Hope for Lonely Hearts | God's Design For Marriage

A New Beginning presents a great book from Pastor Greg Laurie called Hope for America. Yes, we're in a political season right now. We need to vote. We should be informed on the issues as Americans and as Christians, but we should also recognize the ultimate hope for our nation is turning back to God. So I talk about this and a lot more in a book I've written called Hope for America. And I want to send it to you for your gift of any size.

Get your copy at harvest.org. I think we make a big mistake when we think that a man or a woman is going to somehow rescue us from all of our problems. Today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie cautions people who plan to get married thinking it will fix what's wrong with their lives. No person is going to fix those needs deep in you. It's all about God.

That's who we need first and foremost. So focus your energy on seeking God. And I believe in His timing He will bring that right person to you. This is the day when the lost are found. This is the day for a new beginning. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound. Again you hear when the angels are singing.

This is the day, the day when life begins. Our culture has taken some liberties with marriage. It's been redefined, re-envisioned, re-written, and reconstructed. Sometimes it's held out as a panacea. Other times it's ridiculed as a ball and chain. Till death to us part has come to mean we'll give it a try. It's no wonder there's so much confusion about the institution. Today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie takes us back to God's original plan for marriage.

We'll see he has some ideas on how it can succeed. You know I think everyone is looking for love in life. An extensive survey was recently done by a leading polling agency and questionnaires were distributed to people of various ages and occupations. And the key question was this. What are you looking for most in life?

When the results were compiled the analysts were surprised because most of them thought that they would receive answers that would suggest materialistic goals. But at the top of the list was love. What are you looking for most in life? People said love. And we want to love and we want to be loved.

I know it sounds like a cliché but that's exactly what people want. Which then raises the question what is love? I think for a lot of people it's lust.

That's all it is. So do we really have a good understanding of it? Well if you are looking to our culture for cues you are going to be sorely disappointed. I mean if you are looking to Hollywood people to show you how to have a lasting and meaningful relationship that's not going to work at all. I hope you are not getting your cues on what love is from popular songs. Otherwise I think you will be very confused. You know I actually went and Googled all the songs with the word love in them.

And I looked at them for a while and then I started arranging them around. And here is what I learned about love from popular music. First of all there is the classic song. What the world needs now is love, sweet love.

So that is establishing that. Everyone is looking for it. Then foreigners saying I want to know what love is. And we must not forget yummy, yummy, yummy I've got love in my tummy. But what is love?

Well according to the Psalms one song says it is a many splintered thing. Another says love is the answer. And Led Zeppelin sang about a whole lot of love.

Meadlove sang he would do anything for love. But Phil Collins warned us you can't curry love. But why we wonder. Well another gives the answer when they say that's the way love goes. So let's put this all together and review. What have we learned so far? We need love in our tummy because love is the answer and love is many splintered.

We need a whole lot of it because. But you can't hurry it because that's the way it goes. But then when someone had to go and rain in our parade and come up with a song title that said, said I love you but I lied. That's an actual song title. Causing the Black Eyed Peas to wonder in their song where is the love? The Beatles famously sang all you need is love.

Then they broke up and sued each other. Another song warns us too much love will kill you. Maybe that's why Dionne Warwick sang I'll never love this way again. And Tina Turner sang what's love got to do with it. Maybe the Jay Giles band had it right when they simply sang love stinks. So what we need is real love.

Not the pseudo love of culture today. So in this message I want to talk about love and lust and loneliness and being single. If you are a lonely person I want to offer hope to you because maybe you are wondering if you are ever going to find that person in life that you would marry and spend the rest of your life with.

But guess what? Single people aren't the only ones who are lonely out there. Did you know that there is lonely married people too? Because maybe they are in a sort of a loveless marriage. Maybe they have a disengaged mate. Or maybe they found themselves in a marriage where one is a believer and the other is not. So effectively they are going two directions in life. And so there is loneliness that can happen in a single situation as well as in a marriage relationship. But I think we make a big mistake when we think that marriage is going to solve all of our problems.

Or to think that a man or a woman is going to somehow rescue us from all of our problems. You know little girls I have discovered. Now I have four granddaughters now. I raised two sons and now with four granddaughters I have entered into a whole new world of pink and glitter and princesses and mermaids and all these things you know. And I have discovered that little girls really do generally like the color pink. And they like to dress up like little princesses. And when I am around them you can tell because I have leftover glitter for days. Have you noticed that glitter kind of sticks on you for a really long time. And people will say, why is there glitter on your face?

Let me explain. But it is funny how the little girls will talk about wanting to be a princess. And they will dress up like a princess. And so when I play with them I always get the part of the prince of course. So they are all the little princess parts and I have to have the prince say something you know and little songs and okay I shouldn't tell you too much information. But there is this longing in the heart of a little girl you know that someday her prince will come. And she gets older. And instead of the frog turning into a prince the prince turns into a frog.

She used to sing someday my prince will come and now she is singing someday maybe another prince will come because that other one didn't work out so well. And then we enter into our adult years and sometimes people never really get over this. They are still thinking a man or a woman is going to fill the hole in their life. A Hollywood actress said, quote, I believe a lot of us feel there is a big hole in our hearts.

An unfortunate ache that is fixed by some people eating too much. Others with drugs. In my case I am a romance junkie. And I think what they are looking for is this sort of euphoric excitement that they find when they initially hook up with someone and they are flush with all the feelings of attraction. But then you know after a long period of time passes like two weeks they break up.

They move on again. So let's just start with a simple truth. You need to be content where you are irregardless of your marital status. If you are a single you need to be content as a single. And if you are married you need to be content as a married person. And understand this.

No person is going to fix those needs deep in you. It is all about God. That is who we need first and foremost.

So let's get first things first. Now as you are doing that here is a verse that you might want to keep in mind. Psalm 37 4. Delight yourself from the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. That doesn't say delight yourself from the Lord and He will give you a husband or a wife. He will give you the desires of your heart. So first find your fulfillment in Christ Himself and then you want to wait on the Lord. Don't be obsessed with finding a person. Focus your energy on seeking God and I believe in His timing He will bring that right person to you.

And so we want to be seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to us. Better to be happily single than unhappily married. Comedian Chris Rock said quote, Do you want to be single and lonely or married and bored?

Are those the only choices Chris? I beg to differ. If marriage is miserable the fault lies with the participants not the institution. There is a common assumption often held by singles that married people are generally unhappy.

The reason as follows. Well 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce right. And then the 50 percent who stay married are miserable so why get married. Some have even said you know the whole institution of marriage is outdated. In fact in a poll 40 percent of singles said they thought the institution of marriage was obsolete. So many will say why don't we just live together. Instead it is a far better idea. Why bother getting married. Well it is just a piece of paper.

What does it really mean. Now that sounds logical perhaps to some. But actually it is not correct factually. For starters living together will hurt not help your chance of having a happy marriage. This is borne out by statistics. The Census Bureau informs us that there are one million unmarried couples now living together.

That is a 600 percent increase in this last decade. Less people are getting married these days and if current trends continue a minority of adults will be married in the next few years. But here is why living together is wrong. Number one, as I already cited, you will actually hurt your chances of ever having a good marriage. Studies show that couples who live together before marriage have a 50 percent greater chance of divorce than those that don't. And by the way that is based on 50 years of data.

Furthermore 20 percent of cohabiting women are unfaithful to their mates as opposed to 4 percent of those who are married. You know think about it. I mean what is good for the goose is good for the gander right. What does that even mean. I mean really. One of those expressions we throw on the goose and the gander.

What. But I think the idea of it is hey I mean if I am in a relationship with a girl and we are living together and we are not married and I see a more attractive girl what do I need to be worried about this commitment. I mean we are not married right.

And so you see once you start blurring the lines and you blur all the lines. And so it becomes very problematic on a number of levels. But here is the greater reason to not live together. Quite simply it is a sin. It violates God's law. It violates His order as revealed in scripture.

He will not bless it. That means that every day you live this way you are effectively separated from God in fellowship and it is going to drive a wedge between you and your mate. So living together is not the answer. Well what about all these unhappy marriages. Well listen I know some people who are not happy in their marriage but the fact of the matter is is most people who are married are actually quite happy. Timothy Keller in his book The Meaning of Marriage pointed out and I quote, all surveys tell us that the number of people who say they are very happy in their marriage is high about 61 to 62 percent. Keller says studies have found that two-thirds of those unhappy marriages will become happy within five years if the people stay married and do not get divorced.

During the last two decades a great preponderance of research evidence shows that people who are married consistently show much higher degrees of satisfaction with their lives than those who are single divorced or living with a partner end quote. Pastor Greg Laurie will have the second half of his message in just a moment. Hey everyone I want you to know about our app called Harvest Plus. Think of it as a harvest version of Netflix. We have all of our resources in one place. We have our movies like Steve McQueen The Salvation of an American Icon, Johnny Cash The Redemption of an American Icon, A Rush of Hope and much more. Then we have our television program, daily devotions and much more.

So go and download the Harvest Plus app. Well today Pastor Greg is helping us understand God's plan for marriage and a number of factors singles should consider before walking down the aisle. There are advantages to being married clearly and there are advantages to being single. Far too often single people wish they were married and sometimes married people wish they were single again. You know single people will say I am lonely. I want someone to share my life with. I am tired of going to do a restaurant and saying table for one.

Or even worse bitter party of one. But then some who are married might say oh man I miss the good old days when I was single. You know I could leave my clothes laying all over the house and do whatever I wanted and come and go as I please and spend my money the way I want to spend it without being nagged. Now I am married and I have all these responsibilities.

You know the grass is always greener on the other side. So there are really advantages and disadvantages to both. Paul lays it out pretty clearly in 1 Corinthians 7, 32 to 35 he says, when you are unmarried you are free to concentrate on simply pleasing the Lord. Marriage involves you in all the nuts and bolts of domestic life and in wanting to please your spouse leading to so many more demands on your attention. The time and energy that married people spend in caring for and nurturing each other the unmarried can spend in becoming holy instruments of God.

So I am trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you and not make things harder. So Paul is not critical of a married person wanting to please their spouse because the fact of the matter is you should be that way. But when you are single you don't have that responsibility. You have flexibility. You have mobility. You can do things many married people cannot. And this is especially helpful when it comes to serving the Lord. And so if you are single now then you can utilize the opportunities before you.

But know this. It is very likely you are going to be married one day. So if that is something you really hope for and desire don't despair. You know I know there are some people that don't feel like they ever want to get married.

And there are some people that will remain single their life and happily so. And that is absolutely fine. I mean I might cite that Paul the apostle was not married to our knowledge. And how about Jesus Christ? Is he a good example?

I think so. He was never married. So here are two outstanding examples. One good. One flawless of living as a single person in effect. And so there is a life that God can give to you in that way that can be very fulfilling. But if you are saying well that is not me. I really want someone. Then chances are you are going to get married.

Studies show that nine out of ten Americans are married at least at some point in their life. And I believe that the Lord is someone picked out for you. So guess what? You can start praying for them. You may not even know who they are. Fact is you may know them and you haven't discovered them yet. You know sometimes it is someone that is a good friend and you don't think of them as a potential mate.

They are just a buddy but they are a member of the opposite sex of course. And then one day you just look at them and it is like. It dawns on you. What about them? So that happens. Maybe you will meet them tomorrow.

Maybe you will meet them tonight. What should you be looking for in that person that would be a potential mate? Well a survey was done among singles and the most important qualities singles we are looking for were number one beauty 43 percent. Number two brains 50 percent.

And number three disposable cash 6 percent. It is interesting that no mention is made of inner qualities. But the inner qualities are what really start to matter in the long run. You know nobody likes to get older but let's just try to delicately say sometimes maybe it is a greater struggle for girls than guys. Right? You know guys are like I am wrinkled and proud of it. I use a Brillo pad to make it even worse. Where girls are like oh no. How wrinkled. I have to get rid of them you know. More Botox injections. And they have to actually tell you how they are feeling because their face doesn't move anymore.

They look perpetually surprised. You know just. Listen girls. You are going to get older. Deal with it. But how about this.

Grow into a woman of God. Not a cougar. All the cougars are walking out. We are out of here.

But we won't know they are mad because. No never mind. I am going to get letters.

Emails. Here is your goal girls. You should seek to be a woman of virtue. That is what the Bible says. That is why we call our women's ministry virtue. It is based on Proverbs 31 where it says, Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is worth more than precious rubies. Her husband can trust her and she will enrich his life. She will not hinder him but help him.

Listen to this. Charm is deceptive. Beauty does not last. But a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. You know virtue might be thought of as a feminine word but actually in the original language it is not feminine at all.

It is translated many ways. Sometimes the word virtue is the root word for virtue is used to describe an army and on another occasion scripture a man. So it doesn't speak of femininity as much as it speaks of strength, power, and influence. So the Bible is actually saying be a woman of strength. Be a woman of influence because God has given you a skill set to influence in a profound and significant way. You should not be preoccupied with your appearance.

You shouldn't disregard it all together either. But 1 Peter 3 says, What matters not is not your outer appearance, the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes, but your inner disposition, cultivate inner beauty, the gentle gracious kind that God delights in. Today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg Laurie is offering insights on how Christian women should conduct themselves. And Pastor Greg has a closing illustration of that point in just a moment, so please stay with us. Pastor Greg is pointing out how everything in our lives should reflect our love for Christ and draw people to the Lord. And you know that's our goal each day here on this broadcast to draw people to Christ. Have you ever come into a personal relationship with Jesus? Pastor Greg, maybe there's somebody listening who isn't sure that they've come to the Lord.

What would you say to them? I would say that God is just a prayer away. You know, it doesn't take years to become a Christian. It doesn't take months. Frankly, it doesn't even take hours.

It can happen so quickly. It just starts with you saying to God, I know I'm a sinner. I know that you love me. I know that you sent Jesus to die on the cross for my sin and paid for those sins and then to rise again from the dead and I want him to come into my life. So here's my question to you.

Have you done that yet? Because Jesus who did die on that cross and rose again from the dead three days later is alive and standing at the door of your life right now and he's knocking. And he's saying, if you'll hear my voice and open the door, I will come in. Would you like your sin forgiven? Would you like to know that when you die, you will go to heaven?

Do you want Christ to come into your life right now? If so, why don't you just stop whatever it is you're doing and pray this prayer with me. You could pray it out loud. You can pray it in the quietness of your own heart, but pray this prayer to God. Say, Lord Jesus, I know that I am a sinner, but I know that you are the savior who died on the cross for my sin and rose again from the dead. I'm sorry for my sin and I turn from it now and I choose to follow you from this moment forward. I ask all of this in Jesus' name.

Amen. Listen, if you just prayed that prayer, the Bible promises that God has heard your prayer and has answered that prayer. The Bible says that we will confess our sin.

He's faithful and just to forgive us our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. So God bless you. You've made the right decision, the decision to follow Jesus Christ.

Yeah, yeah, that's right. And listen, as you begin to live this new life, we want to send you something to help you get started off right. It's Pastor Greg's New Believers Bible. It's in an easy to understand translation, plus hundreds and hundreds of study helps, especially for those who are new to the faith.

It'll answer the questions you may have. So get in touch for the New Believers Bible. We'll send it to you free of any charge. Just call 1-800-821-3300. That's 1-800-821-3300. Or write A New Beginning, Box 4000, Riverside, CA 92514. Or go online to harvest.org and click Know God. And then let us take a moment to thank you for praying for this ministry and for supporting it through your generous donation.

It's an investment in kingdom business. Isn't that right, Pastor Greg? Yeah, it's really true, Dave. And I believe it's so important because, you know, the gospel saves lives. It saves eternal lives because when a person believes in Jesus, according to Scripture, they pass from darkness to light, from the power of Satan to the power of God. And then, of course, that changes the course of their future.

That impacts their children and their children's children. The gospel changes everything. And thousands and thousands of people respond every single year. Thanks to the Lord. Also, thanks to you for your investment in this ministry, enabling us to reach people wherever they are. So if this is something you care about, I encourage you to make a financial investment in A New Beginning and Harvest Ministries.

Yeah, that's right. And we really do appreciate your support. Thanks for partnering with us today.

It can make a real difference, not just for today or this week, but for eternity. So get in touch with your support today by calling 1-800-821-3300. That's a 24-7 phone number, 1-800-821-3300. Or write A New Beginning, Box 4000, Riverside, CA 92514.

Or go online to harvest.org. Well, next time, more valuable counsel from the message Hope for Lonely Hearts. But before we go, Pastor Greg comes back to close our study time with some additional thoughts on the importance of inner beauty. You know, how many girls today give even a passing thought to the inner person? That's why Christian girls are so attractive. That's why non-Christian guys hit on Christian girls.

Because you've got that special something the other girls don't have. And it just sort of shines through. It's that virtue. It's that godliness that is a very magnetic thing.

As a matter of fact that is how I came to initially even pay attention to the Christians on my high school campus. There was a girl there. She wasn't like a beauty queen.

But I mean she was an attractive girl but not strikingly attractive. But there was something about her that caught my eye that drew me to enter into a conversation with her where I saw that she had a Bible. And out of curiosity I wanted to know why a perfectly cute girl would waste her life as a follower of Jesus.

Because I was not a believer clearly. And then when I went to that meeting where she was attending I heard the gospel for the first time. And that was the day I came to Christ. And after I prayed and asked the Lord to come into my life that girl came up to me and threw her arms around me and hugged me and said, God bless you brother. And I thought, I like Christianity. It was good. Now that girl never became my girlfriend but the Lord used her to get my attention you see. So that's a good thing.