Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast, sponsored by Caltech. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. I'm trying to make this one make sense.
So this was in Port Charlotte. A Florida man, now let's just listen to this one sentence, listen to this first sentence. The Florida man known to throw cans of food and other items around a Florida neighborhood. as one would do. and at others, was arrested after a neighbor said he threw canned corn through her window and broke it.
Per the arrest affidavit. This happened on April 25th. A woman called Charlotte County Sheriff's Office to report vandalism. She said she was outside. She heard the sound of glass breaking.
She turned around and find one of her neighbors, 38-year-old. Earls Ernest Sandville running from another neighbor's front yard back towards his home. Uh the left Front window was found broken at the top, like somebody threw something through the glass. The witness got a key from another neighbor in the neighborhood who watches the owner's house when she's away, went into the home to see what happened, and that's when they found a can of Del Monte corn. Inside.
The guy apparently is literally known in the area. He goes to the food banks, gets food, and then goes and throws it around at people and cars and houses. Because they need food? He has also thrown bottles of urine. and chunks of raw meat.
Oh. Yeah, so they're pressing charges because they go, he's always just throwing things at people.
So, why is he like not? How long has this been going on? Apparently, a really long time.
So now they're actually going to finally do something and press charges against this guy. I mean, that's kind of crazy that it goes on that long. Come on. A Florida man frustrated with the McDonald's drive-thru just tried stealing the cash register.
Okay, well there's other things you can do to express your discontentment. But uh this one, Cape Coral. The guy tried to steal a cash drawer at the McD's because he was frustrated in the drive-thru. It was four in the morning. Police responded to a robbery in progress.
and they said he got into an argument with an employee, tried stealing the register and took off in his car. They caught up with him. Uh he was taken into custody. They also put his photo all over social media. Like what like Control thyself.
Florida man is arrested for having three wives in three different counties. Yeah, that is not an okay thing to do, feller. They say the women said that there weren't adequate safeguards to prevent it. I don't know, maybe being a little bit curious about what the hell he's doing when he's not with you. That's probably one safeguard, you know, just like your woman's innate suspicion.
Do you really need the government to go?
Well, since you Broads are too stupid to realize that he's got three wives and three counties, we're going to have to expand ourselves and make a law. Come on now. They're saying there's no safeguards. He took each one of us to a county to get married, said one of the wives. Uh they're looking I mean, I how does that happen?
How does something like that happen? Uh he m married uh apparently one of them within the same year, or two of them within the same year. And uh in 2022 And I just How would you not know? They met him they met him on a dating app. And uh I just don't understand how you wouldn't know.
He was arrested for felony bigamy. and uh after the first wife figured out that there were two others. That's kind of. ASC, birthday suit bandit, naked Florida man caught trying to break into a lady's home. And then I got another story, I'll save this for you for Monday, but a Florida man is accused of touching realtors' feet.
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Learn more at Keltechweapons.com, Innovation Performance, Keltech. That's K-E-L-T-E-C-Weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you. Everybody on the internet was sending me the other story of the guy. Who?
I can't believe. It's 2025 and this is a headline that I have. This is the stupidest. time in the world. A guy stuck his hand down his pants and defecated in his hand and then smeared it on a Tesla.
Now I had that was just the floor to me. I had a different floor to me in story where a guy. Through I don't know whose it was. Or dog poop at a Tesla. This guy literally caught it from his own backside.
And And there's video 'cause of the sentry. mode on Teslas. They have cameras all around it. Got a photo of the guy. I don't know if that's assault or what that is.
That's nasty, I know. Yeah, assault, that's right. I I've been mad before in my life. You know, I've gotten mad. You've been mad, Kane, right?
I sure have. We've been righteously indignant on a number of occasions, justifiably. And sometimes I'm mad just because, like, I stub my toe. And I'm like, oh, and I get mad at the inanimate object in my way because, you know, genius. And I've You know, always, you know, you get mad and you I don't know.
I've never been so mad. Where I thought I'm so mad. I'm gonna go touch some poop. Just never, ever thought. I would be that angry over and that's why I really don't understand these people.
That get did he have like did he wash his hands after I don't know like why am I even asking these questions I mean part of my brain was like peeled like separated from the rest of my brain and just sort of floated out and was like but hey Are his breeches dirty now? Like, what, you know, and like, did he have a spare pair of pants? Did he need a spare pair of pants? Does it matter? You know, I just, all these questions.
I think I would have to get a new vehicle if somebody did that to mine though. If somebody smeared it with feces, I'd have to get a whole new car. What? It's totaled. What are you talking about?
You just washed your car. No. You didn't touch it with your hand. I don't care. It touched my car.
I touched my car with my hand.
So it's like poop on your car all day. It's second degree nasty. But birds poop on your car all the time. And you've probably run over poop before. You didn't even know it.
And you just went through the car wash and washed it right off. And you could have that was an animal. This is a dude. This is dude poo. And I think that I couldn't drive it anymore.
Dude, poo, yeah. I and I'm sure everyone in the chat would be like, uh-huh, it sounds right. I mean, look. It's one thing if a bird duties on your car, but a grown man is, I know, my car's totaled.
So at that point. You're selling it? Wait a minute. Are you. I'm going to file with my insurance and be like, it's destroyed.
Your insurance will never take that. It'll never take it. It's destroyed. When you go to resell the car, though, do you disclose that? Do you have to?
Like, if somebody's killed in your house for haunted purposes or whatever, don't you have to disclose it? Yeah, that's it. If somebody gets murked in your house, do you have to do that with this? When you put the ad out, do you have to say once had doo-poo on it? Dude poo.
Part of me is fascinated by this because I have, in many instances, the humor of a 12-year-old boy. And then the other part of me is repulsed by this because I cannot believe people are doing this. I legit, I could not drive my car. It is so, I get real weird about germs to the point where I am ridiculously extra sidebar.
So ridiculous.
So you've been in medieval times, right? Yeah. I look at medieval times. I've taken my kids there. They loved it.
You know, take the fan when they visit. They think it's great. But I I treat it like a picnic.
Okay. Because it kind of is.
So you go in and you eat everything with your hands. There's there's like new silverware.
So When I go when I go into medieval times, I have silverware and I have napkins and I have wet ones and I'm like ready to rock. And I sat my husband was sitting by me when we were the last time we were there, we took family in. It's 'cause they don't have anything like this in St. Louis. And My husband was simultaneously impressed and horrified.
And he looked at me, like, take out like all of my little accoutrements. Like, here's my silverware and my napkins and my wet ones, and all. And he just could not believe I had that all that stuffed in a little giant, little tiny bag that I have, and that I had all of it. It's like a Harry Potter bag, and that I had all of this in there, and I was passing it around. And other people at the medieval times were like, I'm like, yeah, I'm not going to have dirty, greasy hands because, oh, not doing that.
Not doing it. I I I liked it, but I was also like, there's no point I don't want the grease aspect of the experience. Can I have the experience sans grease? That would be great.
So Long story short, Um I couldn't drive that car. I couldn't do it. Is that too Steve, would you what I couldn't drive the car if someone smeared dood poo on your car, could you drive it? Because they hated you because you had a Tesla? The outside of the car, just if you could just drive through one of those, like uh car wash, you don't have to touch your car, you just let it do it itself.
Oh I don't like those. Were the cookie monsters shake furiously? Were you worried it's gonna scratch it? Yeah. I'm really one of those people with cars, too.
I'm like, no, my car's got to be babied. I'm like a dude about my car.
Well, it's just if you pay a detailer, though. Yeah, a detailer will do it for you. You don't have to touch it. You can take it. What do you tell the detailer?
That it's a dude poo, and they'll clean it right off. You ain't got to tell me. Or they would be like, that is a biohazard, ma'am. You know why the dude will clean the dude poo off? Because you're paying him to do it.
He might have seen worse. It's not more. You're just taking the car and it gets washed in detail. Could you just get it off with a flamethrower? I would even assert that it's not even, you don't even have to legally disclose there's dude poo on the car.
There is a thought. If I was in the car and somebody did that, I may get so enraged that I would do it right back. What? Wait, don't no. No.
I don't know, man. I don't know. I'm just saying. These people are messed up. Don't go live.
I could never match that energy. I don't think I could, but I'd be real mad. I'd probably run him over and then I'd say, my car is totaled up. And fall out of my car like LeBron. And your blood on my car.
Yeah, I know. You got my car all gross. I can't with you. Oh my gosh. I just these I I don't know I I haven't seen like a peep from the folks that I know on social media that were complaining about all of the.
You know, their private information and all of this stuff, all the way up to the fact I haven't seen, they haven't seen, they haven't said anything about this. They haven't said anything about it.
So I'm thinking You know, if they keep doing this, I might. Consider a Tesla. And you know how I am about EVs? They're of the devil. That'd be a big step for you.
Yeah, it's like, you know, mmm, they're weird. And I don't want anything that's self-driving. That locks me in and drives me to my death. I don't want anything like that. I just want.
You know, I I ju I don't know, just because if it's a status symbol of rebellion, I'm all about that. That's how you that's my love language. That'll put a target on you back for those leftist terrorists. I already have one. But maybe, maybe some of us train.
And some of us are like, boy, when do we get to use all these skills? That we never get to use, but we home, but never get to use. They have all these fancy guns and night optics and all this other stuff. And I mean, it's great to do drills at home, but at some point we're like, we're just sorry, Wick, the dog. Yeah, you know what?
I think I'm for you getting a Tesla now. I'm not saying that I would actively go out and look for trouble, but I would not say that it would be unwelcome should it find me. Right. Trouble would be looking for you. Yeah.
No, it's and then trouble would have to worry about getting away from me. Because, like I said, you guys know it. It's like the, there's the, I don't know who'd made the joke, but there's the joke out there where it's, you know, you never want to, there's certain people's homes you never want to break into because they live for the moment when they literally have to, you know, you know, you can't. Yeah. You gotta be real careful out there.
I'm just saying, but at some point these people are going to mess around with the wrong person and then they're going to scream and cry injustice and all this other nonsense. And I don't know. I don't know. But I thought if I did get one. I would like there to be like a rack of guns that came out.
both sides of the back passenger. But Dana, where will your guests sit? I don't care. They can like ride on the top. I don't care.
We'll strap them up there like a Mitt Romney dog. I don't care. You know, just put 'em up there. Anyway, like slightly joking. But just to be real obnoxious.
And is there anything I can do to make 'cause aren't the cyber trucks quiet? Is there anything I can do to make it loud? I like loud cars. Like my car sounds like that's what my car it sounds like a giant dude is going to get out of the car. And instead, it's just me and I can't park.
So. Unless it's parallel or backing in. I've been talking way too much about the car thing, but it fascinates me endlessly, I have to say. But the FBI is investigating all of this stuff. They're investigating all the incidents, and Bondi has threatened severe consequences for all of this.
This on top of the swatting.
So I mean, can you imagine?
Well, it's summer. Is this just because it's getting summer and it's like summer of violence again and they got to get something to get mad about? Typically th all that stuff dies down when it's way too cold outside. Yeah, and now it's getting warm, so they're like, oh, we don't have to be lazy anymore. Because their passion.
is The life of their passion is determined by the temperature. Yeah. Yeah. There, so I you're gonna start seeing this more and more. We have the summer, this summer of discontent.
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So apparently, they are doing another Space Balls, a theatrical release that's going to be in what, 2027, I think it was. Variety decided to do a pop-up ad that all of a sudden out of nowhere to block this.
So I'm going to have to reopen it. Mel Brooks is apparently going to return in it, and I don't know how I feel about it. Um because Josh Gad's in it and I'm not a Josh Gadd fan. Do you like Josh Gadd? He was the guy who played the snowman in, um...
Frozen. It was his voice, but Mel Brooks is returning as yogurt, and uh, I don't know, like I said, I don't know how I feel about it. I was a fan of the first, and I'm gonna. reserve, I guess, my criticisms. Uh yeah.
Yeah, but still. Cardio Before or After Waits, new research might finally have the answer. They're saying that. it actually might be better to do it after you do your weights. Yeah, do cardio after.
They said that people who did cardio after they lifted weights, they had actually had better results than if you did cardio before you lifted weights, and that they felt more focused and they felt better throughout the day. I thought that was kind of interesting. No, I don't know. I don't like cardio. I think your cardio should be, you know, like whatever is in.
In between your sets, right? In India, at least one passenger survived the crash of an Air India airliner carrying 242 passengers and crew. It was en route to the UK from India. There's like one survivor, they said. There's one guy that walked away from it.
That is crazy. But they said that it crashed shortly after takeoff, carrying 242 passengers. and crew. That's insane. Also, let's see here because Safari is the worst browser on guides.
Green Earth. The uh let's see. They said U.S. the protests in LA, they said CNN was complaining about the smell of weed in the air. Uh let's see also The NPR newsroom was awash in sex, drugs, and rock and roll, complete with a staff cocaine dealer.
Is Hunter Biden involved in this? Yeah, I'm really, I don't know about that. I really don't know about that. That seems a little weird. I got a crazy story, then we're gonna get into the JFK stuff.
I know. You're like, what's crazier than the JFK story? Have you guys seen this movie? See if this sounds familiar. Scientists, uh, these scientists, right, they're trapped in Antarctica.
And they've been begging for help. They're a bunch of South African scientists. and they're begging for help. They say that they are trapped in this isolated base camp. on a cliff in Antarctica.
They're on the edge of a cliff. And they got a team member. who went crazy. They got violent.
Now they're accusing him of assault, threatening violence. against colleagues. I've seen this movie. Kurt Russell was in this movie. Like early Kurt Russell, remember?
They were on they had uh They're on in In Arctica, and there was an alien that came in, and it was infecting people, and people were getting real violent. And I think I also saw this in True Detective, the latest one with Jodi Foster. But this is real. This one's real. Like, so imagine you're this is what was happening, apparently, you know, as we were going through winter.
This is what they were dealing with. These scientists were on the edge of a cliff. in Antarctica. The overwintering team. They say it's a obviously a remote and extreme environment.
They were going to be 15 months at this base. They knew they were going to be in isolation. But then now, this one guy who's there with them is being accused of being mentally unstable. They usually go undergo all of these psychometric tests. To ensure that they can withstand the stress of this isolation.
And it's the Department of Forestry, Fisheries, and the Environment. They manage the South African National Antarctic Program. And now they're going to retest them. But this base is cut off from the world for the next 10 months because of the winter. And they said that they're accusing the team of the team member of physical and sexual assault.
That he's dangerous. No one feels safe in his presence. They say his behavior is deeply disturbing. All of this stuff. I don't know if you guys see where the, if you've seen where the base camp is.
I mean, it's literally like the set of a horror film. It is legit on the edge of a cliff. Great place to put it. Mm-hmm. And they said that they had raised concerns about this team member's behavior before.
And now, the only way that they can leave is like a medical EVAC, emergency EVAC through a German base that's almost 200 miles away. Oh my gosh, this is just like. They said that the Powers of B had a lot of time to remedy the situation. Juan is showing you the base right now, it's like the shining part two. On the edge of a cliff, they're all trapped there, and a dude there is going bonkers.
Violent, he's sexually assaulting everybody, beating everybody. He's crazy, and they said he's mentally unstable. And uh So they're trying to figure out what to do. They said that they're monitoring the situation. and they've launched an investigation.
I mean, I gotta tell you, it sounds a little bit like heaven, getting away from everything, being cut off for 10 months. I like that. I really like that. I don't like the snow though. Stick me on an uninhabited island.
I'll make my shelter. I'll fish. I'll do what I gotta do. I'll be fine. I don't like the snow so much.
I'm not into that. It's dry, it's nasty, it's cold, the But um That's a horror film. I wouldn't go on I I wouldn't be isolated with other people. You know? Maybe like my family, but that's it.
I wouldn't want to be isolated with a bunch of people because even like, you know, the closest to you, they get annoying after a while. You're like, no, I'm not a people person after all. But that's a you think that they would have gone through all of the evaluations before they sent everybody I mean, they said they did, but apparently they really need to reevaluate their evaluations. What do you do with a guy who's I mean, you're down there. How do you sleep at night?
You gotta lock him in his room? What do you do? They got to get him out of there. How are you going to get work done if you're trapped on the edge of a cliff in a shining like base in Antarctica? Can you I I don't know.
It's it it's Sort of sounds uh I It is, it's a movie they're gonna make a movie about this. But I saw that with a thing. That's a great that's a great alien movie. But that's been going on the whole time. Like, we've been living our lives up here, watching astronauts come in.
In the meantime, sheer horror in Antarctica with these scientists. I bet they're peeking around everywhere. I don't mean to make light of it, but Jiminy, Christmas, you sign up what you think is going to be like this work event of a lifetime, and you go down there with a crazy person. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
