Absurd Truth: Mugshot Merch

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It's like he's got a beard but then it's tied underneath it, his chin. I am fully distracted now. Okay, back to the story. This is Flager County, Florida. A Florida Man was arrested, so he gets, so he's arrested for possession of drugs and controlled substances, right? Well when the police, you know, when they engaged him, this was on August 6th, he had possession of a whole bunch of stuff and then he didn't want to obey law enforcement. They pulled his car over, they smelled pot, they searched his car, they found all kinds of stuff like fentanyl, like crazy stuff. And then as they tried to arrest him, he literally pretended to have a heart attack so he could get out of the arrest. They called medical units and then they're like, dude, he cannot be evaluated because A, he faked it, B, he's a jerk and six, his behavior is crazy so we don't trust him. So let's, you know, there's a million, they had a million reasons. His actions, his demeanor, he was rude, he was rude to the medical officers and they're like, if you're having a heart attack, how are you such a jerk right now?

Like why are you, like you're supposed to be having a heart attack. So they took him to a local hospital, they cleared him and now he's being held on a thousand dollar bond and he's got a long record. Like he's got child abuse, domestic violence, battery, grand theft. So a thousand dollar bond.

So that's all he was held on. I'm just, you know, good heavens. This one, I'm trying to figure out how this is, this is wild. I did not know that you could have a problem with the peacock population.

I did not know that they bred and their population grew that fast. But apparently it's to the point, this is a real sentence, this is why I had to set this up. It's at the point where a Florida man is going to give vasectomies to peacocks. There are so many jokes in this headline, I can't get past it.

It's an actual real story. So the story is this, this community in Florida, they are dealing with peacocks, this is Pine Crest, Florida. There's a lot of them. And they've had trappers come because residents have requested it. They've shipped, you know, some of the birds to different areas, but they say that it's, you know, they're having like, there's enough to have hundreds of vasectomies. That's how crazy the peacock population is here in Pine Crest. So for a long time, county law prohibited, it was prohibited, but now they're allowing it.

They got an exemption. It's in Miami-Dade County that has rules against trapping large birds. So they hired these trappers, and they're responding to resident requests for sterilization because they said that, you know, they're annoying, but they're very beautiful, but they're super annoying. They apparently attack the cars of residents. Like if peacocks are walking by parked cars and they see their reflection in the cars, they attack the car.

I did not know they did this. They roost everywhere. They said they'll roost on your roof, everywhere, on your car. And they're very loud, very vocal, they do a lot of damage. And so they have this pilot program where they're coming out and they are sterilizing them. And they said that they get multiple, multiple complaints, almost more than they can handle every week. It is nonstop.

That is the Miami-Dade commissioner representing the community. So they don't want to eradicate. They want to control it because it's getting crazy. That's, that's wild.

I didn't know that. I'll take one. Aren't they like, aren't they like good guardian animals? Peacocks are good guardian animals. I'll totally take a peacock. I don't know how they'll do in Texas, but they better not attack my car.

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So take care of your liver with Liver Health Formula and get a free bonus gift at GetLiverHelp.com slash Dana. Now this could set a major precedent actually. They ruled in favor of these teenagers. They were saying Montana's use of fossil fuels harmed their health and it contributed to their whatever, contributed to their allergies and it contributed to all this other stuff.

And I, it's kind of mind numbing that this was actually, but this was the, this was the decision. They said that it adds to a small number of legal decisions around the world that have established this, like whatever, government duty to protect people with environmental, you know, that have environmental concerns and that bring this kind of stuff up. The weird thing though is when you look at, and I'm pulling up my notes on this because I was, so do you realize that they were granted standing because they claimed that climate change made their pollen allergies worse and they couldn't ski as much? You think I'm joking? That's an actual real thing.

That was what, I mean, I'm looking at the thing. It says Lander has seasonal pollen allergies, which are worsening due to the increased pollen count in a changing climate, blah, blah, blah. He likes to ski, et cetera. They're passionate about skiing. They've skied for as long as they can remember. This is literally a sentence. They're talking about skiing, literally sentence.

This is page 50. They're passionate about skiing. Climate change is reducing their ability to participate in this important recreational activity.

That was, Cain, you okay? That was literally what factored into this. That was the case.

They have pollen and they can't ski as much. And then one of the, like they were talking about this five-year-old plaintiff and they were saying the plaintiff has feelings like loss, despair, and anxiety from climate change. This is insane. If you're a five-year-old and you're feeling like this over the weather, it's because your parents are moronic nut jobs who should have DFS called on them for stressing you out with emotional child abuse as a five-year-old. That's ridiculous.

It's the blanking weather. Talking about a five-year-old with us, Jiminy Christmas. This is, this was the actual ruling. It's crazy.

This is crazy. And so the kid Lander, he's not a kid, he's actually a young adult. He was asked about winning this case and he goes, hell yes we won and I'm going fishing. So he's going to grow up with his rich family because he comes from a super bougie rich family. I mean, when you're owning land, that much land in Montana, hi, and you have this kind of money to engage in lawfare. He sued his state because, you know, screw the poor people, you know, you don't get to, he can't get to ski as much. This nepo baby doesn't get to ski as much. I mean, he's like a grown dude and they're like, oh children, there's like a five-year-old that they had involved in this, but he was mad because he like couldn't ski as much. And so now he's going to go fishing and camping with all the equipment and boat that daddy bought him with daddy's money.

I mean, he's basically, he's like a, he's, he's, he's a sugar baby, really. This is, this is who won this case and this is how it was determined. I'm not even making this up and this actually can set, threatens to set a legal precedent.

This is a real thing. Oh my gosh. And he's not, I mean, they weren't exaggerating. The skiing thing is in there.

That's on page, yeah, that's all on page 50. Climate change. And then the other one says, it's quote, climate change was quote, hampering his ability to perform music and theater at a high level. Not even making, I'm not even, this is, I'm reading from, I'm reading the court documents. I mean, this is verbatim.

They sound like pansies. I wish I was making this up, but I'm not. You can't, how do you quantify this? I mean, you're, you're talking about an immeasurable thing, like a five year old's emotions, right?

That can be easily manipulated by parents. I just, I've got questions on this. This is so goofy. So this is, that's the other thing that happened. That happened, that came down yesterday.

I know some bougie progressive kid with daddy's money to burn decided to take a stand. So crazy. Now that's not all. There's a, pull up a couple of other things because we've been, gosh, we've been, the, let me touch on this. Skittles packaging.

I know, we just got touch on it. Why can't you just be candy? Just be candy. Just be something that people eat.

It's not difficult. Now they've partnered, they've done stuff with the alphabet people before in marketing, but now people are, I guess, recognizing this to concern, I don't know if they do conservatives not eat Skittles, but they, it went beyond the alphabet stuff and they started to get into the trans stuff. And that's when people really started, it seems like nobody does anything about the alphabet stuff, regular like LG, LGB stuff, rainbow stuff. If it's so long as people aren't targeting kids with marketing and stuff, but it's when the trans element is incorporated, that's when it seems like the criticism and all of that starts. So they had trans, like trans stuff on the Skittles package. What I don't, okay, what is the point of it? They actually have a thing on the, it says black trans lives matter on the package has like this, it's like the silver package and it has a drawing of like a half pipe on it and on the side of it, it says black trans lives matter. And it, it's, it's, I guess like kids that it's targeting. What is the point of this?

What is the point of putting this on like a candy package? I think that if you are so low in life that you're like, Oh my gosh, I totally did not feel affirmed and happy until I've reached for this candy package. You need therapy.

You need to see a professional because you are jacked in the head. I'm not, I'm saying that to be helpful. I'm not going to candy coat, I'm not going to candy coat stuff.

I mean that just, if you're so weak that you need to be affirmed by damn candy. Like what's next? Toilet paper? Oh my gosh. Can you imagine? How does that work? How did the Charmin bears deal with that?

I'm just curious. Does it seem like every time you turn around or open up your wallet, you're shocked at the changes that have directly impacted your life and just two and a half years. There's something that you can do to protect the value of your hard earned savings and retirement accounts. Protect the folks at American Hartford Gold and talk to them about your options and diversifying your assets. Empower yourself with opportunity.

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Call American Hartford Gold today at 866-887-1188. That's 866-887-1188 or text Dana to 998899. That's 866-887-1188 or text Dana to 998899. And now all of the news you would probably miss.

It's time for Dana's quick five. So a couple of things. I just saw this quick court case. Simon Atiba had broke the story. A federal court just ruled that Washington DC unfairly applied quote unquote defacement rules treating anti-abortion groups differently from Black Lives Matter.

He writes that the court said that during the protests in 2020, BLM activists painted streets despite the same rules without arrest. So definitely there was something at play here. We'll talk more about that as well here coming up.

This is a horribly sad story. So Axios reports that credit card delinquencies, not just credit card delinquencies, but a lot of stuff actually is hitting above pre-pandemic levels, actually past pre-pandemic levels. More Americans are falling behind on their payments. The rate of new credit card delinquencies has now surpassed officially its pre-COVID level clocking in at 7.2% second quarter from the New York Fed. Auto loan delinquencies, 7.3% in quarter two, also higher than pre-pandemic levels. Now mortgage delinquencies do remain low. So Americans are relying obviously on credit cards to make budgets work because Biden inflation, right?

You're paying an extra $700 per family per year thanks to Bidenflation. And also now the couple of other things, AI can now steal your passwords with 95% accuracy just by listening to you type. That actually creeps me out. Wait, does every keyboard though make, I don't think every keyboard, every click makes the same sound. This is what is being reported. Researchers say that they found an AI driven attack can steal passwords with up to 95% accuracy by listening to what you type in your keyboard. It's Cornell, Cornell University.

They had researchers trained on AI models that used audio recordings of people typing and the AI learned to identify the different sound that each key makes and they tested it and it was 95% accurate. That's that's terrifying. It's time to start yelling when you type, stick with us. Now Fannie Williams says she wants apparently Trump and the co-defendants to surrender by noon on, not this Friday, but next Friday, it would be next Friday. And you're probably going to get some, there's going to be some mugshots, will we get a mugshot this time? Okay so they say, my threat stands.

I can never and I will never hold him in a good regard ever again and I'll spit if I hear his name if he does not merge the hell out of a mugshot. I'm not kidding you. I want to see cups, mouse, do they do mouse pads anymore? I don't think they do those. Do they do those? Track pad pads?

Do they do that? I think it's a track pad. I don't know. Although a lot of my sidebar, a lot of my animator friends are like, no, no, no mice are where it's at. Anyway, I'm talking like t-shirts, I'm talking flags, I'm talking puzzles. Ooh, a puzzle would be good, wouldn't it? Cross stitch projects.

I mean, I've got it all mapped out in my head, a cross stitch. Like sell that stuff on Amazon or Etsy, man. All of that. Like I'm thinking everything, stickers, camcousis, watches. Oh yeah, koozies, watches, phone covers, phone covers for all that.

In addition to the t-shirts and the blankets and everything else. The slippers. Think of the slippers. I'm making products for you.

Like think about this. The mugshot combined with the Mike Lindell slipper. On my pillow, Trump mugshot slipper.

Funny and comfortable. Yeah. Like just take it and own it, man. Merch the hell out of it. Like I'm thinking all this stuff to come up with, right? All this. The Halloween costume possibility. Just like makes tons of money off it.

You know how much money you make on this? And then do like a shepherd fairy. What's his name?

Shepherd fairy. That's the guy who did the Obama poster. Do that. That's a poster to make. Do a shepherd-esque kind of poster. Yeah.

Or a BRC coffee cup. Like all this stuff. I mean there's so many things to do here. I mean just think of all the activities. They feel like stepbrothers when they made bunk beds. We have so much room for activities.

I am over pencils, pens, snow globes, ornaments. It doesn't stop there, cane pillows. Wet kerchiefs. Where does it stop?

Nowhere. Won't stop, can't stop. All of it. I mean think of this. The decals, right? Oh my gosh. Just the yard signs.

Just the faces. Just think of it. Think of the things you could do. I will never be able to respect him if he doesn't merch the crap out of it. I can't.

This isn't, it's an obvious opportunity. I mean it. I will be so disappointed that I won't, and by the way for anyone who would argue that well you know if it's all you know mugshot whatever that can, the shepherd fairy like any kind of IP that was brought over that, any kind of IP litigation like when you push it out in public so often you can't actually, it then becomes like you know it's fair use. You whittle away the property rights to it and you can just merch it out like that six ways to Sunday. So I'm just saying.

I just, you need to do that. And I don't know, you could do like the trading cards, oh man you could collect all of them. You know you could do like a total like game across the nation, and if you collect all 19 then you win something. That's a brilliant idea.

I know. I'm full of brilliant merging ideas. There's, I have a particular set of skills. Memorizing gun law, diagramming sentences, okay, I'm really good at those things, accents, and merging ideas. Really good at those things. Not like carrying that out is another thing entirely, but you know you see where I'm going.

But I, no I'm just saying you know that that'd be the thing to do. They ought to have it like right at the key, I mean just go ahead and have all the templates ready to go. Buttons? Did I say buttons? I don't think I said buttons.

What else am I missing? Belt buckles? Is that too weird? Backpacks? Backpacks? Umbrellas? I mean backpacks, hats, and umbrellas, yeah. Like everything you can think of.

You don't actually, everything. Table coverings? Like what else? Napkins. Napkins? The wall thingies? The wall peelie thingies? All of it. I mean there's so many things you can do.

Paper plates? I mean just this. Those fat heads? What? Those fat heads? Yeah, yeah, the fat heads. All of that. Like there's so many things you could do.

My gosh. So that's, that needs to happen. All of that needs to happen. I'm going to be super disappointed if it doesn't. Super disappointed. Now this is all you know with the, so we'll see if that happens. We'll see if she brings it. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.