Hope for Hurting Marriages, Part 1 | The Power of Commitment in Marriage

A New Beginning presents a great book from Pastor Greg Laurie called Hope for America. Yes, we're in a political season right now. We need to vote. We should be informed on the issues as Americans and as Christians, but we should also recognize the ultimate hope for our nation is turning back to God. So I talk about this and a lot more in a book I've written called Hope for America.

And I want to send it to you for your gift of any size. Get your copy at harvest.org. Pastor Greg Laurie points out how divorce is never part of God's plan for marriage. I believe most divorces can be averted. If we would just start with the operative principles of leaving and cleaving, it would make all the difference in the world because marriage is not so much finding the right person as much as it is being the right person. So you need to go into this marriage saying, how can I fulfill this person's needs? Listen to this.

It's not about you. A noted author of children's books said one advantage of marriage is that when you fall out of love with Him or He falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again. It's true relationships heat up and cool down over time, but marriage is the constant commitment that remains in place through it all, or should be. Today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie points out how to honor this commitment between a man and a woman and their God. Well let's turn in our Bibles now to Matthew chapter 19.

Matthew 19. And let's start with a word of prayer. Father we come here tonight believing that the Bible is the Word of God and believing that You want to speak to us through it. So we come with a sense of need with a recognition of Your awesomeness and Your power. Speak to us from Your Word. And I pray for every married person here tonight Lord that You will bless their marriage. If it is strong make it stronger.

If it is weak bring it to where it needs to be. If it is hanging by a thread revive it tonight Lord. We commit these people to You now. In Jesus' name we pray.

Amen. So let's read now what Jesus said to those who had lost hope for their hurting marriages. What He says is designed to restore hope again. Here are the Lord's words for hurting marriages. Matthew 19 verse 3. The Pharisees came to Him testing Him and saying, "'Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?' He answered and said to them, "'Have you not read that He that made them at the beginning made them male and female?' And He said, "'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife and the two shall become one flesh so there are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together let no man separate.'" You know it is interesting how Jesus evades the question and takes him back to God's original plan. In other words instead of finding a way out of marriage He points him to the way to stay married. And more importantly He shows him how to stay married God's way. He refers him to Genesis 2.

This is of course the story of Adam placed in the Garden of Eden. He was living a perfect life. I mean he was living in the ultimate bachelor pad.

No worries. No responsibilities. Just enjoying all that God gave to him. He was sort of like the first landscaper.

His job was to go around and tidy things up and take care of things and and just take it all in. I mean you can't think of a more beautiful place than where Adam lived and the experience he was having. And best of all the Lord God would show up every single day and take a walk with His boy Adam in the cool of the day. It was so perfect but something was missing.

Or to be more specific someone was missing. But that someone had not been created yet. And so the Lord said everything was good after He created it. But then He looked at Adam and said, "'Not good is the aloneness of man.'" And so the Lord caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam. And Eve was created. Now here is a big thing that we all need to know. It is like marriage 101.

But I am amazed how often people miss it. There are two operative words used here in the text by Jesus repeating what was said in Genesis that make for a successful and happy marriage. And the words are leave and cleave.

If you are writing notes down write those words down. Leave and cleave. Verse 5, "'For this reason shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave into his wife and the two shall become one flesh.'" So the word cleave means to glue or to cling.

So here is the idea. It is sever and bond. I detach from one thing and I attach to another. I depart from and adhere to.

Loosen and secure. So a successful and lasting and happy marriage begins with the leaving. In effect you are leaving all other relationships.

Now let me explain what that means. The closest relationship outside of marriage is specified here. "'That of a son to his parents for this cause shall a man leave his father and mother.'" Now that doesn't mean that the boy is no longer a son to his mom and dad. But it means the dynamics of the relationship have now changed because he as a husband and ultimately as a father is the head of a home and his now primary responsibility is not as a son to a father or a mother but it is more as a husband to a wife.

He must still honor his parents but a leaving must take place. And sometimes guys don't do this. You know they want to continue to please their mother or their father. I heard a story of one single young man who wanted to get married in the worst way. So I found a really attractive girl and brought her home. His mother didn't like her. So he went out and found another girl and brought her home to meet his mom. She didn't like her either. So then he went out and found a girl that looked just like his mother. She dressed like her. She talked like her. She acted like her in every way. But then his father didn't like her.

These are the jokes people. "'For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother.'" Leaving means giving other relationships a lesser degree of importance.

Ok so listen to this. When you get married your best friend should be your spouse. Now you can have other friends. You don't have to abandon all your friends.

No I can't do anything ever again. I am going to go home and hang out with my best friend. My wife. No you can still have other relationships but your best friend is your husband. Your best friend is your wife.

Sometimes people ask, hey can you have a best friend that is a member of the opposite sex. Answer. No. Not really. It just doesn't work out. Get real. I mean you are having another girl and she is your buddy or another guy you know girls and he is your good friend and you call him and you talk.

No. This is problematic. Ok. You have to understand that this relationship with your spouse is the most important relationship of all and it supersedes all other relationships.

This is very important. For a wife and her husband they are to be the best friend of each other. Here is a key verse that explains that. Malachi 2.13 says, "'The Lord has been witness between you and the wife of your youth to whom you have been faithless although she is your companion and wife.'" Companion and wife.

That is interesting. It doesn't just say she is your wife. She is your companion too.

And the word companion can be translated one you are united with in thoughts, goals, plans, and efforts. Does that describe you? Husbands? Or wives? Hey how well do you know your spouse? Do you know what they really care about? Do you know what they like to do? Do you know what their favorite food is?

Their favorite color is? You know I mean how well do you really know one another? If you don't treat your wife as you ought to as a husband it actually can bring your prayer life to a screeching halt. Did you know that? Because God says in 1 Peter 3, "'Husbands dwell with your wives and give them understanding giving honor to the wife as a weaker vessel as being heirs together of the grace of life so your prayers will not be hindered.'" Your prayers can be hindered if your marriage is out of whack. So this is under God your number one priority in life. And by the way that word that is used there for dwell with her doesn't mean just live with her.

Yeah I live with my wife there. I got that covered. It is more than that. It can actually be translated be aligned to or give maintenance to. Maintenance to. So we maintain things in life don't we? We maintain our houses.

Our homes. We maintain our cars. What happens if you have a car and you never do anything for it? You don't change the oil. You don't even put oil in.

You don't repair something. You know the tire goes flat. You just keep driving you know. Well your car is going to break down. And the same happens with a marriage. You know you don't maintain it.

You don't care for it. And it breaks down. I am always really impressed when I see a classic car drive by with a really old person driving it because I think that was probably their car in the beginning. And they have just maintained it. And it is perfection. You know they get out there and they wax it and they care for it and they are driving it along. You know and that is what you want your marriage to be. You don't want to trade her or him in for the new model.

You want to take your marriage and turn it into a classic and stand the test of time. But a lot of us don't pay attention to this. You know in our cars we have those idiot lights.

They are called. A little light that comes on. Usually when that comes on it means you are really in trouble.

I speak from experience. I have had them go on. And a little light will go on. Time to change your oil. Time for a service.

You know. Wouldn't it be nice if we had an idiot light in our marriage. Idiot husband. Time for a date night with your wife. Idiot wife. Stop nagging your husband.

Pay attention. So you need to ask yourself a question every now and then. Maybe more often.

Is there any relationship or pursuit I am involved in that would put distance between me and my mate? See I listen to my wife and if she were to say, you know Greg I think you are spending too much time doing thus and so or hanging around with this person. You know I listen to that and continue doing what I was doing. But I listen. No.

No. I will make the changes. And the same with her. And there are things that bring stress in marriage. Maybe something you have gotten really excited about.

Something you are really passionate about. And all of a sudden it is taking you away from the home more and more. You have to ask yourself the question, is this helping or hurting my marriage? So we are to do this. And I want you to notice that the emphasis is always to the husband. Notice that Peter said, husbands do well with your wives with understanding.

Listen to this. Husbands are to take the lead in the marriage. When Paul speaks about husbands and wives being married he says, husbands love your wife as Christ loves the church. Husbands are to take the lead. Because if a husband is doing what he ought to be doing I believe in most cases the wife will respond appropriately. Let her know you love her. Be the spiritual leader in your home.

Be the one that initiates these things. Why do we love God right now? Why are we Christians? The Bible says we love Him because He first loved us. Our love is a response to His love.

And the same is true in a marriage. She will respond and do what God wants her to do. If you will do your part. So don't tell me your wife is not doing her part. I am asking you guys, what are you doing? In so many cases the guy is doing very little. And now Pastor Greg continues his message, hope for hurting marriages.

So let's come back to what is said here. A man shall cleave unto his wife and they shall become one flesh. It's no use leaving unless you spend a lifetime cleaving.

What does it mean to clean? It means to adhere to or to stick or to be attached by some strong tie. And by the way that doesn't mean you are stuck together against your will. It means you are holding on.

In fact in the original language it speaks of a determined effort. Think of it this way. You are climbing up the side of the cliff. Are you stuck or are you holding on?

Well it is a ladder right. You are holding on. Why? Because you want to live.

That's why. And that is how you keep a marriage strong. We are stuck together.

No no no. We are holding on to each other. I am holding on to you. And you are holding on to me. And that is what it means to cleave.

Does that describe your relationship right now? When we go to the New Testament and see the word used again it translates out to be cemented together. To stick like glue.

To be welded together so the two cannot be separated without serious damage to both. Have you ever used super glue? You know I was always a really lousy model builder but I always tried. And when I was a kid I would get glue all over everything. And I wasn't patient enough to let the glue dry and then paint. I would start painting before the glue was done. So I just had a mess in those little strings of glue in your hands. So you know I got older and I became an adult and I bought a model and now they have super glue.

I thought this is great. Now I can just glue them really fast but I didn't read the directions and it warns you about gluing your fingers together. And I did.

I glued my finger and my thumb together. So I was walking around saying, Hey. Ok. I didn't want to.

How are you doing? Ok. But I am really not ok. But they are stuck you see. Super glue.

But that is the idea that is being conveyed here. It is like super glue. You are glued together. You are one person.

You are one flesh. And this involves constant communication. This is one of the keys to a successful marriage. Constant communication. Listen. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman. Before marriage and after marriage. But.

And this means you have to learn how to disagree agreeably. Sometimes I will have couples come in who want to get married and they will tell me all about how much they love each other. I will say have you guys ever had a disagreement or argument. Oh no we love each other too much. He is so sweet.

She is so gorgeous. You have never had an argument. No.

And we never plan on having anyone. Get out of my office. You come back into the real world. You guys are going to have lots of disagreements in life. So you better learn how to fight fair.

You better learn how to disagree agreeably. How to come to a conflict which you are going to have. How are you going to approach it. How are you going to ultimately resolve it.

And it is going to require you bending and compromising and listen to this. Forgiving. Forgiving. Ruth Graham said quote, A good marriage consists of two good forgivers. If you are not a good forgiver you are not going to have a good marriage. You have to learn how to forgive. And then you need to affirm one another. You know. Husbands when is the last time you hugged your wife without ulterior motives.

It wasn't leading to something. Honey I love you. Or when is the last time you told your husband how much you appreciated him. I heard about a couple that was having some marital problems so they went in to see a pastor and the pastor talked to him at great length and listened carefully and then said he really thought he had figured out what the problem was and he stood up from behind his desk and walked around to where the wife was sitting and had her stand and he gave her a hug. And he said to the husband, this is what this woman needs once a day. Husband kind of furrowed his brow for a moment and said, ok what time do you want me to bring her back tomorrow?

My jokes are so lame aren't they? I believe most divorces can be averted. If we would just start with the operative principles of leaving and cleaving it would make all the difference in the world. Because marriage is not so much finding the right person as much as it is being the right person. So you need to go into this marriage saying, how can I fulfill this person's needs.

Listen to this. It is not about you. If you are going to get married so he can meet all of your needs and make you happy or she is going to meet all of your needs and make you happy you are going to be an unhappy married person. But if you can put the needs of your mate above your own you can see dramatic things take place.

In fact the Bible tells us in Ephesians 5 before the wife is told to submit to her husband that husbands and wives are to submit one to another in the fear of God. A lot of people choke on that word submit. I am not submitting to anyone or anything. You submit all the time. You drive down the street and the CHP pulls up behind you.

You submit real fast. You live by rules. You live by standards. You know there are people who are in authority over you in life. You have your boss.

You have those who have influence on you. We all submit. There is nothing wrong with submitting. It is a good thing. And I will talk at another time about what it means for a wife to submit to her husband.

Let me just say this. Before we deal with that the Bible says submit one to another in the fear of God. Ok. So husbands are to submit to wives as well as wives submitting to husbands. But maybe we need a new word instead of submit because we don't know what it means. We think submit means be a doormat. Be a victim. Take whatever he gives.

I give up all my rights. But actually the word submit could be better translated to get in order under something. To get in order under something.

In a military sense it means to rank beneath or rank under. So a husband's submission to his wife does not mean that he abdicates his responsibility of leadership in the home. It means he helps her to bear her burdens. He guts underneath her to carry her cares.

Here is an illustration. My wife comes home from the market and she has the car filled with groceries. And I sit there and watch her as she unloads them and ask her when dinner is going to be made. No. I go and I help her carry things.

And I usually grab the heaviest things. You know because I want to assist her. That is just a simple illustration of what this means. Now you look at her in general or look at him in general. I want to help you see. I want to help you be the man God has called you to be.

I want to help you be the woman God has called you to be. I am your number one fan. I am in your corner. You can depend on me.

I am always here for you. So knowing that makes a big difference in life. Holding each other up.

We are all submitting at some point. It is putting the needs of your mate above your own. If at all possible you want to avoid divorce. Why? Well God doesn't like divorce.

Let me be more blunt. God hates it. Here is what He says in Malachi 2 18. I hate divorce says the Lord.

It is as cruel as putting on a victim's blood stained coat says the Lord God Almighty. So guard yourself and always be loyal to your wife. Clear biblical insight today on avoiding divorce and being the kind of husband or wife that our mates would want to stay married to. Practical counsel today here on A New Beginning with Pastor Greg Laurie. The Bible is full of rich insight for life.

Every facet of life including marriage and it answers the most important question of all. How do I make peace with God and make sure I'll go to heaven when this life is over? Pastor Greg someone can make that change today can't they?

They can and it's so simple and I think because it's so simple people think oh it can't be that easy. Well look Jesus did all the heavy lifting. He carried the cross for you.

He died on that cross that he carried. This isn't about what you do it's about what he's done but here's what the Bible says whoever will call upon the name of the Lord will be saved. So let's just say that you're caught in a riptide out in the ocean and you need help and there's a lifeguard at the stand and they see you. You've got to call out to them and let them know you need saving and the same is true when it comes to eternal life. Jesus is ready to save you will you call out to him?

You say well okay how do I do that? You do it through prayer and prayer is just talking to God. So listen I'd like to lead you in a simple prayer and if you pray this prayer after me I believe God will hear it and answer it and Christ will come to live inside of you. Thousands of people have prayed a prayer like this over the years that we've been doing this radio broadcast and have seen their life change. There's no power or magic in a prayer it's all about your commitment to Christ but this is a way to call on the name of the Lord in this prayer. So if you want Jesus to come into your life and forgive you of your sin if you want to know that you'll go to heaven when you die if you want to fill that big hole in your heart just pray this prayer after me you could pray it out loud if you like pray it in the quietness of your heart but pray these words if you would.

Lord Jesus I know that I'm a sinner but I know that you're the Savior who died on the cross for my sin. I am sorry for my sin and I turn from it now and I choose to follow you from this moment moment forward be my Savior and my Lord be my God and my friend. Thanks for hearing this prayer and answering this prayer in Jesus name I pray amen. Listen if you just prayed that prayer I want you to know that God has heard you and has answered it.

The Bible says these things we write to you that believe on the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life that you may know it's yours now God has given it to you because it's the gift of eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Congratulations and welcome to the family of God. Yeah that's right and we want to help you get started living this new life for the Lord. Let us send you Pastor Greg's New Believers Bible. It's in an easy to understand translation with so many helps specifically for those who are new to the faith and we'll send it free of charge. Just get in touch for your copy of the New Believers Bible.

Call us at 1-800-821-3300. We can take your call anytime that's 1-800-821-3300 or write A New Beginning Box 4000 Riverside California 92514 or go online to harvest.org and click Know God. You know Pastor Greg we hear from people all the time who tell us how these daily studies have impacted their lives so many have found the Lord and been encouraged through this teaching. That's right and we hope our listeners might pray about making an investment so these studies can continue. Yeah it's really true Dave you know and even a little bit helps you know people need to hear the gospel so badly they need to hear the teaching of the word of God. It changes everything because it changes us and I'm so passionate about it and I'm called to do it and I'm thankful for it but I can't do it alone so I'm going to ask folks that are listening if you think more people need to hear the gospel if you believe more people need to hear the teaching of the word of God then perfectly consider investing in Harvest Ministries and maybe even become a Harvest Partner which means you're someone who stands with us every month in your faithful giving and that opens up a lot of new opportunities for us so thanks for that.

Yeah that's right and we really are thankful for your partnership. You can reach us anytime day or night at 1-800-821-3300 that's 1-800-821-3300 or write A New Beginning Box 4000 Riverside California 92514 or just go online to harvest.org. Hey everybody I want to encourage you to join us for something we call Harvest at Home. It happens every Sunday at harvest.org and on our brand new app Harvest Plus which is available on your mobile TV devices. Download it now and you can watch Harvest at Home with Christians from around the world as we worship together and study God's word. So again join us for Harvest at Home at harvest.org or on Harvest Plus. Well next time Pastor Greg brings us more insight to help us keep our marriages strong even when time has taken its toll. Join us here on A New Beginning with pastor and Bible teacher, Greg Laurie.