Hope for Hurting Marriages, Part 2 | Husbands, Take Action! You're the Spiritual Leader.

A New Beginning presents a great book from Pastor Greg Laurie called Hope for America. Yes, we're in a political season right now. We need to vote. We should be informed on the issues as Americans and as Christians, but we should also recognize the ultimate hope for our nation is turning back to God. So I talk about this and a lot more in a book I've written called Hope for America. And I want to send it to you for your gift of any size.

Get your copy at harvest.org. Pastor Greg Laurie invites husbands to make the first move to get their marriages back on track. He says, look at the Lord's model. Why do we love God today?

The Bible says we love Him because He first loved us. So you talk about a wife not doing her part. Hey, husband, why don't you do your part? You're the initiator.

You're the spiritual leader. I suggest if you did your part, in most cases, she would do her. If you would love her as you ought to, she would respond in kind. In the United States, divorces occur every 36 seconds. Another marriage dissolved, more broken hearts, more broken promises, broken people. But Pastor Greg Laurie says divorce isn't inevitable.

In fact, in most cases, if the couple will begin following God's plan, divorce isn't even likely. Today on A New Beginning, practical help for those with hurting marriages. An important message from Pastor Greg titled, Hope for Hurting Hearts.

Well let's turn in our Bibles now to Ephesians chapter 5. We are in our series that we are calling Hope for Hurting Hearts. Last week we did Hope for Hurting Marriages part 1. Today it is Hope for Hurting Marriages part 2. The things I am going to share with you are not new nor are they revolutionary.

But I assure you they work. It really comes down to this. Do you want a marriage that will last a lifetime? I mean do you really want it? And how bad do you want it?

Are you willing to really apply yourself toward it? Now before we say what the Word of God says let me mention this. There is nothing that this culture or this world is offering that is going to help your hurting marriage. For the most part the culture is to a large degree hostile toward the family today. So we need to look to God's Word. That is where we are going to find the answers.

Listen. I have never met a couple who were divorcing. Who were doing the things that we are about to read. But every couple I know who divorced was not doing what we will read.

Now reading these words alone will not save your marriage. You must act on them. You must do them. And they are doable by the power of the Holy Spirit. These words are current.

They don't need to be updated or refreshed. They don't need to be rewritten to align with what is politically correct. They just need to be implemented because these are God's words on how a marriage should work and specifically God's Word on the role of the husband and the wife.

So let's start with men. Ephesians 5. Verse 25. Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her. And He might sanctify and cleanse her with a washing of water by the Word that He might present her to Himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So ought husbands to love their own wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever yet hated his own flesh, but he nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. We are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this reason shall a man leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his wife as his own self, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Now four times in eight verses men are simply told to love their wives. But what does he mean when he says love? Well Paul uses that Greek word agape. A word that is used more often than any other word in the New Testament for love. It is the word that is used in 1 Corinthians 13 that we will look at in a moment where it is broken out and defined. It is the word that is used in John 3.16 when it says, For God so agape'd the world. It is the word that is used to describe God Himself when it says God is love. Well let's look at this definition in 1 Corinthians 13.

Keep a marker here in Ephesians 5 and we are going to go over to Corinthians for a moment and we will come back to Ephesians again. Here in 1 Corinthians 13 Paul doesn't define love as much as he shows us what love does. And every time you read the word love here it is the word agape. Love never gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't have a swelled head. It doesn't force itself on others.

It isn't always me first. Love doesn't fly off the handle. Love doesn't keep score of the sins of others. Love doesn't revel when others grovel. Love puts up with anything and it trusts God always and it always looks for the best. Love keeps going to the end. Ok. So God gives it to us right here. So what does He tell us?

Number one. If you really love your wife you will be patient with her. If you love her you will be patient with her. Love is patient or literally long tempered.

The word is common in the New Testament and is used almost exclusively of being patient with people rather than circumstances or events. You are patient with her. Well she isn't being what I want her to be. Be patient. You wait for God's timing and you cut her some slack.

Number two. If you really love your wife you will show kindness and tenderness to her. Verse 4. Love is kind. Just as patience will take anything from others kindness will give anything to others.

If a husband loves his wife like this she will respond appropriately. Why do we love God today? Because He won us over with His love. The Bible says we love Him because He first loved us. Our love is a response to His love.

The Scripture says it is the goodness or kindness of God that brings us to repentance. So you talk about a wife not doing her part. Hey husband why don't you do your part? You are the initiator.

You are the spiritual leader. I suggest if you did your part in most cases she would do hers. Now there could be some exceptions to this and there are. But generally I am telling you if you would love her as you ought to she would respond in kind. But you are kind. Are you kind to your wife? Sometimes we show more kindness to a complete stranger than we do to the one who is flesh of our flesh and bone of our bones. Here is a way to show your kindness.

Just tell her how much you appreciate her. When is the last time you told your wife how much you loved her or how beautiful she was? I know you think those things.

You know you look at her and go, wow she looks great today. Say it idiot. Say it verbalize.

It is hard. Because guys come on now. You need to know girls we do think these thoughts. We think how much we love you.

How wonderful you are. We just don't express it. We are not as verbal as women are. I mean just look at the way two men have a conversation. You know they sit down and say, hey how is it going? It is going pretty well.

What have you been doing? One guy talks and the next guy talks. Put two girls together. They talk together endlessly. I mean if you get a table of six women it is like they don't come up for air. They are all talking.

But here is what is amazing. They understand one another. They are like connected.

All the guys are going, I don't know what is happening and I am scared. It is like all these mysterious little feminine things. Oh. It doesn't make sense. Studies have revealed that women speak an average of 50,000 words a day and a man speaks half that many. 25,000.

I would suggest to you men a hug and a kiss would go a long way. Simple as it sounds. You know some German researchers spent a lot of money on a project to try to find the secret to a long life in success. You know what they discovered. They said it is a kiss. They said if you kiss your wife every morning when you leave for work you will live longer and be more successful in life. They said the good morning kissers miss less work because of sickness and earn 20 to 30 percent more money than the non-kissers.

Something to think about. If you love your wife you will not boast of it but you will just do it. Love does not parade itself in verse 4.

What that means is it doesn't talk about all that it does. Do you know how much I do for you? Do you know how hard I work for you? Do you know the sun?

Oh yeah. I think she probably knows. Why don't you just not boast about those things.

Just do it. If you really love your wife you will treat her with respect. Verse 5. Love does not behave rudely. Don't be harsh with her. Respect her. Don't respect her. Don't tear her down. In Proverbs 31 we have a description of the virtuous woman. It says, "'Our husband praises her.'" I think it is a great thing when a husband praises his wife in front of their children. Your mother.

Let me tell you about your mother. She is the best. She is the greatest. You know you praise her.

Number 5. If you love your wife you will not be harsh with her. Love is not provoked.

Verse 5. Which means aroused anger. You know you are going to have times when you disagree. But when it turns into a shouting match you have gone too far. That is never productive.

Ephesians 4.26 says, "'Don't let the sun go down on your wrath.'" Don't ever go to bed angry at each other. I heard about a husband and wife that decided to put this principle into practice. And they never throughout their entire 30 years of marriage ever went to bed mad at each other. Someone asked the husband, well how did that work out?

He says, it was ok but it is hard sometimes sitting up all night. You know. So.

Number 6. If you really love your wife you will always believe the best not the worst about her. You will believe the best not the worst about her. Verse 5. Love thinks no evil or takes it into account. It is a bookkeeping term.

It means to calculate or enter into a ledger. So this is when you are having a disagreement and you say, well I remember 20 years ago. You said, what? 20 years ago? Oh I remember it well.

I have it written right here. You are supposed to forgive and you are supposed to forget. I like the statement of Ruth Graham when she said, a successful marriage is made up of two forgivers. Forgive her. Forgive him. God will give you this love. Now I know that some of you ladies are saying, Greg this is good. Why don't you stop now. Let's pray and go home.

Well in all fairness I have got to get to you girls too. All right. Go back to Ephesians 5.

The men are clapping. Thank you guys. Ephesians 5 again verse 22. Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church and is the Savior of the body.

Therefore as the church is subject to Christ let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Now before we break down what this means let's remember an earlier statement here in Ephesians 5 we already touched on in our last message that says in verse 21 submitting one to another in the fear of God. Because some people choke on the word submit. I don't like submit. I don't do submission.

Really. Actually you do. You do it every day. You submit. When you get in your car and you obey the lights and the signs you are submitting. When a police officer tells you to come over to him you submit to the authority. When the government demands too much taxes we submit and pay them. When you have a job and you have an employer you submit.

You have a teacher who tells you to do an assignment. You submit. We are all submitting in life. So don't tell me you don't do submission. You do. You are under authority and you are perhaps an authority over somebody else. That is just the way that society works.

Well God has an order in the Christian family. And when it says that you should submit one to another it means to get an order under something. It is a military term that means to rank under.

Ok. So if you have an officer over you you salute them. They have that authority over you. But notice it says submit to one another. Before it says anything about wives submitting to husbands it says submit to each other. What does that mean?

It means it is a partnership. And it means that you have your mate's interests in mind. And you want to do whatever you can to lift them up and to build them up. You are their number one fan. And they are yours. They know you are always in their corner and you know they are always in yours.

That is the idea of submitting. We are holding one another up. We are building one another up. But now we come to the role of the wife in particular. A loving wife will submit to the servant leadership of your husband. Now understand this verse is not implying that a man is better than a woman. He isn't. Nor is a woman better than a man. They are just different.

That is all. When God calls a woman to submit to the leadership of the man it is not saying that the woman is any less than the man. The fact of the matter is when it comes to our relationship with God we have equal access. The Bible tells us in the book of Galatians three verse 28, in Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female. Yet though there is no difference between men and women in the nature of their salvation or sending before God there is a principle of authority in the family. And if you struggle with this idea of the men being the spiritual leader or head consider the words of Paul in 1 Corinthians 11 three.

It says, I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ and the head of woman is man and the head of Christ is God. Now what does that mean when the Bible says the head of Christ is God? Is God the Father better than God the Son?

No. They are co-equal. They are co-eternal. The Trinity. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The Bible is saying that God the Father is the head of Christ not in essence or in nature but in function. See when Jesus came to this earth though He was God He humbled Himself and laid aside His privileges and took upon Himself the form of a servant and submitted to the will of the Father.

Right? Remember Him in Gethsemane. Nevertheless not My will but Yours be done. He submitted to that authority. Not because the authority of God the Father was greater than God the Son but because it was a structure. So Paul draws upon this and then applies it to the marriage.

Alright. So this is a position. The man is a spiritual leader. The woman submits to that leadership. However let me say to you guys any guy that does not seek his wife's input on the decisions of life is an idiot. I always talk about it with my wife and I value her input. I value her wisdom. I listen very carefully to it. And we usually come to a decision together.

But there is an authority structure. In Proverbs 31 again we read that the husband has full confidence in his wife. She speaks with wisdom and faithful instruction is in her tongue.

A wise man will listen to his wise wife. Well what is the motive of submission? Well you do it as unto the Lord.

Verse 22. Submit to your husbands as to the Lord. You know maybe sometimes you don't want to submit to that authority.

You do it as unto the Lord. This is true of life in general. I mean take your job and you have an employer. You have your boss. And maybe you have a great boss.

Maybe you don't have such a great boss. And you don't always want to do what that boss or that employer wants you to do. Well do it as unto the Lord. Colossians 3.23 says, whatever you do work at it with all of your heart as working for the Lord.

So don't work as unto the paycheck or work to please the boss. Say I am just going to do this for God's glory. I am going to do the best job I could possibly do. If I work at In-N-Out Burger I am just going to act as though this burger double, double animal style was just ordered by Jesus Christ.

So would I do a good job on his burger? Hey this song I am going to play I am going to play it as though Jesus Christ were listening. Hey this report I am filling out I am going to write it out as though Jesus Christ Himself would read it. Hey this husband that I am married to I am going to make this meal as though I were making it for the Lord. I am going to do all of this as unto the Lord.

You say, well now Greg wait a second. Are there limits to submission? Does a wife do whatever her husband asks no matter what?

Well there are limits to submission. Colossians 3.18 says, wise be subject to your husband as it is fit in the Lord. If your husband would ever ask you to do something that is unbiblical you are not required to submit. Let's just say that you have a non-Christian husband and he says, I no longer want you to go to church or read the Bible or pray because I am the head of the home.

You say, ok honey I will just submit. Now you say, well you know I love you but I am going to go to church and I am going to read the Bible. I am going to pray. It is like the apostles said we must obey God and not men.

But those are pretty unusual circumstances. Listen. There is hope today for your failing marriage. You need to come to God and you need to ask Him to help you.

But listen. Don't just pray for a miracle and wait. Just send the miracle Lord.

Send the miracle. He has already given you everything you need. You know He has given you the power. He has given you the resources.

And He has given you the direction. The question is are you going to just start doing it. Don't wait for some surge of emotional love to come over you. Just start doing what is right. Start loving. Start doing the practical things. Start showing kindness.

Even if you don't feel like it just start doing it. You watch how God can change a marriage. In Ephesians or rather the book of Revelation there is a message to the church of Ephesus that we are drifting away. And so Jesus gave them His prescription for restoration. He said in Revelation 2.5, "'Remember for more you have fallen. Repent and do the first works quickly.'" So the way to get right with God are remember, repent, and repeat.

I think we could apply that to marriage too. First remember. It used to be better than it is now right. Oh yeah. Really good. So tell me about it. Well we had a great time together.

We loved to go out and we loved to do this and we loved to do that. Once the last time you did any of those things like took your wife out to dinner. Well it has been a long time you know. Why don't you remember. Why don't you repent. And what I mean is change your direction. Start doing the things you used to do. Repeat. Get back to those things again. And watch what God can do.

Listen. Your marriage is a picture to this culture of the love of God for the church and the love of the church for God. Don't let it break down and destroy your testimony. God can heal your hurting marriage. Yeah.

True. Let's all bow our heads for a prayer if you would. Father I pray for every marriage represented here. Especially for those that are fracturing. That are unraveling.

That are falling apart. I pray Lord that You will extend Your hand to each one and that this marriage would be saved. And that this marriage would not only endure but it would last a lifetime and that it would indeed flourish. Lord help every man here to take to heart what we have learned in Scripture and start doing it. Help every woman here Lord to do her part as well. And we pray that You will bless our families and our children. We commit ourselves to You now. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Pastor Greg Laurie with an important prayer today on a new beginning.

Rededicating our marriages back to God. And then Pastor Greg I know you had a further word you wanted to share. So as you've been listening today maybe you thought to yourself man I wish I had this relationship with God that is being talked about.

Well you can. He's only a prayer away. You see becoming a Christian it doesn't take years. It doesn't take months. It doesn't take weeks.

It doesn't even take hours. It can happen in a moment. The Bible describes it as turning from darkness to light. And from the power of Satan to God. But before that happens the Bible says you need to have your eyes open. And here's the amazing thing. It's just like in a flash a light goes on and you say this is all true. That's how it happened for me. I just heard the gospel and all of a sudden I realized this is all true.

And maybe you've realized that as well. Let me ask you. Would you like Jesus Christ to come into your life? Would you like Him to forgive you of your sin?

Would you like this relationship with God we've been talking about today? If so why don't you just pray a simple prayer with me. You can pray it out loud if you like but say this to God. Lord Jesus I know that I'm a sinner but I know that you're the Savior who died on the cross for my sin and rose again from the dead. Jesus I turn from my sin and I choose to follow you from this moment forward as my Savior and Lord as my God and friend. Thank you for hearing this prayer. And I ask this in Jesus name. Amen. Hey did you just pray that prayer? If so I want to send you at no charge what we call a new believers Bible.

Here's Dave to tell you more. And let me just say congratulations. You've made the right decision.

Yeah that's right. And listen to help you begin to live this new life walking with the Lord let us send you Pastor Greg's new believers Bible. It's the perfect resource for someone who's new to the faith. We'll send it free of charge if you'll just contact us and request it. Call 1-800-821-3300.

That's 1-800-821-3300. Or go online to harvest.org and click know God. And then let us take a moment to thank you for praying for this ministry and for supporting it through your generous donation.

It's an investment in kingdom business. Isn't that right Pastor Greg? Yeah it's really true Dave and I believe it's so important because you know the gospel saves lives. It saves eternal lives because when a person believes in Jesus according to scripture they pass from darkness to light from the power of Satan to the power of God. And then of course that changes the course of their future.

That impacts their children and their children's children. The gospel changes everything and thousands and thousands of people respond every single year. Thanks to the Lord. Also thanks to you for your investment in this ministry enabling us to reach people wherever they are. So if this is something you care about I encourage you to make a financial investment in A New Beginning and Harvest Ministries. Yeah that's right and we really do appreciate your support. Thanks for partnering with us today.

It can make a real difference not just for today or this week but for eternity. So get in touch with your support today by calling 1-800-821-3300. That's a 24-7 phone number 1-800-821-3300. Or write A New Beginning Box 4000 Riverside, CA 92514. Or go online to harvest.org. Well next time Pastor Greg will have some hope for parents of prodigal children. A can't miss presentation next time. Join us here on A New Beginning with Pastor and Bible Teacher, Greg Laurie.