like I don't know. Silence of the lambs, it puts the lotion in the basket. He's totally giving me those vibes. I said a little like that, and then you've got like the DMX wannabe who's sitting there, like, I'll braid the whatever out of my daughter's hair. And I'm just like, shut up.
What is the matter with you? No, dudes talk like this, they just do it. Right? I mean, if you have to sit here and tell people that you're a manly dude, men know this. Men know immediately that you're not.
And Democrats are like, the prospector kills me every time I see him because the shirt is just over the top. God love him. But I'm just trying to understand why Democrats think that they have to spend $20 million because I'm pretty sure this ad was several million dollars. How much do you think that ad was to make, Kane? From a production standpoint, it looks about what 8,000 one.
Probably get that done with about 8,000 'cause there's no names in it, so you're not paying them much at all.
So maybe $15,000. It looks like California that they were in. But they probably spent a million on this. It's like $15,000 production. They had it well in that ripped-off shirt for the prospector.
They had to go, you know. They had to go probably get him that shirt at Urban Outfitters. Just saying. They gave him nuggets, golden nuggets. He got so mad, his sleeves just poof, came right off.
They shot out the side like projectiles on that guy. That guy was the meanest one of them all. But this is what Dims. My point is that Dims did this ad. This guy right here, look at his sleeves.
I'm sorry, that's fake. Why do you cut yourself? Why do you just like put a wife beater on, man? They paid him in mining equipment. I bet he hates himself now.
You know that. And the way that he moved, that dude's an actor, and I'm all for it, but. If you're gonna wear a shirt like that, I feel like, you know, after we lost Joan Rivers, I feel like I need to rise to that occasion and fill that need from time to time, the best way that I can, knowing that I'm nowhere near close to her brilliance. But someone's got to step in and talk about this. Like, the hell, I see that and I'm like, what happened to your slaves?
Did your muscles get so mad they blew them off? Like, what happened? I don't get it. Stop. That guy's an actor.
They're all actors. Like, there was an article that talked about how they were all hired from an agency. These people have these. People are real. This guy probably never rode a damn bike in his life.
And he's like, I'm working on my bike. And he's got his, you know, he probably doesn't even know what his tools are. The whole point is that Democrats tried this before. They spent millions, they did this ad, they did like three ads last cycle. And how do they show men?
The first one was they did an ad where they were trying to show conservative men, Republican men, like they were going to beat their wives if they didn't vote for Trump, right? for the love. And then they're like, well, I guess we better walk it back. We need to appeal to men instead of, I guess, making them look like they're horrible people. And so they did this ad that made them look like they're horrible people.
The most unlikable actors. It's like they went to the agency. Yes, give me the most unlikable actors you have. I want women to flinch when they see them on the screen. That's what I want.
That's what we're going for. Yes, Kane. I think they literally thought, let's get a cross-section of what we think MAGA looks like. And we're going to message that way. Like we're going to message as though we're reaching out to the MAGA crowd.
I mean, it's just so shallow. Yes, I can deadlift this and then I can braid my daughter's hair. Like one excludes the other. I'm mad. I don't think you quite understand the concept of chivalry.
Oh my gosh. It just I can't stand this.
So they're spending $20 million donor dollars. Let me clarify that.
So Democrats get donations.
So the people who've been donating to the Democrat Party Whatever Brain Trust brought you those ads. Those are the people that are going to be trying to refine their messaging to dudes. Oh, this is I want them to know you want them to do this. We want them to do this. I'm just picture it.
Content gold. Oh my gosh, we're going to make so much fun of this. It's going to be insane. And if they have Secretary Newman, Vice Admiral of the Canoe Fleet, Rear Vice Admiral of the Canoe Fleet, Campbell, Wimpy Tonka. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Booty juice. If they have him spearheading this, oh, please, for the love of all things, holy, let this happen. I don't ask for a lot. No, hold up. I asked for a Dotson for my birthday and I didn't get one.
So at least give me the. And I asked it for Wick, my rescue dog. I was like, he needs a dog. It makes so much s because he does wink. He does.
I didn't get that, so can I have this? Can I have this? Mother's Day was last month, like earlier this month. It's not over yet. I can still get like a belated Mother's Day.
So this could happen, and we could see have Poop Booty Juice leading this, and the messaging would be endless. Oh my gosh, guys. Like, I am here for the summer of cis. I am totally here for that. The only Christian conservative cell phone service that is out there that's in existence, and they want to save you money.
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So spend it wisely by investing in your goals and future. Every moment at Miller Mott College gets you closer to a career that makes you proud. Visit us online at miller-mott.edu. That's miller-m-o-t-t-e dot edu. The Supreme Court sides with parents and common sense about whether they can protect their kids from indoctrination at school.
A House Democrat wants to radically overhaul Congress and the courts. Quite a temper tantrum for losing last year. And the numbers don't lie about how much better Florida is than New York over the past 25 years. I'm Greg Corumbus, inviting you to join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the Three Martini Lunch Podcast. We'll give you the good, bad, and crazy news of the day, and hopefully, a lot of laughs too.
Follow the 3 Martini Lunch on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's Quick Five. A St. Louis man was arrested after sitting naked in the St.
Louis Terminal Airport. Did they ever remove the uh. plywood from the windows from that tornado some years ago. I asked them that three years after the tornado hit, and Lambert, the official X account, went at me. They hire the best.
The St. Louis County Circuit Judge signed an arrest warrant for a guy who sat naked inside of the airport terminal. Probable cause statement. It happened April 25th, Terminal 1. The guy's named Darius Walker.
He attempted to cover himself when somebody approached. He was sitting in the terminal chair, belt unbuckled.
So it sounds like he had clothes. If his belt was unbuckled. Maybe the people at Fox 2 now, maybe they could write a decent story that clarifies this before they finalize a headline. That would be super helpful for people trying to share the news.
Meanwhile, let's see if the New York Post did one better. A seven-year-old boy drove his little sister nine miles in his mom's SUV to get a McDonald's happy meal. That's a good big brother. Wait, no, it's not. Stop.
You're seven years old. You can't be driving a car. He drove his sister nine miles, his little baby sister. And the mom was shocked. She goes, he's probably grounded for the rest of his life.
They were in Utah, and it was 8 a.m. and police were called. They were alerted to a reckless driver. And the SUV did not come to a stop until they hit a parking strip and they found a seven-year-old and a five-year-old inside unscathed. And they made it nine miles from their home, cash in hand, to buy happy meals.
That's gonna be a story they're gonna tell for the rest of their lives. Thankfully, nobody was hurt. But can I just ask, how in the hell you, mom, did not know that your kids had taken a car and driven nine miles away when they're seven and five years old? Oh, I can't be judgmental. Yes, because I've had two kids, like that separated that age distance.
I think I would know if my kids took my car and drove to McDonald's.
So I don't know, like, what was happening in that house? I mean, watch your kids. Let's see. Uh, and mm. This AI of dead Arizona road rage victim addresses killer in court.
They use this in court. A clip of a guy who was killed in 2021 said, I believe in forgiveness after his sister fed an AI model videos of him. And they used it in court. I don't like that. at all and that should not I don't think that should be allowed that is creepy And that is really creepy.
I know. And how? No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no. I don't know.
We got a couple headlines in here repeatedly. Let's see. Going back up. This. The uh A tourist was bitten by a crocodile while taking a selfie at a zoo because he thought the animal was fake.
Well, in his defense, they do say very still. They do. He was 29 years old, but his problem was that he literally climbed in the enclosure. And he was promptly bitten by a female crocodile. He thought it was fake, and so he climbed into the enclosure to get a photo with it.
But again, it was fake. The zookeeper had to go in and hit the crocodile on the head to get her to open her mouth. And he got more than 50 stitches for his injuries. And I hope that they billed him for any injuries to the crocodile since he climbed into the enclosure. Goodness.
Good afternoon.
Sorry. Good afternoon.
I am Corporal Carly McCann, Provincial Public Information Officer for the Nova Scotia RCMP. Thank you all for being here today. Bonjour, I la Caparelle Carly McCann, Agent d'Information Public College Nouvelle Casse. Merci, devote present today. First, I acknowledge that we are in Mi'kma'ki, the traditional and unceded ancestral territory of the Mi'kmaq people.
I also recognize that African Nova Scotians are a distinct people whose histories, legacies, and contributions have enriched that part of Mi'kma'ki, known as Nova Scotia, for over 400 years. That's exactly what that is.
So that's the police. They were holding a press conference on missing kids. What? Yeah. Yeah, they were holding a press conference on two missing kids.
and they started off with a land acknowledgment. Shut up. I don't care what stupid land you're on. That's so dumb. You're talking about missing kids.
First, we can't get started until we acknowledge that we're on the missing lands of the Lilliputian people. And we have to thank the Lilliputians for allowing us to have this press conference here before we start talking about the missing kids, which are actually not as important as acknowledging the Lilliputians. That's how dumb this sounds. You're talking about missing kids, like little kids, a six-year-old and a four-year-old. They've been missing in rural Canada for four days.
And they had rescuers combing the woods looking for them. And it is the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. That's the R C M P that she mentioned. And It's they had helicopters, everything. But They could not start.
until they did a land acknowledgment. That These are not serious people. I have literally never hurt that since this is such it's a perform it's performative theater. It is performative theater. You have time is critical.
Two kids are missing. Families have their hearts broken. And this stooge, broad, gets up there. Oh, we're gonna do a lot What? What this doesn't even make any sense.
Is it like she sounds she sounds like a hostage video? Uh that's so that is I'm just Shocked. I I I don't know, man. That's can you imagine if you're the family and you've got you know your kids are missing And you have the the Police lady, get up there and go. Uh, well, we recognize that we are on the land of the uh Lilliputians and, um You know, that's what That that's inc that's crazy.
Mm-hmm. It's They didn't start off talking about the kids, they started talking about that. I mean, again, it's performative as I'll get out. It's so incredibly performative. I don't know.
I don't know how long that lady's been on the forest or not, but good heavens. Um I I it just shocked me. It shocked me. I don't understand the land acknowledgements. Nobody cares about land acknowledgement.
Everybody stole land from everybody, and you didn't steal it. It was conquered. You went in and you either moved and acclimated or you got conquered. People have been conquered all throughout history. Whenever anybody talks about Mount Rushmore.
Well, guess what? The Lakota took it from someone. Who did you steal it from? Lakota stole it. Who did they steal it?
They took it from Chippewa. Where did they take it before that? I mean, it's so stupid. Just quit. What does any of that have to do with missing kids?
Sorry, we have to pay the indulgence. Of mentioning these people before we can start talking about the bigger story of literal missing children. And you wonder why Canada is circling the crapper. That's why. Good heavens.
Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Time is the one thing you can't get back, so spend it wisely by investing in your goals and future. Every moment at Miller Mott College gets you closer to a career that makes you proud. Visit us online at miller-mott.edu.
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