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Absurd Truth: Trump Narrates NatGeo

Dana Loesch Show / Dana Loesch
The Truth Network Radio
September 29, 2023 3:31 pm

Absurd Truth: Trump Narrates NatGeo

Dana Loesch Show / Dana Loesch

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September 29, 2023 3:31 pm

The Navy will start randomly testing SEALs and special warfare troops for steroids. Meanwhile, during a Trump campaign speech in South Carolina in which he mentions windmills and whales, we imagine what Trump narrating a NatGeo documentary would sound like.

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It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. All right, so a couple of things we're having I would like to today's like the day of having like major crazy difficulties with tech so forgive me here I'm trying to do everything I can. Let's see the couple of things there. We had this trying to pull a couple of things up here. I may have to have you pull it up King.

Actually, I'm having such a hard time here with everything. Oh, here we got this. Alright, Florida man accused a cycle accused a cyclist of being with the CIA tried headbutting police told officers to take him to jail. Well, he is a cyclist.

You know, so you know, what do you expect? Now the Jupiter Florida 2911 calls were placed Tuesday night regarding to hit run a car doing donuts in a parking lot and a man whose bike was run over by reckless driver. The driver 31 year old Jesse Martinez was found by authorities on the side of the South Coastal Highway in his SUV. He smelled like a liquor bottle according to the arrest report. And before the police could take him into custody, they dealt with kicking, headbutting, a violent threat making and a peculiar witness statement. So they is a 34 year old bicyclist.

Blaze Steinbach. They said prior to that they contacted this guy who said he was nearly run over. But yeah, they when they got there, he accused his victim of working with the CIA. And that that's why apparently he had targeted him. So Martinez allegedly ran down Steinbach causing him to leave out of the way leave his bicycle to be hit. And then when they finished taking the bicycle a statement, it was the driver's turn, a DUI investigation, he failed every test, he couldn't even he couldn't touch heel to toe on any step. And so they ended up taking him to jail. So he's got seven charges.

A whole bunch of charges. I mean, there's people I don't know. The Oh, my gosh, check this out. Florida. It's an Alabama school bus, but it's a Florida man. He impersonates a student to ride with a 15 year old girl. Florida man's under arrest, because he got on a school bus to impersonate himself as a student or to impersonate himself as a student to ride with a 15 year old girl. Police on Wednesday were dispatched to Enterprise High School after a teacher discovered the 23 year old dude from Pompano on the bus, Dennis Wimberley, 23 years old was immediately taken into custody on a charge of criminal trespass.

They learned that he arranged to meet the 15 year old got on the bus, she assisted him and getting him on the bus. And they had transmitted obscene material via cell phone. So he's charged with second degree rape on lawful possession of drug paraphernalia. He was booked into a Coffee County jail where he remains held without bond.

Man, that dude's gonna have a record forever. And also this guy was arrested for he was a possession of a threatened tortoise. Edrick Acres, 53 of Eustis, Florida, was charged for the possession of the threatened gopher tortoise, which poor little baby had to live in a five gallon bucket.

So he was arrested, taken in custody for a turtle. Does it seem like every time you turn around or open up your wallet, you're shocked at the changes that have directly impacted your life in just two and a half years, there's something that you can do to protect the value of your hard earned savings and retirement accounts. Contact the folks at American Hartford Gold and talk to them about your options and diversifying your assets. Empower yourself with opportunity.

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That's 866-887-1188 or text Dana to 998899. Can I I saw this this this I have some serious thoughts on this. So the Associated Press says the Navy is going to start randomly testing special operations troops for steroids. The first such program in the US military. Okay, I am made of so many simultaneous comments all firing off in my head at the exact same time. I there seems to be a little bit of inconsistency here. So where do I start it?

Where do I start? My first thought is I want my spec ops juice to the absolute heavens. Number one. Number two. You're going to be upset if spec ops are using steroids, but you're not going to be upset if someone wants to chop off their schlong a la Dresden dolls backs or a Dresden dolls sex change song and become like have a gender reassignment surgery.

surgery. I, I am really hasn't it always kind of been? Well, I mean, it's always been known when you go into special disciplines within our within Armed Services.

There's certain things that happen in order for our soldiers to be super effective at their particular missions. And they know it. We know it. That goes with the territory.

Now we're going to what? Wait a minute. I mean, if you are a dude, you want to be a chick. That's okay.

But heaven forbid you be on steroids. What? Yeah, like what? What in the world? What?

We're military can be weakened. But we can't have you get Chad's. I don't get it. I don't get it. It's ma'am. Wait, why am I doing that?

Because I have it here. Wait a minute. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Excuse me. It's ma'am. It is ma'am.

She sounds hideous. Well, she's a guy. So yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah.

So the same. Um, I, I, I said that they're gonna start doing this. They've already made the decision to start it according to AP. So they're going to start randomly testing spec ops for steroids. First time this has ever happened.

Can you randomly? Whoa, whoa. Are you? Oh man, I can't say that. What I was just going to say.

Can you go ahead? What were you going to say? What if you finish the sentence? We're going to start testing for steroids to make sure they're on steroids. Like then I'd be okay with it.

Then I'd be fine. Yeah. Because I want them on steroids. I want those guys to be the most jacked giga chads out there. Yeah, I yeah, because that's because that's that's because that's what I want. So if you're testing for steroids to make sure they're taking steroids, I'm cool with that. Yeah. If you're testing to like to make sure they're on them, I want that. I would like that. But so spec ops can't use steroids, but trainees can tech taxpayers can fund trainees sex change surgery.

Well, wait a minute. What if you need to be on steroids because you're a chick who wants to ID as a dude? Is that a thing that they do? Is that one of the things that they take to be like this steroids, but I don't know, like, what if they want to, you know, get jacked or something?

I don't know, like how that works. I mean, we don't know enough about hormones period. So I know about as much as they know already about long term abuse of hormones for the human body. So we're equal there. And that's true. There's no long term studies fight me. That's that's so we're equal with that knowledge base.

I mean, I, I, I want them to be on all the roads, give them all the tea, give them all the roads, give them everything. Like you said, Giga Chad's. Here's a story. When my grandfather was in World War Two, he was on USS Alabama. I have no idea how he was on the USS Alabama. And here's why I say this. Dude was like, six, three.

Okay. My grandfather was six, three. My grandpa was a Giga Chad. He was not fat.

We have like a crazy metabolism in our family. My grandfather was shredded wheat till the day he died. He was a rancher, though, like he had, you know, he was, he, I mean, was fit dude was washboard. He was just like shredded all the way up until he passed.

Like we were it just it's how he was that was life. And when he was in the Navy, and the reason I say I don't know how he was on this ship, because were they sleep? I don't know how he slept there. Their bunks were like wee little bitty. I don't know how any of these dudes slept there.

I mean, maybe if you were like a toddler, you could fit, but I don't know how it happened. Anyway, long story short, he, we found out after he was in the VA because he was exposed to a ton of radiation. Apparently, I guess they were with they were like within fallout range after the bomb was dropped. He regardless when he went in because he had like, apparently this wild, slow growing cancer was like the slowest growing cancer apparently that they had seen. They wrote papers on what he had and apparently was him and some other veterans. And they discovered that he had been exposed to a ton of radiation, right? So he's in, you know, the VA, we're hearing all these stories for the first time, because that generation just never talked about it, right?

I mean, my gosh, you wouldn't even know some of them were in the war, unless they wore a hat. They just didn't talk about it. And when he was in the hospital, you know, my mom and her siblings had to ask, Dad, what happened? Because why were you exposed to so much radiation?

This is crazy. And that's when he was telling them about what he saw during the war. And then it came out.

He was on the USS Missouri when they signed the treaty with Japan. And we thought, well, how did that happen? And he was like, Oh, maybe it's because I was from Missouri. And we're like, No, no, no, that's that doesn't sound right. Well, as it turns out, we figured out why.

So I love the psyops. I love how they thought. They picked tall gigachads to stand on the route where the Emperor and the Japanese delegation walked the tallest guys in the world. They picked to stand there. So they'd look like giants. When the Japanese came to surrender.

My grandpa was six, three. Go figure. That's why he was on the USS Missouri, because he was huge. He's a gigachad, tall and lean, a mean machine. And I want that for our military.

I want them to be able to be total gigachads. Right? So I don't see why this is the case. I don't get this.

Why is there? Oh, my gosh, we can't have spec ops cheating to go after terrorists. Oh, heavens, no. Are you taking performance enhancing ass kicking drugs? We just need to find out about this. We can't have it wouldn't be peds. What would you call that?

piakadids? Are you guys cheating to kill the bad guys? We need to find out.

Really? This isn't Major League Baseball. I want you to be cheating. Who is it that said war is cheating? Who wins the war?

War is cheating. Who was it that said that? I need to know that. Hang on. I we're not going anywhere. I figured out Friday. What is it that they I hope they're I swear this was like a Where do we just read? I literally just read something about this. Anyone who says you don't cheat?

No, if you're not if you're not cheating, then you're not you're not really fighting. I don't want to hear it. So I Oh, you know what, you know what it was in lioness tail Sheridan series. So apparently wasn't like a total but you get what I'm saying. I don't understand why this is the thing.

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CaltechWeapons.com. And now all of the news you would probably miss it's time for Dana's quick five. So this is interesting. New York is sinking. NASA has revealed hotspots that are dipping more than twice as fast as the entire metropolitan region. They include LaGuardia, they've dropped point 15 inches annually. And they said that it's that really it's sinking under the weight of skyscrapers. Okay, so, but every horror movie that I've ever seen, it's built on a network of tunnels that go down into a pit where a monster lives.

So how does that work? How does it sink? Wouldn't it just fall through? It's like very Venice-y.

I was gonna say it's very, very Venice-like. Let's see a crash incoming. Entire US Treasury yield curve moves toward or above 5%, raising the risk that something's gonna break. All the things are gonna break. I don't like this either. I don't like any of this. You know, I'm just.

All right, so we'll talk we'll come back to more economic stuff. This is kind of interesting, a very unique George Washington letter written in 1777, in which he says God in heaven in the American independence emerges for sale for the first time. It's been valued at $275,000 by a collection auction house in Philadelphia. And it's the only Washington letter from the Revolutionary War mentioning heaven. Now it's a daily mail piece, which means that their headlines are barely literate, and the leads buried and they end their sentences and preposition because God helped them.

None of them ever went to J school and learned how to write a balanced sentence or spell. But ultimately, it means that he says that God in heaven supported the American independence in this letter. And it's the only letter during the Revolutionary War in which he's mentioned heaven and mentioned in this regard.

But it was written in October of 1777, right after he heard about the first victory over the British during the Revolutionary War. So that went on sale. It looks so it's going to fetch you know, if you got a if you got a nice you know, six figures 270 something laying around 270,000 laying around, it can be yours. What would you do with it though?

I mean, you'd have to put it in a special case because it's this like old timey parchment and, you know, all of this stuff. So cannabis overuse is linked to heart failure and heart attacks, according to a study from Forbes. People say that weed use is really skyrocketing, though.

Is it? It's been legalized in a lot of states recently. So I imagine Yeah, you know, I because I know like a ton of conservatives and libertarians and it's weird because you would always think the libertarians are the potheads. They're not though.

Like I don't know any libertarians that actually I don't know. But so when they say overuse cannabis, are they talking about the fancy stuff that you get in like those California shops where they have it by different types? Is that what so real so so they say that adults who overuse I didn't know you could do it cannabis 60% are more likely to experience heart failure, strokes and heart attacks compared to adults of the same age and gender without what they call cannabis use disorder, which is a stupid phrase. Stop making something a product for big pharma. Can we please not everything is the syndrome. Not everything is a disorder.

Stop it. It's led by a team of researchers in Canada. And they said it was a report published Thursday by addiction 30,000 participants. So they actually did, you know, look at a pretty significant portion of them. And apparently cannabis use disorder impacts around 27 to 34% of use it.

What is that used to sort just because they overuse it? That's so dumb. All right. So I have to because this is one of the funniest sound bites of the week. And it's about nature. It's about nature, guys, nature. So apparently, South Carolina has wind turbines in the ocean.

It's a free it's a serious issue, but it's just so funny. Because think about it. It's like wind turbines in the oceans, you know, nature's blenders, the oceans blender. Okay. It is. It's a scrambling up, scrambling up all your whales and dolphins. Yeah.

Why are you laughing? It's still can I just say windmills are the stupidest damn thing I've ever they are so stupid. If I was an alien, I'd want to blow up our planet because they'd be like, look at these stupid people putting up these stupid and they're not like the rounded ones either like the cute ones that you see over in like the Netherlands and stuff with the tulips. They're they're giant space knives. That's what they're they're they're a bunch of damn knives and they we just spin them around.

And then we're like, damn, it's killing the eagles and everything. Shocking. Like, what do you think was gonna happen? Anyway?

Oh, I agree. What time did I send this last night? Hell, I don't even know. It was a what time did I Oh, too terribly late. Oh, no, it wasn't at all. What am I thinking of? Oh, no, wait, that that is late. No, I'm looking and trying to remember when I did this. Okay, so I and it wasn't too bad. So Trump was speaking.

I don't know. Where was he at? He was in was he in South Carolina?

Yeah, he was in Somerville. And he was talking about like, you know, the windmills and stuff and whales. And I just about died because I was listening to it.

And my first it just was funny because I'm like, he needs to host a Nat Geo series. Listen to this. Listen, this is too funny. But you have a better chance of being struck by lightning than hitting a whale with your boat. There has only been listen to this one such whale killed off the coast of South Carolina in the last 50 years. But on the other hand, their windmills are causing whales to die in numbers never seen before.

Nobody does anything about that. They're washing up and show. I saw it this weekend. Three of them came up. They wouldn't you wouldn't see it once a year.

Now they're coming up on a weekly basis. The windmills are driving them crazy. They're driving. They're driving the whales. I think a little batty, a little batty, batty whales like combat or regular bat. Like I'm just like that sound bite from Joe Biden or regular bat.

Whack bat. So what gets me those people were cheering at one point. I know people like to applaud. It's like, no, no, no. Don't applaud the whales getting scrambled out of the ocean.

Don't do this. Stop. But have you seen those windmills off the I Googled it. I was Googling it.

You can Google South Carolina and then you can do South Carolina coast. And I think I did windmills and it's the offshore wind. And again, they're giant damn knives. It's like you put some giant knives out in the sky.

And and I mean, they it's it's it looks like you've got a bunch of damn ginsu knives out squirreling around in the sky chopping up all our birds. I'm kidding. But it's a serious issue, actually. I don't want to make light of it. It's actually a serious issue. And they're ugly.

It's so bad. Remember, was it Teddy Kennedy when they were talking about doing offshore wind development near their compound and Teddy Kennedy was like, we're not having any of that. You know, the big green guy left a woman to dine upon. The they actually fought that. They fought the development. So the wind farms, I like how they call it a wind farm, but that's that's that's what they have it all. It just is goofy looking, especially when we have, again, renewable energy. We have fossil fuels.

That's renewable energy. These just look dumb. They look dumb.

I think that it's a blight upon the earth. And again, they look like giant ginsu knives out there. But they they apparently what is it like they're like four over like they're over a thousand feet. They have they have some that it's like taller than the tallest building in North Carolina. The turbines that they were trying to play in for that we're going to be off Kitty Hawk. I think it was. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lashes absurd truth podcast.

If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcast, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. The PNC and rally. They're huge. They're goofy looking. It's like Attack on Titan stuff, isn't it? That's what I think of.

It is, by the way, Kane sidebar. Do you think that that's how tall they are? Like if it was real life? How tall the Titans are? I don't know. Would it be like the tall like the height of a wind turbine? A thousand feet? Yeah, thousand forty two.

Pretty damn close. I'm just wondering. I'm just you know, I'm just wondering. It's funny, but I mean, it is a serious issue. I mean, they had what the there's there's they're driving the whales a little batty is actually hysterical, though.

That is funny. But then you have the people like actually. Yeah, but the wind is the wind industry. They're the ones who are like Michael Shellenberger had an interesting piece on this. He was like, they're they're saying that that they're not actually killing whales, but they are. And then new boat traffic is colliding with whales. And then they have the high decibel sonar that is separating the the cabs from the the whale mothers, and it sends them into harm's way. There's like a whole documentary out about this. That's all about, you know, all this stuff going on in the North Atlantic. And the the problem that the way that they're having with whales out there because they're not actually killing whales. Because of all this. I mean, it sounds goofy and you want to laugh your head off about it because. But it's true. All of it's true.
Whisper: medium.en / 2023-09-29 16:19:35 / 2023-09-29 16:29:11 / 10

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