Hope for Those Who Have Lost Loved Ones: Crying Out to God

Today's episode of A New Beginning is brought to you by Harvest Partners, helping people everywhere know God.

Learn more at harvest.org. And while you're there, browse our library of free e-books designed to help you grow in your faith. I couldn't believe this was happening.

It's not possible. It's like time just stops. Pastor Greg Laurie on hearing the news that his son was gone. I actually thought if a person could die from hearing words, I could have died from what I had just heard. I lost my appetite. I couldn't sleep. I wanted to do an immediate state of shock. I collapsed on the floor.

I could not stand. And I just cried out to God. Today on A New Beginning, Pastor Greg shares from his family's very personal experience. It's still very, very painful. There is still a gaping hole in our lives that was once occupied by Christopher. But I've learned a lot about grieving and loss. But I want to tell you one other thing I've learned a lot about. I've learned about hope.

We all need hope in life to get through. Today, a message called Hope for Those Who Have Lost Loved Ones. It's a study that's resonated with so many of our listeners.

They voted it one of this past year's most requested messages. Get a permanent copy of this encouragement for yourself by going to harvest.org. Here is Pastor Greg now to begin. Those moments of common life where things are going reasonably well we give God the glory. But sometimes the Lord will give us truth in our life that we will store up for another day.

Sort of like the little squirrel saving up for the winter. So store these truths in your heart because if you live very long it is only a matter of time until a loved one is going to leave this world before you. Before a doctor gives you bad news.

Before some kind of crisis happens in your home. So we want to be prepared. It has been said if you preach to hurting people you will never lack for an audience. Today I am going to talk about hope for those who have lost loved ones. And I posted this on my Facebook page that I was going to be addressing this topic. And you ought to read what people said. How they are facing great crisis or have lost a loved one recently.

And how they are seeking to cope with it. So certainly there is a lot of people that need to hear this. You know I have become a member of a club I never wanted to join. But there is no denying the fact that I am a bona fide member. And I have met many others who are in it as well. And so I hope that I can bring some words of comfort and encouragement and perspective to those that are facing this right now.

You know I guess I should give my credentials and why I feel qualified to speak about this. I suppose that I have suffered quite a bit in life. I have not suffered as much as some. But perhaps I have suffered more than others. I had a crazy childhood.

You have all heard the story of my upbringing. My beautiful mother who wanted to look like Marilyn Monroe. And I saw my mom rarely. And she would come and make an appearance and I would be so excited to see her.

Then she would disappear again. And this was sort of the cycle of my life. Being with her. Not being with her.

Dealing with all of the things she went through as an alcoholic and someone who was married and divorced seven times. Well then I was sent to military school. And though I did not like going to military school. Though I was very lonely there. I have to look back and acknowledge it was one of the more stable times of my life. The Southern California Military Academy on Signal Hill in Long Beach.

It is no longer there. And I remember that we were forced, not forced, but it was mandatory to attend chapel every Sunday. So along with the other cadets I would sit in the chapel services. And there was a song that we sang there that I still remember to this day. The title I think is, You'll Never Walk Alone.

And the song words went along these lines. When you walk through a storm, hold your head up high and don't be afraid of the dark. At the end of the storm is a golden sky and the sweet silver song of the lark. Walk on through the wind.

Walk on through the rain. Though your dreams be tossed and blown. Walk on, walk on with hope in your heart and you'll never walk alone.

For some reason that song resonated with me. I had this optimism despite my upbringing that someday in some way things were going to get better. I always believed that there was a God. I always believed in Jesus Christ. And as much as I knew about Him.

When I lived in my grandparents home she had a painting or a portrait of Christ. I would look at this depiction of Jesus and I would have great admiration for Him. I would think I wish I could know this Jesus but He came. He died. He is gone.

Or maybe He is up there somewhere but I don't know where and I don't know how to communicate with Him. But though my life had taken a lot of difficult twists and turns in 1970 I heard a message that I understood and I prayed and asked Christ to come into my life. Now that was when things started turning for the better. And I was determined to not follow in the footsteps of my mother. Though she had been married seven times I was determined to have a successful marriage. And so when I met Kathy and we got married we wanted to do everything to make our marriage strong. And I am thankful to say that we have been married now for 37 years and God has been so good to us. And then our first son came along. Christopher.

And then 10 years later along comes Jonathan. And you know because I never had a father growing up I wanted to be super dad. I am not implying that I think I succeeded because I don't think I did at all. But I wanted to be a hands on father. I wanted to be a loving father. I wanted to be a present father. I wanted to teach him in the way of the Lord but I wanted to have fun with him too. And you know no question about it I spoiled Christopher. I bought him way too many toys. And I think one of the reasons was I wanted to personally play with those toys too. So like Dr. Dobson once said, every parent owes their first child an apology.

There is probably some truth to that. But you know he was precocious and he was always getting into trouble. And he had a time where as he got a little bit older in his twenties he rebelled against the Lord.

He was never rebellious outwardly with us. But I know he was living a double life and we prayed. We spent many sleepless nights. And then thankfully God got hold of him.

And he made a recommitment to Christ. And then he got married to a girl named Brittany. And our first granddaughter little Stella was born. And it was so exciting to be a grandparent. And then also little Lucy was on the way.

We were at home. Kathy was doing a little Bible study with Brittany. Christopher's wife and her mom.

And I was watching Stella. And we hadn't heard from Christopher. He worked here at the church and was on his way to work. And we tried to call him. He didn't answer. So I texted him. I remember what I said.

Where are you? There was no answer. Well the reason there was no answer is my son left this world around 901 and went into the presence of God in an automobile crash. Only those of you who have lost a loved one will understand what I am about to say. But the word devastated doesn't express how bad it actually is.

Now understand I have been a pastor for quite a long time. And I have actually been with parents when they have heard the news. I was with one couple in the waiting room of a hospital when their child was being operated on.

And the doctor came and revealed that she had not made it through. So I have been there. I have seen it up close and personal. I know what it is like. And I thought I had a sense of what it would be like to hear it.

But man when it happens to you it is like time just stops. And I went into an immediate state of shock. I collapsed on the floor. I could not stand. I don't even know if I cried. I just was stunned. I couldn't believe this was happening.

It is not possible. And immediately it seemed like within minutes our home was filled with well-wishers and family and friends and the phone was ringing and everyone was trying to bring help and comfort but it was just a blur of noise to me. And I got away and I went over to my office, which is over our garage, and I just fell on the floor and I just cried out to God for help to get through not the day but the minutes. It just seemed like how can you survive this.

I actually thought if a person could die from hearing words I could have died from what I had just heard. I lost my appetite. I couldn't sleep. And it just seemed to go on forever. It is like a nightmare. And you keep hoping that you will wake up from it. You know when you have that bad dream and your heart is racing and you wake up and you say, it is ok. It is just a dream. I wanted so badly to wake up from this dream.

That was not a dream at all. It was reality. So Friday passed and then Saturday came and went and Sunday and then we thought, well let's go to church. And I came here. Now people have said to me, oh Greg it was so courageous of you to come to church. You know you are such a model of faith. Well thank you for saying that.

But you know what. I was here because I needed God. I don't think it was an example of great faith.

I think it was the example of someone who was weak who needed help. And I am not embarrassed to admit that. So we came and we wanted to hear the Word of God taught.

And we wanted to worship the Lord. And I am not embarrassed to say that. I am still mourning. It still hurts. Is it the same as it was back then? No it isn't. It is different. Is it better?

In a way it is. But it is still very very painful. There is still a gaping hole in our lives that was once occupied by Christopher. But I have learned a lot about grieving and loss and daily pain. I have learned how to live with pain.

How to cope with it. As I mentioned a few moments ago I have become part of a club. I never wanted to join so hardly a day goes by when I don't encounter someone or hear from someone who has also lost a loved one and they are asking for some kind of help. So I have learned a lot about these things. I have learned more about mourning.

But I want to tell you one other thing I have learned a lot about. I have learned about hope. And I have hope. And hope is like an anchor that keeps us in place during the tumultuous storms of life. In fact Hebrews 6.19 says we have this hope as an anchor for the soul.

Firm and secure. And so that is what we want to share with you today. It has been said that men can live 40 days without food, three days without water, eight minutes without air, and about one second without hope. We all need hope in life to get through.

Now listen. That doesn't mean that you are not going to feel pain. To have hope does not mean that you have a permanent smile plastered on your face.

Nor does it mean you have had some kind of a spiritual lobotomy where you don't feel what other people feel. You can have hope and pain coexisting together. But what does it mean to have hope? Is it just hope and hope? Oh I just know things will get better. Well wait. You don't know it because things could actually get worse.

Right. So what is my hope in? My hope is in God.

I have to look to Him. And here is what God says to us in one of my favorite verses Jeremiah 29.11. The Lord says, "'I know the thoughts that I think toward you,' says the Lord, "'thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.'"

That is what God is saying to us. Now contextually that statement was given to the Israelites when they were in Babylonian captivity. Because of their penchant for idolatry the Lord banished them to the land of idolatry Babylon for 70 long years. They were no longer worshipping.

They said they hung their harps on the willow tree, which means that they sort of put the guitar away in the closet and unplugged the amps. And there were no praise services happening because they felt like God had forgotten about them. And God had abandoned them. So with that backdrop the Lord says, "'Hey everyone listen. I know the thoughts that I think toward you,' says the Lord, "'thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.'" God was saying, "'Israel listen to me. Your days are not over.

I have a future for you.' And God is saying the same to us." I love how the Lord says, "'I know the thoughts that I think toward you.'" It would have been enough if God would have said, "'I know the single thought I once had toward you for a fleeting moment.'" Wouldn't you be happy to know that God Almighty the Creator of the universe had a single thought about you?

I would. But that is not what the Lord says. He says, "'I know the thoughts,' plural more than one, "'that I think,' not just past tense but present tense, "'toward you, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future.'" So the thoughts of God are from what He has thought, what He is thinking, and what He still will think.

They are good thoughts. The Bible says in Psalm 45, "'Many are your wonderful works. What you have done in your thoughts toward us cannot be counted.

There more than can be numbered.'" Now listen to this. It all depends how someone is thinking about you. I mean someone might be thinking about you right now and they are thinking evil thoughts. They are plotting in how they are going to destroy you. They are like, "'Don't think about me.

Get me off your radar screen.'" But that is not the way God is thinking. "'I know the thoughts that I think toward you,' says the Lord, "'thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.'"

So His thoughts are good. And what does He mean when He says a future? It better be translated and expected in. Or another translation would say a ground of hope or things hoped for. In other words there will be an outcome. There will be completion in your life.

God will tie up the loose ends because as a Christian I am a work in progress. I am an artist. I use that word loosely. I didn't say I was a good artist. But I like to draw. And people will sometimes ask me to draw something and they will say, "'Greg draw me.' Or, "'Draw this.' Or, "'Draw that.'" And I like to draw for little kids especially you know because they are always so appreciative. And so I will sit down and I will have a pen and I am looking at the paper and maybe I will just sort of do a line and I will start to smile and someone will say, "'What are you smiling on?

There is nothing on the paper.'" I say, "'I am just laughing about what I am going to do because it is going to be a caricature of you and you are going to look so bad.'" No. See.

But that is me right. So here is God. And He is working on a canvas.

And He does the line. We say, "'Wow Lord what is that going to be? Finish it.

Come on. Complete it.'" But in God's mind the art is done. The painting is completed.

It is already finished. And in the same way God looks at you and though it is still a work in progress for you God knows exactly what He is doing. There is an expected end and it is good. Now you might say, "'No way Greg.'" What about when everything in life doesn't make sense? What about when we get sick and we pray to be healed and we are not?

And what about when someone dies? Where is the good now Greg? Where is the expected end now?

Really? It is called heaven folks. It is not going to all be rosy on earth. You are going to have good moments here. You are going to have times when things come together and make sense.

And then there is going to be times when they don't make any sense at all. But ultimately the future for every believer is being in the presence of God in heaven. That is the thing we hope for. And God is the one we place our trust in. Psalm 38 15 says, "'You O Lord, I hope in You. You will hear O Lord my God.'" Psalm 130 verse 5, "'I am counting on You Lord. Yes I am counting on You. I have put my hope in Your Word.'"

Now this all sounds quite sunny and happy. But I want you to know that you can actually be hopeful and mourning simultaneously. You know when a loved one leaves this world, especially when it is unexpected, it tears us up inside. Even when it is expected it is very hard to deal with. There is a deep sense of loss because there was a deep love. You know sometimes people will say, well you shouldn't be crying. You shouldn't be mourning.

They are in heaven if they are a believer. But even the great apostle Paul talked about the deep sorrow he was feeling if a friend of his would die. In Philippians 2 25 he says, "'I thought I would send Epaphroditus back to you. He is a true brother, a faithful worker, a courageous soldier. He was your messenger to help me in my need. Now I am sending him home again for he has been longing to see you. And he is very distressed that you found out he was ill and he surely was ill. In fact he almost died but God had mercy on him.'"

Listen to this. Paul says, "'But also on me so I would not have such unbearable sorrow.'" This is Paul who has been to heaven and has come back again. This is Paul who had more faith than anyone you can imagine.

And yet Paul himself is saying, if Epaphroditus had died I don't know if I could have borne it. You see. And that is how it can be. You wonder can I bear this. Can I get through this. When you lose someone you think can I survive this. And people will say, you know what don't cry.

Get over it. But I want to say something to you that knows someone that is mourning. The Bible says there is a time to weep and there is a time to mourn. And don't ever tell a person who has lost someone to get over it or to stop crying.

Who are you to say such a thing? I think of some things that I have flippantly said even to people who are going through a time of mourning. Am I impatient to see them get better? I had their best interests in mind but I didn't really know what I was talking about. You need to give them space. You need to give them time. And understand something. This mourning is part of the healing process.

If you don't go through it properly it can sort of mess you up a little bit. I know people that have lost loved ones that have never dealt with it properly. They have never mourned as they should.

They are either in a state of denial where they will not acknowledge it happened or they can't let go of the person and it changes who they are. You need to let it out. And though you want to fight tears I am telling you tears have their place. And when you cry, and I mean really cry, not when your eyes mist up, I mean when you cry so badly it is like you feel pain in your chest and you drop to the ground.

That kind of mourning can actually have a healing effect on the person. Ok. So be patient with people one morning. Pastor Greg Laurie with great counsel from Scripture and from his own personal experience. And there is more to come next time from this message, one of our listeners most requested studies of the past year. Now Pastor Greg is here in studio with us along with his son Pastor Jonathan Laurie and Pastor Levi Lusko from Fresh Life Church in Montana, Utah, Oregon and Wyoming. And we will hear from them in just a moment. Are you receiving Pastor Greg's daily devotions?

They are a great way to start your day with extra insight and inspiration. Sign up for his devotions today at Harvest.org. Hey everybody, Pastor Greg here with two young men who are doing a great job raising their families and who are teaching their children and I can say knowing them both very well, they are doing a fantastic job of it. And there is someone listening right now, there is a mom, there is a dad, they do not know how to share the truth of the Word of God with their kids. Maybe each of you could just give us a couple of tips on how to communicate the Word of God to a child.

Levi, why don't you go first? Well, I would say there is not going to be a perfect approach. Just be consistent.

Don't put too much pressure on it, like it needs to be some like hour and a half revival service. You know, kids have a very short attention span and when you have those windows, seize them. Like what Jesus did, he would be like, see that bird? And he would use the bird to speak about God's love. He would say, see that wheat field? He would talk about tares and the wheat.

So I think use object lessons. Don't just make it where it is just church on Sunday or just when you are having strict devotions, but have it be peppered throughout all your conversation. Like the Bible says, pray without ceasing. Then I would say secondly, you know, for example, in these devotions, every day begins with a scripture verse and ends with a prayer. I would say maybe even before you start the devo on your own time, go read the whole chapter that that verse is in so you have some additional context and you have some additional things kind of in your heart. And then when you get down to it, you are able to kind of pepper in more things that you have learned that God has been teaching you into that day's devotional. Jonathan, what are your thoughts about bringing the word of God to kids?

Yeah. I think the best thing you could do is to have that personal devotion life, like Levi mentioned, maybe just prepare beforehand. You know, you can't take people to a place that you haven't been to yourself. And so you need to know where you're taking your kids. And I just read last night, chapter 27, Levi, actually Christopher read it to me. He's my nine-year-old son. I have them read it.

It's a lot of fun, but it's goofs, mistakes, and mess ups. And it's Lamentations 3 is the scripture verse. The Lord's love never ends. His mercies never stop.

They're new every morning. And then Levi, you go on to talk about how maybe you face planted at school, you flunked the test, you lost your temper, you got in trouble with your sibling. You go on to remind them the Lord's mercies are new every morning.

Shoot, man, that's resonating with me now. I'm starting to tear up. I'm thinking about the thing that I messed up today, the guy on the freeway or that, you know, the thing I said to my wife earlier and how I should have done this differently. What did you say to her earlier? That's on next week's edition of A New Beginning.

You can ask her yourself. We will not be airing that publicly. No, but just, we all mess up in little ways and we just think back over the course of our day. I could have handled that differently. I could have responded in this way. Oh, I wish I had taken that opportunity to share my faith. But it was such a good reminder, even to me last night, reading this with my kids. The Lord's love never ends. I would like to throw in two thoughts on doing devotions for kids.

Maybe three. Number one, involve them. As much as possible, ask them questions, interact, keep them a part of the conversation. Maybe have them read something or do something as a part of it. Number two, make it fun. Everything isn't fun, but a lot of things can be fun.

So try to find the fun and the joy when you do it. And thirdly, keep it short and sweet. If they want to hear more, that's the best compliment. If your child or grandchild says, read me another chapter, excellent.

Don't go too long and bore them. So let us send you this copy of Roar Like a Lion by Levi Lusko for your gift of any size to help us continue on teaching the Word of God and preaching the gospel to people all over the planet. Yeah, all over the planet is right. We hear from people from far and wide.

In fact, I'm looking at a comment right now that says, I listened to a new beginning in Pompeii. It really helps me a lot. You make the Bible so simple and easy to understand.

I'm so grateful. But we're so pleased the Lord is taking these studies around the world, and your support makes that possible. Thanks so much for helping us touch lives. And with your donation right now, be sure to ask for Pastor Levi's new book called Roar Like a Lion. You can order online at harvest.org or write us at A New Beginning, Box 4000, Riverside, CA 92514. Or we can take your phone call anytime, night or day at 1-800-821-3300.

That's 1-800-821-3300. Hey, everybody. Greg Laurie here, encouraging you to join us this weekend for what we call Harvest at Home. It's worship. It's a message from the Word of God.

You can watch it with your family in your front room, or you can watch it on the go on your tablet, on your phone or your computer. Take it with you. Take the Word of God with you and join us for Harvest at Home at harvest.org. Well next time, as our best of messages continue, Pastor Greg comes back to bring us more insights on how to properly support those who are facing the loss of a loved one. Join us here on A New Beginning with pastor and Bible teacher, Greg Laurie. Amen.