Hope for Hurting Marriages, Part 1 | A Physical Union with a Spiritual Meaning

A New Beginning presents a great book from Pastor Greg Laurie called Hope for America. Yes, we're in a political season right now. We need to vote. We should be informed on the issues as Americans and as Christians, but we should also recognize the ultimate hope for our nation is turning back to God. So I talk about this and a lot more in a book I've written called Hope for America. And I want to send it to you for your gift of any size.

Get your copy at harvest.org. Coming up today, Pastor Greg Laurie points out the physical union between a man and a woman has spiritual meaning. If you have sexual relations with a prostitute, you become one flesh with her. So don't tell me it didn't mean anything. No, it means a lot to God.

You can't treat sex that way. And so when you break that union with your spouse, you have violated something very significant. And yes, there is a release clause given by Christ Himself if such a thing happens. This is the day when the lost are found. This is the day for a new beginning. Amazing grace how sweet the sound.

Again you hear all the angels are singing. This is the day, the day when life begins. Wedding experts say some of today's brides and grooms avoid what they call the deathbound till death do us part. Why make a promise you can't keep, they say? So you may hear for as long as we continue to love each other, for as long as our love shall last, or until our time together is over.

You can almost see the end from the beginning. Today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie offers hope for marriages headed in the wrong direction, hope that will restore them to God's plan. This is the day, the day when life begins. Let's read now what Jesus said to those who had lost hope for their hurting marriages.

What He says is designed to restore hope again. Here are the Lord's words for hurting marriages. Matthew 19 verse 3. The Pharisees came to Him testing Him and saying, Here is a big thing that we all need to know. It is like marriage 101.

But I am amazed how often people miss it. There are two operative words used here in the text that make for a successful and happy marriage. And the words are leave and cleave.

If you are writing notes down write those words down. Leave and cleave. Verse 5. For this reason shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave unto his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So the word cleave means to glue or to cling.

So here is the idea. It is sever and bond. I detach from one thing and I attach to another. I depart from and adhere to.

Loosen and secure. So a successful and lasting and happy marriage begins with the leaving. In effect you are leaving all other relationships.

Now let me explain what that means. When you get married your best friend should be your spouse. Now you can have other friends. You don't have to abandon all your friends. No I can't do anything ever again.

I am going to go home and hang out with my best friend. My wife. No. You can still have other relationships but your best friend is your husband. Your best friend is your wife. Sometimes people ask, hey can you have a best friend that is a member of the opposite sex. Answer. No.

Not really. It just doesn't work out. You have to understand that this relationship with your spouse is the most important relationship of all and it supersedes all other relationships.

This is very important. For a wife and her husband they are to be the best friend of each other. Here is a key verse that explains that. Malachi 2.13 says, The Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, although she is your companion and wife. Companion and wife.

That is interesting. It doesn't just say she is your wife. She is your companion too.

And the word companion can be translated one you are united with in thoughts, goals, plans, and efforts. Does that describe you? Husbands? Or wives? Hey how well do you know your spouse? Do you know what they really care about? Do you know what they like to do? Do you know what their favorite food is?

Their favorite color is? How well do you really know one another? If you don't treat your wife as you ought to as a husband it actually can bring your prayer life to a screeching halt. Did you know that? Because God says in 1 Peter 3, Husbands dwell with your wives and give them understanding, giving honor to the wife as a weaker vessel, as being heirs together of the grace of life, so your prayers will not be hindered. Your prayers can be hindered if your marriage is out of whack. So this is under God your number one priority in life. And by the way that word that is used there for dwell with her doesn't mean just live with her.

Yeah I live with my wife there. I got that covered. It is more than that. It can actually be translated be aligned to or give maintenance to. Maintenance to. So we maintain things in life don't we? We maintain our houses.

Our homes. We maintain our cars. What happens if you have a car and you never do anything for it? You don't change the oil.

You don't even put oil in. You don't repair something. You know the tire goes flat and you just keep driving you know. Well your car is going to break down. And the same happens with a marriage. You know you don't maintain it.

You don't care for it and it breaks down. I am always really impressed when I see a classic car drive by with a really old person driving it because I think that was probably their car in the beginning. And they have just maintained it. And it is perfection.

You know they get out there and they wax it and they care for it and they are driving it along. You know and that is what you want your marriage to be. You don't want to trade her or him in for the new model.

You want to take your marriage and turn it into a classic and stand the test of time. Now some of you who are hearing me right now have been divorced and you are not feeling really happy at this moment. You are thinking, Oh man Greg you are putting me under condemnation. I am not here to do that ok. Because what is done is done. I am sorry this has happened to you. Maybe you had biblical grounds.

Maybe you did not have biblical grounds. But I want to say to you I don't want it to happen to you again ok. So if you are in a new marriage and you have been divorced let's do it right this time. I believe God forgives. I believe that God gives second chances.

But let's not go and repeat the behavior over and over again. Let's learn from our experiences and more importantly learn from the Word of God. Well despite the fact that Jesus has talked about marriage they still want to talk about divorce. Go back to Matthew 19. They said, Yeah, yeah. It is almost like they said, Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Blah, blah, blah. Here is what we are really asking. Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce and put her away? Jesus said, Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. So I say to you, Whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery. And whoever marries her who is divorced, commits adultery. I want you to notice that He said, Why did Moses command divorce? Jesus says, He didn't command it. He permitted it.

You have it wrong. Now back in these days the attitude toward marriage was very liberal. You might be surprised to know. Divorce was widespread in Israel at this time. Consider the woman at the well.

Remember her? Married and divorced five times. So it was actually quite commonplace. One liberal rabbi of the day known as Hillel said, and I quote, Incompatibility of temperament was grounds for divorce. In this day a man could divorce his wife for such trivial things as burning his meal or embarrassing him in front of his friends or he could divorce her if a more attractive woman came along. Well that pretty much opens up everything.

Yeah you know honey I love you but this other chick is way cuter than you. Bye bye. Really?

Yeah you could do that back in this day. So they are saying, Yeah well why did Moses command divorce? Jesus is saying, You guys have it all wrong. This is not God's order. Our modern equivalent to this thing would be irreconcilable differences.

This is the one we throw down all the time. Well our marriage didn't work out well. Irreconcilable differences. What were those?

I don't know but it was those. Irreconcilable differences. There is just no way we could reconcile those differences.

Really? Listen I have had irreconcilable differences with my wife for 37 years. She is neat and I am messy. She is sometimes late.

I am usually early. She is cute and I am fat. What are you going to do? It is irreconcilable. Oh well then we will get divorced.

No. We are going to work it out. We are going to flex. We are going to adapt. We are going to put the needs of each other above our own. Don't tell me irreconcilable differences.

And guess what? That is not biblical grounds for divorce. Every marriage will have irreconcilable differences. So that is not an allowance given in Scripture. Here is an allowance Christ gives.

Number one. Verse 9. If anyone divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another he commits adultery. Now what does this mean? Sexual immorality. It comes from the Greek word porneia. Guess what English word we get from that? Porn.

Pornographic. It is a word that actually encompasses a lot of immoral behaviors including obviously adultery, also incest, prostitution, homosexuality. Why is this such a deal breaker? Why would Jesus actually cite this saying if this happens God would permit divorce for this? Well because when you have sex with someone you become one flesh with them you see. Paul even said if you have sexual relations with a prostitute, a hooker, you become one flesh with her. So don't tell me it didn't mean anything or it was a one night stand.

No one means a lot to God. You can't do that. You can't treat sex that way. And when you enter into that union with that person this is a very sacred union to God. And so when you break that union with your spouse and go and have sex with someone else you have violated something.

Something very significant. And yes there is a release clause given by Christ Himself if such a thing happens. Unfaithfulness is grounds for divorce. But it is not only grounds for divorce. It is also grounds for forgiveness.

And I have seen a lot of marriages survive this. I know it seems devastating when your mate confesses to you they have been unfaithful. Usually they don't confess it until you find out though. Once in a while there will be someone who will say I just have a guilty conscience. But usually you get suspicious and you can tell and there are those signs and then you discover it and they deny it at first and then they admit it and it is devastating. There is no question. But it can be forgiven.

I have heard many many stories of those who have forgiven it and are glad that they did. And let me just say to you gosh I have seen this so many times it drives me crazy. But girls are guys who get involved and maybe this is a little more for girls. So I will direct this to girls. Girls who get involved with some guy who tells you he is going to leave his wife for you as they say in the East Coast, forget about it.

It is not going to happen. You think if you are having sex with this guy who is being unfaithful to his wife he is going to divorce his wife and marry you. First of all why would he not repeat the behavior with you number one. And number two why would he marry you when he is getting up for free. If he ends up getting divorced because of your affair he is going to find another girl.

Probably one that has not been doing what you have been doing because the very thing he asked for has now caused him to have no respect for you at all. So guess what. You lose twice. So don't go down that road. According to Dr. Lana Stenelling author of a book on marital triangles she says, Of those who break up their marriage and marry someone else 80 percent are sorry later. Of those who do marry their lover, which is only about 10 percent, 70 percent of them get a divorce.

Of that 25 to 30 percent that stay married only half of them are happy. She concludes, Having an affair is an invitation to an awful lot of pain and tragedy. Yeah. Absolutely.

So unfaithfulness is grounds for divorce. Don't go down that road. Don't even play with it in your mind.

With fantasies. Oh you know I won't do it but I will just think about it. No.

No. Because the first step to doing it is thinking about it. Love your wife. Love your husband. Be loyal to them.

Be faithful to them. Because you go down this road it is going to end in a lot of pain. And guess who the ultimate victims are going to be. After you pay the price your kids are going to pay the price. And it is going to be a hard price for them to pay.

Don't be so selfish. There is another reason given in Scripture where God will allow a divorce. It is in 1 Corinthians 7 13. It says, If a woman has a husband that believes, yet he has not pleased the door with her, let her not put him away. But then Paul says later, But if the unbelieving departs, a brother or a sister is not under bondage.

Ok so here is what he is saying. Let's say you are married to a nonbeliever. This happens a lot of ways.

And I will deal with this another time. But you marry a nonbeliever because maybe you both were non-Christians and you got married and one of you became a Christian and all of a sudden you are married to this nonbelieving guy or girl. And that brings stress in the marriage. Or some of you were not patient to wait on the Lord for the right guy or the right girl and you just said, I am going to marry this guy or marry this girl and I am going to lead them into the Lord.

Right. That probably didn't work out so well for you did it. And you basically disobeyed Scripture that says don't be unequally yoked together with nonbelievers. But ok now what is done is done.

You are married to them. So now you are saying, Yeah well I am not really happy in this marriage and I met this really cute guy at church and you know my husband doesn't care about the Lord and the Lord spoke to me the other day and he actually said to me, My child dumped the heathen husband and married the cute Christian guy sayeth the Lord. I mean it was even sayeth like King James. God didn't say that. Because in His Word He says, If the unbelievers please adore with you stay with them. Now your job is to try to win him or her to Christ.

Ok. But let's say they leave you. In other words they abandon you. They walk out on you.

They desert you. Well according to Scripture if that happens you are free. You don't have to remain in that relationship and you are free ultimately to remarry.

Now this really doesn't happen all that often. Most marriages fail because of selfishness. You want that person to cater to you. You expect marriage to make you happy as I already said. And most marriages fall apart because people ignore what the Bible says and do what they want to do. Every marriage is going to be challenged.

C.S. Lewis put it this way. People get from books the idea that if you have married the right person you may expect to go on being in love forever. As a result when they find they are not they think this proves they made a mistake and are entitled to a change not realizing that when they have changed the glamour will presently go out of the new love just as it went out of the old one. That is so true. So oh if I marry him it will be great and you get married and it is good for a time and then you know the hard work of marriage comes into play. Well I didn't know it was going to be hard.

I didn't know you know he wouldn't do everything I wanted or she wouldn't. And so well I will find someone else and then the problems come in that one. That comes into the next relationship. So Lewis concludes, "'In this department of life, as in every other, thrills come at the beginning and do not last. But if you go through with it, the dying away of the first thrill will be compensated for by a quieter and more lasting kind of interest.'"

Look. As you have been married for time it is not the same as it was. I don't have butterflies in my stomach every time my wife walks in the room. You know when I first met her oh I am so nervous. Kathy is here.

What do I say to her? I don't feel that way anymore. I am sorry. If Kathy walked in the room in the morning you know making breakfast oh I feel light headed. I have butterflies. She didn't think I was having a heart attack.

She called the paramedics. But the love we have and the place of that initial attraction is far greater. It is far deeper. It is far more significant. Sometimes you feel it.

Sometimes you don't feel it. But it is a commitment. And boy I tell you as the months go by and then the years go by and you have honored those vows and you have stuck to them you look back and you thank God.

And you look at others who have disregarded what the Bible says and are facing the consequences. No fairytale weddings are not really possible. I know we have heard all those stories. And they lived happily ever after. The better way to say it would be they lived happily even after. Even after. After what? After marriage.

Because they did it God's way. So here is my closing thought. If you are single don't rush it. Wait on the Lord. Find a godly man or woman.

Priority number one. If you are married and you are having troubles don't give up. Don't throw in the towel.

Ask God for help and try to save that marriage. You know I do find it interesting that the Lord uses the analogy of a husband's love for a wife to describe his love for the church. He says, love your wife as Christ loves the church.

Why do you want to talk about a tall order? But how did Christ love the church? Well He died on the cross for us.

And when did He do it? When we were His best friends? No the Bible says while we were still yet sinners Christ died for us. When we were the enemies of God shaking our fist in His face saying we don't want you God. That is when Christ died for us. To show His love for us.

And one day we realized that. We thought the Lord loves me. He will forgive me. And we put our faith in Him. Jesus Christ the Son of God came to this earth on a rescue mission. And He died on the cross in your place and then He rose again from the dead and He will come and forgive you of your sin.

I don't know if you are single or if you are married. Whoever you are whatever your state you need God. Everybody needs Christ in their life.

And I ask you in closing is Jesus Christ living inside of you right now? You think some guy is going to fill the deepest void of your life? You know one day my prince will come. Get over that. You need the prince of peace to come and live in your heart.

Girls and guys. He is the one who will meet your deepest needs. Like that woman at the well you know she was married and divorced five times and was living with a guy. And Jesus points us out to her. And then He says, you know if you drink of this water you will thirst again. But if you drink of the water I give you will never thirst again.

And He was sort of using her pursuit of happiness with men as a metaphor for going to a well and drawing water again and again and never being satisfied. Nothing that this world offers will meet the deepest need of your life. You are made to know God. And He will come and forgive you of your sin and live in your heart. And if you have never asked Jesus Christ to come into your life why don't you do that right now as we close in prayer.

And you can know for certain that you will go to heaven when you die. So let's all bow our heads and everyone pray if you would. Father I thank You for Your Word to us.

I thank You for Your love for us. And I pray for every person watching this message right now. Help them to see their need for Jesus.

And help them to come to and believe and be forgiven of all of their sins. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen. Pastor Greg Laurie with an important word of prayer. And if you would like to make a change in your relationship with the Lord today Pastor Greg will help you do that in just a moment before today's edition of A New Beginning concludes. And then thank you for partnering with us to help these daily studies continue.

Your investments have eternal benefits. Why not make this a part of your personal ministry to partner in an effort that's making a real difference with the gospel of Jesus Christ. Thank you for your prayers and for prayerfully considering how God might lead you to help tangibly. Online, you'll find us at harvest.org and there you'll see the way we'd like to thank you for your donation right now. That's harvest.org. Or write us at A New Beginning, Box 4000, Riverside, CA 92514. Or call us at 1-800-821-3300. We're here around the clock to take your call again at 1-800-821-3300. Well Pastor Greg, as we get close to the end of today's program, we want to give an opportunity for those who'd like to to make a change in their relationship with the Lord.

Could you help them with that? I'd be delighted to. Listen, if you would like to accept Jesus Christ into your life right now, by that I mean if you would like your sin forgiven and have the assurance that you will go to heaven when you die, would you pray this prayer with me? Just stop what you're doing and pray this prayer. You might even pray it out loud after me.

Let's pray together now. Lord Jesus, I know that I'm a sinner, but I thank you for dying on the cross for my sin and rising again from the dead. I'm sorry for my sin, Lord, and I turn from it now and I put my faith in you to be my Savior, my Lord, my God, and my friend.

Thank you for loving me and calling me and accepting me. In Jesus' name I pray, amen. Listen, if you just prayed that prayer in a minute, I want you to know on the authority of God's word that Jesus Christ has just come to take residence in your heart. The Bible says these things we write to you that believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life. Listen, we want to send you some resources that will help you grow spiritually.

So here's Dave with some details. And let me say, God bless you, and welcome to the family of God. And those resources Pastor Greg mentioned are all included in something we call our New Believers Growth Packet. And foremost among those resources is Pastor Greg's New Believers Bible. It's a special edition of God's word, and it'll help you get started living your life for the Lord. We'd like to send it to you free of charge. Just ask for the New Believers Bible when you call 1-800-821-3300. We can take your call anytime around the clock. That's 1-800-821-3300.

Or write A New Beginning, Box 4000, Riverside, California, 92514. Or just go online to harvest.org and click the two words, Know God. Hey everyone, I want you to know about our app called Harvest Plus. Think of it as a Harvest version of Netflix. We have all of our resources in one place. We have our movies like Steve McQueen, The Salvation of an American Icon, Johnny Cash, The Redemption of an American Icon, A Rush of Hope, and much more. Then we have our television program, daily devotions, and much more. So go and download the Harvest Plus app. Well next time, Pastor Greg comes back with even more insight straight from God's word on how to keep our marriages healthy and on track. Join us here on A New Beginning with pastor and Bible teacher, Greg Laurie.